I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore, and

>>6833908
Being of the sort to share knowledge, I broached the subject to a neighborhood friend of mine, where the same pattern emerged.
I changed schools and around 4th grade had lost touch with the others. Instead, I had a new friend with whom I fell into the exact same pattern again.
This all ended suddenly sometime in 5th grade and I wasn't terribly upset by the change, and did my best to keep my friendships out of the bedroom
In high school I was rather depressed and secluded, which drove certain less-desirable women to seek my favor, no relationship lasted any appreciable amount of time or got farther than a kiss.
Towards junior year, I found 4chan and spent my free time on /b/ shitposting and pretending to be a girl, and eventually had a circle of friends

>>6833920
As I went to college, one of these people convinced me to let him be my "boyfriend" and managed to remotely coerce me to perform certain sexual acts on myself in semi-public places
Eventually the stress got to me and I broke up with him, dropped out of school, and quit the internet.
Until, of course, I found myself returning to school, resuming talking with the same circle of 4chan misfits, and talking to my internet boyfriend again, resulting in a similar breakdown. I had, however, found myself with a girlfriend with whom I shared many hobbies and interests, and we stayed close even as I returned home for my health, and after about a year she asked me to marry her.

>>6833924
Once back at home again, I continued to experience severe depression and malaise even as I went to therapy, learned healthier internet habits, took time off of school, and eventually started going to a more local university where I could be monitored by my parents.
Sometime in this course of events, my girlfriend came out as transsexual, broke off all contact with me, and I fell back into the pits of emotional despair.
Eventually, prompted by hours of needless provocation and interrogation by my parents and inspired by my ex, I came out to my parents as transsexual myself
Underpinning this extensive and arguably abusive history of sexual experimentation lies a lifelong and deeply felt battle with gender. Of my earliest memories I recall asking my parents many times about how I would have been named as a girl, and such gems as "why don't men who like men pair up with women who like women and surgically trade privates?" - me, age aprx 6

>>6833930
Throughout my life, I viewed puberty with a measure of dread and anticipation, afraid of what it would do to my body and hoping that these changes would make me more of a man. I loved to answer the phone and get called "miss" because of my high and clear voice, I would have lengthy fantasies about growing up to be a woman and being an adult, though I knew to be ashamed of such feelings and never tried crossdressing for fear of discovery.
Now I'm 23 years old and just over 1 year into HRT. I have small but vaguely noticeable-through-a-shirt breasts and frequently get mistaken for being somewhere between 17 and 19.
However, I have a distinctly (though not cartoonishly) male body and a voice that is singularly male in a rough and husky sense that I can't seem to change at all
Life is lonely and dark and I have little hope for the future, I just wanted to share my thoughts

File: this is the cropped one.jpg (121KB, 798x828px) Image search: [Google]

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P-please say something 4chan
You're the only ones I can talk to

>>6834021
I can't make you feel better about your past, your present or your future. I can't make you feel better about your body, your voice or your mind. All I can tell you is that 4chan will always be here with some faggot like me who will read your blogposts, or at the very least skim through them. We will always be here for you because our stories are not so different.

>>6834021
>>6834046
Also, please link me to the uncropped version of that.

>>6834021
kys?

Sorry that's about all the compassion I can muster at the moment.

>>6834046
>>6834052
Thanks I feel so much better
http://i.4cdn.org/d/1472783520526.jpg

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>>6834204
You're very welcome

A feminine and submissive mentality combined with a male body is the worst and most useless combination of traits a human animal could possibly have. Choosing the path of a male to female transsexual is a fantastic way to guarantee a future of permanent loneliness and alienation.

>>6834300
Yeah that's pretty much how it is
Lots of people assume I'm gay and just not interested in dating, which would be fine if some of them didn't make a big deal about it

>>6834300
>A feminine and submissive mentality combined with a male body is the worst and most useless combination of traits a human animal could possibly have
Femboy here, I get hit on like crazy, the fags seem to like it.
>Choosing the path of a male to female transsexual is a fantastic way to guarantee a future of permanent loneliness and alienation.
That's true though.

>>6835752
Femboys are hot.
I agree

>>6834300
>>6835752
>>6835871
L
O
L

>>6835752
>the fags seem to like it.
I still don't socialize very much but a new freshman has taken it upon herself to try to pair me up with as many possible male acquaintances and I'm really not sure if she's gotten the hint I'm not interested in having a relationship at all at the moment

I thought about it again today
I have a minimum wage job, I'm getting an education, I don't have any bills, I'm getting hrt and slowly improving despite all impressions to the contrary
But at the same time, I feel pretty well assured that the likelihood of me killing myself at some point is way too high to just ignore
I don't just end it now, do I? Take the phyrric victory and acknowledge the end?
Do I continue this ceaseless battle against my body and throw myself boldly at the future?
Everything feels like an unbearable burden...

>>6838227
*Pyrrhic

>>6836716
Why don't you just tell her instead of hinting?

>>6838252
>why don't you just stop having fun
Because it's none of her business who I date or want to date

>>6834046
Different anon here but, reading that brought a tear to my eye. I love you 4chan. I love always having a friend who doesn't know my name.

>>6838284
Well tell her that then, or just tell her you don't want a relationship. "I don't want to date anybody; stop asking me" is the bare minimum of information you have to give away.

>>6841980
I feel kind of disappointed, she seems to have stopped asking me excessively awkward questions on her own
I wanted to see how far she would go