>be me >head of respiratory in my hospital >watching

>>32579120
>>new nurse gagging like shes in an orgy
speaking from experience?

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One of my worst fears is honestly to get shot in the lung and have a sucking chest wound

>>32579148
haha of course not... who on earth would do that, hehe...

>>32579148
my favorite part of the story t b h

>>32579159
thing is it literally just scraped the bottom of his collarbone, just

Anyone else have ER stories?

>>32580020
>Be me
>EMT
>See this chubby qt3.14 all the time
>Talk to her
>Two weeks later
>she just says it
>Wanna fuck?
>Take her to supply closet
>Fuck that chubby ass
>Leave
>Tell partner
>Yeah my dude, everyones fucked her.
>get Aids test

>>32580020
Stepmom used to be an ER doctor. She is like corporate now but one of her stories

>guy comes in and is all nervous
>finally admits he has a dildo stuck in his ass
>nurse calls guys wife because she's emergency contact
>wife shows up and all hell breaks loose
>she had absolutely no idea he did stuff like that
>the only thing they give him is laxatives to pass it
>guy outed himself for something he could of just bought at a drug store

She said they kept the xray of the dildo in his ass and would use it to prank the new doctors.

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>>32580153
>She said they kept the xray of the dildo in his ass and would use it to prank the new doctors.

There really is no such thing as professionalism in any field, is there? I am okay with this.

>>32580268
there's degrees of professionalism, but the new guy always gets shit on

>>32580020
>be EMT student on ER shift
>autoped gets brought in, car hit a bike going like 10mph
>dude is clearly homeless with bad roadrash, but nothing critical
>get him trauma naked
>dude calls me a faggot when i cut off his shirts
>tons of swastika/SS tats
>doc is VERY jewish
>get told to start bilateral 14ga IVs "just to be safe"

>>32580020
Not me but my father was called out in the late 70 when he was a 19 or so to a shooting. Some guy broke in to his x-girlfriend house and she shot him with a 10-22, 8 round to the torso. The cop was freaking out and kept asking if the guy was dead and my father just counted the holes and told him yes he's dead.

>>32580537
>>get told to start bilateral 14ga IVs "just to be safe"
'splain

>>32580556
Sedation via lorazepam

>>32580556
autoped is a serious mechanism of injury that requires a high index of suspicion for internal injuries. Aggressive treatment is a good thing, but 14ga is a fuck huge needle. most adults get 16's for "critical trauma" and 18's for everything else, but if he needs fluid a 14 will get it there fast. it didnt help that i was a student and missed his tiny veins a couple times.

>>32580589
>>32580596
Ah, thought it was the way of jewdoc to get back at him for the tatoos

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>>32580537
This is what I'm afraid of

I've got loads of swastikas and nazi themed tats, and I'm afraid I'm going to be injured then some big nosed kike doctor see the tattos and injects injects me with zyklon-b or whatever

>>32580623
it basically was, the doc knew i would take a few tries and bilateral 14ga is the upper limit of reasonable for this case. its nothing that couldnt be justified under scrutiny though

>>32580635
>injects me with zyklon-b
Serves you right for being a /pol/tard

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>>32580463
I'm a private skyfag. So I've participated in and been witness to some glorious radio exchanges:

Skywalker
>Flying out to nearby island for lunch
>Airpark there is uncontrolled, but the CTAF is used consistently and the guy monitoring is helpful as fuck. Flying in and out of uncontrolled airports isn't really a big deal, but it can be a little annoying/high pressure if it's crowded. It was.
>Some guy comes on the radio announcing his departure
>Beeeeeeeeeeeccchcraaafft echchcho leeeeeeeeeeeeema wooone seeeveeeen taaaaaaaakiyng aycteeeeev fouuuuuur depawwtre.
>Etc etc as he's on his way out
>Talks exactly how skinwalkers are described to talk. Each transmission takes like 30 fucking seconds or more and is barely intelligible and sometimes not at all.
>They've learned to fly, the end is near
>3spooky5me

Dirt strip saga
>Be flying in rural area on a local frequency (not approach/center/departure, basically just a big CTAF. Tell people where you are so they can fly around you etc)
>Guy reports in over a local dirt strip
>Traffic, Cessna <someshit> over the dirt strip, 4500 feet northbound, traffic.
>Suddenly some faggot jumps on the radio with no identification
>Your MOM'S a dirt strip!
>Time goes by, same aircraft reports over harbor, bogey chimes in again
>Your MOM'S a harbor!
>Sides blow out shitty Cessna doors and float Gently to the earth.

>>32580550
>with a 10.22
You had me up until that point.

>>32579120
Was it a fragmenting .22?

>>32580635
>Nazi getting killed by a Jewish doctor through chemical means
Oh the irony.

>>32579120
Are you in wise, abingdon or Christiansburg?

>>32581000
Yes but the kikes deserved it, I don't

>>32580635
>injected
>with Zyklon-B

>>32581062
You haven't injected a marijuana before?

>>32581029
fucking skin head wiggers

>>32580635
>Getting swastika tats
For what purpose would you mark your body in a way that would make most people averse to you and some willing to literally kill you?

FWIW I'm an EMT so I can tell you most techs/paramedics/nurses won't give a shit so long as you act like like a reasonable person. There are a lot of Jewish doctors though who probably wouldn't risk their careers to be petty, but there are many ways they can make your life uncomfortable without going too far.

>>32579120
You sure it was a .22LR ?

>>32580153
like how does that even happen?

>>32579120
>>new nurse gagging like shes in an orgy
/k/ writes a medical journal

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>>32580635
tattoos are for people who have no one that cares about them.

I've seen it happen.

>>32581023
Rocky Mount

>>32581000
We didnt care to check, once we tubed him we shipped his ass out.

Im eh on hoping he lives or not, hes a dumbass, but i do feel bad for him


Best part is his friend drove him to the hospital, and the nigger walked to the front desk and just said "I gote shote"

>>32581222
Not sure. But like I said she's a doctor and kind of a square. It's probably the most taboo story she's told. Apparently during her 10 years as a medical doctor guys with things stuck in their ass happened more than once. That one's just funnier because the guys wife showed up.

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>>32581238

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>>32580665
>hey do you want to be a pilot?
>you fix, so why not fly?
>why not man its so much fun!

because idiots have planes, and i dont want to be up there with them.

an idiot rear ends you on the road, ok wll fuck, pull over deal with it.

an idiot sling shots into you mid-air, yer done, congratulations you played ya self.

>>32581222
Bouncing on one too hard and it not having a safe base. That is why a lot have balls or something, it makes sure they don't get sucked in.

>>32581317
okay I wish I hadn't asked now

>>32580020

>Guy in ER parking lot is frowny face
>Scribbles shit on his forearm for his family in permanent marker, wants his organs all donated, etc.
>Gets out of vehicle and walks over to garden adjacent ER entrance to sit on a rock
>Pulls out a Baby Eagle in 45 ACP, turns it around so the muzzle is pressed against chest and fires one round
>Active shooter precaution engaged cause gunshot
>Eventually trauma crew exits because it's determined the shooter was the victim
>Staff works on him for a good 30min before calling it
>Transfer him to surgery to harvest organs

Guy put a hollow point into his heart, still think if wanting to donate organs should of put it in his mouth. Pissed me off staff talking how "shot himself with a Desert Eagle!" and how LEO's went all Judge Dredd onsite when they finally made it ten minutes later.

>>32579159
Yeah, tell me about it. I heard those really suck.

>>32581296
>My Parents are still married
>Father has tattoos
> I have a tattoo
>Im 26 and happily married for 5 years


Nice try fag boy

>>32581342
That just means you still have a shitty relationship with your family.

Are you distant with your parents? Do they know you're gay? Do they know you're a /k/omrade?

>>32581342
>parents too poor to divorce
>dad is trash
>I'm trash
>will be divorced in 2 years

>>32580065
Did it come back positive

>>32581238
post pics of your tats, anon.

