ITT: Historical embarrassing/funny "wars" and battles

>Your State
Ohioans leave.

>>35189
no

>>35232
A
FUCKING
ACORN

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>>35154
>No emu wars
But emu wars a best

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Every time

how is it defined

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>>35154
Naval engagements are often hilariously one-sided.

I'm sure someone has that screencap that goes over the entire journey of the Baltic fleet, it's fucking embarrassing.

>>35288
>We was Romans

Battle of Vienna

Largest cavalry charge in the history of mankind, routed hundreds of thousands of muslims that had massively outnumbered them.

Look it up.

>>35288
>420 tanks

>>35154
neat the boards less than a day old and this is already the worst type of threads that's been made 5 times

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Hundred_and_Thirty_Five_Years%27_War

>>35557
nice

>>35281
lel

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>>35380
here m8
Dont say /pol/ never did anything for you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capture_of_the_Dutch_fleet_at_Den_Helder

>be french
>use cavalry charge against ships
>win

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>>35661
Holy shit that's fucking hilarious.

>>35661
If you think about it from another angle, it's amazing that they reached that far. Must have been a nightmare for the guy in charge of the fleet.

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>>35661
>Locate the Baltic Fleet, whose course and heading is unknown to us

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>>35693
>Having the water freeze around your ships

I guess it was a cold day in hell

>>35288
>Strength: 331 aircraft
>Casualties and losses: 564 aircraft
Every fucking time

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>>35661

>About to post this
>Duplicate file detected
O-okay then.

The wiki page is worth a read as well.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogger_Bank_incident

>Before the Dogger Bank incident, the nervous Russian fleet fired on fishermen carrying consular dispatches from Russia to them, near the Danish coast, without causing any damage due to their poor gunnery.
>After negotiating a non-existent minefield, the Russian fleet sailed into the North Sea.
>the cruisers Aurora and Dmitrii Donskoi were taken for Japanese warships and bombarded by seven battleships sailing in formation, damaging both ships and killing a chaplain and at least one sailor and severely wounding another. During the pandemonium, several Russian ships signalled torpedoes had hit them, and on board the battleship Borodino rumours spread that the ship was being boarded by the Japanese, with some crews donning life vests and lying prone on the deck, and others drawing cutlasses. More serious losses to both sides were only avoided by the extremely low quality of Russian gunnery, with the battleship Oryol reportedly firing more than 500 shells without hitting anything.

>>35846
>The Times

>"It is almost inconceivable that any men calling themselves seamen, however frightened they might be, could spend twenty minutes bombarding a fleet of fishing boats without discovering the nature of their target."

I think the Battle of Blood River is pretty much BTFO: The battle

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>>35288
Italy thread?

>>35894
>Jean Lafitte
>american flag

>>35956
A foreign advisor for the US military is still an officer in the US military

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>>35894
It's like Poetry

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>>35154

>>35943
Next time without Italy

>>35842
You'll see that shit in many battles.
That's because lost aircraft are replaced. Just like lost men are replaced. And battles last several weeks/months.

>>35281

This gets changed and reverted daily. Stupid Wikipedia Nazis can't take a simple joke.

>>35288

>lose more aircraft than you had

Italy, why?

>>35979
He was not some kind of foreign advisor.

>>36085
ital ital?

>>36085
>>36047

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Remember when Iceland won three wars against the cockroaches?

>>35661

How do you fuck up this badly? Look at the battle results and the Russian strength, their fleet was outgunned from the start, and yet they still went in.

Should have spent six months re-fitting and rte-training the Baltic Fleet and the Black Sea Fleet and then sent them as a combined force. If their was a Northern Fleet at that time, it should have also been prepared and sent.

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Sauerkraut eating surrender monkeys

>>36223

>28 destroyers

What?

>>35943

>armistice

Oh my.

>>35154
Michigan won. Got entire UP and all that sweet copper.

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>38 non combat deaths
>Both American and New Brunswick lumbermen cut timber in the disputed territory during the winter of 1838–1839, according to reports submitted to the Maine Legislature, resulting in the Battle of Caribou and other conflicts. On 24 January 1839, the Maine Legislature authorized the newly elected Governor John Fairfield to send Maine's land agent, Rufus McIntire, the Penobscot County sheriff, and a posse of volunteer militia to the upper Aroostook to pursue and arrest the New Brunswickers. The posse left Bangor, Maine, on 8 February 1839. Arriving at T 10 R 5 (an unnamed Maine township in the disputed area), the posse established a camp at the junction of the Saint Croix and Aroostook Rivers and began confiscating New Brunswick lumbering equipment, and sending any lumbermen caught and arrested back to Maine for trial. A group of New Brunswick lumbermen learned of these activities and, unable to retrieve their oxen and horses, broke into the arsenal in Woodstock to arm themselves. They gathered their own posse, and seized the Maine land agent and his assistants in the middle of the night. This New Brunswick posse transported the Maine officials in chains to Woodstock and held them for an "interview".

