This guy slaps your sister's arse and calls you a filthy

>mail under plate
is there any actual evidence of this?

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APFSD. Kinda.

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>>33469362
NOBLEMEN GET OUT

>>33469362
Knife in the eyes is your best bet, everything else is unstoppable

>>33469471
Or the palms of their hands

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Noblemen go away reeeeeeeeee

>>33469362
A hammer. A four pound cross peen hammer head on a solid handle around 2ft long.

>smash knees
>smash elbows
>repeated overhead strikes to the neck/head of downed combatant

Ewok Log trap.
Or just Ewoks with bones and sticks.
As long as he's not in gold armor he's doomed.

>>33469362
Kick him in the chest and don't help him back up.
Place heavy rock on his chest.

>>33469362
>follow him home
>stab him in his sleep
That'll teach him to slap my wife's ass.

>>33469362
>'t-thank you, sir knight, it's an honour, I-I bid thee a pleasant day'
>then take my sister back to the cottage and take all my rage and humiliation out on her

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>>33469362
It looks like you could probably step on his toe really hard.

>>33469690
>wife

>>33469362
What era
What is my status in the world?
Assuming 14th(?) century me is as /k/ as I am, and assuming I was born from at least some sort of lord or knights house then I'd probably be a knight myself, so I'd probably kick him in the balls so I can gain some gravitas in court
If I was a peasant maybe a nice knight of my lords would help her bitch ass
Or maybe I'm cityscum nobody who can do nothing but maybe stab him up sometime he's not in armor and probably get hanged for it

>>33469757
>Age of knights and shit
>sister
>wife
>not same thing
What are you, a nobleman? Faggot.

>>33469771
>Age of knights and shit

>>33469771
Only blue-blooded castle-dwelling noble faggots practice incest. Us stinky village peasants actually have clean lineage

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>>33469777
why does everyone replying to me have gits? I don't think I've had a git in DAYS.

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>>33469390
Not sure, but I guess it would make sense at the joints where the plate would be unable to provide complete coverage.

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>>33469362
Crying shame I like to play...

Moist and dirty.

This, I guess
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8wj-v1Jdyc

>>33469390
Is this a joke?

>>33469787
Check'em, nerd

>>33469783
>he doesn't live in a rural tenant farming community in which ever person of his generation is either a cousin, sibling or of noble birth for thirty miles he can't travel because he is bound to the land he works.

GUYS, I SPOTTED THE MERCHANT!
>>33469844
Kek.

>>33469844
lets see if I can turn my streak of digital misfortune around... CHECK THESE QUADS!!!!

>>33469988
>Two sets of repeating digits

Not bad, apprentice

>>33470039
today is just not the day of the gits for me. Oh well. At least I found the merchant hiding in the thread.

>>33469633
Underrated dubs

Is it possible to have sex while still wearing most of your armour?

>>33470039
>>33469988
three sets of dubs silly buns

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>>33469362
Well, if medieval me is anywhere as swole as 2017 me, I'd fashion a maul and use that.

A helmet won't stop a heavy blunt weapon from crushing a skull or At least breaking the knights neck.

>>33469362
Rondel to his taint

>>33469362
>This guy slaps your sister's arse and calls you a filthy peasant.

Shove him in the water next time he crosses a bridge. Game over, inbred elitist fag.

that looks heavy as fuck. I'd just push him till he trips and fart in his faceplate. I guess I am a dirty peasant. huehue

>>33471223
knights aren't as slow as you think
you would get wrecked trying to fight with that thing

Knock him over with my helbard and drag him into the nearest lake.

>>33469390
Yes. Lots.

>>33469471
>>33469490
I suppose they will just stand motionless and offer no resistance

>>33471338
id imagine a unarmed armored knight would probably lose to a meat monkey with a big ol hammer unless the meat monkey was stupid. that limited vision is practically begging for someone to ring your bell so hard from behind that the fight would be over before it began

>>33469362
show him the can opener on my victorinox

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>>33469729
>fucking crumbs everywhere
>kek

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get a bunch of my scummy peasant m8s to push him over and pole axe him in the armpit while shouting "fuck off we're full"

Villeins 1 Normans 0

"England has become the residence of foreigners and the property of strangers. No Englishman today is an earl or bishop or abbot, the newcomers gnawed the wealth and guts of England nor is there any hope of ending this misery"

Normans Out

Peasant Uprising noew

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>>33469362
That suit? He's unarmed and can't see shit.

Rondel to the eye slit or armpit.

Hip throw his ass and put an armbar on him. Laugh as his armor is totally useless.

>>33472032
>you hear a womanish yelp as you hit the hip toss old style
>gasp! this isn't a knight, it's a woman pretending to be a knight!
What now

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>>33469362

>>33471536
then you'd imagine wrong.

vision in armour is generally not particularly badly impaired. Peripheral vision is pretty respectable, the biggest issue is hearing is badly muffled.

Mobility in plate harness is generally no-where even close to what people imagine - speed of motion is not impaired significantly, and flexibility of motion is not impaired at all. endurance on foot *is* impaired - particularly in full plate. (partial plate not covering the lower legs significantly reduces the impact on endurance, for minimal loss of protection), but unless you're intending to outrun him by a mile, its not likely going to make a difference in the short, brief action of a combat.

Contrary to popular myth, the medieval knight was not stupid. they knew fine well that to be immobile was a death sentence - and they trained in that stuff from childhood - armoured, and unarmoured, to ensure mobility and familiarity. It would probably be a rather terminal mistake to underestimate their ability.

>>33471243
Water is cold

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>>33471223
PROTIP: Medieval knights were strong as fuck compared to modern people.
Hell the average medieval peasant would probably wreck most gymrats.

Archers were fucking monsters, for the record. They're easy for archaeologists to identify because their shoulders were sp overdeveloped that their skeletons were deformed.

>>33469362
>MFW

>>33469362
I slap his ass

>>33469362
I take my filthy peasant ass and go poison his horse that's worth more than everything I'll ever own combined, then go impregnate his duchess.

>>33469362
SUPER MAGNETS WITH 100 POUNDS OF PULL!

>>33469362
being that my character is a knight he challenges the man to a duel, and when I win I demand he apologize.

>>33469362
Pretty much. If he's unarmed, strikes won't work, use grapples instead.
If he's armed...you're fucked.

>>33471536
Assuming this is a 14th/15th century knight with a longsword...it doesn't matter if the knight is armored or unarmored. He would actually have an easier time defeating you without armor if you used a heavy ass maul. You would most likely just get your hands chopped off before you even had a chance to raise your maul followed by a cut to the face or body and then you're dead.

>>33469362
blunt weapons

get a few of your peasant pals to help you throw large rocks at him until he collapses, then stab him to death

>where am I
>wait who are you
>you aren't my wife, I don't have a wife
>whoa there Sir Rape, watch the hands
>hey fuck you buddy, I'm not the nerd encased in an Easy-Bake
>hey, back off
>I SAID back off
>[grabs Glock by the grip] Back the fuck off!?!?
>I HAVE A RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF
>FUCKING REEEEEEE- [sustained gunfire]
And that's how anon gets banned from the local RenFest.

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>>33469362
apply to helm with firm force

>>33469689
This fucking meme. Knights in plate were actually less encumbered than you've been taught.

>>33472328
I thought you were making an obvious statement then I read the post you replied to.

>>33472434
I find that incredibly unlikely, considering the lack of dietary information as well as most peasants died so early from shit health. Modern gymbro is probably significantly stronger than peasants, and on par with knights. Although the lack of training would favor the knights

>>33469390
awwww look its retarded.

>>33469390
Yes, in areas where the plate can't be put (because it constricts movement) they put chain mail. Armpits.

>>33469802
mud people get out.

