Itt knife fuckups just > be me >just now >open pizza

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>>31952146
wtf is pizza paper

>>31952168
The lable on a storebought pizza

>>31952146
we should have a talk about that watermark, anon.

>>31952178
When I buy pizza it comes in a box, you remove the pizza from the box, peel off the plastic wrap, then remove the cardboard from underneath the pizza and place it in the oven. There's no need for a knife in any of this. Are you from America?

>>31952146
Just a reminder that if there's a decent amount of flesh exposed, you might want to go to urgent care and get stitches. Otherwise it's going to take forever to heal and it might get infected.

Also holy shit, what the fuck is going on with that watermark?

>>31952193
What brand i buy toumb stone

>>31952199
Stoped bleeding in 5 seconds with presure

>>31952210
When I lived by a Kroger I would buy their store brand pizzas. Now I just buy whatever's on sale.

>>31952146
Nothing is idiot proof, but this is particularly true for knives. I say let it bleed and allow nature to take its course.

>>31952271
I plan to retard

>>31952219
Good shit. I just remember fucking up when my buddy was trying to teach me how to open beer bottles with a knife and I didn't think it was a big deal at the time. It's been a year and the scar still looks like it happened a month ago.

>>31952219
Wolverine plz go.

>>31952199
DatS what super glue is for retard

>>31952146
>be paranoid
>be brazilian
>decide to CC folding knife
>accidentally slice my hand while at the bank

>Playing with knife like a faggot.
>Literally throw knife into thigh.
>Pull knife out, panic.
>Basic medical training tells me that hit really close to an artery.
>Hobble to bathroom with lighter and nail.
>Take care of the bleeding with red hot nail, fill with neosporin.
>Wrap up the gaping wound and go to bed.

>Mfw I have a fist sized mound of scar tissue in my thigh because I was a dipshit.

>>31952476
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the proper way to handle that would have been to keep the knife in, hold still, and call for an ambulance, right?

>>31952290
>Try to open beer bottle with knife
>The last 1.5mm of blade disappears
>Hope I didn't get iron poisoning

>Try to open wine bottle to impress sluts and drink something that isn't disgusting
>Chip the edge and lose the point
>Can't sharpen away the damage without a grinding wheel, again


Moral of the lame anecdotes, don't use a knife for anything besides cutting things.

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Ive been waiting to post this
> be me
> have brand new cheap Slingshot that my cousin bought me from one of those. cheap sword shops
> have brand new super sharp pocket knife
> decide to shoot said knife out of said slingshot
> aim at futon to avoid wall damage
> take the time and thought to turn the knife so the blade was facing away from my hand "for saftey"
> release
> blink
> look down
> i really need to clean that soda stain off of my futon
> its dark in my room
> NotSoda.jpg
> feel throbbing in hand
> dramaticaly fall to floor even though its only me in my room
>raise hand, see pool of blood
>OhShit
>run to bathroom
>Bleeding confirmed
> wrap in towel and hold against stomach for pressure and to keep my hand free
> run out of my room
> "Mom i stabbed myself"
> i have never seen my mother move like this before
>she thought i had stabbed myself in the gut
> puts sister's maxi pad on wound and tapes it
> call cousin
> laughs were had
> go to emergency clinic
> laughs were had
> get told that if it cut any higher in my hand it would have cut my tendon and I would have been in the hospital for months
> laughs were had
> get first stitches
> go home
> spend next day cleaning blood out of my carpet
> clean knife but keep blood on sling as a reminder

Also i was on the football team in hoghschoop at the time and i was requared to lift, so after waiting the 2nweeks my doctor said it would take till i was good to lift, i started lifting. I should have stopped when i noticed my stiches cutting into my hand, but i didnt so the stiches failed hard and now i have a fucking ugly scar instead of a thin white line.

Pic related was after it was maxied but before emergency clinic

>>31952146
>only ever had single edged knives
>buy a cool doubled edged knife and start carrying it
>have something that I need to cut
>years of muscle memory have me put my thumb on the back of the blade
>remember that it has two sharp edges right as I start slicing

so yeah I was going to guide the knife with a finger against the back of the blade and instead I got a very tiny cut that produced a single drop of blood

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>>31952860

stop buying frozen pizzas, and barring that actually build up some finger strength because you can just tear that shit barehanded. You know not to point the blade at yourself right?

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>be me
>taking apart old kiddie pool for disposal
>decide to use pic related
>decide to be ninja and use a hack and slash technique
>going from top down
>miss pool and hit left index finger
>stunnedsilence.jpg
>watch as blood starts to well up out of the roughly eight-inch deep wound
>immediately run inside to wash it out with alcohol and wrap it in cotton

>>31952860
>maxi pad

Why didn't I, >>31953227, think of that?

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>>31952860
This pleases me

>>31952146
OP's picture makes me sad. :(

>>31952146
>be the person who is typing this reply
>few months ago
>have winchester multitool with one half ripped off and replaced with rubber, pencil and sharpening stone
>sharpening stone is small and fits snugly into the multitool holster
>every single fucking time i sharpen my knife
>slice
>slice
>slice
>one day decide to unfuck myself and buy a proper stone to keep at home and sharpen in front of a fire with some smooth jazz playing in the background
>do just that
Never had a self-inflicted scar on my hands or arms ever since then. Yay for not looking like an emo. Still have my little sharpening stone in my holster just in case I ever get abducted by aliens and my knife gets dull out in the field.