A reenactment of this war would be hilarious. All they did was angrily sneak around in the woods cutting each others trees down.

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>2 (two) losses

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Only the dead can know peace from this BTFO

>>36372
Cockroaches need numbers because they have no heart. Meanwhile brave Iceland annexes half of the North Atlantic anyway.

>>35956
The french threw him out during their revolution

>>36551
Brossiniere battle : 1 (one) loss

>>36581
How can this be real?

>>36598
No.

Could someone post that one battle where the burgers wanted to attack an abandoned japanese island, without knowing it was abandoned? Unforunately, I forgot the name of said attack.

>>36638
>King Peter rode to the front line, forsaking his royal armour for the plain armour of a common soldier. His army was disorderly and confused. When Montfort's first squadron charged the field, the Aragonese cavalry was crushed and Peter himself was unhorsed. He cried out, "I am the king!" but was killed regardless. With the realization that their king had been killed, the Aragonese forces broke in panic and fled, pursued by Montfort's Crusaders.

King got killed like a retard, rest of his army panicked and got slaughtered while fleeing disorderly

>>36466

>people still whine about this and argue that an army that hasn't surrendered is not an enemy combatant force

>>36466

>~200-300->10,000

nigga what?

>>36581
Holy shit, how can you fuck up this badly?

>>36706
Niska and Attu. It was in Alaska. I think it was a joint American and Canadian operation. The Japanese retreated without the allies knowing, but left it heavily booby-trapped, plus friendly fire.

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>>36000
France, never shitpost about England. Ever.

>>36717
I AM THE KING

>>35154
Gib back rightful clay Ohioan scum.

>>36745
Are you talking about this battle? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Attu
If so, I don't think that's the one I was thinking of, since there was no Canadian involvement, and there were no Japanese forces on the island.

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>>36760
kek

>>36794
Oh nevermind, there was Canadian involvement: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Cottage

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>>36809

>>36240
Lasalle is one based motherfucker

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>>36873

So who else is as happy as me about a history board?

I don't believe how long I've been waiting for this. Thank you based Hiro

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>>36895

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>>36745
The battle for Attu was a real battle. But the Japanese subsequently abandoned Kiska without the Americans/Canadians knowing:
>The Japanese, aware of the loss of Attu and the impending arrival of the larger Allied force, had successfully removed their troops on July 28 under the cover of severe fog, without the Allies noticing. Allied casualties during this invasion nevertheless numbered close to 200, all either from friendly fire, booby traps set out by the Japanese to inflict damage on the invading allied forces, or weather-related disease. As a result of the brief engagement between U.S. and Canadian forces, there were 28 American dead as well as four Canadian dead,[5] with an additional 130 casualties from trench foot alone. The destroyer USS Abner Read hit a mine, resulting in 87 casualties.

Interesting thought: Canada is probably the only country which can claim that its troops liberated (/died liberating) occupied American territory in war.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invasion_of_Iceland
>that one soldier who became an hero
>without him, there would have been no casualties
Looks like one guy always has to ruin everything.

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>>36935

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We used to have an empire...

>>36706
Here you go.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Cottage

>>36794
Infobox says the Canadian air force provided the aircover.

>>36969
>normans
>frogs

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>eat the entire civilian population
>still lose

>>36223
I know an Icelandic fisherman who was involved in that. He gets free drinks in most pubs here in Ireland

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gauls btfo

>>36047
I wonder at what point the general saw that he was losing much more planes than what he brought and just quit trying?

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40 MINUTES
0

M
I
N
U
T
E
S

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Keep in mind while reading this thread that battles before the napoleonic wars literally have fantasy numbers

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>>37151
Whatever

>>37068
Jesus christ, that siege was all kinds of fucked up when you read about it.

>(Yin Ziqi had besieged the city for a long time. The food in the city had run out. The dwellers traded their children to eat and cooked bodies of the dead. Fears were spread and worse situations were expected. At this time, Zhang Xun took his concubine out and killed her in front of his soldiers in order to feed them. He said, "You have been working hard at protecting this city for the country wholeheartedly. Your loyalty is uncompromised despite the long-lasting hunger. Since I can't cut out my own flesh to feed you, how can I keep this woman and just ignore the dangerous situation?" All the soldiers cried, and they did not want to eat. Zhang Xun ordered them to eat the flesh. Afterwards, they caught the women in the city. After the women were run out, they turned to old and young males. 20,000 to 30,000 people were eaten. People always remained loyal.)

> (After the city was besieged for a long time, at the beginning, the horses were eaten. After horses ran out, they turned to the women, the old, and the young. 30,000 people in total were eaten. People knew their death was close, and nobody rebelled. When the city fell, only 400 people were left.)

>It is possible that all dead soldiers and civilians were also eaten after this incident.

