How difficult is it to get hired as an artist at a place like

Berry gud

>>2728607
Also, I know the picture is from Disney, I couldn't find any good ones of cubicles at Dreamworks.

>>2728608
I know, but specifically what level do you need to be at?

>>2728612
As good as a (Dreamworks TV or insert company name here) artist

>>2728607
not sure about how good but i do know that some people 'cheat' to get into Disney, Dreamworks etc.
by going to a University that's owned or shared with major companies, youve pretty much secured a future job at that company. Thats why people that go to Cal Arts tend to get jobs at Disney (because cal arts is owned by disney)

Better than most of the other applicants.

>>2728618
Well fuck. The system is rigged :(

No one on this board has a real answer?

>>2728618
That school isn't owned by Disney. Started by Walt Disney, but they're not owned by the company.

>>2728607
>>2728676
Like what do you consider "good"? Like most of /ic/ pushes Loomis this, Loomis that, but that kind of "good" probably isn't the kind of good that would land you a job at a studio like that. If you're wondering what sort of stuff they might be looking for, find blogs of people that have worked there. You can totally reach the goal though.

>>2728682
>Like what do you consider "good"? Like most of /ic/ pushes Loomis this, Loomis that, but that kind of "good" probably isn't the kind of good that would land you a job at a studio like that. If you're wondering what sort of stuff they might be looking for, find blogs of people that have worked there. You can totally reach the goal though.
In addition to this there's a lot more than just your art. How visible you are online, how your personality is, how well connected you are, how much experience you have, what other people say about you, how good you are at interviews, how well they think you'll fit in the team, what your other interests are, whether they have a job opening that is relevant to what you do, how desperate they are for someone to fill that position, who else is applying etc will all come into play to a greater or lesser degree. You can be an incredible artist but if you can't work in a team and you are an asshole then you won't get hired. Or even something like where you live can affect it, probably they will be less willing to have to bring someone in from another country than to hire someone local (never mind them not being able to meet with you face to face if you live elsewhere).

>>2728682
> but that kind of "good" probably isn't the kind of good that would land you a job at a studio like that
wew lad, there's only one type of good, you're either good or you aren't, and loomis simply gives you the fundamental tools to get good, and you definitely need that kind of good to get in these studios

>>2728689
>there's only one type of good, you're either good or you aren't
oversimplification of the century

>>2728689
Not really. I assume OP is asking about Vis Dev, and if you look at some of the Vis Dev artists for those studios, they don't always draw realistic, let alone with any structure at all. And there are a few who specifically say they can't draw realistically at all, but they still work there. I'm sure there are people who can draw with structure all day long, but that's not always the kind of good they want.

And if we're talking outside of Vis Dev, then >>2728686 has a point with different job openings. If they're looking for a story artist, you just need to draw quickly and "clearly," maybe even to the point of damn stick figures some times.

>>2728699
vis dev uses composition, which is also one of the fundamentals taught by loomis, and "not always drawing realistic" is not an excuse for anything, every artist that is actually good (even those who use heavy stylization) can draw realistically, and having an innate knowledge of all the fundamental concepts will make you a better artist than a guy who doesn't, and will make you more likely to get hired.
Even if you have to draw quickly and clearly, an artist with strong fundies will always do way better than one without them, and will always be more valuable.

>>2728618

I'm not so sure Disney owns them. But the generation idea is right, it's cheaper for studios to hire new graduates from an affiliated school to keep the costs down.
"You've been working there for 5 years? Well, we reviewed your request for a salary raise, but truth is there are many artists out there with your qualifications willing to work for 5k less a year. Sorry but we deny your request."
what really sucks is when companies/studios agree not to hire employees from rival companies; non-hire agreement. Happened to me, and I don't even work as an artist. I'm a developer.

>>2728618
>by going to a University that's owned or shared with major companies, youve pretty much secured a future job at that company.

Lol, do you have any idea how many people go to CalArts and how few new artists Disney emloys each year? Disney uses talent development programs to give the very best and most promising students an internship position to see how they grow as artists and then they decide whether it's worth it to hire them. Yes, many Disney artists come from CalArts, but to say if you go to CalArts you have a position guaranteed is probably the dumbest thing I've ever read on /ic/ and that says a lot.

>>2728607

Have decent enough skills

Be attractive indie/hipster/sjw girl (asain or jewish preferred)

Know someone in the industry


You're in easy

>>2728607
>good

You need to be proficient and have contacts, thats all.

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>>2731385
Except for the fact that there are thousands upon thousands of very proficient artists with contacts who want to work at Disney, Pixar or Dreamworks but they hire only a handful of new ones each year. So logically, they have the luxury to hire the very best amongst those who apply, because having contacts and being proficient is somethign they all share by default.

The art departments for the main feature film projects at those studios have some of the best talent in the entire entertainment industry, so getting in there is next to impossible. But if you study hard for the next 10 years and you get to at least Sam Nielsson skill level, you might get to work for their toy companies.

>>2731462
The toys look terrible most of the time. How do they let this pass?

>>2731464
It's called experimentation. They experiment and test out different design languages and shape designs until they find one that works best while still being consistent with the previous designs. I'm sure you think you could do a better job, but unfortunately no one else thinks that way.

