ITT: unexpected life lessons you learned from history
I've had chronic indigestion, but when reading about Charles V I learned that his deformed jaw prevented him from properly chewing his food and gave him digestion problems.
I chew my food better now and I can digest just fine. Thanks Charles V!
>>1768018
Holy shit I'm going to try this
Thanks Charles V!
Hitler tried doing two things at once, and it did not work. Thats why I never see my girlfriends at the same time.
>>1768018
Charles V taught me that when barons are increasing in power, it's not a good idea to persecute a beloved religious reformer.
But seriously, Charlie V was a solid dude and taught me even the best people can overexert themselves, so it's a good idea to relax when it's prudent.
>>1768018
Thanks Charles V!
>>1768018
Henry VIII taught me that being fat and gross will cause your wives heads to fall off, so I've carefully avoided women my whole life! Thanks, Henry!
>>1768044
>Hitler tried doing two things at once, and it did not work. Thats why I never see my girlfriends at the same time.
While the Soviet Union is thinking I'm fighting the Brits and the Brits are thinking I'm fighting the Soviets, I'm actually home alone drawing paintings.
>>1768018
Thanks Charles V!
>>1768018
push yourself hard enough and you can achieve anything
Marie taught me that giving cake to the peasants lead to way too many beheadings and driving your country to shit
So now I eat the whole cake alone.
>>1768018
Thanks Charles V!
>>1768018
I'll try this. Hope it works. Thanks anyway though, Charlie.
>>1769878
>waste dads money on conquests
>cause a riot an de massacre 30k people
>when riot starts you start packing but then your wife tells you to stay
>when you down empire is over extended and broke as shit and Constantinople is filled with diseases
>instead of attacking Persians or arabs when you have the upper hand you attack shitty Germans for Muh feels
Can we stop this meme that he was a good emperor ?
>>1768018
>Removed Kebab
>Removed Protestants
>Removed Indios
>Cucked France
>Gives health advice
Is there an emperor as based as Charles V?
>>1770384
Thanks Charles V!
Italian Renaissance sculptors showed that marble can look like silk, so now I wear suits made of marble. Thanks, Bernini!
>>1768018
Based Charles V still helping from the sky those willing to listen in the 21th century.
>>1768018
Thanks Charles V!
>>1770990
T-thanks, Bernini...
>>1768018
Thanks Charles V!
Thanks Charles V!
I don't get why he has the reputation of being inbreed. His parents were not close relatives.
Inbreedness was mostly a problem for later generations of Habsburgs.
fuck charles v, Bismarck showed me that germania must be groß
>>1769878
>implying
>>1773291
>must be groß
>makes a kliendeutsche state
Thanks Charles V!
>>1773288
It's probably just because of the habsburg jaw
You have been visited by Charles V
Properly chewed food and good digestion will come to you only if you post "Thanks Charles V!" in this thread.
>>1768018
Inbreeding is bad, 'mkay
>>1774477
Thanks Charles V!
>>1774294
Stand for what you believe in
Even if you stand alone
Thanks Charles V!
>>1768018
>not all sex is good
http://www.novelok.com/essential-writings-machiavelli?page=0,280
http://www.novelok.com/essential-writings-machiavelli?page=0,281
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Thanks Charlie 5!
Gracias Carlos I de España y V del Sacro Imperio Romano Germánico.
>>1777337
Are you God?
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1777350
¿Por qué?
>>1770252
This
The law code was based, but overall he crippled the empire with his vanity conquests.
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1776189
>>1777368
Based Charles V made me learn that God speaks spanish.
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1770990
>tfw no marble gf
>>1775881
Gracias mi emperador.
>>1776189
What the fug.
>tfw you just read a 16th century greentext
>>1777449
How many languages did he speak? He just seems like a joker.
>>1777480
It was perfectly normal for a noblemen of that era to learn many languages, and specially for a man that ruled such a multicultural empire BUT had no absolutist power and needed to have a somewhat personal relationship with his vassals.
He was born in the netherlands, became king of Spain at the age of 16 and emperor when he was 19. French was the language of diplomacy, italian the language of poetry, literature and art in general (not to mention his multiple possesions on Italy). It's not surprizing that he was able to speak spanish, german, french, italian. Probably flemish/dutch or the equivalent of the time too, and latin.
