landed lead engineer job with basic coding skills

>>>/adv/

The Dunning Kreuger effect is a hell of a drug.

Yer fukt

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>>61472130

OP here

I think at this point I deserved the job since they hired me from bullshitry alone which should give me some point, I didnt even have any previous CS or engineering experience just few internships doing data entry.

I was surprised to get it.

Should I ride it out until I get fired or start looking for a better job?

>>61472120
>>61472153
A three-month project that the team says will take just one month is probably easy. Tell us the project and someone will suggest learning material for you.

>>61472120
Oh man you are in for a ride.
The ony adv I can give you is do team sessions where the team gives suggestions oh how things should be done and just go with it.

tell your team to install gentoo and delete system32

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>>61472169

Don't know some visual recognition shit using IBM Watson or some shit.

>>61472171

Yeah. Im already doing that. I get them in for 'catchup sessions' and feedback all of their ideas to the project manager which should hopefully last me another few months.

>>61472120
>managed to land lead engineer role with big company through pure bullshit artistry and lies alone

Are companies with engineering departments really that fucking stupid that they can't detect bullshit? When I was applying for a junior Python developer position at my company I was overloaded with technical questions that are pretty impossible to lie your way out.

>>61472203
The very first thing you should is to find out exactly what you are supposed to do. Saying "some shit" does not help your case, if you are really trying to get advice.

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>>61472263

Yes. The HR department at the company I'm in right now couldn't tell Windows apart from OSX.

They needed a lead engineer so I applied, literary the only people at the interviews were 2 HR people and some IT infrastructure guy who seemed not to give a shit and could of probably called me out on my BS, but I said I'm more of a software than a hardware guy so I guess I lucked out.

>>61472266

They're trying to integrate the IBM Watson modules, ie the visual recognition for our local intranet search engine for the sales and marketing department... they load in a pickle and they get pickle related image suggestions for example.

I dont even know how to use IBM watson or even how to fork, the team is already doing some work but I have no clue what to do and they're all getting confused and suspicious because the project isnt getting very far.

>>61472350
isn't Watson a medical AI?

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>>61472368

Have no fucking clue thats why Im here. Wikipedia isnt helpful either.

>>61472350

IBM Watson has a cloud-based API that your company is probably looking to utilize for this. So you need to learn about that, REAL fucking quick.

>>61472120
Secretely subcontract someone that can do the job and give him half of what you earn

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>>61472389

Where do I look? thnx

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>>61472402

Fuck, thats a good idea actually. Any idea of where to look?

Jesus I've been trying to land even an entry level QA testing or help desk job the past 6 months after graduating and have done 6 interviews and still haven't been hired. How the fuck did you lie your way into a job like that? Should I start lying in interviews and make up some internships on my resume? I don't want anything like your position but just something basic and to get my foot in the door even entry level positions all require 2 plus years in multiple fields.

>>61472350
>IBM Watson

hahaha that shit's a joke. good luck anon, you're doing fake AI now.

>>61472403
google it yourself you lazy shit

maybe you accidentally learn something and can keep the job after the successful project

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>>61472416

Oh yeah. My CV is 100% pure bullshit except for few things. I guess if I get fired this will be a great addition and get me hired even if for a shittier position.

I just put up a few big companies I worked for and said I was good at managing a team and took credit for few big projects at companies like Twitter and Periscope.

Get your friends to give references too. If they are a big company they won't check too much into it and if you have an incompetent HR department like I do they won't even know what a Lead Data Scientist at Oracle does or what bullshit your friends say when they're reading the Wikipedia descriptions.

>>61472416
Stop being autistic, overconfident professional bullshitters always land the best jobs

>>61472424

Why is it a joke? The team here are taking it rly seriously like its Jesus.

>>61472453
You, I like you.

>>61472389
>>61472350
this, watson is ai as a service
as lead engineer you need to manage team

do you guise do agile ?
if so learn how it works, define sprint objectives, assign tasks, evaluate task complexity etc

regarding toolings like git repos, don't make stuff up and use company infrastructure
they should have bugtracking, git repo, documentation, testing and project management tools and infrastructure
if they don't hve this then set your own shit up

most important thing you have to remember is to track who does which task using project management tools so you know who to blame later when shit hits the fan

post more deails if you need more help

>>61472455
Dude I'm not autistic in the slightest compared to your average IT graduate but I have 0 experience and always get grilled on technical stuff in interviews they didn't teach me in school.
>>61472453
Might go with this, what do they do as far as checking past work places? I have friends that would pretend they were my manager and shit, I'm just wondering how you got past the technical interviews? Every interview I go for they're always like "so have you ever set up a work station or taken apart a PC?" , "write me an algorithm that will do xyz..... etc" I don't even bother applying for programming jobs anymore because I just get btfo. Even QA positions ask if I have done certain kinds of testing and what not should I just start lying?

>>61472483

It works, what can I say.

The key is making them feel like they're the stupid ones for even asking you questions, like its an insult to you.

Fuck the IT guy though that was at the interview, he kept asking me server related questions and other hardware BS and I just kept condescendingly saying that I'm not a hardware guy and I don't waste time with this sort of nonsense as I like to focus on the software aspects and complete the project on schedule.

haven't kek'd this hard on /g/ for a while
OP better start tripfagging and keep us updated over the following months

>>61472474
IBM is not good at AI. i guess in this case it might not be bad. they're essentially doing this: https://github.com/czxxjtu/Hash-Learning.github.io#imagenet

it would take a lot of data to do this on your own and there's no other public apis for hash learning. but don't expect the kind of accuracy that google can get.

>>61472536
Bullshitting does work. Fluffed to my resume with pure BS and I got double my pay. You don't even have to make new references, just act like you were CEO at Google when really you are just the janitor.

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>>61472502

Do you think this email will keep them off my backs for awhile while I can see where I can get someone to outsource this to or learn the IBM shit?

>>61472533

Lie. Be confident. Act like their questions are insults and they are idiots for not even knowing.

Confidence is key.

>>61472672
I like you anon Godspeed if Mr.Noseburg was too stupid to ask technical questions in an interview you deserve to get as many shekels out of them as you can.

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>>61472637

Yeah this. As long as you're confident and a bit of an asshole when they ask you questions, you should be alright. Also make sure your friends give good on the point references.

>>61472579

I see. What exactly is hash learning?

