>Aliens attack the earth >You are chosen as the dedicated

>fucking pacman broke AGAIN, give me a few hours to recompile from binary

>>60649374
>give me a few hours to recompile from binary
???

Fuck that shit just send half our nuclear arsenal at them

>>60649331
>This is Unix, I know this!

ssh root@alienmothership
rm -rf / --no-preserve-root

>>60649331
get there and realize I forgot my macbook dongle back at the base.

>>60649446
They have an energy shield, retard.

>>60649456
>switch after path
This is why no one takes you Lintards seriously.

>>60649331
Pray.

>>60649331
upgrade the alien mainframe to windows 10

>>60649483
Good fucking luck tanking nukes with a combined yield of several petajoules

>>60649331
Turn my arsenel of fizzbuzz programs that I've saved over my /g/ lifetime into code lasers that shoot infinite fizzbuzz loops to act as a jammer against the alien's energy shields, thus opening an opportunity for us to nuke the shit out of their mothership.

>>60649407
/out/

Throw my phone in to the void of space and scream "RAMMING SPEED!"

Reminder that the only reason they could inject a virus into the alien systems in ID4 was because the aliens were using our own satellite signals to coordinate their fleets, thus it was significantly easier to transfer earth-based computer codes into the mothership systems.

Install bitcoin mining software on their shit
become millionaire

>>60649331
>You are chosen as the dedicated IT guy
I'll be an undercover spy for aliens, fuck humanity

>>60649331
>inferno bridge with hawaii gpu on air
Run IBT and heaven at the same time, toss it in the ship and speed off before it burns down

>>60649483
So just use EM damage, send Mjolnir Cruise Missiles and neut their cap.

>>60649566
>recompile from binary
After you faggot.

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>>60649331
i would relay the ships power to the QPBU (quantum processing broadcast unit) so I can
send a cybernuke thats worth a trillion gigawatts
every single alien monitor on that ship is gonna be filled with pictures of caitlyn jenner in her bikini outfit haha america fuck yeah

>>60649331
Fap to monstergirl porn on /h/

>>60649331
I'd friend the ayys on steam and then send them a mega link to Independence Day 2: Resurgence. Then I'd escape the mother-ship while they cut their own throats.

>>60649331
We're fucked because this is a Surface 2 tablet running Windows RT that I use to brows chans while doing a poo (on a loo).

>>60649331
The only "virus" I have is a shitty python script that I wrote a year ago which creates larger and larger text files in a system until there is no more room. I think I'm going to die.

>>60649331
Install gentoo

>>60649584
Qapla'!

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>>60649331
Excuse me, but it's not polite to use the term 'aliens' anymore. 'Undocumented Immigrants' is the accepted nomenclature these days.

And consider, as scary as these immigrants may be, they are actually refugees from an even worse place, and the violence that you see them committing is really only a result of our own inability to accept the benefits that their own culture offers. Instead of being afraid of them and trying to infect them with our own cultural viruses, we should try to learn from them, and accept them into our own culture.

>>60649728
pls post code

>>60649728
It should instead create larger and larger files and when it has no more room try and create smaller and smaller ones until full.

>>60649331
install windows 7 with no updates and let the ransomware take care of them.

>>60649331
run prime95 on the motherships computer.

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>>60649374
>recompile from binary

die just like he would have because they would be using something other than silicon transistor tech which means no interface or ability to understand their code BUT i would still deploy the nuke to destroy the mothership

also it wasn't a virus it was a simple "disable shields" command probably being run from their equivalent of root

>>60649488

Macfags would just give the aliens AIDS the old-fashioned way.