>>32580065
kek

>>32580065
So how was it? Ever hit it again? Did you have aids? So many questions.

>>32581326
what kind of fucking faggot are you that you don't know proper dildo safety?

>>32581342
>Gets assmad someone insulted his tats
>Proceeds straight to ad hominen, do not pass go do not collect $200
>Claims to have married at 21, an age only emotionally immature people or those in an arranged marriage marry at
Wew lad

>>32581317
You are very knowledgeable regarding this subject.

>brother in law is an ER doc inna city
>most of his job involves telling people seeking pain meds to go away
>other half is patching up nig nogs shooting each other
>hates his patients
>hates his staff
>is going into teaching

Can't really blame him.

>>32581470
>implying implications
Do people not remember that females fuck themselves too?

>>32581527
you're not female, though.

>>32580537
EMT students don't do IVs, ya dingus. That's A-EMT up to paramedic who do those, unless you were just spiking the bag

>>32581372
No.

>>32581429
Shes actually really good. Practice makes perfect.
I fucked her a few more times actually. First chubby/fat girl and she was a good fuck.

>>32581029
Same

>>32581519
chicago?

>>32581576

hahaha no, on the east coast

>>32581564
And
>>32580065
Here.

As a general note, all nurses and the like are total whores.

>>32580635

>I fucking hate you so much that I decided to tattoo it on my body
>BUT BE NICE TO ME WHEN I NEED YOU

Nazis are the new SJW.

>>32581519
Hate presumptuous fucking pricks like that. Took wife to ER for stomach pains and they couldn't find anything so assumed she wanted pills. I know she wasn't faking and hates drugs.

She was diagnosed with Crohns later, something not easily detectable.

>>32581620
I realized I should really go for a chick in the medical field on account of them making good money. Thanks for the heads up.

>>32581647

She Jewish?

>>32581029

>Despite being useless trailer trash and easily replaceable at my unskilled job, I am worth more than the highly skilled surgeon caring for me, and he should be removed from society

Makes total sense

>>32579120

Not /k/ related but still fun

>patient comes into ER complaining of acute bowl pain
>Admits putting something up ass (not the first time admitted to ER for foreign body, in body)
>X-Ray shows a 60w household light bulb
>Person had managed to lube a lightbulb and insert the round glass part while holding onto threaded metal base
>In the excitement of the moment had accidentally let go of base and went into ass
>Official time of visit was 7pm on a Saturday
>Surgery team on-call (not Lvl 1 trauma facility) for life threatening cases
>Doctor admits patient and has them wait in med-surg unit until MONDAY MORNING for an extraction.

So this person sat with a light bulb in their ass for 36hrs because the Doc was afraid trying to pull it out would shatter it.

>>32581672
No prob. Girl let me do anything I wanted to her.
But remember that there is a reason they are like that

>>32581541
Are you guys even old enough to discover porn?
There's no shame in understanding how sex works. The ones in ER with things up their ass didn't.

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>>32580635
The non-Jew doctors and nurses will treat you like shit, too. Because fuck the nazis.

>>32580635
>everyone wants to be a gangster until it's time to do gangster shit

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>>32581750

>>32581362
>>parents too poor to divorce
Let me guess, your whore mother wants to take as much shit as she can just so she can get back at daddy one more time before the spousal support checks come in.

>>32581694
Stop lying on the internet

>>32581677
We are both white and not trashy. I guess ER docs just see people looking to score pain pills they're quick to jump to that conclusion.

>>32581679
>how to spot the jew: the post
lmao

>>32579120
.22 tend to be very dangarous simply because they dont pack alot of punch

making it easier for them to get stuck and bounce around alot inside people

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>>32581439
Believe it or not anon, there are lots of /k/omrades who aren't homosexuelles.

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>>32581746
okay there Mr. I'm totally not an anti-white white-guilt cuckold with some Jew wife I haven't realized isn't worth the trouble yet

>>32581736
I was thinking of going after a pharmacist. Although a guy has been trying to hook me up with his nurse daughter.

>>32581760
It's alright man. Not everyone grows up with decent parents who love each other. Some people have tattoos.

>>32581899
Going by the chubby nurse I fucked, hes probably trying to hook you up with her because hes done fucking her.

>>32581846
I don't fucking believe you, I've seen innawoods threads

>>32581914
Did you miss the part where he said "daughter"?

>>32581869
>If you're not a nazi you're a cuck

don't you have more of your failed regime to felate, krautsucker?

>ONLY THE STRONG ARE ALLOWED TO PROSPER
>Get your asses kicked
>Th-that doesn't count
>Literally "WOW IT TOOK THREE OF YOU TO KILL ME" your way through debate and discussion

>>32581931
Nope.
I read it.

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>>32581952
oh...

>>32581964
Yeah....

Fun fact: in terms of fatality/incapacitations per gunshot wound .22lr has the same rate as .357.

Might be due go most of these wkunds being close range accidents, or damage caused by the round bouncing around inside them.

Also was it a regular round or an anti varmint hollowpoint?

>>32581334
>guy wanted to committ suicide and donate his meat sacks
>HURR WE GOTTA SAVE HIM
what's the point?

>>32579120
>gagging like shes in an orgy
Welp,
unzip.jpg

>>32581527
There are no girls on the internet

>>32581547
Apparently EMT-IV isnt a thing where you are

>>32581786
WASP as fuck

It's just funny watching the absolute trash of society get preachy about "muh social parasites" etc. Nazis, or BLM, or fat purple haired feminists - it's always the biggest fucking losers that complain the most, and yet it's their disappearance that would be the most beneficial.

>>32582092
>WASP
literally worse than jews.

>>32581317
>it makes sure they don't get sucked in.
Jesus Christ, he gave himself a sucking ass wound?

>>32582151
White Anglo-Saxon Protestants are worse than Jews?

>>32582151
WASP here.

I can confirm.

>>32582185
are you saying they aren't? eternal anglos are behind most of the world's problems.

>>32581245
NC? I was born there.

>>32581647
>dad has kidney stone
>walks into the ER
>Hello, I have a kidney stone and the pain is indescribable
>barely keeping his shit together
>he asks for a specific type and size of painkiller because he's a medfag
>gets told to fuck off
>promptly passes out
>ER realizes maybe they should do their jobs

I get being suspicious, but there's suspicious and there's"having an excuse"

>>32582197

Are you sure? We built this continent, and conquered and managed big chunks of every other. You speak English for a reason.

>>32582397
>We built this continent
that's why it's shit.

>>32579120
.22 is the silent killer when it comes to firearms. I still love them though.

>>32582490
Please return to your mother country. You'll clearly enjoy it more.

>>32582490
yeah sure, head on over to africa, or the middle east. it is so much better in places where whites don't rule

>>32581694
i used to watch Scrubs too

>>32580635
>loads of swastikas and nazi themed tats, and I'm afraid I'm going to be injured then some big nosed kike doctor see the tattos and injects injects me with zyklon-b or whatever
But I thought the gas chambers were a myth?
checkmate /pol/tard

>>32582198
Rocky Mount VA

>>32581075
>You haven't injected a marijuana before?
My friend Bekky snorted it at a party once and died instantly.

>>32581029
>Yes but the kikes deserved it, I don't
/pol/tards everyone.

>>32581222
>how does dildo-in-ass even happen?
When an asshole and a dildo love each other very much, the dildo goes into the asshole. If you sit on it, or just push too far, it can slip inside the sphincter, which likes to close. At that point, it's just a little hard to remove but still possible to remove if you're not too much of an idiot, which people dildos stuck in their ass often are idiots.

If it goes up too far, it can turn a bit, the rectum isn't a straight pipe and there's places to get stuff stuck on.

>rectum? Damn near killed him!

