I read this article (http://the-orbit.net/zinniajones/2 013/

>>6715948
how old r u now?

>>6715964

I'm 25.

>>6715964

I'm 25. (Might be a repost since I can't see my first reply.)

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>>6715969
It's something that you can come to realize. It sounds like you did have a sense of it for a long time, even if you didn't know what the implication was. Honestly you sound trans to me, why don't you talk to a therapist?

>>6715948
You don't have to be trans if you don't want to.

End of story.

>>6715969
well im bi, so i'm not exactly talking from the same vantage point but it took me a really long time to realize i was bi, always really confused about attraction to men kuz i still liked women. took a long time to accept that part of me.
sexuality seems to grow and evolve as you age, not so simple as it was when u were a teen. try not to dwell on the past u were a child then and lack the knowledge/experience you have now.

looking forward what do you want to do with/about yourself

>>6715948
Also all of these things except the last one are just symptoms of depression. Or more accurately, they're just symptoms of being a human. Kind of a shitty article.

>>6715998
> Honestly you sound trans to me

How, though? What if I'm just, like, severely tomboyish? It's so strange for me to even think that I could be trans but some signs have pointed to me being quite different to other women out there.

For example, meeting the feminine standards felt restrictive and hard for me to reach. Not because I am one of those "hurr I'm a radfem and I hate shaving!", but because it felt somehow unnatural. Painting my nails, something so seemingly simple for other women, gives me so much anxiety. It's the same with makeup but less so. I just put it on and keep thinking the entire day, 'I cannot wait to go home and take it off.'

I also dislike wearing bras but I put it down as me never finding the correct size. I hardly ever wear skirts or dresses, even though it doesn't terrify me to wear it. Idk, it's so difficult for me to explain. I used to love wearing hoodies that were a size or two too big, again, I thought this was a tomboy quirk. I would have loved to wear even more masculine clothing but, you know, I was raised in a Christian home and in New Jersey/Pennsylvania, and people in general there were traditional.I didn't want to get my ass beaten for something so stupid.

My body is a hard thing to talk about. I don't hate my breasts. I don't hate my vagina. At best, I feel absolutely neutral towards it. I have a very feminine body type and I am okay with it, though I hate showing it off and I hate it when people be like "Why can't you be flirty and sexy with men? Why not show off that great body of yours more?"

I don't know if I'm trans. I sound so stupid, help.

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>>6715948

While the shoe fits, Im skeptical

These are the exact lines of reason that cults use to convince people to join. Not saying being a tranny is a brainwashing process, but these feelings are vuage and universal.

Nobody can tell you that you're trans. You need to do the soul searching.

>>6716008

I'm pretty sure you can't just wake up and be cis or trans or straight or gay. You are who you are, I guess.

>>6716012

Nah, I understand you. I'm just wondering if maybe I'm just severely depressed. But then when I think about my past, there were certain moments where I just straight up wished I was a man. Not out of envy. Not out of insecurity. But just a strange feeling of just being someone else for once.

I love to write stories, for example. Some of these stories seem to have a recurring theme of a character being some sort of trans and/or gay or bisexual. I hate it when other people would act hateful against GLBT people, and I've had people act funny around me whenever I took a fierce stand against that kind of stuff, like they wanted to say, "For a cis-heterosexual woman, you sure are passionate about GLBT issues"

>>6716027

Thank you. I think, I should still schedule an appointment with a counselor and see what's up.

>>6716080
I thought the same until I transitioned. Noticeable when the feelings aren't there.

>5. Knowing you’re somehow different from everyone else, and wishing you could be normal like them.

Oof, that one hits close to home.

>>6716054
It's possible that you are just a tomboy, there's nothing wrong with that! I didn't mean that I'm diagnosing you with transexualism, just that I feel like I recognize a lot of your feelings. You can be trans without feeling disdain for your genitals, just ask yourself if you'd be happier if nobody knew you your natal sex and everyone treated you like they would treat a dude.

If this bothered you enough to post, it's at least worth talking it out with someone. Questioning your gender at this kind of depth is a big red flag

>>6716080

You are right, it does feel very vague, hence why I created this thread before I jump to some serious conclusions about myself.

Like I'm literally in a heterosexual marriage with a man and he shows some bigotry against trans people. So, this is very nerve wracking for me.

