You are forced to go back into time and serve in any war in history,

>>1921869

The War of Jenkins Ear.

>>1921869
war between ghent and bruges, which ended in the battle of beernem... WE FUCKING BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE FUCKING BRUGES FAGGOTS

Spanish conquest of the Aztecs. Very little chance of death and all the native women I can rape

>>1921869
star wars

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>>1921869

Bahía de Cochinos

>spend the day shooting at sitting ducks

>get celebration pussy after the victory

Napoleonic Wars
Do I need to say why?

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>>1921869

Well, you said "serve", not "fight", so.......

I take Stan Lee's spot in the U.S. Army's propaganda division during WW2. I will spend the entire war drawing patriotic superhero comics and then use these skills to open up a successful comic business after the war. When all is said and done, I will have created dozens of characters beloved by children and man-children all over the world, I will be a millionaire, and I will cameo in movies when I'm like 95 years old.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gombe_Chimpanzee_War

Literal chimpout.

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Literally done in less than an hour.

American Civil War.

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>>1921869
The Emu War.

>>1921952
But a pest control operation isn't a war

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kettle_War

>>1921869
The Gulf War

>>1921961
>
>
>

>>1921869
Desert Storm. First time around was easy enough, this time I'll see if I can skip that virus thingy that made me throw up.

>>1921869
finno-korean hyperwar

Id like to fight along side prophet Muhammad and kill the pagans

>>1921869
Zanzibar war, or Communist revolution.
>>1921877
Conquistadors had a very high death rate
>>1921982
Amen

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The Great Turkish War

WW2, piloting a spitfire would be rad.

>>1921982
Inshallah we will have a chance when al-Mahdi (ajl Allah) comes

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>>1921869
To serve Alfred against the Danes.

>>1922018
Shia please kill yourself

Balkan War or Italian Turkish war, can't think of something more pleasant then destroying Turks

>>1921869
'Nam or Korea. Getting a raging boner just thinking of murdering commie scum.

>>1921869
Vi-et-fucking-nam.

>blasting commies
>smoking weed
>god-tier music
>write edgy shit on my gear
>operate with 7.62 real fucking NATO

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>>1922261
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSUIQgEVDM4

>>1922041
:-)

The Moldovan-Transdniestrian War
War at day, party at night

Gulf War. Ezpz done in a few months get to live through that sick 90's economic boom.

I would like to serve with Andorra in WWI

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>>1921869

Russian civil war.

Would love to fight alongside Nestor Mahkno desu.

It would suck that we'd get backstabbed by the red army tho.

The Norman Invasion of England, so I can take the arrow for Harold and save the future.

>>1921869
The Cola wars

Really though, probably the Seven Years War if only so that when it was over I could become a pirate

>>1922560
Save the future? The line of monarchs William left created the largest global spanning empire the world will ever know

>>1922586
And now look at it. If you had conquered the world before WW1 this would have never happened

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Hundred_and_Thirty_Five_Years%27_War

World War 2, The Battle of Stalingrad, to be part of the most tide changing battle in human history

>>1924657
That isn't the Battle of the Atlantic.

>>1921869
Battle of Gaugamela

Napoleonic Wars

I'd like to be part of all the major battles; Salamanca, Talavera, Fuentes de Onoro, and Waterloo of course

>>1921869
Caligula's war against Neptune.

Easiest war ever.

>>1921871
THE YEAR IS 1741
THE FINAL BATTLE HAS BEGUN

>>1924773
Yeah but being a Roman legionary would suck, even if all you're doing is beating waves on a beach. Your commanding officer and his staff officers carried around clubs and they will beat you mercilessly for the slightest infractions.

the war on drugs

>>1924787
I'd assumed that I'd just appear on the beach to hack at the water and then disappear as soon as we were called off.

Still, fair point.

Caesar's conquest of Gaul

>>1921869
Just about any of the wars of the coalitions, for Napoleon of course.

>>1921958
don't be racist moot, australians are people just like you and me.

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>>1924711
>you will never be a part of alexander's companion cavalry
>you will never engage in cheeky bantz with the boy emperor
>you will never have a massive orgy after sacking thebes
>you will never charge with your 5000 brothers in arms into inferior persian cavalry
>you will not participate in a mass wedding with your bros to a submissive persian qt
>you will never be at his side when his troops mutiny to go back to greece
>you will never be at his side as he dies
>you will never side storm back to makedon in the wake of your friend's crumbling empire
>you will never serve under antigonos gonatas as a royal advisor
>you will never die with a sense of pride that you were part of the army of the greatest general to ever live

why even live

>>1922145
>>1922261
Vietnam would actually be a pretty sensible choice, seeing as how any Americans/Koreans/ANZACs would have a very low chance of dying. Might get some pretty spooky PTSD or Agent Orange poisoning though.

