Craziest and most unusual deaths in history >Uesugi Kenshin

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>>2735759
Edmund "Ironside" II
Official: died of infected battle wounds in his ass.
Unofficial: Died after awnsering the call of nature, where allegedly an assasin waited for him below and stabbed him to death in the rectum.

>>2735759
No fucking way. Guess I'll read more weeb history, shit made me laugh

>>2735759
Does that mean he didn't go to the toilet for 3 days?

>>2735759
>his
>implying kenshin wasn't a woman

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>>2735759
Edward II of England was allegedly killed by having a red hot iron rod stuck up his ass.

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>>2737816
*Mars starts playing in the background*

>>2735759
>hide in literal shit for 3 days
>get shat on by all sorts of asses
>if the ass isn't Uesugi Kenshin's you have to dive "underwater" so they don't see you through the poop chute
>correctly identify Uesugi Kenshin's ass and stab it
How?

>>2737917
He was known for the mole that sat on his right cheeck.

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>>2735759
Is Kenshin an Arab?

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>>2737917
My sides

>>2737934
no he's a t*rk

>>2737917
I chuckled

Mushashi killed a samurai with a boat oar. In what was supposed to be a sword duel. After showing up late and forgetting his sword.

>>2737917
One does not question Ninjas.
Simply not.

>>2737776
It's apocraphyl. Kenshin was a huge alcoholic, even by the standards of the day, and destroyed his liver. Kenshin being killed by a toilet ninja has as much chance of being true as the theory of Kenshin actually being a woman.

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had a stroke while screaming his lungs out at an envoy of Germanic ambassadors

>>2738715
Ah yes, I can perfectly envision him screaming REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>2737894
He was gay and it was a sick way for his enemies to get revenge.

>>2737816
Well he certainly was after dwarf's second swipe

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>>2740077

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>>2740077
holy fucking kek

>>2738724
Fuckin Germies get out REEEEEEEE

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Erazem Predjamski (Lueger) was also supposedly killed on a toilet.
>piss of the Habsburgs
>after some skirmishes your castle gets besieged
>it's unbreakable due to being built into a cliff/cave
>get supplies through a secret tunel so there is no worry of starving
>go take a shit one day in an outhouse
>a treacherous servant lights a torch on the outhouse wall
>the Habsburgs blast it with a cannon

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>be king Frederick The First
>gather massive army to go crusade
> pimping out yourself with fancy ass armor
>drown in 8 inches of water when you fall off your horse into a river
>mfw

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John Sedgwick was a Union army general during the American Civil War, during the battle of Sponsylvania Courthouse, he told his men who were taking cover from enemy fire "why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance" and was immediately shot in the face by a sniper

>>2735759
Attila the Hun literally died of a fucking nosebleed after terrorizing Europe for years.

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>>2735759
During the initial Jurchen Invasion of Northern China, the Song Dynasty general, Yang Ye, committed honorable suicide by repeatedly bashing his head on a gravestone after falling back from a disastrous battle and ending up in a cemetery.

The sad bit is, since Chinese generals tend to surround themselves with a picked guard composing of mercenaries, professional soldiers, close friends and relatives, he saw all his sons killed in battle (all fucking 6 of them where in his bodyguard)

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>>2741554
Oh and speaking of honorable suicides, the Imai Kanehira- a Taira Ally during the Gempei War- committed the edgiest seppuku ever after being cornered by the Minamoto.

He bit his sword vertically, with the edge bifurcating his upper jaw, and plunged headfirst from his horse.

>>2737917
>he doesn't loud announce who he is before taking a shit

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One of Chinese history's most celebrated poets, Li Bai,- a poet famous for making shitloads of poems about alcohol and getting drunk- dies of drowning after drunkenly trying to embrace the reflection of the moon on the water while he was being ferried on a boat.

>>2741510
>nosebleed myth

His wife poisoned him at dinner

>>2737894
Sounds like something Bam would do on Jackass.

>le washing down figues with wine meme

hhehehe

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>>2735759
>poetically ask physician how to cure his ailment
>they don't know wtf he's talking about
>decides to cover himself with cow shit and dies from it

>>2740340
>cave castle

That's pretty fucking rad, never knew shit like that existed.

>>2741565
Brutal but probably also a near painless way to go if you manage to get the spine.

Some Greek dude had a bird drop a turtle on his bald head thinking it was a rock. Roman von Ungern-Sternbeck was pretty badass brutal with some of his killings. Anything involving Roman emperors. One of them smothered his dinner guests in rose petals.

>>2737787

No it took 3 days for a dwarf ninja to crawl from Kenshin's asshole.

>>2737917
You learn about Uesugi Kenshin's diet and recognize him by the consistency, color, smell, and taste of the poo.

It takes a very specialised kind of ninja.

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>>2737894
He probably liked it

>>2740410
>such is life as a crusader

>>2741624
god, even that picture made me kek

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>>2737917
>>2740077

>>2737917
he identified Uesugi by her vagina I assume

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>>2738701
Why isn't there a guro doujin about both being true?

>>2741554
The 8th Diagram Pole Fighter is based on this, pretty good kung fu flick

>>2743720

Thats a DC80 escape artist check

>>2735759
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Famagusta

Bragadin's flaying

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Geez, I'm gonna have to check my toilet for ass-assins before sitting down tonight

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Icarus. Died from acting like every teenager ever.

>>2745169
He said history, not mythology.

>>2745020
If he was trying to look intimidating, he failed completely. Looks bro as fuck.

Chrysippus
>spend whole life advocating and practicicing Stoicism, control over emotions, and logic
>see a donkey eat some figs
>yell out, "Hey I bet that donkey could use some wine to wash that down"
>literally die laughing at my own dumb unfunny joke

Kenshin was out for three days.
The dwarf hid in his toilet/room for three days waiting for him.

>>2737917
>lord's personal shitter
>other people using it

>>2745396
I think he was amused that the donkey's inarticulate, clumsy attempts to eat the figs made the donkey appear like it was fucking wasted. He probably had a stroke or something while he was laughing.

It's not a bad way to die, really: your last living thought one of unremitting amusement, the kind of laugh that makes you choke because it's so god damn funny, and those kind of laughs are always over something retarded, like watching your boss trip and fall into the mud, or watching somebody you don't like tumble gracelessly down a flight of stairs, or watching a drunk donkey trying haplessly to eat a fig. It's sort of an ironic one for a professed Stoic, though.

>>2745396
>>2745825

>Die while Shit posting

Was he the first Aussie ?

>>2738715
Best death.
Sleept tight Dominus Autismo

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>>2745159
No, Al. That would be too quick for you.

>>2735809
Reminded me about Czech duke Jaromír from Premyslid dynasty.

>His older brother Boleslaus III has him castrated.
>Runs away with younger brother Oldřich and their mother.
>Returns with army and regains small land.
>Rules and manages to break off from Boleslav I the Brave idea of joint kingdoms.
>Gets desposed of by brother Oldřich who rules in his stead.
>During imprisonment he gets blinded.
>Once he is released and denounces claim to throne, a mere shell of his former self remains as he tries to calmly defecate one day in 1035 AD.
>Gets pirced through anus by spear by on contract from rival clan.