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Post fun historical anecdotes.
Bonus points if it's not about Diogenes.
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Isaac Newton died a virgin in living in his sister's basement.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerningham_Wakefield
>Because of his increasing alcoholism his behaviour was very erratic and he was an embarrassment to his supporters. He was one of the MPs sometimes locked in small rooms at Parliament by Whips to keep them sober enough to vote in critical divisions, though in 1872 this was defeated when political opponents lowered a bottle of whisky down the chimney to him.
the ol' chimney wiskey trick
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>>1451048
They should have known to shut the flue.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Dexter
>mfw you'll cowards don't even pepper and salt as you please
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>>1451298
this . , . , .
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>>1450988
>anecdotes
I'll check you one scientists with assburgers and raise you one with even more assburgers.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Cavendish
>Cavendish was a shy man who was uncomfortable in society and avoided it when he could. He conversed little, always dressed in an old-fashioned suit, and developed no known deep personal attachments outside his family. Cavendish was taciturn and solitary and regarded by many as eccentric. He only communicated with his female servants by notes. By one account, Cavendish had a back staircase added to his house in order to avoid encountering his housekeeper because he was especially shy of women.
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>>1451315
>His only social outlet was the Royal Society Club, whose members dined together before weekly meetings. Cavendish seldom missed these meetings, and was profoundly respected by his contemporaries. However his shyness made those who "sought his views... speak as if into vacancy. If their remarks were...worthy, they might receive a mumbled reply, but more often than not they would hear a peeved squeak (his voice appears to have been high-pitched) and turn to find an actual vacancy and the sight of Cavendish fleeing to find a more peaceful corner"
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>>1451319
>It's reported that on one occasion Cavendish answered the door and was surprised by an admirer that had come all the way from Vienna, Austria. The Austrian immediately started showering him with compliments that were received by Cavendish like percussion's to the head with a blunt instrument. Unable to deal with this any further, he fleeted out the door and onto the road leaving the front door entirely open. It was only several hours later that he was found in some nearby woods and they could convince him that it was safe to return into the property.
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>>1451330
>Henry Cavendish's favourite residence was in Clapham Commons (one of the streets there still bears his name). Although the house was certainly enormous, only a small set of rooms were for his personal use. All the rest was turned into laboratory and workshop space for Cavendish's numerous experiments. His hobby of collecting fine furniture seemed to be his only extravagance. The very few guests there commented on Cavendish's penny-pinching habits, "if anyone dined with Cavendish, he invariably gave them a leg of mutton, and nothing else". According to another story about Cavendish, when he entertained a group of four scientists and the housekeeper commented that the usual leg of mutton wouldn't be enough. His answer? "Well then, get two".
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But was the story of the flood original to the Bible at all? We know that it was not. This first became apparent a century and a half ago, in a room above the secretary's office in the British Museum. It was there in 1872 that George Smith, a self-taught Assyriologist working among the thousands of ancient clay tablets brought back to Bloomsbury from Iraq, made a sensational discovery: a version of the flood story written in cuneiform. So overwhelmed was he by the implications of his find that he immediately leap to his feet, ran around the room, and started taking off his clothes.
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>>1451351
Was it the epic of Gilgamesh or something?
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Kutusov wasn’t in great health. He was 66, very fat, and had a wonky eye from having been shot in the head by the Turks in 1773. Czar Alexander found him too ugly to even look at.
Kutuzov survived being shot in the head twice. One bullet destroyed his frontal lobe in 1774 which led him to erratic behaviour and decision making. He was shot again in 1788.
However, Kutuzov still managed to guide his army to victory over Napoleon's army when the French tried to invade Russia in 1812
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>>1451430
>even a literally half-brained retard defeats the French army
How can they be such an embarrassment?
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>>1451458
It was just a prank bro
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>>1451430
Kutusov's ""strategy"" :
>run
>don't fight
>burn Moscow
Wow such a great general
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>>1451468
>winning strategy has to look fancy
I bet you would make a great general
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The 16th century Irish Lord Aodh Mór Ó Néill is buried in Rome in the San Pietro in Montorio
On the anniversary of his death, the Irish community in Rome still lay wreaths on his grave
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>The trip to Kimberley, Johannesburg, and Pretoria was a pleasant one. At the last-named place I met Mr. Krüger, the Transvaal president. His Excellency received me cordially enough; but my friend Judge Beyers, the gentleman who presented me, by mentioning that I was on a voyage around the world, unwittingly gave great offense to the venerable statesman, which we both regretted deeply. Mr. Krüger corrected the judge rather sharply, reminding him that the world is flat. "You don't mean round the world," said the president; "it is impossible! You mean in the world. Impossible!" he said, "impossible!" and not another word did he utter either to the judge or to me.
