Trans Help General #102

>>5891114
how do i start training my voice if people are with me and I'm never alone?
how much can i expect training to raise my voice?

>>5891114
Reporting for duty. Ask me anything.

>>5891122
You can raise the pitch about as high as you want if you're crazy dedicated to it.

There's more to a female voice than just a higher pitch though.

>>5891123
I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now.
I just told my physician and he set me up with an endo and a physiatrist. The physiatrist visit is months away but the endo is this Tuesday. What can I expect from my first visit with the endo?

>>5891139
how feminine can i get if puberty fucking throat fucked me raw and left me a baritone wishing to be a girl?
I'd vocaroo but i got a sore throat that's got me sounding low and gravelly

>>5891158
It's not going to be easy but a lot of things worth doing aren't easy. T stretched your vocal cords, there's nothing physically preventing you making them act shorter. You just have to learn how and get good at it.

It's called voice training so don't expect immediate results. Building up to a higher pitch is completely doable for you.

>>5891140
It's important to remember that many endocrinologists specialize in diabetes treatment more so than HRT, even though both fall under the endocrine heading. Be educated when you come in and ask lots of questions, express concerns, but don't argue their judgment in the end. Oftentimes hormonal changes can have waves on other bodily systems, so some endocrinologists will take a cautious approach.

Also, know what your insurance covers. If your insurance covers a better anti androgen than the entry level Best Practises drugs like Aldactone and Androcur, don't be afraid to ask! A lot of the times the more advanced medications in a category will have fewer or more managable side effects.

>>5891177
Okay, I'm in the US. Looks like bicalutamide is covered as well as spironolactone. So is finasteride.

I can't figure out any E though. Is Progynova mostly European? What are some others that I could be put on?

>>5891246
Progynova is a brand name for Oral/Injected estrogen. In the US, you'll be given oral Estradiol Valerate, but you can definitely ask about injections. They're typically simple, intramuscular, and self administered. Insurance companies love them, too, because they're much cheaper.

>>5891258
Oooh. Okay.
I'm indifferent about injections. I have zero fear of needles but and they might be a bit of a hassle. Easier on the liver though, I presume? I hear a back and forth that injections might be more effective than taking an oral medication. There's not a definitive answer, is there?

I must have been spelling Estradiol valerate wrong, I see it's covered now.

Thanks, endo-chan.

>>5891265
Anytime.

There's pros and cons to injections for the purposes of feminization. Health wise it's easier on the liver, you're right, but it's also a fluctuating level that is high at the time of injection and peters out over the 7-14 days before your next shot. Pills have the benefit of a more stable level of estrogen, at the cost of liver strain and slightly more diluted physical results.

>>5891123
I have a appointment with a endo in a few weeks after self medding 6 months, I already have a psych letter from when I was getting hormones through a physician, will I need to get a new one? Also I have some old bloodtests (from september) do you think he will accept these aswell? Will he make me stop self medding?

I booked my appointment back in november so I don't really want to wait forever to get another appointment so got to get this right

>>5891277
which AA is better, spiro or cypro?
i'm self medding cypro now but that's because i'm in europe so i know they will put me on that when i've jumped through all the gatekeeping hoops

>>5891328
cypro, unless you also have acne problems - in which case spironolactone

>>5891339
spiro's anti-androgen effects are what effect acne, so cypro would have the same effect

>>5891350
spiro dries you out like a mummified nun's gash though so it might combat against oily skin too?

>>5891380
acne is caused by excess sebum and dead skin clogging pores, androgens increase sebum production by alot so taking any AA would result in the same effects. Dry skin is not a good thing make sure to stay hydrated

Just came out for the first time through message. It is late at night and I am now tired, (the message was pre written and not tired written). How do I calm down from the anxiety and adrenalin for doing this? and should I sleep or stay awake even though they may not respond tonight?

Is "http://archive.loveisover.me" link supposed to be broken?

>>5891554
who did you come out to?
the first time i did was to my cousin and i wrote her a letter about it, she took the letter up to her room, came back down and yeah, we talked

>>5891554
Congrats and fingers crossed! Who did you come out to?

For calming down, decaf tea or ginger tea are my go-tos.

>>5891585
No. But the archives have been down for a little while now.

>>5891554
I would try to get some rest you will need it, Listening to music for me helps.

best of luck anon

>>5891554
Congrats! On the off chance you're still here, GET SOME SLEEP. They'll still be there tomorrow. Just try to relax.

>>5891114
I am 22 and just starting to see a therapist, I wont get hormones for quiet some time (~6 months) am I to old to get good results?


Id like to post a pic but I dont like it to be on the internet. Is there anyone with experience who would like to tell me if I have a good baseline for transition? If so feel free to message me via kik EisMCsquare or Email [email protected]

There are some other questions about hairstyling, bodyhair I have too.

>>5892067
Would also like to know this desu.

Is it better to swallow Progynova or let it dissolve under the tongue?

>>5892127
swallow. as an ester of estradiol, estradiol valerate (which progynova is) isn't micronized. the valeric ion attached to the estradiol means it cannot be absorbed sublingually.

>>5892067
>>5892122
There is a quite extensive imgur collection of transition timeline floating around, maybe you can find someone with similar features.

Regardless, in general 20-25 is still decently young.

Okay so i got my progesterone cream. But they are kinda funny "1.5grams" daily. How the hell should i doesd that right with my fingers.. god i already hate them. Can i apply this directly on my breasts?

>>5892609

ah damn my typo
anyways
:they mixed it on their own in my pharmacy, and gave me a bottle with 100g cream inside. dosage is 1.5g a day. how the hell should i dose it now? it's like they're trolling me hard.. can't just stick my finger in and say oh ye, this totally must be 1.5g!

I'm still questioning whether the dysphoria I feel is "real" and if I'm really trans or I've just convinced myself about it. I'm not sure if I should talk about it with my therapist, since right now we are concentrating on other issues.
I feel that talking about it might seem to her like I've read something on the internet and now I'm trying to avoid having to deal with the other issues by introducing something new.

Old tranny here, just starting out, how do you all deal with the hair removal aspect? I have a ton of hair, and waxing fucking leaves all these bumps that take days to go away. Shaving leaves tons of ingrown hairs and shows the dark root. Tips, suggestions? Laser/electrolysis is expensive and unattainable right now.

>>5892737
Groupon often has good deals for laser that can be cheaper than you might think. Someone earlier said around $600 for a half dozen sessions of full body, and that sounds about right. [I'm cisgender, but an Islander, so body hair removal was something I got done about three years ago.]

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>>5892676
I'm wondering this too. I mean, I've kind of come to the conclusion that it's impossible to a) Trick yourself into being trans or b) Have someone convince you that you're trans, but any feedback on this would be much appreciated.

>>5892744
interesting, thanks

>>5892673
What volume (ie mL) is the bottle ?

>>5892673
>>5892609
I'm very interested to know the concentration, anon. I've been bugging my endo for months to get me a topical script.

>>5892673
You can use a syringe with plunger to pull up 1.5ml of the cream, then dispense onto the target area. Amazon sell them.
http://www.amazon.com/Pack-TSP-Slip-Syringes-needle/dp/B00EXXZSTI/

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>>5892770
No ml...

>>5892796
Since u are german too, could you please tell me how long it took you to get hormones.
I see a therapist since 3 months (once every 1,5 months) had already my CT and have an apointment to check my hormones in one month.

>>5892780

concentration 100g 5% Progesteron creme
contains 5.0g progesteron (ultrogestan/prometrium 200mg)

>>5892794
thank you, will buy that. I need to cycle it anyways I guess... first 2 weeks of every month i heared.. so I still have time to buy it

>>5892806

I am swiss, not german :)
I went to a therapist and instantly got allowed for hormones after just 1 appointment. had to wait 3 months on the waiting list tho. (went to the best doc in whole switzerland)

>>5891654
>>5891590
>>5891600
>>5891614
I came out to a close friend. I was so tired I just collapsed and fell asleep. I haven't checked yet. Wish me luck

>>5892825
Oh I am jealous.

In Germany you need two therapists to confirm that you are trans and several other medical inspection to ensure your hormones and chromosomes are normal. You even have to get magnetic resonance imaging to ensure that there is no tumor which could cause it.

>>5892840

switzerland: go get an appointment with trans help group (optimal) since they put you to docs which take your serious -> go to the psychologist they told me -> tell my story -> get referred to doc.

tadaah. if that guy wasn't so famous i would have been on hormones in like 1 week.

i have to say i got lucky that i went to that trans help group, and i had luck with the psychologist too. there are gatekeepers in switzerland aswell (someone i know got put in psychward for like 2 years and in the end fought like 4 years to get hormones)

>>5892810
So a 100g tub lasts you about two months? Do you cycle?

Also I'm sure if they didn't show you already then you can ask your pharmacist to teach you how to scoop out the right amount.

>>5892826
As a follow up; they wrote a long message saying how gender doesn't matter and that I am who I am. I couldn't have made a better decision coming out to such a great person. Thanks guys for helping me through this the last few hours

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So I'm 21 years old and wanting to start transitioning low key. There's this thing I've been looking at called puera mirifica which is a highly estrogenic herb. Anyone know if this thing is legit?

I want to start getting softer features while I'm youngish but don't want to go full trans until after I graduate and move out and get employed.

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>>5892796
Anon you dissapoint me... Base surface times height equal volume. (If you can't figure it out, give base diameter and filled height or the relevant dimensions)

Im so insecure about everything, I have been wanting to transition for years and now after 5 years fighting I have the chance (I took 5 years to convince my mother to support me)
The problem is that I have been repressing myself for all these years and hate myself, and Im not sure anymore if I want to be trans. I feel I already waste too many years and to transition now would be a bad move
Also I dont feel dysphoria so strong as most trans say, while most of trans wants to be over-feminine I just want to be andro or tomboy.
I know for sure I will start shaving my body now and get laser hair removal in my face and get a rhinoplasty, because I know I wont regret. But Im not sure if I want to go outside as a female, I dont want srs, and I would feel stupid if I start hormones and then quit them.

Please somebody help me find a way to convince myself again Im trans

>>5892951
maybe give you some moobs but thats it. plus its kinda dangerous since it requires you to take such a high dosage to receive any kind of effects.

I would just get hormones.

>>5892862

yes I will cycle. 2 weeks on 2 weeks off

so it will last 4 months.

>>5892951
>semen

>>5892951
Plant based estrogens are largely useless in a human body, unfortunately. It's why original conjugated estrogens had to come from pregnant horse urine and not from plants, herbs, or soy.

>>5892961
So just that will do nothing to my face? Lame. I just don't want to transition when I'm getting too old, and I don't know if I can go to a therapist about this.

>>5892976
Well, do you guys know if I can buy hrt stuff online without a prescription? Or is that illegal..

