Feds are your door in regards to inspecting your devices, computers,

Forget my password

Absolutely nothing except talk to my lawyer as soon as possible.

Press the shut down button.

Everything is now encrypted.

>>58736503
Comply because I don't want to get shot. See if I can sue the fuck out of them for wasting my time and damages when they are done.

Delete my pronz links

>>58736503
Throw my laptoo to the ground and poor my beer on it

>>58736522
Spoilation
Concealing evidence

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take comfort in the fact that i live in the states instead of Canada and none of what I have is illegal to own or even pirated.

I don't have a contingency plan, but my friend keeps a bucket of thermite next to his desk for this purpose.

>>58736503
Probably nothing. I have nothing illegal.

>>58736522
>they have a search warrant

>>58736595
Only if they can prove it.

>>58736503
Let them do their job while I inspect the warrant. Stay out of the way and comply with their orders. Ask questions when given a chance. If they feel they need to remove equipment, I make damn sure that I have receipts or some kind of other form of tracking so that I can get it back at some point.

Later on down the road when they turn up nothing because there's nothing illegal happening on any of the machines in my possession, I get my hardware back. Then start exploring options to find out why this happened, how to prevent it in the future, and see what can be done to make it clear that this was nothing but a waste of time and resources. Both of which I am am paying for with my taxes.

>>58736503
Encrypted storage, I'd shut them down and hand them over, hopefully have them copy off the data and send it to my lawyer for plausible deniability, then decrypt the devices in front of my lawyer. Nothing illegal hidden, and no risk of planted evidence.

>>58736503
Probably question the validity of their search warrant. Even though I haven't done anything majorly wrong, I'd probably let them, but still be freaking out and end up looking super guilty even though all I have is pirated movies and music

>>58736993
They can search all they want all I've got is random 0s and 1s
They can look at them all they please

>>58736503
My country doesn't have FBI.
t. Serb

>>58736512
>>58736522
>>58737135
>"The search warrant covers any encryption keys or other methods to decrypt your data. Failure to comply will result in being jailed indefinitely."

>>58737213
Please show me case precedent for encryption keys being covered by a warrant

>>58736503
What would i do... ?
Lmfao. Fickt euch Feds, das hier ist Deutschland. Und jetzt ganz schnell runter von meinem Grundstück bevor ich euch zeige wie gut die Schießausbildung hier bei uns ist.

>>58737229
https://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2016/04/28/suspect-who-wont-decrypt-hard-drives-jailed-indefinitely/

>>58736503
I have nothing illegal.
The best they find are some pepes
the worst they find is ecchi anime

>>58736503
Ask them what they're doing out of the US and wether the warrant is from my government, and wether they can prove it or prove themselves

I have nothing illegal besides some pirated content, so I would just let them take and keep my stuff. Possibly sue if I could.
The reason why I wouldn't want it back is because they could mess with the hardware if they wanted.

>>58737255
>The Supreme Court has never addressed the compelled decryption issue. But Donoghue says the court came close in 2000 when it said a suspect cannot be forced "to disclose the sequence of numbers that will open a combination lock." A federal appeals court ruled in 2012, however, that a bank-fraud defendant must decrypt her laptop, but the ruling wasn't enforced as the authorities obtained the password elsewhere.


The SCOTUS has ruled you cannot be compelled to decrypt any files by order of the courts. Dude has a shit legal team and Philly is a legal black hole full of city backed legal thugs

>>58737186
The KGB will ring the bell.

>>58736993
Supreme court holds up that there is no warrant that can compel you to give up you encryption key.

Technically covered by the 5th amendment.

>>58736503
Jokes on them, I only run Temple OS.

>mom! opening the fucking door!

No joke this happened one time and I'll tell you exactly what i did;

> be me
> have creepy ass roomate who lives all day in his room on his computer and has a 16 year gf
> he was 32 at the time
> one morning i'm making coffee
> getting ready to work
> four loud as fuck thuds on the door
> "open the fuking door now"
> walk over calmy thinking it's one his friend pulling a joke
> see two guns and a battering ram
> instantly throw my hands up and freeze
> "just open the fucking door"
> open the door
> get on the floor
> no one walks the dinosaur today pal
> ask wtf is going o-
> Where's your roommate
> upstairs
> roommate gets carried downstairs in handcuffs
> it hits me
> cp
> mfw when all our builds and HDDs get confiscated for his bad habits
> mfw when i browse /g/ now because i had to rebuild and now idea how to it without his help

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Flip the breakers
"sorry I forgot my password, now get the fuck out"

let them go for it
nothing on them but loads of furry porn

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>>58736503
>FBI

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>>58736503
good night, cunts

>>58739092
Damn I wish I had the balls and resources to fuck with authorities like that.

