>Hello sir, this is Microsoft tech consultant >Your computer

sure thank you

let them connect to a vm with gentoo installed

>>58599296
A v-virus? H-how do i get rid of it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFr74zI1LBM

>>58599296
Where's the download link!?

I do the exact same to them: pretend I'm Microsoft and say that they have a virus.

Leads to some lulz sometimes.

wirus*

viruse*

Thank you for informing me sir. How much do I need to pay you to fix it and where should I send the money?

>>58599329
Yes, a wirus. There is nothing to worry about sir, but first you have to install Team Viewer, Yes?

>>58599403
It seems that you already know the procedure, sir. But, as per our Microsoft contract, we still have to follow all procedures sir, Yes? Do you see a circle button on the bottom left of your screen?

>>58599296
Fire up my VM with Windows 3.1 installed

>>58599296
After getting two of these calls I learned a few Indian curse words. I'm not exactly sure what I said, but I believe it involved his mother and a goat.

Never got another call.

>>58599471

No sir, just a rectangular window

>>58599471
No, I only see the letter 'a'

why do Indians use t"Sir" everywhere?

>>58600407
Colonial legacy

File: Vereshchagin-Blowing_from_Guns_in_British_India.jpg (68KB, 600x420px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 600x420px

>>58600407
Because we taught them what happens to them if they don't

>>58599296
Break in to their network, learn everything I can, then send in the vans.

>>58600407
Americans do this too though.

>>58600407

What are you supoosed to say ? (non native speaker)

>>58599458
Y-yes of course, I am so glad you can help meh.

>>58600640
You generally say sir at the start of a conversation "Hello Sir" and at the end "Have a good day sir" . Indians are known for saying it at the end of every sentence

..
>>58599296
>>Hello sir, this is Microsoft tech consultant
>>Your computer has a virus
>>We are here to help
>Your response
What is Microsoft sir ?

>>58600640
>>58603145
Or you know just "Hello", and "Have a good day" because you're not autistic

>>58599296
>call Adarsh while drunk as fuck with questions about my modem
>me and him spend 30 minutes poking around and getting familiar with the software and shooting the shit
Decent race, just wish there was an intrinsic drive for individuality and innovation.

I told them I was having issues with my copy of Windows 95, they bailed out pretty fast.

>>58599296
>sir
Did you just assume my genders and also my operating system?

>>58599458
>wirus
>not Team Wiewer

ctrl+f pajeet

0 results

>>58599471
too many articles
>It seems that you already know procedure, sir. But, as per our Microsoft contract, we still have to follow all procedures sir, Yes? Do you see circle button on bottom left of your screen?

>>58599296
You want my credit card number? Sure, it's uh, 3834-6788-9201-2585

Expires 10/18 CVC is 254

>>58603496
Insufficient sir's
>It seems that you already know procedure, sir. But, as per our Microsoft contract sir, we still have to follow all procedures sir, Yes sir? Do you see circle button on bottom left of your screen sir?

>>58603518
Oh, fuck, how to I delet

>>58599296
I just need to put you on hold for a moment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_peUxE_BKcU starts playing

>>58603299
kek this

Then go on a navy seal pasta + hugh mungus lady style rage attack. Telling him that I'm a lady and to refer to me only as "Mademoiselle sir" because I'm a non binary lady.

POO IN THE LOO

What is the most insulting wallpaper you can show an Indian?

>>58600502
You make their back itch and give them smooth wagon wheels as the only mean to scratch their backs?

>>58605065
dead cows

>>58603496
Introduce words in the conversation that sound sort-of like sir.
Siri for example.
I'm not sure you can sneak in Carbapenem-resistant Enterobacteriaceae but if you can abbreviate it to CRE

Never got one of those calls, do you have to give out your phone number to some sweepstakes to get on their lists?

>>58599296
Hold on, I have to poo, cordless phone signal does not reach outside to front sidewalk of my home. Best call from them is when they call up about owing taxes to the IRS and the cops are going to kick your door down soon if you don't pay them within 2hrs.

>>58599296
>A 'wirus' you say?
>Bye!

>>>/loo/

>>58605165
Some of them use programs that randomly generate phone numbers. Then yeah, if you enter some bullshit thing or whatever, they'll share your number around.

>>58605210

Then they demand payment in iTunes gift cards.

*click*

>>58607438
What is that about with iTunes gift cards? Usually it's those Instagram or WU cards or loading up a credit card you buy somewhere.

>>58603252
Trying to shoehorn one social rule to fit every use case is like actual autism.

I somehow fell in with the autistic crowd for a bit in high school, and it was just constantly inventing social rules to make up for not actually understanding how people work.

