>walk into office >ask what's up >tech girl screams

>>57943782
We need 2 people on this computer right now!

>>57943782
decide to play ddr together using the same keyboard instead

>>57943782
Unplug Monitor, Turn 360 degrees and walk away to grab another slice of Piza

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>Put on hard hat
>Get out Walkie Talkie
>Turn to camera
BATTLESTATIONS!!!

>>57943782
In order to investigate the level of penetration I need to deploy my my tools to do deep probing into her back end systems.

>okay, go log an incident with security then
real life sucks

>>57943782
fapping furiously while maintaining eye contact

>>57943782
Close your mouth. Wash your hair.

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>>57943782
Sorry girl, just lost my RAID NAS server due to an power loss and battery backup decided to fuck itself. This is the best meme I've got now.

>>57943782
can't you retards just turn everything off?

>>57943886
kek

I'll write a GUI in visual basic and see if I can trace an ip

I don't give an answer.

>>57943991
every tiem

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>>57943782
>tech girl

>>57943782
>Type cookie, you idiot. Run an anti-virus, give me a systems display! DIE, DICKWEEDS!

Probably head on over to knowyourmeme.com and contemplate suicide.

>>57943782
pour petrol on the firewall to make it stronger

>>57943782

cut the internet access.

>>57943782
hack into the mainframe

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>boot lunox
>open shell
>ping 127.0.0.1 /t
>"its ok im ddosing the mainframe"
>go home and fuck the main girl

>>57943802
>grab another slice of Piza
just conquer it already

Get you nasty 60 year old "gothic" ass out of here till you can act and look more professional I want nothing but pantsuit and natural hair colors from now on and no more spikes or pig tails you will have a sensible haircut from now on

>>57945199
But really they need to replace this actress with someone younger cause she is ancient and far too old to be betraying a "hot goth girl"

>>57944989
underrated

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>>57945199
Yeah, look like everyone, because that is the problem.

>>57945639
It's one of the problems they got this nasty old bitch with a dusty ass cunt trying to play some hot goth girl

Run antihack.exe and then go to get lunch.

>>57945199
>>57945322
>nerds getting mad because an older woman can do things they cant

I bet you blame mexicans "stealing" jobs for you being NEET little white cucks.

>>57945710
They need to get someone 20-25 for the part the current one is dusty and worn out and her act isn't very convincing either

Turn off the modem then you dumb whore.
Why must you be so emotional and whiny when
you have the answer in front of you?

>>57946454
The girl responds:

>turning off the modem in a production environment

How did you get your job? I'll report you to HR

your turn

>>57946513
I got my job by having a productive environment work for us instead of working against us bitch.
You explain why you let all the data and production fall into the hands of competition when you could have just pulled the plug.

>>57945022
This. Just unplug the ethernet cable or if necessary, pull the plug on the router itself.

Alright, we just have to bypass the front-end motherboard and proxy their SSH mainframe. That should buy us some time to trace their IP address

go to a terminal and type ipconfig, ping, cd and dir in different order

If it's about outside servers then I'm just checking reverse proxy and blocking the shit out. If it's about internal network I'm telling her to call support.

>>57943886
Yep, mailing [email protected]

>open terminal

cd code
cd ..
ls
cd .. 
cd code
ls
cd code

Girls can hack too, you know

>"WE'RE BEING HACKED!!!"
The word hacked is making my blood boil.

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>>57946891

Burn down all the computers with thermite

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>>57943782
Pretty sure the b0ss man just shot the computer with his pistol in that show

The worst one ive seen was some ADHD thing called "new scorpion"

>>57945710
Settle down, tough guy.

>>57943782
It's fine since we can't hacked. Why?
Cause Hacking is Inillegal.
So simple use the Botnets to source the IP through Visual Basic. Then DDoS his Microwave

[spoiler] Anyway that's all the memes I can be bothered to do for now bye now. [/spoiler]

>>57944989
The fire rises

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>>57943782
i would go full shoa

>>57946891
well memed.

>>57943782
Have you tried unplugging it?

Seriously, if the attack is known and that slow then simply disconnecting it would stop such said attack.

-

Their dowloading our top secret files!
Uplugs ethernet cable.
Try downloading them now suckers!

-

Their uploading a viruse to our RAM!
Unplugs power supply.
Wait a few minutes for the RAM to zero out, then don't let them upload that viures.exe again.

