anyone here ever say or do anything that got their DI or DS to

Why would anyone willingly take that job?

Keep eye in humor threads a few of them are amazing.

>>25188891
a love of the military life and all the benefits, plus you literally get paid to be a dick to strangers and they have to call you sir

>inna boot
>inspection day
>inspector going down the line, asking a lot of chain of command question
>gets to guy next to me
>let's call him recruit dumbass
>Inspector gets weird look on his face, like he forgot what he was going to say.
>"Recruit! Who...is the Commander in Chief?"
>Recruit Dumbass does not respond at first
>Inspector's eyes light up
>"Recruit Dumbass! I am speaking to you!"
>Dumbass stutters something
>"...t-t-t-the President."
>DIs watching from other side of the room, all looking angry.
>"Who is the President, Recruit?"

>"...Barrack Osama!"

>Senior DI and black female DI look pissed as hell, third DI can't hold back a chuckle.
>They beat us all like hell for that.

>>25188878
>Thinking of platoon name.
>SDS tells us to write down a list of names adn when he comes back in an hour he will read them aloud and decide
>We think of cliche names and stupid fucking names.
>He comes back
>Reads a few. Doesn't like them
>Reads one
>Schusters Roosters
>SDS Schuster Laughs his ass off
>Proceeds to say
>Fuck no, start pushing
>We all push, laughing the whole time.

>>25188957
>calling a DI "sir"

>"Anon I swear to God I am going to shit down your throat if you don't give me 10 more pushups!"
>"Your shit will probably still taste better than my mom's cooking, sir!"
>He couldn't make a comeback without a straight face

Saw two DIs break down in laughter during gas chamber day at basic.

Basically, a recruit managed to start coughing so hard that he shit himself and then was so grossed out that he vomited inside his gas mask.

>>25188878
>evening inspection
>recruits required to report any problems both medical and personal in a loud, military manner
>"Sir, this recruit had no personal or medical problems to report at this time, sir!"
>Standard stuff, we all say the same thing each time.
>Three weeks in
>Comes to Private Washout
>"Do you have anything to report, Private Washout?"
>"Sir, this private has too many personal and medical problems to report at this time, Sir!"
>DI stares for a full count of five, shakes his head, walks off laughing.
>Inspection done for the night

>>25189019
>>Senior DI and black female DI look pissed as hell,

I wonder if those people were like offended because they actually worship that King nigger or were they just pissed at the recruit couldnt answer correctly?

After listening to his speeches since the beginning and seeing what he has actually done since taking office,.. i have no respect for that traitorous lying nigger whatsoever. I would refuse to address him as "Mr. President" or anything else but "sack of shit"

These need to be capped I've not seen in the humor threads or boot threads before.

I told my DS i was going to be a cannon cocker. He lost his shit for a while from that.

>Recruits talking in the head
>DI screams, "WHY DO I HEAR VOICES IN MY FUCKING HEAD?!!"
>"WHY DO I HEAR FUCKING VOICES IN MY FUCKING HEAD?!!!"
>voices in are now silent, platoon is trying not to laugh
>DI gets the joke and a hint of a smirk crosses his granite face

>>25189169
That's nice, dear.

>>25189169
>didn't deliver on campaign promises a bloo bloo bloo

Welcome to politics, son.

>Amount of press ups during a PT session increasing
>Someone quietly says "fucks sake"
>PTI screams WHO SPOKE THEN
>One guy says "Manchester United"
>PTI looks dumbfounded and bursts out laughing

Turns out the PTI had such a heavy accent the guy thought he said "who do you support"

>be recruit inna 90s
>rush to shower before muster
>DI comes storming in when he doesn't hear us start showering fast enough
>YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS BETTER STOP STANDING AROUND AND START SHOWERING. YALL ACT LIKE A COUPLE NIGGERS (90s army was a different army) THAT JUST SAW A GHOST
>DI comes in ready to bust heads when we don't listen
>sees private hackit laying in the shower with both wrists opened up

He actually said he was sorry and gave us the day off. Smoked us for two hours the next day...

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>be me
>be lights out
>DI comes out of duty hut and is walking around, making sure everyone is lying down
>goes over to shitbags rack
>"Hey Johnson. Now, I'm not saying you should do this. BUT. If I wake up tomorrow, and you're just gone...I won't say a word."
>One kid stifles a laugh
>few more join in
>suddenly everyone's laughing
>DI puts hat over his face and walks into the duty hut.

Funny shit.

>>25189288
holy shit

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>>25188878
>few years after I leave the marines
>see my old DI in a grocery store
>try to have a normal conversation but all my Reponses are still curt and orderly out of force of habit
>"hello sir, how are you sir, nice to see you again sir"
>"daniels...you know we're not on the Ilsand anymore, right?"
>"yeah, so um..h..how are you?"
>"But I never said to STOP calling me sir either, you little bitch" and he walks away
>mfw

>>25189219
I like this one

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>>25189314
You are easily amazed. Fags kill themselves all the time.

>>25189314
They don't put the shower heads 4ft off the god damn floor for no good reason

>>25189316
last line
>sides GONE

>>25189288
What a fucking pussy.

The DEFAC near our barracks was under construction so we had to walk a couple of miles to another one. It was like a 45 minute walk. I asked if we could count the walk as PT since it was such a long walk. He laughed his ass off.

This ones pretty good.

>out of all my DI's, only one hated me
>we're doing final drill practice
>I held the rifle incorrectly or some shit
>That DI ran at me, oh shit I'm nervous as hell
>surprisingly doesn't yell at me, (he's known for making a weird, seagull like, high pitched yells in recruits faces for no reason)
>tells me how to hold it properly, he's in a good mood, I don't feel nervous any more
>he explains it to me, I forget to answer "aye aye sir"
>He sarcastically whispers "aye aye sir" as a reminder to yell it out in response
>get nervous again
>minds running at 100mph
>whisper back "aye aye sir"
>he could tell I did it by accident due to my nervous response, he's about to yell but turns around and laughs into his cover.

I got IT'd later.

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>First night with actual DS's.
>No more 30th AG fuckery
>DS says it's time for a tattoo inspection
>Explains it's to make sure nobody has graphic, offensive bla bla bla
>Says, "I swear to God none of you mother fuckers better have any 'thug life' tattoos or any other shit like that."
>Frog looking black kid from Chicago slowly raises his hand, "Uh...drill sergeant."
>DS says, "No fucking way."
>Frigger lifts his blouse and shirt up to, sure enough, reveal "Thug life" across his stomach
>DS calls every other DS in the company in to show them.
>Frogger is mortified
>DS collective faces when

>>25189351
Army I'm guessing lol, in the Marines, none of our instructors would ever talk to us like humans.

>>25189316
Hahaha holy shit that's a good one.

>>25189365
Fugggg kek

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one of my lowest moments as a person
>have a femdom/foot fetish
>in boot camp
>fucked on something or other but the only DI around was a female
>she comes over to smoke me
>telling me all the different ways shes going to kick my ass if I don't get my shit in order
>says shes going to kick me ass so hard Id be able to smell the inside of her shoe
>a muffled Wilhelm scream is heard as I get a very noticeable erection
>she notices it in the middle of an insult
>her face when
>turns around and walks away in disgust, leaving me not sure whether to be embarrassed or laugh at myself (I laugh when I get nervous, very difficult not to this time)
>pretty sure she told ever other DI because they'd always smirk if they saw me until I graduated

>>25189080
I thought that marines called their DI's "sir" because not all of them were sergeants.

