>I could never join the military because I would kick the

>I scored too high on my ASVAB

>If I joined the military I would be a great sniper

>>32211376
>just come by the office for a few minutes
>no pressure

>>32211376
>I know all modern weapons stats and handling profiles because of CoD and Battlefield

>>32211376
I scored a "hyperlethal" rating when I tried out for the army
They sent me straight to the Navy Seals
First one in history I might add
No questions as I can't answer them due to international security

>i could easily join Delta or ST6 but I have weak ankles

>"Bro if I wasn't so fucked up on drugs I'd be there right with you!"

>"lol enjoy dying for Israel cuck"

>"I'd only be in special forces"

>>32211411
Ha! Joke's on you, I'm permanently disqualified for military service!

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>they kicked me out of Marine boot camp because I was too good at everything

Milicucks are the worst.

>>32211444
Those are nice numbers.

I am deathly allergic to bees

Is that a disqualifier?

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>I wanted to go infantry but I scored too high on my ASVAB

>"As soon as I lose weight and kick my addiction to Japanese cartoon porn I'm going to head straight to the recruiting office and snag that Option 40/18X/SEAL contract!"

>go to Marine bootcamp
>finally the day we get issued our M16A4 service rifle
>step up to the window at the armory
>Lance Corporal hands me a rifle
>"heh, I'd prefer something with more stopping power, but hey if this is what Uncle Sam wants the boys using, I guess I can deal with it."
>few weeks later we're at the range
>recommend to the Range Instructor that they put better attachments on these things
>chat it up for a minute, talking about how much you could increase aim stability with a foregrip and a comp
>he says he'll be back in a minute
>comes back with a box of parts
>"we really only let the SOCOM guys use these, but you're pretty good. So I'll let you put some of this on your rifle."
>put an AFG, IR sniper scope, and a silencer on my rifle
>score perfect on my shooting qual
needless to say, I was guide and honor graduate and went to Special Ops training right after that. Told them I didn't even want my 10 days of leave, I couldn't look at my family the same way...

>>32213178
I would be in the special forces though.
Right next to the guy that can count to potato.

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>I won't sign my life away (for a few years)

>he posts on 4chan

I lost my left arm when I was 14. I think thats a pretty solid excuse.

>>32213371
While this is just shit posting from a shit want to be troll. This reminds me, I dearly miss Jace.

>>32213421
Sheesh, what happened?

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>>32213284

Pls tell me no one says that

>>32213421

You couldn't find it?

>>32213421
>not lying at MEPS
too retarded to even join the marines

>>32213421

It's literally right next to you, fucktard.

>>32211438
Are you trying to be a meme or is it something that just happens? Honest question

>>32213421
How long did it take you to type this?

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>>32213474

Straight up busted a gut

>>32213437
Car accident. Drunk driver hit us (he died).

>>32213314
But that ones me.
t. Intel :^)))))

>>32213421
Yeah, happens all the time. That's just one of the dangers of giving yourself a stranger.

>>32213421
Good thing it's attached. Just look to your left.

>>32213579
That's an excuse you tell yourself to feel that much better.

t. Infantry that did Intel

>>32213545
Did you deserve it?

>I like making money more than being a pawn for the government.

>>32213545
Serves him right

>I could easily be SF but I don't wanna work weekends

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>>32213545
Good. Fuck that motherfucker.

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>>32213579

I got a 98 and went infantry. It was actually a bit of a humorous situation because my recruiting office didn't have any infantry slots at first so i had to wait for 6 months for a contract to open up. The entire time my recruiter was scared shitless that he was gonna lose me to the Navy or Air Force. He was trying to get me to take a reserve intel contract the entire time but I told him I wasn't signing anything that wasn't a 4 year active duty infantry contract.

>>32213609
[spoiler] I've been attached to an infantry BCT, I don't regret it at all [/spoiler]

>>32213904
There i a huge difference between being Infantry, and being atached to infantry.

If you're happy then good. But I'd stop bragging. I had a 96 asvab and a 128 GT. Your MOS requires a measly 100 GT.

Plus >>32213766

You may not be dumb, but don't act so smart. People from all walks of life want to do Infantry. Especially when their was a war. Enjoy that Garrison.

I got to see a convoy of hmmvs once when I was going to the mall. Also sometimes a blackhawk flies above where I live.

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>>32213421
One-armed draft dodging pussy!

>>32213545
Shit, now you can't hunt him down and exact you bionic revenge.

