>Grew up on the farmlands of Capua. >Herded sheep during

bite it trough you little faggot. if they disrespect you, kick their teeth out.

File: 5_32336001_crop2_x1024.jpg (574KB, 1024x1024px) Image search: [Google]

574KB, 1024x1024px

>>3135184
>"its not your fault, you are just a victim of an evil system."

>"there is but one god and he loves you just the way you are, meet me at the catacombs all will be revealed."

>>3135322
>near midnight
>nervously enter catacomb
>hear muffled chanting coming from the depths
>move toward it as sweat drips down my face
>begin to make out the words: "reeeeee catechumans leave now...the doors shut the doors"
>realize im about to walk into somekind of weird cult
>fuck fuck fuck aspergers kicks in
>young lad with neckbeard approaches from the direction of the chanting "you must be the new guy!"
>"y-you too" turn around and run home

File: 1495017426628.jpg (643KB, 1273x1273px) Image search: [Google]

643KB, 1273x1273px

>>3135504
Continue

File: lust.png (3MB, 1279x778px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 1279x778px

>>3135504
>"he knows , by god he has seen us".
>"change of plans , Rome burns tonight".

>>3135526
>run home heart pumping in my chest projectile spaghetti all over my room
>pull out miniature mosaic from under my cot and beat it three or four times
>instant relief "wew, that's much better"
>"psssst"
>look up at window
>the neckbeard from earlier is stciking his head into my room
>"hey, it's ok if you're nervous brother, i was too the first time"
>notice something glowing with moonlight on his chest
>"oh that? that's the cross our Lord and Savior died on"
>"w-what Caesar is dead? what do you mean?"
>"no my brother, our King and Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ"
>oh shit this is political isn't it
>"h-he well good luck with your rebellion, i can't get involved with this Jesus guy and his movement"
>"lol! can i come in? it's not what it sounds like"

>>3135578
>>"w-what Caesar is dead? what do you mean?"
>>"no my brother, our King and Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ"
I hope this retarded mistake was intentional

>>3135578
>doens't wait for an answer, just hops in through the window "thanks!"
>"h-he he no problem"
>"Jesus isn't the leader of a political movement he's....well, how do i put it..."
>he notices the miniature mosaic on my bed "oh no...poor thing"
>lower my head in shame
>"you're in slavery to sin"
>"sin?"
>>3135599
isn't that a general title used by roman emperors?

File: 05d.jpg (30KB, 600x451px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 600x451px

>>3135599
whats the matter now cupcake?

What's a roman equivalent of Chad?

I'm thinking Celsus or Domitian

>>3135607
sh-should i keep going?

>>3135629
sure

>>3135629
do it you little shiit before I derail it

File: 1328012bc1c000bd1eccb194218912eb.png (1MB, 853x1280px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 853x1280px

Post sexy statues.

File: Bernini - Pluto and Persephone.jpg (706KB, 2248x1232px) Image search: [Google]

706KB, 2248x1232px

>>3135695

File: ANTIQUITIES1-master1050.jpg (185KB, 1050x673px) Image search: [Google]

185KB, 1050x673px

>>3135695
>>3135726

waqihat jiddaan

>>3135736
Mashallah

>>3135629
fffuuuuck why did you stop
it was actually pretty funny

>>3135612
Titus. It sounds like cock.

File: 1393946859844.png (96KB, 265x500px) Image search: [Google]

96KB, 265x500px

>>3135184
>be Gallic nobleman
>help based Caesar get migrating Germanic speaking """Gallic""" shits off my land
>don't help Vercingetorix throw his little hissy fit
>Roman masters recognise my loyalty and reward me with riches and power that my ancestors only dreamed of in return for loyalty to the new Caesar
>within a few generations my descendants have the status and power to very nearly overthrow the last of Caesar's line
>mfw I see the faggot in OP

>>3135629
yes, damn it, tell us what happened next right fucking now

>>3137696
>>3137580
lucky for you guys im still around but tired as fug
>"yes, sin! we all fall short of perfection brother. we do things we later regret, hurt ourselves, hurt the ones we love..."
>remember my father's crippling debt to pay for my education which i wasted on lewd mosaics and degenerate greek literature
>start to cry
>suffocating hug
>"it's alright lad, we've already recieved the perfect sacrifice―out sins are atoned...look it's a lot to explain come by tomorrow and speak with brother Paul―the guy's a total legend!"
>think meh what the hell why not "sure i'll see ya then"

File: 1477885754906.jpg (636KB, 1032x1400px) Image search: [Google]

