I know this isn't about weapons, but it at least slightly

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>Brings a bunch of MREs(Basically military rations)

you state that like we don't know what that MRE's are.

>>34730107
>One, The cinnamon gum in some MREs are laxetives.
>Two, MREs are alright
>Three. Never eat more than one in a single sitting
>Four, KEK

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This pasta is literally YEARS old.

Try better next time

>>34730107
Remember lad, always read the contents of the MRE and its expiration date. Also stop being a fat fuck will you?

let's get this out on to a toilet

nice

>>34730107
>Eat 3 bags
>Moral of the story, MREs really suck


I will take one over the crap fast foods push on a daily basis. I have eaten a few and I never had any trouble passing them. then again I never ate 3 in a row.

>>34730107
Have i got a story for you.
>be '82
>Out in field, on an OP
>testing new MRE's
>gather whole squad up
>"listen up fuck sticks, the Pentagon wants us to try these new ration packs out"
>we each take one and gobble that shit up
>"not bad, LT, i like how we dont have to heat them with fire"
>we continue our OP
>about 7 hours later
>we're in Guam, its about 112 degrees at night and, we're sneeking up on some fuck sticks in gorilla outfits
>"pfft, Lieutenant, i really gotta shit"
>"dude, we're almost to the camp, hold it"
>"no, i've really gotta go"
>"ok, we hold here, but just so you know, contact is 72m that way"
>"ill be quite, sir"
>laying in brush in 1000 degrees
>silence, just dead silence
>out of nowhere, here this God awful sound
>PFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT
>hear whispers off in the distance
>"shiiiit"
>the guy infront of us turns towards us
>"CONTACT REAR"
>SHIT
>PFFFFTTTTTTTTT
>PFFFTTTTT PFFT PFFT
>"SHIT, I CAN'T FUCKING SHIT"
>we get dead
>after action report was all of us sitting in the head, trying to poop to end the literal hell suffering in our bowels

If there were to be anything humorous to get me through the next 7 hours of my shift, it would be MRE shit stories. Plz share, I love it.

>>34730131
Mmm I really miss T-rat eggs with sausage.

>>34730236

>eat mre
>my poor asshole

every mre story ever

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>>34730172

ill tell you about when mres come out the other way
>in ranger school
>finish darby
>dogx
>also 2 MRES
>dudes are eating 12 hotdogs, 2 bags of chips, 2 sods, 2 candy bars, and 2 mres in an hour span
>while eating mres they run off to the woods to puke
>go back to eating
i myself am not a weak stomached bitch so i muscled it all down, but i had to walk hunched over for the next hour because my stomach hurt so bad.

also i pooped once every day during all the ftx's even on 2 mres a day so idk whats wrong with people who take weeks to conjure a shit

>>34730312
Not him, but basically every MRE story is a poop joke, and I never grew out of those.

>>34730107
rofl...

I remember reading some greentext about a guy who whipped up a "gourmet" meal for some 1st date and he used MRE's. The after-effects she experienced were just as hilarious.

>>34730139
Are you retarded? MRE gum is not a laxative

>>34731990

The US MRE does not include laxatives as such. However the gum's sweetener Xylitol is a mild laxative and the crackers are fiber rich which also helps digestion.

>>34730139
MRE gum being laxative is the biggest meme in the military.

>>34732042
get a load of chef mre

>>34730107
Wow. Some long story about pooping. Clever.

It's because you didn't drink enough water. I lived weeks off of them at a time on deployment. But you don't care, you just wanted to talk about poop because you're an idiot and you think poo poo is funny.

>>34732060

Just quoting Wikipedia. Some of us are still capable of looking things up.Sorry I did not provide you with the phone number to the appropriate authority in the department of defense.