>>1925185
>would have a very low chance of dying
A little over 1% for Vietnam.

>>1925192
For real though? Is that 1% died, or a 1% chance of dying?

>>1925196
Out of the total of combat troops in Vietnam, a little over 1% died from combat or combat-related wounds. Far less than 1% of the troops active in the Vietnam theater died. Iirc, it's in the neighborhood .1% or so that died in Theater. Check DCAS if you want concrete numbers.

>>1925212
Is that for all NATO nations or just US troops?

>>1925236
US

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>>1921869
Cod wars
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cod_Wars#First_Cod_War

>>1921869
WW2

>>1922425
>ywn fight monarchists and communists on a tachanka
feels bad man

>>1922017

was going to say either this, or Vietnam flying close air support missions with a Phantom or Tiger II

>>1921869
Paraguayan War. I could kill all Paraguayans who wants to 0 chance of dying

>>1921869
Would want to be a Norseman under Harald Hadraade.
A Germanic tribesman under Arminius
An Iberian legionary in Caesar's 10th
A Celt under Boudicca
Norwegian Hirdsmen
Danish Viking
Saxon Thane in 1066
Norman Knight in 1066

War of the Bucket because I'm not a teenager that wants to emulate Call of Duty and war isn't a place anyone really wants to be unless they are fucked in the head.

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>>1921877
>>>1921869 (OP)
More than half of Cortez' men died in the siege of Tenochtitlan alone.

>>1924882
THE BANTS

>>1921869
Maybe fight for Carthage in the first or second Punic Wars. Serving under Hamilkar would be cool as fuck or taking part in the Battle of Cannae and just freaking out shouting Hannibal's name after we win.

Being a Samurai in 1274 and 1281when the Mongols tried to invade Japan would be cool too.

>little ship night raids
>exploding catapult projectiles
>collecting heads
>glory glory glory
>kamikazi
>Japan #1

>>1924792
Underrated comment.

>>1924787
>be time travel victim
>since we're bending the laws of everything, might as well make you able to comprehend latin
>if you're on this board, you know how to read and write
>this automatically makes you an immunis and gives you more pay

wewwww ladddddd

>All the people choosing pre modern wars

why the fuck would anyone want to get stabbed or have their limbs chopped off ?

>>1925981
Better than getting gassed or having your balls blown off.

>>1925985
but what about being anally raped after having your balls javelin'd off

>>1925985

>gassed

well that's mostly ww1 so there's plenty of others to pick from

>having your balls blown off

while it is a possibility, most soldiers aim to the chest

>>1925996
he wasn't talking about someone shooting your balls off, he was talking about your mum

>>1921869
I've always loved this picture. It's the look in his eyes in contrast with the writing on his helmet. He almost looks at peace. A man who has fully accepted his death and has come to terms with it.

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First crusade as a member of the Most Venerable Order of the Hospital of Saint John of Jerusalem.

>>1921869
I would want to fight in the battle of Stalingrad as a Red Army soldier. Because I have crippling depression and want to die.

Anglo- Zanzibar war.
lasted 35 minutes
I've taken longer shits than that

>>1926034
Man Knights Hospitaller weren't even a militarized force until maybe 20 years after the fall of Jerusalem to the crusaders.

Besides, being on the first crusade would have been one of the worst experiences ever. You travel thousands of miles in uncharted territory, to face wave after wave of pissed off muslims, butthurt Byzantines, and the worst heat on the planet. The "victorious" army resorted to cannibalism, eating the leather off their belts and boots, and were plagued with dysentery. It was truly almost an act of divine mandate that allowed them to win.

The emu war

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Would avenge / 10

>>1921869
WW2 battle of britain

Napoleon's Italian Campaigns

>>1921869
The thirty minute war, on the british side.

>>1922017
>Four week life expectancy

>>1921877
Nigga you have never been so wrong.

WW2, European theater, i would prefer to be in a US tank destroyer battalion

>>1921869
Caeser's conquest of Gaul so that Rome doesn't have stinking barbarians at her gates.

The one that's shortest.

Either the Franco-Prussian War (on the Prussian side) or the Spanish Civil War.

>>1921913
The chimps would fuck you up.

rorkes drift

glorious martinis firing at niggers

>>1927364
Standing on a ship in the most powerful fleet of all history loading the guns as you blow a small island into oblivion for 42 mins then.