>>25189405
Living the dream, man.

>>25189405
We had a guy in our platoon that would always get a boner in the showers.

>muh medical condition, drill instructor


Spoiler: his medical condition was a case of chronic dick fever

>>25189416
We respond "yes sir" or "no sir" or "aye aye sir"

>>25189126
I'd pay a dollar to see the look on that poor fuckers face. LMFAO

>>25189422
We had one kid who could always, with out fail, be caught looking at peoples dicks and asses. Another story of DS losing his shit
>After a long day of training
>come back to the bay and get ready for lights out.
>Already in bed
>SDS is talking to some other joe
>All of a sudden
>Disgusting Bruins fan runs out of the latrine
>"HOLY FUCK CLEMENTS IS SPANKING THE HAM!"
>Collective of joes assimilate at the latrine.
>Poor, poor Clements
>"Come on guys...n-no I wasn't"
>Everyone, SDS included laughing
>We ask for engineer tape
>SDS gives us a roll and is intrigued but still skeptical
>Tape off the stall in which the masturbatory actions occurred.
>Place sign saying, "Clements whack shack. Abandon all hope ye who enter here."
>SDS fucking loses it
>We get smoked for a couple hours, laughing the entire time.

>>25189169
>I wonder if those people were like offended because they actually worship that King nigger

From what I understand, Drill whatevers will get pissed at you because they want an excuse to smoke you and make you hate them. It's the same reason why coaches will jump your shit and yell at you for damn near anything. If you hate your coach but respect them, that sense of discipline is instilled and you work better under them.

In the case of bootcamp it'll make you more prone to accepting chain of command and you'll be working out a whole hell of a lot and pushing your body to extremes. At least, this is as I understand it by asking like, 5 recruits about their experiences in bootcamp. Being someone who regularly thinks about how to organize a military/militia, this seems to make sense.

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>>25188878
>Be at Knox
>Be on FTX
>My turn to sleep, battle buddy on watch
>He falls asleep
>I stupidly left my rifle outside my sleeping bag
>Wake up, rifle is gone
>Fuuuuuuu.JPG
>Go to DS, he has it. Here we go
>Tells me to go dig foxhole and come back to him
>"Then will celebrate your favorite holiday Anon"
>Curiosity peaking.....
>Do it, go back to him and see my rifle, sort of.
>He completely broke down my M16A4
>Tied 550 cord to each part, even the firing pin
>Had my battle buddy tie the parts all over me
>Lower receiver hanging from my Kevlar
>DS says to me "Merry fucking Christmas! Your the tree"
>I reply back "But Drill Sergeant, I am Jewish"
>He loses his shit, sends us both away
>Spend the rest of the day as Christmas Tree

And that is how this Jew got to celebrate Christmas at Ft. Knox.

So the "new" army doesn't go racial or homophobe anymore?

>>25189524
Course they fucking do

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This isn't really a story of a DI "breaking character", but it is an example of a WFT moment I experienced with one.

>be me
>be on cold as fuck firewatch out in the middle of Camp Pendleton
>everybody asleep in hooches, but one kid is coming back from the bathroom
>Short little Southasian DI of ours stops kid near my post (keep in mind he has a funny as fuck thick asian accent)
>"Greary."
>"Yes sir!"
>"You look like you could be one of my offspring. Did I ever fuck your mother?"
>"This recruit does not know sir."
>"Hmmm. Okay then. Well. Goodnight young padawan."
>recruit is speechless, keep in mind this is the most personal conversation I've ever witnessed with a DI.
>DI walks a few steps away
>turns back
>"I SAID GOODNIGHT MOTHERFUCKER!"
>"GOODNIGHT SIR!!!" Voice fucking cracks
>DI chuckles

Those fuckers are weird, man.

>>25189524
wow that sounds pretty gay

>>25189309
i dont get the joke pls help me

>>25189085
>>He couldn't make a comeback without a straight face
So he made a comeback with a straight face?

>>25189554
di basically told him he was a fuckup and if he ran away nobody would give a shit

>>25189524
It was pretty pro-gay when I went through.

>Nut to butt! Make your battle buddy happy!
>Make those bunk tight! I want them tighter than a man's asshole!
>Shut your cock holster!
>Shut your man pleaser!
etc.

>>25189554

Basically our DI told this kid to run away, and that he wouldn't rat on him.

What made it so good is that it was in the dead of night in a squad bay on Camp Pendleton. So it's literally dead silent, and then we all hear him walk over and say/whisper this.

>>25189538
BRUTAL

>>25189572
>>25189589
Some battle brotherhood. Hope the guy actually did something to deserve something like that. It's a good way to get someone to shit on you the first opportunity they get.

>>25189554
penis

>>25189316
Pretty sure you stop calling your DIs "sir" once you finish the crucible.

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So basically there was this recruit in my platoon that was an absolute piece of garbage. He'd fall out on hikes, drop his bolt in the fucking dirt, shave improperly, etc. It wasn't any help that he looked like an retard too. So our DIs gave him a lot of shit. Saying stuff like "How many cousins had to fuck to make you?", etc.

Then one day...
>"_______, get up on the pullup bar!"
>"Aye-aye sir!"
>kid does 1, then 2, and then freezes on the 3rd one.
>"Don't you fucking get off that bar."
>"Aye-aye sir!"
>kids arms start shaking
>"Are you fucking telling me that you can't even do 3 goddamn measly pullups?"
>silence
>"What in the fuck is your MOS recruit?"
>"Infantry, sir!"
>DIs facepalms and shakes his head
>"Get off the bar and come over here."
>kid jumps down and stands at attention
>"I'm going to give it to you straight. I say this not as a Marine, but as a man. You are a failure. If you somehow make it through the rest of training, I will personally see to it that you're stacking boxes for some Logistics battalion. You will get someone killed. That is a fact. Do you understand me?"
>"Y...y-yes sir."
>"Good. Get the fuck back in line."

This was in front of the entire platoon. This kid's dream was fucking crushed on that quarter deck. Sorta tough to watch.

>>25189563
Autism

>be at FLW
>pvt(let's call him rod) needs a battle buddy down to CQ for whatever reason.
>following him down to the CQ
>knocks on little private-wishes-to-waste-drill-sgts-time-knocking-thing on the wall.
>DS doesn't even leave the CQ office as there's about three of them in there.
>since we are looking straight ahead we are standing parallel to the doorway of CQ so we can't see inside.
>WHAT!?
>Drill Sgt, private Rod requests permission to speak.
>THE FUCK YOU WANT?
>Drill Sgt, I uh....
>PRIVATE WHO IS YOUR DRILL SERGEANT?!
>uh, (says DS last name with out saying DS)
>a gorilla like roar comes from the office with our DS saying JUST PUSH PRIVATE!!!!!
>Rod starts pushing as I stand there still as fuck.
>theyrevisionisbasedonmovment.avi
>hear Velcro in the office and suddenly see a SFC patch slide out in front of Rod
>what rank is that private?!
>looks up at the patch
>uh,...... The rank above Staff Sergeant, Drill Sergeant.
>suddenly nobody is yelling from the office
>hear: Well, he's not wrong.