>>32213545
>drunk guy drives his car into you
>he takes your arm
>you take his life
Grats anon

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tfw too intelligent to join the marines

>>32211376
I kicked my DS up and down the sidewalk
You kids need to learn your place

>>32213545
>he took my arm
>I took his life

>>32211376
>as a marine family member...

>>32213579
y-yeah but it only takes 50 or 55 on the asvab for intel (to lazy to google)

hardest part is low life degenerates passing a security clearance, most everyone I knew who got DQ'd was because of debt they either didn't mention or had to much (or just flat out lied)

t. former AF intelfag

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>>32211421

chuckled

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>>32214066

IQ of 59 or greater?

>>32211390
i scored one point away from perfect and literally had recruiters calling every 2 or 3 days.... there's no such thing as too high. lol

>i watch anime and im not a fat virgin

>>32213955
Im just memeing senpai.

>spent years saying I would join if I didn't have to cut my hair
>shaved my head last week

I'm coming, boys

>>32213545
Well, glad you turned out All Right

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>thinking about joining
>don't know what branch
>father says military is for fuck ups and retards
>I really don't feel like going to community college right now
>whole family would yell at me
>the idea I may got shot and die isn't what I fear most
>it's having to shower with my dick out surrounded by other dicks

>>32213421
Are you all right now?

>>32215135
literally a nonissue.

>>32215135
You'll get over it.

>>32211447
/pol/ stay in /pol/

>>32211447
>he thinks niggers join the infantry

Europoor detected

>>32215135

I would claim your boipucci the moment I smelled the anime watcher on you

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>>32214707

>>32215327
>Soldiers don't watch anime on deployment
Anon, I...

>>32211444
Double dubs+1^3. Damn son

>>32215353

they can watch all the anime they want, but their boipucci is mine

>>32213437
Tried to revive my mother. Should have seen what happened to my brother.

>>32215241
Yes. I mostly shoot revolvers because they are easier for me to load, but I can handle a rifle pretty well from a rest.

>>32213545
Did you sue his remaining familiars?

>>32214011
Indeed sarge! Give him your side arm and move along, you got quite some people to draft.

>>32213314
I actually have a high school friend who scored really high on his ASVAB but decided to go infantry. He said it was a poor choice.

>>32213178
>>32211444
>Mfw I scored enough points to become parachute explorer but the shitty ass boots fucked up my ankles during basic and I had to start basic again as armorer.

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>>32211406
Legitimately initially read this as
>If I joined the military, I would be a giant spider.

I should go to bed

>>32212741

The point of Israel is that it's meant as a sacrifice for the second coming of Jesus.

>too fat to operate

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>>32214707
>all right

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>>32214707

>>32213474
*buh dum tsss*

>i would have gone nuke, but MEPS and my recruiting office fudged up my age waivers and would have kept me in DEP 6 more months on top of the 7 i was already in

True story. I am making rank and doing well, but I still dislike my job. Putting together an NFO package or crossrating when my time comes

>>32213317
fucking kek

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>>32213421
If the Army wanted you to have an arm they would have issued you one. You can salute and shoot, so get in line.

One less limb for your medic to worry about anyway.

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>>32215135
wtf how have you never taken a communal shower before? did you not play any sports or have PE in high school?

>>32213521
I think it's something that is just happening.
Much like the sebenza guy of KTG
there is always one obligatory retarded hunter comment per thread

>>32211390
>>32214279
Well I got a 99 AFQT and I'm joining the Army anyway, so best of both worlds?

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>>32218744

35Q or 25S would be good. i also got a 99 friend

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>>32218744
>>32218795
Actually, I signed a 4 year AD 25U contract.

25U seemed more interesting than the other 25-series jobs, and I've also heard that the promotion rate is much better. But ultimately I wanna put in a packet for 37F, or maybe 38B.

>>32213309
Bee allergy is a social construct, like sex, or race. You'll be fine.

>Want to join the military
>Don't want to get a physical because I don't want him seeing my balls
Fugg

>>32218813

i know it's your life and shit, but you should go negotiate a network crypto MOS. you can't get that training anywhere else.

>>32218849
What's wrong with your balls?

>>32215135
I really isn't that bad. Then again, I did make over 400 bucks through the cycle sucking off guys in my platoon so I guess I'm not the best person to ask.

>>32218858
I'm going to BCT in a month and I'm pretty dead set on 25U. Seemed like less of a desk job if I get a good assignment, but even if I'm relegated to help desk shit, that would be pretty low stress and enjoyable.

>>32215135
>Not being a man and sucking down all those nice juicy dick to embrace esprit de corps.

We wouldn't want your faggot ass in the Navy anyway.