>>5892988
I recommend finding a Sliding Scale clinic, in many states Planned Parenthood will prescribe HRT with informed consent, too, in-fact! It's better to see a professional endocrinologist, obviously, but if your situation precludes it then you can try that route.

There are online stores out of Venezuela that ship without prescription, but patients have warned me of horror stories with fake pills and customs seizures.

>>5892988
would also like to know if this is possible

Hi everyone I'm this anon from the last thread >>5890389
The dysphoria and stress that comes with it are starting to affect my health. I just can't take my mind off this for more than a brief period and then I feel like I'm avoiding the problem again. Last night I got a migraine from the stress, it made me vomit and my stomach still hurts. I have no appetite, I can't sleep more than 5 hours (I usually need 9) and the last few mornings I couldn't help but cry, and I rarely cry -- only for a very good reason. This morning I cried the hardest since I was a child, and felt like I had something of a spiritual awakening, but I'm still just as confused about my identity. After crying the dysphoria and stressed passed and when I looked myself in the mirror I wanted to be manly. I thought "the dysphoria was just the prodrome of the migraine" but that's wrong, the peace was only fleeting and now the dysphoria is back and here I am freaking out again.
>>5890446
>Just look at that sentence.
It sure looks crazy, but it shows how I've been living my life.
>examine how you feel
I feel like I'm doomed. I want to forget everything I know about myself and live without self awareness because no matter what I try to do for myself, it will never be good enough. I want to kill my soul and let my body live on without me. That would make everyone happy, everything would be better.
>Stop letting society and your fear of sticking out stop you from living a good life.
That's exactly it, but I can't. My whole life's mission, my idea of a good life, is aiming to be an upstanding member of society. Because I'm hypersensitive, I don't feel comfortable being myself around others, instead I feel comfortable being what others think I should be; that way if I fail at least I do so honorably.
>[... I had the weirdest sex drive ...]
Same, I think it's common for libido to fluctuate like that. I used porn to ease dysphoria which is really bad to do, so nofap is good, but doesn't fix anything by itself.

>>5893048
See
>>5893012


Apparently, its very risky.. if anyone else has any input I'd like to know

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did I get scammed? is the blue line just sugar pills for women cycling or something?

>>5893151
i think that's an urban myth. it's basically just a guide like, to help you keep track of a week's dosage.
i still took them all when i was on progynova, but i was a rebel and took them by column instead of row.

>>5893151
Generally the blue line of pills are sugar pills, yes.

I'm sure that I want to be a women for years now. Looking back there where some already signs when I was a child. Always played with my sister tried her shoes and stuff. In dreams I sometimes was a girl. I already came out to be gay to my closest family and they where pretty okay with it.

Some months ago I told friends which laughed and made jokes. Time passed, schoolmarks became bad and i isolated myself. Wanted to end my being with gas. Failed so I'm in a psychiatric ward(correct term?) now and I'm curious if I should/could ask the docs about this topic and maybe get hormones to start change my gender to the right here and now?
I'm 18 male in middle europe if that's important.

it's probably just this, now that I look more into it >>5893166

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Combined_oral_contraceptive_pill
they don't "hide" the placebos in birth control, so why would they otherwise?

last thread I was talking about getting injections

now, those injections I would get are subcutaneous

are they as good as intramuscular injections or not?

It would be nice if someone can post me the name of a intramuscular injection, so I can ask my doc to get it if it's better (I live in switzerland, so anyone from the EU would be best)

>>5893374
my anti-androgen is subcutaneous.
my estrogen is intramuscular.

are you talking about anti-androgens like leuprorelin, or estrogens like estradiol then?

doesn't matter. i've never heard of sub-cutaneous estrogens but for BOTH estrogen and AA, if you can find preparations that exist for sub-cutaneous injection, go for them.

sub-cutaneous is so much easier to perform on yourself than intramuscular. i can EASILY shoot myself up with my sub-q anti-androgen, but it takes me like, an hour or so to get my estrogen shot done intramuscular and i often end up wasting an ampoule of it and going through like 3 or 4 needles.

not hitting a nerve or vessel with intramuscular, or forcing the needle through knotted muscle, is a fucking art, and when it is painful it is PAINFUL, the kind that makes you feel like your'e going into shock. when you get it right it's easy, sure, but i've not had much luck like that.

>>5893391

it's an estrogen injection...
sooo you're telling me it just works as good as intramuscular? it's always hard to find any good info, someone says this, someone says that..

aa i only take cypro... but I plan to get an orchi anyways (how much does that even cost by the way, is it getting covered or not)

>>5893406
there isn't going to be a huge difference either way.
intramuscular might be better by some hair-splitting measure but trust me, if you're being given a preparation that was specifically made for sub-q, go for it.

sub-q is just so, so much easier, and regardless, it's still injecting so it will still be more effective than oral/pills, even if it is somehow less effective than IM.

>>5893423

more effective than oral/pills maybe, but I used patches/gel which were already more effective.. I just wonder if SQ injection is better than gel/patch

>>5893432
yes. they will be.

actually you know what?
i would LOVE to know what this SC estrogen is you're being offered. i want to be on it because fuck IM estrogen.

>>5893440

I will get the first injection on 12.04. don't know the name sorry. I can message you somewhere or post in this thread the day I get it..

>>5893452
can you do skype?

>>5893459

yep.. but my account is listed like multiple times, and I don't know which one you should add (all others don't work) so just give me your name.

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Do I have a good foundation for transitioning? There are days I really like my face and others where I just want to kill myself when I look in the mirror.
Any tips? Sorry for the bad picture. Its already pretty late here and the post is spontaneous.

>>5893481
i think you could pass with time yes.
but don't expect to be like, stunning in looks.

>>5893481
side profile matters too. but if you don't want to post it your square chin is holding you back. Unsure if you are starting to bald. but if could get bangs for that in the meantime.

>>5893481
The camera is close so it's hard to tell what your jaw is like from a normal angle.
But that aside, I think yes.

Your square chin kinda sucks, but on the other hand soft tissue can/will change over time, to some extent.

>>5893491
>>5893506
>>5893533
Thank you for your honest responses. If my chin is still like that after 2 years of Hrt I will do ffs. maybe I will upload another pic tomorrow with better quality and visibility

>>5892927
Eeeee that's so exciting! Congrats again!

>>5892960
If you don't wanna be a full girl, you don't have to be. Get some work done, be andro as fuck. And later if you decide you DO wanna be a grill then hey, you're at a better baseline.

I'm feeling very confused about myself. I'm mtf, in transition, think of myself as a girl. However, I do enjoy teasing people when they can't tell my gender and being called a trap is kind of fun. Sometimes I even want to tease them that I have a dick. Despite me not really wanting to use it, too. Have I like, turned AGP or something?

>>5893689
>flaunting what makes you attractive and interesting for attention

Welcome to being a girl.

>>5893701
pretty accurate desu

>>5893689
don't worry about it.

Posted this to FTMG, but I'll also post it here, because it's on-topic:

Questioning if trans, basically, and lately I've been trying to network with some other trans guys and junk to help get more data and test the playing field a bit. I've found some people similar to me, and they've been really great to have in my life so far. I definitely fall into the gender-nonconforming bubble, was a classic tomboy and all that bullshit.

I have social dysphoria when assuming traditionally female roles and a bit of physical dysphoria regarding my chest (I had really bad voice dysphoria until I started doing vocal exercises to lower my voice), but when I get called "he" in front of friends, family, or professors I get anxious, really really anxious. I think it's because I'm afraid of the social implications of having people confused about your pronouns.

My fag friends have gone about using "they" for me while I decide, which isn't so bad, but I really don't want to be the special snowflake who draws attention to their ~totally radical gender-abolishing identity, you guys!!!~ I'd be happiest if nobody gave a single fuck about the pronouns, but they do. I don't like getting asked about them. It's considered polite, but it puts me on the spot, and when I shrug they press for an answer, which makes me even more uncomfortable.

Oi. Turning 17 later this year and have broad as fuck shoulders and a deep voice. Been thinking about this for over a year. If I was to start basically everything right now, am i too late to pass?

>>5893957
Earlier is better, always.
You're fucking 16 (underageb&), of course it's not too late to fucking pass.

>>5893689
that's not AGP but it doesn't even matter if it were

>>5894004
shhhhhh

don't tell the mods

>day 4 on 200mg spiro a day
>don't seem to be urinating with any greater frequency

Is this something I should be worried about? That's one of the side effects people always seem to talk about, so it seems a bit of a red flag that I'm not experiencing it.

>>5893250
Are you just going to ignore me ?

>>5893250
It depends on which country you are in but a lot of europe has gatekeeping so most likely you would not be able to immediately start.

>>5895140
I'm from germany. What do I have to expect and are there some websites dedicated to help through that?

>>5895087
don't be an asshole

>>5895193
What ?

>>5893957
It's genetics more than age for passing. I started at 16, and I'm still presenting as male 2.5 years later (I look fucking ridiculous for a guy, so I don't normally leave home, but I also don't pass for shit as a girl). I need FFS.

Age helps, but genetics help more. Also, start practicing your voice pronto.

>>5892840
where do you live? that's ridiculous. i'm in NRW and while i don't have my hormones yet i talked with my therapist about it. he said i need his evaluation and an endocrinologist for the prescription. that's it. i need 2 therapists for the name change apparently.
apparently there are no laws concerning trans health care so the KKs go after what the medizinscher dienst guidelines are. so more or less everything can get covered as long as the guy who is responsible for trans issues from the medizinischer dienst in your area says okay. in example as soon as i start coming out and presenting female i get beard removal covered with the reasoning that it would hinder the authenticity of RLE. i already have an appointment with an endo this month for the check up without being out yet.
Breast augmentation seems to be covered by law for breasts that are B cup or less after 2 years but the KKs seem to be challenging that court-decision.
>>5895186
depending on who you go to around 6 months (YMMV) waiting of continously being sure that you want to undergo hrt. you'll have to talk a lot about your past, present and your feelings.

>>5895299
Danke schonmal. Denkst du das kann man in der Psychiatrie schon anfangen Ida sollte man besser nach nem Therapeuten außerhalb davon aufsuchen? Komme auch aus nrw. Wie hast du deinen Therapeuten ausgesucht? Gibt's da Spezialisten oda so? Und was is ein endocrinologist ?

>>5895351
http://www.transsexuell.de/adr-psych.shtml
>Denkst du das kann man in der Psychiatrie schon anfangen Ida sollte man besser nach nem Therapeuten außerhalb davon aufsuchen?
Keine Ahnung. Denke es kann nicht schaden, hab aber keine Erfahrung damit.
>Und was is ein endocrinologist ?
Endokrinologe. Kümmert sich um Hormone und so was. Der verschreibt HRT.

