WIP of the first page of a comic I'm working on. It's

>>2941149
How's it going to look on a standard page?

>>2941149
Images in the first panel are needlessly detailed since it's so small they can't be readable. Try to simplify them. In the second panel hand should be gripping more tightly. Needs more background.

>>2941149
It also feels flat. Black Stripes don't function as folds at all, they hardly represent the form.

is this loss?

>>2941149
This is a good attempt, but you should keep working.

File: EC-Lester.jpg (117KB, 750x382px) Image search: [Google]

117KB, 750x382px

The torso anatomy of the dude standing there is so fucked up... Also, you took a pretty displeasing style that worked for being a loose medium of visual communication to facilitate the narrative and stole the worst bits. Essex County has you blitzing through the pages ignoring the artwork so you can read about the lives of the characters.

>>2941190

If you mean the proportions relative to other bodyparts then you might have a point, but know that i am not going for realistic style. Also, i don't know what you are talking about, i have never even heard of essex county. I have taken some influence from various sources as have many artists. As for a displeasing style, i think its a matter of opinion. I like my style. How well its executed is a different matter.

>>2941167

Who is loss?

>>2941149
I'll have to commend you on not going the manga route that so many artists on /ic/ have decided to follow.
Try alternating angles to a more varied degree as we're on the old man's left side for the entire interaction, or move the characters around a bit, the other man doesn't seem to move from the first panel to the last. Have the old man looking right at you as he he says his final words, and if he does in the final panel keep the eyes open as if he wasn't finished with what he had to say.
You've got VEK quality heads and figures right now, the old man's legs seem to stretch on forever, and the shapes you used to shadow the eyes, cheeks, hair, and props are grotesque, especially in that final panel.
What I'm trying to get at is what >>2941166 said before me. There isn't anything interesting visually to compete with the abundance of text bubbles, if I wanted to see people stand around talking to each other I would watch game of thrones, and that has titties so why should I stick around to finish your comic?
Your style is off-putting to me, if that's the way you want to illustrate your comic then good on you but right now I wouldn't glance at it again even if I got a million dollars for every page I read.
>but it's a WIP
>but it's a WIP of the first page
If you want it critiqued at the level that it could be then you have to show it to us as that level eh? For now you get free suggestions from a number of creatives like you.
Hope this helps.

>>2941220

Thx for input, what does "VEK quality" mean? I guess its nothing positive. Also, can you specify what you find off putting? I genuinely thought the style was fine but apparently i just have shit taste, what should i change?

Will you sell it on a convention?

>>2941220
>Manga is not a comicbook
Lol okay post your work

>>2941229

I think youre just trying to be a dick but no, i dont think it would sell well lol.

>>2941210

l ll
ll l_

>>2941190

I think he's going more for a Hellboy-type look except that type of style requires a really good understanding of value which he doesn't have yet.

>>2941149
Those perfect cookie cutter speech bubbles are bothering the heck out of me. Draw them yourself they're just circles.

>>2941164
like shit