>be ooga booga tribes >be colonized by Phoenecians >get

>ok we're allies now, Pierre
>until they try to put Nappy's brother on the throne
>fuck no, remove frog from premises
>with a little British help, frog removal is completed
>great, we're totally bankrupt and in ruins from the war
>our colonies revolt
>go ahead, we have more important concerns than holding onto fucking Peru
>fight 2,930,343 civil wars
>eventually create a constitutional monarchy
>prosperity follows
>the eternal Burger wars us and takes our last colonial possessions because they're faggots
>don't fight in WWI because fuck that shit
>everything is ok until the Depression happens
>shit goes down the drain fast
>people dying, commies on the rampage
>Franco beats them up
>and we're poor and a fucking dictatorship
>noice
>eventually by the 50s things get a little better
>by the 60s we're booming economy but the increasingly senile Franco won't retire
>ok fine he's dead can we please democracy now?
>join EU
>during 1980s people have crazy orgies and rave parties to celebrate democracy
>Mudslimes blow some train up in 2004
>Catalonians continue to be faggots
>Bongs also want to nuke us over a fucking rock
The end.

>>73128837
>the eternal Burger wars us and takes our last colonial possessions because they're faggots

>entire Spanish fleet sunk
>400 lives lost
>one American sailor dies (from heat exhaustion due to stoking coal)

Say it with me!

you're an autist

>zort
>pırt
>zoooooooorttttt
>pıııııırttttt
>zartzort

>slava dawa rabadara
>REEE FUCK YOU SCHEISE
>REEE FUCK YOU RUSKIE
>repeat

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Greece:

Error: Comment too long.

>be kang
>surrender
>everyone laughs at us
>hopefully die soon

buy gold

>be kanada
>get colonized
>be cuck country

Just put us out of our misery already USA.

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>>73131791
What's sadder than a georgian larping as a turk larping as a gre*k?

>>73132018
your life you ugly dog

>Be vikings
>Do some neat stuff
>Stop being vikings
>Unite as Sweden 1250
>Get conquered by the danes about 1 century later
>Launch a successfull war against the danes in 1523
>Independent
>Become great power
>Secure protestantisms future
>Ivans destroy our great power status
>Make neat inventions instead
>Conquer Norway
>Norway leaves in 1905
>be ""neutral"" in ww2, become one of the absolute richest countries in the world afterwards
>Make some slightly gayish pop music
>Refugees

>invaded by china
>invaded by china
>invaded by mongolia
>invaded by japan
>invaded by china
>invaded and colonized by japan
>be independent and invaded by north korea

autism: the thread

>winter war
>MM 95
>Lordi wins Eurovision
>MM 2011

>>73132385
But you lost the winter war :^)

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>>73132385
you forgot to add spurdo sparde

>>73128794
>be god's own people
and that brings us up to today

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>random tribes somewhere in present day russia
>reside around the baltic sea
>live peacefully practicing paganism and trading with neigboring tribes
>hejpådig vi häv christianity for you :3
>farming and other stuff of that era
>the great finnish war
>alexander II declares finland an autonomous duchy
>my unique snowflakes we brought peace and prosperity
>1900s beginning
>russia is falling apart
>try to integrate us more to russia
>revolution
>fuck no we arent into gommunism
>civil war, nationalists vs communists
>good guys won and communists were killed in masses and put on camps
>peaceful living in a developing country
>ww2
>get attacked by commies again
>kill as many as we can but theres too many of them
>have to give them land but at least avoid being annexed
>team up with germans and go on a revenge mission
>greater finland is happening, we invaded back our lost lands and even more than we ever had
>germans fuck up
>have to retreat
>have to kill nazis too because of it
>have to give a lot of our lands and pay reparations because we were "bad guys"
>ascend into 1st world tier good country later
>be autists on the internet

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>>73128794
>Be formed by Queen Anne in 1704
>Win a bunch of shit
>biggestempire.jpg
>end up getting fucked by WWII and basically lose the Empire
>some utter cunt called Tony Blair ruins Britain in a lot of ways
>Voted to Leave the European Union

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>Swamp
>Swamp
>Swamp
>Romans don't care abt us
>eventually some Germans get here
>Be marginal part of Europe until 16th century or so
>get protestant
>cathies in the south
>whatever live together right guys?
>Trade some shit
>Remove Spen
>Sell cannons to Spen, while fighting Spen at the same time
>Trade above all
>make some cheese
>New Amsterdam. Neat
>South Africa, very nice
>Fugging Bongs.
>Get suriname. okay.jpg
Conquer island gooks
>gib spices
>Meh don't give a shit abt WW I
>Fuck off belgium we're full!
>Don't give fuck abt WW II aaaaaand Rotterdam is flat
>Bike gets removed by Germans
>Greatest ally 'Murica helps us against commie threat. Cool
>rest is same as Yurop i suppose

>>73133135
>good guys won

lmao

>>73132279
>>be independent and invaded by north korea
more like by the us
they got you christianized even though it was in the 20th century

>>73133974
Concider suicide

>>73133873
You forgot where it was a great idea to start a war to retain a stupid bunch of islands on the other side of the globe right after you'd just been occupied by Germany and had bombed out cities.

