A rogue gorillaphant is terrorizing the people of the Oonga Boogna

Easy, we have the ladies of oonga boonga rustle us up some bananas and watermelon, we put it in a pile and wait and then ambush the gorillaphant with pointy spears

>>30935401
Put the fruit in a huge ass crate and close the door when the beast enters. Then deliver the beast to the oonga boonga.

You get rich plus 10 fuck slaves.

>However, Oonga Boonga law

so do you all wanna live or no

>>30935379
Harambe didn't die for this :'(

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catch it in a big ol trap then shoot it with a 30 foot tall one of these sumbitches.

>>30935461
I mean, sure, virgins are cool and all, but bloody pussy is nasty, and third world nigger pussy is nasty. I kill the monkey monster minotaur lookin fucker and go home rich as fuck.

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>>30935379
5 for carrying my assorted creature comforts
4 to shoot curare tipped poison darts at
And 1 to be my manservant so that I may have somebody about to constantly be loudly exasperated at in a british accent.

>>30935451
The oonga boognas are sticklers about combat tradition.

>>30935379
Nail it with crossbows or modern compound bows.

Alternatively, a giant spring-piston air rifle. Like, the biggest ever. Specially designed for this task. 8 feet long in just the piston, mounted to a car, with a series of worm gears to cock it. A bore taken from an anti-aircraft gun. We'd only get one shot but it'd be a HELL of a shot, and still technically human-powered.

I summon spirit harambe be and he carries me to victory

Sneak up on him when he's showering and knife him.

How can they be horny if they're virgins you idiot.

>>30935494
> only use melee weapons and tools, not powered by any form of energy other than human strength

You just pissed off the tribe, no choco pussy for you

>>30935534
Wait till you hit puberty. You'll understand.

>>30935379
Horse archers lead the gorilla into a trap, then we poke it with pikes.

>>30935534

what

>>30935379
Set up the 10 warriors on an ambush with spears, fire, and swords, and unfaltering instructions to kill.
I want to collect the $20 mil. I have zero interest in the ten virgin women, who it is safe to assume will all be negresses and therefore valueless to me except possibly for store credit at the livestock market.
For shits and giggles and extra incentive, I'm happy to offer the warriors the opportunity to devise and submit for review a plan to capture the gorillaphant alive, and each of them can keep a negress if they do, with the understanding that the thing will be knocked unconscious, wrapped in dozens of layers of rope and duct tape, and put in a metal box, and at the first sign of trouble I'm stabbing it in the fucking eye and into the brainpan.
Any warriors who don't survive obviously don't get a negress, so any surplus negresses will be exchanged for goats to have something of value to cover additional operating expenses or maybe buy some souvenir "I caught a Gorillaphant and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" apparel.

>>30935541
I'm 28 years old.

>>30935538
how exactly do you think a bow or crossbow is powered fám

>>30935575
You poor thing. Keep your chins up.

Poison blow darts, thrown darts, spearheads, or arrows.

>Africa
>virgin women

No thanks, I'll just take the gold and shit

>>30935603
Fuck off.

>>30935538
oh I missed the "melee" part whoops

then yeah, i guess we just get our dudes together and try to nail it with pikes, this hypothetical got a lot less fun all of a sudden. melee weapons are basically all the same at the end of the day

>people saying they don't want the sweet sweet negro pussy.
You could shove all that gold and diamonds up your prolapsed butthole and rub them against your prostate and still wouldn't be this much of a faggot.

>>30935653
Most of /k/ isn't into bestiality, desu.

>>30935633
Looks like that guy struck a nerve lol.

