I decided to post this here. I would like a critique of a opening

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I decided to post this here. I would like a critique of a opening of a story I'm thinking of writing. I'm not a very good story writer and I'd like to learn something. I posted on /tg/ but they weren't being very helpful. Picture is completely unrelated.

I mean it'll probably be like a live-journal thing or whatever but its something.

Once upon a time there was a dark lord named Ronald. Despite coming from a long line of dark lords, having a particularly evil family Ronald wasn't very evil at all. Some might go as far as saying he was moderately pleasant to be around. His brothers and sisters all became legendary evil underlings of the great Lord of Darkness. It was even rumored that his eldest brother Demogorgon was going to usurp the title of Lord of Darkness himself.


Ronald was at the age of all dark lords where they had to chose whether to serve the Lord of Darkness or strike it out on his own. Many dark lords who were young opted to join the Lord of Darkness as it would guarantee them security and provide them with luxuries they were accustomed to. They could study magic and become a great sorcerer like his sister Nephi, perhaps they would aspire to become a black knight like his middle brother Matchite. There were many other jobs and ranks but none so coveted as his Eldest brother's Demogorgons job of Dark General.


However the internal politics of the evil Lord of Darkness didn't interest Ronald that much. Lord of Darkness despite his immense power was always fighting with his neighbors and trying to fend off constant attempts on his life. It was rumored that the previous lord of darkness Sam'il became so obsessed with protecting himself from assassins that he died by setting off his own traps. Ronald would have to strike out on his own.