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> Fort Leonardwood, 2006
> Week 7 or 8 into OSUT
> Hardly get to call anyone, but when I do, I call my family
> All I get from girlfriend are letters.
> Just wanna hear that sexy broad's voice
> Finally get a chance to call her
> Waiting in line when DS walks up
> "PVT, who are you going to call?"
> "My girlfriend, DS."
> "Has it been a while?"
> "Yes, DS. Close to a month, DS."
> "That's good, PVT. Gotta check up on her. She probably misses you a lot."
> "I'd hope so, DS."
> "She's probably wishing you'd call her. It'd give her a break from all the dicks she's been sucking."
> DS walks away.
> MFW I get back home and he was totally right.

>>25189727
DI did the right thing.

Someone's life > faggot's dream

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>>25189499

>550 cord M16 christmas tree
sensiblechuckle.jpg

>"But Drill Sergeant, I am Jewish"

mfw

>>25188891
innamarines, you're basically required to do a B-billet such as recruiter, drill instructor, or MSG for your career to continue.

>>25189727
damn dude..

>>25189759
As a former infantryman, I agree. Doesn't mean it wasn't hard to watch, lol.

>>25189754
kek

>>25189727
if somebody cant do 3 fucking pull-ups by the middle of basic then yes, he is a failure. Ive got a fucking beer belly and I can do about 13 before I start to struggle

>>25189572
>>25189589
oh i thought that he accidently said the lyrics of a song or something. Sounds like it would be some song lyrics.
"if i wake up tommorow and you aren't there i wont say a word bb"

>>25189727
>He'd fall out on hikes, drop his bolt in the fucking dirt, shave improperly
all of which could be fixed if he put in effort. It doesn't matter what his dream is, if he's not willing to put in 100%. the DI gave him the stern talking to his father never did

>>25189754
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship if I ever enlisted.

>>25189727
That's really harsh but it is what it is I guess. Not everyone's cut out for it.

>>25188878
A week before graduation, shortly after the crucible, we were allowed full rations, and as such, everyone was farting.

I let loose when the DI was doing inspection, and he said

"Private, did you just bust ass?!"

and I reply

"SIR YES SIR!"

and he doubled over laughing and the whole squad bay started cracking up...but that was the only time...any other time you laugh in basic training, you will be PUNISHED.

>>25188891
After a certain point if you refuse to do recruiter or drill you won't get promoted anymore.

>>25189713
the crucible is relatively new.

there's plenty of Marines around that never did it.

>>25189799
pull ups are actually a pretty shitty exercise if you want to judge a persons overall fitness. I am pretty sure only the muhreens do it.

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>>25189405
Nice

>>25189982
If you can't pull yourself up over a wall and you want to be infantry then that is a problem.

>>25189982
They just need people to run fast and carry heavy things on their back. General fitness doesn't factor in too much.

>>25189343
I don't get it.

>>25189899
Near the end of my enlistment, I started dating again. We're getting married later this year. It's not impossible. It just takes effort from both sides of the relationship.

>>25190014
harder to hang yourself from.

not impossible, mind you.
just harder.

>>25190014
So you can't hang yourself from them.

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>>25190000
quads of truth

>>25189343
What do you mean?

>>25189405

>Muffled Wilhelm scream is heard as I get a very noticeable erection

You're a top tier raconteur. A hearty lel was had.

>>25190020
Of course. I assume the cheating is because most people that go in are really young. I'm 27 and hesitant about being a nasty girl since I'm old as fuck by comparison to the people that would be around me.

>be me
>who else would I be?
>running out to pt formation
>arrive at pt formation
>standing at attention because reasons
>suddenly hear snickering from second platoon.
>Drill Sergeant is in front of some dude saying who fucking punched you in the mouth?
>NOWAAN DRRWILL THARGEANT!
>THEN WHY THE FUCK DO YOU SOUND LIKE THERES A COCK IN YOUR MOUTH
>what actually happened.
>private anon was going through his routine for the morning autonomous like and not thinking.
>starts brushing his teeth.
>but where is minty flavor? Fuck it, don't got time, just brush
>brushes for a full two minutes
>suddenly look at his toothpaste as he grabs it.
>its muscle relaxer
>literally could not stop drooling because he was so relaxed his mouth was open.
>DS hears this and loses his shit and walks off.

>>25189499
I heard of a guy whose DI hid all the parts of his rifle all over the area and made a list of clues for the recruit to go on a scavenger hunt

>>25189365
Did they do the cheese grater night raid?

>>25190000
climbing a wall and pullups are different feats. Unless of course you scale a wall by dead hanging from it and not using your legs and lower body at all.

>>25190097
?

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>>25190087

>>25189431
>yes sir
>no sir
Three bags full sir

>>25190108
What if you need to climb a wall after getting your shins blown off by a jap machinegun?

>>25188891
A lot of people angle for it because it's really good money, and some people enjoy the teaching. Also, there's lots of instructor positions where you're not SIR SARGE SIR.

On my basic, they would break character pretty much any time we weren't doing anything. They weren't exactly our buddies, given huge age and rank gaps, but even "in character" they made it clear why they were doing what they were doing and why we were doing what we were doing. They don't yell at you just to yell at you. If anything, they try to be funny because they know that we know that they know that we know it's all just a big fucking joke.

>>25189126
we had a girl do that (well, just vomited in the mask, no shitting) but no one found it funny

that shit is gross

>>25190000
have you ever jumped a fence ever? Climbing is all in the legs, and pullup position is entirely wrong for climbing a wall. What, you're gonna reach THROUGH the wall to do a rad pullup? nah son.

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>>25189469
>"Clements whack shack. Abandon all hope ye who enter here."

Fuck your greentext

This dude was like 6'6, he had the "house mouse" job but they called him "House Giraffe." Anyways, our kill hat was this 5'5 manlet mexican dude. He was checking shaves before a final drill. He gets to giraffe and Giraffe does this huge bow like a Japanese guy apologizing to his parents for getting a B+. Then he whips his face eye to eye with DI manlet. DI manlet cracks up "oh my god I've lost my bearing"

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>>25189169

>>25189499
Dubs check'd

Good story bro

>>25189982
It's actually one of the best exercises to see the strength of someone in relation to their weight. Not only does it improve grip strength, forearm strength, back strength, and bicep strength (that can be translated to so much more than climbing) but...

You're seriously telling me that climbing shit isn't important in combat?

>no one's ever had to climb up or down a building

>no one will ever have to climb a wall with 50lbs or more of equipment

>no one has ever has to climb a rope

>no one has ever had to climb a steep mountain side

>no one's ever had to climb a tree

>though unlikely, the agility to hang on something for your life.

There's a reason why Infantry Muhreenes are considered better than Army Infantry. This is one of those reasons.

>>25190141
I am not saying it isn't useful or impossible for people to do. Its just that its ease is based upon your body makeup and which muscles you worked out. Like any weight in your legs is just making it more difficult, your abs are basically just used for stabilization, and the primary muscle your working is your lats.