>>1925236
>NATO
>Vietnam
huh?

>>1927613

British conquest of Zanzibar?

>>1921869
the first gulf war
so when i get out i can invest in google

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>>1927275
Being a milites would fucking suck, but being something like a tribune from a wealthy family basically on a ride-along with Caesar in preparation for a future career in the senate, managing a few minor logistical details but still getting to participate in the rapine and getting a massively unfair portion of the loot, would be fucking awesome.

>>1924678
that isnt the battle before Moscow

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>>1924778
Noice.

>>1927719
Pretty sure he meant SEATO

>>1921869
Pig War between the US and Britain

Cold War

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>>1921869

Don the Grey and charge up Cemetery Ridge with my ancestors.

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>>1921903

>Not doing your part and volunteering for frontline service in the world's greatest hour of need.

literally kys

The guy from Hacksaw Ridge has 50x more balls than you.

Also Superhero comics are cancer responsible for dumbing down American society.

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>>1921869

Invasion of Panama because I want to operate in Woodlands.

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>>1921869

1991 Persian Gulf War and Somalia for Chocolate Chip and Tri-Color desert camo.

>>1926275
My man!

>>1924882
topkek

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OPERATE WITH MY DAD IN VIETNAM, OF COURSE

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>>1921869
>you will never march to your death in the Russian steppes with your bros

Raid English monistaries and take my own redheaded Scottish babe home with me

The life of a Daine is a good one

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>>1921869
If we have perfect hindsight
>War of 1812
Dive-tackle Brock out of the way and/or kill American marksmen at Queenston Heights so he and Tecumseh can continue to bro-tier stomp Yanks and foster European-First Nations relations post-war. Also /fa/ British and Canadien uniforms.

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>>1921869
Gulf War, desu

Tbh i would save Rhodesia

Crecy
>be a shitty peasant from Bumfuckington
>get to raid fancy french villages and cities
>effortlessly curbstomp a foe that has been shitting over your people for centuries
>at the end of the battle you get to stab knights and nobles to death
>for a whole day you aren't just equal to the aristocracy, you get to shit al over it

>>1921961
>>1921974
/thread

Would go back to stop this from happening. The end of the movie really puts it into perspective
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnDsAqfTWWE

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>>1930189
a-are we the bad guys?

The American Civil War because the heck with the negros

Engaging in war is inherently immoral. I would choose death or whatever alternative there is.
>>1930000
le do your le part le xddddDDD

WW2 and fight for the great fuhrer

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>>1930251
>le do your le part le xddddDDD
if we had more people like you in ww2 we would have lost

>>1930271
So? Go back to ledbit you ideologue.

>>1930271

>if we had more people like you in ww2 we would have lost

Honestly, when you look at the world today, I think we did lose.

>>1930277
smartest thing i've heard all day

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>>1930274

>>1930294
I'm not a nihilist, I'm just not a ledbitter

>>1930297
how do you go from redditor to ledbitter
we're reaching autism levels that shouldn't even be possible lads

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Spanish civil war. Anarch-commie side, obviously.
Kill fascists, bang left winger country girls, bro up with honest and good willing people and fighting for a good cause. Doesn't sound that bad.

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American Civil War, ridin with Sherman through Georgia

>>1921869
Anglo-Zulu War

>>1930492
Disgusting.
kys

>>1930492
You're a fucking faggot kys.

>>1921952
>Decisive emu victory

battle of teutoburg as the Romans.

>>1925993
Kek

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The Icelandic Cod War.

>>1930104
>inb4 you fuck your mom
>inb4 you are your own dad

>>1921869
The first war update in TF2

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>>1921952
This. On the Emu side of course

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>>1921869
Battle of Zama. Being a Roman velite, nailing elephants or Hannibal's formations constantly with darts

>>1921869
Thirty years war. Raping and pillaging Germany as a Swede for thirty years. What a life

>>1921869
The one where wherever I go, I must rape.

Finally, I'd get to have sex.

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Franco-Prussian War (on the Prussian side)

Leuctra on the Theban side

>>1930508
Do NOT bully the south.

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Remove kebab.

>>1921869
Siege of Constantinople 1453.
I'll be a merchenary from Aceh sultanate then decided to stay and live in constantinople once the war has been won by the ottoman. I'll marry a beautiful native constantinople girl and convert her to Islam and bring my family from Sumatra to constantinople.