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US President Andrew Jackson had a pet parrot that had to be removed from his funeral because it was cursing too much
http://presidentialpetmuseum.com/pets/andrew-jacksons-pet-parrot/
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>>1451468
Well it bloody well worked didn't it?
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Peter the Great has a bunch
>Peter the Great was a keen amateur doctor and dentist. He once saw a tooth being pulled out of a person's mouth and became obsessed with carrying out random dental checks on his subjects. His 250 courtiers were unwilling victims, having any suspect tooth whipped out at a moments notice. Sections of gum would often accompany the extracted chomper as the tsar did not know his own strength or the minimum force required to undergo such a process. He carried a small bag of the pulled teeth around with him wherever he went as proof of his 'ability'.
>a courtier came to him and asked him for his help. The courtier said that his wife had a terrible ongoing toothache, but that she was afraid of dentists. He asked the tsar to trick the woman into getting close enough to the wannabe dentist so that she could have her tooth removed. Peter the Great complied, valiantly fighting against the screaming and panicked woman, eventually getting the offensive tooth. Later it was learnt that there had been nothing wrong with the tooth at all; the courtier had been fighting with his wife and wanted to teach her a lesson.
>Peter's visits to the West impressed upon him the notion that European customs were in several respects superior to Russian traditions. He commanded all of his courtiers and officials to cut off their long beard. Boyars who sought to retain their beards were required to pay an annual beard tax of one hundred rubles.
>When Peter the Great found his wife had a lover he had the man beheaded, then forced her to keep her lover’s head in a jar of alcohol in her bedroom which stood in Catherine’s bedroom till Peter’s death.
>Peter the Great loved dwarfs and kept many around at a time. He was even known to have a naked dwarf jump out of a giant pie for his amusement.
>at his mistress Mary Hamilton’s beheading in 1719, he showed the crowd where her vertebrae, windpipe, and carotid arteries were
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>During the Napoleonic Wars, a French ship of the type chasse marée was wrecked off the coast of Hartlepool. The only survivor was a monkey, allegedly wearing a French uniform to provide amusement for the crew. On finding the monkey, some locals decided to hold an impromptu trial on the beach; since the monkey was unable to answer their questions and because they had seen neither a monkey nor a Frenchman before, they concluded that the monkey was in fact a French spy.Being found guilty the animal was duly sentenced to death and hanged on the beach.
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>>1451690
DONT TALK SHIT
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>>1451663
Peter loved dwarves, but his contemporary King Frederich of Prussia loved giants. Whenever he was felling down he had his brigade of 7ft grenadiers march through his bedroom. When Fred joined Peter in the great Northern War, Peter sent some of Russia's tallest men to his court in gratitude. When the two kinds fell out, Peter had his giants smuggled back. Their relationship never recovered.
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>>1451663
he went to bongland to learn how to make non-retarded boats and got kicked out of the guys house he was staying at cuz he had drunken wheelbarrow races in the garden.
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>>1449191
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This entire fucking thing.
http://www.hullwebs.co.uk/content/l-20c/disaster/dogger-bank/voyage-of-dammed.htm
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>>1451468
Using the Fabian strategy is the sign of a great general, idiot.
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>>1451298
Timothy Dexter and Viper. Sometimes I fucking love this place.
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The first guy to be hung in Salem Massachusetts was a notorious animal fucker
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>>1451458
Frontal lobe is tactics only. He can still do strategies.
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>>1451894
Shooting at your own supposedly happened plenty to everybody during the Napoleonic wars though
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>>1451298
the man- absolutely the man
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>>1451588
An american classic to be honest
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>>1449191
That cherry tree shit is fake as fuck.
My favorite Washington story is the time his army was fleeing from the British army in the night across a river, and he decided to stay until the last boatload. Towards the end the sun starts coming up and like forty guys pile into an overloaded boat panicked as hell and Washington picks up a big rock and threatens to toss it into the boat, capsizing it if some of them don't get out.
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>>1451690
There is some speculation that this monkey was in fact a powder monkey, i.e. a small boy whose job it was to run powder to the cannon crews.
But it's more fun to hope it actually was a monkey.
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>>1451468
Many generals have deployed similar strategies like Fabius Maximus in the second punic war to combat Hannibal in italy
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>>1451939
How many times do you need to get caught before your buggering is 'notorious'?
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>>1451905
Yeah that's funny as fuck but in reality that's how naval warfare was for the most of history.
Total shitshow.
