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Funny things in history thread.
>Russo-Japanese War
>Pacific Fleet gets bottled up in Vladivostok, Russian land forces getting BTFO
>Admiralty decides to send the Baltic Fleet to the Pacific to save the day
>six battleships, most modern warships Russia has
>crews and ships completely unprepared for combat
>the battleship Oryol sinks in the harbor before they even leave
>finally make it out into the North Sea behind schedule in autumn 1904
>Britain is Japan's ally, not at war but suspected of aiding the Japanese somehow because you can't trust merchants
>midnight on the North Sea, Dogger Bank off the East Coast of England
>suddenly, the supply freighter Kamchatka signals that she is under attack by torpedo boats
>PANIC.jpg
>entire fleet comes about and steams straight into save their comrade, guns blazing
>the cruisers Aurora and Dmitri Donskoy are misidentified as Japanese and hit repeatedly by friendly fire, killing a sailor and a ship's chaplain
>numerous cruisers report being hit by torpedoes, begin emergency maneuvers
>the battleship Borodino reports being boarded by Japanese forces, crew attempt to abandon ship
>20 minutes of panicked firing later, someone signals to cease fire
>searchlights illuminate a tiny cluster of unarmed, severely distressed British fishing trawlers, one slowly sinking
>three Englishmen dead
>oops
>Russian fleet decides to just keep sailing and pretend nothing happened
>next morning, trawlers limp home, the Royal Navy absolutely flips their shit and raises steam on the entire Channel Fleet
>suddenly the Russians find their six-battleship fleet being pursued by TWENTY-EIGHT battleships
>surrounded and forced to park off Spain until St. Petersburg finally apologizes and gives Britain enough money not to sink their entire navy as revenge
If you're counting, you'll have noticed that the Russians only managed a 2:3 kill ratio against unarmed fishermen. The Oryol fired 500 shells and hit nothing.
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>>2899248
This is the fleet they expected to save Vladivostok from the Japanese.
>fleet preparing to set sail, when a mysterious submarine is found in a crate aboard an American clipper
>base goes on full alert because it must be an attempted Japanese sneak attack!!!
>turns out the Russian Admiralty bought a submarine but forgot to tell anyone in the fleet or the port authority
>Bongs finally let the fleet go after holding them hostage at Tangiers under the guns of half the RN
>Circumnavigating the Cape of Good Hope, support freighters and transports keep falling out due to mechanical failure
>Baltic Fleet finally reaches Madagascar, only to find a message ordering them to hold there indefinitely
>turns out the Admiralty decided to dispatch reinforcements (all old, broken-down ships which the fleet commander had explicitly refused) with orders to "Locate the Baltic Fleet, whose course and heading are unknown to us..."
>2 months sitting in port at Madagascar in summertime
>all crews are confined to ships the whole time
>malaria everywhere
>four different Torpedo Destroyers lost to mechanical failures just from sitting at anchor
>three separate mutinies by pissed off, diseased crewmen
>reinforcements still not there
>decide to hold gunnery practice
>every single battleship misses their targets on every salvo
>exactly one hit scored, on the tug towing the target ship
>gunnery practice is aborted early because it turns out the Admiralty didn't issue enough ammunition for the battleships, while Kamchatka suddenly starts signaling that she's sinking for no reason and one of the cruisers has to stop practice because of a "very large snake" wrapped around the breech of their fore battery
>dozens of crew dead of malaria, decide to hold funeral at sea
>Borodino accidentally uses live ammunition for the salute
>hits the Aurora, again
>reinforcements finally arrive
>ur fucked now, cyka nips
>Tsushima ensues
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They also bought wild animals in the coast of Africa that killed crewmenbers
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Why are Russians so incompetent?
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Here is the full thing. Something that doesn't get posted on here enough. The abridged 4chan screencap only has 50% of the pure, fucking chaos that actually happened. The journey was so fucking insane that it takes someone having to prove that it happened with their PhD thesis that it is even believable.
http://www.hullwebs.co.uk/content/l-20c/disaster/dogger-bank/voyage-of-dammed.htm
>When two fishermen delivering consular dispatches from the Tsar approached the fleet, the Russians opened fire. Ironically, the two men, who were thankfully unharmed due to the appalling standards of Russian gunnery, had a personal message for Rozhestvensky from Tsar Nicholas informing him that he had now been promoted to Vice-Admiral.