>>31952493
Yes.

>>31953256
Dumbass deer got his dumbass killed

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>>31953227
The scar I got

Moral of the story, don't take a knife to a kiddie pool.

>be me
>Be 19
>Carry a sog flash two everyday for 7 years
>Go to shut it after opening an apple
>Muscle memory to move fingers, slide latch, fold one handing on leg
>Muscle forgot to move finger
>Full force of spring shut plus my force
>On finger tip
>Watch fingertip fall to the floor
>Try not to bleed. Bleed alot
>Cleaned well and wrapped

>Be 1950+66
>Finger looks like I ground it on belt sander
>Feels bad man

>>31952493
True, but when it's 3am and you are inebriated you don't think too well in a moment of panic.

>>31953025
It's technically somewhat dangerous to put your thumb on the back of any knife, because if you slip there's a lot of pressure that could rotate the blade in a non-ggod way.

>>31953227
>index finger
>eight inch deep wound

So did you cut off your finger or what?

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>>31952146
>widdling with tiny povket knife
>am cub scout, def jnow what im doing senpai
>cutting towards myself
>knife slips, cutting my left index to the bone
>oh shit
>no pain though
>try to hide it by running up stairs and wrapping in toilet paper
>pain sets in
>cry like a bitch to my parents
>13 years later still have the scar.

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>be me
>be (minimum legal age to purchase knife)
>decide to get myself a karambit
>because why not, don't care if it's meme tier
>and spinning a karambit is fun
>but dangerous
>if it slips above the knuckle it can fuck up your arm
>get less extreme version of pic related
>stop bleeding with gauze
>great don't have to go to a hospital
>next day dad sees gauze
>tell him I had a mishap
>doesn't believe me
>sent to the hospital for self harm

>>31952186
kek

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>>31952146
>be me at my old job, working in a paint store
>boring, slow weekend
>just got pic related, voyager xl clip-point
>decide to goof around for a moment
>open the curved lid to one of our one-gallon paint can mixers, which is caked in untold layers of paint-splatter
>wedge knife tip in between lid & 1/4in slab of dried paint
>push hard
>using knife as a wedge, i begin slowly prying paint from the mixer's lid
>break off a plate-size chunk of paint
>toss paint frisbee in the trash & inspect knife
>the fine factory point is bent badly....
>well, crap..
>using multitool pliers, i attempt to bend tip back into place
>about 1/8in of the tip breaks off...
>get home later, borrow dad's grinder, carefully reprofile the tip
>practically good as new & now i know that cold steel's AUS8a has some flexibility

..this is why you dont use most knives for prying tasks
...pic was after paint mixer accident

>>31953227
>>31953860
*eighth-inch

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>Be retarded child
>Have bread knife for the opening of a plastic bag
>NINJA
>oh fuck
Cut a flap of my finger as outlined in pic. Needed 14 stitches, which I had to remove later on. I could see the soft tissue coming out and saw tendon as well. I got fucking lucky.

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I was cutting straps at work and looked away as i hacked down like a dumbass and sliced through my gloves and cut into my pointer finger above my knuckle

>>31953843
That's why you place the edge away from yourself, fucking idiot

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Drunk and with a rusted machete. Tried chopping some wood. Nearly took my thumb off. Never mix Smirnoff and captain morgans.

>>31952193
>remove the cardboard
Are you just putting the pizza straight onto the oven rack? Pretty sure the cardboard is oven safe as long as it's underneath the shitty pizza it came with.

The worst I ever did was slice the tip of my ring finger off with a Cuisinart blade while angrily rooting around through my cutlery drawer looking for an onion holder to cook dinner. That fucker wouldn't stop bleeding until I kept my arm above my head while applying pressure and even then if I moved around it would reopen and bleed like a motherfucker so I had to sleep in a non-reclining chair until the scab formed. Even then it would open up over the next few days if I wasn't careful. In hindsight I probably needed stitches. Healed up pretty good though and only ended up with a 1/4" x 1/8" scar on the tip of my finger.

>>31952146
>be me
>camping
>making hotdog stick out of vine maple
>small knot in it
>hack at it
>won't come off
>embed the edge of the knife
>try to flick it off like opening a bottle
>blade chips, not a little bit, like about the size of my pinkie nail

>showing friends kabar in high school
>put left thumb too close to the hilt
>unsheathe quickly without looking
>whendiditgetsohotinhere.wav
>friends are wide-eyed
>look down
>blood everywhere
>9 stitches across whole fingerprint in a / shape
>still can't feel anything along it, nice scar
A month or so ago
>at police station to get fingerprinted for ccw permit
>desk lady lols at my left thumb print

>>31952495
just sounds like a shitty knife.

>>31952146
Cut a small part of the end of my finger off, trying to cut open a 50lb bag of flour because the pull tabs ripped off and a knife was the closest thing to me.

Also put a 3/8 drill bit into my hand once, but that's not really a blade I guess.

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>>31952199
>Just a reminder that if there's a decent amount of flesh exposed, you might want to go to urgent care and get stitches. Otherwise it's going to take forever to heal and it might get infected.

>be me
>be 16 in robotics
>its 3AM the day before a competition
>slicing polycarbonate on a bandsaw
>feed too fast because retarded and sleep deprived
>cut palm open
>blood everywhere
>first aid kit had been packed for the competition
>isopropyl everywhere
>use some cotton like material as a pad and wrap hand in ductape
>more isopropyl
>keep fucking cutting

"urgent care"

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>>31955463
This is what usually happens, I wish I had one of those oven racks with a flat bottom.

