السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ, my name is Abu Ken

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السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ, my name is Abu Ken al-Britani.
I'm a 27 year-old British mujahid (that's holy warrior for all you kuffar) I train for jihad and spend my days perfecting the deen and reading superior Salafi literature.
I train with my replica plastic AKM every day, this superior weapon can shoot straight through Shia pigs because it is superior to any other weapon. I ordered it online two years ago and have been getting better every day.
I speak Arabic fluently, both the Syrian and the Jordanian dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Islamic history and their Sharia law, which I follow 100%.
When I get my Turkish visa, I am going to sneak over the border into the Islamic State to attend a prestigious training camp to learn more about jihad. I hope I can become an Emir in IS or evern carry out a martyrdom operation.
I own several keffigehs and thawbs, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I make hijrah to the Islamic State, so I can fit in easier. I always glare angrily at infidels and speak Arabic as often as I can, but rarely does anyone manage to respond.
Wish me luck in the Caliphate!