Greentext thread? Just a general stories thread. Screencaps

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Obligatory Bap Rap

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>>35004433

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>>35004450
post moar goddammit

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I'm so glad I was around for this thread.

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What do yall want

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fuck wrong pic >>35006145

>>35006158
oh fuck i need to see that hasbro atf one again

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>>35006178
i got you

>>35006158

What is a Koko?

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>>35006204
A good long greentext

>>35006218

Thank you, Trebek.

>>35006228
Want anything else?

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anyone?

>>35006324
What's queen of /k/? Also if ya have it more MRE ones

>>35006324
Post them all if you don't care. I'll read all of them. These threads are my favorites and I could use some cheering up since my girlfriend left me and my uncle died.

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>>35006354
Coming right up

>>35006378
I fucking loved this one.

Isn't there a part two?

>>35006366
I got you anon. I'm sorry you've had shit going on recently, I know how you feel. Me and my girlfriend had broken up just a little while ago. Do you want to request anything while i post all of them

>>35006392
Nah, I'm down for whatever you're up to share. They all seem like good greentexts.

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>>35006378
>>35006388 three parts

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>>35006403

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>>35006398

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normies should not be allowed to own guns

>>35006447
That's a classic haha.

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>>35006457
Reeeeeee

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>>35006498
gotta stick with em right

>>35006512
For sure Anon.

is the other anon here who said i should post all of them?

More military stories please.

I have one from my time.

>basic infantry training
>out on first FTX
>dig down, make the best FOB of all platoons
>3 in the morning or so
>junior sergeant on nanny duty
>bored as all fuck
>find a huge rock
>goes up to private on guard
>"PRIVATE"
>y-yes sergeant
>"THIS IS A MAGIC ROCK"
>hands it to the private
>erh what serge-
>"GUARD IT WITH YOUR LIFE"
>o-okay sergeant
>rock gets dragged along with us on every FTX since then
>private in charge of it literally have 6lb of extra weight in his bag all the time due to it
>it's splayed out among all other gear when doing gear check after every FTX
>one time a captain comes by
>sees the rock
>proceeds to throw it away
>lieutenant literally does a "NOOOOOOOOO" and run after the captain to get it
>captain is visibly confused
>cue 30 minutes of explanation from sergeants and lieutenant as to the status of the rock

The private in charge of it got his sister to paint a bare breasted bombshell in unit colors on the rock. As far as I know, he still has it to this day.

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>>35006636

>>35006636

>friend is in the RAF
>on base in Central England
>transport flight comes in from Germany
>personnel are unloading when they discover a migrant hiding on board
>guy had somehow snuck onto a military base in Germany and then onto a flight without being noticed
>RAF police umm and arr about what to do with the guy
>procedure for base intruders is to escort them off base the same way they came in
>obviously that's not happening here since they can't fly him back to Germany on a Hercules
>in the end they decide to just dump him outside the main gate, call the border force and wipe their hands of the whole thing
>border takes a long time to get there
>by the time they arrive the migrant has disappeared into the English countryside ending up who knows where

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Do you guys want spooks too (OP)

>>35006772
dump

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@anaconda

>>35006827
The schooling schedule here in the west is really lax they only allow a maximum of 18 units for some reason

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>>35006431
BLOODY NORA!

Does anyone have the story of the helicopter pilot that fought in the Chechnya wars?

>>35006851
Yea OP here I do

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>>35006851

>>35006877
do you have any more? i love reading shit like this

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>>35006901

>>35006901
i have general fuckery like hilux and nellis

>>35006912
go stuff like this takes me back to my childhood

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>>35006918

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>>35006924

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Here ya are.

>>35006772
Not OP, but any spoop stories would be appreciated.

>>35006938
That's /ck/ though.

>>35006942
Am OP and have many spooky stories. Most of "skinwalkers"

>>35006938
>sweet sundae
>not nyquill chicken or nyquill chicken 2: Robitussin Souffle

>>35006943
Still funny tho, innit?...