>>33469362
Congratulate him on finding magic capable of slapping something that doesn't exist.

>>33469362
>This guy
Who I will assume is as nonexistent as that butchered frankenharness

>slaps your sister's arse
I lack a sister

>calls you a filthy peasant
My harness is better than his

>and you haven't invented gunpowder yet.
The rough majority of the cobbled pieces are 14thC, and gonnes would have been around for a while. Also: Crossbows.

>What can you do to deal with a fully plated knight?
In reality? Not much, but I would hopefully be enough of a pain in his ass to hurt him. A real knight is a man who's been doing nothing but fighting and training since he was a kid. I am a hobbyist with some practice. I would fair better than many in this thread, but if an actual medieval man of arms wanted me dead, it would probably happen.

>>33469390
...Tons. Literally thousands of extant written record, material culture and artistic record.

>>33469471
>>33469490
>>33471231
>>33471223
You'd have to get close enough first.

>>33469563
Wrong.

>>33469689
>>33471265
Wrong, and misinformed.

>>33469690
This guy gets it.

>>33471137
Depending on your harness, yes.

From experience, its unpleasant.

>>33471243
No biggy. Its not that bad to swim in.

>>33471526
People dont think.

>>33471536
>>33471895
>>33472032
He can see fine, and he's been training in pugilism and wrestling since he was a child.

>>33473314
Nigger do you have any idea how much strength it takes to do the kind of manual labor peasants did, sunrise to sunset, day in, day out? Shit, your average roofer is pound-for-pound stronger than gym rats that aren't focused solely on strength gains (ie most vanity-muscle gym bros).
Their diet meant they were shorter than us, for sure, and overall poorer health meant they died sooner.
However that doesn't mean that kind of life doesn't leave a person strong as fuck.
And knights being short is a meme.

>>33473485
Also even short peasants is a meme.
Average English Medieval peasant circa 13th-14th century was 5'8", which you'll recognize as 1" shorter than the current western European average.
And mortality rates are dragged down by most babies not surviving childbirth, and also a shitload of teen mothers not surviving childbirth.
If a male lived past age 5 he would probably live into his 50s and for sure would have combat experience as well.

>>33469440
Fucking Rhodoks

>>33472127
>rape

>>33469362
I get five other guys to hold him down while he sleeps so I can stab him to in the heart and liver. Alternatively, rush him with ten guys if he's a lone and kill him with long knives through the gaps. Even further alternative is to get my cousin to invite him to stay at the village in and feed him poison. Still further alternative is to get him to say something heretical in front of his Prince-Bishop liege, see him lose privileges and esteem, which seems a lot less violent. Yet further alternative is to meekly cower before the 6'6 knight and scurry back to the farm.

>>33471526
>>33473411
>t. naysayers that offer only sayings of nay

>>33473314

well medieval serfs didn't have sick zyzz-like gains because they ate a mostly grain based diet that just barely covered their kcals expended but they performed hard manual labour their entire lives

also gymrats can't fight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL3VzjcptBI

>>33473411
Finally, someone recognizes the frankenharness.

>>33473606
What's that you Swadian pig dog?

>>33469362
throw fucking acid in his face through the eye slits

throw oil at him and set him on fire

get a bunch of cattles, herd them to his general direction and light the cattle's tail on fire

get my sister to disrobe and spread her loins, gut him when he takes his armour off to pork her

>>33469362
>What can you do to deal with a fully plated knight?
I spread lego blocks all around him

>>33469362
Say nice try as I do not have a sister

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>>33469362
Would a fully fledge knight be able to beat a demon?

>and you haven't invented gunpowder yet.

If that's what he's wearing then it's the 20th century at the earliest. Guns it is.

Set him on fire

that might be overreacting though

i suppose i would put on my armour and slap HIS sister's arse, then his arse, then go from there

Is this modern era just without guns (aka European Caliphate)?
I'd stab through the aluminum foil he calls armor and break that butted chainmail since he's just low-budget LARPing basement dweller.

If it is instead medieval age, then fuck I'm not taking my chances against real armor and chainmail, let alone someone that trained since he was a kiddo.


>>33469440
You're going to get raped.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqGZl5MVFPg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76mbOMFjlu0

>>33469362
Luckily i'm a black smith and have a wide variety of hammers to bash him with.

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>>33475072
ITT: triggered stinky mountain ""men""

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>>33472434

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Considering it's never mentioned what year it is I'll assume it's the (((current year))). If we haven't developed gunpowder I'm sure our efforts were focused somewhere else, and so I'll use my laser rifle that we must have invented instead.

>>33476777
That breastplate needs to be fixed in place for it to be a proper penetration test.

>>33473411
> from experience its unpleasant

Oh come on now you HAVE to tell us

>>33469362
Shove him over and make him taster my shoe
Also call him a faggot for trying being "Muh dayoos voolt XD" and not being a real catholic

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>>33469787
Mfw no one ever checks my gets when i get one

>>33469362
>and you haven't invented gunpowder yet.
Nobody said I haven't invented napalm yet.

I hope you like your knight well-done. *tips fedora*

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>>33473411
Tell us about you having sex in armor NOW

Fashion a canon and use gasoline as propellant.

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>>33469362
Let him fuck my sister, then sit back and watch as the syphilis slowly rots both his cock and brain

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>>33478278
>Syphilis
>Before conquest of the New World
Look at this retard.

>>33471223
>retarded faggot who tied a rock to stick, equipped with a set of linen pants and a shirt
versus
>nobleman who has literally trained since childhood in the art of martial combat, equipped with the pinnacle of armoured plates, mail, and weaponry of that period

when will the meme of "knights were slow" end. they were bulldozers covered in industrial blenders. a single knight could destroy an entire village, because nobody could stop him. rocks? bounce off. farming equipment? couldnt penetrate his armour. the only modicum of defence was found in the billhook, and even then you needed like 20 dudes to slowly pin him down before somebody would attempt to stab him in joints, otherwise he would rip the tools out of the emaciated peasant's hands and then kill him

not only did they train since the age of 6 to wear the heavy armour, and the art of war, they were much more nutritionally sound than your average farmer. they worked out all the time, because they were the cream of the crop. either they were noblemen, or were sponsored by noblemen. you know how somebody who has been working as a bartender for 20 years is really good at bartending? imagine a guy who was a fucking soldier for 20 years in grueling hell on earth conditions for 20 years, and put him in the ring against a guy who is on a fast and who hasnt slept in two days.

there is no competition you fucking idiot, you would be killed just like butter melts in the oven

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That is some good looking red corazina desu.

Like my people I would bring a quarter staff maybe with some metal ends.

>>33478545
>a single knight could defeat a village

yeah stop talking bullshit. all 50 men of the village, half grab bows and rocks and the other half grab shields and billhooks and axes and they could quite easily defeat a knight.

>people LARPing that they could beat a knight in hand to hand combat

you realize that your average knight has ~TWO DECADES of constant daily training in:

>grappling
>unarmed combat
>wrestling
>horseback riding
>endurance and strength
>archery
>use of shield
>one handed weaponry (mace/sword)
>two handed weaponry (spear/halfhanding)
>parliamentary procedure/court diplomacy
>leadership
>field maintenance
>hunting
>mobility whilst encumbered in armour

these men trained, sweat, ate, rode, and fought in full mail or plate since they were born. it was a second skin to them. the implication that you could walk up and bonk them on the head with a hammer is flat out retarded. they are used to men with pikes charging at them, and trading blows with other knights. why would you think that a common serf would be able to even touch them?

serfs knew one thing about knights: STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THEIR WAY. if you just walked up to a knight as a peasant, you were most likely going to get slashed open, because there was a good chance you were going to try to kill their horse, or fuck up their armour, or stab at their joints. some random faggot walking up to a knight? already dead, just doesnt know it yet.

