getting rid of suicidal thoughts

2/2

Problem is he is 4 hours anyways, not close, but not far out of reach.
I asked my dad if he could drive me some where far for something important as a favor and need of help.. And he said "I can yes, if it's really necessary."
After telling him he flat out refused to take me. saying "he wasn't going to take me to get my balls chopped off, it isn't rite for you to do that" and that the only place he was going to take me to was a physcologist to fix me.
I was heart broken.
Anways that being said I have gone into an even deeper spiral of depression and suicidal thoughts.
Iv'e already chosen how I'm going to off my self.
I have opiates, benzos, alcohol, weighted vest, and a lake. You can guess the rest
I already have the ingredients to do this and I'm starting to find relief that I get to finally rest
That when I wake up in my new life I'll have a 50/50 chance of being female or just being content with what ever sex I'm born into.
I know I'm 21. But I'm really tired already.
Nothing to me matters anymore. And if it does I just lie to my self to try and make my self feel better.

Anyways I guess the purpose of this is. What did you do to get rid of these feelings or help sooth yourself?
And for the love of fuck don't tell me that my friends and family will be hurt and miss me, because I don't have any friends or family that supports me or loves me.
And if they do love me they should of shown me it when I was still alive and not showing it to me crying over my dead corpse.

Also don't tell me to call a suicide hot line, they do nothing but try to get your information down to call the cops on you.
Thank you for reading this if you did

There's only one way to get rid of those feelings. It has to come from within you. You are the only person who can help yourself. That's not a lonely or hopeless thing. Your family can't convince you to stay, there's no fairy tale love that's going to save you either. Nothing you can read or watch will change your mind. You have to decide to not give up on yourself. I've wanted to die since I was a child. I was brainwashed by Christians and hit and grounded for liking boys and dressing like a girl. Now I'm big burly and bald. I hate the way I look and hate that I'm still too scared to even flirt with guys. Every relationship I've been in has failed and I'm usually alone. I decided that if I'm going to be alone it's best for me to start liking myself. Start living for myself. I mean fuck if I'm dead anyway why not sucker punch my failing life and drop everything and everyone and decide to do whatever I want? If you embrace a kind of lesser death, ego death or life path death, whatever you want to call it, you realize you are completely free. No one's opinion or abuse matters, because you are untouchable. You're dead to them. You're not who they tried to force you to be. You are free to live for yourself. It's not narcissism, it's survival. It's starting over. It's learning how to live. If you're so out of hope that you're ready to put on that vest, realize you have a choice in front of you. Not whether to live or die, but to die to their expectations of you, or to die to everything.

>>6755075
why can't your mother drive you

>>6755075
>>6755077
>That when I wake up in my new life I'll have a 50/50 chance of being female or just being content with what ever sex I'm born into.
There's no new life. There is nothing beyond the veil of death, just as there was nothing before it. Everyone gets to live once.

Please listen to me: you owe it to yourself to make what you can of your one chance to live; of your one shot at happiness. Answer this sincerely: do you truly believe there is no chance for you to find happiness in this world? No remote, unlikely scenario? Because if there is - and I bet there is - you have to take it. 1% beats 0%, and death is the absolute zero, the ultimate defeat. So long as you hang on, so long as you struggle, you may still one day wake up and realize that you are happy.

I don't know your exact circumstances so I can't tell for sure whether you have a shot but the overwhelming majority of humanity does. People make it through worse and end up happy. The vast majority of people who experience suicidal thoughts later end up regretting them and live on. I'm willing to bet that there are some things you can do to improve your situation and feel better about yourself. Search for them. Do what you must. Fight for your survival! Even animals do that! FIGHT!

This is probably not what you want to hear but your family sounds extremely abusive. You work to support them yet they treat you like a leper. Fuck them. Strike out on your own. Let them learn why one ought not bite the hand that feeds them. Stand on your own feet.

If you don't have any friends or people to support you then you ought find some. Try contacting the local LGBT organizations and see whether they're organizing anything. At the very least you'll be able to talk to some people like yourself and see how they deal.

Good luck. I believe in you!

>>6756499
this!