>>6716083

Thank you. This was my first step, creating this thread, lol.

>>6716091
>Nah, I understand you. ...But then when I think about my past, there were certain moments where I just straight up wished I was a man.

Feel free to reject my retarded questions, i know its not the same as being a man but do u like carry or use a feeldoe or strap-on?

im just curious on how you see the penis issue

>>6716093

Oh my God. I'm scared for me now, lol.
Thank you for replying, of course!

>>6716097

It slapped me in the face too, reading that.

>>6716109

It is totally possible that I am a tomboy, yes. But then, why does everybody in my life showed heavy disdain at how I sometimes dress, act, and so on? They would act very pressing questions like:

>You don't wear a lot of jewerly often, do you? How come?
>I just don't understand why you just... let your hair hang like that. Why don't you style it like the other girls do?
>Stop wearing my sweater! It's for men! Why do you do that?
>Okay, but seriously? You don't do shit with your nails, why?

>just ask yourself if you'd be happier if nobody knew you your natal sex and everyone treated you like they would treat a dude.

On rare moments in life, when I would surround myself with male friends and they just let me into their world without anything inherently romantic or sexual, I felt absolutely happy and at peace. When they would joke and call me a "bro", idk, it felt natural.

I don't hate being female. That's the weird part.

>
If this bothered you enough to post, it's at least worth talking it out with someone. Questioning your gender at this kind of depth is a big red flag

Was it also a sign for you before you realized something?

>>6716140

I don't carry those things, no. I've always wanted to have sex with someone with a penis, though, whether that other person is a man or a woman. I always joked about having penis envy, but again, I thought this was normal.

Your questions are not retarded, ha ha, they are very legitimate, thank you so much!

>>6716154

Dysphoria isn't about hatred or abjection at your body or designated gender. It's about being forced into a role you didn't choose and wouldn't want to in a vacuum. But that said, I didn't hate my body until I did, and there were some clear signs looking back anyway (I never wore shorts for nearly a decade because I hated my hairy legs).

>>6716172
i had a gf in the bast who used to love to sit on my pelvis in such a way that my dick was between her legs. she seemed to enjoy pretending my penis was hers
>maybe penis envy in women is not so abnormal.
i ask about the strap-on thing kuz i kinda saw the penis envy thing coming. u should find urself a willing lesbian, again the feeldoe things seem like a good option if u can keep them in their place

>>6716189

I'm just so fucking scared now. Like in some strange way, if it comes to light that I am a transgender person, it would make sense in so many ways.... and in so many ways, it will completely destroy my old life. The old life that I have grown accustomed to.

Thank you so much for replying. I used to think all trans people were all like, EWW I HATE MY OLD BODY. But, I guess not everybody reacts like that, so thanks for showing me that!

>>6716199

Thank you! Well, I'm not super into women in a sexual way. I am all about the cock, honestly. I love men.

>>6716224
i still recommend you try it out on a bi guy or whatever, wielding a penis might be good for you, plus pegging is hot for a lot of guys.

>>6716213
There isnt really an old body and a new body, its just my body as it was then, and my body as it is now. Its the same body, I just feel more comfortable and happy in it now, and I am able to be treated socially in a way that feels fitting and right.

>>6716054
>Painting my nails, something so seemingly simple for other women, gives me so much anxiety.

So you're just a person who doesn't like painting their nails! That's perfectly ok! Lots of people don't like painting their nails! It doesn't mean you need to go on powerful mind-altering drugs for life and cut off healthy body parts. Goddamn I really hate the internet trans movement sometimes. They've done a good job of convincing people that if you have depression/anxiety (who doesn't?) and a certain discomfort towards gender norms (who doesn't?) then you need to undergo extensive medical procedures. It's ridiculous.

I'm sorry if I'm being mean but people need to wake up.

>>6716097
EVERYONE FEELS THAT WAY.

>>6716213

I'm gonna be honest, /lgbt/ helped me come to terms with things. There was a point where it just... clicked, you know?

Here are two questions I personally found useful:
a) imagine growing old - would you rather be an old man or an old woman?
b) if you can bring yourself to do this, say "I'm trans" out loud and see how it makes you feel

Best of luck on your journey no matter how you go about things, Anon. <3

>>6716238

My husband is bisexual/bicurious, so maybe I'll talk to him about it. Just to see what it's like. Thanks!