>>33478610
>peasants
>able to afford bows with enough drawstrength to penetrate plate and mail, ignoring the fact that the knight could also have a shield
>able to afford shields and axes that arent roughly cobbled from shit wood/metal, that would stand up to the high quality training and weaponry the knight had
>risking their life to try and hook the mounted knight when they could just leave

ONE knight had a fairly decent chance of quelling a single village. a nobleman and a few of his men at arms? there was literally zero chance that you would beat them, you could have all the peasants in the world and it would just be a matter of time before they were speared.

you severely underestimate the power of a knight. a peasant who is exhausted and malnourished from constant backbreaking manual labour could not stand anywhere close to a man who was well rested, fed, conditioned, and out to kill.

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>>33469362
Use a period weapon that is made to deal with that type of armor, duh.

There is a a lot of anti armor weapons from the 14th century btw. Their down sides was that they were a touch harder to use, heavier to carry, and more costly that ye old arming sword.

>>33478670
>random peasant who has never done any farm labour in his life
>strong enough to manipulate a poleaxe or halberd
>zero training in the art of using a complex and nuanced weapon that is generally poorly balanced when striking from a distance
>having the resolve to get in close without being gutted

knights could also use spears. why would you risk injury from a peasant with a poleaxe when you could just jab at him from 2 metres away until he collapses from bloodloss. if he breaks the pole of the spear it doesnt matter, just collect the spearhead afterwards and trim a small tree

>>33478635

>accuses others of LARPing
>then shits out a fantasy wankpost one step above *unsheaths katana*

lmaoing at ur life lad

>>33478702
>fantasy
knights were the medieval equivalent of an abrams
unless you have a shaped charge IED (gun) or another tank (knight), you cant really stop one.

they were specifically designed to obliterate everything in their path, which they did. a lone gunman isnt going to stop a tank, much less disable or destroy it.

*halfhands dick thru ur eyeball*
who is lmaoing at who now, kid. f*ucking pwnt

>>33469809
Wow, it's retarded!

In short, the first guy wouldn't have just lowered his fucking shield to his side to let himself get hit. And if his shield is hit, the sword keeps moving. Dead. RIP.

Try again peasant fag.

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>>33478665
>full armoued knights in the 15th century carrying shields

that was incredibly rare.

Even if it's just a shitty hunting bow it's better than nothing. and yes, bows were used for defending villages, and would have had high draw weights. and they didn't buy bows, they made them out of wood.

nope, a wooden shield is going to be able to stand up to the highest quality sword. and axes were fine, it's not like they're making them out of the shittiest iron possible, people would have been in blacksmithing families for hundreds of years.
WHY would they leave their village? they're not going to leave warm houses, beds, livestock, blankets, etc, to potentially go into a wilderness just because a knight is there.
>muh peasants were malnourished and exhausted and did constant labour


that's bullshit.

Peasants generally had good food to eat. sure, there might have been a few famines but your average peasant that's not in a war torn shithole would be well fed 99% of the time, eating bread and wild game and vegetables.


And no, peasants did not do constant labour. When working they would have many breaks throughout the day, and a peasant in the middle ages works LESS than the average US office workers does. There were plenty of festivals and days where peasants did fuck all, especially in the winter.
learn some history you faggot.

>>33478754
>knight rolls up to a village of ~20-50 people in spread pastureland
>goes from farm to farm killing animals/people
>implying the peasants would be able to react quickly enough to mount a large scale defence
>implying the peasantry had a stocked armoury of weapons and equipment to be used in case a nobleman was raiding them
>implying peasants knew anything past the absolute basics of hand to hand combat
>implying a man with over two decades of experience in slaughtering poorly equipped peasants would have even a modicum of trouble slaying poorly equipped peasants

muh peasant revolution
moot point regardless because nobody would risk the wealth of the armour and weapons on a lone venture, you would have at least a knight with a couple of men at arms to reinforce them, at which point the peasants would have no recourse other than to leave and hope the knights fuck off after a while.

>guys we should try to kill the knight that came through and killed a sheep
>nevermind that this is 100% political posturing
>nevermind that the lord who owns all our land wouldnt even bother to send somebody over to asses the damage
>nevermind that the knight running around doesnt care even slightly about what he is doing
>nevermind that if we even break an arm we will most likely die from infection
>nevermind that barring the knight starting a fire or a house catching alight from a cooking pot, there is no lasting damage from him fucking about
>nevermind that going into close combat with a knight is near-execution for somebody equipped with a wooden buckler and a hatchet
>nevermind that the knight could have brought a shield to raid a small village because he knows there would be missiles
>nevermind the knight could have a spear and kill us before we even get close enough to throw a rock that would do anything
>ignore all that, and lets stage a valiant last stand against this random knight that is wandering through, most likely looking for supplies
>#yolo
ded peasants, rip

>>33478687
Never said that it would give me a good chance, just a hell of a lot better of a chance.

Also you are over selling the heck out of a knight on the " fairly decent chance of quelling a single village". In the 13th century they ( the noble overlords) should send 2 or 4 knights pair in two man teams for a normal sized village. There is cases of one knight doing in a whole village here and there sure. But based on what light it was put in it was viewed as a very impressive feat from a in era point of view.

Side note there is one case of the same type of thing happening in Japan. He used a tetsubō to kill around 211 peasants over 2 1/2 hours counting walking to and from the village.

>>33478821
>tetsubō
>not tetsubou
ree

depends on how quickly the peasants can mobilize. if they werent properly equipped, it was merely a matter of time for the knight, as there wouldnt be any help coming for weeks, if ever. if he could make a fortified camp somewhere the peasants couldnt safely approach, he could camp for the night and resume the slaughter the next day, in theory

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>>33478802
so you said there was one knight in a village, now there is a knight and a couple men of arms? stop talking bullshit.

and you realise peasants did stock weapons, and trained in combat when there was free time, especially in winter? the average peasant would be a better fighter than most HEMAfags today are.

here's what happens

>lone knight goes into a village for whatever reason and stabs a peasant working in the field. he starts screaming.
>let's say 80 live in the village, 30 are away hunting or further in the fields or doing whatever, a few guys come over and see what is happening and see a knight stabbing their buddy.
>they run around telling everyone that a heavily armoured guy killed someone and to gather arms.
>the men of the village get their weapons, it's mostly shields and spears and axes and bows, and a few swords
>maybe three or four gambesons and one shirt of mail for the ealdorman, that's all though
>they gather around and see the knight chasing someone else through the village.
>bowmen start shooting, arrows mostly glance off or penetrate lightly through the armour
>men with shields start making a circle round the knight.
>knight attacks one, everyone rushes in and starts hitting the knight with clubs and axes and spears on the head.
>knight is dazed and battered, suddenly a guy stabs the knight in the eye, knight is dying or dead.
>peasants take the armour and all the good shit, put the body in the woods for the wolves to eat
>hold a funeral for the few people killed (10 at the most)
>villagers get slightly richer, 10 years later the story is remembered as a strange incident of the village

there you have it.

>>33478866
i claimed that a knight could pacify a village of 20-50 people. if you are trying to raze a village containing 80 fighting aged males, which would be a village of ~200 people, you would obviously need a knight and a small group of men-at-arms

also
>knight in your story is not mounted
>knight is a bumbling retard who is chasing people through the village whilst completely ignoring a garrison that is marching to meet him
>allows himself to be surrounded
>allows himself to be caught in the open and thus vulnerable to arrow fire
if you are going to make the knight retarded when why even try? just say that he attempts to kill somebody, and the peasant quickly disarms the knight and stabs him through the eyehole, killing him instantly

>>33478900
protip: people in soft leather shoes walking on the ground aren't that loud. the knight wouldn't hear them with a coif and helmet on.