>>31956228
Is this a joke?

fucking homeless people have access to sheet metal, are you actually incapable of solving this problem?

>>31956228
buy a fucking pizza pan or put it on a god damn baking sheet.

I bet you breathe through your mouth, don't you?

>>31954078

Dad sent you to the hospital for self harm? Hahahaha what a bunch of fags the two of you are!

>>31952146

>be me
>new years eve some years back
>drunk
>some stimulants
>want to open beer
>no opener/lighter near
>decide to use back side of bread knife, because what could go wrong
>slip, cut myself in the finger
>proceed to bleed fucking everywhere as I was told later
>go to the sink, want to wash finger
>hold under water, water turns red
>and stays red
>and stays red
>fug it, won't stop on itself, undress shirt, dripping blood everywhere
>wrap whole fucking shirt around finger
>"Now it's okay"
>go back to party
>go to another party later that day
>people asking about why I have a shirt around my finger
>"Ah it's nothing, just cut myself"
>Ouhkay.jpg

Left me with a little scar on the finger. I was lucky, a bit higher and my sinew would have been cut. Also drugs are bad for you, kids.

>>31956789

5 6 7 8 9

Woop woop, that's a street

>>31952146

Is this you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmG-r6wrAw8

i threw a butterfly knife to hit it upwards with my knee
It opened and it was perfect for me to now kick it midair like a soccer ball

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>be me
>take the sword from the stone
>become king of england
>on the way up, sword cuts me
>make sure scribes leave that part out of history

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>brand new leatherman
>testing out serrated blade's rescue cutter but start getting careless
>glides through cardboard like nothing
>the upward facing serrated blade glides through my hand real good too

>>31953373
How do you open an apple

>>31956817
New generation of pussies right here.
Little cut on hand, screaming and crying, passes out, everyone in the vicinity freaking out and has to call 911. All for a little cut.

>innahighschool
>talking to girl I had the hots for
>"bad girl" type, dyed hair, combat boots, the whole 9
>always carries a shitty folder with her
>letting her "read my fortune" or whatever on my hand
>"hey Anon, if you let me cut your hand with my knife I'll give you head"
>I'm a horny idiot sure why not
>places the blade of her knife across my palm
>looks me in the eye
>cuts
>bleeding profusely, wrap my handkerchief around the wound and make a fist
>she's freaking out
>"omg Anon I'm so sorry! You're bleeding all over the place! Oh shit we need to take you to a doctor!"
>pull her close and tell her it's no big deal, I actually kinda liked it
>it actually hurt like a bitch
>ended up fucking
>no regrets

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>>31957816
Worth it I guess. Did it left a scar?

>>31956817
>This guy has 2 million subscribers (almost as much as hickok45)

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>>31956206
Superglue A-1 fampai.

Also
>16
>robotics
>actually cutting things
FRC?

>christmas
>gifted my dad's knife from his time as a fireman
>mom drinking wine, cork too big to fit back into bottle
>"hey, anon, come help me with this"
>dad and i decide best option is to use my new knife to cut down the cork
>knife slips and cuts up into my index finger
>realize I'm a retard
>cut myself within 6 hours of owning knife
>learned not to be a dipshit after that

>>31955463
You're suppose to remove the cardboard so the crust underneath gets cooked and doesn't stay soft.

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>Be me
>about 13 years old on scout camping trip
>have shitty camo folding knife that was 3 dollars from a fair
>stabbing it in a log
> locking mechanism breaks
>cleaves my pinky
> look in cut see bone
>duck tape and paper towel
>learned a good lesson about knife safety and decide to make a conscious effort not to be retarded from that day on.

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>>31958177
It's the vertical one, the other is from a time I got jumped at a carnival by some guy who thought I was banging his girl, I didnt even know him

>>31956817
>cuts his hand
>is obviously going into shock
>collapses

>dude are you okay?

>>31952210
ew dude. Rayley's instore made or nothing

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>>31956206
fucking kek at "urgent care"

>>31958935
What did he do? Scratch you with his nail? I have a genuinely worse scar from a thorn.

Not really a knife story, but it'll do.
>Hanging out with this massive neckbeard who has a nice stereo and good liquor
>He starts busting out his replica swords
>From Kill Bill, the Hobbit, LotR, you name it, none of them sharp and none of them cost more than $100 with free shipping from China
>Bust out a bottle of Charles Heidsieck Brut Réserve and suggest we use one of his swords to open it
>The choice falls on Anduil, the Flame of the West
>I find the seam, hold the bottle with my fingertips and my arm fully stretched out so I can swing the cumbersome sword
>Swing
>Bottle takes a brutal chip out of the sword
>While he laments the defilement of his sword's "totally sharp bro" edge, I shuffle out into his kitchen, grab his fancy fucking cleaver, give the bottle neck a good rapping with the back of it
>Bottle bursts open exactly as intended, pouring only a little champagne onto his fuckoff huge shaggy carpet
>Pick the cork out of the now severed bottleneck and give it to his cat to play with
What the fuck kinda steel do they make swords with that they lose to a bottle, I'll never know.