>>36717
>Help me!
>I am the king!
>>Yeah, sure, and I'm Joan of Arc.
>...
>>Wait, did he really was the king?! Oh, shit...

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>>37205

>>37152
Well, that depends.
If replacements aren't steady or there are none, your units become combat ineffective.
But generally equipment losses don't necessarily indicate pilot losses.
Pilot can bail out, or plane gets too damaged and is written off. Depended on how army counts losses.
For example, Soviets counted a tank losing track as a loss. Germans sometimes didn't count tanks suffering heavy damage as loss, if they could repair it or modify it as SPG or something else.

>>37275
Romans fighting vikings

Fuck yeah

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>>35154
Bucket war is an old favourite
>Bologna best city state Modena pls give back bucket

>>35517
Stop complaining.

>>37455
Phyrric victory, there are more to wars than just d/k ratio

>>35661
what the fuck, ruskies?

>>37151
>Be Gaul
>Surrender

>>37205
Brennus invaded Rome, and Rome recovered.

Rome completely destroyed the Gaulish culture and identity. You know the French speak a Latin derivate, right?

>>36223
>1 armed whaler
hahahahahaha

>>35693

>Jean-Guillaume de Winter captures a fleet frozen at sea

It was fate.

>>37625
Rome recovered because it was just a plunder, not a conquest.

Anyways the gauls rebelled many times and tried to fight, Cesar and Romans were just too good.

And the romanisation of the gauls was a good thing.

>>37494

It's not like a typical Russian had any value.

>>37713
Finland lost a good deal of land, islands and one of their most important industrial centers in Viipuri, as well as a good deal of their population. At least they didn't get annexed by the soviets

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>Outnumber opponent more than 2:1
>Shit your pants and run before actual engagement

>>37333
>vikings
>102 BC
About 900 years too early, mate

>>36969

>Norman
>French

Pick one. Norse invaders granted land by the king of France in 911. King had to actually bend his knee to Rollo.

>>36969
Fucking Normans

There aren't any historical ethnic groups that I despise more than the Normans

>>37784

And what the Soviets paid for it all (a few hundred thousand dead Ruskies) was well worth it.

>>37211

what the fucking fuck

>>36969
>normans subjugated forcibly by the French
>leave France and conquer England as soon as the opportunity presents itself
>kick off a 900 year long rivalry between the Anglo-Saxons/Normans and the French
>totally pure blooded Frenchmen :^)

>>36726
Some utter idiots think that most of the vehicle's got abandoned and thus only a few hundred died.

>>37932
'Sup, Gisla.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJQpyNin1Pg

>>37904
>Norse invaders granted land by the king of France in 911
The key being "in 911"
1066 was seven generations later
William had over 70% of French admixture and spoke no other language than French

>King had to actually bend his knee to Rollo
This is false btw
Rollo didn't conquer Normandy, he received it after being defeated by the French (Siege of Chartres, 911) under the condition he would protect the French coast from Viking invaders

>>37904

According to some scripts made in Saint Dennis, which was the Monastry protected by Capets.
Also, the Norse were granted lands by Charles after being defeated by the duke Robert, duke who acted as goodfather during in Rollo´s baptism (thats why Rollo adopted the name of Robert as his own).
Robert was a fine exponent of a very influential Frankish family that had gave kings to the Franks before Robert´s time, and that will give kings later, Robert himself became king, the Robertians.

But the name of Robertian did not last long once they became kings, now, they are better know as the Capets.

>>38118
The Danish started killing Germans late though.
>In the final weeks of the war, between February 11 and May 5, about 250,000 German refugees fled across the Baltic Sea to escape the sinking German Reich. Most were from East Prussia, Pomerania and the Baltic provinces and were fleeing the Soviet Army. And most were women, children or elderly. A third of the refugees were younger than 15 years old.
>When they landed, they found themselves stranded in putative freedom and at the start of a new martyrdom. The refugees were interned in hundreds of camps from Copenhagen to Jutland, placed behind barbed wire and guarded by heavily armed overseers. The largest camp was located in Oksboll, on the west coast of Jutland, and had 37,000 detainees.
>Nutrition was terrible, medical care was miserable. In 1945 alone, more than 13,000 people died, among them some 7,000 children under five. According to Lylloff's research, more German refugees died in Danish camps, "than Danes did during the entire war."
>80% of the small children that landed on Denmark's shores did not survive the following months.
http://www.spiegel.de/international/denmark-s-myths-shattered-a-legacy-of-dead-german-children-a-355772.html

>>36719
>rape and pillage their way across Kuwait until the coalition shows up
>immediately retreat because Arabs are shit at warfare
>get bombed
>liberals cry about how they dindu nuffin and the Republican Guard were good boys that just needed more oil for dem chemical weapons
makes me mad every time

>>37900
>Romans fighting time traveling Vikings
even cooler ;^)

>>35894
Andrew Mothafuckin Jackson.