>>33478956
>knight is incapable of turning head and looking whilst in the middle of hostile territory, knowing that there are enemies skulking about
i am done with you

>33473355
re

>>33469362
Smash him in the face with my blacksmiths hammer. Bury the body under the new outhouse.

>>33478754
> peasants worked less than office workers

PROTIP: There's a pretty huge difference between sitting on your ass for 8 hours then going home and sitting on your ass until you go to sleep and doing manual labor with hand tools sunrise to sunset, breaks or no breaks.

>>33469362
lead him into the mud. then strangle him with a piece of string

>>33476194

Why do you think there aren't any anymore? Why do you think magic, which every single culture upon the face of the earth regarded as real, no longer exists?

Because warriors of the various Abrahamic religions snuffed out and destroyed the demons and witches. It's not even a hypothetical, they already did.

>>33473411
>I am a hobbyist with some practice. I would fair better than many in this thread

>Travelles behindeth thee
>"tis nothying persyonylle, childe"

>>33479156
No, it's because they tried to research magic "properly". It's actually rather hilarious; the original purpose of the Scientific Method was to give a stable, standardized and repeatable basis to the research of magic and alchemy. What resulted was the realization that neither were real at all.

>>33478723

except that's retarded. Protip: A bunch of dutch peasants proved you wrong with literally spikes on sticks.

>>33479197

Of course, because when they got around to trying that, magic had already been eradicated from Europe.

That armor isn't correct. The guy who assembled it didn't know wtf he was doing and cobbled it together from pieces found in malta. The coat of plates is all wrong on the lames and the pauldrons are not pauldrons. I can't believe it's still at the met considering how widely known it is to be incorrect.

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>>33469362
Then I invent gunpowder so I can shoot his ass

>>33478900
If he is on a horse it is even easier for honorless peasants.
Shoot the horse in the gut with a bow.
It throws knight.
Swarm him while he is still stunned from being thrown.

>>33478964
>knight has xray vision that can see through huts and trees

>>33479251
>The guy who assembled it didn't know wtf he was doing

Bashford Dean knew exactly what he was doing, and was for a long time considered one of the most highly respected historians in the world, yet alone in the US.

His work has dated badly, and the methods used by him and his contemporaries are incredibly wrong by modern standards, modifying parts to fit, etc. but that was what everyone did then.

claiming he's a complete idiot only serves to make your statement sound idiotic. His work was of its time, just as Capwell, Richardson, LaRocca, or Breidling's work will probably be in 100 years from today.

>>33478900
my god. you must be a special type of autist.

>>33473615
Indeed women should not play as knights. Rape and impregnation.

>>33479168
Gropey is the real deal. He does battle of nations style steel fighting.

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>>33477811
Checked

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>>33469362
tackle him from behind and start slipping a knife into the gaps in his armor while screeching autistically

>>33480500
I've done that stuff too and it's not even close to how knights actually fought- though it does give you an appreciation for how agile you can actually be in full armor. It's cool, but unless you want HEMAfags screeching down your throat, you can't really compare ACL/HMB to how they really fought back then.

It's a fuckload of fun, though. I broke a few bones (of my own) and knocked a few people right the fuck out. Felt like I had the biggest dick on earth after each fight. I suggest every anon should give it a try at least once.

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>>33469844
>>33469988
>>33477811
>>33480711
>>33480500
>>33469777

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>>33477182
>>33477962
Just drunken event shenanigans. Even the best fit stuff is bulky and can pinch.

>>33480753
I do HEMA as well as ACL, among other things. All simulation systems have a weakness somewhere, and you need to cross practice to fill in the gaps.

Point is, I at least have some knowledge on armoured attackers. Most anons here don't.

Where did you figtht? Post your bucket.

>>33480929
>Where did you figtht? Post your bucket.

I was WWOOFing on a farm in England, and the owner's son is on a team and they use the farm as their practice area- so I got to train and practice and fight with them for like 4.5 months during weekends. All of my stuff was borrowed, sadly. I'd love to get into it more if I had more time at home, but I work a shit load so I can't really set aside the time required.

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>>33478900
>>33478964
This knight Mary Sue of yours isn't human.

>>33480944
>WWOOFing
Not familiar with the term.

>>33480976
World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms

Basically it's like workaway. You contact a farm, and you work on it in exchange for 3 hots and a cot. Sometimes it's basically slavery, other times it's the most fun you'll have in another country besides being deployed. I loved it. Banged european girls, got stoned as a boulder with hippie farmers, went clubbing and drinking with hippie farmers, and beat the shit out of people in knight armor. 10/10 would recommend

>>33476777
You know they make armor today that is the same functional quality as period pieces, aye?

>>33481001
Sounds like communist bullshit.

>>33481029
It kind of is, but it's a cheap way to travel for long periods of time. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

>>33471243
I'm sorry you're of such low blood, peasant.

>>33472434
A knight might beat my ass but a 135lb malnutritioned fag? No

>>33469362
douse him in oil and put a torch to him.

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>>33480929
That is a fine looking helm friend, is it an armet?Also, do you have a particular period and culture that you like to portray?

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>>33481091
Very late close sallet. I aim to portray a late 15thC Italian Condottiero in the Low Country.

>>33478723
Read a treatise for fuck's sake

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>>33481205
Dont bother trying to use logic on 4chan, anon.

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>>33478635
>>33478723
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5ksuFG8YaY
>send out regular infantry to face the enemy infantry
>doing well
>decide to pull back their infantry despite having the upper hand
>send in the Knights so they can have the glory of winning the battle
>the Knights get their assess kicked

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>>33481197
Ah, interesting. Once I get my shit, I'll portray a mid 13th century English Knight.

>>33481367
> I'll portray a mid 13th century English Knight.
Its brave of you to come out of the closet. I am sure your parents will still love you.

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>>33481367
>>33481400
Not wanting to go full landsknecht doppelsoldner


you are both poofters and shall die like dogs

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>>33469362
Help my sister get revenge by doing this and then just sitting on his head after I eat a bowl of Pento Beans.

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>>33481425
I have literally sodomized multiple partners of my own sex, and its not nearly one iota as gay as the overblown, popculture hard-on for landsknecht.

Push him over, which is still difficult, plate does not restrict movement much. Then use a rondel dagger to pierce the plate or go for the eyespots.

Alternatively use the beak of a crows beak or a Lucerne hammer as a hook to trip him.

Arbalests would also work well.

>>33481400
Excuse me?

>>33481847
He said crusaders are gay.

>>33481915
That's not even a Crusader though

>>33481847
I said 13thC is for queers.

>>33481256
me on the right

>>33469757
>joke

>>33481992
Why?

>>33482060
Because 15thC is bestC.

Also, I just like starting trouble.

>>33482073
Aw, I see. I didn't know if there was something particular about the 13th century people don't like in the medieval community. I'm also considering the 14th century, but will probably go for 13th, High Middle Ages are my favorite era

>>33482120
I will say that 11th-13thC does attract the worst, stereotypical /pol/tier altright types. Its like WWII German or USCW Confederate : Its cool history, but attracts the assholes.

>>33482220
Well, what do you know, I am from /pol/. Probably because of Crusaders and Teutonic Knights. I'm attracted to it for the history, culture, and as it is the height of Feudalism.

>>33482269
Good for you. Don't be an edgy faggot and make the rest of us look bad.

>>33482362
Don't worry, I'm pretty historically focused.

I want to get a full on Slav harness but I'm not Slavical enough for the Slav club

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don't mind me just posting the finest unit of heavy cavalry ever to trot the earth

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>>33482405
>I'm not Slavical enough for the Slav club
Not with that attitude.

