>tfw you will never be a 20 year old parisian in 1779 why

inb4 nazis

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>>1806008
Imagine being a young man during the French Revolution
Having an ebin life like this madman

>On 10 March 1791, he enlisted in the Bourbon Regiment, where his reputation as an expert fencer was confirmed. According to Vidocq, within six months, he challenged fifteen people to a duel and killed two. Despite not being a model soldier and causing difficulties, he spent only a total of fourteen days in jail. During those two weeks, Vidocq helped a fellow inmate successfully escape.

>When France declared war against Austria on 20 April 1792, Vidocq participated in the battles of the First Coalition, including the Battle of Valmy in September 1792. On 1 November 1792, he was promoted to corporal of grenadiers, but during his promotion ceremony, he challenged a fellow non-commissioned officer to a duel. This sergeant major refused the duel, so Vidocq hit him. Striking a superior officer could have led to a death sentence, so he deserted and enlisted in the 11th Chasseurs, concealing his history. On 6 November 1792, he fought under General Dumouriez in the Battle of Jemappes.

>In April 1793, Vidocq was identified as a deserter. He followed a general, who was fleeing after a failed martial coup, into the enemy camp. After a few weeks, Vidocq returned to the French camp. A chasseur-captain friend interceded for him, so he was allowed to rejoin the chasseurs. Finally, he resigned from the army because he was no longer welcome.

>He was eighteen years old when he returned to Arras. He soon gained a reputation as a womanizer. Since his seductions often ended in duels, he was imprisoned in Baudets from 9 January 1794 to 21 January 1795.

>On 8 August 1794, when he was barely nineteen, Vidocq married Anne Marie Louise Chevalier, who was five days his senior, after she had feigned pregnancy. The marriage was not happy from the start, and when Vidocq learned that his wife had cheated on him with the adjutant, Pierre Laurent Vallain, he left again for the army.

>>1806360
>Vidocq did not stay long in the army. In autumn 1794, he spent most of his time in Brussels, which was then a hideout for crooks of all kinds.

>In 1795, he joined – still under the alias of Rousseau – the armée roulante ("flying army"). This army consisted of "officers" who in reality had neither commissions nor regiments. They were raiders, forging routes, ranks and uniforms but staying away from the battlefields. Vidocq began as a lieutenant of chasseurs but soon promoted himself to a hussar captain. In this role, he met a rich widow in Brussels[N 4] who became enamored of him. A co-conspirator of Vidocq's convinced her that Vidocq was a young nobleman on the run because of the French Revolution. Shortly before their wedding, Vidocq confessed to her. Then he left the city, but not without a generous cash gift from her.

>In March 1795, Vidocq moved to Paris, where he squandered all his money on loose women. He went back north and joined a group of Bohemian gypsies, which he later left for a woman he had fallen in love with, Francine Longuet. When Francine cheated on him with a soldier, he beat both of them. The soldier sued him, and in September 1795, Vidocq was sentenced to three months in the prison Tour Saint-Pierre in Lille.

>In the following weeks, Vidocq escaped several times with the help of Francine, but was always captured soon again. After one of his escapes, Francine caught him with another woman. He hid from her, and when he was finally picked up again by police, he learned that Francine had been found with multiple knife wounds. Suddenly, he was not only accused of forgery but also attempted murder. It took some time before Francine conceded that the wounds were self-inflicted and the charge was dropped. Vidocq's contact with Francine stopped when she was convicted and sentenced to six months in prison for aiding the escapes.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eug%C3%A8ne_Fran%C3%A7ois_Vidocq

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>>1806008
>You will never liberate the Pentarchy

>tfw you will never die fighting to free Éire from perfidious Albion

>>1806360
>Vidocq learned that his wife had cheated on him with the adjutant
Geez this again, what's up with XVIIIth century women?

>>1806362
>When Francine cheated on him with a soldier, he beat both of them
What the fuck and this too.

Vidocq what are you doing with these hoes my brother?

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>>1806425

>ywn be an ambitious young man braced into the world in the early XIXth century enlisting in the French army at the height of colonialism
>ywn learn the ropes of being a colonial soldier, how to bribe locals, learn their languages and customs, and introduce them to the glory of civilization, rising from a private to the governor of a colonial province
>ywn journey the world through as varied places as Madagascar, Gabon, French Polynesia, Indochina
>ywn be invited back to Paris by rich politicians and colonial-enthusiast to hold conferences on the studies you've performed on "The Savage of Cambodia and his ways"
>ywn never have a river or town named after you for having been the first European to discover it

I can't be the only one that's nostalgic over that era when Europe truly did tighten its grip over the world, when anyone ambitious enough could grow from being some sorry private to becoming the admnistrative ruler a European power's colony.

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>tfw you will never be a young rich man AT ANY TIME IN HISTORY

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>>1806008
>you will never be a petit-bourgeois in 1860's Paris

>>1806491
pretty young man*

;-;

>>1806450
>>1806458
Also from the wiki page

>By age fourteen, he had stolen a large amount of money from the cash box of his parents' bakery and left for Ostend, where he tried to embark to the Americas; but he was defrauded one night and found himself suddenly penniless. To survive, he worked for a group of traveling entertainers.
>However, he was banished from them because he flirted with the young wife of his employer. He then worked some time as an assistant of a pedlar, but as soon as he neared Arras, he returned to his parents seeking forgiveness. He was welcomed by his mother with open arms.