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>>1451298
the OG mad man
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>>1452207
It was Salem, a small colony. Just do it once and the whole settlement will call you the notorious animal sodomizer.
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>>1451468
you certainly know nothing about strategies and tactics if this is the way you think
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>>1449191
One day in 1916, Physicist Niels Bohr and his then-assistant Hans Kramers took a break from work and went on a small hike along the Danish shore. On a beach, they found a washed up naval mine, probably from the British blockade.
The smart thing to do would have been to call for a bomb disposal and get the hell out of there. Instead, two of the leading minds of their time opted to stand about 30 meters off and throw rocks at the bomb, only leaving when nothing happened.
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>>1451298
>that one faggot who added like 50 (dubious-discuss)
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>>1451663
>Peter's visits to the West impressed upon him the notion that European customs were in several respects superior to Russian traditions. He commanded all of his courtiers and officials to cut off their long beard. Boyars who sought to retain their beards were required to pay an annual beard tax of one hundred rubles
this isn't an anecdote. It's an actual law that was part of his attempts in westernizing Russia. Another part of the same law forbid the wear of long sleeved shirts traditional in pre-18th century Russia
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>>1451298
>The book contained 8,847 words and 33,864 letters, but no punctuation and its capitalization seemed random.
>In the second edition, Dexter added an extra page which consisted of 13 lines of punctuation marks with the instructions that readers could distribute them as they pleased.
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>>1451939
In medieval Europe or some shit a guy fucked a pig and was sentenced to death as decreed by the bible. The people pitied the animal and held a trial to prove she was still virtuous, a poor victim of rape.
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In 75 BCE, Julius Caesar was captured by Cilician pirates, who infested the Mediterranean sea. The Romans had never sent a navy against them, because the pirates offered the Roman senators slaves, which they needed for their plantations in Italy. As a consequence, piracy was common.
In chapter 2 of his Life of Julius Caesar, Greek author Plutarch of Chaeronea (46-c.120) describes what happened when Caesar encountered the pirates. The translation below was made by Robin Seager.
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>>1451663
>Later it was learnt that there had been nothing wrong with the tooth at all; the courtier had been fighting with his wife and wanted to teach her a lesson.
Top tier stuff.
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>>1452495
[2.1] First, when the pirates demanded a ransom of twenty talents, Caesar burst out laughing. They did not know, he said, who it was that they had captured, and he volunteered to pay fifty.
[2.2] Then, when he had sent his followers to the various cities in order to raise the money and was left with one friend and two servants among these Cilicians, about the most bloodthirsty people in the world, he treated them so highhandedly that, whenever he wanted to sleep, he would send to them and tell them to stop talking.
[2.3] For thirty-eight days, with the greatest unconcern, he joined in all their games and exercises, just as if he was their leader instead of their prisoner.
[2.4] He also wrote poems and speeches which he read aloud to them, and if they failed to admire his work, he would call them to their faces illiterate savages, and would often laughingly threaten to have them all hanged. They were much taken with this and attributed his freedom of speech to a kind of simplicity in his character or boyish playfulness.
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>>1452498
[2.5] However, the ransom arrived from Miletus and, as soon as he had paid it and been set free, he immediately manned some ships and set sail from the harbor of Miletus against the pirates. He found them still there, lying at anchor off the island, and he captured nearly all of them.
[2.6] He took their property as spoils of war and put the men themselves into the prison at Pergamon. He then went in person to [Marcus] Junius, the governorof Asia, thinking it proper that he, as praetor in charge of the province, should see to the punishment of the prisoners.
[2.7] Junius, however, cast longing eyes at the money, which came to a considerable sum, and kept saying that he needed time to look into the case.Caesar paid no further attention to him. He went to Pergamon, took the pirates out of prison and crucified the lot of them, just as he had often told them he would do when he was on the island and they imagined that he was joking.
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The Lord of The Rings got so popular with the peace and love movement, that 100's of hippies camped outside of Tolkien's house
Being rather conservative and old-school, he did not find this amysing
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On December 17th, 1967, Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt was down from Melbourne to Port Phillip to see lone British Yachstman Alec Rose sail through Port Phillip Heads with his alleged lover and some of her family. While near Portsea, the group travelled to a beach that Holt had swum at many times called Cheviot Beach. Though the surf was quite fierce the Prime Minister was an experienced swimmer and went into the waves.
He soon disappeared from sight.
Despite a massive search operation featuring police, naval divers, helicopters and army personnel, no trace of him was ever found. Several rumours emerged about the incident, including one that the Prime Minister had been a Chinese spy and his disappearance was actually him faking his death and getting picked up by a waiting submarine.