>>60649331

>Magically have desktop setup with Windows (was working with Fedora earlier)
>Look for open Ethernet port
>Pry off access panels
>Nothing that looks like Ethernet
>Check for Wi-Fi networks
>"Unnamed Network"
>Probably it, consider its probably a few miles in the air
>Guess common passwords, nothing
>Turns out it's WEP
>Open Kali VM and tunnel Wi-Fi adapter
>Dump and crack traffic using aircrack-ng
>Password is "hum@nsrgay2"
>Alrighty then
>Scan the immediate subnet using nmap
>Some fucking weird hostnames
>Pick one and port scan it
>445 is open
>ohboy.jpg
>Metasploit that puppy for a Meterpreter shell
>SUCCESS
>Inspect through shell
>Windows Server 2003
>Find some sort of GIS software
>Like Google Earth but includes a fuckton of other planets
>Find a way to modify the GIS data and redirect Earth's coordinates to the Sun
>Ship immediately lurches upwards
>Pack up computer and gtfo
>NASA confirms aliens went to invade the sun

push the upload button

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>>60650433

>hum@nsrgay2

>>60649649
>Thukker large cap battery

>>60650433
There's a sci-fi short story about a much less technologically advanced alien civilization invading earth, I'd be pretty interesting to see an invading civilization adopt our computer systems for their use

I'd propably pee on it

>>60649589
>aliens were using our own satellite signals to coordinate their fleets
You mean they were using radio, microwave, etc.?

How does that make it easier to transmit codes. It's just light.

>>60650533
Why couldn't a massive alien civilization just deploy their own satellites?

>>60649331
Install the MEMZ Trojan from the comfort on my ThinkPad T460P and pray the ayys are running Windows and don't know how to use antivirus or update their systems

>>60649331
fap for the last time, than kill myself since I don't know shit about computer.

I would do the needful.

Upload some lolis and pray the alienfbi gets to them.

But you need a USB-4 port guys, otherwise the Earth is fugged.

obviously inject the virus directly into the core

>>60649331
Jerk off to porn. The adrenaline high knowing the world is depending on me and the chances of getting caught will make the orgasm that much better.

>>60649374
>recompile from binary
Congratulations. You out-memed yourself.

>>60649331
Launch the cyber nukes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7Hn1rPQouU

>>60649331
>get my Acer Aspire E15 E5 sumthing out
>shout ACER!!
>i'll upload the virus directly to their air ventilation system
>the aliens breath air
>i sneeze
>virus uploaded
>put sunglasses on
>everybody walks the dinosaur

>>60649374
do you write for tv crime dramas, anon

>>60649862
it's not like were were using the molten core of earth anyway, they can have it

>not just making a giant metal plate into an EFP travelling at a significant portion of the speed of light using nuclear weaponry to kill anything in the Galaxy

LMAO


Kinetics > all

Id probably just try to physically destroy shit rather than upload some virus, or hack into some alien system thats most likely written in code I can't understand or comprehend.

Don't worry, y'all. I got this.

>boots up Alienware laptop

launch the last resort: BonziBuddy

>>60650496
Well fuck... Better anchor mobile depot refit with stabs and GTFO. At least I tried

>>60649331
do aliens run JavaScript?

>>60649488
>using inferior software

>>60649649
>mfw still no rapid cruise missile launcher

if we have rapid torps, we should have rapid cruise

Hope that my Ryzen system doesn't crash

Start downloading a buttload of stuff from Limewire while connected to their network

Link them to this thread. They die of aids

>>60649548
>Good fucking luck tanking nukes
It was a major plotpoint of the entire movie that the aliens could tank nukes just fine.

inb4 b-but what if more nukes

>You have a task to upload a virus to alien mother ship
Install Arch on their mothership, pretty much the OS equivalent of ransomware.

Write a program, which opens the alien ships CD-tray on execute and hope for the best.

>>60657284
>It was a major plotpoint of the entire movie that the aliens could tank nukes just fine.
You must be retarded.

msfvenom -p ayylmaoware/messagebox message=FUCK ALIENS WOO WOO HUMANS RULE -o trustmeimadolphin.exe

done

use the wifi chip to broadcast INCOMPREHENSIBLE IRONIC MEMES on all known frequencies in greyscale binary, thus rotting their brains/ scaring them off

>>60649374
How about you make a GUI interface using visual basic to track the aliens IP address?