>>35281
But what soup is it

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>>36240
>>36581

>>36240
I don't get people still believe the French are a bunch of coward pansy frogs. Their history is full of wars, their entire business is war, and they have a fucking excellent record for that matter.

I mean, there was a reason why Louis XIV was nicknamed the Sun King.

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>>38516
Louis XIV dressed like a faggot but he sure wasnt afraid of anything

>>38516
1. Memes
2. People are dumb
3. French bashing is trendy

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>>35154
Britain BTFO

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>>38599
>3. French bashing is trendy

It mainly started in 2003 when the US government ordered its people to hate the French for refusing to come in Iraq
Americans are always "fuck the gubmint" and all on the internet, but when the gubmint orders, they obey (pic related)

America being the current cultural hegemon, the meme quickly spread

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>>35281
>Decisive Dutch victory

>>38792
>your extremely erstwhile ally tells you to go fuck yourself
>people get annoyed about that
>fucking Americans are so stupid honhonhon
France was a mistake

>>36240
Remember when France was the terror of Europe guys?

anyone have that emu war with the autralians?

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>>38871
>America gets attacked by a Saudi terrorist
>Decide to invade Afghanistan where he's supposedly hidden
>France agrees to help
>America then decides to attack Iraq for oil, counting on the average US citizen's ignorance to make that pass for related with 9/11
>France refuses to help
>A decade later, Iraq passed from a stable secular country to the worst shithole on Earth ruled by the most cruel terrorist faction in a while

Mer'ca pewpew pewpew

>>38792
What happened 2003?

anybody have the one where an enemy nation got someone to sink their own ships because they left a radio channel open or something?

>>39009
The United States invades Iraq, if I recall correctly.

>>39009
France refused to follow USA in the war against Iraq.

>>37000
>Spoke French
>Fought like French soldiers
>Saw themselves as French
>Lived in a region historically under French rule
They were French.

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A great victory...

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>>39129
... and a crushing defeat.. Paraguay used to be pretty tough and insane.

Battle of Karansebes
The army of Austria, approximately 100,000 strong, was setting up camp around the town of Karánsebes. The army's vanguard, a contingent of hussars, crossed the Timiş River nearby to scout for the presence of the Ottoman Turks. There was no sign of the Ottoman army, but the hussars did run into a group of gypsies, who offered to sell schnapps to the war-weary soldiers. The cavalrymen bought the schnapps and started to drink.
Soon afterwards, some infantry crossed the river. When they saw the party going on, the infantry demanded alcohol for themselves. The hussars refused to give them any of the schnapps, and while still drunk, they set up makeshift fortifications around the barrels. A heated argument ensued, and one soldier fired a shot.
Immediately, the hussars and infantry engaged in combat with one another. During the conflict, some infantry began shouting "Turci! Turci!".
1/2

>>39201
2/2
The hussars fled the scene, thinking that the Ottoman army’s attack was imminent. Most of the infantry also ran away; the army comprised Italians from Lombardy, Slavs from the Balkans, and Austrians, plus other minorities, many of whom could not understand each other. While it is not clear which one of these groups did so, they gave the false warning without telling the others, who promptly fled. The situation was made worse when officers, in an attempt to restore order, shouted "Halt! Halt!" which was misheard by soldiers with no knowledge of German as "Allah! Allah!".
As the cavalry ran through the camps, a corps commander reasoned that it was a cavalry charge by the Ottoman army, and ordered artillery fire. Meanwhile, the entire camp awoke to the sound of battle and, rather than waiting to see what the situation was, everyone fled. The troops fired at every shadow, thinking the Ottomans were everywhere; in reality they were shooting fellow Austrian soldiers. The incident escalated to the point where the whole army retreated from the imaginary enemy, and Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II was pushed off his horse into a small creek.
Two days later, the Ottoman army arrived. They discovered 10,000 dead and wounded soldiers and easily took Caransebeş.

>>39107

Germany too, and they never got the treatment frogs had.

>>36866
>Americans will defend this

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Khotyn_(1621)

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Cochin_(1504)

>you will never embarrass a local ruler so hard he abdicates and becomes a temple neet

>>38137
Wait, the kings of France for hundreds of years and then their cadet branches were all from Franco-Norman stock?

>>36223
I still don't understand why we kept letting Iceland expand their fishing waters. What did we have to lose by telling them to fuck off?

>>39223
>the Japanese won't defend their aispace

>>39215
Germany have been neutered after WW2, so nothing surprising.
France was seen as an ally and with a debt to USA (with WW2). And they're at the security council and threatened to use their veto.

>>39281
no, you mixed the names.

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Tuy%C3%AAn_Quang

>>38304
Actually, my parents lived in Kuwait for a few years before the war, and luckily were out of the country when it started, but a lot of their stuff was there.

After the war, it took a while before they could go back so they asked some friends who were still there to go check their flat - and despite the town having been occupied, the place hadn't been touched.

Then when they got there a few weeks later it had been looted - by the returning locals, of course.