>>32581564
>I fucked her a few more times actually. First chubby/fat girl and she was a good fuck.
I hope you learned to use condoms at last

>>32582312
I've had bad experiances like that also

>be right out of highschool
>decide to buy a mountain board
>proceed to wreck back in my woods
>shoulder clearly fucked, has a massive lump where it should be straight
>mom drives bumpest road to ER
>walk in, talking and acting fine
>have to fight with them to cut my shirt off, they said I could just slip out of it
>walk back for xray cause "lol its my arm not my legs, I dont need a wheel chair"
>get back to room with one nurse asking questions like usual
>asks if Ive ever had any pain meds like Vicodin
>tell her yea but it doesn't work for me and I'll need something stronger
>get glared at from her cause they dont like 18yr olds saying meds don't work
>head nurse comes in holding a piece of paper
>Says she knows why I had them cut the shirt off
>its a copy of my xray where you can see my collar bone is in at least 4 big chunks
>nurse that was glaring jumps up and says she'll got grab me something stronger.

She ended up bringing back Percs which barely take the edge off. They never account for the fact that pain meds work less for people with high pain tolarnces.

I had to have surgery and got a plate and 7 screws put in.

>>32582003
>anti varmint hollowpoint?
I hadn't realised that these were a thing, what is going to be left of a squirrel after a hollowpoint hits it?

>>32582505
This desu. People are less careful with it because
>only .22
and forget that it's still a gun and can, in fact, harm someone.

>>32582797
not much

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLKzxyDbKyI

>>32582797
>you don't need a .22 righ-full anon, you'll blow that skwerrel in half!!

you need this here .17 caliburr for that squirrel

>>32582697
Oh my gosh anon how do you know so much about the anus that's like so gay dude no one wants to hear that LOL faget XDDD

That hurt to type

>>32582797
meant to post this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3S4Fl3180g

>>32581914
>>32581931
>>32581952
>>32581964
>>32581973
I'm pretty sure he's not fucking his daughter. And either way she is pretty hot . . .

>>32580635
>injects injects me with zyklon-b

If you didn't deserve it for being a nazi scumbag piece of trailer trash dogshit, you deserve it for your colossal idiocy. Why would they carry a gaseous cyanide based pesticide in liquid injectable form in an ER?

>Be me paramagician
>Call to OD
>Narcan that bitch start ventilating
>Still nothing bust another nut of narcan in her
>Nothing still
>Keep pumping that BVM
>Suddenly she errupts like a volcano
>Vomit everywhere in my face
>She rips out the OPA coughing
>Proud of my self pulled her out just before she went down the drain
>Covered in puke but still proud
>She turns to me and say "Thank you so much, by the way I have Hep C"
>Awwwh fuck time for the cocktail
>Off work for a month bed ridden.

>>32583040
>Why would they carry a gaseous cyanide based pesticide in liquid injectable form in an ER?
To euthenize nazis obviously.

>>32583040
do everyone a favor and fuck off to reddit, dipshit.

>>32583096
>do everyone a favor and fuck off to reddit, dipshit.
Anon will go right after you go back to /pol/

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>>32583040
>hello im new here, just want to get to know everyone

t. reddit

>>32583110
>blatant samefagging
lmao

>>32583051
fucking love narcan stories. Saw a newbie fire medic push a full 2mg to a big biker looking motherfucker, sat straight up and punched his lights out.

>>32583205
Same m8 same

I have about 2 OD calls a shift, fent is running rapid here. It's always funny to see a newb watch someone wake up quick.

>>32583229
seeing a lot of OD's here too, guess its that time of year when everyone wants to stay inside and shoot up. .5 usually gets them breathing again so i havent had an incident in quite a while

>>32582151

In for WASP worse than Jews

It's funny the Jews get all the hate and it's actually us controlling the media, banks, and utilities.

>>32581761
Seven years working in a hospital. Most days are boring but every once in awhile something interesting or stupid happens

>>32582547
Thats an episode?!? Maybe it's where the dumbshit got the idea from

>>32583282
>its that time of year when everyone wants to stay inside and shoot up
Christmas is suicide season.

>>32583386
Jews control the media and banks tho

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>>32583965
>Jews control the media and banks tho
pic related
>We'll tell them the jews did it!

>>32583040
I assume, he was using exaggeration to comical effect, my autistic comrade

>>32582312
>kidney stone

Went through that particular slice of heaven about 2 months ago. It's an amazing, special kind of pain.

>>32580654
Fuck you

>>32581238
Funny you should say that. My daughter's name is above my left pec.

>>32582697
>t. reddit

>>32581185
Because this is who I am

>>32581746
actually they'll be on my side, studies show that the majority of intelligent people are racist. Example: Rwandan genocide

Why is everyone here such a fucking faggot? Why are you all bullying me for who I am? Every single response was negative when I was just showing my concern. Shame on you

>>32583965
J.P. Morgan, WASP
John D. Rockefeller, WASP
Henry Wells & William Fargo, WASPs both

>>32584144
To be fair, we'll have to grant him Janet Yellen.

>>32584248

I did last year. It got stuck sideways in my ureter. 11/10 hurt so bad I puked multiple times.

>>32580654
Nigger detected

>>32579159
On the upside you can use any piece of plastic to seal it.

>>32584653
>he thinks you inject zyklon b

>>32582092
>Nazis, or BLM, or fat purple haired feminists - it's always the biggest fucking losers that complain the most
Yep. Don't bother pointing that out to most people on /k/ though.

>>32584617
>J.P. Morgan, WASP
>John D. Rockefeller, WASP
>Henry Wells & William Fargo, WASPs both

They're all dead you idiot

>>32582198

Used to date a girl from rocky Mount, NC. We lived thousands of miles away from there though, but I did go home with her several times.

Nothing really to add, just feeling nostalgic about it. Good times. Nice girl.

>>32582035
the point is that the government owns your body, and you're not allowed to destroy government property without extenuating circumstances and specific permissions. Since property law is the foundation of society, there are many rules against terminating life aka government property. You can't kill strangers. You can't kill loved ones. You can't kill family members. You're not even supposed to kill criminals (unless you are the government, in which case the monopoly on violence makes capital punishment the reserve of the state). What on earth would make you think you're allowed to kill yourself?

I mean, how the fuck they going to collect 70+ years of taxes off you if you destroy the taxable property?

>>32579327
>scraped the bottom of his collarbone
Bruh remind yourself of the anatomy of the lung apices
>inferior aspect of middle 1/3 of clavicle
>is not a real doctor
>le .22 meme

>>32584758
3edgy5me

>>32581439
thats why the dragon dildos have such big bases, so when your taking that werewolf cock up the puss it doesent slip in and cant get out because of that knot.

>>32584788
Are you fucking retarded mate?
go back and read
>bullet fucking exploded in his chest

>>32581334
brain is an iffy proposition.
better to just plug the heart and die for sure rather than have some sick fuck doctor put you on life support for weeks with mold growing in your headwound as they peddle your organs one by one.

>>32584573
Because we're American, moron.
We didn't want to fight in WWII because of Japan.

>>32582912
That second shot sends that p-dog out like a fucking rocket.

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>>32584573

>Why are you all bullying me for who I am?

Says the fucking nazi! Holy shit!

D-do you need a safe space?

>>32584651
Fun stuff isn't it anon? I had two suckers stuck in me at once and they decided to wait 2 weeks before I needed surgery to get em out. And that didn't work so I had a nice tube in my side for a month before my next surgery that actually got them.

>>32580940
dude, that's probably the first or second most common semi .22 out there

>>32580635
>it's another /k/ takes the obvious bait episode

>>32582092
can confirm
I got a buddy who believes all the spirit cooking and child trafficking conspiracy theories and actually calls for genocide of the jews
he wasn't always that way, it used to just be 9/11 truther and JFK
he only got into it heavy when he flunked out of college, was unemployed for almost a year, and took to the bottle

>>32580268
I work in medical field. Can confirm the dark humor. People are hilariously stupid.