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>>30935379
All y'all talking about pussy shit here.
Crossbows? Really?
Here's what I'll do:
>Strip down naked
>Prepare warpaint, made from the blood of the popped cherries I left in those 10 tribe gals who I requested as a deposit
>Arm 5 men + myself with long spears and rawhide shields, each armed with one of these African blades, as to their liking (num. 4 for me)
>Other 5 men armed with sling-on-a-sticks along with 5 poison-tipped per soldier, 10 lead/clay balls, and a bag full of rocks
>Have the tribal drums play as we embark out of their village, farmers, tribal craftsmen, and my 10 new wives giving us fairwell
>Use one rank of spearmen to hold the charging beat back, spears firmly planet in ground (a few spears will be broken but thats ok)
>Retreat from the field as the slingers make their shots (told to aim for the torso or head)
>See that bitch become a dented porcupine from all those darts and lead balls
>Fuckin gank that sonnabitch as the poison takes effect
>Climb up onto its back and slash the fuck outta it, all while shouting "OOGA DOOGA BOOGA NOOGA"
>Claim my rewards
Simple.

>>30935379

Large caltrops strung along on a chain would be given to all ten men. The men would be armed with long spears and javelins. The men would also have heavy war bows.

Construction of towers along the perimeter of the village with a deep ditch and surrounded by sharpened steel tipped Cheval de frise and palisade walls.

Of the beast launches an assault on the village the ten men could man the towers and launch arrows at the beast. Any retaliatory attempt would be thwarted by the defenses of the towers allowing a rain of heavy arrows and javelins to kill the beast.

If the beast will not show then bait composed of its favored foods would be laid out. Engagement of the beast on the open plain would be complicated but the soft feet of the elephant would be pierced by the caltrops and the chain would act as an anchor limiting its movement. Arrows and heavy javelins would wear out the beast and allow it to die slowly.

$20,000,000 will let me buy plenty of ladies, no need to bring it alive.

>>30935721
Based on the coyote / deer fucking threads I'd say you're wrong.

>>30935816
You have a point, trip.

*unsheathes katana* *teleports behind gorillaphant* nothing personnel kid

>>30935816
What deer fucking threads?

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>>30935891
it's a meme u dip

It should have been you not Harambe.

I would capture the gorillaphant and tame him, then I would not only have my 20 mil and 10 negresses but I would also have a mad beast at my becking call whom I will train in gorilla warfare all the while cloning him with the $20 mil that I got and I would have an army of gorillaphants ready to take over the world.
>but anon how will you capture him
I will simply get peanuts and bananas. Everyone knows that is there one weakness

>>30935903
>A "meme"
Yeah sure.

>>30935379
armored cavalry on horseback.

Elephants are terrified of fire and explosions, so whip up some molotovs to throw at and around the gorillaphant. This will provide a distraction vastly reducing it's combat abilities.

Cavalry will then resort to using bows or javelins while doing circles around the beast until it is mortally wounded. Once it's mortally wounded, use the horses to maintain distance until it collapses.

While it's down, spear it to administer the coup de grâce

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>Fortifiy the village with pallisades and dirt behind

>Make a open funneling point

>Build huge ballista at end of funneling point

>shoot the critter as it storms into the murderground

Gimme my money and keep your wimmenz

>>30935603
Kek

>>30935542
African horse archers?

I can't shoot my nigga Harumbo.

Id put them all in a giant sling shot and sling them all with long spears in hand. They'd all be naked of course (to give the animal confusion as to whats happening ) and all be covered in gasoline in case they couldn't get a good enough stab. So even in death the gorrilaphant would still be defeated.(by means of being burned alive)

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>>30935379
Well, they didn't say nuthing about traps, did they ?
I give shovels and pickaxes to my 10 strong warriors.

>>30935379
long thick pikes

>>30935725
No nerves in fatty tissue i think.

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>>30936875
Anon, he can only handle so much roasting. Be nice.

>>30935534
How can you be horny if you're virgin?

My strategy would probably involve some sort of pike formation and maybe have the pike tips laced with a powerful sleeping drug that may give us a chance to capture it

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>>30935379

>>30935379
I would just convert the beast to Islam and get 77 Virgins instead. Checkmate Infidels.

>>30937601
That's not how it works idiot.

So you're basically asking me how to talk a bunch of brown people into killing themselves.

Probably get them to try some kind of magic ritual around the beast.