>>33482420
Nice meme. Bad history.

>>33481256
Is there a reason why medieval drawings always look like they were drawn by an 8 year old?

>>33482442
>nice meme
explain

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>>33482451
Not all of them, but in that case, its because the author of the book was a fighter, not an artist. Think of the shitty art of Wikihow.

As for the development of perspective, image geometry etc, its all about the transmission of information. With the collapse of the Roman empire, roads and travel stagnated, the transmission of ideas and information fell to the wayside outside the church. Later into the period, we see that with growth of the middle class, influx of money etc, the interest in the secular fine arts exploded: The Renascence.

Pic is an artist from the same period as the image we are discussing.

>>33482463
The mythology of the (very short lived) Winged Hussars of Poland is an overglorified nationalistic meme. They were actually pretty average, and their real claim to fame is trying to use armoured cavalry men in the age of mass musket lines. Spoiler: It doesn't work very well.

They are like "muh highlanders" to the Scots or "Muh minutemen" to the Americans. In reality, not effective at all, but a unique, nationally identifiable image to project.

>>33482619
>We get the Renaissance

Holly crap, typos.

>>33475436
>and then pork her yourself
You forgot that part

>>33482619
>>33473411

>No biggy. Its not that bad to swim in.

You have swam in full plate armor? I find it hard to believe that, what, 50 pounds of metal that constricts your movement and makes you less dynamic in water would be easy.

20th century soldiers wearing boots and a pack carrying around the same weight have drowned with less.

>>33483131
Not Olympic styling swimming, but yes, I can and have gotten across lakes and creeks in my harness without too much trouble. I won't go out of my way to do it and its tiring, but you're not instantly going to sink.

>20th century soldiers wearing boots and a pack carrying around the same weight have drowned with less.

And 90% of their kit is textiles dude, easily absorbing three times as much water weight. Metal doesn't absorb water, and my arming clothes are negligible. .

>>33469362
I would run as fast as i fucking could and then give him a nice flying kick in the middle of the chest with ALL the force i could gather, then i would spit on him and kick his head bucket

>>33483131
50 pounds is less than a suit of shark chainmail, and that doesn't even get you neutrally buoyant.

>>33483330
>And 90% of their kit is textiles dude, easily absorbing three times as much water weight. Metal doesn't absorb water
+1

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>>33483330

>And 90% of their kit is textiles dude

That makes a lot of sense. Touche.

>>33476194
Remember Beowulf?
Not a knight, but still a valuable historical record.

>>33480811
czek'd

>>33469362
>Have my peasant farm donkey do a 180
>Donkey does a donkey kick right into nobleman's chest
>He dies
>Ride away on said donkey with the only witnesses being other peasants

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>>33481061
>135lbs
Pic related
There's very little actual archaeology to support "muh meek, scrawny peasants" meme. There are several posts ITT touching on it.
Combine that with the fact that most peasant man over the age of 20 would have combat experience, in a time when 20 was right about the median age.
Knights would btfo peasants but peasants were on average much stronger, more accustomed to violence, and more experienced in melee combat than your average person today.
Almost everybody alive back then would be a shockingly hard motherfucker by even modern 3rd-world standards.

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>>33477077
Mah nigga

>tfw noblemen respect the God-ordained social order as much as we do and understand that we're essential to their power-base and ability to not starve, so they mostly don't step out of line and neither do we since they're also duty-bound to protect us.
>tfw when they do get really shitty there's actually quite a bit more social recourse for us than modern pop-history retards realize
>tfw medieval peasants arguable had more say in their day-to-day reality than modern proles do

>>33484207
Many peasants also had fairly good work/life ratio

What's all this talk of peasants and poor diet? Granted, they didn't eat nearly as much meat as us, but plenty of poultry and dairy, and in some aspects their diets were better than hours: their main sources of sugars were seasonal fruits, thanks to that (and, surprisingly, dental hygiene in the form of brushing with herbs, cloth or whool, as well as a lack of cheap, tooth-rotting sugars) had better teeth and less cavities than us. Granted, most in western Europe couldn't hunt and didn't have the luxury of frequent red meat (though eating red meat as often as modern people do is not all that healthy). But between lentils, oats, fruits, eggs and cheese, they were certainly not malnourished- except for times of famine, or maybe exceptionally cruel task-masters.
Also, pastoralism is seasonal and requires less hourly work than a modern 5-9.
Not all peasants were poor, either, some were rather wealthy, and certainly rich peasants might be wealthier than the poorest knights.

>>33469362
Grab his helmet by the sides and turn it around so he can't see anything
then trip him up and throw rocks at him while laughing.

>>33485111
>what is a chinstrap

>>33477046
What happened to Jeremus ?

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>>33469362
>Take warhammer
>clock him in the side of the head
>trauma from blow knocks him out/cripples him
>administer more blows to head

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War hammer to the head repeatedly.

I'm pretty sure that will get the point across.

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>>33469799
AVE MARIA

DEUS VULT

>>33479251
He knew full well what he was doing. He wanted a display piece and didn't have a full suit. So he cobbled one together.

>>33477046
No even, I just knew you were a horsefucker.

>>33469362

>And you haven't invented gunpowder yet

Shoot him.

It's 2017 and I still haven't invented gunpowder. Some chinese fuckers did. I can still benefit from their discovery, without having been the one that 'invented' it.

>>33471338
My plan would be to hit him out of nowhere

I know it's not the best plan but im just being realistic about what I could try.

>>33472434
I believe that training in plate armor would make somebody strong, but there's zero chance a knight could deadlift 6pl8

>>33484074
>>33484207
>tfw will never live the simple life of a peasent under an at least competant lord
>tfw will never march over to the next kingdom, have a fun war and come back in time for harvest
>tfw no peasent wife with bountiful tracts

It would be heart breaking a lot of times but damn it, it would be something.

Also I think it depends where and when you are.

>>33469362
Hit him in the helmet with a brick, rock wins again.

>>33485903
>chinstrap drags knight's head along with helmet
>breaks his neck
>crumples lifelessly to the ground
>BUT THE EARL OF THIS SHIRE WILL BE OBSERVING OUR FARM IN AN HOURS TIME!
>Prop the knight up on your shoulder and act as if you are jesting with him
>continue the charade until the Earl continues on

WEEKEND AT SIR BERNARDUS' REALM

>>33486060
Unless the duel is one of p8s he knows what parts will make others pop out in ways only a man who was training his whole life to do that would know how.

>>33486076
Have you ever fought someone or been on a wrestling team? They arent going to let you wretch thier head about, they're going to move towards that and then grapple you down.

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>>33473606
>>33475072

>They both use Crossbows.

>>33469362
What I don't get is why they didn't just use big ass magnets against knights.

>>33486276
>Magnets
>16th Century

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Ain't metal a conductor?

>>33485966
Is that some sort of shark armor?

>>33483330
>And 90% of their kit is textiles dude, easily absorbing three times as much water weight. Metal doesn't absorb water, and my arming clothes are negligible. .
As someone who failed his life-saving level swim certificate...

Yeah, swimming in textiles fucking sucks. The hardest single part in my course was the 'jump in fully clothed' part. Two people in my class actually required rescue during that, I was 'ok' but I definitely was under longer than I wanted to be.

>>33469362
Just walk around him and kick him down since I AM SURE that suit right there is the 20th century imitation of a 14th century suit which got it's shit all wrong.
>some dude that loved armor from the past tried to recreate how a 14th century suit LOOKS like but accidently made the wearer unable to move his hips or move his legs to the maximum. That suit was used later as the basis for suits in movies etc which caused the meme that knights cant move at all.

>>33486337
if you mean an excellent faraday cage, yes.

