/k/ humor thread / ylyl thread https://www.youtube.com/watc

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>>34417278
>slingshot method is superior because under stress you won't be able to hit the slide release

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>>34417278
my wife and I are trying for our 2nd kid now.

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>>34417278

>>34417278
>powerful-seed.jpg
lul

>>34417830
You better be white

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Is it bad that i horde bong stories?

There's just something different about them...

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>>34418129

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>>34418129
>>34418134

>>34417278
The funniest part of this is that someone out there probably is taking it serious.

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>>34418149
>>34418134
>>34418129

>>34418158
i thought they were serious the first time i watched it

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>>34418159
>>34418149
>>34418134
>>34418129

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>>34417830
>gets a check for the well being of a child
>spends it on shoes
I think I just remembered why I resent and fear women.

>>34417307

what do you call the 'grab the top, rear of the slide and Yank the fuck out of it' method

>>34418201
Mgtow plz go

>>34418201
infantilized beta male

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>>34418032
>>34418032
>You better be white

i'm a half chinese half white bastardo :^)

>tfw quarter-white babies

Fresh OC

For a bit of preface, I work for the forest service and got hurt at work a few weeks ago (slid down the majority of a mountainside and tweaked my knee). Doctor at urgent care prescribed physical therapy, closest location for that is a nearby marine base that's 20 minutes away rather than the 3 hour drive to reno. The marine base has special use permits on forest service land, so as a service to us we're allowed to use their gym and some of the facilities for free. Workers comp paid for the therapy. On my off days I generally wear a T-shirt and some bdus I traded a can of dip for.

>Be on base at the gym finishing off my last day of physical therapy
>pretty much back to 100%, all things considered it could have been worse since I stopped sliding about 5 foot from a 40 foot cliff face into a dry creekbed.
>so more or less bullshitting back and forth between myself, two of the marines and the doc who's overseeing us all, couple other guys running treadmills, more or less a slow day at the gym.
>We're laughing and having a good time when a DI kicks in the door.
>doc mutters under his breath "aw fuck it's Bill."
>DI "Good morning gentlemen, which of you fine gentlemen were using locker c19 today."
>One of the treadmil runners belts out "Sir, that would be mine, sir!" doesn't break stride.
>DI: "Leitenant, would you care to explain what in the sweet mother of celestia this is?"
>Di holds up a keyfobber, from a distance it looks to be a MLP charm of some kind.
>The LT loses his pace and damn near falls off the treadmill, his buddy on the other one is trying to hold in his laughter.
>it's at this point I realize that I'm living a greentext story and snort in laughter and mutter "I always thought shit like this was made up."
>DI spins and gives me a death glare, "Is there something funny, boot?"
>Tilt my head in confusion, since I thought it was clear I wasn't military.

1/2

>>34418302
Powerstroke

>>34419082
>I realize that it must be the BDU pants... even though I have a bear and shoulder length hair.
>DI, at some point realizes I have a beard and long hair.
>his thought process doesn't ID me as non-mil, and instead jumps to "I must fix this".
>DI:"BOOT WHY THE HELL ARE YOU OUT OF REGULATION!"
>"Not a marine sir."
>DI:BUUUL-SHIT! Your pants are bloused properly, you must be a boot... We're gonna fix this right here. LIEUTENANT! Grab my kit from locker 5."
>Doc is trying to intervene and explain, DI is having none of it, Doc shrugs and gos and walks off to a phone as the LT returns with a shaving bag.
>Right as the DI is about to forcibly shave me DI's phone rings.
>DI: Hold that thought boot, and Do not think about running!... Good Afternoon Seargent.... no.. nothing importa-"
>phone basically explodes, myself, and three other marines can hear the first seargent shouting down the DI, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND! THAT'S A FOREST SERVICE EMPLOYEE! DO YOU WANT US TO LOSE THE GOD DAMN MORTAR RANGE?!"
>DI goes white as a sheet, and spends about 5 minutes apologizing profusely to both myself, Doc, and the seargent on the phone.

And that's how I almost got shang hai'd into the marine corps yesterday.

2/2

>>34419105
Beard... how the fuck did that slip through. I have a beard. I even reread it before posting.

>>34419105
>>34419082
This is fucking brilliant.

>>34419105
Noice

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>>34419082
>>34419105
Fuckin kek

>>34419082
>>34419105
I genuinely giggled m8

>>34418174

Brits making up stories about Americans to feel better about their increasing irrelevance is so cute.

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>>34419105
>>34419082
oh anon

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Anyone have the one about how to refinish a Mosin stock the original way?

>>34419111
Happens to me all the time. Ill skip a whole word altogether that I remember typing. Then I'll re-read it and go "It makes no sense now great. looks like I'll have to abandon this thread"

>>34418878
Begone sameTHOT.

>>34420206
to be fair, if I'd had a bear with me it'd been harder for him to accuse me of being a marine.

>>34417830
How did you knock up a hand, twice even?

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>>34419111
>>34420206
Best way to make sure you proofread correctly is to read it out loud to yourself. You might look crazy, but it'll work.

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>>34417830

>>34419402
marin detected.

Would you like some crayons and some glue?