With any luck, they won't all give up on the ritual and rout until most of them are dead.

>>30937601
Someone get this man a cookie... and an IED...

>>30935489
show em' a few gangsta rap vids. that will change their minds.

Give the africans spears.

After they've tired it out by getting killed, Ill shoot it with a .50 bmg rifle till I'm satisfied its dead.

>>30935379
Order my 10 Oonga Boognans to illegally get firearms and shoot the gorillaphant since they'll follow any order, have them get arrested and not me for use of firearms.

Everything went better than expected.

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>>30935603

UNDERRATED POST

>>30935379
Give them shovels. Dig a circular moat around us and cover it up. Bait the niggaphant and lol as he falls into the pungee pit and we throw javelins and shoot arrows at him.

>>30935559
I'd do it for the t shirt

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>>30935603

>>30939842

Clearly you can't read. He said no firearms, you fucking retard.

Shitloads of arrows spiked with fucking tranquilizer.

>Trade 10 Virgin women for a gorgeous sexually submissive /k/ as fuck loveslave that wants a life partner.

Go home rich as fuck and AIDS free.

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>>30935603
Brutal, anon.

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>>30935379
>10 virgin women
>known for their astounding beauty and horniness

>>30935379
Literally not interested in their women, sorry.

The first step is tracking it, that should be pretty easy given its size.

Beyond that, javelins. Javelins for days. Each man carries a dozen javelins, and a 15' spear. Surround the beast, and aim for joints and other weak points. The spear is in case it charges, just plant that shit in the ground and dive.

If any of them are good with a bow, bring that shit too. Aim for the neck

>>30940587
does she finish her off by smothering her? I can't tell what the last move is really.

>>30940687
Alternatively, tell the 10 guys to swear i killed it with my bare hands while i shoot it with a .50

>>30935379
A goddamn baseball bat, and not even a good one. Keep your pack of loyal faggots at camp. They were too stupid or cowardly to solve this on their own.

>Hey stupid fucking tribe faggots which way did it leave?
>Follow it's trail until I find it or it finds me.
>Avoid it until it sleeps while never completely breaking contact.
>Near enough it knows I'm around but far enough to avoid a charge.
>Time is my game animal exhaustion is nothing to man.
>Exploit that it doesn't have a fucking elephant skull, but a near humanoid sized gorilla head.
>Have it wake up to a baseball bat with a skinny faggot making tf2 Scout sounds.
>Try not to kill it with the first hit, but to see if it goes out easy enough.
>Check plumbing
>Not understand why I checked, cuz in still going to fuck it.
>Tie it up, fuck it.
>Drag it's bondaged tied up ass back to tribe.
>Shoot it in the head in front of tribe.
>Mow down entire tribe.
>Take all loot and go home.

Or alternatively

>Hit the fucking thing with a goddamn hilux.

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>>30935379
This thread took some effort and creativity to make.
6/10 would oonga boonga again

I ain't getting doxxed by vegans.

#dicksoutforgorillaphant

A bus.

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>rogue gorillaphant
>what I immediately thought of
I really should not spend so much time on the internet.

>>30935534
For real though, that's what I was thinking

>>30935603
Hot damn hahaha

>>30935379
I arm the 10 loyal warriors with SKS's, and take over the tribe.

I name the village "New Haven", and institute a constitution with a clearer, lengthier, and much more precise 2nd Amendment. It still has "Shall not be infringed" in it.

We then go kill the Gorillaphant

>>30939842
Hope you can afford enough .50 BMG to destroy an entire village that you pissed off because you ignored their voodoo tradition

>>30936647
It could be argued that a pitfall trap is powered by gravitational potential energy and therefore violates the human energy only rule.

>>30935591

by the energy stored in the bow?

silly billy

>>30942137

Energy from? Come on, you are almost there.

Is it chemical energy like the ignition of gunpowder? No.
Where does the energy stored in the limbs of a bow or crossbow come from? The person pulling or cranking it.