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>>33486076

>>33469362
Well, there isn't much that I can do, probably wait until he is distracted (and alone) and smack his head with a pikeaxe or a sledgehammer.
Have to be quick or im pretty much dead

>>33472434
I don't think so, it wasn't until nordics start mixing with french and british that they become stronger (Remember that vikings were healthier because of a long farming season that keep them well feed and increased their population)

A modern gymrat would be either feared, respected or just mocked for his muscles, it could easily pass as some kind of strong peasent. Either way he could easily live till 60 or 50 years if a heavy disease like colera or the plague doesn't kill him before

>>33486049
It took centuries to make gunpowder viable and even yet to use them in mass without it exploding in your hand or being useless when water came in contact with.
And not telling the part that you may miss because of the lack of rifling.

Fun fact: a scotish king died because one of his cannons literally exploted near him tearing him appart

>>33487719
>I don't think so, it wasn't until nordics start mixing with french and british that they become stronger (Remember that vikings were healthier because of a long farming season that keep them well feed and increased their population)
So ~2-3 centuries before the time period being discussed?

>>33485966
>You came to the wrong neighborhood mother fuck-is that a fucking sword? Uh, Imma just keep swim'n.

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>>33486702
In the fact that its armour, and there is a shark.... Technically, yes.

>>33486719
Congrats on finding out what the navy wore (still wear?) bell bottoms. Supposedly easier to get your feet out if you fall overboard.

>>33487738
>14th Century armour
>Implying the handgonne hasn't been around in Europe for a few centuries already

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>>33469362
Time to break out pic related and a tub of melted butter.

>>33480929
BEAKIE

>>33488806
>Congrats on finding out what the navy wore (still wear?) bell bottoms. Supposedly easier to get your feet out if you fall overboard.
Makes sense. I was stupid enough to wear a tracksuit, it became a lead blanket underwater and clung to my skin everywhere.

Some girl wore tight jeans and I had to help her...she wasn't drowning, just floating in dead-man just fine but she couldn't get them off without another person pulling them down. Happy to help.

The two that needed rescue both wore jeans and jumpers or something and I think both got stuck getting the jumper off, being under water, arms pinned by the top and panicking.

>>33485937
He is knocked unconscious for the moment... again...

>>33488839
What'a the butter for?

>>33490028
lubrication, obviously.

Just a silly question but is there a place anywhere in the world where I can buy myself a custom fit full medieval armor? Just asking for a friend.

>>33482619
>highlanders
>not effective at all
How can a swordmaster that cannot be killed but by cutting his head not be effective at all?

>>33477046
>king harlaus in charge of awarding fiefs

>>33490538
Are you in America or Europe?

>>33490538
OK its not a silly question, but you do have to be real with what you want. Price and availability all revolve around these questions.

-What is the armour for? Is it costume/display or is it combat ready harness for ACL/SCA/Armoured HEMA etc? Combat grade kit costs more. My helm cost more than a good beater car, for example.

-What period? What culture? when people say "Full medieval armour", the tend be discribing at least 600 years of plate development, if not more when you factor in that the majority of the actual medieval era was maille suits.

-Whats your budget?

>>33490901
Different anon here, Do you entertain stupid questions?

I'd love to try HEMA or similar, but I must admit I'd try for a Darksouls Cosplay. Some of the armor was practical-ish. I'm guessing nobody would take me seriously.

I know, or think I know, a lot of medieval reinactment gear ends up being mostly custom if I'm not mistaken.

>>33469362
Hook his legs with my modified Saber-Halberd and laugh because his Combat Pool is halved, reach penalties no longer apply to my attacks, and target zone modifiers no longer apply. Hack at him from 6ft away and push him over with said halberd if he starts getting up. Power attack, spending two die, regain die because of flourishing strike, roll 17d10>7, calculate damage as STR+Successes+weapon damage+power attack. Level 5 cutting wound to the foot, bitch.

>>33469799
The slavs fought against the crusaders

delet this pls

>>33469690
Dont forget to take his armor and sell it to an over-eager young squire in exchange for his sister

>>33491522
Would it involve sun-praising?

nail bat
monk's spade
bill
knife in the gaps
high intensity homosexual wrestling
axe to the neck
C O U C H E D L A N C E

>>33469362

Gently rub his codpiece and tell him that he can run me through anytime.

>>33473314
That mortality rate is skewed. People lived into the 70s, it's the infant mortality rate that puts the average at 40.

>>33469362
Challenge him to a duel
Longswords only

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4GoQlvc_H3s

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>>33477811
>>33469777
Double check'd

>>33494974
That's awesome, I haven't seen much of the Italian Longsword before. You see so many more German school techniques online.

>>33495397
And the complete video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GoQlvc_H3s

>>33491522
Different anon, It is mostly custom so as long as its realistic to wear then it would be possible to have it made and use it.
So maybe if its the drakeblood armour or somesuch, so no Havels or anything remotely stupid

>>33475503
you monster

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>>33477046
>Swadiass

Death to all noblemen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9sVcRxopJU

german song about the Black Company fighting for thr farmers in the peasant´s war

>>33469362
Trick him into a swimming contest

>>33469362
easy, just throw a pommel at him

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>>33472434

>be in graduate anthro program
>read this non-sense
>facepalm

Medieval knights were generally much better fed than their peasant counterparts, but their diets were still shit (nutrient deficient, carb heavy) compared to what we have available, in the developed world anyway...

Also archaeologists don't study human skeletons. Archaeology is the study of human material culture (i.e the stuff we leave behind like pots or arrow heads)

Physical anthropologists study human remains (Donald Johanson, Kathy Reichs, etc)

And no the shoulders of medieval archers weren't so strong they deformed their skeletons, that's retarded. Most of the meme's about how hard it is to draw an English longbow are based on misconceptions about the design and how the draw weight compares to modern draw weights. Any man who is at least 20+ yrs and not a complete fat body can draw and fire a longbow.

People back then were on average noticeably smaller than people today. If you went back in time, as your typical 6'1 180lb corn fed american male you would be fucking massive compared to 99% of the population.

>>33498877
>human remains aren't material culture
As a working archaeologist you're a retard.

>6'1" 180lbs is typical or average
lolno
Your the reason people don't take Anthropology seriously.
Re: the shoulder thing, it's a repetitive task developing a muscle that subsequently affects the bones anchored by those muscles. Medieval archers shot a LOT, and their skeletons reflect the resulting development of those muscles, compared to modern and contemporary remains.
Do you also think a construction worker, a bodybuilder, a martial artist, and a logger all have the same musculature? Do you think their skeletons don't reflect those variations in musculature?
Wherever your grad program is it's either not very good or you're a shit student.

>>33478466
they had syphilis in ancient rome guy

>>33498877
As an Osteoarchaeologist and Biological Anthropologist you don't know what you're talking about. See BABAO and the fact that must skeletal analysis is done with Archaeological departments.

>physical anthropologist's
That may explain it as you're a yank, where there is a greater separation between the two fields.

>>33499107
The more telling thing is humoral condylar breadth, the values tend to be rather similar when most others display a preference to right or left. This is by no means universal and any attempt to define occupation/activity from only skeletal remains is a rather difficult task fraught with danger.

>>33499107

>As a working archaeologist you're a retard.

if you were a working archaeologist (which let's be real you aren't lol) you would already know the different sub-fields and what they focus on

>Do you also think a construction worker, a bodybuilder, a martial artist, and a logger all have the same musculature? Do you think their skeletons don't reflect those variations in musculature?

First question is stupid, and doesn't merit a response. Secondly,skeletons reflect little in terms of musculature in life or least a lot less than you would guess they do. But anyways, no archers weren't "deformed" any more than a black smith or anyone else who did a repetitive action over the course of their life.

