>gym queen laid another batch of eggs >contractually obligated

>>42760417
Why not just subcontract it to the gym twink? Lord knows they need the extra work.

>nofap day 17
>at gym, doing bench press
>gym trap sits on my lap while doing them
>cum and instantly lose all my testosterone
>weight I had is now too heavy and I choke to death
shotgunpepe.bmp

>>42760471
Who would be in the gym gloryhole then?

Does anyone have the pasta where a gym noble takes a plate from a gym knight and then they crush his hands on the lat pull down?

>>42760417
>gym bee keeper called in sick
>i have to take over his duty for the day
>everything going fine, collecting lots of gains honey
>suddenly a stray dumbbell appears
>trip and fall, dropping entire crate of bees into manlet pit
>short screams echo throughout the gym
>leave like nothing happened
how was your day fit?

>>42760417
>haven't seen a gym thread like this is a while
>they keep getting more and more ridiculous and hilarious

> some lefties started lifting at my gym
> Talking about the swole left and all that dumb shit
> Made no gains, only used machines, cardio, and Crossfit bullshit
> Got jealous of righty lifters making gains with free weights
> Started revolution to redistribute gains
> Half the gym currently in the hospital for malnutrition

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>Doing OHP in the squat rack
>gym watchtower shines spotlight on me

>tfw you've been assigned glory hole duty for three months in a row.

>bodyweight radicals burn down the blacksmiths forge
>threw the last of the barbells and dumbbells into the manlet pit
>manlets now getting extremely jacked while everyone topside is stuck doing pull ups and push ups
>yesterday one escaped the pit and bludgeoned the 5'10 receptionist to death
>everyone on edge

why the fuck did they need to fuck everything up

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>>42760417
>gym manager wants me in his office
>he congratulates me for my gym numbers this month
>we celebrate with a couple of lines on the desk

>manlet uprising failed
>the tallmen took away the squat rack in the manlet pit as punishment

we just want to be RESPECTED god FUCking dAMn

>>42760490
It's in the /fit/ humor thread

>>42761180
>not doing 3x7 height exercises until you are tall enough to leave
when will they learn?

>chest and tricep day
>triceps looking swole
>head to the locker room
>nobody around
>take off shirt and start flexing
>start dirty talking to myself
>"Oh you're so fucking big you dirty slut"
>hear girlish giggling
>look around and see the gym twink
>"Well I didn't say stop, Anon! You know you're pretty cute"
>Me: "Y-you too"
>"Haha. You know you have a way of words"
>he comes closer to me, touching my muscles
>my hands instinctively reach for his hips, grabbing his juicy ass in one hand and his upper hips in the other
>girly moans fill the air as she gasps and moans
>we make our way to the showers biting each other's lip in the process
>"Oh anon" she says as gasps for air
>we turn on the water, as we start tugging on each other's clothes
>I remove her shirt, revealing her soft perky chest
>she pushes me up against the wall, whispering "Don't you dare touch anything" as she bites my ear lobe
>she slowly walks away seductively as she starts pulling on her tight shorts
>after a long tease, she bends over, and slowly pulls down her tight shorts
>I catch something that made me gag horribly
>I run out of the shower in panic
>she asks me where I'm going
>I yell "You have a fucking vagina" as I pack my things and leave
Seriously. Who fucking does that?

>>42761015
>only lifting with one side of your body to make some stupid political point
this is how i know you'll never make it, anon

>>42761930

unfunny post and doesn't even fit the thread.

0/10 better luck next time

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>>42761986
>not training right arm and cardio ONLY
>not running down manlets and throwing them into the pit
why even bother making it bro?

>>42760491
>short screams

mein seids

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>>42760417
>the gym's chthonic horror from beyond the stars got loose in the toilet again
>can't take a leak without the sounds of eldritch defilement screeching in my ear
>Bob went into a stall by accident and came out a mind controlled servant of the Old Ones
>management still refuses to perform an exorcism

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>>42762116
Mfw

>Gonna try for a new squat PR, need to get IN THE ZONE
>Tip the gym DJ a 2.5 lb plate to put on my PR track
>Gym hype man gets in on this, whipping up the crowd for my PR attempt
>Unrack the bar in the Rippetoe approved Low Bar (tm) position
>Take a big fucking breath and brace
>Stacies admiring my throbbing posterior chain
>Descend
>At the bottom of the squat, I catch a glimpse of the gym twink's tight, feminine glutes in tiny shorts (no homo)
>Get distracted, lose tightness, fail the rep hard
>Entire gym groans
>Gym clown follows me around for the rest of my workout making sad honking noises

I don't know if I can go back

>>42761930
>she
Ruined it

>>42761930
Top kek

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>gym yakuza want to 'talk' again
>something about not tipping the bathroom man

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>Put my money into the plate dispenser machine
>Plates start moving
>2nd plate doesn't fall off the rack
>No assistant there because I'm working out at 3am to avoid the gym bully
>Decide to shake the machine to get my plate out
>alarms go off instantly and gym police swoop in instantly pinning me to the ground
>don't believe my excuse, punish me using the gain gun
>lose my last 4 weeks of gains

WHY ME

>>42761180
My sides, thank you anon

>>42761020
underrated

>>42760417
>clint eastwood got loose from his cage in the gym again
>keeps calling everyone a "fucking gook"
>slathered himself in cardio before he got loose so no one wants to touch him
>eventually force him onto the smith machine
>his face melts like the scene out of the lost ark

>>42760417
>>42760491
>>42761015
>>42761092
>>42761180
>>42762116
>>42762213
>>42762700
>>42762757
I dont know what the fuck this is, but i want more of it.

>>42760491
>manlets
>short screams
Literally crying.

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>doing overhead press
>french coach tells me to stop doing battle maneuvers

>>42760417
>gym waiter brought me bulk of dirty plates
I told him I was on a cut

angryfrog33.jpg

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>>42760417
>>42760484
>>42760491
>>42761015
>>42761092
>>42761142
>>42761930
These all can't be real, right?

>>42762894
Kek
E
K

>>42761180
>Tfw walk into the gym
>Immediately see that all squat racks are taken (because I see over everyone's heads)
>No big deal, I just grab two manlets and have them struggle to hold my heavy barbell up while I unrack it off them

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>gym butler has come down with typhus
>too sick to escort me to gym
>have to put weights on barbell myself like some common peasant
>mfw I catch other gym Dukes looking at me with disgust

>Walk into gym
>Gym cries rape for entering her without consent

>>42762757
Kek

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>>42760417
>accidentally repped over the service interval of my barbell
>fined 2 months of gains

>>42760417
>tissue paper falls out of my shoes in middle of gym
>Tall men alert the Warden
>Warden smells the 5' 11.5 on me
>sentenced to manlet pit without parole

>Lift bellbar
>The ringing this causes awakens the belldumbs
>The belldumbs are angry
>Having found the source of the disturbance that woke them they charge at me
>Machine Smith is there to protect me and as I am racking squats.
>He grabs the rolled foam, unrolls it
>Inside lies the legendary mark tittyrips, thought to have been lost to the ages
>He grabs mark tittyrips by the hilt.
>A feint trumpeting can be heard in the distance, like an echoe
>"A milk of gallon a day a day adayayay....."
>With one fell swoop Smith cuts down the belldumbs.
>I put down the bellbar
>I look up
>I see several dead manlets on the floor, a trashed smith machine with its bar removed, it is bloody and inserted into a foam roll to form a makeshift sword, my squatrack is hogging all the weights which seems to be the cause of the conflict, then I remember I have been doing GOMAD.
>Never do GOMAD.