>>35005509
jumalauta :-DDD

>>35006855
>>35006877
I don't think this is the one I'm thinking of. It's a Russian Pilot fighting in the Russian Army or Airforce. I think it was a second hand account by the guy posting the green text, and part of the story goes something like:
>Friendly Russian transport helicopter is shot down by Chechnya insurgents
>Russian helicopter pilot in his Hind defends the crash sight from Chechnya insurgents
>It describes having several MANPADs launched at him and dodging each one with flares
>It describes him unleashing the entirety of his helicopter's arsenal at every building in the city block and unleashing utter destruction
>The helicopter pilot, at one point, realizes at one point that everyone on the helicopter he was defending died in the crash
>The pilot thinks of the millions of dollars worth of ordinates he used to defend some dead bodies, but he doesn't care

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>>35006949
Ikr!

>>35006955

I know the one you mean. I'll try to find it.

>>35006959
YES, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT FOR YEARS!

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>>35006636
>be inna chair force security farces
>"deployed" to turkey
>sitting inna tower during mids shift
>shit's boring as hell, check phone for news
>oh shit a coup is happening in turkey
>turk in the tower as well, sleeps pretty much the entire night, only wakes up once during the shift to find out about the coup
>jerk off 2 times while he sleeps
>steal the turks beret
Pic related

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Context is "what should I get as a first gun" thread, some noguns was talking about bottlenecked pistol cartridges being "overpressured" and therefore armor piercing so I explained +P, +P+, overpressure valves, etc. This was the direct response to that post.

>>35006991
Also OP specifically stated he wanted a gun he could CC.

>>35006378
>>35006403
>>35006431
Man I wish I could identify guns like /k/ when i was young since maybe some of the weapons they shot at us wear rare or some shit like that

>>35007000
what kind of dumb bullshit are you--
>7000
s-stories, sempai

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>>35007000
Holly fucking shit. Holy fucking shit.

>>35006907
Why is there a mask of the father in the bottom right corner?

>>35007056
because the legend never dies....?

>>35006991

Now I've seen some dumb shit on /k/ before but that takes the fucking cake.

>>35007047
when youre living in a 3rd world country and your family is one of the two major political clans in the area you always get bullet sprayed every now and then
>be 9
>grandkid of the governor, nephew to the mayor
>"uncle" aka head bodyguard decides that im old enough to learn the ropes of politics
>tells me to accompany him and 8 other guys to another town in order to campaign aka "bribe the local population"
>town is rivals turf so we arm ourselves gave me a cheap one use gun
>we decide to go by sea since roads usually filled with traps and ambush sites near election time
>board a pump-boat and head out to the town
>15 to 20 mins later we suddenly take fire
>theres a machine guns nest on a cliff near a cove
>operator starts turning up speed while other guys start shooting with weapons ranging from an m16 to m1 grands
>2 of the guys go down and we throw the bodies in the sea
>finally out of range we land near the town
>uncle then meets with the local politicians and gives them the money to distribute to the locals
>uncle tells me not to worry about getting home since he called a favor from a friend
>ride home in one of those box shaped armored personnel carriers
>find out a few days later that the one that shot us werent from the rival clan but rather one of the local witch doctors
>grandpa orders his men to go to his house and confiscate his guns
>when they brought it back to the house its all ww2/korea guns
The gun he used shooting us looked like one of those old ww2 British machine gun I see in games with the gun magazine on top

>>35007154
a bren gun?

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>>35007154
>ww2/korea
>mag on top
>MG
Type 99?

>>35007157
it looked like a bren but the handle was reverse
>>35007166
yeah I think thats the one

>>35007154
"pump boat"
"witch doctor"

Philippines?

>>35007175
yup

>>35007176
region?

>>35007178
XII

>>35006378
I thought preA1 didnt have the beaver tail

>>35007183
from bohol lol

>>35007274
bohol diay ka bay? tga cotabato ko pero cebu ko nag highschool ug college

>>35007290
im filam, taga tagbilaran ko.

in the states now though.

