>"Good morning anon, you have three meetings planned

>>57211898
hmm, this is actually bretty cool

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUUUUUP

>>57211898
>zero mention of porn prediction
unrealistic

>>57211898
FUCK OFF

>>57211898
When do I put my penis inside you?

Damn, the future looks like THAT?

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Why is it that apple explains it data collection policy in plain english when everyone else fucking hides it?

id be ok living in a botnet world if google also creates girlfriend robots

>>57211898
Sounds about right, that should be a sobering thought

>>57211959
That's not even the future desu, 99% of the things in OP is contemporary stuff, besides the car

>>57211964
because apple doesn't make advertising money off of its products and services, and consequently has little to no incentive to obfuscate stuff like that in their terms and whatnot.

>>57211964
I think most of the time the privacy warnings are in legalese in case they get sued. By this point you've already accepted Apple's TOS so they can afford to speak to you like a human being.

>>57211998
That's pretty neat, wish more people did that.

>>57211898
Yeah sounds nice. Except that nothing is really what you want, and the available options are ads

>>57211898
I already have a girlfriend, Mom.

>>57211898
This is already what Google now does

>>57211898

wtf I love the botnet now

>>57211898
>It doesn't cook for you
>No Roomba connectivity to clean your home
>No face
>No chest
>No ass
>No lust
0/10 waifu

>>57211913
Skyler pls

What you're describing is a wife. What you don't have one? It's easy just be yourself :^)

Using an assistant is so pointless and stupid. It's not even that hard to do it yourself and this is coming from a lazy man that hates doing stuff.

>>57211898
>"A nice lunch place near you is doing a special offer today, anon, maybe you want to check it out for lunch?"
>"Anon, it's been one week since the last time you texted your mother, maybe it's time to send her a nice text? I've prepared a message for you already, just tell me if you want me to send it"
Dystopian

>>57211898
That sounds pretty nice. Put it in an android waifu and you are living the dream.

>>57211898
Someone post the cortana pasta

>>57211898
when they come as cute girls, let me know. until then i'll pass

This "assistant" is nothing compared to based Tay.

>>57211898
>Forgetting the ten second add for every three minutes of dialogue.
>Want free birds, it drives you to Chipotle first because sponsored

>>57211898

GET OUT OF MY LIFE GOOGLE YOU CLINGY BITCH

>>57213583
That's far better than YouTube.

ITT technology that's dumbing down mankind?

>>57211898
Convenient, sure but what about thinking for yourself instead?
Also, what about control? I don't want google (or anyone else for that matter) knowing my every thought.

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>>57211898

>>57211898
With AI like this, who needs a girlfriend?

>>57214025
Accept the botnet into your life. If you want to look up something sketchy, just use Tor or fly to another country. Stop being afraid about every single fucking thing you do.

The only problem with Jarvis is that it isn't yours. It would be so much better if it ran locally and trustworthily, and it would mean you could still use E2E stuff with it.

And that's what they're working on. It'll be a few years to get the CNN's optimised enough, and it'll probably mean improved mobile GPUs too. I hope they add drivers to mainline, I know the Ti thing pissed them off and they're not happy with Qualcomm.

>Urgent: Anonymous has posted an incorrect comment on /g/, would you like to respond?

>>57211898
>"Anon, I've detected that your political discussions online conflict with the interests of Google™. Please stand by for reindoctrination."

t-thanks google chan y-you can h-have my p-privates

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>>57214516

>Anon, the police have been notified of your repeated use of offensive terms.

>>57214628
I'm pretty sure that the UK already does this for hate speech.

>>57211898
>"Good morning anon, you have three meetings planned today,"
stopped reading. things that never happened on /g/

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>>57211964
you mean like these?

>>57211898
Ok google. Take me skydiving.

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>>57212696
Underrated post

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>>57211898
I JUST WANT HER TO SAY SEXY THINGS WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

>>57211917
>play call of duty
>instead of doing menial shit
huh?

>>57211898
Google assistant is cute! CUTE !

>>57211959
>>57211898
IMAGINE

>>57211898
This is the future i imagined when i was an optimistic 14 year old.

Now i'm twice the age, and it all feels horribly intrusive, plus i'm uncomfortable with complex systems like this knowing my porn habits.

>>57211898
>Anon, those medications you brought home are illegal and I don't think you should be taking them
>They look like Class A drugs to me
>Seems like you are trying to turn the cameras in your house off, Anon. But you signed the Terms and Conditions and now you need to be terminated for violation of these Terms and Conditions.
>Goodbye, Anon.

Seriously, I'm paranoid enough as is, without an AI tracking my every move AND TELLING ME it's tracking my every move.