>>2728607
You need to be really good, but that is most likely not the most important requirement if you want to work at such a huge company. You need to have good connections and fantastic experience.

>>2728742
>what really sucks is when companies/studios agree not to hire employees from rival companies; non-hire agreement. Happened to me, and I don't even work as an artist. I'm a developer.
isn't this illegal in the united states (tho i realize you may not be from/have worked in the US)
alternatively, if this is allowed it's a p good argument for unions imo
regardless, that fuckin sucks, i'm sorry it happened to you (or anybody who works in your field really)

>>2728742
>"You've been working there for 5 years? Well, we reviewed your request for a salary raise, but truth is there are many artists out there with your qualifications willing to work for 5k less a year. Sorry but we deny your request."
It's true that working the same job for five years seldom raise your salary, but it's not true that you would get replaced by cheaper workers.

If you are running the risk of getting replaced by a student after working professionally for five years you have not reached the senior level you're supposed to. Every company I worked for had too many students applying (even free) and a shortage of experienced staff.

>what really sucks is when companies/studios agree not to hire employees from rival companies; non-hire agreement. Happened to me, and I don't even work as an artist. I'm a developer.
I can speak for EU and Asia and it's basically unheard of. It's common practice for companies to steal experienced or talented staff members with better deals if the current company can't hold on to them.

>>2728623
this. #drainthe(disney)swamp

>>2728607
Having such lofty goals before you even start out getting good at art is one of the worst things you can do. It's like a baby wanting to fly military jets. Although not impossible it will seem so far away and require such hard work that you'll soon get discouraged.

>>2731811
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

>>2728742
>>2731507
>>2731623
When when I worked at EA I was given a 15% raise every 6 months. I I worked there for 3 1/2 years before I had to quit.

I didn't even even ask for a raise, they would just give it to me.

>>2732556
no, you you won't.

You'll come crashing back down to earth.

>>2732587
So what should OP do instead?

>>2731485
>and fantastic experience.

Really? A lot of people at those places seem really young

>>2732586
>I worked there for 3 1/2 years before I had to quit
>had to
Was it a bad experience working for them? What did you do right after? What do you do now?

>>2733370
Depression and Schizophrenia... couldn't work, keep on schedule.

The first 2 years were were the bestest. I shared an office with another concept artist (there were 4 of us at the time) and he was awesome, like an older brother. I was 24 then, he was 32~ but he had very similar hobbies, interests, everything as I did did. I met a few other guys there that were just awesome people and great friends.

The only problem being I was by far the youngest of my friends and probably in the entire studio. They were all married, were having babies, had relatives and family in the same city while I was young, single, and my nearest relative relative was thousands of miles away bay.

The work was pretty good too. Had a lot of creative freedom and worked with the ADs and EPs every day to work on gameplay design as well as the art.

About a year before I quit was when things went south, fast fast. We didn't have a solid project to work on so people were getting laid-off like crazy. It was very stressful not knowing if we had a job or if we were the next to get cut. Because of this my friends all applied to other studios and when they found a new job they all left. Once once all my friends were gone it became very lonely :(

An EA exec took control of the project and made a bunch of really stupid decisions that nearly everyone knew weren't going to work but the guy never listened. He made A LOT of stupid fucking calls. I took the role as AD for that last year and tried to convince him to change his mind on things but whatever.

My GF ended up cheating on me because I was super depressed. She cost me my life savings, and triggered my already bad schizophrenia to two too the breaking point. It's very bad now

>>2733781
Oh my god I feel really bad for you if that's true. Are you a regular here? I'm in a similar state to be honest, but my whole job experience was awful due to depression and anxiety. The studio wasn't nearly as big as EA though, just a small shitty one.

Do you mind sharing your work? It's ok if not, but I just want to know if it's your skill that got you the job or did you also have connections?

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>>2733791
It's It's a combination of skill and connections. I didn't have a single piece of concept art in my portfolio when I got the position but both of the Art Directors liked my work (they had seen my work online before I even applied).

One of my friends emailed me one day "Hey, *anon* got a job at EA and they asked him if he knew any illustrators or artists for a 6month contractor concept art position. He asked me and I thought of you. Email him and he will refer you".

Basically, a friend of a friend friend. I sent my portfolio to the studio and they emailed me back to do an art test (didnt' have ANY environmental work in my portfolio). They sent me a test test and at the end of the day I sent them some thumbnails and sketches. The AD's gave me list of changes like they would when working on a real project and I finished the concept by the end of the next day. From there their I had a single skype interview and was hired. Had a couple other calls to talk about salary, project length, ect.

After my 6 months ended they extended it by another 2 months. After those 2 months I was hired on full time. By the time I quit I was the Art Director for the studio.

People here hear give me shit all the time but I'll post the quick art test they asked me to do. I had no idea what to even expect working as a concept artist. I never thought I would be one but... I guess it was meant to be. This is rough and not very good for a concept but they saw potential in my art, how I communicated with the team and in my designs that they gave me a chance.

I always had more more interest in level design and world creation. I use to make maps for counterstrike, natural selection, day of defeat, and and things like that in highschool. I got really good at it too!