People say that modern women have became whores, but the truth is that they always were

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>>1806362
>In 1795, he joined – still under the alias of Rousseau – the armée roulante ("flying army"). This army consisted of "officers" who in reality had neither commissions nor regiments. They were raiders, forging routes, ranks and uniforms but staying away from the battlefields. Vidocq began as a lieutenant of chasseurs but soon promoted himself to a hussar captain. In this role, he met a rich widow in Brussels[N 4] who became enamored of him.
>In March 1795, Vidocq moved to Paris, where he squandered all his money on loose women.

This sounds awfuly similar to the plot of Barry Lyndon

>>1806507
>He was welcomed by his mother with open arms.
At they least they're granted wisdom and kindness with mom-status though. Always have.

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>>1806362
>This army consisted of "officers" who in reality had neither commissions nor regiments. They were raiders, forging routes, ranks and uniforms but staying away from the battlefields. Vidocq began as a lieutenant of chasseurs but soon promoted himself to a hussar captain.

For all the lives I may wish I could've led in some more interesting era, I still think I'd never give this one up for the chance at tasting another one.

Shitposting, bantering, raging with you guys, you name it, there's nothing I think I could've liked more in any other era. You lot claim that this era is boring, but will there be ever another generation that experiences the internet before it becomes just one another facet of our lives acting on the whims of firms such as Buzzfeed or Youtube.

I know this sounds like a drunken confession, but it has something the most sincere I might've said in a year now, but I love you guys. For nothing in the world would I give up all my years of shitposting, all I've done here, exploring the internet to its weirdest and craizest parts. Nowhere else in history could I find that.

Luv u guys <3

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>>1806008
>>1806360
>>1806362
>>1806458
>>1806490
>>1806509

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>>1806008
>tfw you are a 20 year old parisian
>except in 2016
fuck
it's awful
tfw i live in a shit poor city
tfw everywhere is dirty
tfw everyone is a nigger
tfw i'll probably get beheaded in the next few years

>>1807212
Suffit de s'exporter à Neuilly l'ami, ou les chics villes qui encerclent Paris sans subir son sort: Rouen, Reims, euh, Nantes?

>>1807210
>being interested in France means you are french

Golly gee, couldn't it be that France can boast of a vivid and rich history?

Would you rather have people greenposting about how they'd wished they could be a British napoleonic soldier who would sit on his island for ten years, then fight reserve troops in Spain, then get defeated at Waterloo.

It's more "meh" on the interesting-scale.

>>1807187
Can u honestly imagine threads (or whatever) being made in 10/50/100 years complaining about not being able to shitpost on a Madagascan basket weaving forum though?

>>1807210
>being this mad that nobody is interested in your shit country

>>1806501

Huuung
This bro

Dem feels

>>1806485
I don't know what this means.

>>1807234
>Toutes les grandes villes de France subissent le même sort, Rouen c'est la nouvelle banlieue de Paris et Nantes c'est remplis de bobo et de cacapeaux

>>1807281
Nope, but only because they'd not be in the right context to long them.

I don't know what makes this current generation such an adept one for Laotian pottery decoration forums, but I do know that it's probably one of the few ones that could enjoy it.

People in 50/100/1000 years, eh, maybe not so much.

>>1807212

J'ai fait un an d'études pas loin, à clignancourt.
Des fois on ressent un malaise quand même.

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>>1806008
>ywn fight under Gustavus Adolphus

>>1807212
so basically like paris in 1779

>>1806425
You've still got a chance. 26 + 6 = 1

>>1807312
>Des fois on ressent un malaise quand même.
Which is pretty much explicited by the FN's popularity, n'est-ce pas? Or even with the demagogy Sarkozy is nowadays riding on.

>>1807312
long for them*

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>>1806008

>tfw you will never fight alongside Nubians and Romans in the battle of Zama against Hannibal

>tfw you will never kill Nazis alongside soviet comrades.

>>1807334
Meant for >>1807315

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>>1807269
>Would you rather have people greenposting about how they'd wished they could be a British napoleonic soldier who would sit on his island for ten years, then fight reserve troops in Spain, then get defeated at Waterloo.

Better than being assfucked by a coalition and have your great commander emperor sent to St. Helena for the rest of his days.

>>1807300
>being this retarded

>>1807281
>i wish i lived in the 2010s before civilization collapsed and society was just a huge decadent drug-induced orgy
>so much food people become obese
>nobody really had to work hard
>televisions and computers and porn and endless entertainment, anytime anywhere
actually no i'm pretty sure we'll be envied as fuck in the future
our starving children in post-apocalypse world will probably not even believe it

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>Ywn not be Spanish

>>1807340
>have your great commander emperor sent to St. Helena for the rest of his days.
Pretty certain that French soldiers were scoffing at the thought that Brits were so insanely scared of the prestige Napoleon had that they dared not even execute him.