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>gains goblin follows me to the gym
>marks all the weights down by 10lbs
>know his tricks and go higher
>gym monitor reprimands me for lifting too heavy
>restricted to machines for the rest of the month

>>42761020

Better quickly transition to frontsquats. Punishment for skipping leg day is much less harsh than OHP in squat rack

>doing barbell flyes
>gym TSB inspectors stop me
>they want to see my flight authority
>they think I've been fudging my maximum weight reports
They caught me on a warm up set, so I was able to fend them off, for now, by rambling on about ultralight exemptions, but they'll be back.

>>42761930
>>42762481
I like how gender pronouns changed in the middle, kek

>>42760417
>just finished falcon jamboree at the kinoplex
>decide to stop by gymnatorium for a quick workout
>start on the sledgehammer + tire station, get a good sweat going
>realize I forgot to tip the gym bard
>his penalty tune renders my sphincter worthless for a week

Rough day boys.

>gym troll got pissed off because everyone guesses his riddles
>started doing them in mime and beatboxing sounds
>nobody has been in the gym for 3 weeks
Atleast the passage is guarded by the platemage because the gain goblins would attack on sight without the shield of protein™

Er sagt zu mir: "run to the hills run for your life"
En ik zebra vervolgens teen hem: "hah, fuck off makker, met me vieze Anglo kop"
But he would leave poor favor. Zolang ik in de squatrack stand blijf er wille not not iron maide uitdoen. Also inch moeten leave the rack. Schooner can not find so Ik ga naakt deer gym hit AHAHAHAH. ALLE SEE ME SO, ALLE HAHAH.
Wallah habibi ik zweer on your mutti I will attack ATTACK LIKE WOMEN AND COWARDS RU. RUN RUN RU. RUN FLR YOUR LIFE HAHAHA.

>>42761020

>>42763269
o im laffin

>>42760491
>short screams
It's the simple things

Two moons ago one of the long men dropped a strange canister into the Pit during our weekly sacrifice. This was likely intended to start a fight for his amusement, which we all knew but fought regardless. I caved in a mans skull with a bent lat pull down bar and took the gift for my own. I can no longer fully comprehend the runes that adorn it, but it seems to read that this is the essence of Creation. It is a white powder which I have consumed daily by mixing it into my blood ration, and has empowered me with greater strength then I knew existed. I have fashioned a power rack and can now bench the entirety of the free weights that I have accumulated (a barbell, 5 Large disks, 2 medium disks, 2 small disks, and one tiny disk). The long men jeer that it doesn't count because even my full movements are short, but I can see the fear in their eyes. The grasp of gravity loses its grip on me more every day.

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>>42761020

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>tipped the gym receptionist today

>be a manlet
>want to avoid manlet tax by pretending I'm taller than I am
>walk past the gym receptionist on tip toes
>save myself 5,9%

>>42762933
Not bad lad

>guy at the gym who normally stocks the towels has been out sick for a few days now
>all the spiders got out of the drawer he kept them in, crawled out of the gym under the fucking door
>without the spider silk to weave new towels they've started washing and handing out the old ones

Fucking disgusting.

>gym trickster makes me solve starting strength sudoku to access the squat rack
>it's unsolvable because only contains numbers1, 3 and 5

>be country boy, just moved to big city for uni
>first day of new gym
>the uni gym has no horse parking lot
>no milk dispenser in sight in the gym

these threads are never, ever funny

>>42761180

Fucking lost it.

>try GOMAD
>pissed off at everything
>try SS
>develop irresistible attraction to older women
>try cutting
>forced to see gym therapist
nothing works

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>stumble when walking to the gym measuring stick
>don't straighten up in time
>measure a measly 6'3" and get instantly consigned to the manlet pits
>they threaten to gnaw my toes off if I don't let them use my arms as a pull up bar

>>42760417
>gym concierge didnt take my duffel at the door
>had to walk all the way to the locker rooms and put it away myself

what the hell am i paying so much for?

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>gym talent show night
>spotlight lands on me and gym announcer announced anon will now show off his barbell flies
>can't balance barbells because nervous
>drop them everywhere
>could only muster up a "whoops that went bananas"
>everyone laughs
>burst into treats and run off stage

>>42760417
>gym spider built it's web at the cable machine
>try to do some chest flyes anyway
>get stuck in the web and he sucks out all of my gains

>>42760502
>implying we're joking

Man im new to this boars but fuck me theres some batshit shit in these threads, not sure if top or not but im lovin' it!

>>42762866
>>42762914
>>42765722
>>42766171
rello r*ddit

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>>42760417
>decide to throw a map into the gym portal device
>map is unidentified so I don't know the modifiers on the map
>load up 1 pl8 bench for warmup
>instantly break my arms attempting to push bar off rack
>OH FUCK GYM MAP HAS PHYSICAL REFLECT ON IT
>bar falls and crushes my windpipe
>life flask does nothing
>resurrect in town
>mfw

>>42763280
Nice Google translate.

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>>42766044
come back anytime

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>be manlet
>working my ass off in manlet pits
>recently got moved up to the proton mines
>life's finally going upwards for me
>think I'm about to see some decent gains
>Overseer Brad hits me up at the end of the day and tells me Lord Chad has imposed a 40% tax on all gains made in the manlet pits and associated sections
>end up giving 60% because Brad said he'd put me back to cleaning the fatass hovels if I didn't contribute
ENOUGH, I'VE FUCKING HAD IT, REVOLUTION NOW

>>42760484
>.bmp
uuuuh???

>Get assigned to be weight area rat catcher
>feeling tired from chest day, so put down poison and call it a day
>come back the next day
>see a bearded manlet running out as I'm about to enter, yelling something about rakogri
>turns out I'd mixed the poison up with Creatine
>it takes the gym witch hunter days to clear them all out
>I only escape punishment because they ate the contents of the manlet pit before anyone noticed them

>>42765861
>try IF
>locked in place until a THEN argument is defined

>>42763269
Fucking gold

>>42762213
>not pledging fealty to the Old Gods
>not using Forbidden Lifts to overthrow the gym paladins

>enter the gym through the airlock
>take my falcon Hippias to the roost room
>I recognize a couple of the birds there, as they belong to my gym buddies
>walk through the market trying not to draw attention, as I don't want the merchants to start bartering with me
>one of the biggest guys in my gym is waiting for the butcher to slaughter a post-workout goat for him, and I give him a nod as I proceed deeper to the gym
>"You like what you see?" one of the prostitutes says teasingly as I walk past her, but I don't care
>I'm not wasting any precious, protein filled sperm for a harlot; that would ruin my nearly autarkic protein economy
>As I walk down the hallway, I can already hear the commands from the gramophones: "Concentric, eccentric."
>I pass through the door of the inner sanctum
>as I have a Platinum Card™, I'm allowed to use all of the equipment and weights
>I see a young lad finishing a set of squats
>he only has a Silver Card™ hanging from his neck, so I would be fully within my rights to tell him I'm using the rack now
>however, I see too much of my former self in the young boy, so I decide to let him finish his sets without interrupting him
>I know my workout plan says that squats are the first exercise, but the gains police of the gym is a bro-tier fellow, so he wouldn't probably even mind if he found out
>do leg press instead, and hit a new 13 rep PR
>we're all gonna make it

>>42766636
The best one.