I'm sure this gets asked a lot but does anyone else get nervous practising voice at home because of roommates? Even if all your roommates are also trans?

I've put it off for a long time as a result. Does having a job where you have to talk to people a lot help?

>>5895747
Yeah, I'd say it's pretty common. I live on my own and I still find it takes a massive amount of effort on my part to work up the nerve to practice. I just find it mentally exhausting and frustrating.

>>5895747
Sounds normal. I live alone, but my apartment has thin walls and I feel the same.

>Does having a job where you have to talk to people a lot help?
Probably. Whatever you do, make sure you don't underuse your voice. I never really talked a lot and it made my voice muscles weak, and now it's hard to talk.

>>5895299

Ich komme aus der Nähe von Stuttgart. Hier gibt es so gut wie niemanden der sich mit dem Thema auskennt, deshalb kann ich nur zu der einen Psychologin.

Beim MRT wurde mir gesagt, dass es eine ganz normale Voruntersuchung in meinem Fall wäre.
Bei einem Endokrinologen habe ich auch schon einen Termin, allerdings nur zur Chromosomenuntersuchung und zur Bestimmung des Hormonhaushaltes.
Erst wenn ich das alles habe will sie mit mir "den nächsten Schritt" gehen.
Ich hab auch schon gehört, dass es bei manchen viel schneller geht deshalb kotzt mich das auch wirklich extrem an. Da ich allerdings kein Auto habe, bin ich dazu gezwungen zu dieser Psychologin zu gehen und so nochmal 6 Monate zu verlieren :(

>>5895784
>Beim MRT wurde mir gesagt, dass es eine ganz normale Voruntersuchung in meinem Fall wäre.
Noch nie davon gehört wenn es um Transsexualität geht, aber ich kenne deinen Fall nicht.
>Bei einem Endokrinologen habe ich auch schon einen Termin, allerdings nur zur Chromosomenuntersuchung und zur Bestimmung des Hormonhaushaltes.
Das ist immer der erste Termin. Danach sollte es aber nicht nochmal 6 Monate bis zum Rezept dauern??
Im Endeffekt kommt es immer sehr stark auf die Region an und den Therapeuten bei dem man ist. Jeder Tag warten ist scheisse, ich weiss, aber 6 Monate sind auch nicht die Welt :) Viel schaden kann Testo nicht in der Zeit.

>>5895747
I just sing along to artists whose voices I want.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i35KOGBYBo This dude is great for voice lowering (ftm obviously) and as long as you're singing along people don't question it.

hi yall
question about hormone side effects

is it possible to experience side effects as early as 2 days after starting treatment?
yesterday and today I've felt oddly drowsy, a bit emotional, and Im having trouble concentrating.

is this from the mones? i didnt expect to feel anything like this so soon. is it even possible, or is it all in my head?

ty

>>5896075
That sounds very possible. If spiro (I'm guessing?) is making you drowsy, what I always found to help is popping B complex vitamins daily.

>>5896159
ok thank you, yes im taking spiro. I'll look into those vitamins, thanks

Don't you fall off the board, thread.

Since Im 18 I have started to feel attracted to the idea of being a female (i used to create fake accounts to pretend I was a cute girl, and sometimes I did the same but in a naughty way, I also started creating female characters in videogames around that age).
I also started dressing more androgynous and lose a lot of weight so I have a kinda feminine shape.
But I was never feminine as a kid, never wanted to dress as a girl or played with dolls or hanged out with girls, neither I was masculine like sports or flirting, I was just awkward and alone.

Im 24 now and my mother told me she is willing to support me, Im not really that happy because after so many years of repression I fucked up my brain a lot.

But my problem is that now my mother says she dont believe me Im trans since she have been looking about it and its always young kids that show faggotry signs at very young age the ones that are trans and I never did. She keeps asking me to just admit Im gay and I like guys and that she doesnt care if Im the male or the female in the relationship.
She also said something about me being schizoid (diagnosed) and that because of that I always want things but doesnt really means I have that problem or that it will fix anything, or something like that, i didnt paid much attention because I was too bad and she was talking too much stupidity.

ahhhh i'm fucking trans, help!
ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

>>5899432
Most people don't fit the TruTrans narrative perfectly.

Do you have specific questions ?

Male Anon here.
How do I tell if I'm trans?
Is there a test I can take?

>>5899749
nope. just lots of introspection.

Non hugbox answer, oldest age hormones will work and you should consider transitioning instead of jumping in front of a train k thnx xx.

>>5899756
depends completely on genetics

Why do you think gender dysphoria is so common among white males?

>>5899772
[citation needed]

>>5899772
What makes you think it particularly common among white male specifically ?

Also # of people with GID >= # of people that transition

>>5899756
>Non hugbox answer

You've been told there isn't a clear-cut answer before, haven't you? It wasn't hugboxing. Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.

How to fix voice? Even my bf at best says I sound 'ambiguous' when I'm at the very highest end of my range.

>>5899737
Yes, How can I prove myself and my mother that Im actually trans?

>>5900176
get diagnosed?

>>5900176
Give it time and don't overthink one way or another. For others just get the diagnose but dont rush your personal decision. You can always try to get some AA if you feel like you're being stressed out about changes going on.

>>5900176
there really isn't a strict ckecklist you have to go through to be trans. it's really kinda simple:
do you have a strong desire to be the other sex?
do you feel strong discomfort with your current body because it isn't the other sex?
has the wish to transition been consistent for a while (6 months is listed in the DSM-V)?
is it likely that these feelings have been present from childhood on? if you can find signs that's great but you don't have to beat yourself over finding signs.
note that it's always about your feelings(!) not your behavior or how others perceive you.
tell your mom that she knows very little about how to diagnose and identify trans people and that she should trust your judgement because there is no way for her to know.
i'd recommend visiting a therapist specialized in gender issues.

>>5900183
How do I do that?

>>5900189
I have been living in denial for 5 years, I already reached a point where I hate myself, I cut everytime I crossdress and Im homophobic/trasphobic as fuck. Im not willing to keep waiting.

If I just feel ok being a man with no sex life, but I'd feel happier being more feminine in many ways as well as being able to open up in the personal life, does it counts as dysphoria?

>>5900294
dysphoria means (more or less) feeling bad so do you feel bad about being male?

>>5900277
Looks like you have a big bag of problems you might want to get sorted out first. Seriously dont rush it especially when you are as unstable as you are, get AA if you cant wait but take care of your other problems before you start taking estrogen.

>>5899766
>>5899830
But isn't there an approximate answer? For example, do you really think anyone would be able to pass at 40 or even 35?
I'd say 25 is already pushing it, and at 30 you'd have to be a really really feminine looking azn twink to pass.

>>5900317
Well, that's the thing, I think it feels pretty much as a straight cis male would feel as a kissless virgin with no personal life who masturbates to cartoons, it's not a nice life, but kinda on the same level of manageble.
But if I think about a personal life it all comes down to being undesirable at the state I am of now, and I'd feel much more comfortable being in a more feminine state in many ways.
Like I don't feel that much strong emotions on being male or female in an everyday social life or that it bothered me that much, but at a personal level being that masculine/non-feminine feels definetly unsatisfactory. And as if living as a female in general would be just a simple continuation of a feminine personal life, and not a goal in itself.

>>5900375
> I think it feels pretty much as a straight cis male would feel as a kissless virgin with no personal life who masturbates to cartoons
comparing yourself with other people isn't really helpful. these people have their own personal reasons for how they got to to that point. you need to figure out your own reasons for how you got to the point where you are and then you can figure out what will make you happy.
>But if I think about a personal life it all comes down to being undesirable at the state I am of now
what makes you feel that way? what state and why are you in that state?
>and I'd feel much more comfortable being in a more feminine state in many ways.
why and what do you mean with feminine state, behavior or body wise or something else?
> And as if living as a female in general would be just a simple continuation of a feminine personal life, and not a goal in itself.
you can be a straight cis guy that behaves feminine, nothing wrong with that.

>>5900375
>as a straight cis male would feel as a kissless virgin with no personal life who masturbates to cartoons
I've been there, turns out dysphoria caused depression, which made me like a zombie, since I didn't care about anything ever in life. You should start HRT to advance your life, you will regret wasting time later in life. Only after starting HRT I realized how much I really wanted to be a girl and it motivated me to take better care of myself and understood that I actually want things.

>>5900416
Well, I just compare with what I know from other peoples lifes and stories, or course it's not the same, but this is something I can relate to.
>what makes you feel that way? what state and why are you in that state?
Well, there are many factors, of course appearance is one of it as well as patterns of behaviour that come with it. I think I would be much more comfortable engaging in the relationships looking the way I would prefer to. There is also the fact that in my life right now I'm not really in the place to live openly about it, but that's another problem.
>why and what do you mean with feminine state, behavior or body wise or something else?
Well, I think I would be pretty much comfortable with a completely feminine body, despite not really having a desire to get rid of penis or caring about boobs. And the behavior that comes with it, like clothes, movement, voice, etc would be favorable.
>you can be a straight cis guy that behaves feminine, nothing wrong with that.
At this point, if you want to live a personal life predominantly in a feminine way, and don't really care if you are male or female in an everyday life, what's the point of living as a male?
btw I'm attracted to men and I'm pretty much into being a bottom, so that also plays the part

>>5900431
>which made me like a zombie, since I didn't care about anything ever in life.
That's also something I can relate to.

>>5900459

>looking the way I would prefer to.
which is?

>I think I would be pretty much comfortable with a completely feminine body
so you aren't comfortable with your male body?

>and don't really care if you are male or female in an everyday life
now you're confusing me. so are you only talking about how you'd prefer sex? because i got the impression you seemed to prefer being female in everyday life? i mean:
>Well, I think I would be pretty much comfortable with a completely feminine body [...] And the behavior that comes with it, like clothes, movement, voice, etc would be favorable.

>despite not really having a desire to get rid of penis or caring about boobs
>comfortable with a completely feminine body,
these are contradicting each other, no? what else is there that you desire about a feminine body if not boobs and a vagina?

>what's the point of living as a male?
well transitioning involves quite some work and you'll be dependant on medication for the rest of your life. that's definitely more than worth it if you desire a female body but if you don't really care... idk.

>btw I'm attracted to men and I'm pretty much into being a bottom, so that also plays the part
you don't have to fit into any "role". you do you. i'm not trying to offend you or imply anything: have you ever been to a psychiatrist or psychologist and have been diagnosed with something?

>>5891114
Some of the links in the OP are leading to 404s.

Namely the one on exercise and how to measure body size.