The Australian people commemorated him by later erecting the Harold Holt Memorial Swimming Pool in his honour.
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>>1452529
Quite interesting
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>>1451298
>In one notable episode, Dexter faked his own death to see how people would react. About 3,000 people attended Dexter's mock wake. Dexter did not see his wife cry, and after he revealed the hoax, he caned her for not grieving enough.[6]
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>>1452444
>Instead, two of the leading minds of their time opted to stand about 30 meters off and throw rocks at the bomb, only leaving when nothing happened.
Why? Did they think something other than a deadly explosion would happen and needed to test their hypothesis?
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>The last Sui emperor, Sui Yangdi (A.D. 581-618), took the throne after murdering his father and older brother. He had a queen, two deputy queens, 6 royal consorts, 72 madames and 3,000 palace maidens but even that wasn't enough to satisfy him sexually. He had a particular thing for teenage virgins and reportedly used a "virgin wheelchair" to capture them. According to a palace historian after the girl was seated "clamps would automatically spring up to hold her arms and spread her legs apart, while the mechanized cushion would place her body in the right position to receive the royal favor."
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>In one of the principal squares of french-ruled Coblentz, the Prefect had erected a monument recording the occupation of Moscow and bearing the following inscription: "To the great Napoleon, in honour of the immortal campaign of 1812."
>When the Russians reached that city, they left the monument intact, but added beneath the inscription: "Seen and approved by the Russian commander of Coblentz - 1813"
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>>1452544
Clearly they had their own theories about what would and what would not cause a naval mine to explode. And were proven right of course.
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>>1452547
Based
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>>1452547
That's the machine that Quagmire has in his house.
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>[Adam] Smith was described by several of his contemporaries and biographers as comically absent-minded, with peculiar habits of speech and gait, and a smile of "inexpressible benignity".He was known to talk to himself,a habit that began during his childhood when he would smile in rapt conversation with invisible companions. He also had occasional spells of imaginary illness, and he is reported to have had books and papers placed in tall stacks in his study. According to one story, Smith took Charles Townshend on a tour of a tanningfactory, and while discussingfree trade, Smith walked into a huge tanning pitfrom which he needed help to escape.He is also said to have put bread and butter into a teapot, drunk the concoction, and declared it to be the worst cup of tea he ever had. According to another account, Smith distractedly went out walking in his nightgown and ended up 15 miles (24km) outside of town, before nearby church bells brought him back to reality·
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>>1453290
Gives a whole new meaning to "invisible hand."
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>>1453290
>He is also said to have put bread and butter into a teapot, drunk the concoction, and declared it to be the worst cup of tea he ever had.
How do you drink something that's not liquid?
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>>1451663
>was a keen amateur doctor and dentist
>amateur dentist
Off to a good start.
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>>1452444
>Huhuhuhuhu..hey, Kramer. Let's throw rocks at that thing.
>Ehehehehehe. It might explode. That would be cool.
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>>1453290
>declared it to be the worst cup of tea he ever had
lel
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>>1454240
Butter melts, bread breaks up into tiny spongy chunks.
Ancient Egyptian bear included chunks of bread and was drunk through a thick straw.
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>>1451690
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>>1450988
Newton also thought he could turn lead into gold and drank mercury.
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>>1451298
>he started telling visitors that his wife had died (despite the fact that she was still alive) and that the woman who frequented the building was simply her ghost
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>>1452529
no pls
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>>1451690
I suspect this was just Banter on behalf of the English.
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>>1452207
3-5 times seems like a good rule of thumb.
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>>1452544
I think they wanted to see shit explode.
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>>1452529
why you do this
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>>1452529
fuck you guy
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Emperor Heraclius once gathered his court in a palace and demanded that they convert to Islam, when they all refused and tried to escape he was all "I was testing you, it was just a prank, pham!"
Sultan Mehmet was able to bring down the Theodosian Walls with massive cannon built for him by a German engineer. But that engineer only went to the Sultan after first offering his services to Constantine XI, who refused because he didn't have enough money to fund the project.
For his coronation banquet, Pope Clement VI invited 3000 people who consumed 1023 sheep, 118 heads of cattle, 101 calfs, 914 goats, 60 pigs, 10.471 chickens, 1440 geese, 300 pikes, 46.856 cheeses, 50.000 tarts, and 200 barrels of wine.
And speaking of exaggerated eating:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarrare
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>>1452529
>>
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>>1452529
very funny
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>"A bald man insulted Diogenes the Cynic and Diogenes replied, 'Far be it from me to make insults! But I do want to compliment your hair for having abandoned such a worthless head.'"