My dad did say the locals were a lot more respectful of white people afterwards though.

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>>39281
He's talking about Robert, the dude who defeated Rollo at Chartres (the battle that ended Rollo's war in France and forced him to accept Charles terms)
Robert was purely French, not Norman

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>>36581
>>36717
kek

>>39160
Knew that was coming up sooner or later.

Is this the biggest defeat the Swedish empire faced during its regime?

>>37152

Literally never ever should you not be maintaining or atempting to seize air superiority in any way you can.

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>>35846
>Japanese warships
>off the coast of England

What were they thinking?

>>36581
Guillaume a dû se taper des barres ce jour la

>>39402
Probably losses, yeah

But adolphus getting killed fucked up their idea of Baltic empire

>>39223
Damn right we will.

>>39240
Shit man, I'm Portuguese and I had never heard of that battle

>>35661

For anyone interested, a more in depth account can be found here:


http://www.hullwebs.co.uk/content/l-20c/disaster/dogger-bank/voyage-of-dammed.htm


>The "Kamchatka" sent a signal saying she was sinking - on investigation this turned out to be nothing more than a cracked steam pipe in the engine room.

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>>37484
>The War of the Bucket or the War of the Oaken Bucket was fought in 1325, between the rival city-states of Bologna and Modena. It took place in the Romagna district of northern Italy. It was provoked when Modenese soldiers stole the bucket from a city well
>The bucket remains in Modena to this day.

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posting some classic

>>36947

>Canada is probably the only country that can say it liberated occupied American territory in war

Thank you Canabros!

>>39707
Canada exists since 1982

>>36551
Huh, I didn't know that Medieval movie kingdom's actually existed. I bet the losses were that one important dwarf that was introduced at the end of the movie and the soldier that charged in right behind him.

>>39694
>citation needed

>>39208
>misheard by soldiers with no knowledge of German as "Allah! Allah!".
>incident escalated to the point where the whole army retreated from the imaginary enemy, and Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II was pushed off his horse into a small creek.
>Two days later, the Ottoman army arrived. They discovered 10,000 dead and wounded soldiers and easily took Caransebeş.

holy fuck

>>39807
>butthurt yuros

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>>39694
>france lasted just 1 week more
>brown people fought for france with greater ferocity
>gorillions of better tanks
And they still lost.
You gotta try really hard to be this bad.

>>38792

>it mainly started in 2003

It mainly started after the germans steamrolled them 60 years earlier

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>>35288
>tfw italians are so bad they have to steal planes midfight so they can later loose them

>>39667

>the bucket remains in Modena to this day

Rekt

>>38516
Remember when all of Europe had to team up to try and beat France, and yet still lost five times?

>>39282
The Icelanders just kept doing it and at a certain point you either accept it, or start a full out war. Since war was impossible in the political climate at the time, the British eventually just surrendered. You can be sure that this would have ended with Reykjavik burned to the ground 200 years earlier.

>>36866
We gotta nuke our troops. Freedom ain't free.

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>>36157
spit my milk, kek

>>35154
>Michigan
>into wars
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Detroit

shamefur dispray

>>39402
No. Poltava will always have that honor. There are also a slew of catastrophic naval defeats in the 18th century, but that's after the empire ends. Kirkholm was actually rather inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Sure it fucked up the army but good and ended that war, but that turned out to be pretty okay. For example, a large part of the men who got killed on the Swedish side were mercenaries whom Charles couldn't afford to pay anyway, they just didn't know it yet. The Commonwealth army was also fighting unpaid, Chodkiewicz having promised them loot from the Swedish baggage train to get morale up. When the Swedes were routed into the sea and the camp was plundered the Poles discovered, as Charles IX' mercenaries soon would've, that there was no cash to be found, and most of them deserted on the spot. Truce signed, face saved for both parties, and Sweden gets time to recover for a few years as the Commonwealth descends into civil war and is eventually beset by Russian and T*rk invasions, creating more favorable conditions for the next go-round. The Polish wars as a whole are pretty much a non-stop shitshow, with disaster after disaster that still manages to turn out better than expected in every case.
There was also a Swedish noble killed in the battle whose mistress Charles wanted to bone. There's no source telling us whether he managed to win her over after her man got fucked up by some hussar or another, but I think it's safe to assume he did. He was after all the king.

Also technically the Swedish Empire is often said to begin in 1611, so this battle wouldn't qualify.

>>39223
>Evil Amerikkka nuked benevolent Japan for nothing!
>Japan a good country they dindu nuffin!

>>40397
This was in Alaska? I swore it was on an island in the south Pacific

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>The largest Spanish military mobilization of the eighteenth century.

>>35456
I read that this was Tolkien's inspiration for the charge of the Rohirrim at the battle of Pelennor fields.

>>40864
People give the USSR shit in WWII for losing a lot of men, but at least they got results.

>>40827
I'm suspicious of those numbers. Could medieval China even put that many men on the field?