>>5900564
>which is?
I explained it already: "completely feminine body, despite not really having a desire to get rid of penis or caring about boobs"
>so you aren't comfortable with your male body?
>now you're confusing me. so are you only talking about how you'd prefer sex? because i got the impression you seemed to prefer being female in everyday life?
In a situations where it would matter, like personal, sexual life - yes, in most social situations it's not really a big deal. I mean it would be nice to be able to express yourself in the society, but It's not really important if I go, for example, to buy groceries or into some boring office job as a male or as a female. It would be convenient, but it's not like it itself bothers me that much.
>these are contradicting each other, no? what else is there that you desire about a feminine body if not boobs and a vagina?
Wew, dude, I couldn't disagree more on this, there are lot of feminine traits of a female body
out there than just boobs and vagina. Like general fat and muscle redistribution, nice big butt and hips, thin waist, facial structure, hair, skin texture and not having body hair, etc. To add to it that small and flat boobs can be quite attractive, there are people who are into it, there are girls who like it this way, I don't see a problem with this. For me big boobs would just feel out of place based on my body image. As well as not having penis, I've never felt a strong dysphoria about it and have a hard time imagining having a vagina, and despite of not planning to use it much in a sexual life, I'd feel weird without it and don't see point of getting rid of it.
>you don't have to fit into any "role". you do you.
It's not like I'm trying to fit into a role, but there are gender roles in one way or another, and that's why I'm wondering if one would be more preferable for me to relate to than the other.
That comment was more about "you can be a straight cis guy that behaves feminine" anyway.

>>5900326
>tfw when starting at 24

feels numb.

>>5900564
>have you ever been to a psychiatrist or psychologist and have been diagnosed with something?
Why are you asking, lol? I probably was long time ago as a kid, but don't remember being diagnosed with anything. Maybe I have something, I can't be sure, but it's probably irrelevant to the discussion. And I'm pretty much not in the place right now to bother psychiatrists on whether or not I have a gender dysphoria.
If it's a comment that my sentences may sound a bit weird, then as an excuse I'm not a native english speaker and it's kinda hard for me to write about this personal stuff.

>>5900756
same :I

>>5900756
>probably won't be able to transition before 30s
>have male pattern baldness
whelp

>>5900850

Well theres always ffs and hair transplants assuming the worst. We all gona make it desu.

>>5900850
24, already balding hard

>>5900871
I'm 23 and already gave up and getting used to buzz cut to be my hair style of choise on years to come

>>5900749
>but it's not like it itself bothers me that much.
so it does bother you though?
> I think it feels pretty much as a straight cis male would feel as a kissless virgin with no personal life who masturbates to cartoons,
i really don't understand this statement of yours. it gives to me the impression that you think straight cis males in the situation you are right now are attracted to men and wish they had a female body? i can assure you that straight cis males do not wish to be women, neither socially nor physically.
well you did put some thought into how you want to look like. what's keeping you from acquiring the body you would prefer?

>>5900892
Why the fuck would you want a buzzcut? I can understand not transitioning out of fear of becoming a hon (even then I'd prefer taking my chances and then just detransitioning if I failed) but why would you make yourself hyper masculine? At least live as a feminine guy, that way you won't erupt in a wave of rage every time you see a pretty cis girl.

>>5900899
>so it does bother you though?
Well, I bothers me that you have to hide your preferences in such situations, but I don't think that being a male or female in such situations would matter that much. If I could be feminine in personal life then it would reflect on other spheres of my life and it would be convinient to be able to express it freely.
>i really don't understand this statement of yours
I ment it more in a sense that despite different personal preferences and the difficultes surrounding them if I had to realise them, it's pretty much the same life of a regular dude who also can't get into personal life, at least based on the stories of such people. Like I can relate to that person, but if we had to finally be able to get a personal life, it would be different stories.
>what's keeping you from acquiring the body you would prefer?
Honestly, I don't really live in a place right now to be able to openly express my sexual or gender prefferences, so for now I'm basically in the closet. Maybe in the future I would be able to get into place where I could live openly with this and have means for it, but for now this is how things go. If I was in the possition to live out that life, I definetly would.
>>5900901
Well, again living in the closet problem.
And besides, what other haircut options there are for the balding men that look good besides buzz cut?

>>5901041
you may want to look into AA and estrogen pills. they will stop you from balding and while you may not be able to come out yet you could become more comfortable with your body. maybe things will change and you'll be able to socially transition in the future. as far as i know physical transitioning can be hidden for quite some time with a little effort.

Is it normal for dysphoria to get worse after starting hrt? Two weeks in and its just gotten out of control

>>5900326
you just gave one. it's about listing cases.
do you look like a caveman by 16? are you an anz twink at 30?
all that can be said is that earlier is always a higher chance

>>5900273
I wish i was a female, no the person i am right now, neither a feminine me, neither a trans me, i want to be a girl, a real one that looks decent/good.
I dont feel so strong discomfort because im already feminine and look a bit girlish, but still i hate my masculine traits.
I have feel this way for almost 5 years, at first it wasnt continued, i felt like a month horrible like that, then back to normal, then 2 months like dysphoric again and then back to normal, it was a long time like that until i felt dyaphoric everyday.
I never felt like this in my childhood, it started at late 18, but i was always depressed since 13yo for no apparent reason.

>>5901095
a few months in it actually started getting bad for me...kind of weird

decapeptyl good/bad?

By the way, lately in a store I've seen "Asparagus Rasemonus" being sold. After googling it it seems like it may have estrogenic features, while some studies say that it may not.
So I wonder, does anyone has any knowledge or experience with this? Is it worth as the slightest sort of pre-emptive measure, or is it literally useless in relation to hormones?

i don't know if i just like feminine bodies or if i actually like trans,fem boys etc..etc.. i like girls but i don't really have an interest in trying to get one but at the same time when i think about it i like the company of guys and i generally feel happier and comfortable around them. im just really confused about this whole thing.

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>>5892976
>Herbal supplements are useless

Estradiol is synthesized from soy or yams. puera mirifica is one of the strongest phytoestrogen there is.

The are other sources that can block testosterone like spearmint or saw palmetto which block DHT.

>>5892951
If you want to know if it's legit research the manufacture. Even online pharmacies can be suspect so be-careful.

>>5901219
I can't make sense of anything of what you're saying or what you want input on, except the part about you feeling confused. Give it one more go?

Is there any excuse I can use for excessive dieting ( I am 5'7'' 115lbs/ 51kg 170cm) done for the purpose of losing some of my muscles on my upper body? I am going to start work tomorrow and I don't really want to hide something that's going to be so painfully obvious.

>>5901261
don't know if i like dudes, sorry if that came out like a bunch of gibberish. sometimes i just type what comes to me first.

With every passing day I feel more and more dysphoria, yet I'm still in denial.
I'm still not sure if I simply haven't just convinced myself of being trans and it's all just in my head.
I should probably talk about it with my therapist, but I'm afraid of bringing it up, because I fear she might consider it as a distraction in order to escape from resolving other issues.

I think I'm just being paranoid, I'm transitioning and havent told my family and I feel as if some of them know or at least question it.
I'm a selfmedding closet case, only been taking my hormones for a few months, my chest has gotten softer and as well as my facial features, only slightly, not really noticeable. and been growing my hair out continuosly despite everyone telling me i "need a haircut" or "youre hair is getting long" but the reason I feel they may know is my brother and his fiance said and did things the othernight that seemed kinda odd if I weren't transitioning to a girl. a couple times during the day my brother went to poke me in the chest, then stopped before touching me had a "oh shit, I almost forgot" kind of look and then carried on with other things. and she commented on a commercial about shaving legs and said "you know how hard it is to get around the ankles" and looked right at me. in my head I was "yeah I do, it sucks" but I quickly redirected to my brother who swam in highschool, and say "you know about that"
I think they would be supportive, but I'm fucking terrified that they wont be and it would cause alot of drama. I'm not sure what to do I know things will be awkward anyways.

>>5901451
I'm not say you are or arent trans, but I was where you are less than a year ago, I was also in denial for many years prior. I started taking hormones 2 months ago, after making a promise to myself on new years, to make a decision about it.
I dont know what youre already seing a therapist for but it couldnt hurt to tell them about this.

>>5901278
Just tell them your on a diet, or you havent been very hungry lately. I cut red meat, almost completely out of my diet and started eating a little more vegatarian style, to help lower my testosterone. I too wanted to lose some of my muscle mass, its a slow process if your being healthy about it. which i would recommend.

>>5901562
I just really hate the whole 'YOU are on a diet? Really?' and then the incessant cackles and dumb commentary on what I need to do and how I should be living my life.

And I am trying, senpai. I know I can improve on how I am going about it, and I am. Bit by bit. It just hurts how I have no support, in person at least. Thanks for looking out for me.

>>5901662
I know how you feel, I dont have anyone to talk to unless i come here. yeah telling people your on a diet will get that response. if people dont ask you dont have to tell them. I wish you the best.

>>5901451
tell your therapist about all your issues honestly, unless they involve things that they will fuck you over for (suicidal thoughts, pedophilia, homocidal)

>>5901662
fuck them. they're probably disgusting fatasses who will get huge guts and diabetes within a few years. just take any comments they have and amplify them
>yeah i'm dieting, trying to get down to 2 or 3 pounds
or just call them fat if they're really assholes about it

>>5901767
thank you. all the best to you too

>>5901786
I don't want to fight with them, I know they are probably struggling with their own insecurities and short comings. i just want them to leave me alone

>>5900326
>>5900756
>>5900812
I started 26-27 ish and I am passing decently 18 months into HRT after I had laser hair removal done for my face.

>>5901095
First month generally has a lot of emotional effects and it seems to effect people differently.

>>5901502
>I think they would be supportive, but I'm fucking terrified that they wont be and it would cause alot of drama. I'm not sure what to do I know things will be awkward anyways.

Its like that for a lot of us, try testing the waters with whoever you're most unsure about with some LGBT topic to see how how they feel and if it seems ok, but it's too much pressure to say it, you can always give them something written it can be a lot easier to express your thoughts and feelings that way without the pressure.

Otherwise it takes longer of people who see you every day to catch on than you think.

Hey so I think I finally want to come out to my parents, would it be a bad idea to do so via email?

Are there any good resources I could link them to so they could learn more about this kinda stuff too? Preferably something not too alienating to conservative types but also filled with accurate info. Really though I just don't want them going off trying to do their own research and stumbling across batshit stuff online.

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is it better now that it's too late to transition (20, past puberty, well built male with muscles)

Even without that. Every angle I look at my face. I can't imagine it being feminine.

To simply double down on my masculinty and simply flood my system with rage hatred and anger? Since it's the only thing I'll ever have?

How do I kill the female aspects of my psyche?

If i can't be a pretty girl on the outside. I'll should a least be a man on the inside.

>>5902189
If you use an excessive amount of muscle supplements that contain Tryphytan, you can eventually shrink and kill what in the brain is known as the "female emotion centre" and leave you a empathy lacking, arrogant, but emotionally indestructible psycho

It's an aggression agent. So be able to offload that aggression into something.