>>1777492
I wonder if he spoke English. Though I doubt anyone on the continent bothered to learn English back then.
>>1777499
I don't know, but he probably didn't. His son Philip II might have spoken some english though, since he was king consort of England for four years.
Ironically Charles allied England (albeit reluctantly) while Philip invaded it.
>>1775881
Gracias Carlos Quinto!
>>1777545
You made me remember we have had this in Mexico for decades.
>>1777625
It has changed through the decades but they can never get the emperor completely right.
>>1777625
Carlos V brought chocolate to Europe.
Thanks Charles V!
>>1777646
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Gracias Señor Cinco.
>>1770252
He couldn't attack the Persians because they were stronger. The Riots were completly justified as they had no reason to rebel. Constantinople crippling cause of disaeses is literally out of his control, the only thing he shouldnt have done was waste so much money for conquests
>>1775881
Thanks Charles, by the grace of God, Holy Roman Emperor, forever August, King of Germany, King of Italy, King of all Spains, of Castile, Aragon, León, of Hungary, of Dalmatia, of Croatia, Navarra, Grenada, Toledo, Valencia, Galicia, Majorca, Sevilla, Cordova, Murcia, Jaén, Algarves, Algeciras, Gibraltar, the Canary Islands, King of Two Sicilies, of Sardinia, Corsica, King of Jerusalem, King of the Western and Eastern Indies, of the Islands and Mainland of the Ocean Sea, Archduke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Lorraine, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Limburg, Luxembourg, Gelderland, Neopatria, Württemberg, Landgrave of Alsace, Prince of Swabia, Asturia and Catalonia, Count of Flanders, Habsburg, Tyrol, Gorizia, Barcelona, Artois, Burgundy Palatine, Hainaut, Holland, Seeland, Ferrette, Kyburg, Namur, Roussillon, Cerdagne, Drenthe, Zutphen, Margrave of the Holy Roman Empire, Burgau, Oristano and Gociano, Lord of Frisia, the Wendish March, Pordenone, Biscay, Molin, Salins, Tripoli and Mechelen!
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
Thanks Charles V!
Thanks for growing a beard Charles V!
>>1768018
Never ever ever EVER trust an Englishman, they're basically white Jews.
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1770384
[spoiler]Phillip II[/spoiler]
>>1779927
Thanks Charles V!
>>1780275
Well, Phillip II cucked the portuguese (and moderately cucked the ottomans in Lepanto) BUT, I don't think he gave any health advice, and Charles was better at cucking France, completely sorrounding them with the
>
>
>
and capturing Francis I.
I guess there isn't an objective answer to my question.
>>1779983
You can trust them so long as you're Portuguese and not trying to colonise Africa.
>>1781988
Tbqh Francis was also based. It was a time of based monarchs.
>>1775881
Danke, Karl V.
>>1782510
Portuguese were their closest allies, so they completely fucked them over only several times.
>>1782649
I still think it's amusing that an alliance with England of all nations manages to be the oldest still around.
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Merci Charles Quint!!
>>1782731
>>1775881
As someone with a Habsburg jaw, I thank you Charles V!
>>1782540
Good Times
>>1774294
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
>>1775881
Thanks Charles V!
Not being good at something doesn't mean you can't succeed. You just need to speak the language, and hopefully know what your limits are.
This is like every shitty emperor ever
Thanks Charles V!
>>1768018
Emperor Michael III taught me to keep friends for the sake of friendship and NEVER rely on them for work or money or help.
Bismarck taught me to always know your strengths, and judge situations by what they will cost you.
>>1770031
This is a misattribution. She actually said "Let them eat cock!"
>>1769878
>marrying a literal whore who guzzled the cum of 10,000 men
He was a cuck.
Enver pasha taught me that genocide aent real and that we should respect our ethnic minority
>>1768044
based
>>1770031
>still believing the propaganda that HRH Marie-Atoinette said "let them eat cake"
>being on here
GTFO revolutionary scum REEEEEEEEEEE
>>1774477
>habsburg fucking shits
I think I'm gonna throw up