> you're about to be teleported into the middle of a

>>35092586
>pick up spear
>pick up water
>pick up food
>run away
I'll do alright.

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>>35092586
I sit close to the garage.

>>35092586
Leatherman Surge on my belt, and the Wave in the backpack on the bed next to me. I'm in a motel room in SoCal so that's all I'm stuck with. If I'm going into the middle of a battle, then the melee weapons and armor I have at home wouldn't even save me from getting chopped into little bitty pieces parts. I'm fucked either way.

Honestly id just grab a maglight and some batteries and maybe a zippo and maybe my little solar charger for my phone if i can reach it in time. Id be utterly fucking fecked in combat so my best chance would be to dazzle them with my futuristic shit and hope the romans treat me like a demigod or some shit. Itd be like that movie with martin lawrence where he is teleported back to mediviel times except since im not a nigger itll all work out for me.

Best non firearm weapons i got are a folding knife and a couple of eskrima sticks which wont help me against spears.

I'd have to choose between a homemade, untempered sword and a large meat-axe.

I'd probably go with the axe.

>>35092586
I'd pick up an assegai, since the Romans and Germans were originally black.

The best thing to bring back to ancient Rome would be some razors and lotion and silicone lubricant since rich romans were all boy-loving gayfags. You could live out your youth servicing senators and never have to go to war. Also bring as many condoms as possible, they basically invented STDs.

>>35092586

>15 seconds
that's fucked up OP.

Grabbing grosse messer, axe, leatherman, and a bottle of whiskey.

I'm just gonna hope this is one of those battles the Germans win, because I might be able to blend with them. Romans would probably kill on sight since I'm not in uniform and have a beard. Best case scenario I get taken hostage, maybe tortured a bit while they try to figure out what retarded sort of Latin-Germanic language I'm speaking.

>>35092586
i could reach a 9mm with 5 loaded mags and two boxes of defense ammo and a complete iba vest, can't quite reach a helmet. oh. no guns. a pocket knife then.

>>35092586
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH, TODAY WAS AMMO RESTOCK DAY, BITCHES!!!!!!

I'll grab my AK and assorted mags from beside my bed, my boots (beside my bed) my FAL (beside my bed) and a pouch I keep on a belt to sling over my shoulder that I have filled with AK mags.

That should at least get me out of the battle.
Do I ever get to go home?

>>35094497
Didn't read...fuck me, I'm sorry OP.
Anyways, I could have a kitchen knife by the very tail end of those 15 seconds...
Maybe a Kukri.

>>35094513

Honestly with just a kitchen knife you're gonna be made someone's ass slave. Best case scenario, once Gaius the Gay decides your boipussy is too loose, if you've been working out you might be sold as a gladiator and have a shot at a pretty good life.

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>>35092586
got an hk91 right by me with 15 mags loaded (going to range tomorrow), and a shitty CETME.

>>35094563
Lot of illiterates on tonight

>>35094540
I'm a pretty okay fighter if I could pinch a sword off the ground or something.
That's the sad part.

I just don't own anything that could be a melee weapon without also functioning as a gun.

>>35092586
>grab muh science/chemistry/anatomy reference books
>run away from trouble and act like a scared and highly non dangerous nerd
>use my strange and extremely valuable books, fine clothes, and strange mannerisms to convince the battles victors that i can probably be ransomed for a small fortune to my undoubtedly aristocratic family
>whilst they engage in communication with with the losers of the battle in an unsuccessful attempt to ransom me back i learn the local language enough to interact with my captors
>use my bizarre technomagic skills combined with some semi believable lies to convince them that i am a valuable friend and ally
>take over the world

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>>35092586
Looks like I'm going into battle naked with only a Gurkha kukri.

Grab my gas mask and jugs of bleach and ammonia with me.

You have have swords and arrows but never underestimate the power of nerve gas.

>>35094874
How the fuck did *may* get auto corrected into have!?

Fuck but you guys get what happens when you mix the two so imagine that but ten times more in the middle of the roman-german battlefield.