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>>1454650
On the topic of drinking:
>For a farewell party in 1787, George Washington and 54 guests drank:
>54 bottles of Madeira
>60 bottles of claret
>22 bottles of porter
>12 bottles of beer
>8 bottles of hard cider
>8 bottles of whiskey
>7 large bowls of alcoholic punch
I think somebody worked out the amount of actual alcohol per person as basically being a 750ml bottle of pure ethanol for each guest.
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>>1452444
>you see hans
>if you throw mine to rocks
>it will be safe
>because is if explodes or not it will not be useful anymore,so no harm
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>>1454692
Transportation across Europe was actually surprisingly good by then.
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>>1452529
really makes u think
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Nothing on Lord Byron?
>Byron also kept a tame bear while he was a student at Trinity, out of resentment for rules forbidding pet dogs like his beloved Boatswain. There being no mention of bears in their statutes, the college authorities had no legal basis for complaining: Byron even suggested that he would apply for a college fellowship for the bear.
>Later on in life, Byron's tendencies for playing zoo keeper switched to tendencies for playing war admiral. He constructed two small stone forts on the edge of his lake and launched a fleet of toy ships, which he would spend whole days directing while crouched in his fort. At Byron's insistence his servant, Joe Murray, would lie prone on a small boat in the lake and "command the ships" which we're guessing consisted of pushing them around and making cannon noises with his mouth.
>Records concerning how much Joe Murray was paid to put up with this sort of shit are unavailable.
Not to mention all his relationships with women in general.
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>>1454868
Honestly playing model warships sounds like a fun job.
Imagine the bitchng parties when all the off-duty servants got together.
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>>1451298
Move over Frederick the Great, I have a new hero now.
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>>1451048
> He was one of the MPs
> Implying there was several
Jesus christ.
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>>1452544
You have clearly never met a physicist
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>>1452529
Shocking! Really activates the neurons that send information to and from portions of the brain, enabling me to engage in a more introspective and sentient manner upon the subject in question.
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>>1452529
Jokes on you, immunity cat has been protecting me since 2013
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>>1452529
>>
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>>1452529
Reply
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>>1452529
hmm really makes you think
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>>1452529
HAHAHHAHA
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>>1452547
wew
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>>1451298
absolute
fucking
mad man
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>>1452529
fuck you Frenchie
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>>1452529
urk
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>>1451298
i started reading through his book; this guy is tight. thanks, anon
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>>1451905
Remember the Kamchatka
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>>1452529
The madman
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>>1452444
This isn't true.
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>>1452529
ok
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Constrained by family responsibilities, Du Châtelet worked thoroughly but intermittently - until she discovered that she was pregnant. Although Voltaire was not the father, he valiantly helped her deceive her husband into thinking that the baby was legitimate. Aged 43, an elderly woman by contemporary standards, Du Châtelet was plagued by gloomy premonitions. Stepping up her heavy schedule, she worked long hours to finish the translation of Newtons book only days before the baby's birth and her own death.
Latter,guests described Voltaire who wandered through their Parisian flat,plaintively calling her name in the dark.
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>>1451663
>>When Peter the Great found his wife had a lover he had the man beheaded, then forced her to keep her lover’s head in a jar of alcohol in her bedroom which stood in Catherine’s bedroom till Peter’s death.
so based
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>>1451468
Dumb fucking pleb
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>>1455506
roastie dying like she deserves.
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>>1451588
Andrew Jackson had a bunch
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>>1452529
>>1452531
Just to be safe, you do know that it was just his Chinese masters picking him up so they let Hawke destroy the Aussie economy,
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>>1452493
In 1750, a female donkey was acquitted of charges of bestiality due to witnesses to the animal's virtue and good behaviour while her human co-accused were sentenced to death
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>>1454753
>not even 2 bottles of vodka per person
pfft
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>>1452503
jesus christ
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>>1451298
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Dexter
"I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western World".
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>>1451298
I've known about Dexter for a long time and he is fucking great.
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>>1451468
Burning down your house to drive burglars out isn't exactly a great plan man
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>>1456666
I would burn the kitchen or whatever to drive them out if I was a yuropoor without weapons and they were armed with assault rifles.
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>>1452529
Pls no
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>>1451315
>>1451319
>>1451330
>>1451347
Jesus
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>>1449191
Nero'a War on Uranus (correct me if he is not the Roman equivalent of Poseidon)
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>>1455278
He is like a fucking ork from wh40k. Absolute savage.