>>35006930
And this is the point in the thread where I fell of out my chair laughing.

Does anyone have that greentext about an anon who ate bulgarian gunpowder in a bet with a friend for a single shot shotgun?

>>35006574
Yes

>>35005714
Yes. Thank you anon, been looking for this one for a while

>>35006158
would you mind emailing me all of these?

>>35007488
Me too.

>>35007511
...me... too...

>>35007512
Me too

>>35006158
ALL OF IT

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>>35004450
What the fuck kek

>>35007512
>>35007564
>>35007511

SENT ;)

>>35007056
thats because you
*draws zweihander*
NEED TO GIT GUD U FAGGET CAUSL

>>35007154
are you Barron Trump?
if so send my regards to the god emperor

>>35006991
niggawut?

>>35006574
I'm right here.

>>35006636
>basic training
>calling them sergeant
Better sprinkle some Drill on that name

>>35006751
And it's reasons like this why England is arab

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>>35004450
Where does one acquire a cow executioner job and will they let me dress like this? Dallas area

>>35006158
Does anyone have anon goes to Chernobyl?
Sounds fucking great

>>35004433
gonna need an explanation for this

>>35006959
I am still waiting for you comrade.

>>35007488
I just returned to the thread, post your email and ill send them

>>35012706
[email protected]

>>35012706
[email protected]

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>>35006378
>>35006403
>>35006431

>>35006199
I was there. It's missing some stuff

>>35012816
I was half expecting to see a MG42 in that screencap after part 1.

>>35012786
Thank god people are still here. I'm OP, I thought there was 3 people
>>35012799
I had the same reaction when I first saw it
>>35012816
Could you fill me in?

>>35004433
wow, man....
Props to your grandfather, always respect the veterans who never flinch in the face of adversity.
Sorry about the pistol, I know what it meant to leave it behind and the choice made there.

My grandfathers never had any chance with me, one passed a year and a day before I was born, the other too badly damaged by life to be anything meaningful for me.... both were great men from everyone tells me. They are remembered fondly, and I know I have great shoes to fill...

>>35004433
Anyone have the dick pic cards being everywhere?I've been looking for that.

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>>35013619
This one?

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OP here, should i dump?

Anyone have the one about the kid that performed HD with a martini-henry?

>>35006447
it sounds funny until you realize they could've killed someone

>>35014085
I'm particular to war stories, and email me those greentext stories.

>>35006636
>sister painted a naked woman on it
ooookaaaay

>>35014283
thats kind of a war thing ,not a strange southern thing.

>>35013419
I was there for this thread, good shit

>>35014085
YES.

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OP is back

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>>35015097
FINE, I'll post stuff too.

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>>35015097
BUT YOU BETTER POST THAT STORY OF THE RUSSIAN HELICOPTER PILOT IN THE CHECHNYA WARS.

>>35005290
This one always makes me laugh.

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>>35005509

>>35015422
Jesus fucking Christ. Bitches be crazy.

>>35014597
As was I, good shit indeed.

>>35015333
That dude's aunt sounded like she was a serious welfare queen...

>>35015569
Well, at least she's a dead bitch.

>>35015333
>not pressing charges for theft of a firearm
Literally the worst thing he could have done.

>>35015691
True. She could've just been wounded and doing crazy shit. We're lucky OP killed her.

my great uncle was in the army in WW2 and he had a couple stories, some of my details might be a bit off, but everything ive heard was from my father and grandmother, not him himself.