>>32582772
>come in trying to make tough guy faces saying he's totally alright, acting "normal"
>too stupid to figure out how to take his shirt off without moving one shoulder
>shoots the aide a bitchy look for not carting him everywhere in a wheelchair
>autstically explains to the medical professionals in the room that his high pain tolerance means he needs "stronger medicine"
>they pick a different pain med and give it to you
>"Yeah kid, it's stronger."
>give him a proportionally smaller dose of Percocet than intended to give him of vicodin because he was being a little faggot the whole time

Hey I'm the head of respiratory at my hospital. are you me? >>32579120

>>32581296
Shouldn't it be a tramp stamp above a girls arse ?

>>32585877
There is pretty strong evidence that child sex trafficking is more common even in the west than previously known.

>>32580654
Hello nigger

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>>32582177

>>32582772
do you ever get the plate taken out?
isn't it pointless after it is healed?
I've always wondered this

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>>32582772

you sound like a faggot

>>32586059
I meant specifically the pizzagate crap

>>32585647
>Have chronic kidney stones
>Last bout happened in summer
>Go to doc's and tell them "hey I got stones again gimme them sweet sweet norcos"
>They do x-rays and a CT
>"Mr. Anon, I'm afraid you have 4 stones. Of course we can prescribe an opiate pain reliever."
>Get faded every day for a month waiting to pass the stones, life is not sweet but at least less than terrible
>Wait, these aren't passing...
>Schedule ultrasound removal, have to wait 2 weeks for a lithotripsy
>Day of the surgery the doc straight up dies in a car crash on the way in
>A couple stones migrate to lower tract where they can't be zapped
>"Well you can wait, or we can go up and dig them out"
>"What do you mean, 'go up?' What is that?"
>"Well, you can find out firsthand in a week when we do it."
>Doc actually shows up for this one
>Can distinctly remember shit talking the south as they anesthatized me
>Wake up with a length of what appears to be fishing line hanging out of my dong
>"Yeah that's a stent you'll need for a couple days, let me know if you start pissing a lot of clots"
>For the next 3 days, pissing is exactly like getting a knife to the urethra all the way up into my abdomen
>End up with a perforated ureter and an abdominal infection after removal
>tfw I win every kidney stone story contest ever

Feels...something, man.

>>32586159
Fucking great. Wonderful. >>32584248
here. First time kidney stoner. Mine showed up on Nov 7, lasted until about the 11th. Popping Norcos and Oxycodone like Skittles. Yes, the election was surreal. I just thought it was the drugs.

Then, suddenly, the pain was gone. I figured my pea gravel had passed. Went in for an X-ray couple weeks later, heard nothing about it until after NYE. Routine appointment, doc tells me it's still there and I need surgery. Fuck.

>>32586062
Hello retard

That doesn't mean anything to someone who isn't black

>>32584573

You're a retarded fag that deserves all the pain when mr goldstein is responsible for saving your life in an emergency

Not even your shitty naziboo cult leaders have any tattoos.

And they're controled by the state's intel agencies, btw

Have a good one...

>>32584573
Are you trying to imply that the Hutus were intelligent?

Because that whole episode was created and underscored by extreme racism.

FFS, sort your shit out.

>>32580020
>Bro tier neonatal nurse here
>at the nurse desk filling out papers for the doctor.
>banged the doctor recently because she's a solid 9:10 but she has her bitchy days
>she's finishing up with a consult as I notice this woman being wheeled over to where I stand.
>trail of what I want to call black blood dripping from wheelchair and she's clutching her belly
>dropbwhat im doing and rush over ask what's going on.
>woman's brother panicking about how she got in a car accident on the way here after her water broke.
>page doc take her to empty room and get things set up.
>not even a year on the job and me and the head nurse get everything ready just in time as the doctor shows
>she takes a long ass look at things and decides emergency c section from the ultrasound.
>get to be a stand in with my supervisor on the emergency c section, the second time for me which is fun.
>during everything little human hand grabs my pinky and the doctor pauses to watch as the baby pretty much is holding onto my finger the whole time during the process
>healthy little girl is now my main ward in the nicu for a few days before we send her home.
>go back to fucking the doc.

The mom was okay but nothing special.

>>32581337
*bu dum tss*

>>32586521
Another one for you because of my ER training shifts before I picked up peds/neonatal

>going over things with my boss first day in the field pretty excited and ready to show off and jump into things
>hosp is completely dead it's almost scary
>only a few calls nothing serious
>stitches for a kid who hurt himself with a skateboard, a guy with some dehydration, the local drugstore shoppers etc.
>phone rings and Bossman takes call. He gets wide eyed and smiles
> hangs up and chuckles (he's in his late 40's) "Time to earn those scrubs bub!."
>pages all available trauma and ER doctors due to prison riot
>get excited
>ambulance shows up with loaded up with four sheriffs sitting in the back.
>black eyes, a couple split lips, lost tooth, dislocated jaw on one and a few broken fingers.
>give Bossman a glare before helping the pigs out.

>>32586159
at least you're rich from the malpractice suit now

>>32582086
>EMT-IV
Uh, no, it isn't. You'd be talking about Advanced EMT (A-EMT), which I can't find a fucking class for within 100 miles.

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>>32586317
>Top members of nazi cults hold positions in intelligence agencies
>The agencies are the ones in charge guys

I wouldn't be so sure about who controls who, my friend.

>bring buddy to ER because nail through his hand, dont even ask how, not even he knows
>sit there for like 10 minutes in the waiting room
>some dude with his finger bone sticking out where no finger bone should ever be comes in
>sits in waiting room for 2 hours
> goes to another hospital because too much waiting
>spend another 3 hours in waiting room until they attend my friend

The finger dude said he wanted a new finger but got a napkin instead.

>>32584573
>Why are you all bullying me for who I am?

I sexually Identify as a neo-Nazi. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of vandalizing synagogues and moaning on Stormfront about disgusting Hebrews. People say to me that a person being a Nazi in the current year ignores history and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a Stuka dive bomber siren, 88 mm cannons and Insane Clown Posse tattoos all over my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Oberstormbahnfuhrer” and respect my right to blame a vast Jewish conspiracy for my own personal failings. If you can’t accept me you’re a fasciphobe and need to check your Western liberal privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

>>32580153
>going to the ER because something is in your ass that isn't life threatening

...do people not realize that the asshole has a singular purpose of pushing shit from the colon to the outside of the body? What did he think was going to happen? It would worm its way up his GI track and suffocate him?

>>32580635
post tats

>>32585450
but we didn't want to fight ww2, in fact was certain people that incited the gov to action, that and pearl H, but we'll leave conspiracies for later

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>>32580268

keep the /pol/(politically incorrect discussion) in /pol/


do not respond to political comments

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>>32580665
>TFW an image you made shows up on /k/ later on

>>32586159
.....unfortunately... my dad probalby has one better.