>>58736503
Let them do it but verbally protest and film them.

>>58736503
Take the cyanide pill tucked under my pillow.

>>58739115
Warrant covers phones and storage devices. They take your camera and the memory card inside it.

I have nothing worth anything...
Just some anime and other cartoons like scooby doo.

FUCK THE POLICE

>>58736503
>rip out HDD and SSD
>tell mom to toss the emergency flashbang
>run to basement
>toss HDD and SSD into the crucible

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLxaVFBXbCk
"I'm sorry sir, I seem to have tripped and hit this button on my computer on the way down.

>>58739241
>not having crucible next to your desk

Your just asking to be raided.

There's nothing incriminating on my computers. What do you think I'm retarded?

I don't answer the door but I let them break it down. I rent anyways, my apartment landlord has shit-tons of money and can get the best legal team to have them pay for damages, or at least waste lots of their money. If not I'm still not paying for it.

For each piece of technology they steal from me, I will deal that much damage to them. I'm a professional hacker and I've done lots of damage to government property before without being caught. This is nothing new. Every dollar the state spends fucking me over, I will fuck them over four-fold. Doesn't even matter if it's related to me or if they know I did it.

The swat team goes so over board with these home invasions. Nigga has a riot shield and they're arresting a pedophile

>>58739313
If you were in immediate danger of going to a federal prison where you would be the one unwillingly taking it up the ass, rather than putting it in a little kid's unwilling ass, would you not want to defend yourself with a shotgun? Even if you don't believe you can get away, suicide by cop is always an option.

>>58739258
>SATA 2

>>58739954
Are you really going to notice the difference? Expect to have to give up a small amount of performance for security.

>>58739004
How did you find out? how many gbs?

>>58739004
Kek, we are here for you anon

>>58736503
Delete browsing history.

i don't have anything illegal

full disk encryption

>>58736503
keep everything on an ssd. destroying them is much easier and faster than destroying a hdd

>>58739258
What if the current just destroys one part of the chip and not the other?

>>58740652
It won't. This was developed with defense industry applications in mind. If they want something gone, it has to be GONE.

>>58736503
delete my lastpass account and change my phone + laptop password to something completely random that I don't remember

>>58739092
i hope none of the residents was injured

The FBi actually showed up the place I lived, I would have destroyed my hard drives on the stop had I been their. Luckily they were clearing the security on someone nearby.

>>58739004
Feel bad for you man.
I too would be pissed if my roomate did stupid shit and the party van appeared.

>>58739092
Are they alright?

>>58739004
How the hell did a creepy 32yr old guy get a 16yr old gf? Holy shit are young girls that stupid?

>>58736503
>they have a search warrant
What a supreme waste of time on their part, I've already been completely stripped of my 4th amendment rights by hosting a tor exit node.

Thanks Obama.

>>58740829
not only young

Record everything, Anything they say and do will be used in the Court of law against them.

They have the right to remain Silent.

>>58737154
You probably should be feeling guilty then, considering those are typically the sort of thing they're looking for.

ITT Edgy leejun fedoras who think they have anything police would even bother to file a report about

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100% serious question.

Obviously if they get the pc/server/whatever back to base, they have people who aren't computer illiterate. Not talking about breaking encryption.

My question is, is there a case in which (pun intended) the person raiding your house, would mistake a certain case, or the PC, to not be a PC at all? it was hiding in plain sight because they were expecting some beige shitbox, but it's some minimal design that looks like a cardboard box.

So they walk up to it, know they are looking for "your PC", see this box, don't put together that it's a PC, then walk out and report that you didn't have a PC to take at all.

>>58741161
You don't need a "case" for computers at all.

The problem is the cords, and the fact that they will tear your house apart.

>>58741161
The desk keyboard monitors etc. would likely give it away senpai

Inspect warrant, and if it's legit, let them search. Don't speak further than that.

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Kill myself.

>>58737213
that only works in dictatorships

>>58740829
That used to be normal

>>58741229
Like the US of A?

>>58739954
>Published on May 15, 2012

>>58741161
>this guy has a monitor and keyboard plugged into his vacuum cleaner, what a weirdo
>nothing to see here, sorry for the trouble sir

>>58741229
Like the UK of GB?

