If you could build a house designed to purely to fuck with an

>>33231029
Lots and lots of narrow and winding stairs.

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The only answer.

Mannequins everywhere and top hinged doors with a handle on both sides.

Knee knockers and sliding floors.

>>33231029
legos

Staircase in a hallway that leads to an entry door with no landing. There's no way to stack up but right in line with the door and they have to come through almost 1 at a time while climbing stairs.
Lots of left turns since those lazy fucks didn't train off hand and do dumb shit like put shotshells on the right side of thier shotgun stocks.

I think a trap door would be the best. Like a 4x8 one hooked up to an entry alarm. They go rushing in and fall into a pit, probably blue on bluing in the process.

>>33231080
Wew I just laughed harder than fuck.

Also robots that butter floors and self destruct like proximity mines.

>>33231029
I'd build it like H.H. Holmes
>Holmes purchased an empty lot across from the drugstore, where he built his three-story, block-long hotel building. Because of its enormous structure, local people dubbed it "The Castle." The building was 162 feet long and 50 feet wide. The address was 601-603 West 63rd Street.[19] It was called the World's Fair Hotel and opened as a hostelry for the World's Columbian Exposition in 1893, with part of the structure devoted to commercial space.
> The ground floor of the Castle contained Holmes' own relocated drugstore and various shops, while the upper two floors contained his personal office and a labyrinth of rooms with doorways opening to brick walls, oddly angled hallways, stairways leading to nowhere, doors that could only be opened from the outside and a host of other strange and deceptive constructions.
>Holmes was constantly firing and hiring different workers during the construction of the Castle, claiming that "they were doing incompetent work." His actual reason was to ensure that he was the only one who fully understood the design of the building.[20]

I'd also add wild animals, especially some feral dogs and cats

Stuffed dogs filled with tannerite that pop out from spaces hidden in the walls and floors.

>>33231029
yes hello ATF

>>33231108
For what purpose? Hiding his porn stash?

Ramps everywhere
Covered in motor oil
Mirrors
Sprayers that spray LSD

>>33231125
Serial Killer.

>>33231029

>Every open room has wooden barricades that obstruct vision, painted with CS lingo
>Closets that have high-power strobe lights that activate when the door opens
>Random wooden bars attached to furniture, walls, doorways that stick out at shin level
>That one hallway with a 4ft ceiling clearance
>Stairway to second level is a rope ladder
>Second floor plateau is only accessible by zip-line
>Trap-door in bathroom that drops directly into the basement slime pit
>Fertilizer-based explosives secured stored in the attic

>>33231125
to murder people and dispose of the corpses

>>33231125

Serial killer. Would typically asphyxiate guests/girlfriends by cutting off the oxygen supply, then carry the corpses via hidden tunnels/trap doors to the basement where he would dismember them. I think he was caught because he asphyxiated his GF's sister/employee in his bank vault, and the police got part of a shoe print and some scratches that showed she was murdered there.

someone post the webm of cops trying to smash open that apartment door

trying and trying and trying

Turn the heat on full blast so the interior is like 100 degrees.
Every door opens outward, shin high transparent acrylic bars behind every door.
Vaseline and tiny marbles all over the ground.
Extremely narrow spiral staircases to get to the different floors, all the steps are angled downward and smeared with vaseline.
Mirrors all over the walls.
Cardboard cutouts of armed dudes in ski masks that pop out around corners. Some cutouts of women holding babies mixed in.
Trapdoors flush with the flooring placed at random.

Housewide speaker system that plays extremely loud furry erotica interspersed with random gunshots and shouting.

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Make the entire building into a kids play house. Stuff like the floors are soft foam, ball pits and trampolines, ceiling is only 4-5 feet high, no stairs only climbing frames and slides, lots of twists and turns etc.
Either the most annoying or most fun house to clear

>>33231029
you remember the mansion from resident evil 1?

that.

hope you fucks know how to play piano

If I had enough time to prepare, I'd recreate rooms from the houses of various members of the entry team to fuck with their heads.

>>33231100
I think you mean right turns, most OPERATORS are right handed.

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fuck them motherfuckers right up

>>33231029
>>33231029
Purely to fuck
Not kill
Just fuck

War crime

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>>33231029
>>33231052
Why does nobody remember this?