>2011, november
>my dad's got kidney stones bad
>Take him to the hospital, ER eventually admits him, they plan to deal with it the next morning a bit before noon, surgery
>I have a meeting to go to, consider blowing it off, my dad says fuck that go to your meeting
>go to meeting, call and check in with dad, surgery got rescheduled to the next day
>K then, nothing we can do about that, shrug, go home
>get a cal at 4 in the morning by my mom... she's 4 states away at a confrence, morning shift came in to check on dad, found him unresponsive
>septic shock, everything's going bad
>he gets transferred to ICU and is put into a medically induced coma while they get everything rebalanced
>I at some point nearly go off the deep end and shoot my room-mate's brother for trying to make off with some of my stuff, thankfully do not pull the trigger
>March.. maybe april 2012, my dad actually wakes up
>still not out of the woods, but getting better, eventually gets moved to long term care, first place is a hell hole, smells of stagnation
>transfer to a different long term care place, much better, a few surgeries happen, he gets a stent, for some stuff, and is improving greatly and the stones are dealt with
>get him transferred home, I end up acting as his nurse and PT guy at their house over the course of summer and part of fall, almost skip the next semester of college but he insists I finish off my AS.
>I fucking hate bedpans and will probably shoot someone if someone suggests I become an CNA, even if I am decent at it, too many bad memories associated with it
>he's able to walk and do shit again
>fast forward to. January 2016, he's not so great, kinda cyclical UTI's recently, go to ER, he starts going downhill, gets very bad, very quickly, slightly septic, gets transferred to a good hospital, he recovers
[c]

>>32587337
>specialists get involved and start sorting his shit out, turns out hey that stent from almost 4 years ago? A stone grew in it and that's generally the source of the UTIs, UTIs also turn out to be resistant to almost all known forms of treatment because of the rinse repeat cycle of UTIs my dad's been going through.
>Also that Stent should have been removed years ago, they're only supposed to be temporary.
>Also three other stones.
>get all that shit sorted out
>couple months later, everything's been sorted out, old stent's been removed, temporary stent is in, take him to outpatient processing for temp stent removal.
>Everything's peachy, load up and get rolling.
>2.4 hours into 2.5 hour drive where I'm driving, my dad goes catatonic.
>probably set the new local record for "from the interstate to the local ER"
>everything is a blur, somehow manage to explain everything to the ER doctors, call mom, and then collapse in the waiting room
>dad get's stabilized and get's taken back to specialists to fix shit again.
>only in the hospital another week or so
>year later, still paranoid when driving with my dad riding shotgun and shove him awake any time he dozes off in the passenger seat.
>still trying to get my dad to take legal action against the doctor who put the stent in him and then refused to take it out when it was no longer necessary.

>>32584758
Suicide is legal tho....

>>32580665
Was the first guy a chink student? I swear they can't fly for shit. I flew into a small airport with 2 runways and one guy was using the wrong runway

>>32586159
They went up my dick the first surgery and the claw or whatever kept bouncing off a stone and piercing my ureter so they had to pull out. Then they stuck a needle into my kidney and down the ureter while I was awake, shit hurts yo. Now anything else that hurts isn't as bad so I guess I got something out of it.

>>32579159
Meh not that bad once you know how to deal with it.
>Occlusive dressings
>Needle decompression as needed

You can survive on one lung (a lot of cancer patients I see on my work do). What's worse than a pneumothorax (tension or otherwise) is a hemothorax (instead of air the pleural space fills up with blood and it's harder to drain).

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>>32588597
So you're basically torture proof.

>>32588922
Fuckin right, never thought of it that way.
Also if you ever have a doctor go down your dickhole avoid getting a stiffy for a week or so unless you like the feeling of a knife being jammed down your pipe .

>>32583089
This. I keep some in my counter-RAHOWA bag for tactical irony.

>>32581297
Don't fly like a retard and it makes it near impossible for other retards to hit you.

>>32587127
You had best believe that I saved this pic.

>>32582151
ive never been fucked working for teh j00z. its always when im working for a fucking catholic that i have to worry about getting shafted constantly.

>>32582772
Ever wake up during surgery or feel the surgery as it's happening but unable to move or emote? People with very high Natural pain thresholds often encounter this under anesthetic and it sounds hellish.

>>32581641
Hippocratic oath.
If a nigger came in to my hospital I'd care for him like any other patient.

.22lr is very, very mean

>>32589578
Not him, but I woke up while under anesthetic getting my wisdom teeth removed. Kinda spooky, could feel them pulling on my teeth. At least it wasn't anything terrifying like open heart surgery. After about 30 seconds the assistant noticed I was awake and knocked me back out.

Franklin County?

>>32581245
I'm up the mountain from you on Callaway Rd. The world is too small.

>>32580623
Pretty much is.
>drug the guy for "safety"
>14ga needles are fucking humongous because pain

>>32589267
Not really.

Passenger for this one, but I had my parked/idling plane get T-boned by some dumbshit in a crop duster at a regional airport. Put like 10 of us in the hospital and totally shrekt the plane I was on (whatever twin prop puddle-jumper 20-seater Delta Connection was using) and the guy was only going like 30kn while taxi'ing.

>>32587831
No, it's fucking not.
>succeed and forfeit any life insurance or government benefits to both you and your family (including tax refunds, death gratuities, unpaid wages, etc) to the government
>fail and get locked up because attempted suicide is illegal in 47 of 50 states and all territories and DC, any healthcare not covered under ANY insurance plan

>>32582197
Different guy but I'm definitely saying they aren't.

Let's see here. In order of most issues caused by populace:
>blacks
>slavs
>chinese asians
>white catholics
>jews
About the only thing you can blame WASPs with is the Brit colonial escapades in Africa and India, and even then that's "blame" as it did far more good than harm.

Both WW1 and WW2 were started by Catholics btw, and the only two western countries that weren't predominantly Catholic in both populace and government were the US and England. Even Russia was predominantly Orthodox Catholic. And if you wanna go back further to the Crusades...

>>32580556

Fuckhuge IV just to fuck with the pt

This didn't happen and OP isn't the head of respiratory.

t. actual head of respiratory at Sharp Chula Vista.

>>32581342
You're a fucking retard.

t.Tattooed guy.

>>32589578
i remember very vague uncomfortable feeling when i was having one of my fingers set back into position when i had smashed it off a wall

>>32589578
I had my appendix rupture in college. Didn't give me the normal "hey you have appendicitis pain", it felt more like really bad bloating and was in the middle of my gut. Had ruptured 2-3 days before I passed out in anatomy class and got ambulance'd.

My blood pressure was too low for general anesthesia (72 over 10) so they gave me an epidural and gutted me. Awake for the whole thing. Only really felt them tugging around on shit.

Since I was septic they cut the greater omentum nearly completely off and just dumped everything into a giant bowl and hosed it off before resecting both intestines and removing my gall bladder.

>>32581337
BOOOOOOOOO

>>32584490
Hope you guys don't break up, that'd be pretty awkward.

>>32581238
My grandpa's been married for 41 years, he's got tattoos.

>>32582697
I've never panicked when I get things stuck up my ass, worst case I need to shove my hand up there, sit on my wrist, and play catch the frog- if that doesn't work I take a suppository laxative and play the waiting game. Only once when I shoved twelve of those tiny clementine oranges up and around the curve of the large intestine, legit the deepest one was halfway to my appendix, and waiting turned into a mild creeping pain, was I ever worried that I'd have to suffer the embarrassment of an urgent care visit- turns out I just shat very pulpy orange juice the next morning and learned the power of my ass.

>>32580654
Sup nigger

>>32588505
>Was the first guy a chink student? I swear they can't fly for shit. I flew into a small airport with 2 runways and one guy was using the wrong runway
China has very poor flight training infrastructure, they nearly all go to the US to learn.

>>32586694
look it up dipshit. EMT IV is a separate certification that allows an EMT to do, you guessed it, venipuncture. this is part of the AEMT scope, but you'll find a lot of fire EMT's with and IV cert and no AEMT.

>>32579120

What hospital?

>>32584573
Welcome to 4chan you fucking nigger. If you've just gotten here from r/the_donald or some other site, then I would recommend lurking /pol/ or /b/ for at least two years before posting on one of 4chan's worksafe boards (with the possible exception of /v/). "Worksafe" boards are easily identifiable since they default to a blue color scheme. Thank you for your cooperation and happy lurking.

>>32581694
That doesn't sound like a very bright idea.

>>32586813
>>32587127
truly an excellent thread

>>32580940
It's a true story anon.
I don't get that some of you guys don't think it will kill, I get it that it's not a good SD round. That doesn't mean it will not kill, especially when there are 8 of them in your torso.
And I get it the meme but come on

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>>32590859
Topkek

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>>32584573
welcome to 4chan, now get the fuck out

>>32581222
Your ass is a vacuum. Ass toys are flared or attached to strings to get them out. He was using his wife's pussy dildo

>>32589899
then you're in the minority.