>be pagans, chillin and grillin
>Teutons come over "hello, would you like to hear about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
>unite the Baltic tribes and beat back the Germans
>Mongols leave a bunch of devastated Ruthenian clay
>sweet
>Lithuania stronk
>neighbours stronger
>PU with Poland and become it's bitch for the next few centuries
>get the worst of the partitions (completely under Russian control)
>WWI, shit goes down, declare independence
>Poland: we Commonwealth now Lith: wait, what? No no no no!
>chill for 20 years
>WWII
>raped by all sides
>rot under communism
>regain independence
>join EU, almost catch up to the west
>migrant crisis
>"wtf I hate the EU now"
>leave EU and NATO
>get gobbled up by Russian Empire v2.0

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>be a complete fucking joke for all eternity

>hunter-gather wiggers and sami deerfuckers for thousands of years
>ayo senpai we agriculture and iron age now
>rest of europe gives no shit about us, lets find a way to be relevant
>take our fancy ships and raid and trade with the continent
>settle new lands to the west, god kicks us from server for speedhacking to americas
>colonize our northern coast and become christians, greatly upsetting an autist living in france to this day
>norway rules all the islands of the northern seas and is good but pretty irrelevant again
>blacked.jpeg by great plague
>norwegian royalty dies out so a danish queen takes over scandinavia
>sweden escapes from denmarks grasp but norway is too weak, rip
>daned.jpeg for 400 years, norway is a poor logging station
>danish king allies with french bastard who fails at conquering europe, so sweden begs britain to have norway and they agree
>norwegians want independence and make a constitushon but sweden says no
>swedes let us decide many things by ourselves, national romanticism flourishes
>finally free we get daned.jpeg again as we elect a danish prince as king, try to stay out of ww1 it goes ok
>try to stay out of ww2 it doesn't go well, some stupid war stuff happens but nothing compared to the continent
>we all live like dirt after that for some years, but become one of worlds richest countries
>cucks are trying to turn the entire country into a muzzie ghetto but it might not succeed

>>73135690

We're not Africa at least.
White power(Asians are okay).

>966
>be a shithole
>2017
>be a shithole
hmmmm once a pole, forever a pole it seems

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>>73137812

ayo cows

>>73128794
>desert island is discovered
>Britain sends prisoners to it

Fin

>be kangz
>kang from spen takes over
>we wuz kangz
>fuck spen
>we mexico now
>france wants cake back
>fuck off
>never pay cake
>uh oh
>burgers want war
>lose half of the country to LOS ESTADOS JUDIOS DE AMERICA
>they are now LOS HISPANOS JUDIOS DE AMERICA
>have a revolution with commies and shit but eventually end up with a president
>almost accept helping the krauts in WWI but had burgers breathing on our neck
>same on WWII but Adolf sunk one of our ships in a very WWI America fashion
>help the burgers delete gooks and liberate the flips
>go down the shitter as a hellhole without heads

>"gib freedoms"
>"no"
>fighting
This applies to most events in burgerland history

>we wuz Gauls
>we wuz part of the Roman empire
>we wuz Franks and kangz of the Carolingian empire
>we wuz independent Flanders
>we wuz part of Burgundy
>we wuz part of the Spanish empire
>we wuz part of the Netherlands
>we wuz independent
>we iz just as irrelevant now as when we wuz Gauls

England

Prehistory
>Named madmen
Antiquity
>Invaded by Romans
Late antiquity
>Invaded by Germans
Early medieval
>Invaded by danes
>Invaded by Normans (French)
High and late medieval
>ruled by Plantagenets (French nobility)
> rural backwater shithole rebellious province of France
>Ruled by the Tudors (welsh dynasty)
Early modern
>Ruled by stuarts (Scottish dynasty)
>Invaded and ruled by Dutch orange faggots.
Enlightenment
>Ruled by Hanover (German)
Victorian
>Hot then fat Queen Victoria (German)
Modern period
>Ruled by the House of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha (German)
>Ww2 (greatest moment in British history
>Ruled by globalists.

Sorry but when exactly was England ever ruled by its own native people? And i thought the Czech republic had a sad history after their nobility got replaced by Germans. That's NOTHING compared to England.

>be some cannibal redskin lads
>hey wtf are these guys on the sea
>get colonized by Portugal
>trade wood for mirrors and axes
>we're christians now
>hey, let's buy some african slaves
>plant sugar
>get invaded by dutchmen
>John Maurice is a fucking god
>once he's gone, the portuguese take back the colony
>find gold and other nice ores
>>Portugal is rich af now
>feels good
>start to plant coffee
>the colony is growing, hooray
>some Pierre savage fucker is invading every european country
>the portuguese crown flees to Brazil
>we're a United Kingdom now, and Rio's the capital
>grow as never before
>Pierre's gone, the court goes back to Portugal
>except for this single fucker called Pedro de Alcantara, curiously our prince
>the portuguese gov tries to relegate us back to colony
>fuck this, we're going independent now
>wars and revolts
>Britain makes Cisplatina go independent from us
>Pedro I, now our emperor, is unpopular as fuck
>goes back to Portugal to kill his asshole brother
>his son is only 5, regency starts
>regency is shit
>Pedro II becomes emperor at 14
>we slowly solve the revolts that started during the regency
>rape Argentina
>growing moar
>surprise sex with Uruguay, install a pro-empire goverment there
>Paraguay didn't like it
>gang rape Paraguay
>abolish slavery
>slave owners didn't like it, we're a republic now
>our Republic is shit, but better than the regency
>WWI
>kill porpoises believing they're german submarines
>we're retarded
>1929 hits hard, nobody buys our coffee
>Getulio fucking Vargas says he'll solve the problem
>7 years of provisory goverment with Vargas
>fuck this, we're a dictatorship now
>Vargas industrializes the country
>join allies at the end of the war
>WWII is over
>Vargas' dictatorship is over, but he is democratically elect later
>Vargas suicides
>shitty presidents
>JK is an absolute madman, 50 years in 5 (but debts grow)
>moar shitty presidents
>shitty dictatorship implanted by americans
>dictatorship is over, shitty democracy now