>be me going to gym
>just got a new leather jacker
>enter locker room
>some juicer stares me down as i walk in
>ignore him, find a free locker
>turn around
>he's still staring at me
>he says "hey buddy i think you got the wrong door." and says something about a club, didn't really catch it
>burst out "fuck you"
>he says "fuck you letterman"
>mfw i'm david letterman

>plate cone pattern attendant began rearranging them mid-set

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>>42762951
>only having one butler

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>At local, overcrowded gym
>50+ people in a small area, hot as fuck
>Another 100 manlets in the 10x10 feet manletpit
>Hear chanting from the pit and see a lot of movement and scurrying around my feet
>Finish my pushday early, dont think much of it
>Next day, the manletpit has grown
>It´s now a manlethill
>Made out of dumbells, plates and used needles
>Manlets scurrying around in lines around the gym looking for material for the hive
>I hear short grunts as I look down to see a lmao1plaet move as by itself, supported by a dozen manlets underneath
>The receptionist is trying to fight them off with the fire extinguisher
>It is of no use
>The hill has grown to almost the height of a man
>Angry chants and the stomping of hundreds of highheel boots is heard from inside it
>Then it emerges
>A manlet so large it could almost swing for my head
>They fucking fused into one
>The creature stomps and yells incoherently about sucessful short moviestars
>I run for cover as it begins to throw weights
>Receptionist is killed by a flying barbell
>The creature storms out of the gym and into the streets
>I run home and watch for news about the incident
>A newschopper is hovering around what used to be gold´s gym
>It is now a nest made of all kinds of scrap from the gym and streets around it
>The chopper circles around, filming as the military is approaching the structure
>The leading general appreciates their numbers to have exceeded the rest of mankind
>The general turns as sudden commotion breaks out around the hive
>Camera zooms in at a hundred manlets carrying what looks like a rag on a stick atop the hill
>A hundred tiny grunts is heard as a very short flag (5'10) is raised on it´s top, letters of blood spelling out three words
>"GROW GROW GROW"

>>42766201
hello re*ddit!

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>>42767612
jesus christ

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>can't use the cable machines because the cables are tangled
>ask the gym topologist to untangle them
>he says it's already untangled under ambient isotopy

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>>42768319
Now this is dank

>>42760491
>short screams
Kekked hard

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>>42767612

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>>42763070
platinum kek

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somebody got that pic with big lenny?
"The lenny workout vs genova piss session" or something

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I always enjoy these threads. Last time I wrote a long series of lovecraftian existential gym horror greentexts.

>>42760491
This is why I visit this website, thank you so much.

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>wake up
>drink a liter of BCAA water
>penguin walk to kitchen and eat a dozen eggs and two cups of oats
>inject myself with steroids
>hop into my bentley
>snort pre-workout
>start hearing voices
>
>DIIIIIICK
>TODAY IS THE DAYYYYYY
>
>smile as I truly make it, unconcerned with my mortal body as it doesn't matter anymore

>>42769922
Oh, dude, those were great

>anaconda got loose in gym ballpit
>am told because i use the ballpit the most I have to get it out
>say no
>gym cancels my membership

not all of us can be heroes

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>At gym with gymbro
>Triceps/Chest day, making all kinds of gains
>Suddenly THAT guy walks in
>Longpants, hoodie, earbuds
>Fucking EARBUDS in a gym that already blasts music
>Goes straight to the squatrack without even warming up
>Starts squatting just the bar (wat)
>Adds some weight and squats like 4-5 times before having to sit down
>Unloads the bar, red as a tomato already
>Starts doing overhead press, with THE SAME FUCKING BAR
>Entiregymstaring.exe
>Does the same shit there, doesnt even use clips
>Gymowner stares at him from the receptiondesk
>Prob wonders if he´s liable if the kid kills himself
>Somehow survives anyways, deloads the bar
>Starts DEADLIFTING WITH THE SAME BAR
>Gymbro just mouthing "what the fuck" and stops in the middle of his set
>Does one fucking set of deadlifts
>Deloads the bar and walks out
>Doesnt even fucking shower
>Comes back a couple of days later IN THE SAME FUCKING CLOTHES

Saw him weighing himself in the gym, fucktard even seemed to GAIN weight LMAO

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>>42761930
kek

>>42770091
WE CAN BEAT THEM, JUST FOR ONE DAY

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>>42760491
>short screams
I like it

>At gym, just trying to do my squats
>Accidentally step too near the manletpit
>The largest one in the BEASTMODE stringtank climbs up
>Wants to fight me
>Swings upward towards my head
>Hits my knee
>It buckles and I fall forward
>Hear a tiny Tiiiiimbeeeer as I fall into the pit, killing 7 of them
>Somehow my fault, banned from the gym
>Sued for manletslaughter
>Cant even read the tiny letter summoning me to court

>>42770128
After literally years this is still funny

>>42770365

you're lucky they let you out

at my gym, if the manlets manage to get you into the pit you're there for good

>Gym actuary comes up to me today after I finish my set
>Apparently if I go even a pound higher than 225 my squat insurance premiums are going to go up 180%

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>Oats shortage at gym last night
>One of the SS fags leaves the gym dairy paddock open deliberately
>Massive cattle stampede into the free weight section
>Stronglifters manage to make a deadlift barricade to redirect them toward the manlet pit
>Dozens of cattle fall into the manlet pit, all the cattle and manlets are absolutely gored
>Gym bistro serving short ribs today

Not everything is bad.

>>42770450
You know what they say
>no man left behind, unless manlet-confined

>>42762757
>Paying for plates
>Not using free weights
Enjoy your lmaonogainz!!!11

>>42770006
Thanks brah. It was kind of a cool experience to write those and then have them disappear into the ether with the rest of the thread.

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>Gym communist keeps taking my gains without actually working out
How the fuck am I supposed to get swole like this?

>>42769922
damn, those were good. had an SCP kinda feel to them.