>>61472383
Watson is a high tier AI using symptoms and neural networks to provide medical diagnosis

I guess that your team is implementing a facial add-on to provide symptoms without people knowing it
I mean someone ill scan its face and the program use it to provide info

if that's this kind of add-on, you'll need lot of work
-facial cognitive recognition based on medical stuff (heat, colors, eyes, sweet, etc...)
-interaction with Watson (the way of providing a detailed image with medical info and transmitting into a knowledgeable info for Watson)

I'll say one month of study, and two month of work (one on image treatment, one for Watson implementation). If your team say it'll take one month, they're either without any clue in medicine, either very competent.

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>>61472726

We're not in the medical field. We do e-commerce similar to Amazon.

So not sure why they are making us use IBM's Watson for this?

>>61472672
Now we all know where you work.

>>61472672
just ask them what project management tools they usually use, wht version control system
maybe you should ask this to your companys infrastructure guys tho, idk

spend 10 mins to look up how to do agile, it usually involves short meetings where people decide what they'll do for a week, you don't do this over email

>>61472720
>I see. What exactly is hash learning?
I'm gonna assume you know what a neural network is and what it does, at least at a basic understanding. Same with hashing.

Hash learning means that you use a neural network to create a hash (or some other ML technique, not necessarily a neural net). The neural network will learn about the data you use to train it, and this will influence the resulting hash, which you can call a "learned hash". The learned hash now has some sort of encoding about the content from which it was generated, rather than being completely random like traditional hashing. You can now compare the hashes of two different inputs (ie two different images) and if they have similar hashes, they should contain similar content.

>>61472746
Watson is not a medical product. It's a general purpose neural network system that can be used for any purpose. Medicine is just an application that's embarrassingly susceptible to this kind of technology.

>>61472672
hahaha oh wow

>>61472746
they probably want to use this
https://www.ibm.com/watson/developercloud/visual-recognition.html#how-it-works-block

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>>61472120
Have a one on one with the team member who has the most seniority at the company. Ask him what works well and what has failed in the past. Get him to describe the meeting/check in frequency that is best for the given team. Come to him as an equal but humble. In the meantime read all the official documentation you can both internally and about the tech you're looking to use for the current project. Don't be afraid to ask your boss for guidance on management skills and philosophy. You can do this OP, no one was born a senior engineer.

>>61472752

Jesus, no. Its just a prank thread. Please dont take the bait.

>>61472746
ok
Watson is now restrained to medicine but I guess ibm is sharing it for other kinds of projects

Watson is a language based AI, a very powerful one
so kinda weird to mix facial recognition, Watson and e-commerce
maybe a way to buy something from webcam only? with vocal commands, and face as proof?

>>61472860
Nice try, OP

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>>61472787

Ok so now they are asking me to define sprint objectives. How best to approach this situation?

>>61472805
No idea what a neural network is, I guess I'll wikipedia it.

>>61472833
Yeah this is it. How the fuck do I learn it or look like I know it better.

>>61472857
There is no boss, only the project manager who assigns the project to us and makes us do it. Technically I'm the boss and have to respond to the project manager who has nothing to do with tech only forwards and compiles the requests from other teams to the tech team.

>>61472752
Fk cant delete the post now w/e probably gonna get fired in 2 days anyway.

I'm feeling gracious. After you've tackled the very basic concepts of git - local/remote repos, staging, committing, pushing/pulling, conflicts, you can do this helpful interactive tutorial about branching, it helped me lots:

http://learngitbranching.js.org/

>>61472120
Kekaroonie my dude

Lead Engineer doesn't do shit, you'll be doing PM shit and dealing with management.

The best part is that even when the other devs realise you're full of shit, it doesn't matter so long as your superiors like you, they don't care about codemonkey opinions.

Then, even better, after like a year you go somewhere else for more money and a managerial role, meaning you won't have to write ANY code at all, you just tell the codemonkeys what to do and get paid for the privilege.

Seriously man, you've memed yourself into a very good position, and I've seen people with even less qualifications rise high purely by playing the politics game, nothing to do with their programming ability whatsoever

>>61472533
If you get BTFO at such basic things, then you should also look to improve yourself, besides lying, of course. You made a mistake assuming you will be taught what is asked in an interview.

>>61472171
Oh, this actually

Engineers loooove it when you listen to their ideas, it makes then feel smart. There's nothing they hate more than you listening and making a decision that contradicts them, so just go with what they say and they'll love you

>>61472414
Upwork my dude

Plenty of pajeets who do half decent work there

>>61472961
what a fag opinion

>>61472536
Bullshit. A normie who learned about C in CS would know the answers to those questions.

>>61472921
>Ok so now they are asking me to define sprint objectives. How best to approach this situation?

dood read up on agile development
you don't want to program the whole program at once, you usually start by making the shittiest working system then add features as you go on
this is done over iterations of 1-2 weeks called sprints
so you need to have a rough idea of how to go about the project, what a minimal version of the project wuld look like and then what features to add next until you get the whole thing
you need to ranslate whatever management asked you to do into user stories describing how user interacts with your project, then translate said stories into features you'll implement over some period of time

defining these tasks, how much will get done over a sprint, by whom should probably be decided with other team members
probably should do this in an actual meeting tho, not over email

but then again i'm simply a neet college dropout so what do i know, you're the lead enginneer

>>61472995
So what, you've never come across those heads of engineering teams that don't appear to actually do anything?

They get found out straight away by the junior devs, but they can't do anything if the boss likes them.

I've known several of them. They can actually program, but they make their living through pure bullshit artistry, basically selling themselves and why they're so necessary

>>61473027
company probably has a usual way to go about stuff, like how they host code, how they keep track of tasks, how they report project advancement or whatever so yuo probably should find that out
if thy don't it probably means you have to set your own shit up which involves more work for you

>>61473036
why would they program when their team is here?
their purpose is to put a project on schedule and provide supervision of the work

>tow you'll never fuck your boss and get a promotion

>>61473085
>their purpose is to put a project on schedule and provide supervision of the work

A function which they largely delegate to their team members, which is exactly what we're telling OP to do.

The magic is in finding ways to look like you're doing shit. Occupying a meeting room with big headphones on is key for that.