>>6716242

Thank you for that honest answer, and I'm so happy that you are very happy now.

>>6716255
>>6716259

Hey anon, I totally understand how you feel right now. Even I am very skeptical about it all and I want to just say, okay, I'm just a tomboy, that's it. I guess I wanted to open a frank discussion with other trans posters and see if perhaps what I'm feeling is something that just happens to any cis woman, or if I am really trans and deep in the closet.

You're right, I should be objective and shouldn't just jump on the trendy tumblr-special snowflake bandwagon, you are so right about that. But at the same time, I feel that I should at least question as to why I feel so super depressed since I hit puberty and if maybe my gender is the reason for it all.

>>6716267
>a) imagine growing old - would you rather be an old man or an old woman?

This is difficult for me to answer. But honestly? Every time I think of myself in social situations with others, whether it happened for real or in a fictional world, I ALWAYS see and hear myself as a man. It is so weird but I think I'm just fucking strange.

>b) if you can bring yourself to do this, say "I'm trans" out loud and see how it makes you feel

I did it just now. It felt as if a hand wrapped itself around my throat, shushing me. I suddenly felt invisible, judgmental eyes that are all on me. I felt... very scared, saying that out loud.

Is that normal?

>>6716276
I certainly don't want to (and can't) tell anyone that they're not "allowed" to be trans. If you decide you want to transition, either because you feel that you need it to make you happy or even just for no reason at all, then I would support that. What I reject is the "ticking time bomb" narrative, where you introspect and discover that you "really are" trans, and this puts you in a category of people who absolutely must transition, otherwise you'll become more and more depressed until you're suicidal. I'm very skeptical that there's any such thing. If there are such people, then they follow the classic known-since-birth model. So don't go looking for signs that you "really are" trans and just didn't know it. You either transition or you don't, either is fine and that's that. Your destiny is not written in the stars.

>what I'm feeling is something that just happens to any cis woman
What you're feeling is something that just happens to any human.

>>6716276
>Thank you for that honest answer, and I'm so happy that you are very happy now.

Very happy is stretching it a bit, but I do just feel better off living. I don't have a looming sense of dread that hangs over me all the time, and I don't feel uncomfortable to the same degree socially. Transition didn't solve all my problems, but I'm certainly better off now than I was before.

Its like living under a heavy weight for so long you forget its even there at times, when you pull the weight off, you're still going to be damaged a bit, but you arent going to get any worse and you can finally start to heal. Well, maybe that isnt the best explanation for it, but idk.

>>6716292

But did it feel right at all hearing it for yourself, even if it was just a whisper?

>>6716276
u have a husband? wow that complicates things XD
>I wish you the best of luck you sound like an awesome person, i'm sorry your suffering through all this confusion

>>6716302

Thank you, kind anon. This is what I needed to read. I guess I just need to take this slowly and try to do the necessary soul searching before I come out.

>>6716306

I did it again. I feel terrified. I don't feel disgusted or wrong for saying it... but I felt terrified. Those eyes are on to me again...

>>6716316

Right? Ha ha, my life is becoming a mess.
>Thanks so much. I will survive this. <3

>>6716334

Yeah, it's a hard feeling to process... I can't tell you what to do from here, but maybe consider speaking with a therapist soon and talking it out. Trans, not trans, transition or no, you still seem to have something to work out.

And always remember, things have a way of figuring themselves out sometimes. Bless, friend.

Those are also just symptoms of depression and social alienation.

>>6716355
>Bless, friend.

Right back at ya!

>>6716356

I am so emo it ain't even funny.

>>6716376

Like emo music emo? I'm hella emo.

>>6716054
Not saying you are or aren't trans, but I am and felt literally the exact same about every one of these things before I realized it.

You don't sound trans at all. It just sounds like all the people around you that you mentioned in >>6716154 are insisting you have to be ultra-feminine, but they're just stupid honestly. Just because you don't fit into every single stereotype or gender role, doesn't make you less of a woman. I can't believe anyone actually thinks this way. That's how all those bs tumblr genders come about.