>>42766213
>playing shitcore
lmao

>Doing bench press
>Gym twink sits in my lap to do some curls
>too beta to ask him to get up
>stuck doing one really long set until he leaves

>>42762300
>Gym clown follows me around for the rest of my workout making sad honking noises
fucking kek

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>be me
>enter the gym as per usual
>about to begin my first set of benches and suddenly a pigeon drops a scroll on my lap
>I open the scroll and read whats inside
>fuck
>the gym squire has challenged me to a duel
>winner gets the others full months worth of gains
>fuck it lets do this
>I enter the gyms arena and arm myself in the barracks with a standard barbell and a 1plate to shield myself
>wait a while and after the bell tolls I enter the arena
>Just me, the gym squire with a fucking 20 foot barbell and a few dyels in the crowd
>alright lets do this
>I make the first move and rush him
>the squire then quickly evades and swings with all his might
>he misses dislocates both his arms
>I win the duel by default as a result
fucking idiot

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>>42766038
>"whoops that went bananas"

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>>42770844

>short ribs

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>>42761930
>she
>her
get off my board you fucking faggot

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>>42760491
>short screams

Very clever.

>another day grinding in the manlet pit
>Kiting the manlets into groups and finishing them off with an AoE attack
>Fuck up the combo sequence, sending me into a mob of manlets at full strength and die dropping my inventory
>Respawn at gym reception with an empty inventory.
>Can't even scrap my common drops for the run.

I lost a fucking rare obsidian barbell.

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>dumbell caddie only has two left handed dumbells left
>flip one over and use it right handed anyway

>>42774329
MODS

>>42769974
You have to go back

>>42767579
You go to a Brahmin gym too? The priests really annoy me.

>plates always arranged conically on the plate tree
>only allowed to move one plate at a time
>placing any plate "on top of" a smaller plate results in an immediate gains confiscation and ejection from the gym

Wish I could go somewhere else but I'm a poorfag and they're the only place nearby that doesn't charge by the rep.

>>42770450
>falling into the manlet pit
>not being tall enough to get yourself out

you belong in there desu

>>42774296
same thing happened to me the other day
>Go back in
>Manlet boss (5'11 and 9999/10000ths of an inch) approaches me
>Had been grinding too many manlets to get the cash to buy steel plates for my barbell
>Use "Boss of this gym" giving me approximately 53 seconds as he's forced to play the role of Van
>Hoping my cds return, have the creatine buff giving me a +500% regeneration rate to all muscle debuffs and -1000% cooldown for all abilities
>As soon as I suggest we settle it in the ring "Point out height to female" pops
>Point out his height to the local 4'11 toothless filipino whore
>She laughs, causing him to instantly despawn in shame, leaving behind loot
>Loot his BMW keys
>Fuck the receptionist as I walk out because she's so impressed with my height

>>42772160
>duelling a squire
you have to be gym nobility to post on this board

>>42771100
>gym capitalist pays me for my gains
>every time i see him he's bigger and stronger while i'm still a dyel
>can't quit because i have a mortgage

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>show up at gym planning on exercising my constitutional right to gains
>start my first set of curls when masked counter-lifters are bussed in
>try to ignore their "no lifting, no whey, no gains for USA" chant when one of them sprays me in the eyes with a bottle of tren
>I charge over to the water fountain as quickly as I can to rinse out my eyes and accidentally bump into a peaceful demonstrator
>Donald Pump condemns both power lifting and cardio and the UN urges the United States to categorize progressive resistance as hate speech

>diddlying lmao3pl8
>didn't notice gym has a gain goblets infestation
>they put an extra 5lbs on my bar while I was checking myself out in the mirror
>gym police notices as I'm about to start
>I only have a Gold™ Membership which doesn't cover weights over 3 plates
>try to argue it wasn't my fault
>they don't listen and tell me I have to pay a fine of three months worth of gains
>decide for trial by combat instead
>winner gets the other's gains made in the last three months
>manlet pit is drained so we have an arena
>gym police picks an ottermode twink as their champion
>chuckle internally
>he doesn't even pick a weapon, I choose a barbell
>fight starts and the fuccboi doesn't even move
>knock him out clean with one swift hit
>I won
>gym doctors get the twink out of the pit, I jump out
>see gym police laughing
>they explain that the ottermode guy used to be a fucking monster and has been losing muscle mass on purpose
>this in turn means I get his negative gains of three months
>realize I would have lost my gains either way as I am escorted to the gains redistributor

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>really want to shit but I'll be late for gym so leave
>start program with running cardio and bodyweight squats
>fart everything I squat but it's inaudible so dgaf
>literally shit my pants on last squat
>that was very audible
>everyone looking at me
>diarrhea running down my leg
>"it... it's just a prank bro"
>literally all I can say
>everyone sighs with eyes glimpsing on the ceiling and continue working out

Man I can't believe that worked out. Good thing too because the gym fem tranny bully was looking angrily at me.

>shattered seated cable row PR
>accidentally used gym priest's Narrow Grip Handles of Pious Pulls
>banished from racks and assigned spotting duty by gym lord
He said if I fuck up again I'll be turned into manlet feed

>>42767612
How do I upvote?

>barbell fell into the gym aquarium and now the gym octopus is jacked
>his PRs are 8x mine
>all the girls fawning over him
fucking inkburners

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>went to do a bench press
>forgot the fucking password of the bench
>tried to go full scooby doing it on the ground
>the attendant shone a spotlight at me
>"sir what is your password?"
>I sweat
>"also, your gym rival is calling you a faggot"
>the feeling is too much
>I got up to run
>forgot the password of the door
>mfw

>>42766213
>lifting without armor

Went to the gym
Leg day
My ibb enemy, goku is there
He is doing chest and back
I can not let him be the best
I am now doing chest and back
We both enter the power time chamber
Puts on 9000pl8
10x5 bench
He goes ssj3 and finishes
Gym be mirin his gains for the next show
Mfw

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>be me son of gym chieftain
>other month whole gym invited to other tribe's feast
>feast has plenty of chest, arm, back gains
>turns out to be a trap
>entire tribe now too muscular on top to walk
>survived because i was freshly elected to be gym twink and cutting
>now trophy of rival tribe chieftain

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>>42767612

>>42767612
>scurrying around my feet
kek

>assigned manlet pit duty
>forgot an entire tub of creatine in the pit after cleaning it
just watched a news report saying that oversized (5'5) manlets escaped the pit and have taken over, I am never going back again, I hope the gym detective won't link it to me

>>42762894
Q U A L I T Y

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>gym mime still out sick
>can't accurately check my deadlift form
>gym zipline to my house is broken today
>last bus only goes to Snap City

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>>42760417

>Strive to achieve the ultimate lifts for The Emperor of Mankind
>My herettical muscles refuse to grow fast enough
>Ask Gym Apothecary to aid my efforts with test treatment
>he takes me to the shower room nad injects gene-seed in my butt instead

T-this is normal procedure, right? Im gonna become ripped astartes now?