>Be Uncle Ozzy
>be 5' 5" and 140 lbs soaking wet with rocks in pockets
>enlist in army to fight the good fight in Europe.
>stormed Utah Beach during D-Day, was just doing what he had to do.
>once in Europe he was given a BAR to use against the Nazis they were pushing back into Germany.
>too heavy to hold at ready for long periods of time so he grabbed it by the barrel and dragged the gun behind him
>wasn't long until the stock was reduced to a stump from the misuse.
>whenever they were leaving camp for patrols he would grab extra ammunition and grenades instead of rations.
>"hey Oz, why aren't you bringing food along, might help you grow a little!"
>holds up grenade
>"you're not going to find one of these growing on trees out there, if I need food i'll kill a german and take his food."

another instance, was talking to a buddy that was a tail gunner in a Superfortress
>on bombing run
>everything going fine, clear skys
>bombers in formation, so with a glance left or right he could see the tail gunners of the planes next to him
>suddenly intercepted by German fighters
>timetogettowork.exe
>starts firing on the german fighters along with every other gunner on every other plane in formation.
>plane on his right gets strafed HARD
>starts rolling towards his plane
>pilot of crippled bomber must have punched the stick in hard
>bomber slips under buddy's aircraft and drops out of the sky
>as the bomber was falling away, buddy glances towards it
>sees tail gunner scratching at the glass in the back of the aircraft as it dove towards the ground

>>35006158
could you upload your collection?
>Crazy people innwoods
>Hasbro ATF

>>35015957
I like your uncle's philosophy.

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EMT stories are the best

>>35016184
Those crazy Bongs, at it again it seems.

>>35015957
Superfortress is a B-29, only used against Japan. Flyingfortress was a B-17 used against Germany,and Japs as was the Liberator the B-24

>>35016092
the guy was tough as nails, even to the day he died, long after the war

how he got his purple heart is another story I got too

>be somewhere in france
>on patrol with bud from platoon
>somehow get separated from the rest of the guys sweeping the forest they were in
>they come up to a large clearing, bud wants to walk across the clearing and Ozzy wants to keep to the treeline
>bud eventually talks Oz into just going across the clearing
this was the last time Uncle Ozzy took anyone's advice or let anyone talk him into doing something
>they get to about the halfway point in the clearing when a German machine gunner lights them up from in front of them.
>bud gets mowed down and Ozzy drops down to the ground
>somehow not hit
>crawls a couple feet to an 8 inch tall log in front of him for cover
>stays behind log for about 8 hours next to his dead buddy
>machine gunner continuously plinks up and down the log for the entire 8 hours seemingly just to screw with him
>Oz gets to a point where he knows he's going to have to make a run for it before the gunner gets bored and sends others to finish him off.
>his plan is to get up and make a run for it back to the tree line they came from.
>as he stands up the machine gunner blows a hole right in his gut
>Ozzy drops his gun, grabs his gut and books it back to the treeline
Until he died he never knew why the german let him live instead of just mowing his ass down as he retreated.
>got back to camp and was rushed in a car a couple hours to the nearest airfield for an extraction to a hospital.
>was put on a plane with other wounded soldiers and flown to who knows where
>ended up falling asleep/passing out on the plane ride.
>wakes up on his stomach feeling pressure on his back
>takes a look around and realizes hes on the ground and someone's laying on top of him
>he's in a dead pile
>someone was walking by so he reached out and grabbed the guy's foot
>"hey I'm not dead"
cont.

>>35016334
>turns out that foot belonged to the head surgeon wherever he was airlifted to.
>surgeon yelled for soldiers to drag him out of the pile and put him on a stretcher
>eventually got patched up and came home with a purple heart

>>35016280
thanks for the clarification, I'm not great with historic aircraft

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Does anyone know if this works?

has anyone heard from Koko the loco since the thread last year?

>>35016334
>"hey I'm not dead"
Did they not check for a pulse back then?

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>>35016334
>hey, i'm not dead
guy's face when

>>35016398
Someone fucked up, I don't know the details

>>35016382
Jesus Christ, what the fuck did Bugs do to Elmer!?

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Won't let this die, providing MRE and other assorted ancient stories to fill.

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>>35016566

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>>35016582

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>>35016586

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>>35016593

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>>35016604

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>>35016611
Will start the MRE stuffs after this.