>Wherever your grad program is it's either not very good or you're a shit student.

coming from the "working archaeologist" who doesn't know that archaeology actually is one of the sub-fields within Anthropology (cultural, physical, linguistic, etc), yea I think I'll be fine

>>33499215
See it's only treated as a sub field in the US.

In UK/Europe Archaeology is considered its own field.

>>33499171
>>physical anthropologist's
>That may explain it as you're a yank, where there is a greater separation between the two fields.
>>33499107 here
No he's just an idiot that doesn't know what he's talking about. Over here PhysAnthro is more focused on biology. I assume he meant Forensic Anthropology, which deals with modern human remains and is technically a PhysAnthro discipline. It should also be telling that Forensic Anthropologists lift extremely heavily from the Archaeology playbook when excavating graves.

As for the skeleton comments, obviously that's pretty tailored to your field so I'll defer. My knowledge of those is limited to studying papers in college commenting on the skeletons of people that contextually were reasonably assumed to be medieval archers. Context is king in archaeology but there was enough correlation that they were comfortable commenting on it. I'm also not gonna shit up a /k/ thread with anything above layman-level jargon so yeah, I went with "deformed skeletons" when a more technically-correct term definitely exists.

>>33499291
Forensic Anth is different and while borrowing many tenets is rather different due to the medico--legal framework.

Im saying that what yanks call Phys Anthro UK/Euros call Biological Anth.

>Contextually reasoned to be archers

The only paper I can think off the top of my head is 'Blood Red Roses' and that's an excavation of a mass grave from the battle of Towton.

Those excavated were assumed to be combatants of low status due to the mass grave. I can't remember if they were specifally mentioned as archers but based upon English military structure of the time it's not unlikely and that's before looking at the assemblages.

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>>33499215
Moron I'm not the one claiming archaeologists don't excavate or study human remains. That's an idiotic assertion.
>ur not an archaeologist
The United States Bureau of Land Management disagrees with you. And guess the fuck what, I helped excavate human remains doing field school for my undergrad and a few times professionally.
I'd fire back that your knowledge and tone suggests "College sophomore anthropology major," tops.

>>33499291

>he's just an idiot that doesn't know what he's talking about
>immediately follows with misinformation about phys/bio vs forensic lol

I'm out but thanks for the laughs brit bongs

>>33499347
No, stay, it's good to discuss things. Everyone has just got to relax.

Archaeology is a broad field and not knowing the correct term for a specific sub discipline/related discipline can happen especially if you focus in a completely different area.

>>33469362

Say "yes, m'lord", and go on my merry way.

>>33499347

You're just as retarded as them, you guys are all saying the same shit and just arguing over the semantics of what to call/define it.

This thread is encapsulates everything wrong with the humanities....

>>33499328
>Forensic Anth is different and while borrowing many tenets is rather different due to the medico--legal framework.
My point was that this assertion that "only physical anthropologists deal with human remains" is dumb and wrong. The forensics guys are the ones out here they call to look at modern remains, not necessarily in a crime-scene context, though that's usually the case.

>Im saying that what yanks call Phys Anthro UK/Euros call Biological Anth.
Accurate from what I understand.

>the rest
It's been ~10 years. You really might be right.

>>33499421
I was just trying to clear up terms matey, I wasn't trying to slam anyone. it's important to keep discussions no matter how heated civil.

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>>33499405
>One retard pops into thread to start semantic shit-flinging
>Two different people tell him he's wrong
>"N-no I'm not but I'm above fighting with you so I'm gonna leave"
One of those posters is much, much more retarded than the other two.

Esoteric fights about sub-disciplines still don't belong in a fucking /k/ thread about fighting a knight though.

>>33499452
Hey man, don't get me wrong I'm not getting salty with you at all.
I still stand by the assertion that medieval peasants were much stronger and meaner than they're being given credit for ITT.

>>33499466
I agree but it's not really a fight, more clarification that things are different in different places.

There was some discussion about activity related change, while it clearly does take place, trying to narrow those down to specific activities is very, very hard or nigh impossible.

>>33499484
Oh I believe they were pretty physically fit, aside from possible malnutrition and other ailments. One of my best friends dad's is a farmer and he is MASSIVE, incredibly obese. He has the stamina and strength unseen by many despite being a fat fuck purely due to 60+ years of physical activity. Clrealy modern medicine has played a part to control blood pressue and the like but you get my point.

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>>33478900

> my fantasy boyfriend could kill 50
> I never claimed my fantasy boyfriend could kill 200
> stop bullying me

>>33499466

I don't know which one of the three you are, but the eurocucks were being just as pedantic as the burger

but you're all faggots who ruined a good thread anyhow

>>33499537
I'm none of them.
Also pretty sure it's a bong and two burgers shit-flinging.
The thread hasn't been good since yesterday but yeah that was its death-throes.

>>33499579
I'm the bong. I just joined the thread and saw a bit of bollocks being thrown around.

I just wanted to talk about musculo-skeletal anatomy, activity related change in a medieval context.

I didn't mean to shit up the thread.

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>>33499617

>>33499617
You're the least retarded of the 3 m8, no worries there.

>>33469362
I get out my trusty can opener and go to town.

>>33499691
>least retarded

Can I get that written properly, signed and witnessed? I feel like I could use that sometimes.

>>33469362
You could douse him with a flamible substance and toss a lit torch at him. Then kite him until he removes his armor or collapses

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>>33499850
Little drunk but it is signed and witnessed.

>>33500058
bless you Anon.

>>33480976
You know how you reenact medieval type combat and such? WWOOFers are reenacting medieval serfdom.

>>33480811
School shot'd

>Get a few fishing nets.
>Throw fishing net on night.
>Throw another.
>Mount entangled knight.
>Bash his head in with a large rock.
>Use hunting knife to sever head
>Mount on pike

>>33469362
>This guy slaps your sister's arse
We can negotiate if he wants to marry my sister. I am open to creating and strengthening alliances.
>and calls you a filthy peasant..
This can not be forgiven! I demand his blood! My honor as a nobleman depends on it!
>What can you do to deal with a fully plated knight?
Step one: don my own armor. Step two: contact my allies. Step three: raid his lands.

It is rather awesome being the descendant of nobility.

>>33469362
id use greek fire and bun him alive

>>33471150
Gets are counted from right to left newfag. Using your rules everyone is getting dubs until the counter rolls over to 34,000,000.

>>33473086
you tried, and that's all that matters.

>>33486240
Is Firentis the best companion? Is he, dare I say, /our guy/?

>>33479197
Nah
>>33479156
This guy is right. Noble Paladins, who now fight on as commanders of God's legions, scoured the land to remove the heretics.

>>33481029
So long as it's not the government forcing it, it's not communism. Just people choosing to be charitable.

>>33483908
show that ass your ass's ass.

>>33486089
>Joined wrestling in 4th grade.
>Was bigger and stronger than most kids. Couldn't practice without hurting partners.
>They paired me with high schoolers.
>tfw was still too strong for them.
>quickly lose interest and drop out.
>Same story with football.
>tfw being strong is only fun if you have people that can match your stretch and challenge you.

Would've joined the military or something if I hadn't destroyed my leg before I even made it to highschool. I think not being able to fight for my people is my biggest regret.

>>33483330
>And 90% of their kit is textiles dude, easily absorbing three times as much water weight.

Yes and no. You're not losing any at-rest buoyancy (the combined buoyancy of body+clothing+worn gear, which can be negative but I digress). But, and this is a big but, the water permeating everything you wear adds to the weight you have to shift with every movement. Sodden fabric also tends to balloon and sag, encumbering your movements while also creating turbulence which robs the efficiency of your swimming efforts.