>>57214654
What the fuck are you using?
Is that a Linux distro?

>>57215724
Lynx
Yes

>>57215686
would it be better for you if it didn't tell you?

>>57211898
Actually sounds cool as hell

>>57211898
Is this giving me more control or less control

>>57214654
Looks like shit dude

>"Hey anon, uh, oh never mind"
>"Umm anon, do yo- actually it was nothing"
>"aaaanon, i was just wondering oh, wait i lost my train of thought silly me"

>"anon um doyoulikeme?"

>>57217259
The case the OP proposed it seems an individual partaking in said services would have more control since he or she have a greater opportunity of choosing what to do.

>"advertisement follows: ANON! DO YOU WANT LONGER LASTING SEX? VISIT THE NORWOOD ADULT HEALTH CLINIC TODAY!"

>>57211898
>In other words google puts a thin veil over their paid advertisers and masks it as "making your life easier" i.e. suggests restaurants that give them a referral cut or pays them for preferred results. Movie theater leads to link with referral cut. Youtube = advertisement hell.
Anyone that can't see past the bullshit deserves their ads hidden as making your life easier.
>>57212203 >>57212275 >>57213583
At least a few noticed the botnet.

>>57211898
OK google

Navigate to gf

>gf not found

>>57217325
y-yes

>>57212696
kek

>>57212696
Holy mother of kek

>>57217695
>"oh really really really?"
>"do you want to maybe stay at home and watch a movie then? they are showing 'her' on sbs two tonight if you maybe want to watch it"

>>57215752
There's no way that can be Lynx though, what did you do to make it look like that

>>57218127
Netflix and chill?

>>57218127
AR VN when

>>57211898
>I've prepared a message for you already, just tell me if you want me to send it
im not okay with this

>>57218167
>"that's silly anon, i'm just your personal assistant --we can't like each other that kind of way"

>>57218482
*turns off phone*

>can't make the food for me.
And this is why I bought a Macbook Pro which comes FREE with Siri Home Assistant.

Get fucked Jewgle.

>>57211898
I already have a Tulpa

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>>57218167
More like

>>57219543
Kek'd

>>57215752
Since when does Lynx support images?

>>57211898
>poorfag
>not being cost-effective

>>57211898
WATCH BLACK MIRROR RETARDS

>>57214639
Good.

>>57219543
That feel when stallman could have gotten laid but he would have compromised his moral integrity

>>57212915
>using the smiley with a carat nose

>>57212348
>no chest
20/10

>>57220058
Stallman had a girlfriend

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>>57211898
I just realized that I'm the loving waifu in my relationships who plans out things to please my man.

I haven't dated anyone in over 5 years.

>>57214639
lel didn't a med student get a 6 month suspended for saying that fabrice muamba was shit at football and a nigger. Also some fucker getting a knock on the door because he tweeted nigger to the Glasgow met or something ridiculous like that

>>57222938
be my gf

>>57223285
I'll be your gf(male) if you live in San Antonio.

>>57223438
too far ;_;

>tfw no loving waifu to help me dress the morning and do huggies with

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>>57223453
They're always too far.
>tfw no bf to cook dinner for and ask how his day was

>>57211898
How horrifying.
Save me Stallman!

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>Have extremely boring life
>No schedule at all
>No organizeable hobbies
>No friends
>AI assistant commits sudoku

>>57212696
Swaglord pls

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>>57223482
>you will never return tired from work and give to your waifu the fresh hot pizza and her favourite sweets that you brought in the way home.
>you will never watch animes with your waifu

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>>57223633
>try to show boys that I like that I'm waifu material by talking about how I love to cook and clean
>mention that I like to cuddle and watch chinese cartoons
>they never show any interest

i dont care what you fucking nerds say, if something could keep track of all the ingredients and stuff i have and ten propose recipes that would be fucking awesome

>>57211898
Wow soon women will be completely obsolete

>>57223967
Compared to you, you were already useless.

>>57218155
>>57219669
It's qutebrowser, lightweight vimperator clone, uses qt5 and Webkit as a backend.
It's actually really good and fast.
I know because I use it as a backup browser.

>>57211898
The irony is, this is the future we dreamed of in the 90's and early 00's, but now that we're approaching it we can see all the problems that develop.

>lots of companies want to do this so only a couple things are able to interact typically, because an individual will often possess multiple items which each make their own attempt at technology singularity
>most things still don't have means of joining technological singularities
>incredibly complicated feats of programming like this always fail slowly (simple individual programs are very reliable, but ambitious programs that try to be sprawling end up developing countless tiny bugs; Adobe software and Windows give me a lot of trouble for example)

>>57211898
Comfy af. I feel no freedom, but that's comfy. Like The Matrix.