>>34418423
>>34418878
he's right though, white knight beta cucks

>>34423247
Show us on the doll where the bad woman touched you.

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>>34417278

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>>34421515
Not gonna lie... seems more legit when accompanied by an image of the mystery hack himself.

>>34423572
This doll doesn't have a wallet. Probably because it too is a vile fucking leech of a woman. I AM ONTO YOUR TRICKS, HANDSEWN VAGINAL JEW.

>>34417307

>not considering gross motor skills as more effective when shaking and pissing yourself.

>>34417830
>mfw tired old jokes about women are reality now
What a time to be alive.

>>34423718
The red one is a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

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Remember that time when Homeland Security protected the White House with M3 Stuarts?

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>>34423751
>Madam President
Comic books are so silly.

>>34423733
I've taken it on a few things but not all. I refuse to believe EVERY woman is like this. Most of the ones I associate with are alright, but then again, that's why I associate with them, and women are always my worst customers. I've also come to realize that, for the good of not only western society but also middle eastern, kebab must be removed from Europe. They have to develop out of this theocratic bullshit on their own, and it's going to take a LONG time. Middle eastern society is, collectively, in that "angsty teen" stage. Except that angsty teen has a lot of IEDs. They'll grow out of it but it's best if they don't hurt anyone else doing it.

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>>34423712
>gross motor skills

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>>34423956

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>>34423963

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>>34423986

>>34423956
>>34423963
>>34423986
>>34424004
fuck reading all this

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>>34424011

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>>34417830
god everything about facebook pisses me off

>>34418423
>Woman does something wrong
>guy calls her out on it
>ahha stupid mgtow go away
fuck off white knight

>>34424277
Kek. Wikihow is amazing

>>34419111
That did fuck me up a minute, thought I was being trolled.

>>34424004
I actually know the guy who asked this question. guy is fucking riot

>>34424438
I remember stumbling upon it while looking tactical fleshlights

>>34421802
Fucking japs

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>>34424368

>>34417836
You're a faggot. Kill yourself and make the world a better place

>super specialist medic
>finally get chosen to deploy
>get told 2 weeks before i fly
>so much shit to do
>fast forward to last 24 hours
>have to drop off truck, pack shit, and clear room
>friends wanna party my last night stateside
>ok i'm down for a b's party
>cob finally comes around
>drop off truck at storage
>buddy picks me up
>we grab tacos from local mexi place
>stop by class 6 and pick up a couple of cases
>commence operation last minute alcoholism
>drink for 6 hours straight
>buddies call it a night because they got work early
>continue to drink while packing and cleaning
>finally clear room at 0830
>nothing to do so i drink for the next hour
>polish off last of the beer
>head into work with all my gear
>idk how they can't tell i'm absolutely shitfaced
>go through all the ceremonies and bullshit
>finally get to the rdf
>haven't slept in like 24+hours
>trying to stay conscious while calling all of my family to say goodbye
>literally pass out while talking to my father
>wake up to some dude talking to everyone
>try to see who the fuck is interrupting my sleep
>still pretty drunk after all this time
>rub my eyes until the blur goes away
>it's the division commander
>i'm literally front row center passed the fuck out
>division commander was giving a speech for like 15 mins before i woke up
>people told me i was snoring like a mother fucker
>i never even heard anyone call attention when he walked in

>be basic training fag
>going through reception
>i know jackshit about the army
>just spent the last 2 hours getting uniforms
>gotta piss, when's the piss break
>few of us get opportunity to drain our veins
>get to the latrine
>two dudes in pt's at the urinals already
>head down to the other end with plenty elbow room
>another dude comes in wearing pt's
>heads over and starts to piss right next to me
>"dude, brocode. why you gotta be a douchebag?"
>ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS PRIVATE?!?!?!
>proceded to finish pissing at parade rest
never pissed as hard as i had when a 6'2" black drill sergeant literally screaming in my ear.

>super specialist medicfag in iraq
>this deployment is horseshit
>pulling rotations in the "aid station"
>literally an office room
>ansacs control the entire roll two except for us military personnel
>we have labeled door bells at front desk
>we play fuck fuck games with ansacs
>ansacs apparently turned off our doorbell
>myself, my ssg nco, and the cpt doctor just chillin with our tops off
>no fucks given today
>cpt decides to fuck with ansacs
>walking around with a bat
>general fuckery going on
>doc comes over to office
>interrupts our movie tiem
>"hey medic anon, there's some old fucker up front"
>"he's just standing there looking like a dipshit"
>"go ask that dipshit what he wants"
>yessir.jpeg
>throw on top and grab a clip board
>cpt goes back to general fuckery
>points his bat down the hallway
>"we'll be right with you"
>see the dude at front desk
>has his arms crossed
>walk up to him
>"how can i help you..."
>see his chest rank
>snap to attention
>"general?"
>dude just wants some meds for ankle pain
>i'll be right back with the doctor
>brisk walk back to office
>cpt still going on about fuckery
>"what does that dipshit want?"
>"it's a fucking one star, dude!"
>commence operation please don't article us
dude was an national guard brig gen. pretty chill as fuck guy though. we definitely took away the captain's bat privileges after that one though.

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>>34423646
Because Stan's our man.