>hey, anon is good with computers! >yeah, can you fix

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My grandma got convinces by this idiot over the phone to install a "registry cleaner"

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>tee hee thanks anon
>no problem, next time just don't do that
>I keep forgetting anon you are so smart
>nah, it's no big mistery, just remember to don't do that again
>tee hee if it breaks you can fix it for me again tee hee

FUCK YOU.

nope, entire family has been on ubuntu since 2009. also traded them for $20 C2D thinkpads each time whatever their shit they had died so there's no more hardware failures either. haven't gotten a call back from anyone.

>>57937570
>tee hee if it breaks you can fix it for me again tee hee
I fucking hate that
NO YOU CUNT
LISTEN TO THE WORDS I AM SAYING
DO NOT DO THAT

Not for free

>>57937623
Right now I just don't even go near a computer that needs fixing unless I'm regularly fucking those cunts in the ass. And the last time that happened I just nuked fucking windows out of a desktop and installed Xubuntu and carried on with my day.

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>>57937570
>just dont do it again
>they do it again

I swear to Christ I've had to unfuck my step-dads computer 1000 times

>I never downloaded that! It just appeared on there
>I heard it worked on television!
>It was fine until you worked on it!
>why are there Chinese symbols all over my PC?
>why is my computer slow when it literally has no space left?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>57937376
>run defragger software
>"this is gonna take a while why don't you just go do something else ans comeback in a couple hours
>fap and tale a nap
>a couple hours later
>"your computer gor fucked up by thr killerisdead virus you should get a new one"

repeat until they stop bothering you or get really por for buying too much computers

>>57937570
>mistery

>>57937755
But what if the computer is your mom's anon?

>>57937758
and "to don't do that" instead of "to not do that"
I was getting angry as I was fucking typing it.

>>57937376
I charge money for that.

And it enables me to see other people lives from different perspective. It is sort of fun.

I just pretend to be completely tech illiterate while secretly fixing my own computer problems and installing my own hardware.

>>57937376
>I only work with Linux.
>If you want help switch to Linux.
Literally win-win.

>>57938608
this is the right way to do things

$100, or i can install LinuxMint for free, at least then you won't come back asking for help 1000 more times

>>57938644
>>>57937376 (OP)
>>I only work with Linux.
>>If you want help switch to Linux.
>Literally win-win.

Thinking of doing this to my neighbor, fuck his old stupid ass

I fix my sisters' computers all the time and they pay me in blowjobs.

>>57938644
>>If you want help switch to Linux.
Not worth the trouble.
The fact that you only know Linux shows how little you know.

>>57937732

>It was fine until you worked on it!

A lot of this stuff doesn't get to me that much, but this is the one that does it for me. This is the point at which I'll stop working on your shit forever.

>protip: charge them and they'll never bother you again or make you profit

I make the occasional $40 every once in a while cleaning family's and friend's computers of viruses or flashing a clean copy of windows 7 SP1 + convenience rollup updates to make their computers run faster.

I don't charge them cucksquad prices but still get mad dosh. Everybody wins.

>>57937376
I just reinstall their OS and then they never ask me again

>>57937431
Fuck wasn't that pic from a book?

the worst being

> ITS BEEN WORKING WEIRD SINCE YOU TOUCHED IT

>>57939721
still a win win if you dont have to touch a windows machine

>>57940243
Scary stories to tell in the dark, original edition

>>57940243
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Windows 10 and 8 both have a reset/refresh option.
It is fantastic when people with shit like this.

>>57937376
Well, not really in my family because most of my family is at least competent with computers.

Even my mom who learned to type on a type writer in the seventies knows to regularly scan for malware and not to click on advertisements that contain malware.

>>57940288
this happened to me this morning.
>my boss's computer wouldn't connect to his wifi
>my lappy works on his wifi fine
>I reboot his and get nothing but a black, backlit screen after boot
>takes me an hour to figure it out but I got a $50 out of it

>visit family for the holidays
>they ask what i'm studying
>computer science
>immediately start asking me to fix their computers

/g/ once said I should just tell them discrete maths. I'm going to try that next time.

Most of my experiences with people who are computer illiterate are not family members. It just happens that my family is not retarded.

In my experience, married women are more likely to have malware infested computers due to their husbands choice in porn websites. The christian women often won't believe that their husbands would jerk it on some shit website.

>>57940499
>maths
>math
whydoesthissufferingneverend.flac

>>57937376
>>hey, anon is good with computers!
>>yeah, can you fix my computer? It's running really slow.

My dad is that anon. He has to fix a lot of computers from family members or his friends.

Lately, he fixed his brother's computer and he watched into his browser history.