>>42766034
memes aside my gym actually has valet parking

>"45; DROP TABLE Plates"
>mfw i remotely dropped every single weight at the gym at the same time

this is why you sanitize your equipment

>>42763280
stomme nederlander

>>42775384

yea bro the lining of your colon walls will absorb the testosterone in his man-milk

this is why all faggots are ripped as fuark

>Some fool of a manlet knocks a skellington over
>awakens the barbellrog
>have to flee the gym with a horde of gains goblins on our heels
>Just as we near the exit it catches us
>Trys to cross the bridge but it falls into the manlet pit
>drags that old guy who stands around naked all day along with it
>cant go back to that gym anymore
>no refunds

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>Start doing rear deltoid flys in the gym
>Gym Airspace jet fighter pulls me over
>give him my pilots license and Gym Gold Card
>he asks me if I've been drinking creatine tonight
>i have
>"Agggh RUGGGH"
>Creatine flowing through my veins makes my beastly body only able to utter the most primal, and threatening sounds
>Jet Pilot asks me to step away from the weights
>stagger and step on the manlet pit by accident
>put on my best poker face before im sentenced to life without gains
>mfw

>gym overtaken by pirates
>plunder all the weights
>captain personally claims the single 1.25 lb plate in the gym, the most prized treasure of them all
>gym owner tries to fight them back
>pirates easily overpower him, force him to plank

>enter gym in british quarter by accident
>try to find the squat rack, but everything that looks close is labeled "heavy sit downs"
>eventually find a free weight bench
>try to find a bar but all i can find is "poppy stick n' holdy"
>try to find pl8s but all i find is "roundy push em'ups"
>Ask nearest member where i can find a normal rack
>"Oi govna you mean a Lifty Ensemble?"
>I give him a brief look of disgust before he and the rest of the gym realize the prayer music started and turn towards Mecha

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>be doing concentration curls in the gym
>gym guard rounds up manlets
>gym guard gasses 6.000.000 manlets
>go home
>all is good

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>Just got the ability to wield bar spears
>Been saving up for this day
>Head to gym smith
>Buy a jet black steel barspear, head to the manlet pits to test it out
>clean sweep, these gains are fuckin sweet
>DYEL struggling with his HYPE spells across the way
>Hes struggling to beat them off with a Kettlemace, keeps messing up on major muscle group pronunciation
>Move in with barspear and try to cover him while he gets out a "YEAH BUDDEH"
>Two manlets drop from the force of delivery
>Noice
>Square up on a Manlet Pit Boss
>He's wielding an EZBarsword and has a bumper shield
>He goes low
>I can't reach that low
>A solid hit to my shin and I'm down
>DYEL Hypeman let's out a chant from the gainsomanicon

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>Second level gainsdrain on Manlet pittboss, he drops to his knees, unable to move with the weight of the shield and sword
>Run him through
>This DYEL ain't so bad
>A Manlet Obersturmbannführer comes in with two pit bosses
>DYEL casts Hall of Mires, distracting the pittboss
>Obersturmbannführer is immune to hall of Mires
>He swings his weoghted bar around in a fast sweep, misses me by inches
>Jab the bar into his ribs, he let's out a pained cry
>Pull the bar back and strike him with the blunt end
>Feel a sharp pain in my back
>Pit boss got me with a needle dagger
>Grab my bell-club and crack his skull
>DYEL hits the other pittboss with a curse of low protein, he wastes away into nothing
>That's a pretty advanced spell for a DYEL...
>Obersturmbannführer is recovering from a staggering blow, reaches for his pocket
>Shit stop him!
>Swing the bar with all my might and cave his skull in, but it's too late
>He managed to blow his whistle
>Oh fuck
>After a few moments of heavy silence, we hear it
>The loud cackle and the deep groan
>A Brad leaps down from the gunwells of the manlets pits
>WHAT DID YOU DO
>Nothing!
>Nothing?! They're coming!

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>>42776008
>They come in a slow trickle at first
>Then they come in a drip
>Then a wave
>Gainsgoblins
>I run and grab a plate shield off the wall, the Brad pulled his hypebro down from the gunwells and is clutching his 2pl8 barclub
>DYEL Hype man casts Gift of C4
>Energy restored, the goblins crash on us like waves on breakwater
>They come in lines, in collums, in waves
>Their cries of "Just a bite!" And "you're getting too big, it's unattractive!" do nothing
>We might actually do it
>We might actually repel a gainsgoblins assault
>Brad Hypeman let's out a shout of “Lightweight, Baby!”
>Double attack speed
>They fall before us in droves, crushed and bleeding from their skulls, run through and trampled on
>More are coming, undeterred and unwavering
>But then they suddenly stop
>A deep horn bellows within the manlet mine
>The goblins get on their knees and bow their heads
>Oh fuck

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>>42776013
>A manlet crier marches from the mine
>Followed by two acolytes
>A pair of Manlet Supremes follow, pulling two Titanic chains behind them
>Pulling...it
>Behold! Hamplanet, Crusher of Men!
>She rolls off of her mobility wagon, crushing an acolyte beneath her FUPA
>She lets out a massive shreak as she squares up on us
>I'm frozen
>Brad Man-At-Arms is frozen
>Brad Hypeman is frozen
>But the DYEL isn't
>I can hear him muttering something
>Gmismiminagainsabminsimnabehind
>Wait…
>Turn to him
>His pale complection is giving away to that of bronze
>No way
>Brad Hypeman turns to him
>”Don't do it! You’ll die!”
>DYEL ignores us, he's too deep in casting
>Hamplanet lets out a deep REEEE
>Phalanx, now!
>Lock shield with Brad and present spear
>Hamplanet closes distance as Hypeman let's out a call for functional strength
>Seconds from impact
>Entire lifting life flashes before my eyes
>My first 3pll8 diddly
>My first 1pl8 OHP
>The secret night I spent with the gym twink
>The hours in the creatine mines with the other DYELs
>It's all over
>Just before impact I hear it

>FOUR SCOOPS C’MON

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>>42776029
>DYEL Hypeman did it
>A top level call to arms
>He cast Lift the Dead, transformation and channeled the Piano man himself
>Before us stands the glowing effigy of Rich, his arms ablaze in holy fire
>LEAVE HUMANITY BEHIND
>BACK TO TUMBLR
>YOU
>SHALL NOT
>LIFT
>Well sculpted flesh meets flabby uncoordinated fat in a burst of fury as the hamplanet disintegrates on Rich's astral fist
>The explosion of fat and undigested food covers us in a torrent of disgust
>When we wipe away our eyes, Rich is gone, the faint smell of ice cream in the air
>Oh fuck, the DYEL!
>Turn to see the limp, unmoving figure of a waisted human before us
>We rush to his aid
>His gains are all gone. He's back to level 1. A lanklet. A skeleton.
>Damnit…
>We get him on his feet
>B..but why?
>Sometimes...sometimes it's more important to help others along then yourself
>He's so weak he can't even wield the Kettlemace
>Picks up his gainsomanicon
>It's back to the protein feilds for me...I'll be seeing you, buddeh.
>”W..wait. What's your name?”
>”Anon"

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>8 foot powerlifter comes to gym
>Average height in the gym increases
>6'1 is the new manlet
>Get sent to the pit because of him

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>>42776042
not bad

>the gym nerds come in and switch all the dumbbells with smartbells
>can now no longer lift without the weights making snarky comments about my intellect

>Gym has filled it's right hander quota for the month
>lie and say I'm left handed because I have a date with the gym twink next week and need my gains
>forced to use a left handed barbell

>>42776076
disgusting

'Sup guys gym jester here with more tricks
Too poor for plate dispensers ?
>check around the plate dispenser, there should be a customer care number
>call it
>tell them you inserted the coins but the plate won't come out
>they'll give a one-time code to get the machine to dispense that plate
Don't try it too much, I suggest using it at different machines.