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>>31956817
he started crying
>fucking pathetic

>Spend the evening drinking with friends
>Someone wants me to make me a vodka fruit drink
>Handles me mango and a blind as fuck knife
>Hold mango in the hand and try to cut it
>Can't cut well while drunk use more force
>Slice the entire mango in half and the base of my thumb open
>I can see the tendon and all the skin layers
>Everybody sees my bloody hand
>Say "sorry but I made you a Bloody Marry instead"
>Get hushed to the hospital
>Get local anesthesia and stitches
>Still drunk
>he alcohol and the anesthesia give me a weird high
>Feels good man
>Done with the doctor and go back to the party
>Resume drinking

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> be me
> hammered drunk at 3am partying with friend's
> have to cut something, grab biggest knife in kitchen
> raise knife above head, chop down with all my might
> right onto my left pointer finger
> I can see my bone
> go to sink and run it under water
> puke everywhere
> blood all over friend's kitchen and fridge
> only had pic related to wrap my finger with
> get a ride home from random chick, puke on her car
> get inside, try cleaning it properly with alcohol and bandages
> starts bleeding everywhere again
> bandaged up, soaking through with blood
> go to bed, I'll deal with this shit tomorrow
> tomorrow
> I fucked up the bandages and the gauze is now stuck to the wound
> go to nurse friend's house, she spends an hour cutting everything out of the wound and cleaning and bandaging it the right way
> have huge scar on my finger now, looks cool

>>31952301

Tommy.

>>31958982
A boxcutter, one of those thin ones

Dude was tiny, I had no trouble keeping him back but he got me a few times, the worst cut was to my leg when I kicked him and it's not much bigger

I think I have you guys beaten for pointlessness.

>be about 15
>have no sharp knives in the house
>buy swiss army knife
>finally, I can open shit
>it comes in clamshell wrapping
>spend 20 minutes opening it
>you know what would have made this easier
>a sharp knife
>decide to stab the shit out of the now defeated clamshell wrapping with my new knife
>it won't go through
>end up holding the packaging with my right hand and applying pressure on the knife with my left
>knife bursts through clamshell wrapping and halfway through the ring finger on my right hand

It hurt a lot

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Never really was a dipshit with knives but always with electricity.
>have one of these heating up a huge bucket of water
>decide to check if the water is warm using my hand
>get shook the fuck ip

>>31959079
I've burned myself at least three or four times by touching frying pans to see if they're hot yet.

>>31952146
>get new knife as kid
>swing it at some bush
>knife twacks into my left knee
>blood is everywhere
>you can see the bone
>wat_do.jpg

>>31952146
>bought a knife other than a sebenza
>have to live with this forever
/thread

not knife but burns, have done this 4 times at least
>out drinking and partying all night progressively getting more blacked out at each bar
>reach final destination and realized ive spent too much on booze
>call taxi/uber to pick me and gf up
>absolutely demand the taxi goes through the drive through
>shits fucking closed, "excuse me Abdul id like to go home now"
> still hungry as fuck
>whip out the pizza rolls and through them in the oven on the bottom rack becasue convection is the shit
> reach in and burn the fuck outta the top of my forearms throwing pizza rolls everywhere
>dog knows the deal and runs in to get what she can
>burns her mouth and starts crying
> drink whiskey pissed off for 20 minutes while i wait for the second batch

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>>31952146
Does it count as a knife ? If yes
>be 16yo me in some kitchen
>it's 19pm and everyone want to eat at the same time in the fucking hotel
>kitchen is hell on earth, Chef wants me to cut tomatoes with this machine of satan
>cut them and leave, blade still running
>come back to take some slices real quick
>"ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP"
>oh my fucking gosh there's blood everywhere and the tip of my tumb is hanging
>don't give a fuck about the pain, more about the chef kicking my ass for being a dumbass
To be fair, the local anesthesia was worse than the actual pain. A few stitches and everything was ok.

But I WON'T act like a fucking dumbass ever again around this piece of shit silent killer of thumbs.

>>31959086
You just sprinkle water on them goddamn

if the water beads up and skitters across the surface it's hot

>>31954237
model of revolver?

>>31959141
>Didn't use a guard.
>Didn't use gloves.
>Realize that Local hurts like a BITCH.
You earned that.

>have coldshit dagger
>double edged
>flipping it around like a tard
>hand slips
>drop knife
>instinctively catch knife
>by the blade
>laugh all the way to the er
>scar across two fingers to this day

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>Sitting on granny's couch watching the tube and eating a snack
>Cozy af famm
>Finish drinking water bottle
>Time to test stabbing ability of new chink stiletto
>Stab stab stab... going good...
>Stab... O fug
>Rush to the bathroom before I start bleeding through my pants... Ladies, you know what I'm saying :3
>Not too deep, maybe 3/8"
>Patch up with edc duct tape and Kleenex
>Get scar for being a dumbass.
Nbd; nobody ever found out.

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>>31959870
>why would you stab your grandmas cooach? also >does your wiener still work after the incident?

>>31959977
He stabbed his thigh. Try having a modicum of reading comprehension.

>>31960028
>Ladies, you know what I'm saying :3

In no part of his post does he clarify that it was in the thigh. Only when I inspect the photograph of his limb for a minuscule brown spec of a scar do I find the initial puncture wound in his thigh.

>Be me. Working in a warehouse.
>Go to cut a heavy box full of cans in half with boxcutter.
>Slice part way down one side, and break off blade.
>Chunk of razor blade sticking out of cut.
>Go to get new blade.
>Come back and decide box is easier to cut if on table.
>Pick up box by middle, hold over table, and let slide through hands.
>No gloves.
>I still have a scar running down the palm of my right hand.