>>60649331

Install AMD catalyst control center.

>>60649603

lel

>>60649805

This is the only correct answer.

>>60657720
>not nvidia detonator

>>60657683
This made me kek. Good scene.

>>60650508
Link to story?

>>60649331
From my 1337 alienware laptop with cool anime stickers connect to wifi, google how 2 hack alien ship, download <generic ddos app>, dos the fuck out of them, realize their windows firewall is up to date, realize their antivirus is a level 8 program running mad java virtualization with physically based rendering and 128 full qwerty tabs, put on nes powerglove and square glasses, hack their firewall back in time. Then before I can finish postponing windows update I realize they counterhacked me with custom javascript applets running in their secret virtual machine, try to hack the virtual machine, realize the virtual machine is virtualizing a computer that itself is simulating the entire universe, realize that this is all happening in that virtual universe, take palm pilot off my belt and use it to block incoming wifi hacks, grab my laptop and download more ram, "imma need at least 64k of ram for this intense hack", write a word document from bytecode that allows me to access their virtual machine, boot up the console, logo pops on screen "running cryengine 42", type into console "cl_wireframe 1", I can see everything in the ship now, activate noclip and fly over to the ships computers, access the terminal, terminal asks for password, type "password", access granted, go into the system settings, activate sticky keys, activate narrator, activate windows update, open console, get their ip adress, ping their webservers back at home, use ping time to calculate distance and fire in that direction... success, I've killed all their women and children, set system font to comic sans, escape the ship, go to us headquarters, in minutes news breaks that the aliens all offed themselves, I become president of the world, hackerman wins again.

File: Commandments.jpg (559KB, 1500x1125px) Image search: [Google]

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ALIEN NIGGERS BTFO

File: thumsup_hasselhoff.jpg (35KB, 400x597px) Image search: [Google]

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>>60649512
brutal

>>60649331
*cracks fingers*
*boots Kali Linux*
*tips fedora*
it's go time!
*spams dankest memes*

>>60649331
Install Windows 10 and wait for the ship to crash.

Install adobe reader

>>60649331
>outsource the job to Pajeet
>spend the money on child prostitutes
>try to nut before the world ends

>>60649512
lost

>>60649331
Send them an email claiming to be a Nigerian Prince that needs their assistance to claim USD $64 trillion from the bank, then proceed to ask for their banking details.

>>60649331
spam them with goatse until they surrender

>>60649331
waste time reading this thread instead of uploading the virus

>>60649331
watch alien porn on the alien internet

>>60649331

If the mothership is a Cisco device...

>format flash

Goodbye aliens

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>>60649331
refuse to send the virus
>it was proprietary

File: Bill Gates.jpg (22KB, 500x256px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 500x256px

>>60649331
Tell the aliens that 640k ought to be enough for anyone.

ssh root@alienmothership
:(){ :|: & };:


or infect them with wannacry

>>60653803
>just try to physically destroy shit
This. Wasting time on software when you have physical access to the hardware is just stupid. Locate the closest analog to an ethernet port and a power outlet and connect them.

Install WannaCry connected to my Bitcoin account and make some sweet profits off those fuckers.

>>60649483
OP says
>You get flown to the mother ship with the computer on which you are reading this
so I clearly just put the nukes on my ship and go full allahu snackbar on them

>>60650508
>>60658273
This pls. Gib link.

Delete system32, naturally.