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>>32588848
Had a pneumothorax once.
At first I didn't think it was anything serious. I never had pneumonia before so I thought that strange feeling in my chest and short breath were signs of me catching pneumonia. After about a week I went to a doctor and after about an hour later I was in a hospital.

You can definitely survive on one lung , you just take really shallow fast breaths and your heart rate is about +30 BPM at all times .
Worst thing about it all was getting the tube into my chest and the first 2 days when you can still feel the machine
s u c c in your chest . Every pump is uncomfortable.

>>32580654
nigger

>>32585945
You havent broken many bones or been to the ER often have you?
>>32586071
Since the collar bone isnt weight bearing the plate will just stay in. When people get plates in their leg bones, they usually come out after a couple years.
>>32586088
Quite the opposite, that time got me a good bit attention from a lot of girls trying to "make me feel better" if ya know what I mean. Still use the scar and metal plate to help pick up chicks.
>>32589578
No havent had that happen, but do need almost a triple dose of Novocaine for it to work.

>>32586159

brb drinking more water


a lot more water..

>>32592766
you're scaring me i'm going to go drink a glass right now

>>32581756
I always think this is star wars fan art and that is boba Fett wrecking someone when I see this thumbnail.

>>32592803
>>32592766
>1 glass of water a day
Enjoy your kidney stones

>Under the usual conditions of life, 3 – 4 liters of fluids a day will provide 2.5 to 3 liters of urine volume, and this is enough. The average healthy adult bladder holds about 1/2 liter, so this means 7 – 9 bathroom trips in 24 hours.

>>32592766
screw that, I'm drinking water half'd out with cranberry juice

>>32592766
>>32592803
Hope you don't live somewhere with a lot of minerals in the water.

>>32581647
>Crohns...something not easily detectable
And you're hating on the ER people because...why?

>>32580153

Yeah, bullshit they called his wife if the dude was conscious and under his own power.

Either you're lying or your mom is.

>>32590419
>only going like 30kn while taxi'ing.

What in the actual fuck was he thinking? I guess I agree there, but my point still stands since I said not to fly like a retard. You weren't flying yet!

A few days ago a Gulfstream at the FBO I work at wingtip-fucked the radome of a GLEX open while being told to stop by linemen on both sides of him. Pilots (no offense, I'm one as well) are fucking retarded on the ground by an order of magnitude more than in the air.

>>32586159
I pissed a tiny one out a few months ago, 4.5 mm. Felt like my whole urethra was being ripped to shreds from the inside.

>>32580550
This is why women should own guns

Be me on nov 9th this year
>working micu
>prisoner is brought in
>black male mid 30s
>asks whos our president
>i have panic mode face
>tell him trump
>guy starts hooting and making loud noises
>shouts "MAH NIGGA"
>big smile on my face as i look at the nurse taking vitals

>>32591552
Carilion Memorial

>>32581694
Nigga, I wanna know how the fuck did someone managed to hold that lightbulb intact, without it getting shattered.

>>32584248
My wife had 'em last summer. Said the pain was just like childbirth.

>>32594723
holy shit you made me remember
>RN at local hospital
>do jack diddily shit all day everyday
>prisoner brought in
>fucker was stabbed in the stomach twice
>obviously on drugs
>they wheel him by me
>his eyes dart to me
>even with the officers holding him, giga nigga sits up
>DESE NIGGAS GON KILL ME, HELP ME, DEY GONE KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>i still hear the screams as he is wheeled into another hallway
>giga nigga made it
>im there the day they dispatch back to prison
>eyes dart to me again as he is in cuffs heading to a transport car
>"yo i was wrong mah nigga"

>>32585555
quads don't lie

>>32584573
>why are you bullying me for who I am

Bitch you're a fucking nazi, thats what you are fucking based around doing

>>32582772
>walk in, talking and acting fine
>tell her yea but it doesn't work for me and I'll need something stronger
Yeah, I don't really blame them for giving you the side eye.

>They never account for the fact that pain meds work less for people with high pain tolerances
Because pain tolerance is an easy thing to quantify, right?

>>32580020
I've worked in assorted hospitals for several years, but only seen a few /k/-related things.

>guy hauled into the ER
>has buckshot in his upper chest, left arm, and right leg

Turned out he got into some altercation in a bar parking lot and a dude actually pulled a shotgun out of his vehicle and started blasting the fucker. I can't help but assume drugs were involved. Guy survived but he was fucked up pretty fiercely.

That was also the day I learned "assault with shotgun" has its own diagnosis code.

Other related things I've seen come through our ER:
>guy attacked with a fucking hatchet, struck in the head but survived
>girl who tried to kill herself by slicing up her inner arms from wrist to elbow, don't know whether she made it or not
>guy who tried to kill himself by jumping from a vehicle going ~65 mph on the highway, being run over by a following vehicle, and having no injuries other than some lacerations and a concussion

That kind of shit makes me almost believe in a higher power.

On the lighter side, I just had a guy 2 days ago who came in after being knocked off his motorcycle by a car. He wasn't too badly hurt, but his insurance guy zoomed out there in a van, didn't see him, ran him over as he pulled up, and broke both his legs. Can't make this shit up sometimes.

>>32587251
Would reclaim Crimea with

>be me a few years ago
>deer suicides on my motorcycle on my way home one night
>Cop driving literally behind me saw everything and called EMT
>I'm okay considering I was going 45mph
>Full gear except pants so only had road rash on knees
> Was still in nursing school at the time so I assessed myself
>Clavicle obviously broken but nothing else
>EMT shows up and assesses me again
>Tell her my clavicle is broken
>She says no it's not, I say yes it is but she won't believe me says I'm just sore from the crash
>Whatever, refuse Hospital and go home
>Go to doc the next day for x-rays
>Broken
>Don't trust EMTs anymore

>>32594795
Kek mode activated!

>>32580153
laxatives turn your shit to water faggot stop doctors would never do that

>>32584573
>Because this is who I am
And we have a right to hate you for it. Fuck natsoc and your 1984 utopia.

Welcome to America, where freedom is alive and neither terrorists nor libshits will scare us out of it.

>>32590451
show me someone who is currently in prison for attempted suicide.

>>32592424
i had 7

>>32595338
>Implying freedom has long to live when there are retarded boomers begging us to import hordes of mudslimes whose core religious tenet is "torture and/or kill everyone who doesn't think, believe, and act exactly like us"

You're right that freedom is alive in America, but that's largely because intelligent men do the hard work of setting limits on the excesses of bleeding heart morons.

>>32592978
>there's hard water stains on my cup

please

>>32579120
GSWs are never standard. Theyre either total nonsense or balls to the wall insane
>30year old cholo guy got lit up in a bar
>multiple entrance and exit wounds
>.38 revolver and a .40 as well as knife wounds
>blood, tits and ass everywhere
>guy is chill as can be, super nice, vitals are damn perfect
>his kidney was hit, lung got punctured but didnt collapse, liver was slashed

>lates 60s male with elf inflicted GSW
>Accidently shot his hand with a .22 revovler
>half his hand is gone and his BP is in the tank by the time we got there
>within a minute of being there we were already having to get ready to tube him

>18 year old kid who got shot by his friend with a .270
>in the chest
>entrance wound with no exit
>round perfectly richocet around all vital organs and all that came from it was some light surgery to remove the bullet and overnight monitoring

And my personal favorite
>neighbor calls because she thinks hes committed suicide
>look through window and sure enough there he is laying on the floor with a gun in his hand
>gain entry
>house smells like gunpowder
>theres some blood on the ground
>he jolts up and starts freaking out
>calm him down and find out what happened
>hes been taking a shit ton of benadryl to fight off allergies
>was cleaning his gun while super drowsy
>hand got caught in slide
>that explains the blood
>10min later he has an ND that hit the wall
>states he must've passed out afterwards

>>32595664
>benadryl
more likely he was seeing shadow people and spiders everywhere and shot one and got slide bite, but was too embarrassed to admit he was purposefully tripping

>>32585555
>>Why are you all bullying me for who I am?
>Says the fucking nazi! Holy shit!
>D-do you need a safe space?
But he was born this way!