Not a militaryfag but I tried to be, was in the Army for 34 days and got sent home cuz I found out I had ulcerative colitis. I have a little story

>before recruits get sent down range
>no particular tasks at the time, so DS's let us sit outside the barracks underneath the giant awnings and we can ask them questions
>1 kid stands up and starts asking a question and he has the thickest most ridiculous southern accent I've ever heard
>gets like 3 words out and the 3 drill sergeants fucking explode laughing
>makes other recruits tell southern kid their question so he can ask
>drill sergeants sides enter orbit every time this kid speaks.
>after a few questions the kid is allowed to sit back down

Even just 34 days in I have a bunch of stories and learned a decent amount about how the Army acts. But I wish I could have at least gotten a couple years out if it :/

>>25190222
>There's a reason why Infantry Muhreenes are considered better than Army Infantry.

Only marinefags have that opinion.

>>25189288
>recruit
>DI
>army
Nice try kid

>>25190225
Maybe if you weren't a defective waste of flesh, you could have. Do you at least plan on eating a barrel soon to rid your failure from this earth?

>>25190223
>the primary muscle your working is your lats.
important for lifting unconscious guy off the deck in heat of battle

>>25190223
I bet if we grabbed every normal height and normal weight male in the Army, and compared them to every Marine in a pull up contest, the Marines would win because, guess what, they TRAIN IT.

And they do way more than the mandatory amount because people try to get a good PFT score.

>>25189475
>Being someone who regularly thinks about how to organize a military/militia,
armchair commander pls go home

boot camp is half a weeder course and half safety lectures

>>25190222
>There's a reason why Infantry Muhreenes are considered better than Army Infantry.
ive only heard people on /k/ say this, most other opinions ive heard of marines is that they're out of shape drunkards riding coattails

>>25190222
>>25190223
you don't do pullups to climb shit. it's all in the legs to get a boost up and find footholds

same with climbing rope, its easier to bring your legs up and push yourself than to pull yourself by your arms

>>25189469
You owe me some new sides

>>25190196
its still basic level physical fitness, there are lots of exercises that you could argue are stupid in the military but you still should have the strength to do them. we did pull ups in middle school for Christ's sake
>tfw the class record of 22

>>25189469
>Clements whack shack

I'm fucking dying. Poor clement.

>>25189748
>theyrevisionisbasedonmovment.avi

kek'd

>>25190118
People with dumbass tattoos get jumped at night by bunkmates and threatened with a cheese grater. Someone usually puts them up to it. Its a nice scare cause you can say if they don't get rid of the tattoo the drill sergeant is gonna keep picking on them. They don't actually cheese grate the guy though. Hopefully.

>>25190247
The thing is, it's true, Army infantry have this hilarious idea that we're the same in every way except for the culture.

But looking at it with a little common sense should be way more obvious.

Longer boot camp
Focus on training, not on equipment
Higher physical standards
The ones at embassies and guarding the president.
Way more strict culture (sometimes too strict, but way more disciplined)
More drop out and suicide rates (not everyone can hack it)

>>25190295
What on earth are their options for getting it removed? And isn't the waiver already on their record?

>>25190222
>climb up or down a building
legs
>climb a wall
legs
>climb a rope
not quite the same muscles, army does separate rope climbing exercises.
>climb a steep mountain side
legs
>climb a tree
legs
>hang on to something for your life
got me there
>muhreens are considered better
They're considered better by other marines sure. From an impartial point of view, Army infantry would be much better trained as infantry, considering that the Army can afford training exercises more than once a year.

>>25190302
>higher suicide rates as a positive
Are you kidding me?

>>25190256
Not that guy, but I can only imagine the non-intellectual retard who will never contribute to humanity in any way, calling some guy who tried something a "defective human being'

>>25190309
Brillo pad.

>>25190314
yodu physically don't use your arms for any of this?
fuck the marines you should be in the NBA if you can Kareem Abdul Jabar your way over fences

>>25190328
You sure are mad.

>>25190141
Cotton pls

These may be kinda unrelated but still hilarious.

>dad was an officer in the army during Vietnam
>setting up a demonstration to get people to become interested in joining the Rangers
>they set up a zip line that went over a lake, and they were going to detonate small amounts of plastic explosive underwater for a splash effect
>they tried quarter sticks, not enough effect
>then they tried half pound sticks and meh, made an okay effect
>"fuck it let's use a full pound"
>the day of the demonstration, everyone's there
>ranger slides down the zip line yelling "go ooooooooo raaaaaangeeerrrrsssss!"
>fucking tremendous explosion underwater
>ranger disappears into a huge cloud of spray
>gets to the end of the zip line white as a fucking ghost
>"YOU SONS OF BITCHES TRYING TO KILL ME OR WHAT? WHAT THE HOLY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"
>all 50+ people present start cracking up

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>>25190302
>More drop out and suicide rates (not everyone can hack it)

you think this is a good thing?

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In conscript armies the previous lot takes on the role of US DIs for the new lot.
Cancer ensues since these newly christened leaders are literal man children.

>>25189469
>Clements whack shack. Abandon all hope ye who enter here

I lost it

>>25190321
>ignored everything else

And no, it's not a positive, which goes into why I said it can be too strict, but my whole point was to show these retards that the USMC operates on another level than the Army, not by a shit ton, but they're still a bit more elite than the Army.

>inb4 muh special forces & rangers

We're talking about INFANTRY and pogs.

>>25190341
>marine intelligence
You don't have to lift up your entire body to do those, legs do most of the work. Your arms are there to keep you there, not to lift you up.

>>25190343
I am, so? You're still some kind of basement dweller lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LksYTLJpVE

>>25190413
As least I didn't drop out of the army kek

>>25190302
>longer boot camp
>focus on training
Probably because they get fucking abysmal training after they're done with AIT.

>>25190407
>Your arms are there to keep you there, not to lift you up.
wanna know how I know you've never done any physical exercise ?

>>25190472
SNAP!

>>25190309
Rusty fish scaler.

>>25190407
I like how you retarded sons of bitches are clinging to one thing, and even that thing is wrong.

I go bouldering, ask anyone who does if you don't need to work on pull ups to get better.

And my maim point still remains untouched (and rightfully so you contrarian fucks) that pull up exercises create stronger backs, a stronger grip, strongest forearms, and stronger biceps, all of which can only help in countless of combat oriented tasks...and yes, those pull ups can make the difference between failing to climb an obstacle by a few inches, or actually being able to do so.

>>25190222
>There's a reason why Infantry Muhreenes are considered better than Army Infantry

They're not, at least by the people who know better. They're around the same. The only people who think Marines are inherently better are the Marines themselves and civilians who know jack shit about the military.

>>25190439
Like I said, not him, if you choose to believe me it's up to you. Id much rather take a guy who dropped out due to a condition, then some fat nobody basement dweller as a worker, friend, etc

You're the defective human being, Not him.

>>25190505
>They're not, at least that's what the Army thinks.

Fixed that.

>>25190475
I know, these retards are so easy to spot. I do all types of gymnastics and I work on my pull ups everyday to climb shit easier.

>>25190531

>doesn't know there's two other branches

Typical Marine.

>>25190475
Says the guy who's clearly never so much as jumped a fence, let alone climbed anything.