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>>1452523
>old toby
>le nature is good industry is evil meme
what did he expect
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04
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>>1452547
no wonder they all look the same
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>>1457771
>ork from wh40k
That would explain why all his shitty business schemes conveniently turned out well. If you believe hard enough that something works, then it works.
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>>1457721
That would be Neptune. Uranus is the greek sky father (NOT Zeus, who is just the thunder god), the roman version is Caelus.
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>>1457805
He sent mittens to the fucking carribean what the FUCK
>>
In 1944, during WWII, a reception took place in Rio de Janeiro and the Hungarian ambassador was among the invitees. The Ambassador, wearing the ceremonial uniform, entered the room and performed a Nazi salute. The host of the reception, an influential banker, took notice of the ambassador and approached him.
“Your Excellency, you greeted with Heil Hitler. I suppose that people of your country belong to the Nordic race?”
The Ambassador replied, “No, we are of the Mongolian origin.”
The Banker was curious and continued. “I see, so your country must be situated in Asia?”
“No, Hungary is part of Central Europe.”
“I know that there is a war going on in Central Europe. Is Hungary involved in that?”
“Yes, indeed. We are fighting against the Soviet Union”
“And do you have any territorial claims against the Soviet Union?”
“No, we don't have any territorial claims against the Soviets. However, we do have them against Romania and Slovakia.”
“So, Romania and Slovakia must be your enemies then?”
“No, they are our allies.”
>>
>>1457887
The banker got slightly confused by Ambassador's answers, but he eventually spotted a royal badge on his uniform and went on asking, “I reckon that Hungary is a kingdom. How is your King doing?”
“We do not have a King. We are ruled by an Admiral.”
“An Admiral? Hungary must have an access to the sea then.”
“No. We are a landlocked state.”
The banker got puzzled even more. “Anyway, how is your Admiral?”
“He has been captured by the Germans.”
“They are also your enemies?”
“No, the Germans are our greatest allies and friends.”
The banker was completely lost. “Damn! I really don't get it. You are living in the landlocked kingdom in the heart of Europe, which is ruled by an Admiral, who was captured by his greatest friends. You are fighting a country, which you don't want a single acre of land from. On the other hand, you have territorial claims against your allies. What a bizarre situation is that!”
“Sir, that's a new European order.”
>>
>>1453290
>Smith distractedly went out walking in his nightgown and ended up 15 miles (24km) outside of town,
That's like 5-6 hour walk. That's impressive.
>>
One night he’d invited the staff from his underground bunker to watch a film with him, and they were waiting in the bunker, tired after a long shift. All of a sudden, the door burst open and there he was in his pyjamas and dressing gown, whisky in one hand and a cigar in the other, shouting: “Winnie’s here! Let it roll!”
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Muh boy Gallienus.
One time a shady merchant sold fake jewels to Gallienus' wife. When Gallienus heard about it he was rightfully angry so he had the merchant arrested and sentenced him to have to fight a lion in the Colosseum. So Gallienus, his wife, tons of Romans, they're all in the Colosseum. The merchant is frightened and losing his shit because, well, he's going to have to fight a lion. The door opens and the beast walks out...
And it's a chicken. A chicken just walking around and doing chicken things. The crowd thought this was the funniest thing they'd ever seen and Gallienus declared "he practiced decied and has had it practiced it on him" before letting the merchant go home, figuring that public humiliation in front of the Roman population was a much better punishment than execution.
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>>1457890
I don't get it.
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>>1458152
>One time a shady merchant sold fake jewels to Gallienus' wife. When Gallienus heard about it he was rightfully angry so he had the merchant arrested and sentenced him to have to fight a lion in the Colosseum. So Gallienus, his wife, tons of Romans, they're all in the Colosseum. The merchant is frightened and losing his shit because, well, he's going to have to fight a lion. The door opens and the beast walks out...
god there is nothing more beta than Gallienus
>>
Read one in some history textbook some time ago that a Spaniard lined up a bunch of native americans and struck one in the head with a tomahawk. The native then took it out and handed it back to him.
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>>1458667
A weak man kills for petty reasons
An Alpha shows his strength by humiliation rather than force. He doesn't need to prove he is better than you, he knows it.
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>>1458766
>An Alpha shows his strength by humiliation rather than force. He doesn't need to prove he is better than you, he knows it
If he didnt need to prove it he wouldnt humiliate you. What do you think the purpose of humiliation is?
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>>1453290
Sauce?
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>>1449191
Based Machiavelli
http://faculty.cua.edu/pennington/churchhistory220/Lecture13/MachiavelliLuigi.html
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>>1458070
I love the one where FDR stumbles onto him in the nude and he says something along the lines of "I have nothing to hide from the president of the United States!"
