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>make the line to buy movie tickets by myself >there's

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>make the line to buy movie tickets by myself
>there's like 20 people in the line, not a single person except me is alone
>suddenly I find myself tackled to the ground and handcuffed
>I fucking forgot it became illegal in my state to go to theater alone

Any other countries know this feel or is this a US thing only?
What shit state do you live in?
That's not actually a thing, though, right?
I believe this is not bait, read about it somewhere
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>going to the cinema alone
Why not? They serve booze and gourmet food.

The best way to start the night.
I did 2 weeks ago, might go again tomorrow to watch the new James Bond movie if its out.
Why would you actually go to the cinema alone? I mean, you seem to own a computer, and it seems to have a display and an Internet connection.
It's called a no singles policy.

It's actually quite common since lone males rarely buy things anyway. It started in bars, but more places are doing it now because there's an alleged drop in crime and being single or alone isn't a protected class.
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>in concession line for cooler filled with melted butter at cinéma
>the guard in the watchtower shines his searchlight on me
Well fuck, that sounded pretty feasible if you ask me.
>19 years old
>still no kino license
>tfw even if I passed the test I would be no more able to see films because of the No Singles Policy
For the cinema experience? Or to blow it up? (If Muslim) or shoot it up if r9k poster.

Muh freedom

So happy that's illegal here.
>be murrican
>want to watch a movie in a cinema
>have to hire a hooker

There are no singles policies all around British cinemas.
Yeah I felt weirdly at home when I went to the movies in bongland, only weird thing was the lack of bird cages above the seats
I've never heard of something like this before, but I suppose it makes sense.

My local cinema underneath my apartment is pretty great, though I haven't decided to venture out and try other ones.

Autism is crippling
Single dudes are the ones shooting up theaters so I guess it kinda makes sense
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>take my seat nice and early
>movie starts
>attendant approaches me
>he wants to clean out the birdcage above me
>have to stand up while he cleans it out
>guy behind can't see and starts swearing at me
>bird gets pissed off and starts screeching and rattling the cage
>spills water dish on the woman in front of me
>everyone in the cinema has stopped watching the movie and is turning and glaring at me
>attendant finally finishes up and lets me sit down again
>have a sip of my drink
>it's full of bird seed

did you at least tip him?
>birdcage above me

What? Were you at a zoo?
Of course I did I'm not a poor jobless NEET failure. Gave him the standard 75%. At the end of the movie I spoke with the manager about it and got a coupon for some free live mice on my next visit.
>go to theater to see the new James Bond film
>no singles policy, but I figure I'll just buy two tickets like I always do
>pay with my mom's credit card
>cashier gives me a short code and directs me to some new machine that is supposed to give me my ticket
>I walk over, impressed with my theater for having a sleek new machine
>I put in the code
>machine asks me to pick my seats, so I do... E7 and E8
>then it asks me to put my thumb against screen
>I do it
>after a little wheel animation spins around, the machine confirms my thumbprint and asks for the thumbprint of the "second customer"
>start to panic
>look around, cashier is looking in my direction, but my back is to her
>I look back at the screen and put my other thumb against the screen to see if that works
>wheel turns
>"This thumbprint is already registered. Please use different thumb."
>what the fuck
>feel sweat beads running down my back
>Cashier is still looking at me
>A long line is starting to form behind me, but I've paid $60 for the tickets, so I can't turn back now
>unzip dick
>stand on my toes and press it against the screen
>wheel turns
>"Could not confirm thumb"
>suddenly, an alarm goes off and two black guards grab me and escort me out of the theater with my dick still hanging out
>get home and mom screams at me for paying $60 to see a shitty Bond flick
Not illegal in my state, but last time I went to the theater solo, I had a group of teenagers laugh at me, kick my seat, and throw popcorn in my hair for 30 minutes before I left in shame not even halfway through the movie.

Beta uprising when?
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Why would you include Russia and Ukraine in a map of Europe lol
>no Sicily
>no Georgia

Is "bird cage" some weird slang or do you literally have birds above the seats at theatres in America?
>Go to Theatre downtown
>Brought my falconette (Lisa) to get past the no singles policy (We're common law married)
>They let me in no problems
>No Theater operator is Muslim and has banned popcorn because it's not halal
>I ask for some sort of replacement snack
>He pulls a huge, 20 pound bag of imported, uncooked rice onto the counter
>He fills my cup with dry grains of rice and tells me it's just a s good
>Okay fine, I take it but I ask for some Live Mice to feed Lisa, my wife
>Mice are halal too (what the fuck?)
>Ask for another replacement
>He gives me some live Death's-head Hawkmoths, "the jew of the animal world" (???)
>Take Lisa and out snacks to the shower room
>Men's showers are broken so I have to use the birdbath with Lisa
>It's dirty, stagnant, and filled with litter
>Finally get to out seats after our gross bath
>Jem and the Holograms, things seem good so far
>Liza DOES NOT like the moths, I try to calm her down but she starts screeching and circling, looking for prey (luckily it was only us in the theater)
>I try eating the rice grains, it's fucking hard
>halfway through the flick I get the "grumpy dumpies"
>Run to the bathroom and shoot buckshot out my ass because of the undigested rice
>I pass out from rectal bleeding in the stall
>Lisa found me 4 hours later
>Get fined for the mess: $5,000 plus 75% tip

it was a good time
Nice dubs

I "screamed" at some teenagers in the local cinema two weeks ago when they wound't shut up during the movie. Everyone else was in agreement when I spoke up.
It's a federal law
bird cages are very popular in American theatres in the south
the pigeons keep the flies from buzzing while you're trying to watch a movie.
the shit sucks though sometimes
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>no singles policy
i-i want to give them money and they still bully me
You guys don't have live ambiance in your theaters?
>the shit sucks though sometimes

just wear a raincoat dude

or are those banned in your state?
A lot of public business keep birds around to eat insects. Airports all do.