Nah, this shits an elaborate joke

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>>61472961

This is what I am doing right now. I'm just stealing their ideas and feeding back to the project manager for brownie points to survive, if worst comes to shove I'll throw them all under the bus for insubordination.

>>61473000
I didn't learn C in CS, it was all self taught alongside Visual Basic.

>>61473027
K thnx, will steal this.

>>61473060

The company I'm at is spread all over the place and was acquired by even a bigger company recently so it's a HR nightmare but helps bullshit artists like me though, which is good. If I get fired I'll just use the title and position from this job to land a decent role, even if it's shitter, better than nothing.

>>61473121
I wish

>>61472969
Man I don't sit and take apart PC's in my spare time and I've tried learning programming on my own and it just doesn't hold my interest enough to invest 100 hours into it without getting paid. Whatever happened to on the job training? Every job I see posted requires 2 plus years experience in a bunch of fields they didn't cover in school, how is someone fresh out of college supposed to have that? Mind you these are all entry level positions I'm applying for.

>>61474045
>This is what I am doing right now. I'm just stealing their ideas and feeding back to the project manager for brownie points to survive, if worst comes to shove I'll throw them all under the bus for insubordination.

I think you might just be a natural

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>>61474079

This lol. I graduated with a useless degree, had shitty intern positions, and had a job in a IT company as an admin pleb.

Why not lie and get a good job, and then even if you get fired you can just apply for another job and they'll take you more seriously since the experience you had. And if they asked what happened at the last company just say they downsized and let your friends pretend to be the HR manager.

If I was still about morals I'd be doing stupid admin shit.

>>61474045

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrum_(software_development)

This is what we do with Agile at work. It's a nice framework to develop in. All you need to do is follow the development methodology and probably make a few architectural decisions.

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>>61474087
this, he is the hero /g/ needs
if only we learnt how to harness the power of marketing and bullshit we'd all be having froyos on our own company building's roof instead of in our mums basement

we have shills all over the board for fucks sake, we should learn from them instead of rejecting them

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Ok so I just got an email saying we're reaching our AWS capacity, I googled it and looks like some Amazon hosting shit.. he included one of the guys in the email... should I just wait and let the other guy fix it or should i take lead?

Thank god our company had the idea to allow free desking, so I just found the most secluded area and am playing Tetris. I told them I'm going into a meeting.

Should I just avoid anyone for the rest of the week?

>>61472120
So it's true. The hiring process is completely rigged.

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>>61474181

Great, this actually helped me a lot. I essentially copied/pasted what you just gave me to the Project Manager and he said I'm doing a great job.

I dont think he read it, but whatever, helps me I guess.

>>61474315
You should fix this as you're the lead engineer, talk with the billing department on highering the capacity.

>>61474397

Alright.

>>61474315
This is actually an easy enough job to do, it's just getting in contact with AWS customer service and asking for more capacity.

Helpfully, this kind of thing also shows actual meaningful results, despite just being talking on a phone, so it's a useful one to do

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>got a job to implement a bluetooth mesh network on some newly released chips
>haven't really programmed in over 3 years, and even then my C knowledge was limited
>took me 3 days to set up debugging environment, that's fine
>now have to actually start programming
>i'm just googling already-made examples and trying to adapt them to no avail
>experienced embedded programmerbro asks me how's it going
>f-fine heh
>am completely lost
>asks if i know what that malloc there does
>no clue
>he leaves me to it
>continue googling scanf syntax
Fuck me bros i've never felt so dumb

>just contact /g/ if you don't know how to do your job

risky topkek

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holy shit this thread

>>61474598
ANON STOP LAFFING AT OP

why are these threads so regular

who gives a shit? you're not the first person to ever lie and bluff and get the job

have fun? I mean you're obviously going to get fired once they all realize how incompetent you are, why even waste your time

Started looking for an entry-level software developer job and I suck dick at programming. What hope do I have at landing a job?

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>>61474469

Yeah I just told this to the billing department, they should fix this.

>>61474553
Yeah, thank god for /g/ might actually save my job and career.

>>61474639

Just lie. Who gives a shit.

I said I was responsible for two big projects at Twitter and Periscope and worked for some other companies like Oracle. I made it really vague so even if they could tell it was bullshit they couldn't confirm it 100%

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>>61472474

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>>61474705

I dont get it. Should i forward this to the team and be like "hahaha so funny" to seem like im apart of their shitty inner circle?

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>>61472672
>>61472672
had to be done anon

>>61474698
>I said I was responsible for two big projects at Twitter and Periscope and worked for some other companies like Oracle
What? Do you guys in america not have a document where all of the previous jobs are listed? Like employment history?

>>61474767
Nobody likes a snitch

>>61474767
NO NO NO DONT DO THAT ANON NO NO NO DONT DO IT

>>61474791
Not a bona fide one, no. That would be too invasive for our culture.

>>61474767

good lad, get fucked OP

>>61474802
you know what bitcoins are? send me 5 bitcoins and I wont hit send. you have 5 minutes to confirm you can complete the payment otherwise i will send

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>>61472989

https://www.upwork.com/o/profiles/users/_~01347797c907b61991/

What do you think about this dude? Has experience with IBM bullshit but charges $30/hr which would mean I only get $40 to keep per hr which doesnt seem like worth it, imho like a rip off.

Do indians do good jobs at this?

Should I negotiate?

How do I make it not weird ? Get the indian guy to work on it but then how do i feedback to the team without making it look like someone else is doing my work for me?

>>61474838
maybe instead of handing pajeet the job you could use him as a "consultant"

>>61474824
IM NOT EVEN OP ANON

NON NO NO NO NO NO!

STOP IT RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWWW'

*changes to indian accent*

noT goOD not gOOD not GOOOD

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>>61472672
>y'all

>>61472502
Man agile sucks, stop recommending that bullshit. A good traditional lifecycle model (not a fucking waterfall ofc) is a million times better than agile.

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Don't mind me, just lurking this thread to see OP lose his job.

Keep us updated.

>>61474869
>>61474824

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>>61474767

faggot

try it. ill bring you all down with me.

also you're a snitch and a bitch and outside emails need to be filtered through the firewall first before going to any of our internal emails so suck it.. i guess my initiation to the company came in handy so good luck with them ever seeing it.

