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How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a
Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten
Spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor
Grow up to be a hero and an an anaconda?
The ten-foot long Founding Father without a father
Slithered a lot farther by working a lot harder
By being a lot smarter
By being a self-starter
By fourteen feet, he's as long as 10 garters
And every day while snakes were being slaughtered and carted
Away across to the trash, he struggled and kept his guard up
Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of
The brother was ready to constricting, strangle, and swallow
Then a transformation came, and devastation reigned
Our man saw transformed, rebirth,
He's now a slender creature of significant girth
Put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain
And he wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain
Then his arms fell off and he was long as a train
Well, the word got around, they said, “This shit is insane, man”
Took up a collection just to get him unstuck from a sewer main
“Get your education, don’t forget from whence you came, and
The world's gonna know your name. What’s your name, man?”
My name is Anaconda Hamilton
And there’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait, just you wait...
>>
You are a treasure to this board.
Thank you for everything you've done.
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>>2921139
Sir, If this was Reddit I would give you my upvote.
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>>2921139
*slow clap escalating into thunderous applause*
>>
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>>2921195
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Holy fuck i died
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>>2921139
When he was ten his scale skin split, full of it, kerotin-ridden
Two years later, see Alex and his mother bed-ridden
Half-dead sittin' in the heat lamp sick, the scent thick
And Alex got better but his mother went quick
Moved in with a cousin, the cousin saw a snake and ran to hide
Left him with nothin’ but ruined pride, something new inside
A voice saying
“Conda, you gotta fend for yourself.”
He started retreatin’, constrictin', and eatin' all the cattle in the Commonwealth
There would have been nothin’ left to do
For someone less astute
He woulda been dead or destitute
But he was something great
Mind of a scholar in a big ass fuckin snake
Started plannin’ for the future see him now as he stands on
The bow of a ship headed for a new land
In New York you can be a quasi man
In New York you can
Be great
In New York you can
Be a new snake
Just you wait! Just you wait!
Anaconda Hamilton
We are waiting in the wings for you
You could never back down
You never learned to take your time!
Oh, Anaconda Hamilton
When America sings for you
The lack of limbs you overcame!
Will they know you rewrote the game?
The world will never be the same, oh
The snake is in the harbor now
See if you can spot him
Another reptilian
Comin’ up from the bottom
His enemies destroyed his rep
America forgot him
We fought with him
Me? I died for him
Me? I trusted him
Me? I laid his eggs
And me? I’m the damn animal control agent that shot him
There’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait!
What’s your name, man?
>>
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Based Anacondanon.
Never stop you beautiful man.
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>>2921195
kill yourself
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Do you think if we print out and send all the Anaconda Hamilton stuff we could convince Miranda to re-do the second act with Hamilton becoming a snake a song or two in.
I think it would be best if they used a live large snake instead on animatronics, although the training would be tough and I guess it would be a bit of a show stopper if Hamilton starts eating Burr at the climax. Of course, "the show must go on," so they'd have to let it happen.
It'd help keep the sales up.
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>>2921139
Thanks for everything, anonconda. I love you.
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Quality Anacondaposting !
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did you ever hear of the boa constrictor?
when it fights with mice can you guess whose the victor?
every day it watches the people
from inside its church under its steeple
waiting for its daily sacrifice
of those unfortunate little mice
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>>2921139
>bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman
You could have just said "a scotsman".
>>
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Alternate history theorist who made the OG pasta would be proud, OP you are fucking based. /his/ now shills for Anaconda Hamilton.
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>>2922447
Do you perchance have the original pasta? I can't seem to find it and am loathe to think it completely disappeared.
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>>2922436
I don't think its a whorish scotsman - its a whore, and a scotsman.
Unless Hamilton was conceived with one person. Which I guess would make him the snake messiah.
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>>2922459
nvm
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>>2922471
Do you have it? I can't find it on my pc. plz post.
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>>2922540
Got it at home. Still have to add the quality responses in though
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>>2922856
So is this whole thread a combination of this post crossed with the musical "Hamilton"?
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>>2922856
>He posts the original like a based madman
<3 have a (you)
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>>2922436
Purple burglar alarm
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this is goat
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>>2921139
>snek posting is back
pls no
Thread posts: 27
Thread images: 9
Thread images: 9