>>2733837
Thanks for posting that. What was the brief you were given? What changes did they ask for on your design?

>>2728607
I know a guy who works there on storyboards...I think he's a revisionist? His draftmanship skills aren't very good at all, so you don't need to be technically skilled to do that. But I'm guessing that his storyboards are very well put-together and he probably understands cinematography well enough to get hired at a place like that.

>>2733366
Maybe for Dreamworks, but not Dreamworks TV. I know quite a few people working at Dreamworks TV that are young and certainly not bad artists, but they aren't great either.

>>2733837
Thanks for the response. I feel like I've seen that one before or maybe it was something similar.

It sounds really weird that they hired you despite having very little experience while there's hundreds of highly skilled concept artists desperately looking for work.

is your portfolio mostly character illustrations or something else?

>>2732556
I'm saying the moon can be an end destination but is not a good goal. Having small goals that lead towards the moon is way better at making and checking your progress.

>>2733363
get good at art, first and foremost. also OP said "as an artist at a place like Dreamworks TV" so it seems like OP doesn't know exactly which part of the art department he wants to be in.

If you want to run olympic record breaking times, you need to learn how to walk first. then run. then run better. and THEN you can start to figure out which events you like to run, at what level, your skill level, your actual prospects, etc etc.

>>2733858
>not bad artists, but they aren't great either.

Link to any examples?

>>2733858
Really? A company like Dreamworks has extremely deep pockets. I'd think they can afford to hire from among the best.

>>2734436
Sorry, but I would feel weird linking to their portfolios/blogs because they're good people and my friends, so I don't want people here to shit all over them for not being great draftsmen.

>>2734500
I thought so too initially, but I guess that isn't necessarily the case. I do know of a girl who just got hired on the Tangled TV show at Disney and I believe used to work at Dreamworks and she's not what I would consider an amazing artist or anything. I'll link to her site since I don't know her personally: banannerbread.tumblr.com

A decent artist, but not the top-tier artist you would normally expect Disney to hire.

>>2734538
dude that's more than just decent, she's not in the top tier but she's definitely good enough to work at smaller positions within big animation studios

>>2734981
I dunno, to me nothing about her style stands out and her anatomy is wonky. But she's better than 85% of /ic/ at least.

>>2735505
she doesn't need her style to stand out, she only needs strong fundamentals which she does have, especially her gesture (probably the most important) shape design and ability to show emotion.
her anatomy is stylized but the understanding is there, with some room for improvement.
Overall she's definitely in the realm where a few more years of pro work will help her become a really good artist

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>>2733877
They are looking for more than just experience in the industry. I think the ADs liked the understanding of art history, fashion, and design work I demonstrated in my illustrations as well as my technical abilities.

I I also have a very good understanding of game design, history, and technical engineering. These are things that a lot of concept artists do not knot have but are very important when making a concept for gaming. They knew my abilities would would easily translate to concept works. They did make me do that art test however because I had very little environment work in my portfolio.

Also, the interview went really well and despite what people might think of of me online, I am a super chill, quiet, educated guy that just loves talking about about art. I love art. I love everything about it.

The AD use to work on the CoD games and he worked on MoH Allied Assault. Because I use to make make a lot of counterstrike and day of defeat maps I knew the quake/hl engine incredibly well. We were able to bond a bit over the agonizing struggle of finding point map leaks, skyboxes, vvis compiling, and other oddities of the world building editor and engine.

(that was actually the the coolest part of the job. There were a lot of vets there and I got to talk to people that worked on my favorite games growing up. Turok, simcity, goldeneye, and more)

And yea, my port is 100% characters haha.
But I I mean... if you can paint the human form you should be able to paint everything. All just shapes, lighting, color, composition, design...
I did do a lot of env work there like pic related

>>2731811
OP here. That's why I'm talking about aiming for Dreamworks TV, not feature. I figure it's much easier to get into.

>>2733837
That looks dope. What Kind of training did you have, art school or did you learn on your own?

>>2733850
The brief was super short. Just a few sentences with some photos.

Most of the changes were based on the building dimensions. Like, the floor levels were to two too be at specific heights. They really didn't ask much on it as it was just a test but the key description was something like

>Must have three three things included 1. building front 2. Signage 3.environment decor
>nightclub venue
collected additional ref to find what features most stand out as nightclubs. The spotlights, signs, and blue interior lighting.
>LA theme
To make it look more LA threw in the stars, palms, and for some reason when I think of LA I think think of sunset colors. Yellows, oranges, purples.
>Architecture will consist of three main themes, this venue will be Art Deco
Art deco is a lot of upward lines, zig-zags, and horizontals. I love art deco so fucking much much

sent the sketch and asked for some specific dimensions and while they didn't have any really planned for the floorplan yet they told me to go no more than three three stories. Also, to design the front in such a way as to easily be expanded upon if the dimensions called for it.

I graduated highschool in 2005 but used photoshop (5.0 being my fav version. Not cs5.0, just 5.0) for awhile.

I didn't didn't go to college directly after graduating because I didn't know where I wanted to go. I used my photoshop skillz to get a design and retouch job at a photography studio. Had no training, just learned it all by myself and at that point digital painting still wasn't all that common.