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>>1458667
Best not be talking shit about muh nigga.
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>Triboulet once came to the Monarch with a complaint. "A noble has threatened to hang me!" "Don't worry! If he hangs you I'll have him beheaded fifteen minutes later." "Well, would it be possible to behead him 15 minutes before?"
>Once, Triboulet could not contain himself and slapped the monarch on the bum. The monarch lost his temper and threatened to execute Triboulet. A little later, the monarch calmed down a little and promised to forgive Triboulet if he could think of an apology more insulting than the offending deed. A few seconds later, Triboulet responded: "I'm so sorry, your majesty, that I didn't recognize you! I mistook you for the Queen!"
>Having broken an order from Francis I forbidding Triboulet from making jokes on the queen and courtesans, the king ordered that he should be put to death. Having served particularly well the king for many years, Francis I granted Triboulet the right to choose the way he would die. Triboulet, with his sharp mind, said the following: "Bon sire, par sainte Nitouche et saint Pansard, patrons de la folie, je demande à mourir de vieillesse." which translates to: "Sir, I implore Saint Nitouche and Saint Pansard, patrons of insanity, to make me die from old age." Having no other choice than to laugh, the king ordered that Triboulet must not be executed, but rather instead be banished from the realm.
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Alright, so, you might have heard that the Aztecs thought Cortes and his men were gods.
Only one primary source touches on it, being Bernal Diaz del Castillo; cortez himself never did, so it's probably bullshit, but even if not, this isn't necessarily true. If his account is true, then all we know is that the Spainish thought the Aztecs thought they were gods, but all we know is that the Aztecs called the spainish "Teotl", which is a very complicated term with a lot of potential meanings. It's possible thy were calling them gods, it could have just meant they were calling them supernatural or otherworldly, etc.
In any case, the spainish and cortes as a result (allegedly,) goes around portraying himself as a diety to try to scare everybody into submission. So, (and this is where it gets into interesting antecedent territory) when Cortes meets the Aztec Emperor/King of Tenochtitlan (Montezuma 2), montezuma more or less just tells cortez off, saying
"Yeah, well, my people call me a god too, but i'm not, and i'm sure you have as much faith in me being a god as I do in the accounts of you being able to control the weather"
In cortes's account, a similar event does happen, where he tries to convince the atzecs that their firearms are magic and their horses are demons, and once again, montezuma more or less just tells him to GTFO with that bullshit
>>
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>>1458766
I'm sure his wife cucked him with the same merchant.
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>>1456666
If the burglars have political ambitions and need your stuff to stay alive in the short term it is.
>>
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>>1458878
Overconfident retard still.
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>>1451915
Fabian tried to defend the capital at least; he was less Fabian, more Pyrrhus.
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>>1454650
Nice bullshit story there Mohammed
Heraclius most likely thought that Islam was a Jewish heresy
He wasn't wrong btw
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>>1459234
but Pyrrhus was a great general
just ask Hannibal
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>>1451690
>britbongs not even aware of what a human being is, despite being one
Typical
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>>1459352
*arian heresy
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>>1454650
>tarrare
This shit still gives me nightmare. truly horrendous in everyways.
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>>1458857
That picture deserves a smug edit given the content honestly.
>devilish
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>>1449191
The Defenestration of Prague.
It´s simply amusing how the Thirty Years´War started.
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>>1460692
It already looks smug, you don't need to attach shitty cancerous memes to it.
>>
>>
>>1459352
>was a Jewish heresy
>*arian heresy
Every Abrahamic religion (including modern-day Judaism) is a Jewish heresy.
>>
>>1452547
he looks smug as fuck
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>>1457887
>>1457890
>>
>>1451690
The Hartlepool footie team is called the Monkey Hangers and their mascot is a monkey.
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>>1457798
underrated
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>>1456701
But in the process you lose your kitchen while your neighbors keep theirs.
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>>1460819
i don't get it
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>>1451663
>He was even known to have a naked dwarf jump out of a giant pie for his amusement
Top tier
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>>1452503
>Caesar's face when
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>>1459530
A very strange read
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>>1460778
If you take that line of reasoning to its logical conclusion all religion is just animist heresy.
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>>1451468
Kutusov didn't burn down Moscow though...
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>>1452207
Well, there was that guy on /tg/ who got his dick stuck inside his cat and had to move out of the state because he couldn't live it down.
>>
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>On 6 July 1966, the Administrative Tribunal of Rennes summarized the French government claims that lobsters are like fish, that is, that they swim about in the open sea and therefore, could not be considered part of the continental shelf.