>>25190341
You use your arms to stabilize, and your legs to kick around. Look at pretty much any person, or any mammal even -- legs (or rear legs) are typically more powerful than arms (or fore legs)

its why cats grab stuff with their front paws and kick the shit out of it, its how dogs jump and lunge, etc. I think the only major exception is horses, because they have a fairly balanced gait and don't do a lot of jumping around

>>25190497
>still having a 'tism fit over MUH PULLUPS ;_;

>>25190531
nah hes right the only times I hear positive opinions on the marines are from marines themselves and mallninjas on /k/

and people who do say they're marines themselves tend to be entitled self-righteous little shits. you don't see it nearly as much in other branches, or even other state militaries

>>25190428
I dont even know what to make of this

>>25190505
Incorrect retard, as it was already stated

>Longer training
>Higher physical standards
>stricter more disciplined culture
>the ones who guard the President and Embassies.
>Amphibian fighting force.

This thread was good until butthurt fucking muhrines and armytards started sperglord-arguing. This level of retardation is worse than /b.

Accept the fact that some fuckup couldn't do pullups and move on. I came here for funny military stories, not to listen to bullshit arguments about bullshit.

>>25190551
your arms don't do all the work, but they sure as shit don't just hold you in place, unless you wan to kick push your way over a wall like a retard

>>25190571
>Amphibian fighting force.

please tell me how this is useful

>>25190556

Just say Aye Sir.

>>25190551
>>25190550

I guess the Army...

>well guys, the Marines are done. Time for us to shine!
>OH GOD, we're taking contact from that mountainside
>Better call in CAS
>*BOOOOM*
>Good job everyone, let's go home.

ITT
>/k/ tries to be /fit/

>>25190576
This.

>>25190589
so what you're saying is, the Army is better at preventing casualties?

>>25190576
It always starts with a butthurt guy who's uncle joined the army and said some fake funny stories about marines being ass clowns, and he comes on here (though never having joined the military) and talks down on Marines for insecurity issues.

>>25189405
thats the greatest story i ever heard

>>25190584

Well, you see, you start off life as an aquatic organism, then you undergo metamorphosis into a terrestrial form.

>>25190576
Yes. Arguefags please go and open a thread of your own.

>>25190328
Thanks, anon.
>>25190256
>>25190439
>dropped out
Kicked out because of EPTS: conditions existing prior to service, so they claim, basically so they wouldn't have to pay me benefits or anything. And I thought about killing myself for a while but got over it. Don't plan on having any kids though. at least in making something out of myself instead of being an obese limp dicked basement dwelling faggot who doesnt have a single friend, has 0 redeeming qualities. Does it feel bad knowing your parents hate you and wish you were a miscarriage? I mean, my parents love me so I wouldn't know how it feels knowing my parents wished I was never born. Nobody will care if you die.

>>25190584
When someone ends up fighting another big war, or a war near 70% of the earth.

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>>25190551
are you seriously comparing the anatomy of a dog to a person?
and are you seriously getting this defense over a specific part to a greentext story?
congratulations, you ruined what was a funny thread. Do yourself a favor, use those legs of yours to jump in front of a moving truck

>>25190571

>longer BASIC training which teaches you jack shit as far as actual skills go. It's indoc, nothing more.
>Because the Marines don't have their fair share of fatbodies and shitbags
>what is a cult, Alex? And please stop hanging around the boot barracks
>tradition only, Air Force Security Forces are capable of guarding the President
>When was the last amphibious landing the USMC did? And BTW, the largest one was done by the Army.

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>>25190586
A-aye aye, Sir

>>25190642
That ass clown has never heard of monkeys and gorillas which we are actually associated with.

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>>25190256
Jesus christ

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>>25190581
>like a retard
its a way easier way to climb stuff

same for climbing rope

it's almost always easier to use your arms to just hold yourself in place, and climb by bringing your legs in and pushing up from underneath with your big powerful sexy legs rather than trying to pull yourself up by your comparatively weaker arms (because think of just the plain physics of daily life, your legs do a lot more work than your arms and are inherently beefier)

think about it. do you punch down doors or kick them in? what's easier, kicking a soccerball or football a bajillion yards, or throwing it overhand?

>lifting yourself with your arms
I bet you drive a pig disgusting FWD car too
>mfw muhreens confirmed for FWD drivers

>>25190643
>teaches you Jack shit
>lol it's not discipline, its a cult because I say it is
>bigger is better though we got creamed

Not one fact in there faggot.

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>>25190676
>bigger is better though we got creamed

>>25189169
>I would refuse to address him as "Mr. President" or anything else but "sack of shit"
Then you're a shitty American. You respect the office, not the man.

>>25189126
I knew a Drill Sergesnt who jad one of those. Then they started yelling at the kid until he cried.

At that point he passed him off.

>>25190671
You fucking DENSE IDIOT, no one is saying you don't use your legs, but not everything is a fucking rope climb either.

There are more climbing scenarios where you rely more on your arms, than there is for relying more on legs.

And for the sake of the argument, let's say youre right though, how the fuck can pull ups not be beneficial to climbing better and doing other strength related things?

>>25189169
Obongo BTFO

>>25190687

10/10 always respect the rank not the person

>>25190687
Though I think you're being sarcastic, that's exactly why he is a great American

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>>25190687

>>25190611
But I thought it started with a muhreen saying muhreens are better. both of you retards are cancer.

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>>25189405
glorious
>my sides have entered an orbital trajectory

>>25190571
>Amphibian fighting force
>Amphibian

>>25190834
>Battletoads

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>>25189316

>>25190709
>how the fuck can pull ups not be beneficial to climbing better and doing other strength related things?
red herring, I never said don't do pullups

I'm saying you're a sperglord for insisting it's so important and that MUHREENZ are intrinsically better because some document says that they don't pass boot until they can do 5 instead of 3 or whatever

>>25189713
>>25189976
what the fuck is the crucible

is that like getting your cornflake

>>25190571
You realize the air force has guys guard the president too right? There's an entire squadron over at Andrew that just does PSD

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>>25190357

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>>25189405

>>25190141
is that before or after you kill fitty men?

Couple of stories here.
>be Inna ft sill in2007
>rear retaining pin broken,weapon swings open.
>need tape every day to keep it closed.
>approach ds's office. Ds Hooves has his family there.
>"What the fuck now pvt anon?
>"PVT ANON REQUESTS TAPE FOR HIS PEICE OF JUNK RIFLE DRILL SERGEANT!
>Ds smirks And grabs tape.
>tapes weapon closed.
>runs tape around my body like twelve times.
>am now part rifle.
>"pvt. Anon, you will not remove any part of this tape.
>YES DRILL SERGEANT THANK YOU DRILL SERGEANT.
>his 13 year old daughter is dying of embarrassment.
>jokes on him. I'm wearing my pt shirt.
>go get help wiggling out of pt shirt, careful not to disturb tape.
>change into ACU uniform.
>wiggle back into pt shirt, over my uniform.
> go to formation.
> senior ds wuts hard.
>Ds Hoover is losing his shit.
>weapon is taped in port position.
> I don't have to carry my weapon all day.
>all other ds'son post go ballistic on seeing me
>just following orders.