>>57943782
i would kick her out of the office for being a dumb panicky bitch and unplug the ethernet cable,

the air gap firewall is the best

Disconnect everything from the internet, I'm going to go get some of that shitty free coffee.

>>57948621
Have fun restoring your database from the last backup.

>>57943782
shut everything off and unplug it all.

>>57943782
put dick in mouth, hack her memeframe

>>57943782
The answer is always Gentoo

Install Gentoo

>>57943782
Pull up a gooey in C+ and perform a vector on the mainframe.

>>57950998
that's actually pretty decent portrayal for television, what show is this?

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How?

>>57952106
So you have a program to view c++ as a visual object, then you make an array for the server, using said object.

WUT!

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>>57943782
Call the Garbage Man

shutdown the mainframe

>>57943782
I find that highly unlikely. Unless we're at some shitty corporation or something.

>>57943802
>360 degrees
Kek

>>57943782
rape

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I would launch the cyber nuke

hacking the mainframe

>>57952252
It's a lot for a noob to comprehend, I know. Someday kid, someday...

What is this a game or something?

*eats popcorn*

*steps out of the shadows*

heh.. i didn't need you to tell me that.. because i am the hacker

>>57950998
Which Kamen Rider series is this?

>>57943782
install Google Ultron©

>>57949471
You realize that's actually a very valid real-world solution, right?

If you have a completely fucked network, you take it down.

>>57950998
Dude source? This looks pretty cool.

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>>57943782
>in that case, on your knees.
>It's not gonna suck itself goth bitch!

>>57950998
Needing sauce on this

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>>57943782
>"WE'RE BEING A HACKED!!!"
>mfw

>>57952471
mng imagine he spend time making the bomb graphic with big red button

>>57943782
*unplugs computer*

Simple

>neglects the fact that it was network based worm

>>57943782
>good, I'm going out to pret for a coffee
>email me when when those cunts in IT have it all sorted.

>>57943782
unplug and plug in again

>>57950998
Want src

>>57943802
kek

>>57943782
Tell her you need to look at her back door.

>>57943782
meme her "Putin back at it again with the russian cyberattack" lol

>>57950998
>192.168.8.1 <dev/null>
lost

>>57953115
>>57952818
>>57955046
Bloody Monday by the looks of it

>>57945710
>Nigger

>>57943782
OK, so do your job and take care of it.

>>57955259
what is wrong with this?

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QUICK SCRAMBLE THE IP
CANCEL THE MAC ADDRESS
RESTORE THE BACKUPS

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>>57943782
"Not my job."
>give a half assed shrug
>continue mopping floor

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>>57943782
>tech girl
>tech
>girl

>>57956635
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8qgehH3kEQ

>>57956679
omfg
this flash game

THE TABLE'S FLIPPED NOW WE GOT ALL THE COCONUTS BITCH

>>57945182
underratted

>>57943915
this is the only right answer in the whole thread

>>57952471
what

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>>57950998
>tfw this gook piece of shit is as close to reality as television hacking gets
Why can't TV ever get it right? How hard is it to ask a pen tester how an actual attack looks like? I don't think anyone actually enjoys ridiculous and over the top hacking scenes (barring exceptional cases, e.g. The Matrix).

I'd love to watch a realistic TV series/movie about hacking but the only one that comes close to believable is Mr. Robot, and that show is unwatchable for other reasons anyway.

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kek

Do you think she has a hairy pussy, /g/?
I think she has a hairy pussy.
I would love to smell and lick her hairy pussy.

>>57956699
>she

>>57957156
Because the people who work in holywood are coked up morons....

>this board has memes

What the fug

>>57943782
How is this thread alive after 19 hrs?
Simple answer see whose account is being used for the hack and then remove all privileges. Try tracing it back. Look at bash history of hacked account, undo what was done, report any data links. Leave room.
Side note: there's not much you can do during a hack and most go on without anyone noticing, but that would make for horrible tv.

>>57958464
newfag

>>57958471
I mean you're not wrong, I've literally never even looked at this board. 10 years, and not once.

>>57958485
gtfo /b/ poster

>>57943782
unplug the Ethernet and download Norton from the library

>>57958501
>Using /b/ as an insult
The last time i checked it was still better than /g/

>>57958501
I'm not a /b/ person myself but yes u will leave you technomancers to your awkward /tv/ tier memes

>>57943782
We need to shut down their Mainframe.