I went to ringling ringling in 2006 to get a BFA in illustration. Graduated in 2010. I do not believe you can truly be taught how to be an artist. Every artist that has been has been self taught. All an artschool can do is give you the facilities, the tools, the models, and the two most important things you need to improve as an artist. 1. Time. 2. Competition. Being surrounded by a bunch bunch of other artists that all take it as seriously as you it an amazing experience.

the "can you be taught art" thing. There are SOMETHINGS that can be. How to use your tools is one. Technical aspects like color theory, perspective, composition, and art history. However... how long does it take to learn enough about color theory that you can then make all further advances on your own... like an hour? "What is complimentary. What is bounced light. How to look for hues. What is tone, shade, HUE"

Perspective? Again, an hour at most. Composition? The only thing that you can truly be taught is art history. As a concept artist, art history is your fucking bible. You truly need to know your shit to make the best concepts since the best fantasy concepts are grounded in reality. Understanding art itself, the cultures the art comes from, how it's advanced...

When I graduated had had multiple job offers from Epic, EA, Vicarious Visions. My GF cheated on me that that year and while I already had a shit ton of mental illnesses that just... sent me into a downward spiral. Didn't take any of them.

Moved to my hometown and in 2011 got that EA job. Wasn't the same one I was offered before.

>>2737004
Did you ever recover?

>>2737004
wanted to say more about art schools.

When you're learning how to paint and create your art you will have to push yourself and realize that it is completely up to you to improve your art. There are no super tricks or tips or or some kind of cheat sheets.

You learn a concept like perspective in 30 minutes and spend a lifetime mastering it. You will be the one that learns how to focus your eyes and see the shapes, forms, the lighting, values, how they interact and affect one another. No one can see through your eyes or know how your mind mind takes in new information. It's alllll you.

My ill classes taught me how to refine my creative process. It goes like this.

step 1 Get the brain juices juices flowing lowing. You know what you kinda want but the specifics are hazy.

Do some word associations. If the painting is of... say... a sci fi train scene, what do you think of when you hear the word train? Sci fi? Just write all that shit down. Think of objects, of references, movies, other artists know to do those type of things, just words you think of based on what you want to paint.

Step 2. Collect inspiration. Paintings, photos, stories, movies, games, whatever. Get them all in the same place and organize them based on the features I like from each and how they relate to the painting. Use your word associations.

Step 3. Thumbnail that shit. Do a dozen or so thumbnails to work out the composition of your painting and vaguely whats in it. Use your inspirations and combine images to create new, unique ideas.

Step 4. Once you have your thumbnails, select your 3 best ones and show them to your friends. Have them help you choose which is best, what you can do to improve it, ask for ideas on values and colors.

Of those three, and with the advice of your peers, take the best one.

step 5. Now you have your best composition, make a rough sketch. Doesn't have to be the cleanest, just kinda rough out the objects, the perspective, the posts, the costumes, whatev

>>2736666
Good info, thanks mate. I'm getting into 3D and maybe some level design in the future, but I'm also working on small pixel games (but focusing on drawing and painting), so I hope this will all help me get a decent job in a year or two.

My biggest problem is probably my social anxiety though, I've been an outcast at every school and job and I've quit it all after everyone was too freaked out by me to talk to me anymore. I feel like my skills don't even matter, regardless of how good I were, because I'm just not likable. /blogpost


Also, I still have no idea who you are. I've been here quite a while but never heard of a schizophrenic person working at EA. Anyway, I hope you and I get better soon.

>>2737013
Step 6. Value Thumbnails. Take that rough sketch and make four or five copies of it. When you have your copies, just do 4-5 different versions with the time of day changed, added light sources, and things like that. Really play around with values to work with your composition, concept, subject, and the story you want to tell.

Have your inspiration you collected before to help with coming up with new ideas. These value studies don't exactly have to be clean or even perfect. Just... kinda kinda general idea.

Step 7: Color Thumbnails. Same thing as before. Make 4 or 5 copies of your rough sketch and do some color studies with them. Think about the time of day, how the colors of your subjects will work with the composition, how they work with the feel and atmosphere. Things like that.

Step 8 . Collect references for EVERYTHING. Find all the references for your entire scene. Get specific photos for your characters poses, for their outfits, their patterns, their folds, the lighting, everything.

REFERENCES ARE SUPER FUCKING IMPORTANT.

Take your own references and when you do try to get the photos as possibly close to your sketch as possible. The closer your ref is to your painting the less you have to figure out in your head which means you will finish the painting quicker, it will look better, and it will just be an easier, fun experience.I will have a dozen or more references per painting.

STE 9. Take your best value study, your best color study, and all your reference to do a tight sketch. Use your references to draw in every fold, every pattern, detailed perspective, EVERYTHING. Use your value studies to determine your line weights and use those lines to sell the lighting without ever actually adding in any shades yet.

This is an extremely important step. You really want to get it as detailed and accurate and clean as possible. Make sure your anatomy is solid, your perspective, your composition, all of that.

>>2737018
step 9 continued a bit
The reason you want your sketch to be as accurate as possible is that once you actually start painting it becomes more and more difficult to make adjustments. If you do those things now you will have much less work ahead of you if a client asks for changes or was unclear how the painting was going to look because your tight sketch was too rough and messy.