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>>40922
China can into huge casualties

>>40922

Medieval China had a population of well over 100 million still

>>40260
action packed trip to detroit

>>35693
this is amazing

>>41039
Why is there such little material on this? You'd think a war this recent and with that many casualties would be more well known.

>>36902
shitposting about history has made this weekend tolerable

>>36902
It's literally /int/ without flags though

>>41717
Are we browsing the same board, mate?

I like this board already

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>>41940
>shitposting tripfags already
Please fucking no

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>>35281
>one soup kettle (possibly containing soup)
Every time

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>>36223
>The deployment of the British Navy to contested waters led to protests in Iceland. Demonstrations against the British embassy were met with taunts by the British ambassador, Andrew Gilchrist, as he played bagpipe music and military marches on full blast on his gramophone

These 'wars' are so adorable.

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>>36995
>28 Americans and 4 Canadians were killed
Nice

>>40827
Decisive is a weak way to put it

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>>36083
>outnumbered 3:1
>this is supposed to be impressive

>>42170
>Not even a battle name
Silly me
Battle of Flodden, Scots decided to try out some neat continental technology called "Pikes" and managed to get their monarch perforated by billhooks

>>36581
Is this dynasty warriors, now with western units?

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>>38963
Never forget

>>39282

U.S. really wanted that army base there in Iceland because of the Cold War climate of the time. They probably told their little terriers to back down.

>>36547
Caribou is rightful New Brunswick clay, Yankee dogs.

>>42237
>500 000 civilians from euro sources
>2 million from arab sources

fucking brutal

>>42264
Imagine how many wars might still be going on without anybody realising.

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>>42382

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>>42454

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>>42473

>>42473
>>42454
>>42483
European wars/western wars, nobody cares about the middle east being a shithole, nor former Soviet states for that matter.

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>>42483
>inb4 wikipedia not a reliable source

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>>35661
>dozens of crew dead of malaria, decide to hold funeral at sea
>Borodino accidentally uses live ammunition for the salute
>hits the Aurora, again

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ayyyy

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lmao

>>35456
Based Sobieski

>>42509
Most if not all such wars in Europe have probably been ended by way of one party ceasing to exist as a political entity. For example the Duchy of Brittany was technically at war with some place in Italy when it was absorbed by France.

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Russkies getting BTFO by Swedecuqs

FUCKING

BLEEDING

KANSAS

>>42264
>Have you ever been so butthurt at a country that your didn't have diplomatic relations with them for 2400 years?

>>42734
holy fuck

now that you put it in that way, it's fucking amazing

>>42734
>Have you ever been so conquered by a country that you wouldn't be a separate entity apart from them for 2400 years?
Between the Satraps, the Byzantines, and the Ottomans, I wanna say the Greeks got the short end of the stick.

>pay denbts
>>no

>>36581
>Crusader Musou

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>>42554
>Borodino
>mfw Russians name ships after a battle they lost

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>>38871
it was

>>43064
thought the same

but the fact their army was not destroyed there saved them later

>>36551
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Bannockburn

>>39610
>The tone for the expedition was set as the flagship ran aground and one of the escorting cruisers lost its anchor chain. While the fleet waited for the flagship to re-float and the cruiser to retrieve its misplaced anchor, a destroyer accidentally rammed the battleship "Oslyaba" and had to return to Reval (Tallinn in modern Estonia) for repairs.

>When two fishermen delivering consular dispatches from the Tsar approached the fleet, the Russians opened fire. Ironically, the two men, who were thankfully unharmed due to the appalling standards of Russian gunnery, had a personal message for Rozhestvensky from Tsar Nicholas informing him that he had now been promoted to Vice-Admiral.

>The main fleet then approached Tangier having lost contact with the "Kamchatka" for some days. The "Kamchatka" eventually rejoined the fleet reporting that she had fired 300 shells in an engagement with three Japanese ships - the enemy vessels were actually a Swedish merchantman, a German trawler and a French schooner. For good measure as the fleet left Tangier one ship managed to cut the city's underwater telegraph cable with her anchor which prevented communication with Europe for four days.

>Having made contact, the fleet then proceeded to take on double loads of coal. These extra loads had to be stored on the decks, which caused coal dust to spread throughout the ships. The coal dust, combined with the humid equatorial atmosphere, resulted in the death of some of the seamen who suffered severe respiratory problems from breathing in the filthy black air, which congested their lungs.

>>43267
>To lift their spirits, the crews collected exotic pets on shore visits - including a crocodile and a poisonous snake that caused a panic on one battleship when it wrapped itself around the guns and then bit the commanding officer. The fleet turned into a floating zoo as a bizarre menagerie of birds and animals was left free to roam the decks. Events took a more severe downturn when the cooling plant on the "Esperance", the fleet's refrigerated supply ship, broke down. A lot of rotting meat had to be jettisoned which resulted in the fleet being followed by sharks.