More?

>>25189613
dude wasn't in yet, and part of the point of boot camp is to weed out the weak.

>>25191045
9/10 laff. Post more.

>>25191045
lulz yes, more.

>>25189080
idk if you are saying that enlisted hate being called sir. or saying they dont get called sir. because they do, you call all DI's sir as a recruit. unless addressing them directly
>Sir this recruit requests permission
>to speak with SDI Ssgt fuckatelli
>yelled at denied

>>25191045
Kek, more please.

>>25191045
Nigga you know we gonna want mo'

>>25191045
Keep going

>>25190687
>You respect the office

Respect is earned, not given.

>>25191235
3edgy5me the office of the president is part of what allows our society to function. whoever holds it is a different thing

>>25191098
Alright then. Ds Hoover was a character. He never wanted to be a ds, and it was his last cycle. He just didn't give a fuck.

>ds Hoover calls me over
>takes my cover off my head.
>puts it on his head.
>way too small.
>takes his campaign cover, adjusts it.
>puts it on my head.
>pvt anon, you will wear this cover at all times, in any condition.
>yes drill sgt. Can this pvt get a signed note to reflect these orders and to show to the horde of NCO's and drill sgts which will descend on this pvt?
>sure thing ass hat.
>continue day, scare the shit out of everyone with drill hat.
>this gives Hoover an idea.
>calls me over
>new orders pvt. You are now my voice.
>YES DRILL SGT.
>Hoover goes to find people to fuck with.
> finds recruits from other platoon.
>Takes my rifle and marches over with me.
>whispers in my ear
>WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING RPIVATES? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS. WHY THE FUCK ARENT YOU AT PARADE REST.
>knife hands,knife hands everywhere.
>the recruits short circuit at a pvt,wearing a drill hat, screaming at them like a ds.
>ds Hoover is at attention, staring blank faced, holding my rifle at port arms, only moving to whisper instructions into my ear.
>two of them break down crying.
>ds whispers were done and to move off.
> once out of sight he loses his shit.
>rinse,,lather, repeat for whole day.
>become known as the voice of Hoover.

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>>25191265
>the office of the president is part of what allows our society to function
"no"
Next you're going to tell me about some bullshit contract I never heard about until Uni and geneds.

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>>25189316
>>25189309
>>25189365
>>25189316
>>25189405
I am very much enjoying this thread

>>25191265

>respect the office, not the person

So how come the Founding Fathers didn't respect the office of King even though it was occupied by the batshit King George?

>>25191281

Holy shit that is brilliant.

>>25189067
This is hilarious with my last name being Schuster
If I'm ever put in charge of a team, Schuster's Roosters will be what I pin on it

>>25191281
>two of them break down crying
7/10 made me chuckle.

>>25190687
>Then you're a shitty American. You respect the office, not the man.

>Country founded on treason
>You're a poor example if you don't face the direction of the white house once a day and suck your back wall dildo

>>25191281
fucking brilliant

My drill Sargent one day told us the first time he killed a man. I can't remember why he started I just remember how quiet the bay got after.

>>25191281
Pls tell moar
>bedtime stories with /k/

>>25191281
10/10

I got to yell at new guys too in the chow hall. I was getting sent home for medical reasons so we got to be kitchen police and yell at people. It was frustrating, people dropping food all over the counters n shit by the buffets or whatever you wanna call them. One if the drill sergeants said to me "see why we're pissed off all the time?"

>>25191281
>>25188878
I'm gonna sound like an idiot for asking this, but are these marine or army stories? Or is it a mixture?

>>25191380
These are surprisingly comforting, aren't they?

>>25190357
They did that when I saw rangers graduate on an rotc trip.

>>25191281
Unfortunately that's all I got for now. Can't think of any more.

>>25191395
All army. Marines a drill instructors,army is drill sergeants.

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>Leonard Wood 2010
>We get issued brand new M4s
>Fokin shiny and shit, really quality
>Running boxes and supplies up and down stairs
>4th Platoon is doing weapons cleaning training in their war room, day before BRM
>Dumb ass southern nigger DS
>Been deployed 4 times
>"Naow Pri'ats" I dun wanna see no black shit on any o dat der rafles. Dey gotta be spotless!"

>mfw I see one of his platoon's rifles
>The entire insides, including the lower, buffer, trigger, BCG, all the pins, and inner upper has been POLISHED, there is nothing but bare metal.
>They were ordered to take steel wool to the insides
>They used bathroom bleach and Simple Green
>Not a single rifle will feed two or three rounds reliably, two rifles have broken firing pins or weapons firing out of battery
>First Sgt is on the line and is getting fucking pissed
>She starts going off on some poor soul who looked like a fucking turtle
>Sees the internals
>The cogs start turning

>All 49 M4s are the exact same upon inspection
>And their M249
>And their new M240B
>This Drill Sgt, who had been DEPLOYED, orders had destroyed over $50,000 of US Army equipment
>Don't see him next week, or ever again. Went to a "training school."

>>25191476
Dear god anon

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>>25191476

>>25189759

If the DI cant whip him into shape he is a failure as a DI and a man.

>>25190302


so you are saying the russian spetsnaz are superior to all then?

because they have a higher wash out rate and much tougher training.

>>25191652
RUSSIA STRONK

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>>25189405
That's some funny shit mane

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>>25188878
One time I was doing some lowcrawl shit and my DS is going on a tangent about how we're the spongebob generation

>Be crawling
>Come the fuck on! you move slower than gary the snail!
>Walks over to me
>That's right I'm talking to you!
>Meah!! Meah!! *Gary Snail Sounds*
>At this point we both burst out laughing for like two seconds
>Shut up and keep crawling asshole!

Everytime I ended up doing the low crawl after that, he'd make that fucking gary the snail sound to fuck with me.

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Female Drill Instructors...
Fucking Army Pukes

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DOES anyone have the Link to that American Hit list put out by isis? Or a link to the unedited / uncensored list exists ?

>>25189365
During our tattoo inspection in the bay, this dude had someone's last name on the back of his neck, and DS's were calling it a tramp stamp.

Later down the line, they found a dude with the same name, who had the first guy's last name on the back of his neck too.

DS's never stopped calling them butt buddies and shit, it was hilarious.

>>25189727
How far along was this? There were quite a few fatbodies who couldn't do 2 pullups the first day but by the middle/end of basic were doing 20 without even thinking about it.

>>25191885
If I remember, it was right after we came back from Camp Pendleton for the first time. So maybe about 2 months in?

>>25191885
20? Are we talking full hang pullups?

>>25191933
How is that even possible? Like someone else said above that sounds like a DI problem more than anything.

>>25191953
It was an exaggeration but you get the point. I don't think I saw anyone who couldn't do a good number of pullups by the middle/end of basic.

>>25190671
Climber here. All bullshit. You use your arms quite a lot for climbing, and doing pullups while gripping slopers is one of the best things you can do to improve. Yes you use your legs, but if you're all legs and no arms and back you're going to have a bad time.

>>25192002
what a good number of press ups for basic. I never joined the military but I worked out hard when I was a teenager to anyway.

I used to do 100 pressups in 2 sets of fifty every morning and most I ever did was 84 in one set. Since i trained alone I thought that was absolute shit and any army recruit would be knocking out 100s lol

How many are you expected to do really at various points of basic?