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>>42776002

>>42760486

>his gym only has 1 twink

>grinded alchemy when brutes were fucking busy doing barbell flies for STR
>fortify strength 100000 for 600sec potion from the finest ingredients(gym twink's cum, manlet shoes and roider shrunken balls)
>outlifted them all
>gym mime tries to copy my technique
>ends up clipping into the roof for reasons unknown with Drain strength 200 on self
>oh well
>gym rogue is sneaking past the equipment to speedrun this gym session too
>sleep in the squat rack to level up
>tfw woken up by gym imperials telling me to surrender my gains and work in the manlet pits as compensation

>>42763388
This is quality my friend

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>Gym dinner lady cooked crab legs again

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>>42760417
>Push day fuck yeah
>Repping lmao1pl8 OHP to court the gym twink
>gym twink nowhere to be found
>tfw I forgot it's the annual gym twink convention today and all of them are in Fresno
Well this dick wasn't gonna suck itself but idk anymore

>manlet pit has been filled with sand as punishment after their failed revolution last year
>now they're forced to lift in the play area with the children
>parents often accidentaly take home manlets instead of their children

when will they learn

>gym mechanic tells me the bench is broken
>have to do standing overhead bench press instead
>I just wanted to lie down

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>>42767612

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>>42767612
>GROW GROW GROW

muh sides

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>>42774797
>his PRs are 8x mine

>>42765629
>being a brainlet
Serves you right

>>42761067
I bet your jaw physique is amazing though

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>>42774329
jesus christ

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>Get up early this morning and hit the gym
>resting between my first morning routine and my second morning routine
>decide to get a cut from the gym barber
>before I do I need a shower to wash the sweat out of my hair
>go into the locker room and find the ornamental lanklet
>I reach up into his branches and pick a ripe piece of fruit
>the best one I could find
>looks great
>walk past the computer lab on my way to the shower
>see the IT guy in there working tricep extensions
>he's p cool so I go in to say hi
>he reviews an episode of Orange is the New Black for me and I donate 20 dollars to his patreon
>suddenly remember that my laundry should be done
>walk into the gym's utility room and see that somebody already folded my clothes for me
>friendly clientele
>gotta love LA fitness
>head towards the showers
>on my way see an open squat rack
>can't believe my good fortune
>i'm down at the bottom of the rack donor waiting list
>drop everything I'm doing and rack up lmao 4pl8
>whoops forgot it was bring your pet to the gym day
>whoops forgot I was dyel AF
>cat hair all over the pl8s
>I'm allergic to cats
>sneeze halfway to the grass
>lose my balance
>bar hits the ground with my head and neck still under it
>my nintendo ds unpauses and my guy dies
>have to call my mom and have her come get me
>never even got around to watering my locker cactus

Waste of a day today.

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>>42767612
Exceptional

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>>42776042
good shit anon

>>42777344
I think its one of the weaker greens in here and I find its high approval/(you) ratio suspect.

>>42761448
afraid it's gone

>>42776042
I enjoyed this a lot

>racking up the first set of the day
>hear a faint commotion from the manlet pit
>think nothing of it
>about to hit one rep max when I see it
>the manlets have formed a manletladder and are attempting to escape the pit
>the guardian of the pit drops the emergency grate
>one of the manlets skitters out screeching into the gym
>gym bunnies freeze in panic, 5 kilogram dumbells crashing to the floor
>manlet catcher tosses net
>unfortunately due to running the manlet continues to shrink in size, slipping through the net and quickly crawling into a vent
>3 weeks later they have to clean a clutch of emaciated gains goblins out of the AC system, smell is repugnant
>reminder not to forget to toss a pinch of pre workout in the manlet pit twice a year, it's not worth the risk.

>>42763388
>long men
KEK

>new Anytime Fitness opens near my gym
>can see manlets and fatties planning through the tinted glass windows
>come back to gym to find that they've annexed our treadmills

I don't use them anyways, but they might expand further

>the gym robot is malfunctioning again
>see it benching lmao50000pl8
>I lose 24% of my gains for the week in pure shame
>lodge complaint with our mechanical overlord
>it replaces the last of my meat parts with superior carbon alloy
>feeds the remaining meat to the few remaining natty organics
>go to the bench
>make eye contact with the robot
>rack up 60000pl8
>begin to lift, left servo malfunctions on my 3rd rep
>gym security force confiscates my arms

Leg day every day from now on

>attempting to hit new deadlift PR
>get hyped, load up my weights
>gym succubus walks up to me and demands her daily ration of cummies
>contract states that I have to comply or I get demoted to bronze membership
>succubus takes her ration, can feel my gains leaving me
>whips off "her" horns; turns out it was just the gym twink in a costume
>actually succubus comes by immediately after for my cummies
>fail deadlift PR because they stole my test

>try SS
>now responsible for genocide

what now guys

>>42778208
Go all the way for Auschwitz mode

WHERE ARE ALL THESE CRAZY GYMS!?

>doing a gainslevel 0 speedrun through my gym
>no problems initially, bosses in the squat rack and bench press have super predictable patterns
>get to the King of Manlets boss
>mfw I've always used the cheese strat where you level Height and 1 shot if you're over 6 foot
>mfw character is 5'11.9998 so I have to actually fight him
Is it worth sticking with this character or do I just quit? It feels like this boss isn't meant to be fought unless you do the 1 shot

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>>42766382
>bmp

>>42767612
TOP KEK
underrated

>>42763388
this deserves far more replies than it got

>in third world outdoor gym map
>Almost electrocute myself on dangling power lines doing OHP
>realize the map is a manlet sanctuary
>forced to call in Aussies for a raid
>lose one to a fucking komodo dragon (I guess that's the local equivalent to a gains goblin)
>all I wanted was to lift

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>>42761015
>>42760491
>>42761020

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>>42767612
10/10

>>42767612
Overrated

>>42766305
>REVOLUTION NOW

Go for it, the means of production are completely unguarded and waiting to be seized. They're up on that high shelf over there.

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>>42776042
Good show my dude

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>>42774642

>tip the gym receptionist
>realize I have no quarters for the plate dispenser
>take back my tip when receptionist isn't looking
I felt so embarrased.

>>42778365
>tfw no gym twink at my gym
What the fuck am I lifting for???

>>42761930
Sides to orbit

>>42779547
If you can't figure out who the gym twink is you probably are the gym twink.