>One officer had bought 2,000 cigarettes in Madagascar, which were found to be filled with opium.

>The fleet also needed to be re-supplied with ammunition having fired most of its shells in the "battle" with the British trawlers. Spirits lifted when the supply ship "Irtysh" arrived. The "Irtysh" was expected to be carrying ammunition for the fleet. When the cargo was unloaded it was found to comprise 12,000 pairs of fur-lined boots and a matching number of winter coats, ideally suited to equatorial Africa where the fleet was now stationed.

>None of the destroyers scored any hits on a stationary target. Of the battleships, the flagship scored a single hit which was on the ship towing the target. A destroyer squadron ordered to sail in line abreast formation scattered during exercises, as the officers had not been issued with new code books. Seven torpedoes were fired - one of which jammed, three swung off target, two chugged slowly and missed the target altogether and one went round in a circle causing ships to scatter in panic. For good measure the "Kamchatka" sent a signal saying she was sinking - on investigation this turned out to be nothing more than a cracked steam pipe in the engine room.

Lord almighty.

>>39443
>Having overcome these initial problems, the fleet sailed through the narrow waters between Sweden and Denmark. A note of hysteria set in as reports reached the fleet that Japanese torpedo boats were stationed off the Danish coast. The question of how a Japanese torpedo boat squadron (which had a limited range) had managed to travel 18,000 miles in so short a time was never asked.

>These rumours were further fuelled with talk of the Japanese having mined the seas and Japanese submarines being seen. This invoked a further outbreak of mass hysteria amongst the fleet. To quell this, Rozhestvensky then issued an order that "no vessel of any sort must be allowed to get in amongst the fleet".

>For good measure the fleet repair ship "Kamchatka" signaled that she was under attack by torpedo boats. When asked how many she replied "about eight from all directions". This was a false alarm. The antics of the captain and crew of the "Kamchatka" would be the cause of several incidents of an increasingly farcical nature later in the expedition.

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Not as extreme, but still pretty embarrassing considering how outnumbered Finland was.

Also: Simo Häyhä

>>38516
It's a storyline the US pushed after Dien Bien Phu. It was done to convince the American people that entering Vietnam was a good idea.

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>ENTIRE FORCE CAPTURED

>>43267
>The "Kamchatka" eventually rejoined the fleet reporting that she had fired 300 shells in an engagement with three Japanese ships - the enemy vessels were actually a Swedish merchantman, a German trawler and a French schooner

>>43301
>To lift their spirits, the crews collected exotic pets on shore visits - including a crocodile and a poisonous snake that caused a panic on one battleship when it wrapped itself around the guns and then bit the commanding officer. The fleet turned into a floating zoo as a bizarre menagerie of birds and animals was left free to roam the decks. Events took a more severe downturn when the cooling plant on the "Esperance", the fleet's refrigerated supply ship, broke down. A lot of rotting meat had to be jettisoned which resulted in the fleet being followed by sharks.
>One officer had bought 2,000 cigarettes in Madagascar, which were found to be filled with opium.

oh god, gotta love the ruskies

>>43455
I laughed like a madman at that one.

>>43455
What? What the hell is this? The US and Britain went to war with Canada? What?

>>43579
A little bit of Canada (an island) seceded, invaded Southeast Michigan and the Niagra Falls, and then started fighting the UK and the US

>>35661
That's from /k/, not /pol/.

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>Prussia was a mistake.

t. Otto Von Bismarck

>>35154
Toledo is rightful Michigan clay, Jackson worst president, REMOVE BUCKEYE YOU WORST NUT

On topic how about the Mormons embarrassing the Federal army in Utah right before the Civil War? It made the south think the army was weak and that they could win.

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posting some real shit

>>43455
>>43561
>>43579
>>43622
important note, William Lyon Mackenzie, one of the rebel leaders, later became prime minster of Canada, and so did his grandson

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Strength:
> ~10,000 Iranian
> ~100,000 Roman

Casualties and losses:
> 100 Iranian
> 20,000 killed, 10,000 enslaved, 10,000 escaped Roman

>Rome was humiliated by this defeat, and this was made even worse by the fact that the Parthians had captured several Legionary Eagles.

>The capture of the golden aquilae (legionary battle standards) by the Parthians was considered a grave moral defeat and evil omen for the Romans.

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ONLY reply to this post if your country has beaten Canada at war

>>43364
>The antics of the captain and crew of the "Kamchatka" would be the cause of several incidents of an increasingly farcical nature later in the expedition

Such incompetence is absolutely incredible.

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>>44548
>casualties: no

>>43851

I love Lasalle, he basically made a huge racket and dust cloud with his small party of hussars, and after the rused garrison surrendered he had the officers walk through his troops so that they realise how badly they'd fuck up.

>>39807
Yet America existed from whenceforth it was named.