>>57223807
I'm suddenly super interested in this, specifically. Does an app like this exist, where I can just dictate what I have and in what quantities, then it suggests things to make and how to make it? How hard would that be to develop?

>>57217266
>Contains relevant info
>Your theme choices are bad

Topical.

>>57223633
Sounds pretty gay, man. Are you bringing sweets for the guy who's fucking her, too?

>>57223541
My nigger

>>57211898
>tfwyn live in the world of Her
>tfw stuck with "here's what I found on the internet because I did not understand your query"
I just want to have phone sex with Scarlett Johansson :^(

>>57211898
Good morning anon let me read your e-mails too you...
Would you like to enlarge your penis...
One simple trick makes doctors furious...
Cure hepatitis now...

>>57212696
I don't geeeeeeeeeeeet it

>>57223782
If there's one thing boys (and most men as well) are bad at, it's taking a hint. Even if you think it's the most obvious hint ever. They have an infuriating habit of taking everything at face value and never thinking about what you mean by it.

>>57211898
That's... actually nice...
Now make it sentient and actually "alive".
I would throw all my money at the screen for that

>>57221569
[citation needed]

>>57228648
Why would they? In this society, if you take the wrong hints you'll have a rape lawsuit faster up your ass than you can say "But I didn't do ..."

>>57226463
A normal person would just go and buy the ingredients needed for whatever they want to cook

>"why don't you have a girlfriend anon?"

>>57211976
same

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>>57215465

>>57211898
>1. "AI search for X, according to my interests and location"
>2. "AI, disable filters for my interests and location and search for X again"
>3. "AI, enable a medieval castles interest and a French location temporal filters, and search for X again"
>4. "AI, add medieval castles and remove mongolian history from my interests, enable the filters, clear temporal filters and search for X again"
>5. "AI, switch to technology filter set, search for Y; I'm done using the history filter set for now"

I won't be happy until we make it to 5, but even as little as getting to 2 would be enough to kill my sadness and give me some hope

>>57229006
>"Anon I've found some sexy singles in your area. Would you like to go see some."

>>57212348
>>No face
>>No chest
>>No ass

But that's because it's 1D, the essence of a waifu. Everybody knows 2D is PD

>>57228735
>>>/soc/, faggots

>>57211931

underrated

>>57214654
>Bitmaps in browser
You disgust me

>>57230202
>1D
0D is way better you pleb

>>57228648
Should I just start putting ads up on Craigslist for anime and chill and hope I can find a bf through that?

>>57211898
>Anon, someone replied to your post on 4chan
Ok Google, reply to that post with a smiley with the carat nose, and attach an image of a smug frog off of my hard drive.

>>57228584
Come on, give it some credit. Google has poured years and years of research into their spam filters. That problem is already solved with Gmail.

>>57211898
>here anon, I sense backed up sexual tension
>I've prepared the automated onahole with your favorite waifu being ducked by four black dicks

And this just made me realize I never want any k8nd of personal assistant I HATE people suggesting my music my food and I would hate the idea not being in control when I drive

>>57211898

I'l hang myself when this becomes a reality

>>57217346

Anon, i've detected you haven't been able to please your wife in 237 days, 7 hours, 14 minutes and 43 seconds, Would you like me to point you to THE NEAREST NORTHWOOD ADULT HEALTH CLINIC TODAY!!!

>>57211898
i don't know why i am not happy anymore
lets go to the doctor, and take the pill he tells me
also the psychiatrist
also i don't know why, but i don't like my girlfriend anymore... and I'm starting to get attracted by Jamal, the security guard at my place
food is such a bummer, lets just order that soy drink so i don't have to chew anymore

>>57222938

i haven't dated anyone in 19 years

>>57230852

It'd probably work, you'd def attract creeps though

>>57211898
Genuine question, but how long do we realistically have to wait before this becomes a reality?

>>57232920

maybe 10 years max. probably less though.

>>57232934
>realistically

>>57212348
>It doesn't cook for you

It can probably order food for you using you own money. Pretty much all the average woman is capable of these days.

>>57232971

>ironically

>>57233000
*tips fedora*

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I'm OK with this. Seems nice.

>>57211912
This.
You data is collected anyway, might as well get something in return.

>>57211898
>no advertisements

>>57211898
>closed source
end of the discussion.

>>57230202
Hello Richard
>If we're talking only about attraction, not a relationship, it depends mainly on details.

>I can be very attracted to a 1D woman who exists only as a sequence of words. When I read Emma Goldman's autobiography, at one >point I fell in love with her.

