>You hear that noise >The irreplaceable sound of glass

>>33198080
>I get up and grab the tube of ky jelly while strolling out of my bedroom. As i emerge naked from the hallway i begin to drizzle the lube on my erect penis and grin at the home invaders. I say to them "Well I guess you know how this is gonna end, so lets get started then."

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>>33198080
>call the police

>>33198080
take too long deciding between my Mossman 500 with 5 rounds of 00buck in the tube and 5 more on the stock with a Surefire weaponlight or my AR-15 with a full 30 round magazine of 62gr hollow points and an Armytek weaponlight.
lose all my shit because I'm an overprepared faggot

>>33198249
>overprepared
If you were overprepared, you'd have run drills to ensure your response time was as low as possible. You aren't prepared for shit, child.

>>33198153
>police take three hours to respond
>die

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>Grab Glock brand Glock
>Head towards the room they're in
>Pull the pin
>Throw into room
>Sweep after explosion to ensure threat is gone
>Phone police

>awake, sit bolt upright in bed, hardly able to believe what's happening
>never thought I'd be this lucky
>strap on my gas mask and slam the red button mounted on a pedestal in the center of my bedroom
>vaporized DMT floods the house
>blast shields drop over windows and doors, blocking all entrance or exit
>the strobe lights and 120dB BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS fire up
>45-60 seconds later the melanin-enriched gentlemen are rolling on the floor gibbering about machine elves
>my friday night has begun
>48 hours later they stumble out, naked and coated in a clear, viscous fluid they'll never be quite able to identify
>I enjoy a cigar and a coffee on the porch, secure in my knowledge that they'll never harm another living soul

>>33198080
>engage with nightstand gun
>take 1, maybe 2
>the remaining bits of the soul train either flee or fuck my shit up
>if fled, public attorney fucks my shit in court because of a hot batch of dindu muffins

>>33198351
Do you carry a broom with you everywhere, anon?

But how do they have side arms drawn while carrying a flat screen tv?

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>>33198354
Even more practical, DMT infused bullets so while theyre laying there dying not only do you not have to worry about them getting back up, but you can help midwife their souls into the afterlife. Aldous aint got shit on dat boi.

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>>33198561
Actually made me chuckle/10

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>>33198080
>jump outta bed, been waiting for this all my life
>smash glass around the blast shields button and slam the button
>blast shields cover all windows and doors
>i'm not trapped in here with you, you're trapped in here with me
>lunge at the first dindu, taking 5 shots in the chest
>hi-point dindu's 9mm almost leave a bruise
>i've been shooting myself with handguns since i was young, am practically immune now
>violently rape that first nigger as the others watch
>they shoot me but I laugh it off
>they realize the gravity of the situation and attempt to flee, only finding my blast shields
>the other three niggers hide in my house as I hunt them down, raping them to death
>last dindu is too fast for me
>a plan emerges in my mind
>I skin one of the dead dindus and wear his skin
>prowl around the house until I find him
>"T-Tyrone, is that you?"
>"Yeah senpai lets get outta here"
>walk him to the front door, deactivate the blast shield
>take off my dindu mask and let him see the horror
>let him flee
>I am a merciful god

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>>33198080
I run away.

Beforehand, set things up to seal them inside.

No use being in a heated situation around a bunch of dangerous people if I could back away or even avoid coming face to face with just over a mere TV. [spoiler]Or especially a smelly noxious situation![/spoiler]

>>33198561
lol'd

>>33198080

Get behind something and keep my rifle pointed at the door, I'll call the police and just watch the door until either they leave or the police get there.

>>33198080
reported

sage

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>>33199542

>>33198080
graby my loaded shotgun, as well am my battle bag, has my sidearm in it.

had to do it a two times now, and yea i don't live in the best area, but haven't had a problem since the second time.

known as crazy white man now.

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I sleep on the couch in the living room with ar 15 close by.

I guess after I eviscerate them with 75 gr. hollowpoints , I would have to call the carpet cleaners. and the cops, I guess.

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>>33198264
I've run so many drills that I'd have a hard time picking between attack pattern sigma and attack pattern bravo. They're both equally effective, but sigma involves a duck and roll that's probably 4/5 difficulty but looks really cool. Bravo requires 3/5 stealth rating, but if I'm groggy I might not be able to pull it off, so I'd have to take my pulse to see if my adrenaline isn't too high.