636KB, 1032x1400px

>>3137587

>>3137719
>next day rolls around, head over to the catacombs
>meet brother Paul, turns out he saw Jesus in a vision and his been preaching his teachings ever since
>teaches me about the Christian conception of man, sin, God, and the purpose of life
>still feel uncertain but growing interest
>all of a sudden a loud booming voice "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM"
>it's the fucking praetorian guard
>before we know it they're all over us binding us and carrying us away
>"w-wait i didn't do anything pls let me go"
>"bahahaha, you hear that? this jew boy didnt du nuffin, captain"
>captain halts the troop mid march
>"your accent...your from [village name] aren't you?"
>anxiously nod
>"im from there too...alright boy, you got one chance explain yourself"
>start to give a dramatic and poetic exposition on my family upbringing, my first exposure to high literature and philosophy, the varied and nuanced aspects of my current existential crisis, always remembering to give precise bubliographic references to any ideas borrowed from other authorities in explaining my own personal journey
>it takes me about 15 minutes
>he seems to be growing angrier and his face is turning red
>fuck fuck he probably needs to know more about me―start to explain my view of man and his place in the world, both light of previously held views and as a result of my exposure to the ideas newly revealed to me about the Christian religion, not failing to add at this juncture that I am by no means an adherent of this religion
>turn around to face Paul and my neckbeard buddy for a sec
>neckbeard has a look of total disgust directed at me, like i've completely sold them out. paul is looking at me with utter pity and compassion. im not sure which hurt more
>look back at the captain of the gaurd― he looks completely bewildered
>"all...those...words...confused...what the...."
>the soldier who laughed earlier says "IT'S A JEWISH MIND TRICK DON'T FALL FOR IT CAPTAIN"
you ready for the final installment?

>>3137783
yes go

>>3137783
>"trying to confuuuuse me, eh? you can't possibly be from [village name], jewish impostor!"
>they drag us away to some farcical "trial"
>watch as Paul and neckbeard conduct themselves with nobility and grace under pressure, meanwhile i just look like a dumb jerk
>i get lost in thought, space out and lose track of time. it's an extremely hot day and cool sweat is dripping down my forehead
>start dreaming about my mosaics, have full hard on but you can't tell because of the way in sitting
>captain of the gaurd calls me back from my dreams to reality "alright impostor jew boy, we got a special punishment for you. on your feet now! titus, get the cross!"
>still have full erection and it won't go down...fuck fuck fuck
>"u-uh, h-heh heh, can i have five minutes...dying man's last wish, just wanna savor the air ine last time haha"
>"dying man's lst wish? this jew boy reads too much poetry...alright lad, ill humor you got as long as it takes titus to get the cross...............ok he's got the cross on your feet, no games"
>try to walk in a weird way with my feet really close together and my back bent forward
>"i said no jewish tricks! stand up straight and die like a man!"
>awkwardly straighten up
>hermastatue.jpg
>roars of laughter as im walked over to the cross
>im completely delirious at this point and have no sense of what's going on around me
>last thing i remember before pssing out was being fully nailed to a cross and seeing Paul beheaded below me
>wake up toward sunset
>my body is throbbing in oain and im covered in sticky half dry blood
>still feel horny as fuck
>this is probably my last chance to jerk one before i die
>use every last drop of energy i can muster to tear my hand loose, and start to jerk it right there in the middle of the market
>a disgusted soldier sees me as im about to cum and stabs me in the rib
>blood and cum are dropping all over the market place
>my vision fades to black for the last time....

>>3135695
Pygmalion was right.

>>3137849
f-feedback pls?

>>3137872
pretty depressing

needs a happy ending

File: get penetrated chaddus.jpg (84KB, 782x729px) Image search: [Google]

84KB, 782x729px

>wanted to make a life for myself as a whore master in Pompeii
>tfw all my whores escape by breaking the "gold" chains I bought them
>tfw it was just a shitty alloy I put some colour on for gravitas
>stroll through town, past chaddus maximus' lupanar where come the sounds of intense futuo as an indicator of his thriving business
>fucking ordinarii
>don't know whether to join the legions conquering islandcelts or to just an hērōs
>suddenly hear loud rumble
>see huge grey wall of cloud approaching at high speed down the via primoris
>see chaddus running
>think maybe this is the revenge of that minor levantine god we conquered a few years ago
>hear whores screaming
>mfw

>>3137872
It was good job anon

>>3135612
Titus Pullo

File: enhanced-27644-1457563186-1.png (558KB, 543x407px) Image search: [Google]

558KB, 543x407px

>>3137872
What do I need to read to get to your level of historical accuracy/awareness?

>>3139208
im really not that knowledgeable, just generally well read....read some plutarch or something

>>3137984
I had some giggles.