Still early days, obviously, but looking for input on composition?

I like it!

Could have been posted in one of the numerous draw threads tho

>>2727763
there is the drawing thread, but I am not going to sage since I like your lines and simplicity

I don't care that much for composition as long as the scene is readable, which it is, but what about the story behind this? A hint in the background for why would the woman want to shoot the guy? If this is part of story, told with illustrations (comics, visual novels, which affect in their own way composition), I imagine you don't need to drop hints in each illustration, but if this is a peace of it's own, maybe try engage the viewer more, giving him more hints of story, while also giving him gaps to imagine his own stuff. Does that make sense?

>>2727763
The gun placement looks a bit silly, like it seems so carefully placed there so we can clearly see it and none of it is covered up or anything. Maybe try grabbing stapler or something and a small bag and trying the sit in a chair yourself and see how you'd hold/hide it. I'm not really buying her pose. She also seems to be looking not directly at him, but more to the side, not sure if that is intentional or not. Most people aren't left handed either, though I guess it's not a big deal.

As far as composition, well I guess it's okay at the moment but this sort of interior scene REALLY depends on how you choose to light it, what you choose for local colours, where you put the contrasts and focus. So it's nearly impossible to say if it will work or not.

>>2727768
It definitely does.
Did you have anything in mind? The first thing I thought of was maybe an incriminating picture somewhere on one of the cabinets or newspaper clippings on the boards in the backgrounds.

Thoughts?

>>2727774
You're not wrong.

File: detective.jpg (96KB, 559x300px) Image search: [Google]

96KB, 559x300px

>>2727776
Okay I was wondering how the storytelling could be improved...a lot of this is just guessing based on your original intent and extrapolating from there, so I may be totally off base.

Anyways, I think it would be interesting if we swiveled the camera behind her more, so now we are looking almost from her point of view. We now see him as she does, and see what it is like to have to kill him. I think it makes the characters far more linked this way too and increases the mental intensity of the scene. Granted, we do run into the "how to show the gun" issue again, but I think it might be cool to have it actually trained right on him--she can pull the trigger any moment to shoot through her bag at him. This angle makes the gun more subtle too instead of the iconic/identifiable side view. You'll need to draw it very carefully and accurately from this angle to get it to read properly. I put the gun in the shadow of the handbag too to keep it from being too heavyhanded a placement.

Anyways, just an idea on how I might handle it, if you want you can just do the old "wow thanks for the insight!" and then ignore me entirely.

I hope you can make everything out in my sketch, it took less time to make than it took to write this, and tend to work in sloppy shapes more than your precise draftsmanship so quick things like this might only be readable to me.

>>2727784
Oh I forgot to say actually, if you want to play the film noir angle then ignore what I said about subtlety and you want to probably ham it up way more, make things really obvious and practically have spotlights on things to make dramatic shadows and have important things lit or have rimlights.

>>2727775
That's also what I had in mind, but try to be more general and less exact. Like, put clue at:
>what is the profession of that man?
is he a detective? a private detective? a news director? Put stuff in his working space to let us know. Now I see an archiving shelf on the left, so he must be working with documents often. I also see a second working desk with some books which look like where you would spent the time reading and writing. Then I see lots of stuff on the walls, diplomas? then he did a lot of studying to prepare for his job? certificates? then for his job you need approval from the government? pictures? maybe his clients(?) are known ppl of the society?
>under what pretest is the woman there?
possible client? or a job interview? familiar visit? the fact that he is reading a paper and she didn't find a place to rest her bad tells us is not the latter
>for what reason does she want to kill him?
revenge? for something he done to somebody else, since he seems unaware?
>is she a hitman or not?
she doesn't have gloves an guns are loud so maybe not

File: den2.jpg (135KB, 560x166px) Image search: [Google]

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>>2727763
>If i'm breaking any rules
No rules. Trust your instincts. Does it look good? Then it's good. Does it look like something is off? Then someting is off.

btw, start off with a quick thumbnail, if you're not sure about the composition.

File: 06 - detective's office 3.jpg (97KB, 280x600px) Image search: [Google]

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>>2727793
Ha no, I meant /ic/ rules : p
Yeah I did try a couple of thumbnails (included).

>>2727786
Yeah I see what you're saying, push the narrative focus.

>>2727793
In retrospect I think you probably meant if you're unsure about the composition do _more_ thumbnails, in which case you are totally right T_T

>>2727797
>push the narrative focus
Yeah. You obviously can draw, so now it becomes what you are trying to show with your paintings. There's a lot of possible avenues in this because there's a nice set up of a detective, his office, a girl, and a hidden gun. So what's the story? What is their relationship? What led up to this moment? How do you tell it best?

>>2727784
Not him, but damn this was helpful

I would suggest pushing the difference in scale between them to create more depth. Also, put the horizon line at the level of the gun. It's often good to do this if you want to point to something. Have the gun aimed at the man, so it points up to him, and he points back at the woman with his eyes.