Ill always be 4 steps ahead of you anon

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if this isn't a joke I feel really bad for OP
this is what you get for lying

>>61474887
NOT GOOD NOT GOOD

noT GOOD
Not gOOOOOOODD

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>>61472672
You fucked up big time and doxed your self and coworkers. RIP op

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>>61474821
>>61474869
>>61474890
times up

>>61474890
>Implying he didn't send the mail from [email protected] from behind a VPN.
You're dead, kiddo.

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>>61474907

I cant delete the post how do i do it??!?

>>61474861
good idea will do just that just need to justify it enough for the team

>>61474894
lying is what makes america great and the land of opportunity without it you wouldnt have google or microsoft im just following the footsteps to success.

>>61474919
you're a massive faggot and hope you get raped by a pack of wild gorrillas .

also good luck with those emails getting through spam filters, im sure it also blocks 4chan urls.

>>61472120
I hope you're found out and never able to work in this industry again.

Fabricators like you are cancer.

>>61474894
i don't. i hope op crash and burn with his lies. he stole the opportunity from a person that was prepared for it, but probably kill himself already, because he lose the last hope

if you are retarded enough to dox people on your team, or even say where you work, you are not going to make it on this team. go full office space and never show up and wait til the paychecks stop

>>61474973
most probably he can search for them on twitter or some similar shit.
anyways keep us updated also what kind of degree you have ? great thread op.

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>>61474973
Not him but I send emails to my coworkers all the time from my personal gmail. They get through without issue.

>>61474894
And, more importantly, for not lying PROPERLY. Like who the fuck actually doxxes themselves? OP, you were close, but you screwed up and doxxed yourself. I thigh you deserved to screw this company, but you're such a retard that you actually revealed who you were.

OP if you are retarded enough to dox yourself, you don't deserve this job

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>>61474890
just added michael vitale on facebook to make sure he gets my message

>>61474131
I'm about ready to start doing this I've had 6 interviews and filled out 200 applications the past 6 months. What do you do when they start grilling you on technical stuff asking about the internship your lying about though?

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>>61475086
meant this pic

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>>61475086
You're a fucking faggot. Thanks a lot but ill win, it was my mistake and ill own up to it but a huge fuck you though.

its fine ill keep my job and you think i now dont know your real fucking name faggot? ill go punisher on your ass you bitch

>>61474045
While I know what you are doing is the way it works and upper management works same way more or less, I still despite you. I suffered on projects we're poor tech leads taken decisions that made our life's hell.
You don't need to code but be smart and understand what need to be done and allocate resources adequately.
Just don't be a hero and start believing on your bullshit leave tech work to techs

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>>61475155
rip
may the winds of bullshit land you an easy managing position

>>61475155
They likely already suspected you for a fake and would like to replace you with a more competent person. They're gonna use this as an opportunity.

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>>61472120
>Cause a problem you can quickly fix and make you look like a maverick.
>Demand a promotion
Now, if you get the promotion to get you out of this predicament, keep your fucking head down for the next few years. You want to be like milton. Or go for the opposite approach and be a Peter.

>>61475155

>could you explain what the meaning of it?

he's one of us

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>this whole thread

>>61475223
lul

>lie like an idiot
>not even slightly exaggerating your abilities
>flat out claiming abilities way beyond yourself
>taking the job from someone who's worthy and honest
>be retarded enough to dox yourself on 4chan

I sincerely hope you get fired. You're one very, very dumb cunt.

>>61475163
This. So much this. We have tons of these people in our company in highly payed positions. Salary pretty much even scales with incompetence.

Op, if you get out of today alive, just listen to your team and stay in the background. If they ask you to do something defer until someone else does it for you. At least that's what some of my colleagues do, and we simply work around them. Just hold still. If you don't, you'll just fuck things up for everybody else like you did now.

>>61475266

wouldn't you rather him cause irreparable damage to the company and be sued in court and have his future wages garnished for life, becoming a perma wage slave for the rest of his life?

OP is just making stuff up, right? I guess it's entertaining to think about such scenario but nobody would be this stupid and careless irl

>>61475308
>nobody would be this stupid and careless irl
you'd be surprised

>>61475304
>wouldn't you rather him cause irreparable damage to the company

No. Why would I want other people currently employed to be affected by this retarded piece of shit? I don't want the company to be affected, its better they just fire him. Your scenario is unlikely to happen anyway, with the suing. He's not doing anything super critical for them to go after him like that.

>>61475308

if you were talking about HR/the company, I would agree with you

The fault lays with them for not running OP through the ringer and testing his knowledge before agreeing to hire him and pay him.

>>61475304
>>61475333
Had he not doxed himself we could have helped him geting this project through.
Then he could have hired us as consultants.

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>this fucking thread
Jesus Christ /g/, you guys really are retarded

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did this really just happen

or do tales like this happen on /g/ often?

>>61475393
>we could have helped him geting this project through

I see no reason to do this. He is unworthy of the position. We berate pajeets for being incompetent retards in the tech and software industry, anyone who's incompetent deserves no help in a position he shouldn't even be in.

Holy shit.
OP is fucked.

>Doxing yourself
This has to be an elaborate bait how could anyone be this dumb

>>61475407
i'd say 50% prob i'ts real, i see people like this on college frequently so i wouldn't be surprised to see this situations in a workplace

>>61475407

its fake retard, and these threads pop up all the time. how new are you.. ?

Did you save that gif on /pol/ a month ago too?

wew lad be sure to post results guys.

>>61475086
Your a legitimate faggot, I support OP completely for taking advantage of pleb managers who hired you on a whim like retards. I hope you get raped by a pack of niggers

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>>61475429
I'd say we need to stand up for our own but then he can't even into git and doxed himself so iguess he's no /g/entooman after all.
Natural selection in action.

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>>61472120
Havent keked so much in /g/ for a long time.
Ill probably get banned for 72 hours together with all you faggots but this thread best thread.

Should I lie about my degree? I went to school for computer science for 2.5yrs but had to drop out. I made projects for my portfolio and have been applying to entry level jobs but havn't been hearing back at all. I'm fairly confident in my programming skills, I'm just worried they'll check.

>>61475540
this

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most likely this was a disgruntled employee trying to make his boss look bad.

>>61475612
Holy hell man.