We'll attack it with spears all at once

>>30935379
>build spike wall set on a trigger
>have tribal lure the gorillaphant towards spike wall
>trigger wall and pierce the fucker
>have sex with it

>>30935603
Audibly laughed and took the time to show my girlfriend the thread to explain why I was laughing.

Can I side with the gorillaphant? I could just kill the tribe and take the gold anyway.

>>30935379
Are the virgins white and underage? I'm not interested otherwise.

>>30935457
underrated comment

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>>30942952
your gf

>>30935482
/thread

>>30935379
hire van pelt as my advisor

If anything is available...
>Set up homemade pitfall traps
>Set one group of men up with polearms
>Set other group up with bows and sling shots
>Lure Beast with slingshot/bow unit
>it moves towards us
>men with pikes defend us
>Beast set to fall in pit
>in pit
>net it
>lift it out
>cut off limbs
>get bitches and money

Good?
R8 please

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>>30943555
Forgot pic

>>30935379
Construct a giant ass net or trap, arm my men with heavy armour and spears modified into cattle prods, goad the motherfucker into the trap and win.

Or let the fucker fall for the trap on his own, then have my men keep it there with the long ass spear cattle prods.

Trapping pit.

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>>30935379
>just stare at it
if it has a cold heart
>bow snipe it

>>30935379
Use natural terrain to find a good choke point.
Dig a ditch at this point to disadvantage the beast.
Outfit 5 men with super thick and heavy wooden shields, they will be the pit team.
Outfit four men with ropes and blades, these will be the hammer team.

The best runner will lure in the gorillaphant, running into the choke point.
As the beast reaches the choke. Point he will be blocked by logs and the pit team, with three in front and two harassing from the rear with spears to keep the beast from backing out.

Hammer team will lasso the beast's limbs and cut off its hands.
The beats limbs will be tied towards its body and it will only be allowed to lay on its side.
A large cage made from thick logs will be built on top of it to keep it from escaping.

>>30935379
>No guns
>Surround yourself with 10 natives
>Promise of excessive wealth
I think you are all missing the point, since they can't beat it on their own they are probably planning a sacrifice to appease it.

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Sacrifice my 10 niggers to satan in exchange for superhuman powers and then rape the gorillaphant to death.

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Who said the Oonga Boogna tribe were African in >>30935379 ?

>>30935379
We will use spear guns from the slingshot channel.

>>30935603
My sides

>>30935534
I know this 16 year old Catholic (used to be) virgin (she's not anymore thanks to me :^) and she was the horniest fucking thing out there.

>>30935603
Lel

>>30935613
What, you don't want ten fetuses? You could sell them for stem cell research.

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>>30935559
Top fucking kek

Gorillas are stronk, and elephants are stronk, so gorillaphants must be stronk as fuark. No overpowering.

Get the men to make large brush "shields" except quite wide, with a couple stakes at the bottom to be stuck in the ground. Kinda like a short, temporary fence that they can carry and run with.

Find a cave or rock shelter, something like that. Make up some large anti-cavalry type log things, like hedgehogs or cheval de frise, or whatever. Have them suspended above the entrance with rope. Have some spare ones to either side of the entrance too, but put of the way.

Now the fun begins! We go out, taking some torches with us, and follow the thing around until he's nearish to the cave. We spread out around him and start to chase him. If he runs at us, or diverges from the direction of the cave, we use the brush shields to herd him towards where we want him to go. Stick them in the ground to block the path, then set it alight with a torch. Once he goes into the cave, cut the ropes to the suspended barriers so they seal off the entrance, then fill any holes from broken ones with the spares from the side, and make sure he can't escape.

>>30945902
This

>>30935379
this image gives me fucking nightmares

>>30935559
"I caught a gorillaphant and all i got was $20 million in gemstones and this lousy t-shirt"

>>30935379
>equip the loyal 10 men with modern weaponry
>kill tribe police
>take all their virgins and money
>leave tribe to the gorillaphant

>>30935903
I don't think it counts as a meme when people post their dicks in dead animals.

>>30935379
this fucking thread