>Better than being assfucked by a coalition
>implying it's more embarassing it's more embarassing for one guy to be beat up by twelve guys, rather than be twelves guys and get beat up by one guy

>>1807340
ah mais c'etait notre vieil ami l'anglo eternel

why do you get so mad the second someone mentions us?

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>>1807408
You made a typo there with it's more embarrassing, you should probably check that out, Mr. Francophile.

>>1807486
I don't, I get mad when they suck your cock instead of Britain's when we're they're the ones who made the world great, they're the ones who made actual history compared to insignificant France.

Your country is NOTHING. ZERO. ZIP.

The ONLY reason why you're SO overrated is because you're allied with them, and you're always their buttbuddies. That's IT. Nothing else matters, you cheese-surrender monkey.

>>1807522
>when we're they're the ones who made the world great,
>we're they're
nigel stop pretending to be an american

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>>1806008
>Unironically wanting to live through the French Terror

>tfw i will never be a recognized lute player
>tfw i will never spend every day composing pieces in your small but sufficient room situated next to the marked square and pound that qt mezzosoprano pussy in your spare time
>i'll never walk from town to town sleeping in houses of the wealthy in exchange for a galliard
>never will i take my cittern to the local taverns to play some dances with the crumhorn homies and go home with a qt busty laity girl


>tfw no john dowland or girolomo kapsberger

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>>1807529
No, it's the other way around, you fucking frog.

I always wanted to be British, but because of this stupid revolution which you faggots funded I have to belong to this stupid, violent shithole called the US of Gay.

Britain and her colonies were glorious and you had to ruin my one chance of actually being a Commonwealth citizen.

I hate you France, I HATE YOU.

holy shit guys imagine being this ignorant >>1807522

that or he is a gimmick poster, in which case you only need a tripcode

>>1807531
It was fun when you were not a monk or an aristocrat.

also
>ywn never be a 20 years old gascon nobleman in 1719

>>1807531
If makes for an epic story to tell your grandchildren

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>>1807556
Shut up, Francophile, I hate you AND your Robespierre fetish with France.

I will always be a loner in this majority of France cocksuckers on this goddamn board, you don't understand the pain I go through watching it get subdued by mongrels like you.

>>1807568
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-WrT99pz-U

>ywn take your meagre inheritance from your official father in Poitiers and settle along the Saint-Laurence with a qt fille du Roi and have 12 children to toil the land with
>ywn join the local militia with 4 of your sons and repel filthy British dogs from your village
>ywn have tens of thousands of descendants across North America all to your surname

Why René?

ywn be jack the ripper singing

> hacking bitches left and right
> hacking bitches with my knife

>>1807548
Our revolution is not the cause for yours.

Also, just fucking walk to Canada you whiny obese german-descended colOred person.

>>1807625
Yes but you all funded mine. And for that you must pay the price for what you did to my country 300 years ago.

>Also, just fucking walk to Canada you whiny obese german-descended colOred person.
Fine, I will, maybe then I won't be insulted for being an American. Look at you, you even spit on our Revolution even afterwards.

You created a monster of a nation and you don't even apologize for it. You truly are a piece of shit, frog.

>>1807625
When he realizes nearly all products in canada are written in french he'll REEEEEEEEEE his way back to murica.

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>tfw you will never live in the 30's with a hot banging wife who wears white silk gloves in public.

Glove fetish guy here.

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>>1807690
How could you literally like this country like omg it is literally the worst, literally the HITLER out of all countries.

America is HORRIBLE and you should think so too!

>>1807669
>You created a monster of a nation and you don't even apologize for it.
I don't take responsibility for the acts of kings.
But if a french king helped create your country, your nation was made of anglos, and that's why it's shit.

>>1807746
>I don't take responsibility for the acts of kings
Then you should take responsibility as a country, apologize. APOLOGIZE.

>But if a French king helped create your country, your nation was made of anglos, and that's why its shit
Ugh, how infuriating it is to hear that. It's not even the truth, France is literally shit omfg roflmao

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>>1807745
Modern America is the greatest place on Earth!

>>1807590
Can someone please screencap this post and add "/his/-history & humanities".

I've been laughing for five minutes at this.

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>>1807281
I remember when imageboards where still full of criminals, neo-nazis, and drug addicts.
A lesser-known and now defunct chan I used to visit used to be full of threads about ordering drugs online through crypto currencies, pedophilia, and other absolutely illegal practices. Several tripfags from the site ended up getting arrested on domestic terrorism charges (something about mailing guns across state lines), several killed themselves, and one is now rotting in jail for trying to stage a false-flag terrorist attack and murdering some Indian guy.

Sure, if I was living in the Balkans pre-ww2 or some shitty African country I could also experience this kinda shit, but I got to do it from the comfort of my own room. Now the internet is so commercial its hard to find those weird areas where law and morality are completely suspended.

And assuming I'm alive for the next 40 years, I'm going to get to see the Middle East get even shittier, global warming displace billions, South America melt down again (it looks like it's going that way now), the USA's decline from a global super power, and the gradual return of fascism.

It's an exciting time to be alive.