>>58741271
>>58741184
>not running a headless server

next question: what if it was a headless server and just between two walls or something? gonna tear down the walls?

next, what if you had a "bait" PC front and center for them to take thinking they got it. then hide the real server between walls like my first point.

most people easily store all their data on a headless server anyway so you could do this and then make it so it didn't overheat with huge heatsinks or something

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>>58736503
Nice try FBI.

Nothing illegal but a massive amount of compressed archives full of legal porn, mixed with zipbombs and other funny things just for shits and giggles. I would love to see them investigating my files...

>>58741323
American walls are not so hard to hear and x-ray through, let alone to destroy.

>>58737213
cant you just override the header of the encrypted partition a few times?
afaik if you override the header of an encrypted partition, the data is irretrievably lost, even to you (who knows the password), because there's some looooong key in the header that works in tandem with the password.

>>58737213

doesnt cover hidden containers :^)

>>58741354
They make a full copy of your disk and then inspect it on separated computer in a vm

>>58736503
Call my seedbox provider and tell them to wipe everything.

>>58737307
I think the lesson here is that it might not be legal but it has happened.

Feds?
Europe federalized?
Piracy is legal in my (now federal) state, so they've nothing.

>>58736503
I probably wouldn't do anything. I doubt I'd have time to destroy my hard drives and it wouldn't be worth it for the few movies I've downloaded. Besides, I doubt they'd be after me.

>>58741394
Yeah. But they still need to review. These cops will have a bad day (or week - massive amount of weird but legal shit)

>>58741323
You realize in these kinds of situations they take basically all your electronics, right?
That includes video game consoles, phones, blu-ray players, radios, and more. They're likely going to give your house a throughly look over as well, meaning they're very likely going to find any hidden computers simply by following your ethernet cables/sniffing wifi.

>>58737373
"Who is it?"

"KGB"

KGB who?"

"We ask the questions here"

>>58741380
can somebody tell me if this is true?
I vaguely remember this but now Im not sure anymore if it's true

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>>58741450
Time runs for you. Hide it in the walls and if they rush in, just call your lawyer.

>>58741532
>just call your lawyer
Not everyone lives in a Hollywood movie.

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>>58737373
The KGB doesn't ring the bell.

>>58741450
>>58741532
Next idea, have the servidora in the middle of a room full of dildoes

>We've located the server
>...So take it?
>I'm not going in there

Is ethernet susceptible to radiation? set up a server, have a big room where it's contained, and have the radiation be so bad that you couldn't even get the server back with a suit on.

>>58741583
If they don't let you call, sue the shit out of them and not a single shit they find will be judicially usable.
You can also use an Amazon dash button to start anything you want.

>>58741679
If you start building a rad room in your fucking house then whatever's in that server is the least of your problems

>>58741679
>put lethal amounts of radiation in server room
>die
At least they can't put you in prison anymore for the terabytes of kiddy porn.

if they want to look at 100gbs worth of porn then how about they do me a favor and sort it for me

>>58739107
for what purpose?

are you just an edgelord?

>>58736503
Pray to God they don't find the cum rags or judge me too harshly for all the empty liquor bottles

>>58736503
Set my house on fire.

>>58741278
>t amerisharitsan

Destroy it while they fight to get up the stairs of my tiny ass apartment.

I think this is the main reason I keep the screws of the back of the case.

i would do this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ePBNGmxVK8

>>58743021
Kek

Is this a good movie?

>>58743057
it has its moments, the story is lolworthy pseudoscience, but worth a watch

>>58736503
they can't prove it's encrypted if it's a TrueCrypt volume :^)

Tell mom to get the door and continue playing Hentai flash games.

>>58741323
i think you're onto something there desu

>>58743021
You seem to have posted the factually incorrect video.
Allow me to correct the record.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiBI0yrtHUo

>>58743100
Yea it did seem kinda stupid funny. People in the moments said that it isn't good.

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Toss all components into my forge

>>58741202
>Agent holds up warrent
>they're literally shaking because of Adrenalin
Let me hold it so I can read it.
>no!
But I need to read it before you can search
>I'll hold it while you read it
I can't read it, you cannot search
>Get arrested

>>58743226
lol

>>58736503
nothing I'm shitposting from a chromebook on a dummy account. This thread and some big tit porn is the lewdest thing this shit has seen.

>>58736522
cold boot attack

your ass is grass

>>58741801
>You can also use an Amazon dash button to start anything you want.
ALEXA DELETE THE SEEPEE

>>58736503
Overclock my fermis jump out the back window

>>58736629
that you know of

>>58743280

You seem to be extrapolating too far from my actions. If the officer wished to hold it while I read it, I would merely ask that he hold it in a way that I could read it.