>>34732042
>>34732058
Xylitol does not have laxative properties. It's a sugar alcohol, the body does not break it down like Glucose or Fructose. Unabsorbed Xylitol acts as a soluble dietary fiber and is partially converted by the gut to short chain fatty acids
Absorbed Xylitol (less than 15%) is converted to Glycogen or Glucose 6-Phosphate.
Basically Xylitol acts like 85% fiber 15% carbs.

Basically - it's not a Diuretic or a Laxative, but it's still insanely good for digestion. There is also the fact that MRE gum is enriched with Vitamins that further aid in digestion.
Eat the gum and grackers, the ranger bar and the beverage base and you'll poop normally - just at slower intervals

>>34730107
>roommate's prepper step-dad gives us several cases of MREs when he moves
>we divvy them up along with random shit like canned bacon (Yoder's makes it, it's god-tier).

Spend about 10 days eating nothing but MREs because I was broke at the time and didn't feel like subsisting on beans and rice.

Here's my horror story:

>eat 2 MREs a day for about 10 days
>finish nearly everything except for bags of skittles of M&Ms, usually save those for later
>drink plenty of water and even sometimes use the beverage base powders
>my daily shits grow a bit thicker, but nothing distressing
>have some gas here and there, especially with the beefaroni (good as fuck, though, still my favorite)
>end up finishing my share of MREs
>miss not having to worry about food even though I'm not broke anymore.

Just fucking drink water and don't have the intestinal fortitude of a fucking newborn, shit.

>>34730107
>MREs(Basically military rations)
Military. Ration. Edible.
You dumbo.

>>34730139
the MRE gum thing is straight lie that been around for years Drill Sergeant said it.I knew it was a lie their just chicklets

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>>34732105

>military. ration. edible.

It says what it stands for on the bag, you dumbass.

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>>34732105
You fucking doofus. If you don't know something, just stay silent.

>>34730213
Your body needs about a good 24h to process food from the moment being eaten to a turd.

>>34730107
Ration packs are designed to bung you up mate, thats why theres coffee and gum in there. A lad I was on exercise with didnt shit for 6 days, when he did it was so big he called it Theo and he now knew the pain his wife had been in giving birth. Thing was like a fucking coil of industrial electric cable

>>34730805
100% this.

>>34732220
You clearely have never eaten an MRE

>>34730139
I always figured it was the coffee that was the laxative..

>>34730107
Nice copypasta you fucking faggot
Sage

>>34730139
The gum being a laxative is bullshit. It has sugar alcohol or xylitol in it which can act like act laxative if you chew a lot of it.

>>34730107
Pics or it didn't happen.

>>34730172

Nice hiss

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>>34730107
MREs don't make you shit, they do the exact opposite the plug you up. That's why the military recommends that you never eat 3 MREs a day for meals, and incorporate some sort of field chow if possible or else your stomach will feel like brick.

>>34732105
Fucking get a load of this retard.

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>>34730107
>man who has bad diet eats food with fiber for the first time ever
>rips his asshole
whoa

>>34732087

>quoting wikipedia

opinion discarded

>>34730131
its for the people of reddit and imgur who will eventually see this green text who dont know

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>Ate two MREs today just to try them
>Maple Sausage
>The muffin top was absolutely amazing
>The sausage wasn't half bad either
>Don't wanna eat cheese first thing in the morning
>Crackers were just that, crackers
>Lunch time, vegetarian ratatouille
>Spice pound cake is fucking delicious, I can't get enough
>peanut butter was actually pretty good
>Ratatouille was phenomenal, would've been the tits with some meat
>Coffee instant, type III wasn't too bad either, you can definitely tell a difference between instant and actual coffee though.
>Gum can't decide whether it's cinnamon or mint
>Took healthy dumps after and was hungry again after a few hours

Not bad, it was pretty nice
I have 10 more and I just want to eat them all

>>34730107

I don't get how this could be even remotely unrelated to weapons.

By eating three you clearly weaponized that motherfucker.

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>>34730107
haha OP took a big poopie xD

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>>34732105
really now?

Anyone know about any MRE gatherings going on?