>be bong >go to have supper >knife license has expired

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Anonymous
2016-11-13 03:59:58 Post No.
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Anonymous 2016-11-13 03:59:58 Post No. [Report]

>be bong
>go to have supper
>knife license has expired
>have to go down to renewing agency
>it's closed for Ramadan
>have to cut Beef Wellington with keys
>get arrested for possessing deadly keys and for not fasting during Ramadan

Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:03:58 Post No.67354045
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Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:03:58 Post No.67354045 [Report]

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>>67353970

Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:04:36 Post No.67354052
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Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:04:36 Post No.67354052 [Report]

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>>67353970

Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:05:53 Post No.67354073
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Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:05:53 Post No.67354073 [Report]

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>Be British
>Wake up
>Remind /ck/ that we enjoy the traditional English breakfast and they're all uncultured and plebs
>Create another thread about how only us Britons can brew tea correctly
>Make some Lipton tea to which I add copious amounts of milk and sugar in order to cover up the chlorine taste
>As for breakfast I skillfully craft frozen "pork faggots" to which I add marmite in an attempt to convince myself I actually like it
>Go to the bathroom and take a shit
>CCTV camera above my toilet spots me not using adequate amounts of toilet paper
>Fined £250
>Open /o/
>Find any thread I can about American cars, shitpost about them and how they're all terrible
>Time to leave for work!
>As I'm walking to my 400cc Renault LeHomeau I notice my neighbor Muhammad has also purchased the same car. I'm envious as his wife let him buy the Super Sport Premium Sport XTFRS-KR version which is 430cc which is a blazing-fast 34 seconds to 100kph.
>Head back inside to shitpost on /o/ some more about American car quali- bollocks did my plastic door panel just fall off again
>Okay now I'm late so I really need to leave for work now
>The CCTV camera in my driveway catches this and I'm fined £500 for improper vehicle maintenance
>The fine didn't actually show up for seven days
>Receive another fine for £600 not paying the aforementioned fine within two days of the infraction
>Pull my phone out
>Make a thread on /o/ about how I'm going to be driving on glorious European roads and how Americans are jealous
>Merge onto the A4
>After 28 seconds I'm finally at the speed limit
>Fined £120 for inadequate acceleration
>Traffic up ahead causing me to brake harshly
>Get rear-ended by Achmed Jihadfalafelallah
>Ask him for insurance information
>He doesn't have insurance
>Call the police
>Fined £5,000 for being insensitive to Achmed's feelings

Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:05:58 Post No.67354074
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Anonymous 2016-11-13 04:05:58 Post No.67354074 [Report]

>Be AUS
>go to shit
>bit by poisoness spider
>nearest hospital 80 miles away
>get stuck halfway due to abo on road
>abo steals petrol
>have to walk
>mugged by emus
>call it a cunt and walk away
>lynched by more emus
>die