But take that shit? You'll never feel weak again.

>>5902189
You're 20 you can pass if you actually try to transition. That's plenty young to start.

>>5902189
yeah it doesn't work that way. its just going to get worse, just try to transition and see what happens.

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>>5902189
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

>>5902241
>>5902246
but I am literally an Alpha male in everything but mind.

I feel it's just much easier to change the mind than change the body.

There has to be a way to defeat my own mind.

>>5902266
All empirical data suggest the opposite. Kinda why medical transition is a thing.

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>>5902222
>quads

Holy shit this has to be my solution.

>>5902222
I just googled it and found literally nothing.
>>5902266
>There has to be a way to defeat my own mind.
lobotomy?

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>>5902273
I'm really tempted by the Adam tier drug route here >>5902222


I simply feel. It's better for me to reign in hell than to serve in heaven.


It's better to be the best of something I don't want to be. Than to be a mediocre wome", who will not pass guaranteed.

My time has passed. If I was a child. There could have been a chance.


I must cultivate my male aggression and use it to quarantine the female remnants of my mind. For the greater good.

>>5902266
>but I am literally an Alpha male in everything but mind.
>I feel it's just much easier to change the mind than change the body.

So what the body is easier to change, taking bills, laser hair removal, growing hair out, getting comfortable being feminine, & such are all far more easy than changing it.

>There has to be a way to defeat my own mind.

Sure just achieve enlightenment or something it can't be that hard, people only spend their whole lives trying to reach it and fail.

>>5902292
I misspelled it sorry.


"Whey Protein Powder and Depression. The link between whey protein powder and depression relief may come from the amino acid L-tryptophan, also referred to simply as tryptophan."

>>5902294
or you can stop being an edgelord and deal with it like an adult
with systematic alcohol consumption

>>5902298
I just want to stop the pain I feel when I see a pretty girl. Wishing I was her.

The yearning for something I KNOW i cannot have and cannot be.

I want that to stop. By any means possible.

>>5902317
Being an edgelord is a male trait though. I need to cultivate it

>>5902308
>dietary supplement for use as an antidepressant, anxiolytic, and sleep aid
>side effects of tryptophan include nausea, diarrhea, drowsiness, lightheadedness, headache, dry mouth, blurred vision, sedation, euphoria, and nystagmus (involuntary eye movements)
wow, that really sounds like something to turn you into a rage fueled war machine with no feelings and feminity

>>5902319
Why not try transitioning then? What do you have to lose?

>I KNOW i cannot have and cannot be.

You don't how it will turn out unless you can look 5 years down the road and see HRT effects you.

>I just want to stop the pain. By any means possible.

Not feeling like your body is becoming you dislike/hate more every day eases some of it.

>>5902330
You clearly haven't met a lot of edgy "lol so random xdd" grills in your life.
Besides it's a trait of a boy, not a man.
You need a manly trait, like alcoholism.

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>>5902337
>imblying

>>5902340
I have respect to lose.

From my peers, my friends, my family.

And my sense of normality. My ability to feel like just another person.

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>>5902189
Bruh, it's never too late.

>>5901983
>I started 26-27 ish and I am passing

Good glad to hear it.

>>5902337
>nausea
What a more manly form of sickness than puking your guts up?
>Diarrhea
Girls don't poop. Men shit.
>drowsiness
A man in stupor from the glory of battle or the drunken state after the feast >lightheadedness
Freedom from ones one mind.
>headache
Pain to suppress the female thoughts
>dry mouth
Like the desert of masculinity. Feminine moisture will not flourish here
>blurred vision
Blind from the glory of Man
>sedation
Rest from the battle
>euphoria
That's good tho
>nystagmus
Always keeping a lookout

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>>5902440
I really wish I hadn't seen that pic.

My heart hurts now

>>5902422
Ok but if they only respect/accept/like your facade then you probably don't really want to be connected with them anyways.

And friends/peers are unlikely to reject you unless they're hyper religious or you live in some super conservative area or they're too immature to, and family is always unpredictable.

>And my sense of normality. My ability to feel like just another person.

You're still a person after you start transitioning anon. And what normality you're posting on 4chan about LGBT topics.

>>5902491
That's why I post here.

It's secret. It's anonymous. It's disposable

It's a place I can share my innermost feelings. Feelings and thoughts I wouldn't dare share with anyone.

I fear the consequences too much. Gonna place my bet for s gender swap on reincarnation. Better luck next round.

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>>5902480
It's seriously never too late.

This lady was a Green Beret and fought in Afghanistan looking like one of the most masculine people imaginable and now she's beautiful imo

It's not impossible for anyone.

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>>5902522
DAMN YOU FOUL SORCERER

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>>5902542
She looks even better now after awhile on HRT.

We're all gonna make it bruh

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>>5902549
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j_dz6Lb8oU

>this will never happen to me

>>5902566
Just get on hormones jfc

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>>5902572
But I'm scared

What if I turn into a ugly tranny

Is there a repo of the best ffs timelines/before-afters?

>>5902592
What if you dont?

Tbf at least its worth a shot and if all else fails at least you can say that you tried.

>>5902600
What about having titties and being infertile? It would suck to totally fail and be stuck with that.

>>5902610
Store sperm beforehand? I mean if you really want kids and you want to settle down with another women.

In regards to the titties yes you would be stuck with that but theres surgery if you really regret it to remove them.

>>5902610
Not as much as being depressed and suicidal and dysphoric with no way out because you waited so fucking long and made an insurmountable mess of your life. Also I think you'd like having titties, they're fun af.

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>>5902600
M-maybe

>>5902610
dude the entire point of the tranny meme is to cull the gentile population
we're not supposed to reproduce

>>5902616
Yeah, I'm undecided on losing the ability to have kids. I really don't want any for the foreseeable future, but I don't know how I'll feel about this in say, 10 years from now. Any recommended resources on sperm banks?

>>5902626
>taking the hormonal Jew

>>5902636

Unfortunately not, im in the UK but sperm storage is just too pricey for me broke graduate and I dont want to delay things anymore.

Theres also the chance you can stop HRT and regain fertility but this chance decreases with time for example maybe 6 months plus or more it varies by person to person. It also damages the sperm higher chance of faults etc.

>>5902422
>>5902510
too real

>>5902641
>still believes the lies of the testosterone jew

>>5902636
jizz in a cup and stick it in your freezer tbqh

Hi I'm kind of facing the reality that I need to get my hair cut or sort of styled at some point soon, I'm about a year hrt and extremely self conscious, I find it hard to leave the house right now as a boy or as a girl. But it's my birthday in two weeks (which I'm really not looking forward to) and I will have to go out for a meal with my extended family (ironically for someone elses birthday :p) so I want to be as presentable as I can be. They all know but haven't seen me many times since then. I'm at the point where I cry even looking into the mirror, so I don't know how I'm going to cope getting a haircut or going out in public. I've only been out in girlmode with friends before so I don't know what to do? Also any general haircut advice?

>>5902679
wear it with curls mother fucker
own dat shit nigger

>>5902669
>testosteron makes you hairy and grow a beard
>jews are hairy and have beards
Coincidence? I think not.

>>5902636
There is always adoption option in the future.

>>5902422
I was trying to keep a journal, when I started HRT. The day I took my first dose of spironolactone, I wrote an entry that read "today, I am officially abnormal".

I rediscovered that journal years later (never been very good at keeping them), laughed and threw it out. You develop a new normal. Your will and resolve strengthen.

>>5902679
I wish I had advice for this, but I don't as I treasure my hair too much to let it be cut right now because I haven't found a stylist I could trust to cut it right and I am scared to let just anyone cut it. (it's been over 5 years since it was cut)

Anyone know if cypro can be taken with finasteride.

Is it stupid to use minoxidil, while I'm already on cypro and my levels are fine? Because my hair is falling out and I suspect that it is minoxidil's fault.

>>5902821
very unlikely, more likely cause is low levels of vitamin D or low iron, calcium. minoxidil will only help by increasing blood flow to the scalp. Ask a doctor.

>>5902839
Ok, thank you, I'll try to get a blood test this week. I just find it weird because I'm not dieting so it should be fine.

>>5902940
lots of conditions can cause those losses outside of dieting, but ye get it checked out should be fine.

advice on coming out to my therapist?
every time I go I tell myself I'm going to do it but I can never get the words out.
im there for anxiety and depression, she's probably getting annoyed with all the "I don't know" answers, when in reality most of this stems from gender dysphoria.
I don't think writing it down would make it any easier, actually that might be harder for me.

>>5903068
If its important sooner or later you will say it, may as well get it out of the way if its holding you back.

>>5903089
it is important and I really want to say something but it feels like I physically can't, don't know how else to describe it

not to mention it's probably the last thing she would expect

>>5903068
Print some papers for her to read. I brought my therapist a printout of DMS 5's definition of gender dysphoria.

>>5903119
for whatever reason I feel like this would be harder

also I noticed she had a dsm-iv book, that's bad right?

>>5903068
I literally just did this yesterday, I told her there was something I needed to tell her but physically couldn't, and tried to get her to guess, or to take the reigns on the conversation. She wouldn't, and she sat there in silence while I sobbed, and eventually sputtered it out after about 5 minutes...

Turns out she had guessed it about 6 months ago and was just waiting for me to say it...

After that though it got a lot easier to talk about, so I would recommend that route (bringing up your inability to talk about your issues rather than the issues themselves, as it will lead to it); if you're like me, you wouldn't be able to simply hand over a letter or some shit...

>>5903068
>>5903154
Also, don't drink or smoke weed or whatever you do before you go in; I've been sober for about a month now and I wouldn't have been able to do it if i was still self-medicating

>>5903154
damn. did she say why she suspected that?

>>5903154
this is probably the best way to go about it I guess. at least then I'll be forced to say something.

>>5903198
Yeah I have a bad binge drinking problem and she realized I was 'very confused'. I also used to talk a lot about how i always felt different from the other guys around me and my dislike of traditional masculine traits...
I guess she knew before I did lol

>>5903209
Yeah I didn't expect to be able to do it but put yourself in the situation and there'll be only one way out...
Feels good desu, I feel like I made more progress with her in half an hour than the last year
And If you're as confused as I am it's also extremely validating to have a professional understand and be able to formally communicate your feelings

>>5901983
thanks, I actually have another brother thats gay, he'd probly be the most understanding, though we havent always gotten along. Plus I'm the oldest of my siblings, I keep thinking how odd it would be to see their older "brother" become their "sister"

>>5902189
20 is not too late, I turned 30 last fall before finally deciding to transition as have some other more inspiring transwomen
>>5902440
>>5902522
>>5902549
this is Lady Feral, she is a major inspiration to me and finally making the desicion. I think she is 32 now only been in transition for 3 years. I think she looks beautiful.