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>Pope hires Michelangelo to paint Sistine Chapel
>He's a sculptor but fuck it he's the best artist in the world and can't turn down a job offer from the Pope
>Realizes later that his painting skills probably suck and everyone is going to laugh at what a shitty job he does
>Runs away
>Pope finds him and brings him back
>Michelangelo says that he ran away because Raphael was planning on killing him because he was jealous of his art skills
>Pope doesn't believe him and makes him paint anyway
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>>2899248
>>2899278
Sounds like a f...
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>>2899644
>To lift their spirits, the crews collected exotic pets on shore visits - including a crocodile and a poisonous snake that caused a panic on one battleship when it wrapped itself around the guns and then bit the commanding officer. The fleet turned into a floating zoo as a bizarre menagerie of birds and animals was left free to roam the decks.
>Events took a more severe downturn when the cooling plant on the "Esperance", the fleet's refrigerated supply ship, broke down. A lot of rotting meat had to be jettisoned which resulted in the fleet being followed by sharks.
How did these guys even become sailors
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>Land on opposite sides of an empty island
>Proceed to shoot eachother
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>>2902337
Wat. How?
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>>2902459
Fog and American training.
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>>2900569
>How did these guys even become sailors
They were literally untrained peasants.
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>>2899818
You forgot the best part.
>be Michelangelo
>paint the Sistine Chapel
>it's taking years, and since you're so anal about your art you won't let ANYONE come in
>the Pope agrees for a while, but at some point the curiosity becomes too intense
>get in the Sistine Chapel
>Michelangelo immediatly sees you
>tfw Michelangelo literally threw a hammer at the Pope, almost hitting him
>tfw the Pope apologized afterwards
What an absolute madman.
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>>2902337
>Empire of Japan
>Not present in the area
Jesus christ
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>>2902337
Wait did the americans and canadians shoot at each othet by mistake?
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>>2903522
Yes in fact it is quite fucking hilarious. What, ran out of minorities to get offended on behalf of so now you're resorting to a bunch of fucking sailors from a hundred years ago?
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>>2903522
Their baffling incompetence is comedy gold. Shame they died though, they probably all had families to come back to.
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>>2900569
Everyone must have thought the circus was coming to town when the baltic fleet arrived. And the baltic fleet definitely was a circus.
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>>2904560
>>>/pol/
People dying is not fucking hilarious. Don't lose sight of your humanity just because of 4chan. Men - real men - drowned, were burned, died from disease, and that's not funny. It's sad; that's the only way their deaths should be remembered.
Fucking edgelord.
>>2904627
A shame indeed. Their incompetence was not exactly baffling, however. As
>>2902477
said, they had no real idea what they were doing. They were forced into an unfamiliar environment, to say the least, and expected to do an extraordinary job. The Tsardom of Russia was a disgusting entity.
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>>2905070
>People dying is not fucking hilarious
Slavs aren't people though.
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>>2905082
Agreed, they are merely target practice.
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>>2905070
We have made light of far, far worse things.
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>tfw when you're too drunk to realize you're about to be executed
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>>2905082
Slavs are superhuman.
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>>2906160
Jesus Christ
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>>2905070
>real men - drowned, were burned, died from disease, and that's not funny
Yes, you are correct. That is not the funny part. The funny part is the circumstances. Now fuck off back to redd.it and take your spacing and histrionics with you.
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>>2902459
This is mostly a meme. Nearly all of them died when an American ship hit a mine and sunk.
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>>2906416
>and take your spacing
So-called "reddit spacing" (i.e. basic readability formatting) has been used since the beginning of the site, newfag. Pic related is 2007.
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>>2905070
Lol, is this a joke? Go back to r*ddit you fucking faggot.
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>>2906429
>/a/
Wow, it's fucking nothing.
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>>2899248
1. Logistics is everything in empire.. You can built a empire fleet but if you don't have the organization and burocrats and bases to supply and direct it, it's nothing. Sounds like what happened when they were in madagaster.
2. You can build a fleet in 1 year, but it takes ten years to train a navy.
>>2902477
Didn't they have an officer class?
And I get the peasant part, but why the untrained part?
Russia is so weird. The surfs didn't even gain freedom in Russia till 1865. Serfdom is a stagnated economy because you have very few self directed actors/consumers curning money
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>>2906519
It's hard to train the fleet when your harbors are frozen for months at a time
Thread posts: 35
Thread images: 7
Thread images: 7