>>32218859
I got in to a fight a few years back and the guy kicked me right in the sack, ever since then one's been really small and has just about no feeling. I don't know if that would disqualify me or anything, but I'm also very embarrassed by it and I haven't had sex since. The worst part is, I had my plan for life all set up, I was going to go mil (Muhreens) and go to college afterwards, I can't afford the college though do I need to go to the military but the whole thing with my balls messed it up

>>32218888

I think it'll be pretty cool for you. You should just look to afford yourself the best opportunities while you can. I know so many tech guys who cannot cross train anymore that would love to go crypto network.

Anyways I hope you enjoy your time but if you ever get the chance to cross I would highly suggest you take it.

>>32215320
This. Combat arms is overwhelmingly white these days, with a few based latinos.

The "culturally enriched" types self select into support jobs. If i recall correctly, cook is the blackest mos. Which is hilarious given that one chooses their own job in the army.

>>32214011
>are you mockin' me?

>>32218902
youll be fine. you only need one ball

>>32218094
It is a terrible choice. Infantrycucks act like you don't get the Real Military Experience if you don't do infantry, and they're right—but that experience fucking blows dick

>Be 18 in 2007
>housing crisis no one is hiring
>Look for three years, give up
>enlist, take Avasb, take "personality test" get low score
>"Too many people are joining we really don't need you unless you have 15 college credits"
>Are you fucking kidding me
>Go to college. Realise this is the best way to waste four years


True story. The personality test was really some mentality wellness test. I also belive i was the one of two that failed out of probably 400 guys enlisting that day

>>32214011
POLICE THAT MOO-STACHE

>>32211376
Not that uncommon in conscription military.

FDF has a (relatively small) number of annual cases where a CO or NCO didn't win the staring contest.

>uhg I can join the Marines but I'm too smart
>Muscles are required intelligence is not essential xDDDD

>>32218087

Was this supposed to be a good reply?

>>32211376
>asthma
if i didnt have asthma and a fucked up knee i could join.

>>32213421
Just join the Reserves they're all pretty much 'armless too.

>>32211376
I actually got approached by a UKSFR recruiter after my first day on the range. Was on cloud nine for a few hours until I found out that literally everyone got approached that day and I was the only one that didn't get a "Be the Best" coffee cup too.

>>32214279
I got a 98 AFQT and couldn't get a call back because I had asthma as a kid.

Best stroke of luck I've ever had. No way I would have survived in the military.

>>32219038
Are you me? Although I don't have asthma anymore. Was basically told by three recruiters it would be too much work to get a waiver.

This was in 2007 at the start of the surge...

>>32218920
>infantry
>white

Nothing but spicks and Irishmen. Every God Damn One.

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>>32215135
I know that feel anon
>Be ausfag no gunz
>Father is in army since he was 27, now 48
>Tells me dont join the arm its for idiots and will ruin your later life
>Unmotivated me and now Im fat
>He practically begs for a deployment as he has never been deployed
Heh

>>32214280
> not a fat virgin
> on 4chan

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>I could never join the military because the drill sergeants would make me cry

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>I could never join the army, because I'm a /fit/let
I didn't want to join it anyways haha

>>32219349
>Drill sergeant yells at you
You just say
>you too sir

I got a letter from the army they chose me for 6 months corporal training.

At first I was like "cool" because noone I know on my uni got a letter like this.

But then I read the included pamphlet and stumbled upon the wages section.

Oh boy.
So I didn't even bother, they were like 1,5x of the minimal wage.

>>32214011
THAT ARM WASNT YOURS TO LOSE

>I'm a fucking soldier, not a janitor
>when will we get to shoot the guns
>why do we spend 2 hours cleaning the guns

fucking conscripts

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>>32219516
>I want to join the army and kill bad guys
>Gonna join seal team six after highschool

>>32218209
hahaahahahah

>Tfw answered no on the "have you ever done drugs" question when applying for NROTC scholarship, because I hadn't yet
>experiment a little bit during holiday break in college freshman and sophomore year
>been slightly paranoid about it ever since
>commissioned in May
>still worried that one day some guy is gonna come up to me and say "the gig is over kid, you had a good run. But come with me"
>go to jail

It's stupid I know but this is my fear. I didn't even do drugs to be cool. The mind just really amazes me and I like testing myself, like doing a bunch of lsd when I had never even done pot.

>>32219573
Same feeling but I have a history of wew tier shit in my childhood lol

>I could never join the military because Im out of shape, have no real work ethic, and am kind of a pussy

>>32219548
The irony was that the guys who were aiming to be NCOs at the end of conscription ended up being the laziest fucks ever and the actual NCOs ended up doing it very reluctantly.

