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Is there a funnier story than that of Constantine V's other sons?
>oldest brother ascends to the throne in 775
>attempt to take the throne in 776, fail miserably and lose your title
>Brother dies in 780, and you try to take the regency for his young son
>fail again, this time become tonsured and have to give communion at Christmas Mass in 780
>in 792 the young emperor loses a major battle to the Bulgars, and in response the army proclaims you emperor again
>get blinded and sent to obscure monasteries as a result
>following a coup in 797, a group of citizens of Constantinople see if you want to become emperor again
>two years later some random magistrate proclaims you emperor a fifth time, he gets executed and you get sent to another obscure monastery
>finally, in 812, following another disastrous imperial defeat the army tries to elevate you to the purple one more time
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What is it with Romans and usurpations?
>be taking a dump
>minding my own business
>spent the past 6 months trying to avoid the other officers so that I don't get roped into something
>turns out that they've all been pissing each other off and now loathe each other
>their fractious rivalries have spilled over so now the troops hate them all
>pull my cloak back down
>walk out the tent to head back to the headquarters building
>mob of soldiers charges out of nowhere towards me
>they pick me up and throw me up onto their shields
>they are cheering
>what the fuck is going on
>one of the soldiers forces me to put a purple cloak on
>its been hastily assembled out of bits of expensive curtain
>oh god no please
>I keep trying to tell them to put me down and that I don't want this
>they believe this is just classic ritual
>one of them forces a crown on my head
>the men continue cheering and screaming "emperor! emperor! hail to the emperor!"
>forced to hide in my tent
>a letter arrives from Rome demanding that I come back and explain what's going on
>oh fug
>if I go home i'll be executed
>I guess the only thing for me to do is go along with this charade
>if i'm emperor, at least i'll live
>march on Rome
>fail
>get my cock sliced off with a hot knife, my eyes gouged out and then forced to spend the rest of my life praying
Fuck's sake.
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>>3276959
Greeks aren't roman.
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>>3276966
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>>3276966
this, greeks are turks
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>>3276317
>funnier
I find it pretty sad. Is this the same guy who was blinded by her mother/sister while crying for mercy and had the bad luck to have it recorded in a text that arrived to us? I remember reading such a text, I can't remember the emperor but I know I will never laugh at emperors being punished for crimes they didn't choose to make.
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