I would be seen as death itself as they flee with their blood spewing from their mouths from my poisonous gas

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>>35092586
I'd probably be okay maybe

>>35092586
a small ceramic ashtray and a terrier and a shitty laptop. I show them pron.

Pax pornatus ensues and I am made emperor. I appoint terrier as my military commander

>>35092586
>fruit knife
>bag of dildoes
>lube
>150 yards of rope
>jug of water
>no clothes
At least I'll be hydrated

I would grab my spring loaded powerful pellet rifle with large amounts of 22 size pellets and my black powder revolver with lots of percussion caps, black powder and lead bullets as well oil and a chemistry and math book so I would know how to make black powder and other shit.

Technically those are not classified as firearms so they are exempt from your rules.

>>35095041
Chemistry book I can understand but why would you bring a math book?

Can someone explain this to me?

>>35092586
>Grab Long sword
>Grab camp axe
>Grab my shield
>Grab spear
>Grab boots and gloves
>Grab camp/bugout bag
>Teleport with all my shit bundled up in my arms
>Fuck off away from battle to get boots, gloves, sword belt, etc strapped on.
>Go medieval on these iron age savages.
>Kill one too many Germanics and cease to exist because lol I just killed my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandpa.

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>>35092586
I grab my go bag, vest, AR, and wait for the teleport locked, cocked, and ready to rock.

>hurr u dint reed
SHALL
NOT
BE
INFRINGED
FAGGOT

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>>35092586
>mfw I'll be going into battle with a Zippo, 2 packs of Marlboro lights, an axe and a hatchet.

If I make a dash for it I might be able to grab my sledgehammer too. I'd be the fucking hero from Homeus Depotus

8 kg dumbbell, 3 chocolate bars, 24-pack of energy drinks, backpack, I love you mug, knife and a pellet gun

>>35092586
>riveted maille shirt+jack, longsword, handaxe, arming sword, sallet or kettle hat, and a modern compound bow.
>also 1000 lumen usb rechargeable flashlight, my brick of a cellphone, and a portable solar charger.

>>35092586
Fuck right off, I'm not fighting seasoned warriors in brutal melee combat. Grabbing my toolchest, knife and bottle of water so I can bring precision measurement and tooling to both Romans and Celts in an attempt to avert the destruction of both civilisations.

Hopefully after showing them the miracle of natural gas reserves as a power source, hygiene and production standardisation, Europe won't fall into ruin and I can make a better future.

>>35095260
This guy gets it
>no spacefaring Romans in the 16th century
Why live?

>>35092586
No firearms then, but as a reloader and a back pack of supplies and basic tools, knowledge and books I can overcome matchlocks, wheel locks and go strait to breech loaded muskets with at time metallurgy and work towards bolt action in 2 or 3 years with the use of my reloading supplies, tools and books.
In 5 years basic WW1 Level machineguns, tanks and airplanes.
My ultimate goal would be to destroy Islam before it becomes successful.

>pick up osage bow
>pick up arrows
>pick up sticklestad sword
Im good with my bow and could fight for either side relatively safely from a distance. The sword is made out of be high quality carbon steel and would easily chew up the simple metal they were using at the time in their weapons and armor. I could sell it and my services for a large amount of money and live well.

>>35092586
I have a bunch of guns.
>I don't care for your rules.

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>>35095260
>tfw Romans had much more precise systems of measurement than this guy.

>>35092586
something impossibly technological for that age and a gas mask for added spookyness

>>35094907
A subtle wind ruins your plan dipshit

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>>35092746
>Bring the bible in the draw start Christianity and become jesus

Best time line

Sitting on the shitter at work so tp, fleece, and an iphone.

>>35096357
>mfw no cell phone service in gaul

2 kitchen knives, fruit knife, meat tenderizer and shoes

>>35092586
>stapler
>fork
>drafting tools
>i hate being in the office

>>35095092
He saw army of darkness too many times

>>35095387
When time machines come about, I vote you're the first one we send back in time.

>God speed, anon

>>35092586
A pocket knife and an ecology textbook.

I don't think I'll last very long.