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I'm a hunter and everything, but OP's pic still makes me sad. I'm going to hide this thread now.

>capcha: BOMBING MEXICO
>woah, seriously? LOLOL

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>>31952146
Sliced my thumb open to the bone when a boxcutter i was using slipped and went across my thumb full force.

My fault for where I had my hand placed but Svedka cases are kind of slick.

>>31953373
pics?

>knife fuck ups
I bought a Kabar

>>31952193
neat, i am american, always used to to openly the box to an already hot pizza, being in florida, it wont get cold on the way either

>>31952290
>>31952495
Why you faggots just use a table/counter top? Same trick without being a dipshit with a knife.

>>31952476
>stab self for fun
>cauterize wound because fuck modern medicine
>half-ass wound dressing
>go to bed

Good job anon, operating like a real man at arms.

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>>31952146

>Be me 8 months ago
>New Opi No. 9 Carbone in mail came finally
>Patina time
>Mustard applied
>Mustard dries
>time to wash off mustard
>mustard rinsed, time to dry blade
>no towels near by, use paper towels instead
>not thinking, finger right on blade
>apply way too much pressure and wipe
>slice my top of index clean open
>feel it cut into the nerves
>ouch .tiff
>patina looks decent for a first time, worth

>>31959507
Well, the dude never said anything about guard or glove to be honest.

So, yes i was dumb, but he was fucking irresponsible. Still learned that, yeah.

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>accidentally tap razor sharp knife on my knee
>it cuts through my shorts and leaves a scar

>>31952210
>TOMBSTONE

Mah nigga

>be me
>be 6 years old
>dad got back from fishing
>put tackle box on the counter
>dad hops in the shower
>I climb on a stool and open box
>see what I now know as a filet knife
>leather sheath
>take it out
>put it back in sheath like in anime
>filet knife cuts through leather sheath
>filet the entire underside of my left thumb off
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>dad comes running out of the bathroom
>blood everywhere
>go to the hospital
>Doctors skin graph from my thigh for my thumb

Ahhh never forget the hell i put everyone through. We all laugh about it now.

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>>31959141
>19pm
what

>11th birthday
>Family love camping, general outdoors activities
>Always enjoyed helping my dad gather wood, chop shit down etc
>"Son, I think you're old enough to have your own multi-tool now"
>Well this is just neat as fuck DESU
>Even has a knife
>....
>I wonder how sharp it is?

Anyway, I ended up having to run downstairs with a sock wrapped around my bleeding thumb, was deep-ish, but not bad enough to require stitches or anything. Just some anti-septic and a bandage, and I was fine.

Fucked up for myself though, My dad apparently wanted to get me a Machete when I turned 16,but my mum stopped him with the argument "If he did that with a shitty little knife, what's he going to do with a fucking machete?"

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Used a utility knife to cut the tail off of a zip-tie... bad idea, sliced my left index finger to the bone and nicked a tendon. 12 external stitches, and many internal.

I started a 1700 mile bike tour the next day.

It still isn't right, 4 years later. My finger doesn't bend more than 90° and the end joint doesn't move.

>>31956817
Fake as fuck.

>>31960265
and?

>opening packages with retarded big bowie knife
>get to tiny little package
>"no no, i will use tiny knife for safer opening"
>stab my thumb with tiny knife

>>31959141
Those things are no joke, I know a lady working at at a local grocery store who lost a finger to it.

>>31959454
ruger sp-101 .357 mag

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>be 14
>dad bought me kukri for birthday fuckyeah.jpeg
>been using it for a month
>dumbfuckidly try to sharpen it with a pull through sharpener
>have these chopped up used 2x4s in garage
>start chopping to test out sharpness and wedge
>batoning through wood by holding down spine of blade with hand
>blade runs under my fingers and kukri
>THWACK
>kukri slams into tips of ring and middle finger, both bleeding excessively
>fucking hurts
>get parents
>cry
>go to hospital
>choose no stitches, surgical glue/tape
>still have the scars to this day
>always extra careful with knives ever since
>still cant get that kuk sharp enough
>give up
>kukri remains in parents garage to this day
I don't own that kukri, that kukri owns me.

>>31960982

SOME
B
O
D
Y

>>31958935
You wanna know how I know you're underageb&?

I got 2 good ones I'll reply to this comment with. Going to take a bit since I'm on phone and at work though.

>>31961254
ONCE
T
O
L
D

M
E

>>31961254
What?

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>>31953256

>>31961415
Not an injury to myself but an injury i inflicted upon a friend.

>Be 14
>Be super into Assassins Creed at the time.
>Have one of those super cheap 99 cent folders.
>Decide it would be a great idea to sneak up behind my friend and pretend to stab him with it.
>Come into room and see that he is talking to other friend.
>"I will make Ezio proud!" Take knife and stab over friends left shoulder.
>He sees arm coming, doesnt know theres a knife there and flings his fist up.
>That fucking noise
>sounded like a loud click with the feeling that it connected bone. Sort of sounded reminiscent of stabbing a piece of ice.

Basically i stabbed him right in the back of his hand and hit the bone with a super shitty dolllar store knife because i was a tard.

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>>31957691
>doesn't know how to open an apple
>probably doesn't activate his almonds either

>>31953256
he's just swimming

right? dad? he's gonna be ok?