Then again, I could try evasive maneuver alpha, then combine it with recon tactic gamma to make sure there's fewer than three men in the house. From there, I've got a 3/4inch steel plate at the corner of my hallway with 4 different drawers containing all of my tactical weapons systems. I could choose my AUG, which is perfect for clearing buildings, but may yet be too long for attack pattern sigma. I could choose my Glock 19 with a surefire light, lazer, night sights, and talon grips. I'd prefer to use that for only close quarters, so it's out of the question if I've used evasive maneuver alpha. Alpha leaves me by the kitchen anyway, so I'll only need my Cold Steel zombie machete for that one. So anyway, evasive maneuver theta is probably best if I want to use my Glock.

If the 4th drawer, I've got my Mossberg Shockwave. It's got a reflex sight, 5 in the mag and 5 on the side. My Streamlight lamp is set for strobe so I can bewilder burglars, enabling an easy attack pattern Bravo maneuver. I'll take a wide turn around the plate, count the intruders and drop them with an alternating bird shot/buck shot load. It's all about the spread vs. knockdown power with this particular weapon system I'm running.

Anyway, I've rehearsed all 43 variants of the nighttime intruder scenario, and I'm pretty sure I could pick my plan of action, almost by instinct, in under 3 seconds.

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>>33198080
>rub my eyes
>smile like pic related
>grab my rifle
>finally I get to kill some niggers

>>33198080
Grab my pink junior 22 plinker rifle, unload all the rounds safely, put the rifle butt down and slide the muzzle into my unlined rectum.

>>33198146
>Not saying "let's not turn this rape into a murder"

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>>33198080
>be me
>wake up
>4 dindus in living room
>grab spears from below bed
>stealth my way to them
>stand up throwing two spears
>two dindus are now headless
>TV lands safely on dead dindus
Ohhellno.jpg
>other two nogs both run to the door
>third spear hits the one in the back and their both stuck together
>taunt the two nigs while waiting for the cops
>I am the spearchucker

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>>33199542

>>33198080
>The OP wakes up and feel depressed
>Oh jillywikers! Said the OP
>I always wake up just before the Blacked scene
>Why don't Tyrones with their BBC ever find me attractive? Cried the OP
>I know, maybe if I get that MtF operation in Thailand, then the Tyrones will let me suck their 3 foot long dicks.

So of the OP went gallavanting to Thailand. The End.

>Unsheathe katana
BANZAI

>>33198080
>Implying I don't sleep with a loaded gun on my nightstand
>Implying I don't have a 110 pound German Shepherd that hates niggers
>Implying all of my valuables in the same room I sleep, and the TV in the living room is a shitty old TV from the late 80's that doesn't even work
>Implying everything worth a fuck is not behind a closed door where I'm waiting with my firearm at the ready
If they manage to get out of my house alive, fuck it, they can have my shit. They'd have earned it.

>>33198354
this is why night /k/ is so much better than day/k/are

>>33198080
>Grab handgat
>Peek into the room
>Shoot the 50lbs of hidden tannerite in my walls
>Blow up half my house
>Itsrainingmen(chunks).mp3
>Claim the Tyrones were bombing my house and fucked up
>Collect insurance money
>Buy more tannerite and guns
2EZ

Throw on my sweatpants, sag them to my knees and tuck my p320 into my boxers. Break out the hoppes and get high with my new friends.

>>33198561
Hogwarts Aerial Corp Rapid Response Team

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>>33199643
>AUG for home defense

>>33199552
>>33201309

this thread has nothing to do with weapons and is pure underage moronic larping
fuck off faggots

leave /k/ and never come back

sage

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>>33199542

>>33199643
Look pol we're not ALL like this, I run a perfume company ffs

I'm putting my 9mm in one hand and my 20 gauge in the other and laying in the hallway wife has called 911 waiting for the naggers to head my way.

>wonder why they're attacking a house when people are home instead of when they're at work
>pop em til they drop

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>Look to my nightstand control panel
>See that the living room light is blinking
>Push the living room button
>Go back to sleep knowing that all 4 Tyrone's will be deceased when I wake up due to the dozens of rabid raccoons I keep for each room
>Mfw when I go into the living room that morning