Fallon Fox, is 40 I think. I also think she transitioned around 30.

Natalie Mars, 31 started transition about a year ago.

Seriously Look at these girls, they did ok at around 30. Gave me alot of hope for myself. I hope to be as beautiful as them, I think I'll be ok. I know you will you got 10 extra years, I wasted my 20's.

So I was thinking today, I 've been trying to figure out how to tell people. Every scenario I plan for the worst. the best I've come up with is dress up as my girly self on halloween, and maybe put a masqurade mask on. I mean get my hair done it should be long enough do my make up and nails. I think my brother will throw a party like he always does, he's gay and would probly be one of the best people to come out to. anyways I'll go in girlmode hang out and see if anyone catches on before revealing myself. I donno its an idea

>>5903447
Maybe just come out to him if he's chill? I mean your little plan would be neat, but maybe give him a heads up before you show up at his place full en femme in front of a crowd of acquaintances...

>>5902189
Me --> >>5903407
but I am literally an Alpha male in everything but mind.
Just because you want to be a girl doesn't mean you can't do manly things you want to or like to do.
I like to Hunt, hike, fishing, camping, I love that shit, I still like alot of things that boys do, I'm atracted to women still. I tried the heteromale disguise a long time and even tried proving my masculinity to hide my true self. It doesnt work it just makes it worse. I was a miserable asshole when I was trying to "be a man" I hate that part of my past

>>5903460
No, your right. that could be a really bad idea, even in the company of other lgbt persons.
I just want to finally comeout and stay in girlmode more and more with each passing day. he's one of probly only a handful of people that could be supportive. part of my reason for transition is I was sick of hiding, but I'm still hiding. I'm he's gay and I have some gay friends but no other trans around that i'm aware of. so I dont have anyone I can talk to about it, so its awkward

>>5903499
Yeah i understand where you're coming from, but I'm sure he can relate in terms of feeling different, being afraid, and the process of coming out...
And anyway, do you really want to wait all the way until halloween ;)

>>5902172
> Would it be a bad idea to do so via email?
Ehhh, probably not. :/ Pretty much equivalent to the whole note-writing idea.

>Are there any good resources
Well, this doesn't really deal with trans issues specifically, but it at least breaks the whole gender identity thing into a more "user-friendly" explanation. Sorry, don't have much that's better atm. Maybe some of the links from the OP?
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2015/03/the-genderbread-person-v3/

>>5903407
>>5902698
Maybe it's possible...

>>5902803
It should be, I took both for a couple of months and haven't had any unpleasant side effects

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I encourage anyone having gender identity issues to take a heavy dose of psychedelics.

>>5904294
Literally trying to get a mushroom hookup for a spirit quest right now friend :)

>>5893481

You're really cute as a boy so you'll be cute as as a girl too I think

10/10 would date how tall are you

>>5904294
I did, helped me a lot. Not repressing anymore

Because of shit laws where i live i have started drinking a ton of herbal tea every day thats supposed to work as like mediocre anti androgens, considering that, would taking estrogen pills made for cis women be safe/actually do anything for me?

pills: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00KRZNQRW?keywords=estrogen&qid=1458644961&ref_=sr_1_3&s=drugstore&sr=1-3

>>5904358
>>5904294
I wanna be a girl :(

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Hey, does anyone else here feel like their trans desires are invented by their own obsessiveness...
I just don't know if how I feel is real, i'm getting all these memories come up from the past but i could just be subconsciously inventing them or assigning meaning where there is none...
Is this real, or am I somehow a transtrender without wanting to be? Because I made a trans friend and her experience is really different to mine where shes known since she was twelve and im really scared and anxious that if i dont know soon i will never do it or never pass and i just want someone to cuddle me and tell me everything will be alright...

>>5904360
please someone who knows something about this stuff help i am so desperate and wanna know if i need to wait until im 18 to start or if this is safe enough

>>5904374
your autism doesn't invalidate your transness

Yesterday I went to a pub with a few female friends,but I was feeling worse and worse as time passes,and finally I just let them here and came home,the reason is I was feeling envious fron them,just because they are women,attractive or not.Is this normal?I dont think it is,but Im scared as hell...I definitely need some help...

Anyone know if german statuary insurance covers hair removal for mtfs?

>>5904394
That is my experience every time I go out to bars. Parties too. They're the worst. It's exhausting.

>>5904389
Thank you... I think?

Seriously though I'm losing my fucking mind going around in circles with this bullshit over whether I'm making this up or not...

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>>5904800
>Going around in circles...whether I'm making this up or not.
Welcome to the club. Only advice I can really give is try to get in to see a therapist or even just a counselor. Someone you can open up to. A lot of times just talking to someone else about it can help you figure out how you really feel.

>>5905026
Yeah I finally managed to come out to my therapist yesterday, after seeing her for nearly two years...
Turns out shes had suspicions for basically half the time i've been seeing her, and was just waiting for me to speak up.
But otherwise it was really fantastic. Once I got past the sobbing and managed to sputter out 'i thiink i might have gender issues' it all began to flow pretty naturally, and i'm definitely feeling better than before, not due to knowing, but from feeling like im close to knowing, if that makes sense...

>>5904374
You're not alone.

Is there a way to raise my pitch that doesn't involve raising my adam's apple?

I've been practicing for two months and I can't raise my adam's apple any higher.

>>5891328
What do you think about taking 1000mg of spiro along with e patches?

Is it normal to start having mood swings the second day of hrt?

>>5905045
How did they guess?

>>5905698
Yes. Exogenous hormones and hormone blockers act quickly on hormone receptors.

>>5903514
No I really dont ;) I just dont know when or how to come out. :/

>>5905104
try in combination with that, humming at high pitches while driving in the car, I always had a wide vocal range and could get high pitch if i wanted. so when i'm in the car I try singing along with songs at a higher pitch, doing that and the adams apple pushing thing, seems to have yeilded some results. The vocal thing I've done for years I admit not intentionally though I didnt decide to transition until this year. and my adams apple is a little less noticeable than it was before.

Dont give up on it, it will take a while though. and trust me on the vocal stuff singing and humming does help

I know it is not unusual to feel like this. I just want to hear if any of you ever felt like this and how he/she dealt with it.
I'm a male and part of me likes it that way. Other part of me hates it and sometime makes me want to disappear. I don't want to get old as any gender. I find it disgusting for myself to age and develop even stronger sex traits, it would be better if time for me would just stop. I want to stop caring about this, it is so stupid and pointless. I just want to be normal and care about things I can work with, about problems I can solve.

>>5906000
Well you obviously don't have to come out to everyone at once, and your brother seems like the best way to go, he'll be understding and respectful.
You really don't need to make a huge thing out of it, really you could just pull an 'i need to talk' and sit him down and say it.
Writing a letter is also popular from what i understand, but thats always seemed odd to me but idk...
Anyway, I guess what my takeaway point is is that coming out can be a gradual process so if you take it in steps you can ensure the right support structures are there to hold you up

>>5905729
Ill just copy paste it from another thread; its weird to me that this is the part that everyone wants to know lol
She said to me that my pattern of self destructive behaviour (alcoholism, removing myself from society/social interactions) made it clear that i was unhappy with a fundamental aspect of my life, even if i didnt know what that was yet.
This, combined with my aversion to traditionally masculine traits and activities, and my aversion to talk about any sexual/related to sexuality pretty much narrowed down the list, and from there it was just picking up stuff in order to confirm this i guess...


Hope that helps :)

So I think I'm suicidal or at least it just seems more and more inevitable that I am going to kill myself as time goes on. Unless my attempts to turn my life around work out, which they aren't, I don't see myself at least not making an attempt before the end of 2017.

So anyway I was wondering if wanting to be female may just be escapism on my part and that I'm not really trans. Does this seem likely?

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>>5906363
Welcome to my world

>>5904294
NO DON'T DO THIS
it's just going to make you think you actually are trans when you're not

>>5906522
I've been like this at least six years, its just gotten worse lately and I'm currently going through a period where it has decided to bother again.

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>>5906363
yes, it's possible that it's escapism. It sounds like you want to reinvent yourself and get a fresh start on life. But there are lots of ways of doing that that don't involve permanently altering your body.

Educating myself in philosophy (especially Eastern philosophy and existentialism) has has helped me a lot. It's reassuring to know that people much smarter than myself have grappled with these ideas and were able to find answers that satisfied them.

If you're desperate for a radical change: >>5904294
It's not the safest course of action, but if you're already suicidal, you don't have much to lose.

>>5905264
uhhh you mean 100mg not 1g right

>>5906337
i didn't post to you but i'd like to know because I basically "came out" about gender problems straight away because i just wrote a long description of everything and included a bunch of shit i wrote on 4chan about it. so the fact that your therapist independently guessed that you might be trans is appealing because it would mean that it wasn't shit that you were just making up

>>5906542
I don't think I'm that desperate yet. I'll keep it in mind though.

What are the other ways of reinventing myself? Please.

>>5906559
Yeah exactly, it was really validating to hear it from someome else, even if i had to press her to admit it a little bit, and that still feeds my paranoia about it...

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This is my first time on /lgbt/. I know you're a little biased, but I want your opinion anyway.

I've never really been entirely "with" the whole male program. The only thing that's been really important to me is being an autonomous, independent human being. After spending some time playing some online games a few years ago, I occasionally got told that I had a very warm, feminine personality. I was thoroughly flattered when somebody, who knew I was male, said I reminded him of a girl he had a crush on in high school.

As a very short male (5'4) with feminine attributes, I don't feel like my appearance does much justice to how I feel. So I've been constantly thinking about dieting and exercising to get a more feminine appearance, growing longer hair, wearing make-up, etc. I think I could make it work.

However, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what my family would think. I'm afraid of what my friends would think. I'm afraid of my coworkers, my acquaintances, mentors, and what people I will meet will think of me. I'm still diehard romantically attracted to women and want to have a family someday, but I'm afraid I'll lose that if I change myself like this. I'm afraid I won't be taken seriously as a professional. However, I've noticed when I'm really starting to come apart at the seams, I always fall back on these feelings and they comfort me. There's just so much to lose for so little to gain, but obviously I feel strongly about it because I still can't make the decision.

What do?

>>5906542
I've been reading that shit voraciously since I was like 13 and I've used acid before. Still in the same boat as the girl you're replying to...I'm sooo close to biting the bullet and just talking to a doctor about it, I could easily see myself committing suicide by 2018, especially with the way I'm aging. But I'm autistically resistant to changing my life in any way even though it's making me fucking miserable.

Still I can't tell if I'm actually trans, I keep asking myself "Why me? Why is it me that wants to do this? What makes me so different from all of my CisHet male friends?"