You're probably a better swimmer in armor than if you strip down to just arming clothes. The armor would serve to contain and restrain the balloon, sag, and turbulence.

>>33469362
Toss a bucket of rendered pig fat that's nice and toasty. say 250 F on him. Holding a torch in your other hand, ask him nicely to apologize to the lady.
If he tries to grab or swing at you, it's likely he will slip and fall on the grease.
Followup shot would be tar and some feathers for making him look like a fool.
Sieges were repelled with boiling oil, or pitch. Supposedly Greek fire was a mix of this plus some sulfur or soap to make it sticky like napalm.

>>33502934
>peasents
>having even a crock of lard much less a tub

>>33502934
Maybe they put chunks of coal tar or Naptha refined from coal tar gas. Still that's easy to do with boiling coal in a kettle.

>>33502974
They used such material and devices at the portcullis of castles to repel sieges before.

>>33501234
Supposed descendant of one of Henry VIII's many mistresses. Anybody wanna help me overthrow the English Crown?

>>33503033
>bastard overthrowing the crown
Good luck getting the Court to bother

>>33490570
underrated

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>>33503091
>implying I require the court's consent.

>>33503134
Killing the king is only step one. Theres a reason just ganking kings is usually the sign of a kingdom past its prime

>>33500178
This is honestly the best description of WWOOFing I've ever seen

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>>33503150
>sign of a kingdom past its prime
>implying the sun won't set on the British Empire when the son returns.
I will bring order and peace to my new empire.

>>33503565
>british empire
I mean, killing the royal family and taking charge would only improve things at this point.

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>>33503594
that's the idea

>>33469362
>ask him to hold open my sister's legs while I creampie her
>then let him have a go

Why do you ask questions with such obvious answers?

>>33498877

>And no the shoulders of medieval archers weren't so strong they deformed their skeletons, that's retarded.

They had enlarged left arm bones and bone spurs, it's pretty widely accepted.

>Most of the meme's about how hard it is to draw an English longbow are based on misconceptions about the design and how the draw weight compares to modern draw weights.

The English longbow was super effective because it was so hard to draw. If it was easy, why didn't France field huge longbow units in the war as well? It was clearly a pivotal weapon on the battlefield for decades and the French had plenty of Yew trees.

There are a lot of reasons the French never successfully utilized the longbow but the main reason is because it was extremely difficult to draw. A man had to train for years and years to use one. The English made archery part of their culture. Kids grew up with small bows and worked their way up to the huge English longbow. The French were satisfied with small hunting bows and crossbows, never fully appreciating what a game changer the English longbow was.

This is fairly common knowledge among historians, not sure where you are getting your sources.

>>33504310
The longbow wasn't a gamechanger, ot was a harrassing weapon at most against the french.

Only true patricians use the pollaxe, unlike those faggot Swiss and their halberds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTVC25hYJaY

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>>33469362
Grab the big flail and give him a few good whacks.

>>33504340

I disagree and I'm not really sure how this argument has gained so much traction. Of course, a man in high quality full plate armor was mostly invulnerable but how many in an army of 100,000 would have that level of armor? I would guess less than 10% on average. And only a handful of them would have horses that were adequately armored as well.

If you're saying that massed English longbowman didn't account for 30-40% of the kills at Agincourt, that they didn't just slaughter the enemy by the thousands like you might see in a movie or what the common perception might be, I would definitely agree. But if you're saying that the English beat 3 to 1 odds at Agincourt because their knights were just so much more badass and that the English archers were just annoying the enemy, you're crazy.

10,000 archers could fire 600,000 arrows in a minute. The ability to create a hail storm of arrows anywhere on the battlefield at any time is a game changer. Even if only 1 in 10,000 arrows was a kill that's still 600 kills every ten minutes and probably triple that wounded and impeded by stuck arrows. Against lightly armored troops, it was probably 1 in 1000.

>>33504618
>>33504310

I hate longbow worship.

Arrows were fucking shit back in the day against armor. Simple mail + cloth or even just densely packed woolen jackets would defeat most arrows past 20 yards. If a arrow did make it through, such as in a joint or limb, its penetration was greatly reduced and the arrow head itself would likely be just a shit bodkin that left a small narrow wound channel and could be easily pulled out. There are first hand accounts of French knights coming back from the front with a dozen arrows in the back of their mail without a single penetration.

Really the thing that made the longbow a "game changer" was that it was very effective against horses, who were rarely armored. Agincourt was won because literally all of the French Calvary was destroyed in the first couple of barrages and thus the French Men-at-Arms had to wade hundreds of meters through heavy mud to the front line while taking fire the whole way. They reached the front, mostly intact, right around the time the Longbowman had run out of ammo; by this time the French were exhausted, and were overpowered by the more numerous longbowmen with daggers, knifes, hatchets, etc. Some of the French Men-at-Arms are even reported to have suffocated in their own helmets or in the thick mud that had been stirred up by there own now dead horses.

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>>33505106

>longbow a "game changer"

So you agree?

> Simple mail + cloth or even just densely packed woolen jackets would defeat most arrows past 20 yards.

I know this, but not every inch of the body could be covered. We're talking about hundreds of thousands of arrows being loosed every minute. Some are going to find cracks, eye slits. Even if they don't kill or wound many they turn shields into unwieldy porcupines, they stick into men and armor making men clumsy and slowing advances. Also, the closer you get to the archers the more damaging their arrows become.

Since the English knew how effective the longbow was they almost always assumed a defensive stance and forced the French to attack them which meant covering 800 yards all while enduring hundreds of thousands of arrows a minute. For a whole army to cross that distance it could take as much as a half hour.

It's easy to look at an isolated test and say arrows are useless but warfare isn't science especially in the medieval times when it was more a battle of wills. It's hard to imagine something more demoralizing than marching underneath a literal shower of thousands and thousands of whistling, stinging arrows. To a man in plate, the noise was probably similar to what you would hear inside a dryer filled with ball bearings. I read it described as "the devil's chorus" once. If you got hit, there would be almost no time to stop and assess the damage or pull it out, the press of desperate men behind you would shove you forward.

And after the march from hell was over you would be greeted by a wall of angry men, fresh and uninjured and the knowledge that if you failed you'd have to endure the march again and this time while showing your back to the archers.

>>33505106
>"game changer" was that it was very effective against horses

you're ignoring so much of the full picture.
for one, a hail of arrows is psychologically terrifying. if only the first three ranks are expected to see combat and all of the ranks are suddenly dealt with a whistling hail of sharp pointy objects that are at best a potentially deadly nuisance and at worst crippling, lethal or worse, its not hard to see why the bow and arrow were staples of war
second, a longbow, or more commonly a composite bow, were of sufficient poundage to penetrate the light cotton armors most men in any army wore.
the longbow is inefficient in regards to its design when compared to asian and "eastern" composite bows, that i agree with. It's a bit of a brute solution.
thirdly, any hit with an arrow- especially to lightly armored or unarmored body parts- was maiming and incapacitating.
granted, knights in both mail, linen padding, and solid armor were largely impervious to even high poundage bows with specialized arrows. most men were not that well-armored and thus much more susceptible to a chance arrow that makes its mark in their belly, shoulder, or thigh.

furthermore eastern cultures- especially sassanids, for example, focused on sheer speed and quantity of arrows. they even had guiding pieces that work similar to an atatl that would add power and speed to the draw and loosing. so when faced with a dozen arrows in about three seconds from several directions, your buddy to your right gets one through his calf and a dude ten men to your left taking it through the throat, screams of pain and the sheer chaos of it all

it doesn't even matter if "arrows were shit against armor", they were effective anyway

>>33505425
>hundreds of thousands of arrows a minute
a medieval army would be lucky to have that many arrows.

>>33469690
underrated post