>Brazil claimed that lobsters are like oysters that they cling to the bottom of the ocean and therefore, were part of the continental shelf.[14] Admiral Paulo Moreira da Silva, Brazil's Navy expert in the field of oceanography who had been sent to assist the diplomatic committee during the general discussions, argued that for Brazil to accept the French scientific thesis that a lobster would be considered a fish when it "leaps" on the seafloor, then they would have in the same manner to accept the Brazilian premise that when a kangaroo "hops" it would be considered a bird.
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>>1465961
You can't just mention something like this without providing a link
>>
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bj%C3%B6rn_Ironside
>In 860, Björn led a large Viking raid into the Mediterranean. After raiding down the Iberian coast and fighting their way through Gibraltar, Björn and Hastein pillaged the south of France, where his fleet over-wintered, before landing in Italy where they captured the coastal city of Pisa.
>They proceeded inland to the town of Luni, which they believed to be Rome at the time, but were unable to breach the town walls. To gain entry a tricky plan was devised: Hastein sent messengers to the bishop to say that, being deathly ill, he had a deathbed conversion and wished to receive christian sacraments and/or to be buried on consecrated ground within their church. He was brought into the chapel with a small honor guard, then surprised the dismayed clerics by leaping from his stretcher. The viking party then hacked its way to the town gates, which were promptly opened letting the rest of the army in.
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>>1461139
Cartoon made by a redditor who was extremely confused about America and Hungary's role in WWII.
>>
>In 1660, Thomas Urquhart, the Scottish aristocrat, polymath and first translator of François Rabelais's writings into English, is said to have died laughing upon hearing that Charles II had taken the throne
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>>1465984
There used to be laws on the east coast prohibiting prisons from making the inmates eat lobster more than twice a week, because at the time lobster was considered to be seagoing trash bugs, fit only for hog food/fertilizer, slaves/servants and the poor.
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>>1451315
>>1451319
>>1451330
>>
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>>1449191
Are you guys familiar with the Spratlys Islands issue? Well, they're a contested space between Philippines, China, Vietnam, ROC China, Malaysia, and Brunei.
It used to have a Micronation on it Sealand style. Except the implications were x10 worse.
>Be Tomas Cloma
>Eccentric fishing magnate from the Philippines. Called himself admiral and treated his fishing fleet like a navy.
>1956, Cloma with 40 men with pistols "claimed" the contested Spratlys Island and established a "capital city" on the biggest island.
>Declared the new country "Free State of Freedomland."
>Issued currency, stamps, the fishing fleet was turned into a navy (sans the lack of weapons) and the sailors, marines (despite all they had were colt pistols and one rifle).
>Flag bears a seagull due to Freedomland's national pride: Guano deposits.
>Freedomland triggered a diplomatic crisis in South China Sea. PRC Chinese, ROC Chinese, South Vietnamese, and Philippine navies rush to reinstate their claims and push Cloma and his miniscule republic back (peacefully.).
>Cloma and his fellow founding fathers got cornered in the biggest Philippine held Island, their capital.
>1972: Philippine Dictator Marcos, in a bid to get the island, arrests Cloma on grounds of impersonating an officer of the Philippine Navy.
>Cloma surrenders based on one condition: The Dictator has to pay him one peso.
>He gets paid.
He tried to run for president of the Philippines in the 70's and 80's based on the platform that he'll build giant transparent domes on major Philippine cities to shield them from seasonal Typhoons.
Tomas Cloma died in 1996. His headstone is a prow of a fishing ship.
The Filipino residents of what used to be Cloma's claim remember him fondly. They still jokingly refer to the place as "Cloma's Claim." And the largest Philippine held island in the Spratlys has a bust of him that greets people at the airstrip.
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>>1458878
That drawing with the poses remind me of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.
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>>1451353
Yes.
What's better, the Daily Mail then sponsored him to go out to Iraq to try and find more fragments.
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>>1457721
I thought that was Caligula?
>>
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Emperor Norton the best piece of Americana to come out of Cali
>>
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_of_Cupertino
Protestantfags btfo
:^)
>>
>>1467141
>He has been declared the patron saint of air travelers, aviators, astronauts, people with a mental handicap, test takers and poor students.
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>>1451468
GLORIFIED CHEERLEADER
>>
>>1452451
But its cold as shit in Russia how did his attempt to ban long sleeved shirts go......
>>
>>1453290
was Smith a schizo?
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>>1452503
The absolute madman.......
>>
>>1466221
Just a prank
>>
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>>1466221
Preposterous
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