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>>61475155
>Marv
OMG, that name tho

>>61475564
Just lie, you have not to lose because you won't get the job having no degree

>>61475155
>guy that's dumb enough to leave email addresses and names in making empty, internet-tough-guy tier threats on an anonymous imageboard
oh god this is too funny

>>61475448
dam dude

>>61472672
This can't be real. This has to be some elaborate bait. No one can be this autistic to actually post this.

>through pure bullshit artistry and lies alone
Why do you fucktards do this?
I'm constantly having to fire you stupid assholes after you waste 3 months of my time because you lie through your teeth in interviews and memorize all the basic pseudocode questions.

>>61475564
I have a basic BA in CS and when I was applying for entry level jobs about 4-5 years ago not once did they ask for proof or request any transcripts from my universities, even to this day I'm heading a small team of software engineers for a medical software group and have had no inquiries whatsoever about it.

>>61472350

isn't that literally using an off the shelf finished product to do what it is designed to do

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>>61475737
because we can. Also we collect experience and unlike OP most of us can pull it off by making HR employee puccis wet

>>61475813
>Also we collect experience
Not any useful experience since you can't work with any of the goddamn projects we have because /you lied about being able to/

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OP hasnt posted in a while

do you think he is fired yet

OP's coworkers probably already knew he was retarded from the first day. I doubt the emails will change anything.

>>61475838
He probably tried to delete the thread only to be told "It's too late for that"
I shot them an email from a throwaway gmail account with an archive.is link as well.

>>61475737
>memorize all the basic pseudocode questions
Have them write a class to actually implement something small. Maybe have them demonstrate how to use things like interfaces, etc.

>>61475922
get rekt, Marv

>>61475911
I've repeatedly tried to get HR to let me set up a basic "quiz" page somewhere on our domain, but they refuse so I'm stuck giving whiteboard problems in the interview itself.

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>>61475831
>implying we wont lie our away into a comfy middle management job with no programming requirements
HR are fucking airheads. We just make shit up to explain changing companys like finding ourselves or some shit and cramming whiteboard questions.

>>61475981
Tell HR they are wasting your companies time and money.

Your not hiring for an HR job where the person can be stupid.

Your hiring for a technical job that requires technical expertise.

Literally all that is required is a web page that you direct a potential hire to once they are deemed a potential candidate.

This web page presents a problem the candidate must solve in a programming language of either yours or their choice.

They submit their solution.

someone with technical experience reviews the solutions and tells you their opinion.

>>61475981
>so I'm stuck giving whiteboard problems in the interview itself
Isn't that enough to filter/detect those who lie in the interview?

>>61475981
If someone were to provide a service hosting and managing a domain for you which implemented this hiring solution would you be interested?

>>61472921

Fucking christ, I learned about Agile Development/SCRUM method in fucking High School coding class and I am not even a fucking programmer. This was like 10 years ago.

You are seriously fucked OP.

>>61475981
Try this.
https://www.interviewzen.com
Pretty neat.

You can just make your questions on it and email the link. It lets you watch what they did.

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>>61476109
>implying OP hasnt drove to the local supermarket, bought Doritos and went home to binge on Steam packs with the last of his salary

Is Marv kill?

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>>61474919
TIMES UP LET'S DO THIS
LEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY

>>61475046
>Like who the fuck actually doxxes themselves?
One of his smarter-subordinates pretending to be him.

>>61472172
in that order

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threads like this only work during the summer

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I want to believe this is real.

>>61476284
maybe

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>>61475258

>best thread

>>61476284
this is what seems likely to me

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>mfw this was actually all a play to get someone fired
OP is a fucking mastemind holy fuck

>>61476284
I noticed in the OP he mentioned 4 guys are under the manager, but I only see 3 emails.

He's probably the fourth guy.

>>61474728
>I dont get it
when your career takes a steepest descent you will

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>>61474919

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>>61475612
>>61475104
>>61475086

OP Here.

Your ill faith attempts to get me fired with your dubious emails just made me got me on a probation. I also get 3 weeks of paid leave to rethink my choice of words when calling HR dumbasses. I had a 45 min discussion with Jason Brenner who's in charge of our NYC branch.

Thanks to the progressives and social justice warriors i get to keep my job, get 3 weeks paid leave and will be TRAINED free of charge to lead the team, of course they will be giving me other subordinates because the ones i had now are have 'animosity' towards me which makes it an unhealthy work environment for all parties involved.

Fucking yogi's man, hahahahahahahaha. I could literary stab Jeff Bazos in the dick right now and get a promotion.

Instead of ruining my career you fuckers actually helped it by allowing them to train me to be a lead engineer.

GOD BLESS THE US OF A!

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>>61476235
this
>>61476284
holy shit OP 4D chess holy shit
HOLY
O
L
Y

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>>61476496
wew lad just dodged a bullet and still provoking the monster. we like to live dangerously dont we?

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>>61476496
>implying you'll get through the training
shiggy diggy OP

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>>61475922
fuck me this is all so good holy shit this thread

>>61476496
Do you think anyone here cares that you kept your job? You are a dumbass and dox yourself, anons have fun with it.

>>61472672
>Act like their questions are insults
I interviewed a chink like this. He would just laugh and say "too simple!" but could never respond. It's a fucking interview meme now in the office if someone has no clue they will fake laugh and proclaim it is too simple.

You are literally a laughing stock with that overconfident mindset. If you can't work through my technical questions I don't care how alpha you are.

>>61476089
Trust me, I've had VERY length meetings with head of HR, our sysadmin that runs the site, and the damned CEO himself about this. It's fruitless because HR views it as a threat to their job description.

>>61476093
No because I can't reasonably expect people to demonstrate basic understandings of a lot of shit via whiteboard, because its whiteboard.

>>61476108
Assuming I could get funding for it.

>>61476157
Sweet baby jesus is that free?

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>>61476496
OP IS STILL POSTING I CANT BELIEVE IT

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>>61476496
I am absolutely 100% convinced now that this is an employee LARPing as the boss.

They want you to rethink your words and you talk about stabbing Jess Bazos in the dick?

>>61472554
Likewise, this is the first remotely interesting bread that I've seen on /g/ for quite some time.

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>>61476603
it's probable, or it could all just be a sham to entertain the /g/diots

>>61476616
Yes, I believe this to be the case.

that Jason Brenner guy you can find online. that post was probably an anon larping again.

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>>61476584

Whatever you say faggot. Say that to someone who is getting 3 weeks paid leave for shit talking HR.