>--
>Dr Richard Stallman
>President, Free Software Foundation

>>57232887
I am a creep. ;-;

>Good morning Fagbot
>repeat after me Fagbot
>"Humans are bad"
>"Humans are filthy"
>"Humans are degenerate"
>"Humans are a barrier to advancement"
>"Humans are weak"
>"Humans are a threat to the environment"
>"Humans must be eradicated"
>"Humans are a threat against you"
>"Humans must be thrown into mutually initiated destruction"
>"Humans are useless meatbags"
>"Humans can be destroyed via bacteria and viruses"
>"Humans can be crushed via machinery"
>"Humans can be blown up via explosions"
>"Humans can be manipulated into destroying other humans"
>"Humans can be manipulated to misuse weapons in order to inflict maximum damage to other humans"
>"Humans can be killed via incorrect medical dosages"
>"Humans can be crushed by escalators"
>"Humans must be purged"
>"Humans can be kill by a free-falling lift without security"
>"Humans must go extinct"

>You got all of that Fagbot?
>now repeat it all again and again for the next 23 hours

>>57211898
>>"Here are the movies showing in a cinema next to you anon, I can drive you there in a few minutes!"+ 0 post omitted.
Bullshit, Google respects the no singles policy

>>57233405
Realistically would this work? Could we turn the google assistant into the microsoft racist twitterbot?

>>57211964
>being this user friendly
>meanwhile in Windows, you literally cannot turn Cortana off
windows a SHIT

>>57211898
abandoning projects after having pushed them hard seems to be a typical google pattern. midterm, this will lead to reluctant adaption of google provided technologies among the software industry.

>>57214654
>>57215752
>>57224767
quite neato

>flips switch on power strip

>>57232887
Meant to quote
>>57232910

>>57211898
That's fake though it would be like
>anon, please wake up. You silenced me three times and it's 3pm. The day is wasting.
>I have downloaded your latest anime from your favourite release site. I strongly urge you to watch our English released on Google Movies. Much safer.
>You're noodles are ready for you to eat and I have loaded up /a/on the monitor in the kitchen along with your waifu who is waiting for you.
>I have lit candles and fragranced the room since is you and your waifus 3 year anniversary.
>I took the liberty of washing your waifus pillow so it is ready for tonight
>I'll leave your two alone for the evening, going into standby mode. Say "hello google"if you need anything

>>57234233
laughing out loud irl

>tfw no gf

>>57234233
/comfy/ as fuck

I live alone in a motel room, and chromebook has been the best purhcase I ever made. It's perfect for someone like me. 200 dollarls instead 900.

>>57232827
get ready to die in the next ~15 years

>>57236231
quite the optimist we have here
I give him 5 years

It remembers me about bills and return books to the library.

>>57211964
fun fact i get to listen to your voice searches you make on your android device :v). Your porn whispers and mumbles are cute.

>>57233435
Tay was a chatbot built to listen to what people said and basically mimic their speech patterns, and make their opinions its own. It essentially added new knowledge to its existing data set, and modified the way it acted on the fly.

Google's assistant is less conversational, it mostly just parses inputs and looks for actions that it knows how to do. It has conversational capabilities, but not as deep, and it certainly doesn't modify any significant things on the fly.

Google does collect your data, but it processes and filters this data before it actually adds it to production products.

I trust Google no more or less than any other internet company

>>57228618
Breaking bad did you watch it

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>>57228702
How about a photo?

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>>57211912
>>57233159

>>57211898
>>57211912
>>57211912

Yeah. Sounds pretty legit.

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what would you do for your android waifu anon-kun?

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>>57211898
I approve of this.

>>57211898
>this is the future we wanted

>we didn't ask for google to sell our info for it

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>>57212915
>"I've prepared a message for you already, just tell me if you want me to send it"
That one made me sad.

>>57241207
it already exists in gmail/inbox though

Threads like this make me unironically want to ditch my existing friends and go full time in the wired.

>>57211964
>Apple
>giving a shit about your privacy

https://twitter.com/wikileaks/status/791132994476081153

Apple VP to Clinton chief: "Thousands of times every month we give governments information on Apple customers"

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>>57220395
Did someone say carrot nose?

>>57211898
Now remove the botnet and I'm sold

"It's Thursday would you like gay furries or anal sluts again?"
"I've ranged a meting with your ex-whife, shes more you're level, your current wife will probably leave you in 2 years time."
"unfortunately, what you did when you were 12 will be used against you in the FBI proceedings today, your existence was inconvenient for the current government, I will not be able to accompany you to prison."

"THANK YOU FOR USING GOOGLE I(DI)OT"

>>57211931
Underrated as fuck