>>42762300
>sad honking noises
Hahahahahaah

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>second week at the gym police, fresh from the Academy
>Natty Lives Matter protesters want to take down the St Rich statue
>mutants came in droves and murdered all of them, then ran away with their corpses so they could grind them up and turn them into shakes
>NLM are all dead, the mutants are even bigger than before, and they have developed a taste for human flesh
>we are getting reports from the manlet pits and cardio bunny farms warning about mysterious dissapearances
>mfw night shift tomorrow

I don't come to /fit/ for a year and when I come back :
>manlet pit

I'm fucking dead

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>>42761986

>>42761930
6/10 would have worked if you didn't spoil the punchline by using "she"

>>42762300
Underrated

>>42763388
They feel the fear

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>>42779472
>>42777424
>>42777357
>>42776190
>>42776058

>People like your 6am all nighter story

T-thank

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>>42762700
>the gym mob say they're going to hurt Irene and Benecio if I don't stop blasting real hero by college while I lift
REAL HUMAN BEAN

>>42774648
those bastards

>stroll into gym
>walk past manlet pit
>put a quarter in the machine outside to get a bag of mini scoops
>throw all the mini scoops in at once
>hear screeching and fighting
>few blood spurts splatter the side of the pit
>all of a sudden it gets very quiet
>start seeing dozens of hands reaching up toward the sky
>the gym is filled with a high pitched chant
> "Grow Grow GROW"
>get yelled at by gym staff for agitating the manlets

>>42770128
I am THAT guy.

>>42763280
Kanker

>>42770212
I miss him :(

>>42763388
GOod shit

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>>42774642

>>42780136
KEK

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>>42774998
>not benching over 9000pl8
weak

>>42760491
>short screams
wew

>>42760491
my sides

>>42765629
Wouldn't that make it have multiple solutions and be really fucking easy?

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>Walk into gym for chest day
>Bench has no battery left
>Left my cable at home
>Awwman.webm

>>42763388
you guys are getting really creative

>>42778395
If you do the overflow glitch in the Smith machine just for him, you can get infinite height and bypass him easily, I do it whenever I get bad height RNG

>someone left out the barbell butter again
>now my deadlifts take forever to set up

>>42763107
kek

>>42774648
that was a good twist

>>42775838
>force him to plank
i should off myself for laughing

>>42766044
he was attracted by the flyes

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>>42765861
>SS
>attracted to older women

>>42760491
include me in the screencap senpai

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>>42767612
>I look down to see a lmao1plaet move as by itself, supported by a dozen manlets underneath

>finally convince dyel friend to come to the gym with me.
>The gym reporter is making her rounds.
>She has a full crew this time. God damnit.
>I'm spotting dyel in the full mount position because the bench is set up too close to the wall and I can't get behind it.
>It's dyel's turn to be interviewed and they are really grilling him. He is sweating under the pressure.
>I dismount to avoid submitting him to any more pressure.
>He is sweating so much he loses his grip on the bar it falls and crushes his wind pipe.
>Total silence.
>Reporter turns to me and says.
>Is this your first time at the gym too?
>Y--you too.

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>>42760491
>short screams

>>42761020
>start front squatting 100 pounds

They won't notice, r-right?

>>42761180
fuck /fit/ really is the funniest board

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>>42763388

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>>42761020

>>42763388
holy shit this is good

She came to me in a dream of a moonlit lake, wearing a white dress, as her face shone a dull gold under the night sky.
And as she whispered in my ear "traps are gay" I went beyond the veil, and saw and knew that all was nothing.

>sneak into gym early and fill manlet pit with helium
>mfw I can hear them suffocating and screaming for help but everyone in the gym thinks we just have mice again

>>42761930
>"y-you too"
>"Haha. You know you have a way with words"

>>42763388
>long men
ur good with words anon, yknow that?

>just another day at the gym as gym police
>they did renovations recently to make the manlet pit fit more manlets
>they took away any object that could be used for pullups as the manlets were trying to get taller by doing dead hangs
>manlets try to escape in the middle of the night to steal a squat rack by making a manlet staircase
>intervene by grabbing the nearest Barblade
>cut the manlets feet off, killing their height gains permanently
When will they ever learn?

It was a clear night two weeks before winter solstice. The waning moon illuminated the floor of the gym outlining everything in a faint silver trim. As I stood alone contemplating my gains and curling I heard a faint gutteral noise coming from the Dwarf hole, at first I did not recognize it, but as it rose, undulating slowly in tone, yet growing in volume I recognized the sound, and was paralyzed in fear. It had been many moons since we had first heard that noise, too many to count. Back when the iron was fresh and the powerlifter's backs were intact, it's noise was a dark omen, a warning to us Men of Long Legs, a warning that the manlets were preparing for war.

I am not proud of how I acted that day, knowing what was soon to come I acted as an animal, it did not occur to me to warn the Watchmen of what to come, I simply ran, hoping to put as much space in between me and the Manlets as was possible, my actions still haunt me to this day, and I still wonder if perhaps I had taken the time to warn the Watch if their deaths could have been prevented.

Just as I reached the receptionist's table I heard it happen, the undulated gutteral moan had reached it's climax, and the manlets, forming a ladder out of their fallen bretheren clambered out of the pit. I saw this, turned tail and ran, not even stopping to tip the receptionist.

The agonized screams of the watchmen, receptionist and gym twink still haunts me to this day, I know that under the cruel calloused hands of the manlets they would not have suffered quick deaths, but that they died in agony, as the manlets ripped and tore at their legs, hoping to steal their height for their own. I cannot go back, I can never go back, for the shame and terror of what I did, saw and heard that day still haunts me and to go back to the root of this would surely drive me insane.

So please, head my tale and do not act so foolishly as I did and perhaps, just perhaps you may be able to save your friends.

>gym goblins stole every right-handed dumbbell
>can only train left side of body
It's been a month and management still hasn't gotten them back, fucking jews

>>42766382
bitmap nigger

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>>42762757
>proprietary pl8s
should have done SS with free weights like pic related

>>42778485
You expect me to read that non-green text? You must be new here

>>42780136
faggot feeding manlets

Something..strange happened today. Nevertheless, I have documented it for further studies. As always, I was chosen to inspect the manlet pit for undocumented gains, and I could feel it. The tension in the air. For a second I forgot that manlets also breathe oxygen. The defiance in their eyes, as if we of the longmen wronged them somehow. Almost as if they were sentient. I remember quite clearly, manlets hid when I went down there, as if they were scared of me. This time, they hissed at me. Two of them attacked me with EZ curl bars, I wouldn't be here if not for their short reach. I'm beginning to question our decision of amusement by giving these creatures such weapons. Until now, the council has been dismissing these "uprisings" as mere tantrums befitting of manlets, but I believe there is much more behind them. They.. I hope it isn't true, but they are evolving. They communicate, they have some primitive form of teamwork. I saw them standing on top of each other to somehow emulate our stature. Undocumented gains in the pits are increasing by the day, so is smuggled protein powder.It seems they have realised that it helps in building muscle, I am certain I saw a crude small bench made with plywood. A troubling thought, but is the age of longmen coming to an end ?