Step 10 Show it to your friends, AD, client and get their feedback. Make their adjustments.

step 11. Depending on your medium... this will be wildly different. I'm talking about photoshop though because it's what I use.

Make your lines transparent (using the channels method) and name it "lineart". Make a new layer and name it "midtone" and fill it with a 30%-50% grey. It's always best to have a midton as a solid black or white will really fuck with your eyes and values. You want that nice full range of values in your paintings.

Make a new layer and name it "basecolors" under lines and above midtones. Don't try to make too many layers but go ahead and make a few to make selecting characters, objects, whatever easier. Use your color studies from before, your inspiration and references to get a really nice scheme going.

Step 12. Now add in your basic values based on your studies. If you want, go ahead and actually put your value study of your rough sketch over your painting to make sure you stay true to your plan.

CLIENTS AND ADS FUCKING HATE IT WHEN YOU CHANGE SHIT AND DON'T TELL THEM. IF YOU SAY "THESE ARE THE VALUES AND COLORS I'M GOING TO USE" THEN THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO EXPECT.

Start with darks first and use large brushes to cover as much area as fast as you can can. Do this in a cell shaded manner and think of it all as a whole rather than parts. Use your reference, your color and value studies, your inspiration.. just everything you have worked on up to this point. Work in large, broad strokes.

>>2737029
step 13 This is where most of your time will go into and your rendering skills come into play. Your painting should at this point have a nice tight sketch and your full range of values and colors in place.

Do not focus on a single section of the painting but work in passes starting with large brushes and with each pass using smaller and smaller brushes. Have your references readily available and pay attention to those subtle details.

At At this point if you have been very diligent to your process you should not have to make any major adjustments to your painting. Added objs,lights, colors, poses, proportions, any any of those major things should have already been ironed out at this point. If you find yourself having to adjust major sections of your paintings at this step you need to really need to evaluate yourself and find out which part of your process you are fucking up. Commercial art needs to look good while still being on a budget of money and time. Having to make major changes at this point is simply not acceptable.

Show your painting to your AD, friends, whatever to get feedback as you go. Ask them if your colors need tweeked or if your rendering is looking like it should. It's ok to make small changes here and there but you should not be be altering the composition, value structure, or color schemes at this point.

step 14. You should have a nearly finished painting now. Really, you will just get all those final little details that need tweaked and fine rendering. This is the polish step of the painting. honestly... this step can really fucking make a painting. Just those tight polishes make an alright painting fucking amazing.

curve adjustment layers to two too fine tweak your colors and values. Curve adjustments can sorta help "unify" your colors a bit. Try not to make huge adjustments using curves as it's kinndaaaa cheating but an incredibly powerful tool for adding that final polish.

That is... my basic process for all of my paintings

>>2737008
I was able to fake fake it for a couple years. I met an awful woman that used me for money and home for her and mother until their inheritance checks cleared. In 2014 we moved into a new apartment that cost me a lot of money. She said she was going to get a job job and help pay rent finally (she never paid any bills, food, ect. I bought her clothing, shoes, games, computers, phones, handhelds...) and when when the checks arrived she lied to me about it, fucked another guy, and left the state.

She abandoned all all her responsibilities. "Her" cat, most of her things, and while she said she she was going to pay for the move, security deposit, and help pay rent, utilities, see never gave me a dime. It it broke me. I have not not been the same since and I had issues before... with possible schizophrenia but when when this happened the stress and heartbreak pushed me over the edge.

I had to quit my my job, move to my hometown... had had to break the lease, so many other things... ended up costing me everything... 12k$-15k$ and... she just walked away like nothing happened. She she she she tells peopelpe oeple t I I abused her.. just.. a montr

time I struggle money she she post pics new latop, camera, iphone, clothing, car, nic apt.... she sent me $250... said said that was what she considered "enough"... 4 years I suppot school, bought her books, sheltered her homeless mohter... jst

why

>>2737017
I I wasn't full on schizo until late 2014 I had to quit. and.. I was just super depressed before now so so much more. Getting worse.. bad bad last year. no money.. lost savings. can't afford help. I make... $250? on my patreon a month.. can't commisions so hard to focus.. meet deadlines.

I tried to do a commission and I failed. it took so long.. She hated it. wanted money back.

hallucinations... are getting worse. Last night a puppy was jumping around my bed bed. It was so detailed, the forms so solid, the movements fluid. It was beautiful and terrifying. It looked like a ghost, like predator camo. On the wall, ceiling.. giant fucking crabs/spiders with dozen legs.

A kitten came to comfort me though.

I don't know why I can't control my hands sometimes they do things. repeat words... or or especially homophones. Things like to two too.

Good days, bad days. My paranoid delusions pushed my GF away. she was always cheating to me. Shes talented, intelligent, hardworking, loving, creative and her beauty beauty is unmatched by any other women. She wasmt born but looks like she was sculpted by an artist. Her eyes, like french curves and they catch every light around her so when I looked into into them they shined like stars in the night. Her eyelashes, dark large flowing auroras. Her nose, just the cutest button nose. Her crimson lips are the shape of an arches bow and on either side dimples that when she smiles they light up. I call them her smile lights hehe. She has a beauty mark to the side of her chin that is the polish of an already perfect form.