Grab megaphone
Yell at least 3 retarded germanic/latin bastard versions, and a downs version of ancient greek
Become an inter empire attraction before becoming a slave

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>>35092586
My suit of 13th century style, but modern metalurgy plate armor, my Poleaxe, a war pick and Pic related + several [spoiler]Jerry[/spoiler] cans of gas. LARP as a battle wizard and be feared enough by all sides that they compete for my services and worship me as a demigod of Incineration.

Loopholes motherfucker.

>>35096343
not in close combat amid shield walls and forests.

>>35096534
You can put your armor on in 15 seconds?

>>35092586
>tracksuit
>sheepskin slippers
>Dane axe

At least I die comfy

>>35096542
Fine, a subtle arrow disrupts your plan

>>35096572
No, but I can grab the stand its on, it then being in my possesion will be teleported with me, If someone tries to attack me while I put it on, I will light them on fire and join the other side.

>>35092586
>bow, 3 arrows, ok boots and a bunch of folding knives

yeah idk.. pretty fucked

>>35092586
I pick up my car from the parking lot and drive as close to civilization as i can get

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>>35092586
Lol I'm Australian, Victorian no less. I don't have any guns or swords because it's pain in the arse to get the exempt from the police. What I do have is a superior motor skills and sword sword techniques in comparison to your average Roman Manlet. Talhoffer, MS I:33 , Jixiao Xinshu all memeroised. I'm not some kind of autistic normie that likes kendo or something. I would tip my fedora but I literally don't have one.


God fucking help me. Why is VIC so tough on us. Blunt training weapons are classified as sharp steel swords here.

Also I'm not a virgin.

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I have a round centre boss shield, a sword and ill probably take an axe and some motorbike gloves as well.
Fight for the Germans, kill the degenerate the Roman child fuckers.

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>>35092586
>buck knife
>M40 gasmask
>flecktarn
>some of my text books
>poncho liner
>bluetooth speaker

Start proclaiming that I am a great scholar from lands beyond and that my knowledge will transform their existence.

Of course I am going to be screaming this in english, for I know no Latin other than what was said in FNV and the Kubist prayer. So they will just think I am some barbarian. Then I pull out my EDC flashlight and dazzle them with magic as I play some Death Grips and throw on the M40. Hopefully I mystify them enough to run. While running I'll be looking for a nice gladius, spear, or ax from any combatants so I can hope for some decent bushcraft.

>>35092586
I'm about to take a shower, so a razor blade, tooth brush, floss and a towel

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I'd join my fellow Romans. Kick some germanic ass. My Gladius could use some sharpening though.

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>>35096354
>That picture
Wtf

>>35098113
Fuck off, Jesus, get your own Heroin!

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>>35092586
I got this

>15 seconds

Even those of us who have spent their entire lives preparing for this moment aren't going to be throwing on armor and weapons in 15 seconds.

>>35094563
When op says no guns, but you cant help showing everyone ur firearms and ur dumb hat.

15 seconds? shit bro i'm on the toilet
i'll rub shit on my shaving razor. won't kill anyone but at least they'll die of infection

get in truck; it has all my gear

>>35092586
>15 sec
I could probably reach my recurve bow, and bp revolver in time. No arrows or ammo though, so a whole lot of tactical retreating when i get there

>>35092586
On belt hanging in closet
>Oakeshott Type X Sword
>bearded hand axe
>Kukuri
>Bowie

In duffel bag in closet
>SCA-grade harness (Wisby coat-of-plate breastplate, plate arms & legs, 10 AWG maile over coat-of plate tasset over titanium cup w/ jock, 14 lb salet /w bevor and articulated aventail, Plate-over-leather demi gauntlets)
>Synthetic gambison

Under bed
>GoreTex lined, steel shank, steel toe combat boots

Pretty good about fight if on the edges.
Terrified about fight if dropped right in the middle.
Need to figure out how to make popcorn in my helm if no actually invilved in the fight.

>>35098220
Switch to shaving with a straight razor IMMEDIATELY.

>>35098482
How do you use one without killing yourself?