>>32592457
Having been shot with a SAPI plate on, shot without a SAPI plate and broken a collar bone, I'd rather get shot again. Cool story tho, bro.

Also, you're obviously closeted.

These stories are small time

When I was in fifth grade I broke my foot (read: shattered) playing soccer or some shit on a school night. I was in a state-wide spelling bee the next day and didn't want to miss it so I sucked it up and didn't say shit to my parents. Went to the spelling bee the next day and won, then told my parents about the foot. Scanned my foot at the ER, which had pieces of bones fragmented all around, cast, whole nine yards.

>tfw spelling bee champ and a leg cast made me a pussy magnet in fifth grade

>>32586756
>denial
Most of the 'leaders' of white power movements are FBI informants. Any time one of you crackers gets too likely to blow something up, they'll shop you. Sine if them are trying to avoid their own charges from the stupid shit they did when they were like you, others are pure opportunists and the rest are being blackmailed for the times they've already been an informant.

Nationalist movements attract terrible people because you only need one qualification to join and it's full of suckers who easily believe retarded things. It's great for psychopaths and aspiring conmen, an unbelievably rich hunting ground full of idiots who unfortunately tend not to be well off because they're idiots. Still, if you want followers then it's great.

>>32595925
>>>/trash/

>>32586816
>the asshole has a singular purpose of pushing shit from the colon to the outside of the body
Stuff that isn't squishy can get stuck, the rectum is curved. Also, the lube might have worn off and it could be hard to get something big out again.


>>32587103
>we didn't want to fight ww2
The USA wanted to do all the fighting except for the shooting part for as long as possible. They practically built the soviet army and supplied a lot of the UK army. Germany didn't sink US ships because they wanted to fight the USA, they were hoping for a treaty. They eventually sank a US ship because they had no choice, they couldn't turn a blind eye to the military support provided on civilian ships. They were basically trolled into it.

>>32591021
>twelve of those tiny clementine oranges up and around the curve of the large intestine
top kek

Fruit will be ok because that will get soggy and squishy and you can force it out with muscle power, that's no problem.

>>32594795
>>"yo i was wrong mah nigga"
Admitting your mistakes is the sign of a redeemable man.

>>32595338
>Fuck natsoc and your 1984 utopia
>>32595476
>freedom is alive in America, but that's largely because intelligent men do the hard work of setting limits
So not being free makes you free?
It's almost like you think that "Freedom is Slavery".
Like some kind of say, 1984 utopia.

>>32595664
>lates 60s male with elf inflicted GSW
A shadow-run larper?
Never call them pointy-ears.

EMT stories!

>get call of SIGW
>buddies and I all rush to the truck
>we love doing this
>zoom down to the house and asses the scene
>shotgun on floor
>husband on floor
>blood on floor
>"Well shit boys
>we turn him over to get him on a stretcher to the amberlamp
>no obvious injury on head
>look at nose
>gone

Turns out the fucker was cleaning his Coachgun when he accidentally pulled the trigger and blew his nose off

Shock must've made him pass out
Their roofing is going to be a bitch

>>32583051
Hep C cocktail?

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>>32580065
>chubby
>qt3.14
>chubby
>qt
chubby

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Oops.. thought I was on /k/. Guess this is /pol/

>>32596310
fuck off to reddit. maybe someone there will care, faggot.

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>>32582151
>jews
>kicked out of 100+ countries
>somehow dindu nothing all those times
vs
>WASPS
>not jews

>>32595664
>elf inflicted GSW
around elves, watch yourselves

>>32580065
>Be in nursing school
>Finally get placed in the ER for the day
>Head nurse takes me into a room to show some fancy machine
>Mr.stiff is just laying there
>My first dead body
>Just kinda look at him for a sec
>"So, ma'am how expensive was that machine"
>Leave the room and get offered candy that nuns make and give to the staff

Shit was bomb ass milk chocolate fancy shit.

>>32580537
Kek

>>32582772
>at new dentists, maybe 10
>they have n64 with mariokart and cool kid shit like that
>go to get caps put on
>they "numb" my mouth and start working
>step 1:grind teeth
>tell them it feels like hot needles getting rammed up into my brain
>"lol you can't feel anything be quiet"
>start shrieking and writhing, held down by 2 or 3 people for the rest of the procedure

fucking hate that place, mom was irate

>fast forward to age 22
>get one cap replaced with a new one
>its now extremely sensitive to temperature and hurts whenever i have a headache
FUCK

>>32580065
Was her name Angie by any chance?

>>32596422
wow u sure showed me

>

>>32596223
Probably a prophylactic cocktail for any body substance exposure

>>32590093
Got my wisdom teeth removed last year, like a dumbass i opted to not be knocked out. Jesus Christ, the grinding and feeling of shit poking around my gums was terrible. And then the painkillers started to wear off in the middle of it.

Oh shit. I'm gonna tell you guys why I want be an EMT

>Be me like 3-4 months ago.
>Heavily addicted to synthetics.
>Be in my states only major city, raving, doing drugs.
>Get 4 hits of unknown at rave, were on the large as Fuck smartees or whatever, could only see dots of liquid on it.
>Fuck it, take 2, wait a little and feel nothing so take the other 2.
>Feel it damn near instantly after taking them, not to worried, I'm a cool degenerate fag, I can hang.
>REALLY FUCKING HITS, music is shitty so I go back to my car to wait.
>Probably like eh 80-90 degrees so I'm freaking out thinking I'm gonna over-heat and die.
>Black out temporarily. Come back walking in the streets freaking the fuck out trying to get into a cooled building cause I'm fucking dying.
>Fat black cops won't let me in. Shoulder the cunt and walk through, black out again.
>Come too in the ICU ass naked in a bed with something in my dick.
>Told I OD'd and was found ass naked in my own throw up in a hotel lobby.
>Best part is coming up, but first I need some clothes on. Also need to get out of the hospital fast.
>Call mom and get everything situated. Now I get the fucking catheter out. 1 2 3 breathe ooooouuuuutttt.
>Felt like the best piss and a snake getting pulled out of your entire cock.
>Mom arrived and now I wait to get released.
>Want me to piss to make sure everything's good.
>Hobble to bathroom and piss, halfway through my dick stops and shit you not burps and sputter and I piss a little blood.
>Die of laughter cause that was my first deef.
>Get released, told that if I wasn't found any sooner the death that I fell into would've been permanent.
>Don't know who saved me but I owe my life to an EMT
>Time to become one so I can save future dipshits like me.

>>32596876
Please tell this story at every job interview

>>32596876
call me sick, but there's always a couple times a year when you see a guy with a foley and think "serves you right cocksucker"

>>32596854

Same boat.

Fucking dentist injected my gums (fucking ow) and then fucked off for like 30 minutes. By the time he was yanking my second tooth, I could feel the pressure building in my jaw. Hard to say anything with 3 hands and a pair of piers in your mouth, though.

Never been back, either.

Really, really wish I was put under for that. Just hearing them drill my teeth is torturous.

>>32597024
Oh fucking defenitly. I was struggling with it and it got worse but I'm clean now and getting checked into rehab soon just too learn to stay away from the shit. But I feel as though if I saw someone like me while riding in the back of a wahmbalance I'd probably laugh a little cause that shit was a fucking experience.
>>32596902 I wouldn't give a shit. Having my entire family find out I was a piece of shit doesn't compare to anything else.