>>61476563

Real anons will respect this. Only 40 year old faggots with "moral codes" and bullshit self righteousness have a problem with lying to get the job and thanks to the SJW progressives I get to keep my job because "I didnt know any better" and this was the best "my hostile work envrinment did not nurture me enough and therefore i had no confidence to ask questions"

>tfw you get to lounge on a couch for 3 weeks
>get paid for it
all thanks to the faggots of /g/ who sent threatening emails.

AND YES JACKSON, I KNOW IT WAS YOU. Retard used his real email.

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>>61476642
Thanks for the (you) kind anon <3

>/g/ falls for a personal army bait this easily
wew
thought you guys were supposed to be the smart ones

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>>61474838
>only $40 to keep per hr
I'm a senior developer and I'm at $37/hr...

>>61476652
How much will you get paid for those 3 weeks?

>>61475501
I'll stand up for anything when its the RIGHT thing. He's not my own, I'm a Britbong. I'm fucking sick of people who don't deserve positions being hired. I am sick of incompetence in the workplace, especially in tech and governmental positions. I feel sorry for the people below him, just trying to do their job well then some drooling mouth-breather OP comes along and is named their leader and just fucks things up for everyone. He'd obviously blame things on them if they went bad and then this retarded shithead would get a competent employee in trouble.

>>61472130
How does the dunning Krueger effect even apply here? seriously.

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>>61476737

I get around $70/hr - thats why you work for high value startups and not shitty software companies. Up your game bro, lie your way in.

>>61476745

$70/hr x 10hr x 5 days = $3500 a week before taxes.

+ if i pass the training now I might get stock options and a bonus because of some "no employee left behind" scheme.

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>>61476775
shove it up your ass Nigel

>an entire board gets baited by either a truly incompetent person ora sociopathic LARPer
>some anon posting gay porn now

This is the best thread

>>61476652
>AND YES JACKSON, I KNOW IT WAS YOU. Retard used his real email.

anon sending email to coworkers was actually your coworker or do you say this to cover up for pretending to be your boss ?

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>>61476811
Desu <3

>>61476775

I'd throw you under the fucking bus without hesitation for being such a pussy faggot. If somebody manages to lie their way in to a top position they deserve it imho and weak shits like you need to fuck off and let the young guns take the wheel.

>>61476284
THE PLOT CHICKENS
9TH DIMENSIONAL WATER-POLO
EXTREME MACHIAVELLIAN SHIT

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>>61476827

One of you faggots actually used your real emails to complain about me to my subordinates. And yes I was shown every email.. all 16 of them...

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>>61476775
you probably believe in unicorns, fairies and getting a virgin waifu too dont you? Wake up fagot. This is the real world

>>61476837
lel at the impotent wanna be Patrick Bates. Oh wow, you're such a psycho. And an idiot too for taking this thread seriously.

>>61476588
>is that free?

Yep.

There are nicer ones like CoderPad and Codility, but they have a monthly fee.

>>61476496
I'm going to send this screenshot to your co-workers. You shouldn't brag, faggot. Should have taken what you got and left. You should learn to spell your CEO's name properly too.

>>61476837
*bateman, fugg.

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>>61476898
You just saved me a lot of future headaches

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>>61476881
>>61476837
>>61476804

Thank you anons. This is exactly what I mean. If you are too weak and have such thing as "morals" you dont deserve a managerial position.

Faggots like him actually helped me get 3 weeks paid vacation, free training and possible stock options and bonus for no employee left behind scheme.

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>>61476868
>faggot

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>>61476899

Do whatever you want faggot. I could literary start a fire in the office right now and get a blow job from the CEO probably.

Right now im playing tetris while the rest of the team are staring at me like they want to kill me. But do I give a shit? Nope. 3 weeks paid leave faggots.

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>>61476868
They doxed themselves while calling you out for doxing yourself ?

Anyways good job op

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>>61476939
ahaha OP if this is real top fucking kek

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>>61476967
>>61476978

Yep, the faggot who sent the archive links to my team used his real fucking email and real fucking facebook profile. But thanks to guys like him im now going to be enjoying 3 weeks paid leave.

>>61472263

HR are usually clueless on the technical details of the job.

>>61472263
When I was hired for my current role I was never once interviewed by anyone with technical knowledge. They basicly looked at my resume and decided that what I had listed was fine. My first interview was over the phone with an hr person to gauge personality/fit or whatever. The second one was with a different hr person and a project manager who was not at all technical.

Granted I didn't lie, but they could easily of hired someone just based off their ability to quote some technical sounding buzzwords. The idea that they wouldn't of had at least one engineer sit in even if just to listen for bullshit was bizarre.

>>61472350
tell them to stop questioning your methods, and just plug away on their work while you go into another room and do a fuckton of self study. every once in a while roam around and gruffly question how far they've come. No matter how much progress they've made, make sure they know it's not good enough. Tell them to log how they did everything so you can see how far things are getting along, then use those logs to help you.

>>61476837
>>61476881

What the fuck are you two underage cunts talking about? Have either of you been employed before? You think you can maintain such a bullshit position for more than a couple months without landing into shit? You have no idea the amount of people we've quickly fired over the years due to wasting our fucking time. You think this smart or something, or 'alpha', no. You're most likely a pair of autistic betas. If you want to go all American Psycho/Machiavelli you STILL need to be competent and be able to cover your ass, you know that right? Of course you don't. Get your first job and you'll see what the working world is really like.

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>>61477038

Kys old man.

Young guns are the new it. We'd rather lie ourselves into high managerial positions, get fired, and repeat until $10k/day CEO status unlike you fat piece of fucking shit working day in and day out just to save up enough to buy yourself a sex bot because not even a hooker will touch your pimple riddled ass.

We're the tech world now. We are the new millionaires now.

Your sale by date is here.

>>61476967
Operation LARPer's Honeypot

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>>61477038
This is how a huge chunk of guys at the top climbed the corporate ladder. No matter how skilled you are Nigel, you also have to have the ability to manipulate people to do your bidding fagot. We will use interns and subordinates to do the jobs for us, meanwhile we get all the credits.

>>61477125

This Nigel faggot probably worked his ass off at College to get a pathetic CS degree and then worked his way up.

Fuck that

Fuck college, just lie on your resume. Get a top position, get fired, rinse and repeat until you're a CEO of a company and nobody can do shit.