>be 18
>putting knife innawaistband
>somehow slip
>blade nicks artery in my arm
>blood spurts out covering phone and keyboard
>had to buy a new keyboard

>be at work
>slicing box
>knife slips out and cuts finger
>boss finds out and forced to go to hospital even though i say no
>they stick a bandaid on it

>>31956196
knives aren't meant to be used as anything other than a knife

>>31956228
oh man, i laughed so hard at this

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This whole thread
>You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!
>IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
>She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
>IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
>What if she cuts herself?
>THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

>>31952146
If you guys found a dead dear woukd you skin it and take it to the butcher?

>>31961415
Story 2
I didnt cut him the time but i was present for.
>Be 16
>friend 1 and 2 decide to have a swordfight in my tiny ass room (no homo).
>READY FIGHT
>Metal and dparks fly like in vidya
>shit gets real amd friend 1 calls for 2 to mutaly stop.
>Friend 2 isnt having it.
>Swipes across all of friend 1s fingers holding the hilt.
>Friend 1 runs downstairs and covers wound with paper towel.
>Meanwhile me and freind 2 play super smash bros on the wii
>Dad gets home screams up the stairs screaming "Wheres your Mom!"
>Got pissed friend was bleeding and kicked him out.

Lel he thought i slayed my mom for xp. Then rage sent my bleeding friend home.

Oh to be young again.

>>31961868
Forgot to mention the weapons were shit teir Bud k blades.

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>>31952146
>iFunny
El oh el the deer drowned

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>be me working in shop
>hammering some metal to bend it down
>toocoolforgloves.jpg
>piece im bending down happens to be next to a freshly cut edge
>tink tink... oops
>missed entirely and slamed my index kuckle on the cut edge
>wouldyalookatthat.gif
>huh, i wonder how deep it is
>oh fuck
>briskly walk to the defucking station
>run water over it blood starts rushing out like a bitch
>grab some cord and wrap round finger to stop blood
>clean it out with isopropyl alcohol
>super glue the fuck outta it
>always on never in
>band-aid for good measure
>grab some gloves and get back to work

pic is after i got home and i noticed i botched the superglue and had to redo it so i took some pic's since no blood

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>>31962057
'nother picture better showing depth of gash

>>31961868
Reminds me of LAN parties we had

>First incident
>Playing some Supreme Commander
>4v4
>literally first time ever, whatamidoing.jpg
>see nuke launcher
>desire to build intensifies
>build a shitton of them
>team is getting wrecked, I am contributing in no way
>lets see how these things work
>world becomes engulfed in nuclear fire
>better than expected
>other team is salty
>one kid especially
>we had found some boxing gloves down the stairs, decide to settle differences in the field of battle
>nothing below the belt, no face shots, generally weak shit
>I get fucking wrecked because spooky skeleton, but get some good shots in
>back to SupCom, this time change tag to Oppenheimer
>exclusively use nuclear weapons
>enemy is mad salty, crying nukes are OP
>literally nothing can move unless it has those stupid mobile anti-nuke bullshit units
>finally amass enough nukes to overwhelm defenses on scrub who wasn't careful enough with the anti-nuke
>my missiles will blot out the sun
>he gets fucked
>enemy launches counter offensive
>not done yet
>enemy army is turned to glass
>sweet sweet victory
>fight kid again, this time no gloves
>fuck blocking and win with early shot to the stomach
>back to SupCom
>the other team fucking masses anti-nukes, my shit gets shot down if it gets anywhere near anything
>bored and not contributing, scan through build list
>team loses because I did literally nothing, but I've been fucking around with ships and like them
>new match, this time change tag to Yamamoto
>build first battleship, pretty excited
>wait, this thing can fucking LAUNCH NUKES
>boner can not be contained
>build glorious fleet, fucking wreck all competition
>use ships to provide fire support for ground troops, we sweep them
>game two, two of the other team decide to go toe to toe with me in the ocean
>devise glorious plan

TO BE CONTINUED

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>>31952146

>be me circa 2005
>7th grade
>have a gerber knife
>'i wonder how sharp it is'
>run finger over blade
>cut my finger
>mfw

>>31961734
i helped take apart a deer that a coyote killed in my friends yard.

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>>31962137
>Sail out with fleet, theirs is much larger
>feign retreat they chase they carriers
>revengeforleyte.jpg
>OH MY GOD MASSIVE SUBMARINE FLANK
>BATTLESHIPS FROM THE OTHER SIDE
>CRITICAL ENEMY LOSSES
>ALLIES LAND GROUND TROOPS AND SWEEP THEM
>GLORIOUS VICTORY FOR JAPAN
>I've lost count of what game this is
>build fleet again, everyone just fucking ignores me and builds nothing in range
>whatever I own the Pacific
>Team is losing, some faggot flanks my base, thinks I'm out
>little does he know
>I have like 8 battleships at this point
>nuclear launch detected
>they had literally no anti nuke units because they didn't know about battleships
>glass the planet
>amazing come from behind win
>enemy salt cannot be contained
>Their whole team stands up
>Our whole team stands up
>No rules
>No refs
>Only victory matters

Fight lasted like half an hour, shit was crazy
It only stopped because nobody could move anymore, SupCom and fight club became a LAN party standard.