>>32219573
>test positive for drugs
>do a re-test
>if still positive, issued medical leave and a consultation
>do another test
>if clean, continue service

At least that's how it works here. You only get thrown out for hardcore drugs like Heroin or for repeat offenses.

>>32211376
I would call bullshit on this, but I actually used to hear this back in high school. Loudmouth black bitch who seemed to end up in all my classes. Used to say she would punch a DI in the face if they started yelling at her.


She joined ROTC and ended up being one of our worst cadets. And we had some pretty shitty cadets in that group.

>>32211438
luuckyyyy...

I only got lethal+. I'm in Syria enemy lines now with nothing but a knife a .44 mag some Rhodesian camo short shorts and a sixer of beer.

>>32219190
Kek. They still use M16A2s

>>32213510
no, it's left next to him, fucktarder

>>32218497
>INB4 you get assigned to a Spec-ops team and are given a cool as fuck AR Pistol instead of an M16.
>Become known as the 'one armed bandit'
>Get hit by explosion
>A few cuts and bruises
>Happened to the side you already lost an arm on.
>No biggie.

>>32219661
Is there anything wrong with that?

>>32213371
>Finally the day
>Get issued rifle literally t-day 3
>Trusting recruits to pull weapons directly from the window
>Mcrd having socom shit
Ok I cant even suspension of disbelief on this one

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>>32214707

>>32213673
Well anon is missing an arm so hes always going to serve right

>>32219428

Fucking loled

>>32215320
nigger detected

>>32218522
We didn't shower after PE

>>32219751
A2s are old and rattly. If bet that the vast majority of the A2s don't have matching receivers, don't have matching bolts/bcgs etc. Tl;dr 30 year old guns with mIllions of rounds through them probably arent in the best condition

>>32218522

Literally nobody showered in pe in hs

Either they didn't put in enough effort to break a sweat or just sprayed themselves down with axe (t. Guy who graduated highschool 5 years ago)

>>32220221
So you went to class smelling like ass?

>>32219657
Plebe. I scored lethal + while half blind from a terrible hangover from the night before with a few four star admirals and the general of the army.

>>32220274
yep, we never showered after PE either.

no one wants the drama of a bunch of naked dudes

Not sure if the girls showered or not, some of them might have.

>>32211444
KEK says that this is true. You must be the Godperator come to save us from the rising tide of Islam

>>32213421
Get a Sig brace pussy.

>the DBoys didn't want me because I'm too much of a lone wolf and I intimidated them

>>32220309

From what I heard, the girls were more prudish than the guys (at least at my hs) when it came to changing rooms.

The guys would basically get half naked and walk around either with just a shirt on or just underwear or whatever

My ex gf said that the girls would basically get in corners or whatever and all face the lockers when they changed. If they had to change their shirts or bras they'd go to the stalls. But there was like one girl who wold walk around the changing room with her tits out.

I saw plenty of male ass in the changing room (inb4 homo, I likeD it dgaf) and my gf didn't see anything in the girls locker room

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>>32213421
Tfw you will never honk two titties simultaneously...
Muh feels anon...

>>32220339
See
>>32219738

>>32219626
Huh. Back in 2003-era AF, I remember a lot of guys getting sep'd because they lied about drug use, or tested positive after arriving. Which branch are you that is that laid back about drug use?

>>32215287
Reddit stay in reddit

>>32213545
are you that guy from project reality?

>>32219400

>calling them 'sir'

*whatever sound Cavity Sam makes when you touch the edge of the hole*

>>32219038
>Asthma
Me too, except I went and did it anyway, and didn't say shit. 6 years regular ship Navy reporting

>>32215135
But that's the best part.

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>>32213371
Bretty good

>>32213421
Post stump

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>I have asthma
>Tfw ywn be a Marine Armor Officer

>>32213421
Have you checked down the cushions on the sofa?
That's where I find most stuff I've lost

>>32224040
Can someone remake this with Pepe holding a claymore mine

>rangefudd with his SKS with 2 scopes and a flashlight on it
>telling friend how he was a global elite sniper but was discharged because of being too deadly
>fucking used a CSGO rank

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>>32213474

>I was a nuke in the navy,
>I was pushed to mental limits and eventually after 3 years of this bullshit I decided my death would be the only logical answer to get out.
>spent a week in the psych ward, they determined me to be alcohol dependent, with severe depressive disorder, and adjustment disability.
>spent 35 days at navy sarp(substance abuse rehabilitation program) went to an AA meeting every day
>fuck AA
>now waiting for paperwork to go through seaway so that I can go home and be done with all this bullshit.
>FTN

>>32213284
>too good at everything
You mean being a huge cuck with no motivation and getting walked all over by the rest of your Platoon because they don't respect you.
>sucking the DI's cock
You can't get kicked out for being gay anymore, though. Better re-enlist, fag

>>32213317
Stop, the truth is hurting me

>>32214066
What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 100?
>A Platoon

>>32225339
What type of person tests lower than a Marine?
An anti-marine poster on /k/'s sperm count.