>>25189169
Oh quit blowing it out of proportion. Obama has been an 'average' president at best and worst, since an accurate telling of his ability was never able to be had with Republicans often blocking his bills just out of spite
>don't believe me? go look up a certain bill to give relief money to hurricane sandy victims, that was only a couple lines long, the GOP stopped it from passing because it was 'laden with pork'...

>>25192086

>full dem control of congress for the first two years in office
>pass nothing and argue about Obama care
>two years pass
>it's the republican's fault

>>25192086

>uses drones to execute US civilians without trial
>fast and furious gun walking
>funded an entire mexican cartel with weapons, drugs, and money
>if you like your plan you can keep it
>Benghazi
>IRS harrasment
> dozens of IRS hard drives magically breaking
> military action without congressional approval
> gun control
> continued and expanded patriot act
> continued drug war
> mexican immigration amnesty
> you didn't build that
> Ferguson riots justified
> uses DOJ to get back at people claiming they are racists
> russia embargo

nope King Nigger is pretty apt

Ex-Bundeswehr here.

Guys from my platoon got the DI to break character during machinegun training. They were issued a really fucking old MG3 (you could see where the Wehrmacht marking had been filed off from it) that had a sticky barrel cahnge lever that worked improperly. So our DI in full angry Stuffz mode rolls in to chew out their asses and show them how's it done, smacks open the lever, grabs the barrel to yank it out - and realises that he isn't wearing any protective gloves while touching a barrel they they had just fired some 200 rounds out of.

>>25192086
Nigger did you even read that bill

>http://m.townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2013/01/02/the-pork-filled-and-expensive-nonrelief-sandy-relief-bill-n1477710

>>25192194
So, like three real issues and a bunch of manufactured crap?

>>25192086
>>25192217
>a certain bill to give relief money to hurricane sandy victims, that was only a couple lines long

>$2.5M to fix a museum roof in DC
>$8M for DHS and DOJ to buy cars
>$150M to fisheries in Alaska
>$10.78B for public transportation
>oh and maybe some money for hurricane victims

>>25191314
Because King George wasn't an American.

>>25190341
"I don't know how to climb", the post.

>>25192223
Youre either retarded or a bad troll.

>>25192443
Seriously, I can name like three things on that list that are unique to Obama and worth actually caring about.

>>25189169
Being this mad at a politician......for doing what all politicians do.....on a racial basis.
So anon, how's the 1940's treating you?

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>>25189316
Rekt

>>25192197
>Wehrmacht
>MG3
What?

>learning how to shoot dat 249
>stupid deer walks onto the range
>everyone looks at each other and grins
>we hear "sigh....go ahead"
>only 5 people on the 249's have the balls to dakka the shit out of that deer
>deer gains like a couple hundred pounds and falls dead
>DI laughs maniacally
>smokes everyone
>smokes everyone who didn't shoot twice as hard

>>25192493
MG3s are basically just mg42s

>>25192493
MG3 is basically an MG42.
I think he's implying the MG3 was so old it could have just been an MG42 from WW2.

>>25190302
>longer boot camp.
Is shit. The training a infantryman receives in his unit far outstrips the basic crap.
>equiment vs training
just because you're poor and your logisitics suck doesn't make the training better
>higher "standards"
the standard in the us army infantry is a 270 pt score. Below that you're shit.
>guard the president
well, 3rd infantry division guarde the tomb of the unkniwn soldier. Its all non combat parade bullshit
>strict culture
what? This completely changes from garrison to garrision unit to unit, supervisor to supervisor.
>drop out and suicide rates
this isn't a gokd thing. Plus, the marines don't have ft hood.

>>25192493

See >>25192559, also:

>>25192561
In fact, the first batch of a couple thousand MG3s were rechambered MG-42s with the old markings filed off. And some of that shit is still in service in training armories.

>>25192584

>mfw I saw a changing of the guard and two wreath-laying ceremonies back to back on Saturday

>>25192194
> military action without congressional approval
literally every president ever
the rest is shit though

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>>25189469
13.8/10
Sides were destroyed upon re-entry

>>25190302
Your "boot camp" is longer because you spend too much time doing stupid shit like drill that you will never do again. Army basic is a combination of basic training and infantry training. If they made a good camp just for infantry guys you're damn sure the marines would be able to shorten it to 14-16 weeks

>>25190401
>implying boot camp has anything to do with time in te Fleet/at your unit

>>25191396
mixture

How did this thread go from side murdering stories to retards debating Obama and marines vs army and the importance of pullups?

>>25192584
Too bad your post fell on dead ears, or rather blind eyes. Whenever marinefags get told on /k/ they run and hide

I don't know how to screen capo but somebody should start. I want to see these again

>>25193018
The same reason carrier threads, ar threads, shotgun threads, and any other threads get shit up
>newfags
>/pol/ retards

>>25193018
Is this your first day on /k/?

I just want to know how nobody has brought up fucking wounded game yet

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>>25191476
I can't comprehend how anyone could be this retarded.

>>25189126
i whole hardheartedly laughed at the thought of that

>>25192086
bitch please, I don't think hes as bad as people say but he's by far the worst president we've had in a very long fucking time

>>25193028
shotgun threads only have to worry about 16gafags

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>>25188878
I thought just occurred to me, with all these funny stories DI's and recruits could have a potential career as a comedy writer. this thread seems way more creative then anything ive seen on tv in a while, pic related

>>25193065
>muh spread
>muh shitty shell selection
>muh high prices and superior feeling

16ga is worthless.

>>25189727
DI did the right thing.

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>>25189538

>>25189288
day off?
thats not a fucking thing even in army boot camp
we had a couple guys try/succeed and nothing fucking changed

>>25188878
>act like human beings to one another

Some Fin posted a while back that this was the last thing their DI's did before sending them off. They dropped the character and reintroduced themselves so the recruits would not hate the person, but the image of the DI.
It freaked the graduating recruits the fuck out.

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>>25191476
Ive been laughing at this thread for hours and now im pissed

>>25190909
certain phase of boot camp where you go for like 3 days on full training exercises, Its like the last hurrah of basic

>>25190343
Fuck off, Zed.

>>25193287
For the marines or army?

>>25193292
Back at ya That Guy.

>>25191809
This is fucking hilarious

>>25189288
> bullshit story, probably heard it from his uncle.

No fucking way a DI would say "nigger".

>>25193305
marines I believe specifically call it the crucible, but im sure every branch has their own version. Its like a final test

>>25191012
*Fiddy

>>25190087
Literally fucking snorted laughing fuck you

>>25191281
>>rinse,,lather, repeat for whole day.
Oh, my fucking sides...

>>25190610
Hes saying the army cant get the job done

>>25190205
>file name
>picture
we've got a funny guy over here.

>>25189288
>Army
>DI

I can smell bullshit in the air

>>25192194
I agree with that list, except for the drones thing.

Did all of the American citizens in the Wehrmacht get a trial?

No.

>>25193415
I was in boot camp in the 90's.
DI's said words your pretty little ears wouldn't believe.

Yes, "nigger" was one of them.

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This was pretty recent and I might encounter some people who were there for this.