And yeah, like others stated, that list just sounds like depression.

t chapstick-y (?) bulky clothes no makeup fem-hair-mainly-because-getting-it-cut-is-too-much-trouble cisles

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I think it's highly possible you're simply insecure in your identity as a tomboy, it sounds as if you're being challenged by both sides of the aisle but honestly there's nothing wrong with just being a tomboy

Also throwing it out there that there's nothing wrong with being NB! You don't have to pick one or the other if you don't feel that way in your heart.

>>6716267
>a) imagine growing old
Not op but people (teachers/counsellors/therapists) stopped asking me that question because I never had an answer because I hadn't thought about the possibility of living that long

>>6715948
it should more likely be
>that was depression?

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>>6718045
>nothing wrong with being NB!

>The condition of gender dysphoria is common among transgender people, although being transgender is not itself a condition or disorder, nor is the presence of gender dysphoria required in order for someone to be transgender.
dropped

>>6715948
>But to trans people here, how and when did you knew?

It's very typical but some of my earliest memories like around 6 are ones of a trans nature. While obviously I didn't know what trans is I remember quite vividly before going to sleep every night I'd wish to wake up a girl, and I'd imagine my self as a girl as much as a 6 year old can. I even remember making a "worry dolls" with my family and trying to use it to grant my wish.

AGP here. How does dysphoria feel like, anyhow? I really can't tell whether I qualify. I remember fantasizing about boys turning into girls since I was like 5, then the fantasies turning sexual when I was 12~. I masturbated to these fantasies (which now sometimes involved me as the subject) pretty much exclusively and for most of my life just thought of myself as a straight man with a weird fetish. My childhood interests were mostly male-typical.

I became somewhat depressed around the same time as my AGP kicked into gear. The depression more or less stuck with me throughout my life. At 20~ I realized that I actually want to be a woman. I've disliked my body for a very long time but maybe that's just because I'm very ugly. I don't think I really experience dysphoria. I don't feel awful when touching my penis or anything. The only thing that fits is kind of shuddering when touching my facial hair.

How can I tell whether I'm a self-deluding fetishist or something else?

>>6718371
>I don't think I really experience dysphoria
As in the very physical, intense dysphoria so many people talk of. Like OP I feel that pretty much everything in that article applies to me.

>>6718371

dysphoria is a revulsion towards your body or certain traits of it. especially sex organs, tits, anything that generally differentiates the sexes. sometimes mtfs envy long feminine hair styles and small feminine skeletal frames (don't want broad shoulders and body hair, etc). puberty is very difficult because you feel like you're becoming the wrong thing and are then expected to pretend to be that thing. after that most people either bottle it up and pretend in order to pass as normal (some overcompensate to shake off those feelings, see: mtfs who joined the army/marines/etc in an effort to "man up"), or attempt to confront the issue and figure out what's making them so miserable so they can find a way to cope. people kill themselves over it sometimes because faking such a basic element of your identity 24/7 is very taxing

cont.

>>6718371

consider the rest of your life, like aging and relationships and shit. you don't become a qt3.14 by magic and remain that way until you're 90. if you get rid of your dick and balls masturbation will not be the same ever again. without nuts you won't get hard and trans people sometimes don't have full feeling in their post-surgical junk. will that ruin the fantasy of becoming a female? ask yourself what appeals to you about feminizing. is it becoming beautiful? do you just want to change your looks or be better looking? do you want to be seen as more desirable or get social and sexual attention like pretty women do? could you accept being an unattractive woman? could you handle being a 4/10? do you need to change for yourself, so you can be true to yourself in the world, or do you want to change for some other reason, like to wear womens' clothing and hairstyles and to be among women as one of them, instead of among men as one of them? do you feel feminine all the time or does it not really matter anymore after you come? if you hit the gym and bulked up and took care of yourself to became a more attractive man, would you like that, or would it be really bad? let's say you had $25k and you could eat right, exercise, fix some things about your body that you don't like, like plastic surgery or dental work or skin treatments or hair plugs or whatever, plus a nice new wardrobe that flattered you. would you like to become a good looking guy? then what happens after that for the next 30 years? or, would you spend it on SRS and an adam's apple reduction and voice training and a legal name and sex change with all the paperwork done for you by a lawyer so you don't have to worry about it? then, what happens after that for the next 30 years?

cont.