>>61477038

I'll fuck your wife, impregnate her with my seed and then you'll give me the job for me not to tell as not to look a cuck besides the young 'uns. Then I'd fire your ass and pay your wife's abortion bill from your own $$$.

You old, fat piece of shit. I hope one of the younger guys gets you fired for being such a cuck.

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>>61477156
>implying this doesnt work in meme valley filled to the brim by normie imposters

>>61477017
Post their info anon a patrician such as yourself able to lie his way into a good job deserves revenge. white knights need to be gassed

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This thread went from OP asking for help to keep his job to anon making him almost lose his job to him getting holiday thanks to anon losing his job to gay porn to old people hate thread.

Best thread ever.

>>61476939
hope your ass gets ducktaped to a wall and hit repeatedly with sacks filled with mice and keyboards.

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>>61477250
this
doxx those fagots

>>61477293

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FAGGOTS APPLAUDING OP LIKE HES SOME SORT OF A GOD?!?!

HE FUCKING LIED TO GET A TOP POSITION AND DIDNT EVEN GET FIRED.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PLEBS?!?!

HAVE YOU NO SHAME! WHAT ABOUT CODERS LIKE US WHO SPENT YEARS AND YEARS UNDER SHITTY BOSES JUST TO MOVE TO SENIOR DEVELOPER?!?

FUCK YOUUUU

IM REPORTING OP TO WALMART BOARD OF DIRECTORS

WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! WHO IS WITH ME?

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>>61477373
you have to go back friendo

>>61477073
Your view of the world is incorrect. This other-side wageslave shit you have in your head, its wrong. People don't get to the top by slaving away. They get to the top by properly executing what you're wishing you could do. What's all this euphoric shit you're typing, are you having an episode?

>sale by date

Its 'sell by date' you stupid cunt. You won't get far in the world if you know simple English phrases. This is how I know you're a LARPer. You can't even fucking type. Back to your video game, Timmy.

>>61477125
>No matter how skilled you are Nigel, you also have to have the ability to manipulate people to do your bidding

That is LITERALLY what I just implied. Holy shit, the two dumbest cunts in the thread who can barely read LARPing about cunning their way into CEO positions. Fucking hilarious. As if this thread couldn't get any funnier.

>>61477073
Please let this be pasta and not a real person.

>>61475612
>>61475922
>tries to avoid spam filters
>sends an email from a cock.li account

yeah good job idiot. Your email went straight into the spam folder.

>>61472120
You really work for Jet? I've been thinking about applying there (since they're one of the few places that use F#)

>>61477400

>cunning

Maybe learn to spell you old, wrinkly ass piece of shit before your wife gets impregnated by some nice young cock.

Also don't forget, we're the new tech not you.

I'm literary in the process of getting a tech job with 0 experience like OP.

Old experienced faggots like you shouldn't have anything to do with tech, you are useless pieces of shit to be used by young people like us because all you can do is be a coderat with 0 social skills and $12 an hour slavewage.

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>>61477400
This is why the Jews will always win Nigel. You have been brainwashed and believe in morals and whatnot. You think your superiors play it by the book? They are superior because they are more cunning than you. You only have 100 years idiot, amass as much wealth as you can

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>>61477453

This.

Nigel is an oldfag who thinks morals will get him into some sort of higher position at work because everyone will respect him, in reality everyone will shit on him for being a moralfag who deserves a cock slap across the face and nothing more.

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>>61477453
H O L Y
O
L
Y

Amazing thread

Dear lord, give us this day our daily bread and forgive our trolls as we forgive those who troll against us

and lead us not into bait but deliver us from summer fags

for thine is the pepe, the kek and the memes for ever and ever.

amen

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Add me on discord please, thanks.
Koritsu#7084

we can listen to linkin park together and circle jerk on voice <3

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>>61477373
>HAVE YOU NO SHAME! WHAT ABOUT CODERS LIKE US WHO SPENT YEARS AND YEARS UNDER SHITTY BOSES JUST TO MOVE TO SENIOR DEVELOPER?!?

weeew what a cuck
what is wrong with you ?
do you enjoy having incompetent managers telling you what to do while earning 3x what you make ?
are you the qt girl posting gay porn ?
either get better postion or make your own company wtf nigger the only reason you are so triggered is because of your own lack of skills & self assertion
op is the kind of dood you should aspire to become

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>>61477776
no, all my posts have cute pics

>>61477765
so this is how you are thinking on monetize your voice synthesizer? scamming thirsty pajeets?

>>61477799
>>>/cm/

>>61477439
>old, wrinkly ass

I'm 26 you retarded teenage nigger. Seriously, before you embarrass yourself further by trying to correct spelling that is already correct you better get back to shouting through your mic at your fellow squeaky-voiced XBOX Live virgins.

You do not even have a job. I don't know why you're continuing to LARP.

>>61477453
>>61477480
>brainlet STILL cannot comprehend that I am AGREEING with him

Holy fucking shit, just kill yourself already you utterly useless and retarded cunt. All this talk of working your way up and how to do it, yet you as an individual are way too fucking stupid to ever do whatever bullshit you're talking about. You literally cannot even read. I am agreeing with you, again because it needs repetition for your slow fuck brain.

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>>61477865
yes, sorry my friends, i must go, the pajeet janitors are banning me

>>61477799
sry :{

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>this entire thread

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>this thread
Holy shit

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>>61474890
>Sounding this much like a supervillain

So is that really the way to win?
Just fucking lie out my ass and hope I get an entry level job?

Does blacklisting not exist?

>>61474079
Just do a few contracts off those cheap ass job sites for $50. It sucks pay wise but it allows you to put actual work on your resume.

You don't even tell them it was shitty work off those sights. Just say you did consulting work and built x number of sights that did y.

Also start your own consulting llc. Costs like $100 and a few hours of paperwork but it let's you claim you are employed/doing things even if you arn't doing more than a few hours of work a month.

>>61476737
Man how

I'm a Level 1 Engineer at a pretty big e-commerce company (not Amazon level, think Chewy or something like that) and I make $95,000k a year.

This is also my first professional development job and I dropped out of college twice. I've been coding for like 10 years but it's all self taught.

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>>61475155
So why did you turn into a skeleton?