>>35098553
First, do NOT draw the blade across your throat.
Second, visit the forums at Badger & Blade. A ggod straight razor will last several lifetimes and in the long run is cheaper than using a safety razor or cartridge (disposable) razors. Also, you can kill a man with one in a pinch.

Try doing that with your Ronco (Tm) shaver or your Bic vibrating fuckstick (now with 47 blades and 13 different moisturizing strips. Ribbed for her pleasue!)

>>35092789
Hey shut the fuck up guy

Does my disassembled glock count as a firearm? If not then that and my 30rd clips. Plus my BO bag.

>>35092586
My car.

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>>35092586

Surviving 101 says grab the tightest leather leggings and the sweetest vanilla perfüme and start praying that they still love virgin boi pucci.

>>35096687
Shamfur brehaviour, if you had a katana you could have conceivably defended your virginity for the next 20 years

>>35092586
>Romans and the Germans

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>>35096694
> warrior queen sees your display of valor
> invite you to her tent at night
> hot barbarian sex all night
> create babies who is your ancestor
> timeline crumples due to grandfather paradox
> doesn't matter had sex

>>35092586
Gambussen, compound bow, quiver, and my bushcraft sling pack, also a decent cookpot. Timed it and I can get all that and maybe another roll of paracord in 15 seconds.

Plan?
>Gtfo the melee and make my way north to Scandinavia and settle off in Finland.

>Law rune
>3 air runes
>Fire rune
>Teleport to Varrock
Checkmate atheists

>>35096354
> that skull

Where the fuck would a druggy obtain a skull from, let alone how?

>>35092789
WE

>>35092586
Boots, knife, and a baseball bat if I run.

Probably fucked

>>35099653
If you father your own ancestor you don't create paradox, you prevent it.

>>35092586
> An honest-to-god longsword.

Better than anything anyone had while the WRE was still around.

That said, I'd still get shanked within 5 seconds because it's a fucking battle and what the fuck am I gonna do?

>>35094944
What do you plan to do with literally nothing?

>>35092586
>Gold rings
Gonna run my ass down south to Rome and buy a sex slave or two, live out the rest of my life as a farmer or some shit.

>>35099836
kek

>>35092586
Camping Axe
SOG Mini-chete
Becker BK7 knife

I'll probably kill or wound one weak guy and then get gangraped by everyone else :/

>>35103226
I forgot my level III CATI plates

>>35092586
Bowie knife, crowbar, and toilet paper. Hope I have time to pull my pants up before the action

>>35092586
from where I'm sitting? right now? in 15 second?

>a karambit 4" fixed blade
>a 2 quart canteen
>be teleported in baseball shorts and a tee-shirt, not even socks on
I'd be fucking dead

>spawn in
>immediately book it out because no armor or practical weapon
>would probably get clubbed over the head because I am dressed weird
>say I dodge the blow
>german barbarina blocks path
>probably tackles me to the ground and bashes my skull in because I wouldn't be as strong as him
>let's say I cut his belly and shoulder check him so he's down
>come across armored roman
>get fucked because he'd chop my arm off if I swung a blade at his neck
>say for whatever reason I can kill one
>say that by grace of god I somehow get off of battlefield
>still fucked because wouldn't be able to speak with anyone
>say I build a small defensible spot or take up a cave reinforced with sharpened char strengthened sticks
>say I somehow can support myself in a place I've never been before living off the land
>say I miraculously survive winter
>say I stay unnoticed to locals and am never harassed or run out by locals
>say I don't get a simple infection or illness that destroys me because no antibiotics
>no pussy so why bother living?
>say I somehow get laid
>say I find a girl gathering mushrooms in the forest and kidnap her
>have her teach me barbaric germanic language
>return her to her tribe
>use advanced knowledge to convince them I'm a sorcerer
>get tribe under my thumb
>expand tribe power and influence
>take over nearby tribes
>eliminate tribe identity as they are absorbed
>they speak one language
>follow one religion
>forget their tribal past
>they only know the history of our new empire
>teach them military tactics
>teach them medical practices
>keep roman forces at bay
>die comfortably and pass the rule of the Northern European Empire down to my first born child who was the offspring of that woman I abducted

probability of success
0.000001%

>>35092586
i have a stick similar in length to a quarterstaff so i might go with that or steal the weapon of someone else

I grab my mothers dress, my cat, stuff some melons in my bust and pretend to be a lost woman on the battlefield.

