Do you guys know how to make my trees juicy? I want them swole

I'm being serious btw. I heard you can attach weights to your trees to make them grow thicker.

>>42730838
give them plenty of room to grow and time. Some take an average of 20-25 years to get like the pic

File: pine.jpg (10KB, 360x140px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 360x140px

>>42730893
Even if this is the type of tree that is local to my area?

>>42730838
creatine eod around tree

>>42731059
Wouldn't protein powder or even a protein shake help more though, like spray protein shake instead of water to hydrate it?

>>42730838
The best part of the Bay Area is the redwoods. The worst part of the Bay Area (besides the people) are the fucking palm trees. Fuck those fucking skelly shits. No one likes palm trees, their leaves are big enough to fuck up cars. The bark is hard and scratchy as shit, redwoods have nice soft bark that doesn't cut your shit up if you run your hand along it. Redwoods are absolutely gorgeous and palm trees need to be nuked. Fuck gay ass palm trees.

>>42731601
I live in Florida, so I know that feeling about Palm Trees as well, that's part of the reason i made this thread though pines are gay as well.

>>42731641
At least pines smell somewhat nice, but their sap is way too fucking sticky. The cones get way too big though. Maples are ok except the leaves are a little fuzzy and they break in any storm.

>>42731673
>Maples
Not that common where I am in Florida, though there may be a few in the interior. I view them as a Carolinas up tree.

>>42730907
those have bad genetics they will never get any sort of relevant gains

>>42731724
what trees are racially superior and will get all the gains?

> What is ammonium nitrate?

Of course, good luck getting your hands on it. My grandfather used it on his gardens every year until that fucking retard decided to blow up an entire building in Oklahoma City. Anyways, grandfather said you could really tell the difference in plant production and growth. Instead of 4' tomato plants they would get to the upper 6' range and produce like crazy. He always ended up giving away more than half of what he grew because they could not eat all of that themselves.

>>42731760
>ammonium nitrate
so it's like steroids for plants

what pound weights did he put on his plants? I'm assuming 2 pounds for tomato

>>42731787
Sticks and strings with fishing line lead ~ 1.5-2 lbs. during their beginning training.

Approximately, during plant production, 18 tomatoes per plant ~ .5 lb. per tomato/9 or 10 pounds. Constantly doing deload sets though because you had to pick them every day. So 1rpm for tomatoes = 12 lbs.

>>42731998
Ok sounds somewhat consistent, I'm probably going to do the same then to the tree until it gets big enough to not deload.

>>42730893
>Some take an average of 20-25 years to get like the pic
lol, more like 500+ years, ya dip

>>42731758
Baobab

Sapling strength+gallon of fertilizer a day

File: DSC01494.jpg (491KB, 1162x778px) Image search: [Google]

491KB, 1162x778px

Tie large slabs of meat seasoned with cruciferous vegetables and once a day multivitamins to the branches. Also blend a mixture of the same and spread it around the roots.

I did that to my trees and now they are stronger than me in every way possible. I am virtually their slave now and cannot even leave my house. They stand outside lifting boulders all day and if I don't get them large bovine cuts daily, they whip me with their branches. Sometimes they do it anyway and then laugh about it. It's really motivating me to get /fit/ though, I really hope I can outpower them one day, I really miss my family and friends.

>>42730838

Contact your local ag extension office about a soil test, and explain that you're trying to grow x species of tree. Follow their recommendations to correct pH/nutrient deficiencies.
Install drip irrigation along the entire root zone of the tree(s) and water them during dry weeks.
Kill all vegetation in the drip line that would compete for nutrients with the tree. Install landscaping fabric and mulch to ensure they don't come back.
Get a licensed arborist to evaluate and trim your tree(s) yearly to avoid any problematic structural problems.

Do this and you should achieve 2'/yr growth rates, no problem. Even with hardwood species.

>>42732141
>ya dip
Please come back when you're over 18, this site isn't appropriate for minors.

>>42730838
100% genetics, sorry

my roomate takes a concoction of HGH and other illegal shit and when he gets drunk, which is almost everyday, he has a favorite tree he likes to piss on in the backyard. This tree used to be the smallest tree in our yard, when we moved in it was a sapling at like 4 feet and the other trees were taller than us. This pissing tree and the other trees are now the same height and it's only been about a year and a half. my buddy and all his friends exclsively piss on that tree now trying to make it the alpha arbol. one guy started pissing in jars at his house and brings them over every weekend to water it. i might start keeping track of the growth, it's pretty crazy. it used to be the girth of my dick and now it's thicker than my quads.

>>42733184
That sounds pretty impressive. Is Cocaine part of that shit he takes?

>>42732210
Beef slabs, or pork?

>>42734131
I tended to use whole cows, though sometimes I would trap wild boar, pump them full of steroids and use those.

>>42734219
Ahh I'm jealous. Only local wildlife here is bobcats and feral dogs