>be at ft leonard wood in january 2013
>MP OSUT (yeah yeah, fuck you)
>just getting back from first range day
>get hit with a "health and welfare inspection"
>our DS's are tossing our shit, we stand there while they pat us down, etc etc
>business as usual until we hear a ds at the head of the bay
>"Private, what the FUCK?"
>everyone immediately snaps their eyes over to look, fuck military bearing we've been getting fucked over hard the past 3 weeks and we want to see blood
>DS coe (he insisted it was an acronym for "Center Of Excellence" and demanded we addressed him as such) is holding a small tube
>oh fuck, did this kid steal a round from the range for some suicide type deal??
>"PRIVATE, WHY THE FUCK YOU GOT LIP GLOSS IN YOUR FUCKING LOCKER??"
>entire bay's face when
>"d-drill sarnt, i-it was a present from my girlfriend to remember h-her by-"
>"PRIVATE, THIS LOOKS RECENTLY USED! IT FUCKING SAYS BABY LIPS, PRIVATE!!!"
>all of us including the other drill sgts are struggling not to laugh
>"Private, this is what you're gonna do. You are going to stand at the head of the bays, you're going to put your hands on your daggone hips, and you are going to sing 'my lip gloss is popping! My lip gloss is cool!' and you are going to dance, private!"
>"y-yes drill sgt"
>no one is standing at attention anymore, just fucking looking and watching
>the kid starts doing this gay little shimmy and sings as ordered
>entire bay immediately fucking loses it, drill sgts are trying to tell us to shut the fuck up but they're laughing too
>continues for about 10 minutes before another drill sgt finds a hot coco packet in some kid's pocket and we all get the shit smoked out of us, all while the "private maybeline" as they nicknamed him, stands at the bay and fights back tears as he sings


One of the most surreal nights of my life at basic.

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>>25194169
>private maybeline

I've got one. Not really a "basic" story but whatever.
>pick up E6 right after my 3rd deployment
>get sent to Relaxin Jackson for recruiter school (joy)
>Sunday morning, no training, all the fucking restaurants don't open till 1000hrs
>fuckit, chow hall tiem
>in a school, so must wear uniform even off duty if it's during "normal duty hours" (0900-1700)
>literally every chow hall on Jackson hosts some form of IET, I picked the one with the least crowding (the one all the 88M's go to for AIT)
>meandering through the line, by myself
>someone looms up behind me
>well, kinda. Little hispanic E5 with a brown round
>brim taps me right between the shoulder blades
>casually look over my shoulder
>just get a glare
>quirk an eyebrow at him
>glare
>shrug, turn back to grabbing expired half-pint chocolate milk cartons
>PRIVATE WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!! DON'T YOU KNOW AN NCO WHEN YOU SEE ONE?!
>sigh
>finish setting the armload of chocolate milk on my tray
>turn around
>dat rocker is just about eye level for him
>WELL PRIVATE?!
>"hey man, chill. I'm a Staff Sergeant. I know this is an IET chow hall but damn you could've at least checked first.
>eyeballs
>e6ranktabyo.jpg
>LET ME SEE YOUR GODDAMNED CAC CARD YOU PIECE OF SHIT
>"thats it, who is your 1SG?"
>he hauls back like he's gonna karate-chop me or something
>I yell, at the motherfucking top of my lungs in a chow hall full of IET privates, YOU COCKSUCKER IF YOU DON'T START BEATING YOUR FACE RIGHT THIS SECOND I WILL CRAM THAT CAMPAIGN HAT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU WILL TASTE FELT!
He did it too. I make him push for a good 10 minutes (DSs are fucking pushup machines yo, I was legit impressed). Then we go have a nice 3-way shout-out between him, myself, and his 1SG, and the both of us narrowly miss getting NJP'd for losing our military bearing in front of the privates.

>>25189268

>press ups

was gonna ask if British, then read the rest lol

>>25189754
I remember once I was on a 4 week course with the army. By about week 2 or 3 something like 5 people on the course found out their SO's were had/were cheating on them. I don't even understand how that's possible, it was 4 fucking weeks. It's not like they went away on a 6 month deployment or something.

>>25188878
I got sent home for medical reasons, so the time before getting sent home, despite being bored as fuck (counting sensitve items, masturbating in the latrine, sitting CQ, chow, repeat) it was the funniest time to be around the DS.

>getting paperwork done to get sent home in DS office with junior DS
>SDS walks in and after having a convo with junior DS about who the privates thought was the scariest DS in the cycle
>Turns to me and asks me who was scariest
>Stands at Parade Rest
> "You, DS"
>"I'm smiling at you private, you can fucking relax."

I was on sand hill long enough for the next cycle to start up and I ended up driving up & down Sand hill with the DS on CQ as an on-call battle for pvts going to the hospital, sick call, etc.

>Favorite CQ DS is junior DS from one of the other platoons
>Pogue turned infantryman from 82nd
>Guatemalan guy with noticeable accent
>Driving through Sand hill in Pup Truck
>DS flipping through his phone at stop lights
>DS: "Man, private... I dunno which one of these chicks I should hookup with."
>"which one haven't you tried out yet, DS?"
>"Theres this chick in columbus who seems okay, but there's a girl in Atlanta who's crazy."
>"Drill Sergeant problems, huh DS?"
>"That's right, private, Drill Sergeant problems"

>Driving on main post
>Stops to get a powerade
>Hop out of pup truck still wearing camelbak
>"private, leave that shit in the truck. Don't look like a fucking weirdo"
>"You can get a powerade, private"
>don't really like powerade but decide to get one to see if it's some silly prank
>DS buys me a powerade
>arrive back at battalion
>"leave that bottle in the truck, private"

>Driving late at night after hanging out in the field with new Cycle.
>"Give it away now" plays on radio
>Other Pvt in truck with me and DS
>"Do you know who this is, private?"
>other pvt:"No, DS, this isn't my kind of music"
>DS shakes his head in dismay
>"You know, private?"
>"RHCP, DS"
>DS nods in approval

>>25193048
You're joking right?

>>25194880
Are you the guy seperated for colitis? That fucking sucks man.

>>25192551
this really happen ? I am no tree hugger by any means but typically you get chewed out if you don't call cease fire when something like that is down range.

>>25194880
>>"That's right, private, Drill Sergeant problems"
lmao

>>25191045
Was his daughter cute?

First locker inspection. Mexican guy 2 bunks down from me is freaking out about something. He addresses the sergeant and holds up a pair of whitey tidies with a 6 inch long 2 inch wide skid mark going down them he had in his locker..."Sir, is this going to be a write up?" He was dead serious too, he thought he was gonna get in trouble over them. Sergeant busts out laughing "God damn son...what is wrong with you" walks away in middle of inspection and doesn't come back...probably to continue laughing hysterically.

I joined up fairly late, almost 26. I had been working in kitchens for close to 10 years at that point.

My DI was fucking speechless the first time I slipped up and replied with "Yes, Chef".

>>25195274
It was another of my dad's stories. It was during officer basic or something, and it was just the officer recruits and the DI. They cleaned up the mess afterwords. This was during Vietnam.

>Political garbage ITT

Fucking retards and their "He ain't my president".

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>>25190087