>>57943782
HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

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>>57958464
every board has specific memes.
check /vg/. each general has its own community with their own memes.

>>57949471
>Implying the network admin gives a flying fuck about your db

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Counter-hack them with Emacs through sendmail.

>>57957793
This girl is ugly, fat and stupid.

>>57943867
underrated

>>57957156
because real hacking is boring af to watch

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>>57949471
>imblying crash-consistent backups aren't a thing
>imblying restoring a database is hard

>>57943782
>tech
>girl
Ignore her because every girl I have ever met in IT has no idea what the fuck they are talking about.

>>57952471
motherfucking Castle, man. love it.

>>57957033
>>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7Hn1rPQouU

>>57957793
>she
>she
>her

>>57944935
god Hackers was great

>>57943802
It's "moonwalk away" you absolute retard

>>57956581
sensei's computer was windows

>>57960463
Use /b/ much?

>>57958727
fuarrk yeah :)

>>57959915
oh god that's painful

>>57959071
that shit was lit

>>57946932
autism

>>57958718
NO U

I look to the camera everything fades to grey then pauses, then some music starts playing

>>57943782
turn 360 degrees and pentest her pussy

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>>57950998
sauce?

>>57959071
This

>>57956581
nothing. that was outputting the log to a null directory.

Standard reverse shell

>>57943782
>>"WE'RE BEING HACKED!!!"
"Oh I did not."

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>>57943782
A hacker is someone who enjoys playful cleverness—not necessarily with computers. The programmers in the old MIT free software community of the 60s and 70s referred to themselves as hackers. Around 1980, journalists who discovered the hacker community mistakenly took the term to mean “security breaker.”

Please don't spread this mistake. People who break security are “crackers.”

>>57946891
>not typing pwd in between
pleb.

>>57962863
It's too late, normies will never understand. They just can't.

>>57945032
underrated post

why does the screen beep when lines of code are scrolling?
have computers ever done that? i've been using them since the atari 800xl and i have no recollection of any computer behaving in that way.

>>57943782
Silently unplug the monitor because that's how you solve an issue.
Can't get hacked it no computer, right?

>"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

>>57943782
Install Gentoo

>>57963164
some screens beep when you can't scroll any further

that's pretty much it

>>57943782
ENHANCE

>>57959881
only right answer

>>57943796
Stepmania girls!

>>57963164

My ThinkPad has something weird in the display where it makes a strange but barely audible cricket/scrolling noise when elements are moving around on the screen, like scrolling. Hax0r as fuck.

>>57957156
I've heard all the network crime serial writers have an ongoing competition to put in the dumbest tech stuff in shows without most of their audience noticing. Since the audience is either 50+ or hardcore normal fags they just put insane stuff in for laughs.

>>57946842
Don't mail you fucking pleb, live mails can be tracked and filtered so hackers would know they've been rooted out; you should use the phone because it is instant notification too.

>>57962863
A distinction lost on most people. Also "crackers", come on are you low key racist against whites?

>>57946513
>production environment
let's not kid ourselves, nobody here fits that description

>>57964061
>he thinks phone lines cant be cracked
pleb
you should use telegram its man in the middle proof

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>IM PULLING THE PLUG ON THIS THREAD

>>57960463
>not realizing that the 360 degree meme is a meme
>>57960878
>not realizing that the correcting the 360 degree meme meme is a meme
>>me
>not realizing that the berating the correcting the 360 degree meme meme meme is a meme

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>>57943782
:3

>>57956581
>>57962526
Actually, that was a "<" not a ">". He was reading from /dev/null into a program that doesn't accept standard input. Also, there's no such thing as a "null directory".

Then there's the "capture complete" thing where the password box magically fills itself in for no particular reason...

>>57949471

Piece of cake. I run Oracle.

>>57945032
>lunox
>ping /t
jimmies have been rustled

>>57943782

Run a backtrace against IP address 666.1337.420.LMNOP and call CTU to send Jack Bauer in there.

>>57959915

>start counterstrike

I bet she's an AWP n00b.

>>57943782
>this beat suddenly starts playing

https://youtu.be/k02KIOUU8Hw?t=36s