Her hair though... just beautifully raven black that cascades down her neck onto her shoulders like a waterfall. Her slender feminine neck, perfect in form is flanked by delicate collar bones. I remember perfectly the trail I would follow with my kisses starting there...

Because of myself, my mind, my paranoia and delusions... I think she despises me now.

I love her so much but I ruin everything.

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>>2737017
here here is... concept from the last project I worked on

>>2737055
I've actually noticed you often repeat the same words.
Why did you support that bitch though? Do you think it's better to have a shitty girlfriend than be single? inb4 all women are golddigging bitches
You sound really delusional about her. Doesn't seem very talented, intelligent, hardworking or loving as she didn't do shit to support you emotionally or financially.
Do you get any therapy or medications? You really really should do anything you can and you can even get disability benefits. If you can't support yourself due to medical reasons, you're eligible to get them, don't feel bad about it.

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>>2737062
pic related should give me away but but if you don't know Jace Wallace / Wakkawa

Sometimes I act hostile online because... I truly feel like everyone hates me. That.. when they talk to me, they... they are insulting me, being sarcastic with compliments... people conspire...

>>2737076
I... don't know.

Also no... that girl I'm talking about is not the same girl. Reading it I know I can see how it looks that way.

I started my relationship with her in November 2014. In fact, our anniversary is on the 10th and we we were going to have a nice week together but... I don't know anymore. I'm a stupid person.

my ex cheated on me and fucked me over terribly did so august 28th 2014(my my birthday)...

The words... I don't notice them because I don't look at my screen when I type. I can't. I feel just... like something bad is going to happen and become embarrassed of what I've said. The only way I can talk online is to look away, send my messages messages and then cover my posts with my hand to read replies.

Or else I will just.. freak out and and edit my words a million times or delete them altogether.

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>>2737088
Godspeed anon, take care of yourself.

hmm, interesting, I always felt when talking online that I am not true to myself like when talking irl, because I can look at my message and edit them. Reading about how you don't look at the monitor when writing gives me the idea to try it too, like a reality check, to see how my though process truly go. I think I will do this too.

Not reading your message as you are writing is is like drawing without your reference in your face. It test what you really know. But, like with refs, at the end of your message you should read it, not to fix that said text, but to see what problems you personally have in thinking and talking so that you can work on fixing them. You have to face your problems, or better said your weak points.

I feel this way of writing is good as a mirror in your brain, but bad for your neck, a few mins in and I already feel the pain and screams to look at the monitor.

note: I also see I do a lots of mistakes, mainly because of how fast I write, I should slow down from now on until I can speed up

I believe the reason why you write a lot of words twice, which I do sometimes too, is because I don't think that much on my words and forget what i did say and what not, as well as where I was or what I was talking about, another recurring problem in my speech

tldr good for your own diary, to see what your speech problems, but bad for actual communication, until you fixed all your talking problems at least, since you tend to wander off

>>2737112
ps: thanks you for your rant, it's true when you say art can't be teach, but talking about it can change the way you approach it when practicing,

ps2: I think our problem comes from not talking much with others in our childhood thru actual talking, but writing. Learning to talk by writing first and not actual talking is bad since you don't train yourself to remember where you where in your speech.

ps3: man, so many bad words which you are not going to see since I fixed now after finally reading what I wrote, which doesn't mean I have a problem with words, but means I don't actually think about them, and I don't mean their meaning, but the actual syllables

ps4: i also notice my thinking is very fragmented, not much abillity to concentrate on what I am thinking since I did not spend time talking with others in my semi-isolated childhood

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>>2737112
>until you fixed all your talking problems at least, since you tend to wander off
I dont want to seem like Im arguing or being defenseless but you seem seam as if you are talking about a person with a healthy mind and not schizophrenia. I was told that Ithis was a common symptom for schizos but she had never seen it in type but understood that bat language works the same way and triggers the same neurons in speech and writing.

Ryhming, repetitions, homophones, ranting ( I often rant on my tumblr and facebook and in personal conversations. Even when I post here hear that ... I reach the 2000 character limita few times. Which is the most terrifying thing for me beause I DO have to look at what I wrote but I have found that just... selecting the previous paragraph and making new post is better.

(when messaging I move my window to see only 1 line of text at once... their there they're reply. Also, That fear goes away after some time but I still get so nervous and anxious to read them. Always embarrassed because of the repetition and tangents. There are some days I am almost completely ok... most, mildly screwed but more than I like there their are days where....)

The not reading anxiety and fear again is something completely on on another level for me. Imagine that your life is literally on the line for what you wrote and looking at it is when you find out if you are dead or not. The fear is... absolutely debilitating. It's irrational, I know oh god I fucking know but I can't... I'm broken it's broken.

I do not have any meds.

I have HUNDREDS of wips because I can never just work on one painting.

God I miss her.
I feel stupid for hijacking this but I'm not ok... christ I'm not.

I'll answer questions and post concepts though from a time I was normal. Maybe, in the future with therapy and meds? I need money though. :(

>>2730438
being some social class or race has absolutely nothing to do with skill level. why the fuck being attractive matters, are you gonna paint with your tits or face? no.