>>60649331
download more RAM

>>60649456

 sudo dd if=/dev/null of=/dev/sda

what actually would happen
>somehow manage to get on the ship without being noticed by their sensors
>arrive with the USB stick containing the malware
>no fucking where to insert the storage device because the aliens didn't adopt the USB standard
>find what appears to be a computer monitor along with some kind of input system
>try to write a malware but nothing fucking happens because you have no knowledge of their computer systems or the programming language used
>aliens find you
>rape your every hole
>die

If we can get on their ships without being detected we might as well send in Schwarzenegger and Rambo with some machine guns and explosives instead of some useless neckbeard

>>60658996
> using /dev/null as source

come on

remotely access their database and download dll files without virus protection

>>60657683
>>60658032

2 idiots 1 keyboard
and then gibbs pulls the monitor plug

>>60659011
>rape every hole

t-tentacles? l-lewd

>>60650338
kekked

>>60658879
>earth viruses spreading to other planets
>earth invaded for some fat weeb's botnet

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>>60659139
>tfw the intergalactic cyber police is backtracing you

>>60649603
kek

>>60657083
>FBI shows up and arrests the aliens for CP

>>60649331
>approach alien vessel
>enter through shuttle bay doors
>vast alien mothership lies before me
>my laptop doesnt have enough power for this
>head to the back of the ship whilst my pilot heads to the front
>dock with the control tower
>luckily my python script activates the window visor
>aliens desperately attempting to open the visor
>SHIT, i need to hurry
>wheel in my alienware desktop to the front of the ship
>thuds the console
>sorry
>lets see how you like it when we use your own tech against you, alien
>plug in the desktop and boot into windows vista
>alienhack.exe
>FUCK, its not working
>shift click, run as administrator
>im in. Jpg
>Upload my batch script to the alien computers
>FAILS
>wifi is down, i need to go physical
>Plug in my cat6e cable
>open the window and plug into port in the alien control tower, hiding my face
>its on.
Cont....

HP EliteBook 840
>i7 vPro 4600u
>8 g ram
am i fucc?

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>>60649331
Explain to them the concept of libre software and the GPL license. Hopefully they will not make the same mistake we did.

>>60657412
Wtf i want to learn metasploit now.

>>60659765
cont?
it's been like 2 and a half hours already.

>>60661761
Cont...

>>60649331
>old Dell with Windows 7
>connect to ship
>forward all ports
>disable firewall
>disable antivirus
>browse Russian websites
>???
>BITCOIN GET

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>>60649331
>Create an android soldier
>Send Robo-soldier to the mothership in my place
>Robot is controlled via a modified version of the game Doom
>Use Robo-Doomguy to defeat the aliens the old fashioned way

>>60649331
#define true false

>>60662082
https://p.fuwafuwa.moe/sxhjxy.flac

Sure was a coincidence that the alien PCs used x86 architecture

>>60649331

 
# chmod -R --no-preserve-root 7770 / 
or if you were feeling particularly cruel:
# while true; do echo "Thanks Lennart"; done; | dd of=/sys/firmware/efi/efivars

>>60662651
>not

yes please fuck my shit up Lennart | dd of=/sys/firmware/efi/efivars

>>60649331
Install winblows, and watch German porn.

>log into the mothership main computer
>pacman -Syu

>>60650798
Would you kindly

>>60663345
*poos in alien ships' exhaust port*

>alien ship's scanners brick my phone

>>60649331

:(){ :|: & };:

Simultaneously freeze and suffocate while crying.

>>60649512
>committing space war crimes
Easy there, we don't need the whole universe after us.

>>60649331
>》sudo pacman open virus.exe
There we go.

>>60649478
kek

>Delete system 46-2
>Aliens no longer superior
>Smoke blunt
>???
>Ayylmao

>>60653834
>get shot because they mistake you for an alien

>>60650728
Because they can use ours instead

Shit I hope they have BlackBerry connect installed on the mothership.

>>60649892
>>60649728
second

>>60649331
Upload the latest dank memes and webms from /hc/ and /gif/ and they will decide to leave peacefully.
If not, i will upload wannacry botnet and blow up the whole thing while i'm naked and post my programming stockings with my thinkpad while we fly away in space.
Obvious isn't it?

>>60665674
>Upload latest 9gag memes
>Aliens kill themselves

>>60649331
Setup a phishing site on probes4u.gov

>>60649446
Go read about what happens when you detonate a nuke in space before you shit post.