>>5906247
I do have a few others I think I can come out to in addition to my brother, his boyfriend, my very close gay friend, a very close female friend I've known since childhood. my roommate who is also gay and a fiend of my brothers, Holy crap I am surronded by gay men I dont know how i didnt realize that before. lol
the awkward part about coming out to my brother is that I'm the oldest of my siblings and he came out several years ago far ahead of me, I fear he will look at me a little critical for that fact like "what the fuck took YOU so long"

ok, I kinda had a little bit of a panic attack when I looked at myself in the mirror today.
I am definitely having an accerated reaction to my meds, I have little A maybe B cup breasts and a nice round ass, My nipples are sore all the time, and my face is looking more feminine and my facial hair is growing 5x slower. This is what I wanted yes, but its happening much faster than I was told. I shouldnt be noticing any changes like this until the 6 month mark. I'm only 2 months in. This is making me think I already had some hormonal issues I wasnt aware of(entirely possible). I'm happy to have the results but I still have things that havent been taken care of, My hair for example, on my head it seems to have slowed too, though it seems to be filling in more. but my body hair is still present,
my head hair is still shorter than I wanted to have it before I come out. I was gonna wait a few more months before doing that. but now I may have to sooner

:o what to do...

>>5906671
I'm happy for you Anon ;_;

Maybe I can be a girl in the next life

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>>5905045
Hey, that's really great to hear! So glad things are going well for you!

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>Sitting in a data structures and algorithms course at uni.
>Prof starts talking about different types of heuristics for list searching/sorting and pulls up a list of some.
>One of the methods is called "Move-to-Front".
>Think to myself, "Oh hey, that would be abbreviated to MtF. Huh."
>Look at the next methods.
>It's called transpose.
>TRANSpose.

Halp, anons. I think I'm officially obsessed.

>>5906766
the brainwashing was successful

>>5906539
Why do you say that? Did it happen to you? What was it like?

I don't believe it's outside the realm of possibility, but I think you'd have to be well overwhelmed for something like that to happen. And delusions tend to pass upon coming down, whereas an epiphany with a basis in reality has staying power.

While tripping, the wrongness of my physical body stands in stark contrast to how willing I am to accept my mind or ego, warts and all. I understood that if there was anything I could do to alleviate the pain of physical dysphoria, then I should do it. Resigning yourself to suffering is not noble.

I would encourage almost anyone to take a mild to moderate dose of psychedelics and do whatever, preferably with good friends and a trip sitter.

>>5906717
Thanks but its really not going that well though,
i just admitted that im really confused and think i might be trans, but i still dont know so...
Thanks though, your name really fits :3

>>5906580
i knew I was different for a long long time, I kinda knew what it was, but immediately shut it away out of shame, embarrassment and fear.
I've been where you are, I never sought help or support I just bottled it up inside for years, I'd get in a relationship with a girl and try to stop being my feminine self. Eventually after several years of denial and self resentment. I came to a crossroads. my relationships always failed, I lived and dressed and acted the way a "man" should. It made me unhappy, unfulfilled. I had become angry resentful, Noboby liked that me, I wasnt fun to be around my friends would blow me off my family hated my attitude.
Then I moved and became somewhat isolated from everyone. then I became selfaware of all of this, I questioned all my decisions. I regretted living my life the way I had been living it. But I was still in the middle of the life I'd made. last october I took a much needed vaction to clear my head and remove all other factors from my mind, my family, my friends, my job, my drama. I spent 2 weeks traveling in europe, I let everything go, I acted more like my true self, I met people made some friends. and had a great time. I left everything behind.
I realized that these new strangers got to see me better than I let my own family. I thought about myself and what it was I wanted, screw what everyone else thought or would think, what was right for me. 3 months later I started hrt
I struggled with the same issues your are dealing with now, I waited, and fought it for too long. that didnt work for me. even if you decide this isnt for you and you want to be a man thats fine, do what you think will make you the happiest. I wish you the best

I'm going to see a psychologist tomorrow for depression, would it be a dumb idea to bring up that I have gender identity issues?
I'm really anxious about this.

>>5906830
I occasionally fight with the idea that I should be more manly if only for the sake of getting around socially. But I've always been in the middle: I don't want to be more "manly" in my socializing. I just want to be more confident. I don't think this issue will make or break that, but it'd be a lot off my chest. I mean, the issue isn't even that I want to go through any change through surgery. Hell, I don't even want to charge my personality as I'm already pretty androgynous in that regard. I just want to wear feminine clothes and feel pretty.

Fortunately, I know at least some of my friends would be supportive of me. As for everybody else, I have no fucking idea. LOL I hope things work out for you too. It really breaks my heart that people get stuck between what they think they want (to be "normal") and what they really want at heart.


>>5906870
I've been thinking about seeing a therapist, and I imagine that I'd want to lay all my cards on the table immediately for what I'd be paying for. The only reason you shouldn't share it is if you are completely uncomfortable with sharing it and would like to work through other things first.

>>5906870
Well, I mean, you probably should because the depression might stem from it, and I'd want you to if i was a psych

Also it feels good man desu

But don't do it unless you're comfortable with the psych, or if it's your first time. You want to be able to speak candidly; it took me over a year...

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>>5906575
travel. Change your environment. If you're an introvert, force yourself into new and uncomfortable experiences. If you're an extrovert...who am I kidding, we're all introverts here.
Meet people who are living radically different lives. Talk to a homeless person. Sign up for a retreat at a local monastery. Hitchhike.

>>5906588
>I'm autistically resistant to changing my life in any way even though it's making me fucking miserable
I can empathize with that. Our upbringing has made us so afraid to stray from the beaten path. But I think the reality is that you're more resilient than you think. We think that if we lost our job and got evicted, it'd be the end of the world. But that sort of thing happens to people all the time, and somehow they muddle through, and somehow they find happiness and meaning again.

>I keep asking myself "Why me?"
Why not you? If not you, who?
Our purpose in life is not to spend 80 years in perfect equanimity, with no struggle, no suffering. You are tracing a unique path through the infinite fractal of causality. Embrace your identity, and with it your fate. When you take an impersonal view of your life, you can dispense with the labels "good" and "bad," leaving only "different."
At least, that's the place acid takes me to. I need to go back soon...

Does anyone else come from a family that would have been horrible to grow up with even if you'd been born cis? I feel like it's the only thing that's made transition such a chore.

When I came out, I took the opportunity to look over my life and it turned out that, among other things, I had to plain cut off contact with some family members. Now, because of the stressful childhood where I could never concentrate in school and because I don't have much of a family left to lean on, plus a recession, I'm really fucking struggling and I don't know when I'm going to be stable and past all this so I can enjoy my life without feeling all I'm doing is cleaning up a mess.

>>5906897
It would be my first time, so you're advising against it? I've brought it up with my therapist and others already in the past.

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>Go to a psychologist
>at a place that's dedicated to sexuality and gender issues in youth
>keep bringing up gender stuff
>she keeps moving the topic away straight away and giving vague answers
>always feel like I have to force the topic to go that way


Idk if it's just because its a touchy subject and she doesn't want to rush right in to it or if she has a problem but i dunno what to do, I wanna get started on hrt before my birthday this year

>>5907050
Im sorry i assumed you had never spoke to anyone about it before, i guess i meant in terms of your comfort and ability to sleak openly about it

Its sounds like you have no problems there in which case go for it :D

>>5906337
Holy crap. You sound like me.

>>5907109
Oh.
I'm so sorry :(

Seriously though, whats your thing? Are you further along than me or is this your first hint that something might be up?

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>>5906766
Good...Good!

>>5906916
or they just suffer and kill themselves. stop being obnoxiously optimistic

>>5907073
Can you just be really straightforward about it and ask? Or try to get another therapist from the group?

>>5906812
Sorry, I guess I just meant that it's good that you feel more comfortable talking to your therapist now. It sounds like you're in a good position to make meaningful progress on figuring things out.
>Your name really fits.
Haha Thanks! Nickname of mine - long-ish story.

>>5907466
It's ok, i dont know why i corrected you, thanks for caring

Hi ^ .^ is the following a signs of a latent gender dysphoria?

all onset by puberty.
-when my wiener got bigger I develop'ed an obsession about kepping the bulge hidden. the thought of someone noticeing I have a bulge feels me with dread. I can not explain why. I wouldnt say I hate my dick it just is a part of me?

-was disgust'ed by changes such as hair n voice. In grade 6 sex ed, teach ask'ed us if we where happy about the changes taken place. I could not for the life of me see how anyone Could be. I was very scare'd of bringing these changes up with my parent so I shave'd in secret .

-personality change for the worse. quit my hobbies, quit takeing school seriusly, went from extrovert to introvert, lost popularity, becomeing depress'ed emo video gamer. Why? Didnt kno why at the time, really avoid'ed thinking about it, but truth be told I was to scare'd to grow up n be like the rest of my peers.. wish'ed I could fit in but didnt want to be someone else to do it . To much stress. I still like'd going to school more then staying home but I stop'ed doing my work;it was pointless stress.

-thanksfully puberty didnt make me bigger or hairyer or manlyer and I thoughted was a good thing. Peers made fun of me, the way I move'd, call'ed me gay. i thought they where just jealous but now I see why they did it.

-consciously want'ed to be a girl but I known it was impossible therefor I try'ed to be like the emo musicians instead. it wasnt a big deal to me, I thought who wouldn rather be a girl? I thought all boys would rather be girls hence it wasnt something that should upset me.

Im a losser at life. im wondering if my problems are because Im meant to be a girl. Im not sure. I dont have a future;nothing to life for . I got too create one. If I can fix my lives displeasure by comeing out as a girl it might be worth the effort. But if it turn'ed out to be the irrelevant problem i would depply regret it.

tnx

>>5907575
literally me
literally dropped out of school to lie in bed and cut myself while listening to fucking circle takes the square or something

just get hrt i guess, you don't need to come out
we never need to come out of our bedrooms

>>5907575
After a deliberation of 0 seconds, the jury is back and the verdict is in:

You're trans as all hell. Congratulations.

>>5906580
>>5906894
You speak a lot of what I feel

>>5907073

What's that picture from?

Also, if your therapist keeps moving away from the subject, you need to ask them why. It won't do you any good to have a doc who won't help.

>>5907190
Well, there was the self-destructive behavior, and then inability to do social things without getting really depressed. I used to be able to do stuff, and I like being social, but over time it got worse, like from "it'd be nice to be a girl, i wish i was like that, but i'm sure every guy does" to eventually being "holy shit, my life is going by and I'll never have one year where I'm a girl, why aren't my hips like that, or my hair? my wrists aren't small and dainty anymore. fuck all this hair everywhere. i hate being so tall. wtf is happening to my skin, it's getting coarser? fml". I mean, what's the point if I can't be a girl, right? You go out, and girls literally everywhere. In person, radio, tv, newspapers, magazines, advertisements. Holy fuck, it's depressing. So when I did go partying, I'd drink to the point that I was totally numb, but it never really numbed it completely. Mostly just drank at home alone though. I also went through a phase of hating all masculinity for a while because I didn't want to be associated with it, like I was so enlightened or something, but eventually snapped out of it. I tried getting with girls, but whenever it started to go further than making out I'd shut down. Stuff like that.