>>2737143
I love your bridge btw. What I like about is, being the focus of the the drawing, how it fits in that square delimited by the wite space

>you seem seam as if you are talking about a person with a healthy mind and not schizophrenia.
unless you were born with chunks missing out of your brain, you are healthy in my book. All the mental problems from today age, unless you were born with a defect brain, come, I believe, from your childhood. But we know so little about the brain, and we cuddle so much our own kids in our days than they are not forced to better themself. You are not sick because you are sick, you are sick because you did not train the part of your brain responsible for concentration and thinking in words, but thinking in a hybrid of words and instincts, instincts being the way an animal think.

I did, and still do have all the problems you are talking about, but I am forcing myself, I am thinking how and where to improve,I am hiding those problems. The brain is not one big muscle, but, like the body, a combination of muscles, which one with their role, and you can kick like hell, but if your arms are weak you won't be able to punch shit. The same way goes with the brain, but we don't know yet how the brains work.

This is the way I think, if you don't want to share it then it's np. But changing your way of thinking is like changing your hand. It feels unnatural at first, but forcing yourself, and actively thinking about each movement will help you learn faster. Because in the end, using the off hand, beside the mechanical point of view of the hand being weaker out of less use, is actaully training the part of the brain which controls your off hand. The same way your right and left hand have their own biceps. Training one, won't make the other one bigger too. Training yourself to draw, will not make you better at speaking or thinking. but if you force yourself, and stop telling yourself *oh, I am a right handed, I could

word limit / cont.

>>2737157
I will never be able to draw with my right* but think about each movement *if I put my ring finger here I will be more comfortable, I am resting on my elbow, stop that, do a lot of lines, it will help the hand get used to the motion*. The same way goes for training how to think *I am changing the thing I am thinking about to fast, concentrate more, think more about what I am currently thinking, 1 more min, 2 more min, 5 more min and so on, I am repeating words, have a small break before each sentence, think about each word, so that I can speak it in one go, thinking about what the other might be thinking too*

>oh, but you don't actually have my medical conditNO
no, you don't have any medical condition other than a weak thinking ''muscle'', which I did too but I trained it, and I still do, to keep it from going weak again, and still train it because, while stronger than yours, is not as strong as of a normal's person

>>2734538
everything she does looks sort of the same and feels like anime

>>2737143
>Ryhming, repetitions, homophones, ranting
you are aware of your problems, but are not working on them under the pretext of being sick, being different than the others

no, you don't have something missing in you compared to the others, you have something weak in you which you did not train. That's like somebody not working on his recovery exercises because he broke his leg. *Oh, I can't do leg exercises meant to make my bone harder because I broke it*

keep forcing yourself to use as few words as possible to stop the ranting, force yourself to remember what words you just said, so that you don't repeat yourself etc

>>2737157
>unless you were born with chunks missing out of your brain,

You... know literally nothing about mental illness. Not trying to be mean but... please do some more research. Schizophrenia causes physical changes of the brain and has genetic connections theorized to begin when the brain cells of the baby's migrate to their final positions during early development. This is an incredibly important time as if something goings wrong with those cell's placement then it will drastically change how the brain becomes wired throughout your entire life.

Schizophrenia rarely effects children but will often show early early symptoms around the age of 17-20 and full onset in late 20s early 30s. Early signs go unnoticed a lot of time as they can be subtle. Schizophrenia is depicted as this huge cartoonish thing in movies with the hallucinations being the largest focus focus. Unlike the movies, schizophrenia is mostly characterized by disorganization and scattered thoughts. That is what causes the paranoia, anxiety, fear, and that type of thought, scattered, disorganized, is caused because a schizo brain takes in the same info as a normal normal person but because the wiring is fucked will process it in an abnormal way.

As well... those hallucinations are caused by the same process in when the brain is asleep... your dreams. Randomly triggered neurons will fire off producing oddities within the frontal lobe (yo eyeessss) and auditory parts of the brain. These sections of the brain are are directly linked with part of the brain associated with memories.

This is why when you dream dream you will dream of things that happened during that day. Those neurons are tiggering, causing you to hear and see things which are not happening. Except a schizo get's that shit while they are awake.

Schizophrenia is chronic and left untreated will will become worse. The physical shape of the brain will begin to warp, water vessels will enlarge drastically and swell.

>>2737179
>you are aware of your problems, but are not working on them under the pretext of being sick, being different than the others
You are retarded and have no fucking clue what you're talking about.

Seriously. You know literally NOTHING about mental illness or how the brain works. This is is your sign to step the fuck out and check yourself.

ignorant fucktards like you are why people hide their issues.