Every morning, my uncle types ''old lady sodomy'' on google and watches anal grannies video.

all i do is send them a link to download malwarebytes anti malware or install it for them and set it all up automatic scan

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>run CCleaner and remove all startup junk
>restart computer
Wow Anon you're amazing!

>>57937611
they hate you for giving them chinkpads lol

>>57937376
>Reinstall windows and basic problems
That will be $10 :).

>>57940499
Same story but im a software engineer.

>>57937732
>step-dads

>>57937611
They're probably blind by now.

who wants to fix my computer that isn't displaying anything on boot?

Sorry it took so long, I had to clear the PSU's cache to allow the RAM to format the PCI slots. Next time I'll use auto-mdix because that was really hard. It'll be 50$ [spoiler]plus tip[/spoiler]

>tfw I was becoming this person as a teacher at my school since I am pursuing a CS degree
>tfw bluntly telling people to fuck off if it's something I can't solve in one minute

I'M NOT YOUR PERSONAL TECH SUPPORT. ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU WENT FULL RETARD REEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I'll help teachers I'm cool with though. And I'll generally help students out.

>>57941121
>using spoilers on g

>>57937376
This basiclly my life with my aunt and uncle's laptops
> first fix: crapwear cleaing.
> second : more crapwear.
> third : reseating ac port
> fourth: ditto on third.
> fifth: torn exhaust grille, battery not accepting charge on one, and second pc's HDD lost its MBR in the void.

How they level up on the damage scale baffles me.
Last one required repartitioning and reinstalling.
Well... at least they have windows 10 now, they can't possible fuck it up.

>>57941074
You need to clean it out.
You need to clean out your system.


Get of big bucket of water and mix it with salt, till you get salt water, place computer inside, and wait for results.

I'm doing one right now; the amd gpu drivers have just up and left. Device manager thinks there are two separate gpus in the machine. If this install fails I will hand it back to him and declare I want money to do more.

>>57937376

A dumb compu-anon hears
>Can you fix my computer?
And says, "Sure, whatever. Bring it here."

A smart compu-anon hears
>Can you fix my computer?
And replies, "That'll be $20, per hour if necessary."

A brilliant compu-anon hears
>Can you fix my computer?
And replies, "I'll build you a better one for $1000."

>be EE
>hey can you fix my TV?

>>57941477

Actually, as a fellow Electronics Engineer, I find it very profitable to just be like,
>"Nah, it's garbage. I'll give you $20 for the scrap."
Then actually fix it and sell it

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>"anon, why doesn't my phone work?"
>"I don't use Android, so I don't know"
>pull out my iPhone

>sister forgot laptop one day in trip
>comes home finds out dog pissed onit (the battery specifically)
>freaking out she calls me tells me if I can fix it because I built my own pc
>ask her where she bought it from and if it has warranty
>"best bu-"
say no mo
>took the SSD out the laptop and put it all back together
>for extra measure wiped my piss scent dick on a cotton ball and wiped it on the battery slot
>the best buy people never figured out why it didn't work they blamed mobo damage
>got a free SSD

>>57937376

Yeah except sometimes they actually LIKE some of the cancer that they have installed so you have to have a slow conversation going over all of the shit they have and if they want to keep any of it.

>>57937376
I do this for a living.

>remove malware
>connect printer to WiFi
>"my laptop won't connect to the internet"
>reinstall driver
>charge $70 an hour for this

>>57941887
u wot?

>>57937376
>several years ago
>sister rented a room out to some loser
>let him use her laptop
>guy does some fucked up shit and I get a call from her saying that there's "some shit on here that says FBI and child porn" all frantic and shit
>brings the computer to me
>should have fucking used gloves or something because I bet the dude was looking at the cheesy pizza
>figure out that it was ransomware
>have to format the entire fucking hard drive and reinstall the OS
>don't remember if I got paid or not

Fuck working for free.

>>57937732
>until you worked on it
Alright then, if you wanna be like that, I'll fuck your shit up even more. This is why USB kill switches exist. For assholes like your stepdad

>>57939399
Yeah good luck with that.

Most PC technicians charge upwards of $60 an hour.

So that little hundred bucks will make you look like an amateur.

>>57939781
>charging flat rate and not hourly
It's like you want to be broke.

>>57940455
Oh wow, your mom doesn't click the ads on TMZ or Daily Mail. Big fucking deal.

>>57940499
Say you're studying liberal arts. Then you'll just have to make the drinks.

>>57940851
>10 dollars
>10 fucking dollars
>1 0 dollars
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>57941074
"You're gonna need a new hard drive and that's gonna run at least $400. Take about a week"

>>57937772
You must have had a good mom, anon. Be thankful.