Many outdoor malls or amusement parks keep cats for the same reason
That's absurd.
Here in Florida raincoats are kosher but dusters have been technically illegal since Columbine
Don't know about him but raincoats have been made illegal here in Wisconsin. You can wear a rain cape or use an umbrella but you need a license.
most people get annoyed at your bright they are. plus i don't want to seem intolerant to birds rights or i might get thrown out
It's pigeons or mosquitos

Dengue Fever is actually not uncommon along the Gulf Coast, and birds are used because it's illegal to spray aerosol pesticides in enclosed public spaces
Did they at least gave you the shampoo and soap back?

>mfw bongistanis live in such an overcrowded socialist shithole their animals cant even get simple minimum wage jobs
Any kind of non-Islamic headwear has been banned here in California. The only raincoats you can buy here have no hood, which kind of renders them useless.
Where can you get rain capes? In Mississippi I've never seen one. I usually just wear an old hat.

The chance of being shat on is quite low, however. It's only happened to me once.
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You just have to be prepared, it's easy to go to the cinema alone.
Just get a Niqab, they work fine
what is this autistic shit
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>postin /tv/ meems outside /tv/
You can find them at most large retailers but they're only able to stock ones in transparent plastic material every since legislation was passed back in the late nineties. Similar to >>51026113 in that full and mid length coats and jackets are no longer legal.
>not having an official Prime Ministerial cat

Funny thing is most of the countries that have banned the niqab are Islamic, they are completely impractical and frankly I don't trust somebody who covers their face in a public place like that.
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Fellow Commiefornian here. Just a couple years ago it was fine to wear a facekini to avoid the bird plops until theaters started installing that facial detection bullshit on the doors

Women are lucky because they can use those hijab swim suit things. Meanwhile men have to suffer getting crapped on. I wish we had some equivalent to the waterproof hijab thing
>Going to Chunky's and getting a burger and beer while you watch a movie
Non New Englanders will never know this feel
>go to movie alone
>i've lost countless friends in the past week for being single.
>instead of going to real theater i decide to go to a speakeasy theater that allows singles
>use the secret code, use the shower and walk into my theater.
>surrounded by singles with body pillows and sex dolls
>they immediately shift their eyes toward me and start giving me really concerned looks
>one starts shrieking, "he's alone"
>end up getting tackled by the bouncers
>laughed and ridiculed for coming alone and not with a body pillow or sex doll
>get kicked out on to the street without my bathroom supplies that i left in shower
Lmao no wonder you have school shootings
>lets alienate alienated people even more
>going to the cinema
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>a city ordinance for my town is going to expand the no singles policy to public transportation, starting with buses
>goes into effect in 2016

i have literally a month and a half to move out of here before it becomes impossible for me to leave
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>walk into lobby alone
>try to stand close to a group of dudes so I can bypass the no singles policy
>while walking to the theater an usher stops me to verify if I have someone with me
>crab legs I tried to sneak in fall out of my coat pocket
>Sir do you think we serve crab legs at this establishment?
>spaghetti myself out the exit

I was so close
>walk up to boothkeeper with my disguised manikin
>"two tickets for The Night Before please"
>replies "sir you cant walk in with that"
>i start sweating profusely
>"w-what do you mean?"
>"you can only buy one ticket, you have to leave that thing outside the theater"
>'theater' dafuck.jpg
>are they that lax on the no-singles policy?
>I get my ticket and somehow make it passed the stubkeeper without any frisking
>ask him where the showers are since i was still a mess from the panic sweats earlier
>tells me "very funny sir, please move along"
>keep looking around, only found a bathroom, had to wash myself in the waist-high sinks
>is this some euro run place?
>I go to get concessions since my hands are normally full with my mani
>"large crab legs, extra butter"
>gives me the same response as the stubkeep.
>only serves candy and some "popped" corn
>felt rused, shits like eating crab shells, no soft meat in them whatsoever
>get to the showing hall, lots of people there
>amazingly find several empty primo seats right in front of the screen
>usually filled since they're farthest from the cages, maybe a bird watching trip was in here
>realize after the movie starts i dont have a fork and plate to eat this corn
>try pouring it into my mouth but kept choking and making a mess
>over halfway thru the flick realize we hadnt stopped for prayer
>got more panic sweats as i must have missed the opt-in prayers before the movie started
>try to sneak out thru emergency exit
>set off alarms
>try to fight off security
>cops are called
>be american
>dont get shot (???)
>taken to holding
>cellmate gave me a penis inspection
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/tv/ is love, /tv/ is life
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I run a service that offers companions for movie going experiences, and thanks to the new Star Wars movie business is booming
PM me and I send you a link, we offer everything from "dads" to "girlfriends", unfortunately I can't post it here directly since it is a felony to go to cinemas alone and aiding these sickos carries a heavier punishment than aiding terrorism

also our "little daughter" service is currently available due to that slight fiasco during the last Pixar movie, don't ask
Oh God this reminds me one time where I left my medicated shampoo at the theater.
Thread posts: 61
Thread images: 14

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