>>58743021
Ayy Harvey Dent.

Interesting road to the DA office I gotta say.

Out of curiosity though /g/ would this work?

>Wipe Drive excluding OS files
>Zip Bomb it

My theory is that forensics couldn't work on the drive because all data that hasn't been fully deleted would get wiped by the new data occupying it.

>>58736512
This. I have a password scheme which requires certain conditions (which I will not name) to be true in order for me to know my own password. If I change those conditions (takes about 2 seconds), then I will no longer have access to my own encryption password. They can't force you to reveal something you don't know.

>>58744832
Do you even realize how long that takes? You wouldn't have the time.

>>58744943
What if you were using SSDs?

Beyond that though, would this even work?

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>>58736503

> a series of 32 gb sd micro cards
> imagine all the tiny places in the house they could be
> especially if one pays attention to detail and makes it not look those areas are readily accessed

hmmm....

> the real shit is hidden off site, if they managed to catch me on the one day that I actually pulled it out to access it thats just dumb luck . . . coulda died in a plane crash at that rate

> the incriminating shit is loaded on a stack of microSD cards in a 12 gauge shotgun shell thats been packed so it looks like its loaded (boy is it loaded...).
> The warrant is for computer data not weapons, and even if they were going to check the guns the ammo would probably not be bothered with since all they expect is buckshot in them.

> they might actually check the peanut butter jars and book case so those arent good places to put stuff . . . peanut butter jar with a cup inside it to hold stuff is a good way to hide things from robbers . . . and the hollow book on the shelf is classic

>>58744970
Even an SSD would probably be too slow. Also, unless you really know what the fuck you are doing you will probably leave all kinds of evidence laying around in the form of temp files and whatnot.

>>58743376
deleting C P wont get rid of it

they nailed some people just because the image icon database showed a giant amount of it had been accessed (yknow that nifty windows image preview, even if you open a folder with it in there it will generate thumbnails even if you dont look at it)


>>58744832
Not sure about this but if you Wipe a drive you need to make sure all of the data is overwritten...

If you got a 500gb HD and you delete everything off... then copy 500GB of shit onto the HD it will have to force all those bits on the drive to align to the new stuff.

Overwriting is powerful.

but there may still be a cache record of filenames

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OH NO, NOT MY TORRENTED MOVIES!!!!

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Get on the ground, fucko !

>>58737098
cuck

>>58742393
Not him but, if you haven't noticed, governments the world over are getting more and more out of control all of the time.

Log in to my macOS partition where I don't have any pirated software. If they can find a way to boot back into Windows without knowing that there was such a partition before I deleted its header, kudos to them.

I can fix it later with gptfdisk.

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Laugh because I have litterally nothing incriminating on my system.

Then I'd sue them for the repair bill if they broke or didn't return anything.

>>58736517
This

>>58736503
Put my laptop HDD and iPhone in my 1500 watt blender with some water.

Good luck, feds.

>>58736617
Yeah, you're definitely going to fed prison for even saying that.

>>58736503
>Feds break down my door
>they walk in on me jacking off
>nearest officer takes off his sunglasses
>we lock eyes
>we kiss passionately
>other officers drop their weapons and begin making out with each other
>we have a massive cop orgy

>>58739004
That happened to my sister. Luckily her roommate didn't get her house raided but I did suspect that he was viewing CP when I repaired her computer and it had ransomware on it.

>>58736503
I open the door.
We get on the floor.
Everybody walks the dinosaur.

>>58742644
>>58742644
Takes too long

>>58745181
>mac
They'd just leave since you're a queer

>be me
>late 2011
>find out about Tor
>get on hiddenwiki
>look at Silk Road
>uninstall Tor
>several weeks later
>front and back doors get rammed in at 4 AM
>go down stairs
>9 officers in SWAT gear
>All their guns are on me
>Go into shock
>Get told to have my hands up and come down stairs
>In just my boxers and a dbz shirt
>get cuffed and shoved face first into a couch
>room mates get brought downstairs cuffed
>other uniformed officers come in
>A K9 unit came in
>we were ID'd
>we're cuffed for a good 2 hours while they tear everything apart
>they popped all of the vents
>popped all outlet covers
>popped a few light fixtures
>went through laundry baskets
>unzipped all seat cushions and pillows
>all pockets of all clothes were searched
>went through all media cases
>pulled all drawers and looked underneath
>popped a squeaky stair tread
>went through all boxes
>flipped through all books
>looked behind all appliances
>they seized all consoles, phones, computers, etc.
>they took one roommate and hauled him off
>he had been selling meth and crack
>took over a week to get our stuff back

If you can access it, they can find it.