Already on hormones. I think I'm permanently broken though desu.

>>5907726
steins;gate

>>5906809
I mean, yes and no. I say that semi-ironically like a lot of things in order to push away the ever more impending thought that I'm actually trans. Here's something I wrote on the way up on my first trip

>holy shit. I am no
>no
>transgender
>well fucking look at yourself
>you are literally literally literally on estrogen right now . Looking in the mirror and seeing a woman make you happy.

It was probably one of the first or the first time I actually seriously allowed that idea. It solidified more on the second one, when I took more and had at least some of what I think is ego loss. Kinda pissed that I don't have what I wrote then, because I learned the hard way that LibreOffice is shit.

I thought the same at first, that everyone should try it, but I eventually revised it to anyone who doesn't mind thinking. I know some who wouldn't fit that. A friend can help, but if you have no friends and are kind of solitary anyway, it could still be ok. I took them both alone in my room, to feel secure, and I really don't think I would like to take them with anybody, except maybe a therapist. The first was universally good feelings. The second, I had a bit of a freak out when I thought I was going to throw up, and then a meta-freak that the trip would become bad. Kind of self-fulfilling I guess, but it turned out ok.

>>5907748
this is happening to me
i went to hang out at my friend's house with like 10 other MEN
all of my cute little boy childhood friends ARE FUCKING MEN NOW
WHAT THE FUCK?
i got so fucking drunk and just couldn't talk for hours, just sat in place with my eyes closed
ugggghhhh
what the fuuuuuck

>>5907748
Yeah ok, i guess you are me, good to know...
Its getting worse everytime i leave the house now i find myself staring at women wishing i was them
Well i guess it kind of helps that someone like me got on mones, i was scared it was all in my psyche and i was making it up, and it would turn out i was borderline or ocd or some shit

>>5907607
What makes you sure? keep in mind im describeing my feelings n experiences of which I deem'ed to be relevant . there maybe more to share but what most upsets me is the overall discontent'edness with my life. its not quite depression, but i oftentimes feel depress'ed. Im not sure if its latent gender dysphoria because i dont actively wish to become a girl all the time, such craveings mainly become forefront during times of intense inner turmoil; otherwise during times of content'edness i feel wrong for wantung to be a girl. Day to day i obsess about things like trying to maintain a youthful appearance hence i research the biology of ageing and obsess about diet too. i should by all means be enjoying my youth ,instead im keen on preserveing it. recognizeing this disorder'ed motif of a directionless life, i set out to be more active, get my life together before its to late. i made some progress but my feelings were conflict'ed. it was the same feeling that led to my giveing up on school. that feeling which i am heading down the wrong path even if its was a real achievement. even if I had my life together, I would be even more dissatisfy'ed? the life of a financially successful man is extreemly stressful and what would i get in return? i realiz'ed it wasnt failure, but rather success which i truely fear. perhaps because my deep subconscious knows success as a man would be a failure? this explain'ed my content'edness with underachieving. not out of laziness, but succeeding makes me feel worse then failure. Hence I regress'ed back to the dayly inertia . Better to live by meager means without stress then grind through pain for no return. Thus i spend my days as if im preparing for the future by avoiding the present. In my head as long as I stay youthful I am content, could it be the latent dysphoria fueling such dysfunctional behavior? sometimes I feel detach'ed, and looking at the state of my life I feel overwhelm'ed by an urge to do something to change.

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Pre-HRT MtF here, I've had blood tests and the results came back saying that I have a high prolcatin level (although I play with my nipples a lot desu and I've read this can have an affect) and my GP wanted me to re-take my prolactin levels, Had the test done yesterday and I'm waiting for the results.

I was just wondering how much of an issue high prolactin levels are? I've already ordered my HRT (spiro for now, but gonna be switching to Cypro once my first two months worth of Spiro run out) and I was wondering what the dangers/side effects of starting HRT If I do turn out to have high prolactin levels. I really want to start as soon as possible, but my GP is obviously telling me not to start until it's sorted out. Also, I already have gynecomastia, and I was wondering if this has a correlation with good breast development with HRT.
Thanks in advance everyone!

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>>5907960
>'ed

>>5907602
Hello,sister?! Same situation regarding school and life, wow

this hrt is is an appealing solution to me but risky if you keept it a secret what if someone found out? if you selfadminister it yo still have to disclose to doctors if u ever see one.? if you got prescription parent would know by insurance to.

Anyways liveing so long like this im quite use'd to it by now. What do we have to loose? if worst comes to worst I could pretend I never try'ed the hrt

would i feel better starting hrt and keeping it secret? which medication would be best for this? could simplely being on hrt alone and not transitioning being enough to treat it? im not ready for transitioning , very stressful im sure and it would be good to see how i feel on the hrt first. n at this point im more concern'ed about how I feel inside than being socially a girl. i read it can help the brain be at peace. if I could fell good with myself I would never come out but mainly I dont want to stay inside my bedroom forever, hence why im seeking help to begin with

>>5908055
Sry ^ .^

>>5908085
i'm not afraid of people finding out, everyone already knows i'm a fucking weirdo and that there's something wrong with me, i don't think it would come as a surprise
i'll just fucking get the fucking hrt already

>>5906559
Yes ,stupid me.

Im about to start hormones and i heard smoking and drinking is bad.

What does it exactly means?
I drink like 3 beers per month, and I ocasionally drink fag drinks (those made with fruits) and not that much either.
I dont smoke cigarettes but I smoke weed from time to time, like a joint a week. And I like to make edible weed things, like milk or cookies, does that affect the hormones too?

>>5908330
Alcohol actually contains estrogen, so dont worry about that, but stay away from beer, carbs luv ;)

Im not sure about smoking but i cant see it being too much of an issue, though im certainly no expert and by no means should you listen to me

>>5908330
>>5908365
Oh wait shit alcohol might fuck with your kidneys when on hrt too :/

>>5908330
From my limited understanding, it's that hormones are already significantly strenuous upon one's liver to make the frequent consumption of large amounts of alcohol a bad idea.

Is it possible to be transgender without showing signs in early childhood? I played legos with brother and sister, liked dragons and magic and climbed up trees..

>>5908407
I have the exact same question, my mother refuse to believe me Im trans because I was never feminine as a kid and TV made her believe that being a faggy kid is the only way to be trans

>>5908407
I've seen a lot of anons on this board saying they didn't show signs in early childhood but ended up trans. And by the way, girls can like all those things too. Particular enjoyments or pastimes shouldn't dictate the way you perceive your body or your self.

>>5908330
Weed is fine, nicotine is the problem when people talk about smoking in HRT.

>>5908407
I think it's actually more common not to show early signs in childhood, particularly if you were a timid or socially inverted child, or if you allowed those around you massive influence in shaping your personality, as you pick up the way you're supposed to act and put these in place from a very young age, so you may have had mechanisms in place to repress the urges before you even had the urges to begin with. I think that's what happened to me.

But if you really scour your memory I'm sure you'll see patterns of behaviour emerge, especially when you're alone.
I, for one, remember multiple occasions of rewinding and rewatching scenes in movies that featured a transwoman or crossdresser, and specifically not picking female characters in games out of fear of what people would think.
Both cases are from when I was like 8, mind, which isn't really typical thoughts and behaviour in retrospect, and it shouldn't have taken more than a decade to acknowledge that something was up.

>>5908407
>>5908460
Conditioning and repression happen very quickly. By age 2 you've already been influenced a lot. Rather than looking at interests, I agree you can learn more by looking at behavior.

Many forget what it's like to be kids but i have memory back to age 2. Ages 4-5 was a big kid age relatively, for kids who went to school on their own. We might see them as babies, but actual babies see them differently.

Maybe you had typical boy interests even at age 2. But with conditioning already going on for so long, you can't trust your own interests. Interests age 1 and sooner may be reliable. As a young child I received tons of praise for looking cute in cowboy boots and vest and hat, so I said I wanted to be a cowboy when I grew up, but I knew nothing about cowboys outside Woodie from Toy Story. The praise is what I really liked.

So back to behavior. If you can, look at activities you stuck with that others DID NOT support. If you did what you're told it's no surprise you didn't cultivate an interest in barbies or makeup when you were likely reprimanded for it if you ever tried, or you picked up that it was bad some other way.

For me, I always had a meek, docile personality. I was easy for my mom to take care of. But everyone feels stress, I was only the type to direct it inward instead of outward. As I grew older this never changed about me. No one could get me to stop sucking my thumb, and I see that as a forewarning of the kind of person I'd grow up to be. I was so overwhelmed by anxiety even as a child that I didn't care about doing something selfdestructive or upsetting my parents or any further punishment because the anxiety hurt that much and the thumbsucking was the only way to soothe it.

>>5908410
Are you me? I talked to my mum and she tries to convince me that I'm not trans and 'just' gay. She's christian and my assumption is she's bound to the old gender role system. But she has a gay brother I hoped to get more support from her.
>>5908411
That's what I secretly thought too.
>>5908460
Bingo. I always tried to make my parents no trouble and had two friends.
The first time I thought about being born wrong was when watching a movie about a ftm transgender when I was twelve.
>>5908600
I feel you. When I was young I went with my mum to carnival and instead of cowboy it was being dressed as a knight.
I was always my mum's first address to talk about her problems with my father.

Thank alot for your answers and excuse my poor english. I'll talk to my therapist about all this.

>>5908600
I know what you mean about compulsion and anxiety, I was always, and still am, an extremely violent nailbiter, to the point in which my fingers constantly bleed and most of my nails are basically nonexistant...
But as a young teen i remember desperately trying to get out of boy scouts and soccer, which were both heavily pushed by my parents and friends, and those are traditionally masculine activities so i guess they may serve as evidence in reverse to what you suggested...

>>5908410
>>5908411
I've seen a few places say that the stereotype of flaming kids being gay is wrong, and that it's more likely the quiet, shy, polite ones who are future mtf's.

>If you go through with this you can no longer consider yourself a part of this family.
Oh gosh, thanks for the support.
Glad I didn't try to come out before I was self sufficient.

>>5908734
I'm so sorry, its sad to hear this stuff when it actually happens, but at least it sounds like you're not losing too much...

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;_; so strong on the outside.

So weak inside

>>5908809
Life is pain.

I hate walking down the streets at night because i can visibly see people frightened of me; clutching their purses, stepping out of the way, walking faster. I try to smile softly but it only seems to make them more nervous. I wish people could see how I felt on the inside...