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>>1930508
My niqquh
>>1930777
>Being a Roman velite
>Asking to be the ancient version of cannon fodder
>>1930799
You could probably get a similar effect by joining ISIS
>>1930808
You could always just join the Union army under Gen. Joe Hooker, who brought prostitutes into the camp in an attempt to alleviate the crushing tedium of war.
>>1931048
Have fun letting all your fellow Theban hoplites take turns stretching open your boipucci.
>>1931169
He said burn, not bully. As in, the fuck-fuck games are over and it's time to give rednecks all the war that they so desperately crave, in all it's senseless glory

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>>1926275
>and presumably all the soup held within

lmao

What if you die in the siege?

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>>1921869
War of 1812. Get to whup Murica's ass and torch the White House.

WW1,better die for something than living for nothing.

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>People actually want to fight in wars

Hate is wack yo.

What's with ww2 being an obsession for many, never clicks with me why so many people romantaize this era over others?

>>1932712

It was the last big war between states before nuclear weapons forced everybody to take a chill pill.

>>1932712
WWII is pretty dramatic. It's easy to put a whole "good vs. evil" theme on the whole thing, and you've got big heroes like Patton and tragic heroes like Rommel and big bads like Stalin and Hitler, as well as a kickass aesthetic and tons of violence, action, and intrigue.

Beyond the Hollywoodization of the war it's rife with events that satisfy morbid curiosity, people's love of violence and action, not to metnion grey-grey morality debates. Furthermore it's the most significant conflict in the modern age, and its consequences are affecting the world we live in today.

>>1931985
You'd have to be a Brit to do that last thing. But rolling with Tecumseh and Brock would be bitchin'

>>1921877
This. Battle of Otumba or Siege of Tenochtitlan

>>1921958
what was WW2 then?

>>1921869
The Anglo-Zanzibar War. Only one Britbong soldier was wounded.

>>1932712

It's the most recent big one? and by virtue of spawning the weapon that could destroy the world, it might be the last big one?

Also it has a proper good vs evil element to it and pretty much defined good and evil our generations.

>>1921917
Literally this (as the English)

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>>1921913
I had no idea...

Just looked this up to see and HOLY FUCK!

Do not want.

>>1932887
no one said you could choose sides :^)
enjoy getting culturally enriched by the Eternal Anglo

>>1932941
Ah, but nobody said I couldn't choose sides.

I claim that right in absence of any stated rule to the contrary.

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>>1925267
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cod_Wars#First_Cod_War

The fact that this actually exists boggles my mind.

>>1925707
>somebody enjoys their historical fiction...

>>1921869
Some colonial war in africa and mow down spear chuckers with the Maxim.

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>>1925957
I'm losing...

>>1926024
It could be the album cover to a compilation of The Smiths' songs... or their B-sides. Again.

>>1932982
>africa

Enjoy your crippling illnesses!

>>1925267
> Demonstrations against the British embassy were met with taunts by the British ambassador, Andrew Gilchrist, as he played bagpipe music and military marches on full blast on his gramophone.

Holy shit, Britbongs, 10/10. I hope you'd do that more today.

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>>1926275
Wait, what?

>>1921869
Spanish civil war, fascist side
>>1930492
Fuck you commie

>>1933000
Gib penisillin pls.

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>>1930000
quads dictate the proof... The only comics worth a shit are Alan Moore's, anyways...

>Huzzah!

>>1930003
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_0BNAUiHA

>>1930000
> North and South locked in an epic and deadly struggle to decide the very future of America and the fate of the world
> the fate of the world

wew lad

>>1930492
Spotted the French commie.

American Civil War, 69th Irish Brigade.

They'd be singing songs about me for centuries to come.

>>1932596
>$25
Do Americans actually have this?

>>1932839
Couldn't have said it better, myself.

And that Anon who said it was the "last big one" has no grasp on recent history.

>>1933076
No. Some idiot made this.

Although, come to think of it, $25 wouldn't be a bad denomination of currency

>>1933014
looked this up and it's true...
Did not get taught this in school history.

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>>1924882
Top banter mate

>>1921930
Y

Alexander's campaign. Up to Gaugemela. I don't fancy campaigning in Afghanistan or India.

>>1933447
She's an ugly old lady in both pictures

>>1921869
The Third Cod War.

The Great Trek

>>1933889

YOU'RE AN UGLY OLD LADY IN BOTH PICTURES

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>>1921869
>You are forced to go back into time and serve in any war in history, what war do you choose /his/?
world war 2 so i can warn this great man and join him as he goes rogue, apocalypse now-style
;^)

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>>1932982
Whadever habbens, we have got,
De magsim gun and they have not :-DDD