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>>35103920
babushka! babushka!
please save my poor kitty kat!

>>35098995
No fucking fair!
I'm too old and hairy to compete with that bitch!
[spoiler]discreetly stabs[/spoiler]

oh wait, you obviously have a cock, nm, they will gut you like a fish.

>>35098995
Purge thy slant-eyed harlot!
(Why do i have yonder erection?)

>>35092586
>have knife
>have CO2 cartridge
>have pvc pipe
>have thumbtacks
good enough

>>35098906
fuck.
that would have saved me some dignity.

>>35103972
15 seconds, not minutes, mcgaiver

I'm taking a shit right now so I'm in trouble. I guess I'd go for my machete and hatchet and try to become Shitman The Barbarian.

>>35103972
>Have two switchblades
>Have replica scottish breast plate
>Have old family heirloom sword

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>>35104207
This is the sword btw. It's well preserved, because it has never been used for fighting. Just for decoration. My family got it several years before they immigrated to America, somewhere around the early 1700's.

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>>35092586
jump in pic related and bring my old "Pulse" 90's cassette to blast "Rhythm Is A Dancer" as i run over some filthy barbarians. Also some tequila and limes.

Holy shit, this is my time to shine!
-bastard sword
-ka-bar
-ka-bar big brother
-folding 3" knife
-small first aid kit
-phone
-solar charger

Idk how ill carry it all, but i would at least stand a chance of getting out of there maybe...

>>35104135
i know
i literally have all these next to me

>>35096376
jokes on you. i already have Back door whores 4 and BBC destruction compilation downloaded on my phone so i don't need service.

>>35104248
Good answer

>>35094328
>I'm just gonna hope this is one of those battles the Germans win, because I might be able to blend with them.

No, us Germans dont like Untermenschen. Especially American nu-males.

>>35092586
>russian javelin with spear head attached
>strange green metal can full of nitrogen and heavy
>backpack full of metal fingerbangs
>ear pro

Really though, almost all of us would die. Even on /k/ I wager there's only one or two people always rocking battle ready full plate with a good assortment of melee weapons within reach. My only possible saving grace would be the fencing foil which I'm not even really good with sitting next to the gun case. If I could manage it I'm grabbing that, my shoes, my fishing rod (roman hooks are modern quality but bronze), my filet knife, my bokken, and my go bag. If the entire contents of my room come with me there will be a lot of dead proto-krauts because regardless of what you say the AK is coming out and the mags are already loaded.

About the only language you'd be able to use is latin a modern which you probably do not know and is probably quite different from the latin of the time. Greek might work but again, probably not the same greek. Unless you're a fast learner you're going to be unable to communicate outside of basic gestures like pointing. There's also the risk of diseases that have not been around in that configuration for centuries as well as some that are outright gone today like smallpox. In other words lots of disease your body is only marginally ready to fight assuming your ancestors caught them at some point. You will probably be dead inside a year or two if not MUCH sooner, especially without guns.

>>35099845
A head shop?

>>35092586
Grab
>bastard sword
>break barrel stronk pellet rifle
>phone
>AK chest rig full of metal mags for armor
>bright as fuck headlamp
>yellow and red adidas tracksuit
>bug spray and lighter
Once I get there
>average height then is like 5'5"
>be 6'1"
>headlamp shining
>blasting running in the 90's from my loud as fuck phone
>lighting people on fire with bug spray flamethrower
>shooting loud as fuck pellet gun (same as .22 shooting subsonics)
>they see giant man shooting a blinding light from his forehead making loud bangs, shooting fire from his hands, and chopping manlet barbarians in half with a giant fucking sword while strange incomprehensible music plays from the heavens
>yell deus vult at the top of my lungs
>romans all rally around me
>win battle
>they bring me back to rome
>learn latin
>use my knowledge to "invent" steel, electricity, firearms, airplanes, cars, and any other good shit I have enough of an understanding of to invent.
>once they have a decently modern military I tell them about the americas
>romans with AK's and tanks absolutely fucking destroy natives
>romans then conquer the entire world
>I am their god
>spend the rest of my life shooting guns and banging hot roman qt's
Please teleport me back to ancient rome

>>35105186
>that feeling when the average man of the time would be around much shorter than you making you a fucking giant

>>35105021
Can you post 1 (one) gun that you own for us, Hans?

