What's the closest melee weapon to you if zombies suddenly

Cold steel gladiator machete

>>34226005
A bayonet. It's attached to my sks, I win.

>>34226005
A chair. After that I guess I could beat them to death with my red rider BB gun...

>>34226005
Fists that are well practiced after years of masturbation.

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>>34226028
Nice.

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>>34226005
Either my Telecaster, or one of these

A epiphone EB-3 bass, it'll definatly kill it if I land but I'm fucks-ville if I miss.

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>>34226028
Get Albion one.

>>34226005
Tomahawk and a buckler

>>34226005
expandable baton from work

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>>34226005
>if zombies suddenly burst in?

I also have a big green handle machete.

seating arrangements accommodate a dragon dildo, don't suppose that counts as a melee weapon but it might hit the right spot.

>>34226005
im not a twelve year old so its not something likely to come up.

>>34226053
>going lefty
its like there's a stranger in the bed

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>>34228579
>a dragon dildo, don't suppose that counts as a melee weapon
you're using it all wrong then

>>34228584
WOAH LOOK AT MR. REALISM OVER HERE, CHECK IT OUT GUYS GIVE HIM SOME SPACE

>>34226005
a Camillus 28 inch machete and a Cold Steel special forces shovel

>>34228579
Are you sitting on it?

>>34226005
>loaded ar15
Dope

Does a printer count?

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>>34226005
My Jericho.
>inb4 its not a melee weapon
Its all steel and weighs over a kg loaded, it most certainly is.

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i really hate this "you have to use a quiet melee weapon to kill zombies" meme

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>>34226005
my dick

>>34226005
Closest thing i could practically swing is a plastic foot stool.

>>34229188
Also zombies r gay

>>34226005
all within five feet of me
>extended range softball bat
>Ka Bar
>Electric guitar
>chanclas

The buttstock of my rifle.

>>34226005
My brain, more specifically the telekinetic powers my brain produces.

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boutta el kabong a man

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>>34226005
Crowbar fromo POWERFIX® Crowbar Set
Snider rifle with 1853 bayonet

12" glass bong. Probably good for a few swings

Mosin with bayonet attached

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>>34228458

>>34226005
>melee weapon
What am I, in the uk? Fuck that grab a gun

>>34226005
a tanto

yes i fell for the tanto meme

>>34226033
Mine's on my Garand. Fire me, scrub.

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this little buddy here.
good memories with it.

>>34226033
>>34230492
he's clearly not a scrub.
scrubs don't get dubs.

>>34230463
>shoot gun and waste ammunition on zombies
>attract zombies within 5 miles

>>34226005
Mosin nagant.

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>>34226005
>grab dingus dog
>swing him around by tail
>he'll attack the first thing he sees

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It's the closest to me now

>>34226005

Glock 19. Can bash and shoot.

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>>34226005

>>34226005
I club the zombie to death with my Cetme.

Police baton and HK USP Compact.

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>>34226067

Muh dik

Two Katana(s), one from 1939 and the other 1942. A bo and two eskrima sticks. Latly one custom made Bowie knife made of Damsacus steel.

>>34230562
>not attracting the horde
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

Reality

>>34230562
>slotting rotties
>a waste of ammo

>not carrying enough ammo to clear a small crowd for opening escape routes
>not having an exit plan when oper8in innaquarantine
>not being fit enough to lightly jog you and your shit two blocks away from shambling corpses with rigor mortis and arm's length attack range

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>>34226005
this mufugger

>>34226005

My AK.

If that doesn't count, cold steel grosse messer.

>>34226005
Litterly a loaded gun

>>34230777
Stop posting scat.

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>>34226005
A Gransfors Bruk small forest axe that is on a shelf right below my desk.

>>34230463
If zombies were real, the most likely way to kill them would be to chop their heads off.

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>>34226005
they are fucking doomed

shit tier pocket knife and solid tier glock

>>34231663
ive always wanted to get one but i really dont have a use for it.

>>34231784
>owns guns
>doesn't go /out/
chucklingthots.jpg

>>34226005
BEHOLD! The light stick!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv4pteN_Lio

A TERRIBLY made 10" kukri.

Fuck those guys in the knife general who recommended Kult of Athena. Ghurka Kukri House is ass.

>>34226005
I actually have a pushrod from a GE Evolution series locomotive engine propped against my nightstand. Not intended to be a melee weapon but it would work, about 3 ft long, 1 inch diameter hollow tube with hardened steel ends. It could fuck some shit up.

>>34228730
it'd be hitting the right spot then wouldn't it?

>>34226005
the ak I have has a solid wood stock with a metal buttplate, so it should be sufficient.

The collapsible baton on my belt

>>34226005
A pile of folding knives that I rotate through for ETC.
Also, in order of proximity:
>Walter P38
>Mosin w/bayonet
>Swedish Maurer w/bayonet
>No.4 Enfield w/pigsticker
>katana I got for like
>misc other bayonets
>throwing axe
>hardcover, unabridged copy of Les Miserables
>trombone rigged up with a propane flamethrower
>fuckhueg reflector telescope that I could probably cave someone's skull in with

This is all within arm's reach of my bed. I'm not even kidding, the autism is strong.

>>34232660
>made purposely not to kill

>>34232685

You're an idiot if you don't think I can kill someone with a 3 foot long solid steel rod.

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Right now it's just a melee weapon. I'm doing repairs.

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>>34232850
I suck.

>>34232006
Who makes good kukris?