>gym bard is going away to compete in a national powersinging

>>42843793
>gym bans weighted jousting

>save my shillings for weeks
>go to apothecaria and aquire the powder of gains
>Swole_as_fuarke.parchment
>Gym Gendarmerie take note
>Put to the stockades for two weeks for witchcraft and receive a banishment from all areas owned by the natty crown
>Forced to lift in Manlet pits now

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>a bodybuilder, a crossfitter, and an oly lifter walk into a barbell

>>42843806
>Gymcor salesmen trying to shill their pathetic Joustron-5000 machines as an alternative to 'dangerous' freeweight jousting.
Fuck that shit, they'd have to take another deadlift platform out to accommodate for a single Joustron.

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>gymstapo investigating me for distributing Jason Blaha propaganda
I'm not sure if I'm going to survive this

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>gym twink was medically discharged from service
>tfw you're now the smallest at the gym

>>42843842
>the first two trip

>gym funeral pyre for Rich Piana still burning
>gym filled with smoke, supplicants to the Shrine are throwing 8 scoops a day (each!) onto the flame
>fire marshal tried to intervene but he was technically a manlet so they threw him into the pit, and his supple outsider body was soon torn asunder for protein by the veteran manlets
>the replacement fire marshal (non-manlet) tried to stop it as well but as he was crossing the gym floor he slipped on a discarded container of Rich Piana's "knocked the fuck out" sleep aid, hitting his head and falling into a coma. At some point his body was removed, but due to the smoke no one could tell when or who did it
>most of the gym staff and customers have fled to escape the smoke, only a few of us remain
>each day we emerge, blinking at the sun, our skins darkened with ash
>each night we return, to lift and throw more scoops onto the shrine
>and as we lift, sweating and choking in the thick clouds of smoke, a soft "one day you may" can be heard as a whisper beneath the crackle of the fires and the clanging of the weights

>do entire training cycle with gym cleric's +10% buff to quad strength
>went for squat PR based on e1rm yesterday
>cleric wasn't there
>tried anyway
Typing this from a hospital bed. Fuck you Tim.

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>new guy at the gym
>interrupts me in the middle of my squats
>ask the dumb asshole if he's a cleric
>tells me he's just checking out the place and looking for some advice
>point to the top of the manlet pit and say I think I saw a chad drop his gains over there somewhere
>dumbass goes over to inspect, kick him down the hole
>hear him land, short snaps of manlet bones breaking
mfw

>>42844626

Butiful

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>gainsgoblins recieve a buff to statpoints stolen on hit
>They took 5 quad-points when i was attempting a pr and as a result, the gym palladin took 5 inches from my height
>technically a manlet now, banished to the pit
>at least the goblins have a lower spawnrate down here

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>gym is going through budget issues
>can no longer afford deodorant for the manlet pits
It hurts to lift.