>Three years later, 6 of the 8 are out and about
>Someone starts shit
>6 skinny white kids versus the melanin hordes
>fucking into the fray
>we start dropping mother fuckers left and right
>they have no fighting experience
>more kids falling down
>enemy is routed
>cheer goes up
>literally best moment of my life

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>>31961718

>Mosin Nagant arrives in the mail
>Yay
>Youtube tutorials on how to disassemble it
>One of them says you can use the bayonet for a screwdriver
>now time for the barrel bands
>They're completely stubborn and wont move
>Use bayonet to pry them off
>Rifle is vertical and i am sitting
>One hand holding rifle near the barrel band, other pushing bayo into barrel band
>Slips
>Stab the area between my thumb and index with a fucking Mosin bayonet
>firstcasualtyofwar.png

>>31962191
>>31962137
Please be true

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>be 14
>dad comes back from trip and gives me a knife
>shitty buck knife he got from a gift store
>fucking around cutting something
>pull out new knoif to try cutting with it
>knoife proceeds to take its shiny new razor sharp blade and have the blade slam shut across my middle finger because the blade was spring loaded, but had NO LOCKING MECHANISM to keep it in the open position
>if the blade was open and out, you could just lightly bump it and it was spring back shut on its own
>only thing that stopped the blade was my fucking finger bone
>get stitches
>doctor says I didnt damage any tendons or anything and it should be fine
>hurts like a bitch
>at school the next day
>girl in my work group asks what happened
>"I accidentally cut myself with a new knife."
>she responded with "Why would you cut yourself?"
>MFW

>>31956205
Hey, I put a 3/8 drill bit into my knee once. We're practically brothers.

>>31952219
Did you stand there and drip blood on the blade as to appease the blood demon you awoke in the steel? If not, I wouldn't go to sleep with it in the same room, for you have awakened its thirst.

>>31956817
holy shit this fucker just starts shrieking haha what a pussy.
And then I watch him pass out and nearly died laughing holy fuk

>>31952146
>fucking with shitty wallyworld punch dagger
>Clicking in and out of kydex sheeth
>Husband bumps my knee
>Slice open my thumb
>It itches
>do the same thing two days later

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>>31956817
>sword guy starts shrieking and losing his mind

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>Be 10 years old
>Naruto had just aired for the first time on toonami
>Thought it was the coolest shit ever
>Parents leave to go to dinner or something
>Dad likes to mix drinks, whole bowl of limes in the kitchen
>Grab the longest, sharpest kitchen knife I can find
>Start tossing the limes and slicing them in half mid air
>Feel like a badass
>Only one lime left
>Like a dumbass I don't move my throwing arm out of the way before I swing the knife down,
>Cut my hand open
>Stare at my hand dumbstruck as blood starts flowing down my arm.
>Panic, grab handful of paper towels to stop bleeding and call parents
>They find me pale and on the kitchen full, holding a red wad of paper towels

I still have the scar to remind me. Also fuck Naruto.

>knife fuckups
I bought a kukri
Fucking useless trash

>>31960330
fucking kek'd

>>31963874
LMFAO BRO

>>31952210
>TOMBSTONE is best *frozen* pizza

>sharpen knife on my bed with whetstone in my lap on wooden stand thingy
>have to constantly adjust the stone,
>drop knife while adjusting stone
>stabs me in my bare foot
>at the joint of my ring toe

>Working at concrete company on the side
>Assembling jersey barriers
>Holding the upside-down frame, shoving it into the mold
>Shitty banding wire on it pops open, rebar frame under tension pops out at light speed
>Wind up getting sliced by SANIC SPEED rebar on my gut
>Deep cut, bloody
>Omg you need to get that looked at, CTG
>Nah
>Swab with alcohol wipes, bandaid it up and continue on
>Now have a faggy pink ropey scar on my beer gut
Aw.

>buy a cheap butterfly knife because edgy 16 year old
>flip it around while playing video games
>cut hand
>no bandaids/disinfectant
>driving to walgreens with one hand on the wheel one hand on the butterfly knife and one hand on the gear shift
>cut hand again
>patch self up in walgreens parking lot
>driving home
>would have cut hand again but just cut band aid instead

>>31955463
>who was sheet of baking paper?

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>>31964822
>driving to walgreens with one hand on the wheel one hand on the butterfly knife and one hand on the gear shift

So you have three hands?

>>31962811
I must touch your knee with my hand scar. Then it shall be so.

>be 6 or 8
>have a fillet knife with out any sort of guard
>decide to stab a very dense piece of wood with all my strength

>>31952210
>>31960696
>>31964685
Patrician taste anons

>>31962068
lewd

>>31956817
Lol what a beta cuck. I could prolly get away with fucking his mom and girlfriend in front of him.

>me
>stabbed hand cutting ziptie
>think "that was dumb"
>do exact same thing 1 sec after
>think "I am dumb"

Got to leave my mark in blood on ground at work. Worth it.

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>>31952146
>>31953227
>>31954550
the leading cause of knife related scars must be from failed ninja attempts. I was trying to be a ninja when cutting an old pair of shoes.
They didn't use stitches they just had special glue and I squeezed puss out from under it and eventually peeled it away.

>>31952193
>plastic wrap on pizza
what the fuck?
we just have a cardboard box here in sweden, no stickers, no plastic.

>>31953980
are you me?

>>31956817
how stupid can you get lmfao

>>31961718
based literary taste

>>31962137
>>31962191
requesting a screencap

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>>31963874
LOL
Even I wasn't that autistic

>>31955463
What is pizza pan
>>31952246
Shit is pretty good
>>31952210
Cheap sheit

>>31952860
>hoghschoop

>>31958949
>going into shock for losing two tablespoons of blood
>things that happen

He just fainted.