>5'9 manlet
>Bring pet falcon with me to gym for protection
>Chad spots me benchpressing and tries to banish me to the pit
>FALCON PUNCH
>Chad fucking punched my falcon to death and threw me in the manlet pit

>>42770128
is this in california

>I know what evil we created down there, in the pits
>We had a chance. We could have treated them as equals. We could have embraced them.
>But we cast them aside. Why them? The DYELs and Skeletons were allowed to stay. We didn't give the cardio bunnies a pen. We didn't ship the powerlifters to the creatine mines.
>But we made our choice. The die was cast, just as we cast the manlets to the pits.
>I observe the pits with fanatical intrigue. The machinations of a collective shunned and belittled by their community. How ostracizing it must be.
>Recently stirrings have occured in the pits. I can feel it in the air, hear it in their voices. They look at me differently now. Before I was tolerated. Welcomed, even. A longman who treated them as equals, as humans. But now? My shins are carved and cut up. Those that gave me a smile and a nodding, now spit at my feet and show distain for my presence.
>A sonorous zealot has been fermenting Revolution. His tirades fulminate against the long men, the broad-backs, the fast-foot. He calls particular attention to the Heavy Ones. If they deserve a spot at Zion, why do they not? They have cast their bodies against the metal and tile, they have pushed the weight from their chest, above their diminutive heads and have put in the work. Why should the Heavy Ones, with their selfish consumption and sedition, be allowed to fitness Zion, when they haven't put in the effort?
>I don't disagree with him. But hate is a powerful tool. One I fear the small ones will weird with great efficiency. Short tempers burn hot.

>>42786939
>They closed the pits today. No trade in, no trade out. The short ones patrol their borders with Prussian efficiency, welding hooks and cludgels to drag and bludgeon any that challenge their sovereignty.
>In response, the gyms interior ministry has a group of broad-backs enforcing our side of a pseudo-DMZ. They wield barbell spears and heavy cludgels. The broad-backs are intimidating, but there's something about the ruthless efficiency of the short ones. They're more drilled. More disciplined.
>I was allowed a final cross into their pits. I approached what I assumed to be a commissar. His high-heeled boots brought him to chin level. His second in command was flatfooted a mear half an inch off the mark to have a rightful claim to being at least a longman. Had he been a few inches broader, he might have been a broadback.
>I asked the commissar to send an envoy to the long men. None of this has to happen. The machine of the pits are vital to the brap-hogs harvest. The free weights in the fields of the skeles are vital to the pits regimenting. The treadmills would fall barren if the water fountain in the DMZ wasn't freed, and the heavy ones would die without cardio.
>The commissar sympathized with my words
>His second did not. Where was the sympathy when they were cast to the pits?
>I had no answer. I left empty handed, taking with me only two sips from the vending machine.
>War would come soon.

>>42786714
yes, why

>>42787028

>The flashpoint came in a week's time.
>A group of heavy ones wandered aimlessly to the DMZ to the fountain. Accosted by the short ones, they attempted to cross into the pits to the vending machines
>They were beaten down. Assaulted with ruthless brutality, beated with cludgels and crushed under weighted clubs.
>One was dragged into the pits by the commissar from last week.
>Within minutes of this, a group of broad-backs suffered a double envelopment and were swiftly cut off at the knees by a band of short ones. Relief efforts were rendered immediately impossible by a sudden push against the swift-legs, seizing all the ellipticals and half the treadmills.
>For all their speed, they were no match for the pure numbers and tactical ability of the short ones
>I fear ruination has come to our gym... ruination of our own making.

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>gym gets sold
>go in and decide to skip leg day as usual
>new gym owner is a centipede
>leg days are now mandatory
>sentences me to 3 months banishment at the local planet fitness for my crimes

>>42761015
Top kek

>>42787028
I´d read your book anon

but who the FUCK let the manlets have the vending machine

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>>42760417
>>42760491
>>42761015
>>42761020
>>42761930
>>42762757
>>42763388
>>42767612
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

>>42765977

Kek'd

>>42787077

>The war has not necessarily progressed in our favour.
>The Short ones unleased legions of Acolytes upon us. Driven by dogmatic fanaticism, these zelots subscribe to a world view that promises an eternal afterlife of endless bliss, as long as their death is in service to the cause
>How does one defeat an enemy who's goal is death?
>The programs they lead against the Heavy Ones are without reproach. There is no mercy. Purged of all wrong doing by their leader, a despot of a man who has built an entire religion around the promise that Eden is their rightful lands.
>"The short shall inherit the earth"
>The fast legs have fled, taken heel and turned. Without their Manuver units, our forces fell to the brute strength of the broad backs and the Olympians, who's phalanx were thought to be unstoppable.
>While individually, and indeed, pound for pound far superior in strength and endurance to the short legs, the pure overwhelming numbers proves to be too much in every encounter. Every battle leads to bloody defeat.
>The tactical brilliance of short legs is not to be understated. Even with numerical superiority, their leaders, with their ground view of the battle space, far outdo even the most brilliant any of us can offer up
>The long ones have yet to commit any forces in a meaningful way. They lead from on high but have yet to commit. They are aristocratic in their ways. Pathetic.

>>42787238

>Revolution is stirring in the ranks of the otters.
>The vanguard of the Acolytes, with their battle cry of "Grow, Grow, Grow!", met and crushed a force of ottermen twice their size, a feat thought impossible. The short ones have proven to be equal to all on the defensive, but on the offence, they have never won without overwhelming numerical superiority.
>The others are reeling. They don't have the staying power. They'll surrender without intervention.
>More troubling is the potential betrayal of the broad backs. The shadows whisper of a conspiracy, betrayal of the long men. The broad-backs have fought the short ones on the field of battle for too long, a war they never had any interest in fighting, for a people they did not want cast away.
>The long men vomitted Thier first forces today. A stunning victory for them, decimating a large formation of short men, retaking a portion of the free weight feilds. Their resources promptly extracted to fuel the war machine.

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>>42761142

>see a 5'11.9" dyel manlet trying to bench 1pl8 (lmao)
>whip out a marker and add a 0 after the "45" on one of his plates
>the plate now weighs 450lbs and instantly crushes his neck
>guards toss his body into the bottom of the manlet pit (3ft)

>>42783801
Helium is an inert gas, they wouldnt experience any "suffocation-ish" feelings
Fucking retard

>>42765861
>tried the smith machine once
>now theres millions of me, all trying to stop this one guy who knows kung-fu

>>42763070
>it is bloody and inserted into a foam roll to form a makeshift sword
>legendary tittyrips
thx anon made my day,just before gym

>Read about inverted rows
>Decide to try them out
>Rowing coach yells what the fuck are you doing
>Rest of team beats me up
>We lost the final

Thanks alot /fit/

>>42760417

>failed the penis check on length AND girth

fml