>>35105212
>Someone stands out
>Get pulled down by a dozen shrieking manlets and torn apart

>>35105248
Lets be honest here, most of us would stand out anyways simply because of our clothes.

>>35101743
Use my magical technology to convince them I am a god who can instill pain and suffering and death on a person at a whim (make an example by shooting someone) and rise to power

>>35092586
>hatchet
>folding knife
>swiss army knife
>unironically a katana

prepare to feel the kiss of glorious nippon steel

>>35092586
>grab the ground
>travel back in time with the whole planet
>destroy both worlds and create an enormous gravitational hazard
>The moon come down to crash on the remains of the earths.

>>35105338
>our clothes

No.
In 15s I don't have time to take clothes m8.

>>35095094
Good shit

>>35092586
grab tablet, phone, solar charger, they will cower in fear thinking im a god.

>>35105436
Swaying in the breeze eh anon?

On the shitter, so
Tomahawk
Kukri
Kevlar helmet
Bottle of whiskey
Boots
Level IIIa carrier loaded out
Pocket knife, multitool, smokes, lighter, all in pants pockets
Call the dog.
Hustler.
TP

Might be close in 15 seconds

>>35105451
I only wear clothes when I'm sure people could see me and be shocked by my freedom.
Most of the time, I'm naked, even for fetching my letters.
Less laundry to do, pretty comfy, no downside.

>>35105473
I just wear athletic clothes. The materials feel so good on the skin, so smooth and light.

>>35092586
Honestly? Beer, good new jeans, my work boots are fucking awesome, pocket knife, kitchen knife, shitty pretend sword, a frying pan, maybe something to act as a spear if I'm lucky and a bunch of pepperoni.

Then I'd try to get the fuck out of there

albion senlac sword, and a plank wood as a makeshift shield.

>>35098995
Don't forget to scream like a scared girl in order to try and protect yourself

Well, you said no firearms so fuel for my zippo, the gas mask and maybe my .22 airgun
I'm fucked

No real weapons but my morakinv but hey, atleast my hiking pack is in reach.

>>35092586
>no guns
yeah eat a bag of dick. just because you have no guns to bring on your ancient battle fantasy adventure, doesn't mean I wanna be fuckin' buttslave.
That being said, I am transported with a plywood shield and regret for not storing my weaponry together. 15 seconds is not much time.

If i don't grt any guns (dumb btw) then I'm grabbing my backpacking bag, which is still packed with
1 sleeping bag
1 water filter
2 bear spray
Most of a fifth of whiskey
2 lighters

That won't leave me much time, so I'll try and shovel as much of my spice rack in there as possible. If no one kills me it ought to fetch a pretty penny.

I have a Kabar knife and an empty Mauser 98 stock nearby. I could make a crappy spear and immediately die.

>>35100190
no
because if you become your own ancestor you create a loop in time i.e. there will always be one who goes back in time to become his own ancestor and so on
time travel is impossible

>>35092789

WE WUZ KAIZERS AN SHIEET

>>35092586
The answers pretty fucking obvious guys.

I'd grab
>A knife
>Whatever body armor I can get
>As many fragmentation grenades I can carry

Shouldn't take more than a few minutes to lay waste to nearly everyone in the arena.

Worst case scenario, I go out with a bang.

>>35092586
>pick up .303 PCP air rifle
>pick up hand pump
>pick up camo suit
>pick up lightweight tomahawk
>pick up ZT 0452CF
>thousands upon thousands of .30 pellets and slugs

I would win the whole fuckin war by my self just picking off commanding officers. *thoo*..... *THWACK*

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>mother of pain
>we will not return