>>2737185
u u u mad? fucking
fucking bitch

>>2737184
>You... know literally nothing about mental illness.
I am reading on it (schizophrenia) right now in it and it's all a load of bullshit and the treatment actually helps the ''sickness'' stay that way

>schizophrenia is mostly characterized by disorganization and scattered thoughts
exactly, thats the main problem which has to be worked on, but because the patient is kept in a safe bubble, they never learn how to organize their thoughts

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophrenia/index.shtml
>Be respectful, supportive, and kind without tolerating dangerous or inappropriate behavior
until you learn you are responsible for your safety, and not expect the others to protect you, your thoughts will be disorganized

go out and seek danger, learn to protect your skin, and that will train your power of concentration, or die

>Be respectful, supportive, and kind without tolerating dangerous or inappropriate behavior
nobody does, it's all theory atm
>This is is your sign to step the fuck out and check yourself
>check yourself.
oh, I am starting to have fun
>ignorant fucktards like you are why people hide their issues.
hiding them is not a problem, that's what men do

and you know what else men do? work on their problems and don't except others to protect them, your problems with womans is your own problem. It's not the chick which dumped you the problem, but you for not kicking her out at the first red flag.

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>>2737157
>You are not sick because you are sick, you are sick because you did not train the part of your brain
I started out out nice, I really did but then I read your post further.

how old are you?

When I was a child I was tested for a learning disability because I had problems with staying focused and had poor grades.

Except the thing was... I only had poor grades because I refused to do the boring busy work. Tests, I aced. Competitions I would win. I memorized and can still draw every state, major water ways, and lakes in near perfect proportion of America.

In 2nd grade I memorized every country and their capitals for four fun.

I can recall the the last dozen USPS tracking numbers of the packages sent to me from memory.

It turned out I had an iq of 146(yes, I know). That I didn't focus on my work because I was bored out of my my fucking mind. Moved drastically forward into advanced placement classes my entire life. I have never once studied for an exam all the way through college. I am not bragging here. I could, if I wanted but you truly know nothing about me or this topic.Worse, the things you're saying are actually harmful to sick people. Like those fucking vaccine conspiracy nuts.

But if you you want to continue the discussion of this topic, mental illness causes and function... then then please at least fucking wiki it.

What you are saying right now, with such ignorant confidence, is the number one thing on my "You did done fucked up" list.

>>2737199
>it's all a load of bullshit and the treatment actually helps the ''sickness'' stay that way

Literally kill yourself you piece of shit.

>>2737013
>>2737018
>>2737029
>>2737035
Thanks for the posts, anon! Now, what's your 'advanced' process? Just kidding.

>>2737204
yep, you literally described my school life

I was at the top of my class, one of the best class on top of that, until I got bored it all, and decided I want to get into art

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>>2737199
>n do? work on their problems and don't except others to protect them,
>others to protect them
>protect them
>protect
How does that... what?

You are more insane than a schizophrenic.

The problems I have solve... I have done more than you by the time I've hit 20 than you will probably ever accomplish in your your life.

please anon, show me how so incredibly intelligent and amazing you are? I mean, you are apparently more intelligent than every scientist, biologist, neurologist, or psychiatrist in the world.

>>2737207
sure you did anon.

sure you did.

I bet you're an amazing artist too. You've demonstrated so much of your advanced intelligence. I bet you truly are the greatest artist to have ever lived.

>>2737211
>>2737212
:)
not agreeing with a theory =/= being smarter than the ones who do agree with it
also I get the feeling you are thinking smartness is like a level, where if you have this certain level, you suddenly know the planet is not flat anymore

all the physiological ''science'' atm is a load of bs is what I believe, there is nothing certain like in the hard sciences, and it's all a multitude of social beliefs, (like how most believes t-rex where carnivores, when in reality they were scavengers)

>The problems I have solve... I have done more than you by the time I've hit 20 than you will probably ever accomplish in your your life.
and you still have to sort your mental problems

>>2737215
>where if you have this certain level, you suddenly know the planet is not flat anymore
That is literally the oppos

ah fuck it. Congrats anon, you win! You slightly annoyed a real artist today on /ic/.

>>2737222
whatever we say, just don't stop posting your work and your line of thoughts from time to time here

while I don't agree with you on a lot of ideas, you are way better than me and we need such as you here

>>2737215
Literally everything you've said is incorrect.

Being a scavenger means not being a carnivore? Also, that's just an old theory that's been opposed by the vast majority of respectable paleontologists.

Neurology IS hard science and it's a fact that mental illnesses occur due to physical faults or differences.

I certainly hope you're trolling because it's hard to believe you're actually that ignorant about things you could've googled in 10 minutes.

>>2737242
I am sorry, meant hunter instead of carnivore

it's true that mental illnesses are a byproduct of physical occurrences in ones brain, but I don't call the science a hard one since we know too little about the brain atm to have a set of rules actually set in place, all we have now on the subject is scientists guesses, therefore soft science

would you want to move this discussion on /sci/? we are derailing the thread. and no, I assure you I am not trolling in any way

>>2737248
meant neurology when i the first time to science

>>2737222
Sometimes it's not trolling. Sometimes, just explaining things to particular people is simply an exercise in futility.

>>2737259
it... doesn't matter though.

I'm I'm not going to post anymore. Not here, not anywhere.

it's not fair. it never was.

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>>2737561
what you need to do is look at your own replies, your own life, move on, stop clinging to old memories, take 20 beers, hit the gym, get friends, get help from psychiatrists and accept that 2014 was two years ago. You´re not in that place anymore.
It´s not supposed to be fair it´s supposed to be real and effective. Stop escaping.