>>58605065
A pakistani flag.

SOMETHING ON MY DEXTOP!

>>58600640
>>58603145
>>58608352
Fine, how about "[Statement of greeting]", and at the end "[Statement of farewell". There, that covers all the bases, you massive autist

>>58608581
>Trying to shoehorn one social rule to fit every use case is like actual autism.

Also, I'm totally not that other autist.

File: 220px-Toilet_with_flush_water_tank.jpg (10KB, 220x245px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 220x245px

>>58605065

>>58603518
>no money on the card
Fuck u

>>58599296
Ayo hol up
U b sayin
*grabs mouse*
U b sayin dem Russians gives me a virus?
Wat do nigga?

>>58599296
I'd have a heart-attack and die.

Let me explain.
>I used to work as a mainframe operator. I was hired to be the operator on duty on Saturdays by myself.
>On the second Saturday working alone I unlocked the doors of the facility and when I got back to the Master Console, there was a highlighted error message.
>Trying not to panic, I was reaching for the phone to call my supervisor when the phone rang. I answered the phone and it was the local IBM technical support technician.
>He asked if there was a problem, and I replied that there was a hard drive failure message highlighted on the Master Console. The technician replied that he was calling from his car, and that he was already on the way.
>The IBM mainframe had contacted IBM with the error message. Remember this was on a Saturday. Turns out there was a failed hard drive on the DASD array (IBM's name for RAID array).
>There was no data loss, but the drive needed to be replaced. If another drive failed, there may have been data loss.
>The technician found what exact drive type needed to be replaced and contacted the local shop for a replacement. There were no replacements at the local shop, so the technician ordered a replacement from IBM central with same day shipping.
>The technician waited there for the replacement drive to arrive, installed it, and waited for the drive array to sync back to full functioning before leaving. Normally I left at 5pm, but I only had to stay about an hour late that day.
>That was the most impressive technical support I ever witnessed. Of course my employer was paying mid 7 figures per year for that level of support.

Ever since then, when I tell that story, I end it by saying that if Microsoft ever even contacted me reporting a problem with my computer, I'd be so shocked, I'd have a heart-attack.

>>58599343
That's so disappointing.

>>58599296
do you know how to poo in loo?

>>58599296
There is a Ownageprank of Indian IT guy. Funny as fuck. Someone put a link I gng afk for some work.

>>58615815
>pranks
>real
What are you, 12? Get the fuck out of 4chan

Paheet my son, why do you use the designated shitting street instead of poo in loo?

My computer does not use Microsoft Windows. You have the wrong number.

>>58599296
BITCH FUCK SHITS!YOU NIGGER NAZI ASSES! YOU CAN FUCK HELL! BAN YU ALL! YOU GET BANNED! YOU GAVE OUT MY PASSWORD!I AM THE MOST FUCKING NGGER MATURE! GIVE ME BACK THE PASSWRD!

ASKFHSed?Gsdfghsdfkhgbafgbhbgfhbfs fukk sex you nigger cock pussy! i fuck yhou you have satan you canada ass whovdoesn't beleive in Christ! I HOPE YOU ALL GET RAPES!

I keep a laptop filled with images of cattle slaughter in case these fagwads call me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U12ZYBTnHvM

>>58599296

All I see is "(c) 1980 Sinclair Research Ltd" at the top and a flashing brick

I actually got one of these calls once

>pretend to be a stereotypically retarded American
>go along with it
>steer the conversation to how much I hate Muslims
>Indian named "John" from California becomes noticeably peeved
>double down on the rant and include Hindus, saying Muslims and Hindus should just slaughter each other so India could go to it's rightful owners, White Christians

Oh many keks where had

>>58610429
this

>>58599296
I get this all the time. I just say my PC is at work and that they should call my work number so one of my coworkers can help fix my PC. I then give them the number to the local police department. Not really sure what happens after but I bet they have fun.

>>58599296

Hold on a moment. It's not my computer.

MOM!!! It's for you.

She'll be here in a minute. Facebook is acting up.

> put down phone
> make various noise like I'm doing something, maybe start fapping or fragging or whatever

You still there? She said she's coming. Do you need a credit card number? We need this shit fixed right away.

> turn on stereo
> appropriate music selection for my mood
> yeah, you know it's gonna be loud

Sorry guy, I'll get my sister to turn that down. MOM!!!! This guy's waiting!!!!

Do you charge by the hour? Or is it one price to just fix it?

> etc. etc.
> no need to interrupt my fap

>>58613356
>>>/dad/

Memes aside, it's kind of dry and nice.

An Anti-joke.