>>31969320

Yeah, people like that drop dead when they cut their fucking finger, it's pretty pathetic.
Then again, he cut himself pretty bad (I guess the 12y/o chinks who make these "swords" don't take into account just how fucking retarded the average 16y/o buyer is), and if he managed to cut himself any worse, the dumb fuck "friends" would let him bleed out while yelling "ehmagherd, dude are you okay" and trying to stop the bleeding using paper napkins.

>>31952146
I have an initiation right with each new knife. Where I fuck with it endlessly till I accidently cut myself, and I don't carry it until I've cut myself. BROTHERS IN BLOOD

>>31969795
Are you me?

It's not "my knife" until I've cut myself with it accidentally.

>>31969825
BROTHERS IN BROTHERS IN BLOOD.
Gotta learn its balance and limits the hard way.

>>31952210
Actual garbage pizza.
Freschetta is the best frozen pizza.
Suck my ass.>>31960696
>>31965438

>>31956228
Incorrect.
This is what happens when you bake a "Frozen" pizza when it is thawed.

>>31970004
It says do not refreeze so I just leave it on the counter until I feel like eating it.
Never longer than 3 days though.
It could go bad.

>>31970279
put.. put it in the freezer.. take it out and put it straight on the oven rack when you have the oven preheated and ready to go, you won;t have any problems.

one time I had one of those balisong looking pocket knives with the fold out pliers and some screw driver bits a bottle opener etc and one of the sets of tools in the handle lost their resistance so they'd just flop out under gravity if you held it a certain way

long story short i was gripping something with the pliers and they slipped, the knife opened and went halfway through my palm

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>be like 8 or so
>introduced to the magic of pomegranates
>try to cut one by self
>end up with tip of knife in hand
>pomegranate was good though

>skip forward several years
>seeing hipsters turn pomegranate into meme fruit
>tfw i bled for pomegranates once

>>31959120
you can't /thread yourself faggot

>>31964822
wait what

>>31952146
>be little shit
>be helping my badass uncle clean\disassemble guns and polish a bunch of hunting knives in the backyard
>"hey anon, look what a well done edge can do"
>clean cuts a list paper
>afraid as fuck to even touch the metal part of the hunting tool, let alone get close to the polishing stone
>"silly anon, it doesnt bite" grabs the one with a doble edge and a small handle and throws it in the nearest tree
>Thunk. "See? Now go get it before Aunt start's complaining"
>run like the impressionable little shit I was, unlodge it, but instead of going back, try to throw it myself.
>"Thunk"
>"Hey! I did it", grab it run back like an idiot.
>Just barely notice a little warmth in my hand, dont pay any attention to it.
>"Dont run around like that... (hand him the blade)...does it hurt?"
>"Hurt what?"
>"Oh good, sit here, let me get some bandages.
>look at my hand that is slightly ittching
>dumbfounded, stare at the cut for 2 seconds.
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" (What the fuck brain)
>stop screaming, look at the uncle, who is visibly chuckling
>"You l'right there anon"- aunt from the kitchen
>Y-yeah, just cut my hand a bit"
>Walks to me, notices the a bit of blood on the handle, looks at the tree, at the smug uncle with a box of first air.
>sensiblechuckle.gif on their faces
>What's, so funny?
>Turns out my uncle and my dad had the same exact incident, with the same exact reaction when they were young.

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>about 4 years ago
>drinking with my housemates
>we come up with the Genius plan to make grilled cheese sandwiches
>try to open a plastic bag of bread with a kitchenknife
>somehow Manage to stab myself in my left hand, in the 'fascia over aductor pollicis muscle
>thankfully pretty drunk and it doesn't bleef that much
>Wake up next day
>Not drunk anymore
>Everytime I stretch my indexfinger and thumb from eachother I hear this sickening fucking sound and the wound opens

Tl;dr: couldn't jack off for an month or something

>>31952146
>Playing with Tanto and Katana grandpa bought back from WW2 or some shit
>Cutting pork shoulders and tatami mats I made from cardboard
>Feel strong aura coming from Tanto telling me to commit seppuku
>sweet this is what I have been waiting for, I've finally been accepted as a honorary Jap by the sword
>Commit seppuku so I can see waifu
>Die
>Post this

>>31952146
holy shit, ive juggled knives for fun and only gotten small nics and bites. yall are some retards with blades

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>>31970362
Thanks for the advice,
I read a ton of literature and watch plenty of documentaries, but I have missed out on having a father figure or even a decent parent.

I've grown up to know about shit and I could argue about most current subjects, but there will always be that small gap in logic.

I don't really have common sense at the same level as a functioning adult should, and I am aware of it, but at the same time dumbfounded as of how to improve myself.

Thanks again anon, I almost gave up on store pizza.

>>31952199
Pussy faggot

>>31952146
>sitting in friend's car in drive thru
>trying to open a hard plastic case
>friend pulls car forward to get to window
>hand slips, slice thumb

needless to say i haven't actually carried a knife often since then. i just wanted krispy kreme, man. instead i got a scar on my left thumb.

>>31974282
>pic

how do you do this with out breaking your arm or something? That looks dangerous.

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> be dumbass kid
> playing with a knife grandpa made
> throwing at a tree in backyard by inflatable pool
> not bad for a little shit. But not as good as I thought
>bounces off tpwards pool
> be frustrated and immature child. Kicks knife
I shit you anons not. It bounced end over end almost as if in protest into wall of pool
> get spanking and all the knives put up til I was 16
Mfw
Yeah. I had it coming