>>58745293
Now were you detained?

>>58740829
>are teenagers stupid
are you unironically asking that question anon

>>58736503
Oops i forgot my phone in the oven.
Along with all my HDDs.
Im so forgetful sometimes.

>>58745293
they were just after your meth roommate

>>58745258
I don't use a mac, the partition is just for testing software.

I send the panic key over the network which writes a new grub config for a kernel which fills the RAM and writes random garbage over my encrypted disk at random points. my keyfile is a dll file in an old cereal box game disk on my shelf. they cannot win.

>>58741389
>>58743123
>using the smiley with a carat nose

>>58736503
commit sudoku

>not running you memeware on volatile flash storage

What fucking year is it again?

>>58745399

I was on the verge of tears when I was thrown into the couch.

>>58744922
Could you elaborate? This sounds interesting

>>58739004
If he was the only guilty party why do you not get your shit back? They apparently even already knew going in that they weren't after both of you, so it shouldn't be unreasonable to expect that not every piece of equipment there would necessarily be involved in the crime.

They can keep the HDD(s) if they're that concerned, sure, but at least give back the rest of the machine.

>>58746474
That's because you're a pussy

>>58736503
>feds are your door
I would stand there in amazement at the technology that allowed them to become a door. Then grab a hammer and nails and make them shut up.

>>58744832
You don't want a zip bomb. Run DBAN or something similar.

>>58736517

This. They can get what they came for and I have to see the warrant.

>>58737240
jaja wie war das mit der g36

>>58747161
Immer noch eines der besten Sturmgewehre weltweit. Jede Waffe hat ihre Schwächen - die so medienwirksam präsentierten des G36 treten dabei nur bei falscher Handhabung auf.

>>58737373
KGB is Russian. There was UDBA, but it's dead. I just pirate software and games and vsts.

>>58737213
How can they prove you know the encryption key at all?

>>58736503
Ask to see the warrant to make sure it's genuine, then calmly lead them to my office and bedroom, hand over my computers, and politely ask that they not be damaged in any way during transportation or investigation, as they are important for doing my job and hobbies. I would also write the encryption keys on a piece of paper and tell them not to lose it. I don't have anything to hide from big brother as long as they go through a judge.

>>58746532
You've never had any similar contact with cops right? Not US here but they're assholes. Forget about any shit they seize -including money- even if (when) you're acquitted.

to all encryption fags, they will make sure you stay in jail until you give them decryption key desu.

dont forget to not drop soap in there senpai.

>>58748236
>implying I use a password and not a randomly generated keyfile that I securely deleted already.

>>58748318
>implying they will believe you deleted the key
enjoy your life sentence senpai

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They wont find my 64gb micro sd card

checkmate senpai

The FBI have no jurisdiction here. I tell them to fuck off.

>>58744922
>>58746499
please, dubs wills it.

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>>58736503
Lol, I live in Brazil. Just break my laptop in half and throw my phone from the window.

>be living in a nigger country for 25 years
>doors have 3 different locks
>i can hear someone touching my 2 meter gate

Before the federal police can break into my apartment, i already destroy every single piece of hardware that i own, and burned my books. I still get enough time to get naked and spread sunflower oil all over my body, just to make more difficult to them (and funny to me).

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>>58743336
>It's another pokemon episode

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>>58736503
>174 replies
>No "Your move, mister law man" posted

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>>58743421
Solid advice.

Stand back, coppers, I'm packing heat
Eat lead

>>58736503
>Feds are your door

Little awkward, as I don't go out much and having to use a fed as a door would make things even more awkward.

I have nothing illegal on my Pc, literally homeworks and games from steam and GOG. If they really want to comb through my files, I'm sure they'll enjoy my collection of fart porn

Immediately pull the plug on my system. I have encrypted drives. Good luck getting through my 9 proxies, fgtz

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>>58743244

Wudup, forgebro! I just built myself a furnace. Going to start melting some aluminum soon. I want to greensand cast the Quake 1 symbol. Just thought of that today seeing a sweet expose talking to John Romero in Ireland.

>>58741479
>>58741380
obstruction of evidence
but yeah

ask them what they're doing here and why they think they have jurisdiction outside of us soil.

I'd also pick up my doggo and make sure its quiet so they wont shoot him.

>>58739311
/r/iamverybadass