>>57941855
kek

>>57940851
>>57942720

Third-world pay my friend

>>57942809
CAD?

>>57941922
How long have you been doing it and what would you recommend for someone who's looking to get into this line of work?

>>57937376
Yep.

>Couple years back
>Aunt uses a Toshiba Satellite laptop that my little cousin uses to play Minecraft and stuff
>Tells me one day that it won't boot properly some times, and when it does internet doesn't work wireless nor wired and wants help with it
>Gives me the laptop for the day, myself expecting to be done within an hour or so
>Actual sticky keys with some dirt in between them, dirty screen with I assume dry snot and saliva
>Cleaned it, and removed dust inside for my sanity
>Boot up Kaspersky Rescue ISO and start scanning
>Surely it can't be that bad
>430 infected items
>Some malware ridden software; "christmas photo editor", several toolbars, roblox hacks, fake Minecraft account generator, fake steam gift card generator, a bunch of adware, basically anything a tech illiterate mom and 12 year old kid can throw at a computer
>nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
>after 3 attempts, boot into windows partition
>documented all programs installed and how everything looked, and what ones were actual malware
>backup documents/pictures on USB and scrub them clean with several antivirus/antimalware/antispyware/antirootkit/etc on a throwaway PC
>reformat the entire thing
>spend entire night making it look spiffy and "untouched" installing software previously installed that weren't viruses
>give it back to aunt/cousin around 3pm dead tired
>they're pleased
>$50

>>57942940
seems like too much work/effort for the payout

typically a nuke/reformat will suffice and let them sort out the intricacies

>>57942957
Ah well I had some fun with it, and they don't bother me anymore because I lectured them on why the hell it was a demon hellspawn after all that work.

Now all I have to deal with is my father who accidentally toggles the wifi switch every other week and calls me at 11pm to ask what happened to it.

bamp

>>57937376
>Aunt in law is always downloading malware
>I only play yahoo games on it anon!
>reformatted pc
>give her a guest account on her own pc
>give myself an administrator account
>only get called in to update flash

Worked out well for me. Windows update is always running and she's been running clean for a few years now.

>>57943263
Nigga wtf is an "aunt in law"

>>57943263
step 1
take away their admin rights

my mom complained at first when she "lost control" over her own computer but eventually accepted the fact it's the only thing keeping it running to this day

I occasionally remote desktop into the admin account to check things, but that's it

>>57943283
also I put her on chrome (blah blah one account) with ublock and https everywhere, hidden out of sight

>>57943291
why https?
how is that gonna protect your computer from virii?

>>57943374
The s is for secure, my nigga

>>57943382
does the s prevent your mom to download PcSpeederUpper 2013®?

>>57943418
Yep

>>57939748
Whenever I hear that I go fucking REEEEE (in my mind ofc :) )

Always charge money for work done to a computer.
Doing it for free just tells people that what you do has no value.

>>57943374
just a stopgap for her browsing habits
there's no reason not to and I know she won't go out of her way to do so

>>57943446
This

It shows that you're desperate.

>>57937376
>install windows 10 on an ssd
>it just werks

>>57937376
Not since I started telling them that I forgot everything I knew about windows and only know how to fix Linux systems. Then if they continue to insist I install Slackware and leave. I've never had anyone ask me for computer help again. They must all be so happy with Slackware since it's the perfect OS and never breaks and is super-easy to maintain.

>>57943520
If you didn't get paid for that, you're fucking retarded

https://youtu.be/7yFFBBFqe-E

>>57943596
They got a video on why you're a fucking pussy?

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>>57937732
>tfw dad tried to install honey select

>>57939721
P.S. I FUCKING HATE LINUX, IT FUCKED MY WIFE AND KILLED MY CHILDREN. I HATE IT SO MUCH, I'LL IGNORE THE POINT THIS ANON WAS TRYING TO MAKE AND TRY TO SOUND SMART!

>>57943603
Get raped and kill yourself, you retarded fucking faggot sack of nigger shit with down syndrome.

>play halo PC multi on the reg whenever i visited my grandparents
>always on their dialup P4 media pc that "the guy who lives on the corner" built for them
>its a really nice pc compared to our celeron piece of shit with onboard graphics at home
>always fixing it by removing my grandma's adware shit she installs or my grandpa downloading malware infested movies
>eventually they both get ipads
>here anon you can have our old computer
>set it up as a nostalgia machine
putting up with stupid shit has it's payoffs

>>57937376
Yes and i get paid

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>>57940851
>install basic problems
>for 10 dollars
5/5 curry right there

>>57938608
>installing my own hardware
woah are you a wizard?

>>57937755
Wait wait wait, are you saying you fell for the SSDs cant be defragged without exploding meme?