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>>32589578
>be in OR getting my central line removed because I finished chemotherapy
>gas me
>everything goes black
>feel intense pain in my chest
>can't open eyes yet
>I know what's happening
>just stay calm
>it hurts, but you're beeping so it'll be over soon and
>I know it hurts
>don't freak out its okay they aren't hurting you, they're fixing you
>repeat these things to myself for a minute until they get the anesthetic back up to speed and im under again
>wake up in the recovery ward
>I'm still intubated
>fuck

I once jumped out of my hummer and broke my ankle. I forgot my phone that day so I made a leg thing to keep ankle straight and drove 4 miles with a broken ankle. Needless to say Hummers are still fucking cool.

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>EMT stories

There's a few you can infer from this.

>Call my local cuddler for a cuddle date
>Set for 3pm tomorrow, she agrees to be the big spoon, and likes to hug low.
>Drive to the local burrito joint
>"Senor, mucho frijoles negros, por favor"
>Load up on burritos packed with spicy beans and trundle home
>From the moment my head hits the pillow to the time I drift off to dreamland, I can feel my bowels churning, desperately trying to contend with the monstrous meal I managed to mash down my maw.
>Wake up, ass feels as though a Mongolian invasion is trying to bash it's way through, but through sheer force of will I hold the legions of doom back.
>1pm...2pm...finally my time has come.
>She's a cute girl, about 20, short hair, an endearing streak of blue catches my eye. She giggles, "Are you ready for your cuddle sir?"
>I smile, stomach lowly protesting, but she fails to catch the warning sign.
>"Of course, please, this way"
>I lead her to the other room, couch all prepped, and lie down. She follows my lead, wrapping her petite frame around me.
>I finally lose the power to hold back the cloud of death trying to force it's way through me.
>I then stand up and with my ass directly at her and yell "FUCKING ROASTIES! REEEEEEEE!"
>More than gas escapes my puckered starfish
>A torrent of brown liquid blasts onto her once appealing face
>I continue screeching, the neighbors already pounding on the door, desperately trying to stop whatever crime against humanity they can imagine to be happening inside my apartment
>By the time the door was smashed down, everything was silent
>The entire wall were my cuddler was is completely redecorated in the finest brown stain you could ever imagine.and the smell was stronger than industrial chemical fumes.
>My bowls keeps rumbling so I turn my now spread out asshole towards the neighbors that stood in the door way and shouted "I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"
>I blast my remaining last loads directly at them coating them in delicate brown slushy shit.
>They'll never forget.

>>32586521
Thank you for your cervix

>>32579120
>not an RIP brand round
I wanted somebody to walk that dinosaur

I miss doing EMS.

I'll pitch in a story though

>Be at work on New Year's a few years ago, overnight shift
>Get raised up by dispatcher at 1:30am
>Unit 5914, proceed to 123 Some Pl for a fracture of the phallus
>5914 read... uh... but that's not a bone, dispatch. Could you check the call back?
>Caller advises that he has broken it.
>We'll check and advise, dispatch.
>Show up on scene. It's a frat house.
>Bro! They're here! They're here!
>We're escorted in by a bunch of drunk chad fratboys
>Thoroughly convinced I'm being pranked
>One of the fratboys is deathly pale white, seated on the sofa, highly intox
>Okay, so what's going on tonight?
>I broke it.
>Broke what?
>My dick.
>Sigh. Okay, no homo, let me see.
>Dude's dick has a huge hematoma forming on his dick
>Well fuck, you're not kidding. How did you do that?
>I woke up, and I had like, morning wood, right? So I went to piss, and I tried to aim it in... and I felt it pop, and it was like, broken in the middle
>cringe intensely at the image. Okay, off to the hospital with you before it falls off or something.
>get to ER
>Dispatcher had already advised them of the nature of the injury
>Greeted with a few chuckles from overly curious nurses as we wheel in our drunk fratboy

Turns out more or less what happened, is he tore his corpus cavernosum by trying to bend his dick down into the toilet, so although your boner is not a bone, it is in fact possible to break it.

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>all these EMS people on /k/
I guess it makes sense, the autism and black humor that draw people to 4chan would also help them be effective paramedics.
I just got hired yesterday.

>>32597702
This terrible story gave me hickups.

>>32589578
i've done a load of local anesthetics surgeries

>be 16ish
>have some problem in the balls
>forgot the latin name but it was basically this
> >the testicle usually is hanging from a vein (so it doesnt slip too low, the ballsac itself doest really hold it up apparently)
> >sometimes (i.e. with me) the vein doesnt go into the main vein at a sharp angle so the blood flow is somewhat hampered
> >this stretches the vein
> >thus the testicle hangs lower than it should (which is bad, can result in infertility)
>so we gotta fix that
>the fix is we tie some piece of tiny ass string around the vein so the stretching is limited
>local anesthetic
>literally lay awake and talk to the nurse while a couple feet away the doctors cut open my nutsac and tie off the vein coming from my testicle
plot twist
>the vein is tiny
>they cant get a hold of it, keeps slipping away
>after I guess ~30 minutes (dunno, I was drugged up) of fumbling they give up and just sew my nutsac closed again
>well too bad, new surgery in a few months, try a different approach

>new surgery rolls around
>the new idea is we cut open my belly, stick a tiny hose in there down the vein all the way down to the testicle, then spurt glue through it to glue the vein shut
>the blood will (well, ought to) find another way (another vein) to route through
>okay.jpg, you're the doc, doc
>local anesthetic as well
>all going fine
>at some point I have to press (like during childbirth, the doc said to me. very helpful) so the hose takes the right turn into the correct vein (doc is guiding it by ultrasound or something)
>this fixes the problem
>i hope anyway

>>32579120
>Working at a hospital
>Having time to watch Netflix

Shithole McNowhere, pop. 5 and a half?

THERE ARE SO MANY (((OVEN-DODGERS))) ITT HOLY SHIT HAHA
14ᛋᛋ88

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>>32580635

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>>32581647

>Crohns
>Your digestive tract hates you so much it makes it hard to eat gluten
>AKA the shit that is in the staple foods of all the European and West Asian world

If it's no bread or that shit where you have a hole in your stomache I'll take no bread but damned if I don't feel sorry for Crohns sufferers.

>>32598549
>being german
>sacking rome
>inventing protestantism
>importing muslims to europe

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>>32581946

>Read about history of ISIS
>Learn how inter-jihad competition/conflict has literal trolling shitposting going on online.

I Wish we had the internet back in WW2 so we could have a documented history of nazi shitposting.

>>32598455
oh and what I wanted to add to that post, now I have two more scars "down there" (in addition to the others from appendix removal and some other shit)

another one
>last year
>skiing
>going down what I believe would be equivalent to what the yanks would call a double black diamond
>(the steepest, iciest track on the whole mountain)
>doing fine, been skiing for like 15 years now
>suddenly crash face first into a friend that was with us
>while not going exactly slowly
>tumbling downhill, skis and poles unmount, limbs ragdolling around everywhere
>mustve been quite a sight
>finally stop
>yallright m8?
>yea sure, you?
>yea nothing hurting
>start collecting equipment
>well now my left knee is hurting, maybe i busted it open or something
>check it, nothing
>check right knee just to be sure even though no hurt from that leg
>pull up pant leg
>blood everywhere
>wtf.exe
>inch long cut perpendicular across the shin, gaping open easily half an inch wide because skin is under tension there
>other guy's ski must've gone over my leg, cutting skiing pants, isolation, longjohns, skin, and what little fat layer i have right down to the bone
>skis' edges are le edgy
>no pain though
>walk over to other friend who has a medkit to disinfect and bandage that shit
>hes like DUDE I can SEE your shin bone
>yea hurry the f up
>okay imma spray this desinfectant in there *psht psht* does that hurt?
>no, put more in it
>um ok *psht*
>bandage that shit
>now how do I get off this mountain?
cont.