>>33231029
A lot of hallways that either loop back on themselves or go fuckin' nowhere. Secret passages and rooms that can't be accessed normally. Pictures on the walls that look like gunmen. Furniture that blocks line of sight. Paper walls with weird backlighting. Steel reinforced interior doors.

And Legos. Fucking Lego Bricks EVERYWHERE.

>>33231029
Doors on the walls that don't lead to rooms.

Line the walls with reposts of threads from when /k/ wasn't trash.

>>33233027
>Team 1 got turned around due to a slide and needs to backtrack.
>Team 2 is requesting lube as Johnson got stuck in a crawlspace
>Team 3 is in the ballpit and refuses to leave.

>>33233693
My money is on a doorstop.

>>33231483
>Fertilizer based explosives in the attic

Damnit man, we're trying NOT to kill them

>>33231029
road spikes everywhere and dog shit on the floor

>>33233825
So...bare walls?

>>33231108
Devil in the white city

>>33231029
Dragon Dildos glued to every surface.

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The pre-aircraft technique involved rather a lot of stone.
This would probably get you by unless a government particularly wanted to mess up your day.

Huge mansion on outside. Ten doors, only one of which is real. Door opens to hundred foot long hallway with doors every ten feet to the right and left and every five feet moving forward. Right and left doors open outward onto walls. Nothing behind them. No lights entire building. End of hall is ball pit twenty feet deep that becomes a tunnel filled with balls, as in you'd drop into the ball pit and the tunnel would continue from the floor of the pit. Tunnel four feet high. End blank wall. Doors open from outside only and close by themselves. Steel reinforced. Speakers play gunshots at high volume.

>>33233789
Do you expect them to be barefooted?

>>33231029
Tight corridors with jumpscare firearm noises every 5-10 feet. And they'll be randomly selected. Like one foot, chick-chick BANG. Then six feet, tooka tooka tooka. Then I'll have on that actually fires rubber balls, so they think they're hit.

Also the entire house is nothing but tight corridors.

>>33231029

What you need is RIGHT HERE:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winchester_Mystery_House

"... doors and stairs that go nowhere, windows overlooking other rooms and stairs with odd-sized risers..."

They are still finding new rooms they didn't know existed.

>>33233049
I love moonlight sonata

Reinforced doors, and the entrance to the house is actually a tunnel. When they breach the front door, all they find is another door, Behind that door, another door, and so on.

Locked doors that open into brick walls 10 inches from the opening.

Very oily shag carpet on stairs.

Hallway with fake vents on the walls spaced 2 feet apart.

Disco balls that get lit up on motion detection... every room.

Sound system in rooms to play creaking floor sounds randomly. Random door knocking noise as well.

Random doors not secure very well to wall so they just fall down when pushed on.

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>doors with knobs that disconnect upon turning

>long carpet in hallways with the undersides soaked in grease

>pressure plates that trigger fire alarms from speakers behind thin walls/wallpaper of rooms the team is in

>wide, empty room with floor tilting down towards exit door
>upon turning the knob, walls adjacent to entry door slide open, releasing 20-40 office chairs with greased caster wheels towards team

>room with entry door connected to closing device, when entire team enters and door shuts valves open, slowly filling the room from the floor up with ~200 can worth of shaving cream

>furniture that collapses upon being disturbed

>room with wet pool noodles connected to spinning axels, at multiple orientations

>room where traversing requires you to go into a water pit and under a submerged ledge, destroying all non-waterproofed electronics
>next room has no lights, and the floor is covered in soda cans turned on their sides

>forest in the attic, complete with wildlife indigenous to florida everglades

>pressure tiles that drop sugar glass panes from slits in the cieling in random locations in whichever room the team is in

>trapdoor on upper levels that drops you onto a slide that sends you to the front entrance room, landing you on a couch in the corner
>couch with collapsable legs

>>33233731
Can you link that? On mobile so can't read shit

>>33231057
based

>>33233976
>"Cogedlo, cogedlo..."

>>33233855
>securely stored

Way to be an illiterate shitfucker - how many times have you nd'd today?

>>33233693
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ET9SNXpeORY

>>33234693
Yeah, man.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/lq5n21rifhykc08/k%20builds%20a%20house.jpg?dl=0

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>>33231029

Windows just have painted steel/brick or posters to make them look like normal windows. The only actual windows are 1 way mirrors. Obvious doorways just open to a corridor that lead to the other obvious doorways. Only way in without tearing down a wall has a secret button to open the door.