Canada existed the moment some fucking Iroquois decided to play a joke on Jacques Cartier by calling the land to the north of the St.Lawrence Kanata or Village.
Canada=Kanata.

>>41538
It's insane. You'd think that a rebellion based led by a drug-addled Christian cultist which basically ended the Chinese empire given the lose of life, money and food would be notable in the West.

>>45086

There's been so many similar uprisings resulting in massive casualties that they don't seem to be much of note anymore.

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1/2

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2/2

>>44147
is this for real?
source?

>>36476
yet they still havent mined half the copper

and they largely have stopped production so copper prices stay high

emu wars fuck your no emu wars aussies be mad

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>>42473
>>42483
>>42454
>>42510
There's one war missing there.

>>45458
Yeah.

>Crass us gets his dick big, decides to invade Persia
>lol guess I'll just march 7 legions into the desert
>in metal uniforms
>on foot
>no water? No problem, come on man it rains and shit doesn't it?
>most of his men killed by dehydration/exposure
>the rest of you are picked off by Persian archers

>>45909
>be the richest man who ever lived
>die by having molten gold poured down your throat
based Parthians, masters of irony

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>>45849
>inb4 it doesn't count

>>35661
No wonder the Aurora mutinied in 1917.

>>45458
mounted nomadic archers were the nukes of pre-gun warfare

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>>37205
lol gg Brennus, should've taken the gold faggot.

Vae Victus

>>45458
Yeah. The numbers are obviously bullshit, but the Romans were badly broken and large parts of the army dispersed into the desert, so there's no choice other than to take the Parthians' word for how many died. In the ancient world it was customary to cut your own numbers by about three fourths and add an extra zero to the enemy, so that you look more heroic, and Carrhae is hugely important to the Persian national myth so it almost certainly hyperbolic in this case (the numbers on Wikipedia come from the Encyclopædia Iranica). Still, it was a huge victory for Parthia and the death of Crassus may or may not have enabled the Roman Civil War that brought Caesar to power.

>>45955
It was only done to his corpse, if at all. He was killed in a scuffle while negotiating the surrender.

>>45955
Crassus was killed during an attempt to negotiate when someone got trigger-happy. I don't think the story of his extravagant death is actually true.

>>46487
Even if it were true, how bad could it have been? You'd be dead in seconds.

>>37625
>Rome completely destroyed the Gaulish culture and identity

Not really. The Cavalry and Roman Legions ride in Celtic equipment.

>>37151
>enemies in high ground enclosed in a fort
>build a fort outside a fort
>get attacked by the force from the enclosing fort and reinforcements on the outside
>have your outnumbered army stretched across within your built fort repelling reinforcements while fighting another army inside the fort you enclosed

This battle is so fucking complex I can't believe how Caesar managed to keep himself pulling out his receding hairline

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU1Ej9Yqt68

>>37987
This

>>42382
the korean war is still on, only an armistice was signed

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Why are the Zulu so shit?

I think we all know the answer. But we can't turn this into a /pol/ thread :)

>>43368
the soviets did win though. And they also won the Continuation War when Finland and Germany DID outnumber Russia in that one

>>35288

They have been pretty ineffectual as a military force for hundreds of years now. It's almost like tye don't try.

>tfw all the able bodied bloodlines of men that died fighting in ww2

>>49883
reminder that even Africans managed to BTFO them

Can anyone get a picture of this infobox?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyota_War

>Gaddafi mobilizes 90,000 Libyans to take a small strip of desert
>opposed by 30,000 black Chadians and a few French
>the Chadians armed only with Toyotas vs. tanks and APCs
>Chadians beat the Libyans
>Chad CONTINUES to beat the Libyans without French involvement or even approval

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>Battle of 5 May (5 de Mayo)

>>49883
they've been caught paying the taliban not to attack them

>>42237
Killing 2 million deer is a daunting task. TWO MILLION PEOPLE. Do you get it bro. This is in the Middle Ages. Rwanda ain't got shit on this.

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>>50121
What was Toyota's marketing slogan again? "Unbreakable"

>>36581
D-Deus vult?
D-DEUS VULT!

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>>50121
Here you ho family

>>42616
Lion of Lechistan the Ottomans called him after that

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Do civil war counts?

>>37211
This is why we need feminism desu, lads

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>80 vs 4200 casualties

>>36947

I think we're the only nation to have had autonomous military bases on US territory (there were a couple of Royal Canadian Air Force bases in Alaska in WW2).

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>>52020
Yes

>>36585
Whya re y'all calling Brits cockroaches? Is it a maymay or does it have roots in history?

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posting a rare one my m8s

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>Spanish American War 1898
>America attacks Guam, fires at fort
>Spanish think they were saluting the fort, send a friendly message of hello and that they don't have artillery to salute back
>Spanish leaders on fort eventually come aboard the U.S cruiser
>they learn U.S. and Spain are at war
>"Oh Fuck. We Prisoners now"
And that is how The United States got Guam.

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>>37151
>implying