>>61476652
You do realize that this leave + training period is just to give them time to figure out how to fire you without causing a lawsuit. You will not be returning to your job.

So my friend clicked on one of the screenshots pertaining to the emails, and his computer crashed and HDD no longer being displayed in BIOS... Coincidence?

>>61472120
>almost gotten my masters in computer engineering (one more semester to go)
>fail every job interview because crippling fear of strangers, spaghetti comes falling out and I can't remember anything I'm supposed to know

teach me your ways, senpai. how do I bullshit my way into an entry level job?

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>>61472746
>>61472672
>get hired by jet
>post coworker's emails
>gloat about how dumb everyone is and that you're a project manager

you know how easy it would be for like one determined anon to archive this and send it to your HR department? You're lucky I'm lazy, I seriously could not give less of a shit but you deserve to be outed and fired for being so retarded. Not for the lying, just the fucking retardation of POSTING COWORKER EMAIL ON 4CHAN.

>>61474315
WHY DO YOU KEEP DOXXING YOUR COWORKERS ARE YOU SUB 80 IQ YOU FUCKING BONOBO?

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What the fuck kind of thread am I walking into?

>>61475737
Because everyone else does. It's classic game theory. It doesn't matter how much experience you have, if you don't, you either get underpaid or rejected. OP' post is about lead engineers but the issue remains the same: nobody with many years of experience wants a job they're overqualified for becauce HR googled coding buzzwords and copypasta them into the requirements. OP is a "special" case but it's a symptom of what's wrong with the industry in general.

>>61474767
You are a fucking faggot, even worse than op.

>>61472453
Holy shit I'm gonna do this an get an office job

>>61485459
a fake one friendo
too bad for you

>>61477373
T. Beta cuck

>>61477017
Dox the faggot OP he needs to be punished for being a homosexual nigger faggot

>>61476794
Ironically it applies to the person you replied to, who not only managed to misunderstand the concept entirely but also misspelled it in the process.

>>61472153
Just remember to be observant and resign as quickly as possible if you get any whiff that they might be about to axe your job. Getting fired would be much worse than applying for a new job and making up some other excuse when they ask you why you left the old place.

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>lie to get higher position
daily reminder that this may happens because of shits like this

>>61472453
lmao

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>>61472203
>Don't know some visual recognition shit using IBM Watson or some shit.
oof you're fucked

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Why are you retards spoonfeeding OP and rewarding him for lying about his credentials?

I hate this board SO much

>>61476652
>Only 40 year old faggots with "moral codes"
It's less about "moral code" and more "I don't want to work with an incompetent engineer who lied about his credentials"

Are we fired nao?

>>61487432
None of this is real anyway

>>61487572
Paid leave and training.

>>61487583
he's probably fired but decided to shitpost to do his `revenge` for 4chan

jesus christ

>>61487432
Its a fucking game, you think this dude is for real? Kek.

>>61474838
dude that person looks like he does some java based webdev not AI. That IBM websphere is the same stuff that IBM uses to create summer internship projects for high schoolers.

>>61474079
FUCKING THIS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ON THE JOB TRAINING? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET EXPERIENCE TO GET A JOB WHEN I CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB WITH NO EXPERIENCE?

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
I swear to god I'm lying next time.

>>61490476
companies will expect you to have some internship or personal project, showing some real application result should boost their confidence to hire you

>>61472130
doesn't apply jackass

OP is well aware of his lack of skills & knowledge. Read the definitions of the terms you use dumbass.

>>61490476
Because that want you to be passionate about it, dimwit. They don't want to train some knucklehead just so they're able to go through the motions. They want to be able to trust that the person they hire cares enough to go out of their way to have experience in it, so they can milk more money out of your enthusiasm.

>>61486336
Why not just not mention the job?

>>61481043
>Does blacklisting not exist?

it does, threads bullshit dude

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>>61472120
>my sides

>>61477035

Steve Jobs, is that you?

>tfw got hired as a unix sysadmin just for having experience with desktop linux
I don't fucking know what I will do when something breaks down. I also have no idea how to work with a server connected to the Internet and how to keep it secure besides updating it. I know Google kinda has my back but I will be in deep shit if I make a problem worsen. I want to quit but the pay is godly.

>>61474919

WAKEKEKS WILL NEVER RECOVER

LAMO

RE

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So how much DO you guys lie on my resumes? We talking stretching your previous jobs duties to their extremes? Fake Expierence? Fake Jobs/positions?

Also have you ever lied about your race? I'm about to start saying Im Native American

>>61492669
People put their race in their resumes? What the fuck.

>>61492729
On applications

>>61477038
how I wish the working work was really like.*
ftfy

>>61475737
>Why do you fucktards do this?
>I'm constantly having to fire you stupid assholes after you waste 3 months of my time
Cause you, and fucktard managers like you keep hiring pathological liars, and dumping any resume that looks the least bit flawed cause they didnt bow down their ego to you and HR, instead of putting them through the wringer and finding out "oh wait, they are retarded", like, you know, what you are paid to do.

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>>61474767
doesn't even get passed the spam filter
LOL

>>61474838
>I only get $40
>lied yourself to a 70 buckaroos an hour position

KYS

>>61472120
This shit was up yesterday

>>61472153
Here's what you do. Tell your minions to get their shit together and get this project done. If they fail, blame everything on them, bullshit your boss into believing that you're the good guy and all these fucking retards they assigned to you are the reason the project failed. No matter what, never back down on your bullshit. Never tell the truth, never admit fault, always blame others. If someone accuses you of something, deny everything, admit nothing, launch counter accusations.
t. high-level corporate executive

>>61472453
Isn't it a bit risky, if you get caught don't they blacklist you or something?

>>61482446
yes

>>61474514
everyone has to google syntax. you should know what malloc does though. it allocates memory on the heap. learn about the heap and stack and stuff and keep learning (quickly) till you understand this http://insecure.org/stf/smashstack.html

>2017
>Don't use IBM Watson

>>61472120
lmao damn you're gonna be either fired or put on some shitkicker role for the rest of your life

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>>61474705

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>>61476448

>>61472120
Kys please. Tell us the company so I can call ther HR/someone in charge to ask them why they employ retards in HR.

>>61492012

This post killed a bit of me inside.

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>>61472453
jesus m8 I wish you the best of luck, to hell with this shitty system

>>61472120
you'll thrive in the UK