>>33231148
>Sprayers that spray LSD
Alternatively: Swinging spike balls, Viet cong style, with needles full of morphine in them. SWAT team kicks door down, gets met with a face full of opiatic painkillers.

>>33234662
>aluminum trough of spaghetti suspended on slightly-ajar door

>Squelch

>>33234890
You're strangely optimistic about people under stress.

>>33234191
Legos aren't fun to step on even with boots. At best the damned things make noise as you step on them. More likely, they slip as you step on them.

>>33235362
Decorative containers filled with marble resting in really easy to knock over places.

>>33233976
Damn that's beautiful.

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>>33231029
Here's the guide!

>>33231029

former eleven door kicker here. I can think of a few things that would rattle any vet/cop/swat

>long, narrow halls
>lots of doors cracked open
>occasional lines of thin wire stretched across door ways
>narrow door ways
>outward opening doors
>lots of stairs
>short stairs you can't get your whole foot on
>no hand rails
>make sure the whole house is hot and humid
>poor lighting with lots of dark, shadowed areas
>bright lights pointing at hall entrance so they can't see down the hall
>bad flooring
>like, so bad there are dips and weak spots

>>33231750
>Turn the heat on full blast so the interior is like 100 degrees.
You are a horrible, horrible person.

>>33234859
Morir es vivir.

>>33233597
Underrated

>>33231029
All the hinges on the wrong side of the door

Floor 1: Ceiling lights strobe in various colours according to where you stand in the room.

Floor 2: Pressure plates under the carpet that are attached to pneumatic actuators that fling furniture across the room at high velocity.

Floor 3: "What's New Pussycat" plays on repeat.

Floor 4: Long library corridors that wind through the whole floor. Hidden within the books are loaded 12g Beanbag shells that detonate on proximity.

Floor 5: It spins. The whole floor spins at about 30 mph.

Floor 6: Nothing, except for one pressure plate that causes a recorded fart sound.

Floor 7: A pressure plate in every room causes a small chute to open, releasing a handful of kittens.

Floor 8: One, single, massive room that contains a single chair. Getting too close to it causes it to spontaneously fall apart.

Floor 9: A live goat.

Doors that open twelve inches and stop hard.
Two foot high solid fences across every hallway at three foot intervals, roller tops so they can't be used as stepping stones.
Black painted floors with twelve inch pits at random.
Grease on the stair treads. No banisters.
White, IR and heat strobes in the upper corners of every room.
Fly paper hanging at various heights from the ceiling.
White noise playing st 110db.
Arch generators to flood the EM with noise.
Marbles on the floor.
Six inch ceramic tiles covered in contact cement st random on the floor.
Live size full colour cut outs of kids/police/blacks in all the rooms.

When the entry team is all in and fucked up with that, gravity powered shutters drop down over all doors and windows but one small window in the front of the house that can be observed by the media.

>>33231029
As an architect I'm going to keep this in mind in my next project.

>>33231038
One of them leads no or looks around

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>>33234989
Not even that mobile guy, but thanks, pal.

Have a snake.

>>33236196
>Floor 3: "What's New Pussycat" plays on repeat.
That's cruel and unusual.

>>33231029
Winchester Mystery House

>>33231100
drug dealers should have steps up to a door with no landing.

better to aggravate the threat as far away as possible

>>33231547
>doors that open outward

>>33231029
trap door to basement or under floor with shoot holes watching the entrances

a simple modification, but effective.

>>33237257

Ah, but Anon.

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO-

>>33235190
"It gets easier every time"

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>>33237257
>team two reports they have heard what's new pussycat, in it's entirity between 8 and a single time.

Badly poured foundation or ground improperly leveled before pouring foundation. Pair it with ceiling fans with high lumen bulbs.

It makes you feel fucking nauseous as you try and walk across. The strobing of fan blade shadows does not help. Feels like walking on a ship in rolling waves.

Speakers hidden in the walls behind the plaster/wallpaper/whatever that play whispers, children laughing, squeaking floorboards, running foot steps, water dripping, an old woman crying, gunfire. Hide some behind the ceiling molding that play more intermittently to really spook people.

>>33234960
Why the fuck didn't they just go through the wall?