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>>35016627

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>>35016630

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>>35016632

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>>35016639

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>>35016649

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>>35016653

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>>35016662
And that's more or less what I have. Hope there were laffs.

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>>35016665
Fuck it a few more.

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>>35016677

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>>35016689

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>>35016697

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>>35016715
Night /k/ don't let the juggs steal your ride now ya hear?

>>35012982
are you a dumbass? it's a screencap of a greentext. it's not OP's grandfather. it's not even a real story anyways. fucking newfags

>>35015422
i had something similar happen with a lil shit in daddys truck in a kmart parking lot, scary fucking shit

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>>35016611
double dubs checked
damn that greentext
Xtra spOOkie

>>35004433
>>>35004433
>gonna need an explanation for this

Anyone that lurks x care to elaborate?

anyone save the old retarded "im a dog"+"pocket spaghetti" gun store greentexts?

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>>35017073
I think this may be the sghetti one.

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>>35017099
>>35017073

I do have this one about a retarded Haji self immolating himself though.

>>35012706
[email protected]

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>>35004450
holy fucking kek I'm ded

>>35017040
Probably methheads or some other kind of homeless junkies roasting out in the desert. lack of water and high on whatever has probably fried all sense of reason from ya.

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>>35005509

Perkele! :DDD

Also here is a series of images of an exchange between the ATF and some guys lawyer who was writing on his behalf to ask it was legal to put a fleshlight in an armbrace on a pistol AR and 'shoulder it' by sticking your dick in the fleshlight.

>>35005509
god I wish I was actually finnish and didn't just have finnish heritage

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>>35017194

Second part of the letter, with barely visible photo due to repeated scanning/copying.

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>>35017194

And finally, the ATF response letter lol

>>35006199

>Your move Mr. Law man.

Holy fuck lol

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>>35004433

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>>35006121
this entire thread is gold but this just took the cake
I'm aching I laughed so much

>>35011307
>>35017040
Wendigo. Looks like humans, acts like humans, eats humans to do it. AZ there's tons of them lurking the dunes, come out at sundown. The disappear back into the sand when they're killed because they're born of the sand and earth. Vengeful Native American spirits.

>>35006378
>>35006403
>>35006431

Holy....living FUCK

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>>35006431

>>35017241
FFL/SOT here, dude committed a double felony for not destroying properly

ATF standard is 4 cuts with a 1/4" displacement via a torch, regular cut receivers dont cut it no mo

>>35006378
>>35006403
>>35006431
>Queen of k
Was this a female?

Also wasnt there a family dispute in all this, does anybody know how that worked out?

>>35017393
Why is the gun in question illegal?

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>>35015291
Full

>>35017393

I wasn't there for that thread, but I honestly hope he got ATF raided because of what he did to those rifles.

>>35017393

Also forgot to ask, did the ATF ever explain the rationale for torch cut vs saw cut? Seems like both destroy the receiver pretty entirely, or am I missing some key concept of metallurgy here?

have veterans from the troubles ever posted stories on here i dont really care what side the story comes from

>>35017194
> it is not my place to inquire, nor do i want to know
fucking lost it here

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>>35017206
well that's just fucking disappointing
>tfw ATF won't respond to your irl shitposting

>>35017135

>diesel
>burning in normal conditions
People could at least try and hide the BS better.

>>35017470
Saw cut is probably easier to weld back together.

>>35017575
Have you never poured diesel to start a fire? A fucking paraflare will light that shit.

>>35016392
Mostly /gq/ and /wfg/.

>>35012706
[email protected]

>>35012706
[email protected]

pls

>>35012832
Not that anon, but if I remember correctly, the nerf anon got a reply from ATF saying something along the lines that they don't regulate/investigate toys or some shit like that.

>>35016382
it does. we call it lamping over here, blast the cunt with bright light and he freezes in place.

moar scary ones

>>35012706
[email protected]
please and thankyou

>>35016822
dude u gotta green text boi

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I'll contribute to this shit show

>>35006431
FUCK