>>6718371

imo changing sex is a bigger deal than people online seem to think these days. it's a significant change to your whole life and it's forever. lucky for you, estrogens don't cause permanent physical changes for a few months so you can do a trial run and see how it treats you, if you want, as long as it's medically safe for you to do that. it's also ok to be non-binary or to just live as a man and have this fetish. people do both of those things all the time

give it a lot of thought first. good luck! I hope you find your happiness.

Op. Listen to me. That article is retarded. Zinnia jones is a stupid retarded faggot. She is not an expert on ANYTHING.
That stupid fucking article "indirect signs" are literally just vague descriptions of depression and unhappiness. Thats right. Retard ZInnia Jones thinks anyone who is somewhat unhappy with their place in life or feeling down is a secret closet repressed tranny.
But whatever op. Go be a tranny then if you want to. Stupid moron.

>>6715969
Quarter life crisis. You aren't t trans. And no. Being a trnny won't make you happier. Because your issues lie eslewhere.

>>6715998
Why the fuck are you telling them they are tranns. They literally didn't post a fucking thing you stupid fucking retard. How can you tell someone they are trans when they literally don't even post anything.
this board pisses me off so much. So many delusional fucking retarded men all telling pushing each other to be trans.

holy shit. I still cannot believe you popped into this thread to say "honestly you sound trans to me".


retards

>>6719319
>>6719335
>>6719347
Thank you very much.

I understand the questions are primarily for me to answer but I hope no one minds if I post my thoughts anyhow.

>Will that ruin the fantasy of becoming a female?
In general I feel almost like I have two very different parts of me fantasizing about what superficially appears to be the same thing but isn't. One, primitive and animalistic, is concerned with the sexual aspect and that's that. It lacks any sort of a long term plan. "Being feminine is hot. Now go touch yourself. Don't bother me when you're done I'm taking a nap."

The other part, abstract, mainly fantasizes about becoming this cool woman who has her life together. It doesn't care about sex and mostly wishes the first part would shut up. This is also the part that makes me depressed and drones endlessly about how far I am from my ideal self. Of the two I feel that it is more powerful but when the first comes knocking I can't refuse it.

The first part would go "well, I guess there are other ways to have sex". The second wouldn't even care.

>Ask yourself what appeals to you about feminizing.
I feel that the desire is almost innate, with a bunch of existent but unnecessary reasons built on top of it.

>Attractiveness
I'm the unfortunate combination of vain and very ugly. I don't think I could handle being significantly uglier than I am now. I'd gladly become a plain-looking woman but if my only choice was to become someone even uglier than I am now I wouldn't take it because at that point my sex would hardly matter to me.

Interestingly thinking about being given the choice of having any male body I could imagine makes me uncomfortable. Looking like some other man, however attractive, just feels profoundly wrong in a way looking like some other woman doesn't. I'd probably take the opportunity to clean up my skin and lose some weight but ultimately I would be unhappy with any male result.

cont.

>>6720629
>Femininity/Masculinity
It feels weird saying this given how much I seem to care about having the body of a particular sex but I don't really feel feminine or masculine. I mean, I'd prefer to be acknowledged as a woman but I don't really buy into gender roles or conforming to the traditional virtues of either side. I don't know how this feeling can coexist with the intense desire to become a woman.

The previously mentioned animalistic part is very, very turned on by the thought of conforming to traditional standards of feminity. Kind of embarrassing. I can't imagine myself as a traditionally feminine woman without getting turned on. The abstract part has taken to dressing my fantasy self in gender neutral clothes and never putting me in situations where I can act "feminine" in order to avoid turning me on during its daily life fantasies.

>Sex
At this point I've honestly given up on the prospect. I can't really imagine myself having sex as a man. I can *imagine* myself having sex as a woman but I wouldn't ever do that because even if I transitioned and somehow came out decent (improbable to put it gently) I would still be too embarrassed that I used to be.. well.. me. To ask someone else to put up with that.. I couldn't possibly do that.

Still, I don't really mind.

>Transitioning
The elephant in the room is that, barring some futuristic technology, I absolutely would end up hideous. Pig's ear, silk purse. No matter the answer I will probably just live on as I am and try to hold on to my sanity. But.. I would still like to know the answer. I would still like to know who I am, even though this changes little.