>because getting arrested for misdemeanor trespassing is SOOOO bad if you're trying to join the marines

>friend is a 150 pound emotionally unstable and exhausted twink, hes basically whiney paper
>says hes joining the marines
>comes back and says he made it in, he just needs to work out for a few months

huh

>>32225522
They can get him in shape
Unlike >>32225460 who they might not be able to stop from being a shithead who trespasses.

>>32220416
Thanks my boss gave me a promotion!

>>32216432
Highly underrated post.
Solid kek, anon.

>>32225164
So glad I flunked out of Power School. Going to Enterprise really drove that point home for me. Although being a regular engineer on Big E was no picnic either

>>32225383
I'm not anti-Muhreen, was just having a kek

>>32225736
I was actually surprised when I passed powerschool, I wouldn't have made it if they had the 2.8 standard they have now, I wonder what it would have been like to be a normie in the navy, and I realize how easy it would have been to make rank in almost any other job, but it's time for me to get out, and move on to better things.

>>32211376
I would've been promoted to captain before you knew it and I'd have a badass team of killers

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>>32224040
>accessory rail on a designator/rangefinder

>>32215287
fuck off reddit

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>>32213371
STOP PRETENDING TO BE ME OR I'LL TLL ON YOU!!!

>>32219661
>MFW I deployed AD with an M16A2 and deployed with an M4 with the National Guard

not that I actually want to enlist, but I'm curious
would they let someone with pectus excavatum and a heart murmur enlist?

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>>32219428

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>entertained the idea of joining the navy after highschool
>horrified by the fact that i may not be able to enjoy my daily morning shit and reading the news
>end up going to college and got a decent job
>get to enjoy my peaceful morning shits
>part of me regret not joining
when does this feeling go away, lads?

>>32215328

Who dis

>>32215287
fuck off nu-/k/ (reddit)

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>>32211376
>I could never join the military because I am an unabashed white supremacist who would kill all darkies I could see if I was given a gun

>>32226613
never

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>>32213474

>>32218813
>FOUO

don't they say you can't publish pictures of stuff like that

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>>32226011
>Not having an AFG on your rangefinder
Lmao

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>>32214707

>>32220305
Bitch, I got lethal + after forgetting my three legs and arm at the house and had a dead hooker in my trunk.

>>32226613
I was in the Navy, and now I regret not being a grunt or being an FMF Corpsman. I'm sure some grunts think about how they could've been an SOF stud or some shit. Grass is greener, etc

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>>32226977

>>32225222
>being this butthurt over shitposting
d00d

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>>32218880
There's a problem if you only made 400. You must really suck at it.

>>32213309
Only if we go to war with the bees

or a country that uses bees as ammunition

>>32213284
Went to high school with a guy that says this.
Nigger broke his arm a week in falling out of a bed or some shit.
Also does the
>they let me keep my sniper rifle
>they let me take home government property
Even got a military tattoo
Look him up
Aj Steele

>>32211438

Really? I scored a "hyperlethal" too while I was running for president. I lost to some orange fuckwit with a scrotum face though.

>>32219995
I mean, I got my rifle day 3. But hes trollimng sooo

>>32227358
Kek

>>32218795
"apptitude" is misspelled

thank you for your service

>>32218395

You fucking fool, that was the best thing to ever happen to you.

Nuke life is worst life.

>>32216432
didnt kek this hard for the last few years

>>32225803

They begged and begged me to go nuke but I'm not retarded and refused, went SECF instead. Absolutely love it. Sonar is great fun. Way smarter than the normies so I crushed everyone in school and got push-buttoned to E4 for being at the top of my class. Have a decent shot at making E5 my first time up. Going home at 1300 meanwhile nukes are staying forever doing training and the fucking reactor isn't even operational.

>>32218522
there is no time to take a shower. PE went until like 5-10 minutes until the bell rang so all you had time to do was change

>>32213317
>/meg/ the post

>>32219738
>instead of hitting your forearm, it completely rips apart your torso