Alright /fit/, I've been saving stories from my gym for

>>42573754

>Saturday at 9am
>Gym opens at 8am, closes at 10pm the night before
>Walk in
>Fifteen or so people in the gym, so pretty normal for a Saturday
>The standard geriatric affair and cardio-bunnies on the treadmill
>Three DYELs in the machines
>Go to weight section
>Three guys, all playing conflicting, extremely loud music without their headphones and talking to each other
>taking up the squat racks doing other lifts
>Whatever
>Ignore them and go about lifting
>After about 20 minutes I look over
>In 20 minutes they have managed to take apart the racked weights and scatter them to the four winds, removed all the plates from the racks and left them everywhere
>And are currently OHPing with a naked bar.
>They walk off to the locker room
>Whatever
>Finish my exercise and go to shower
>Motherfuckers are still standing in there after an hour, still listining to three different tracks at full volume without headphones, inside the shower room, but not showering
>Entire place is waterlogged, a near stream of water is flowing out of the locker room
>Just leave without showering

This is where the story of the weekend gym begins.

>a few weeks later I return on Saturday mid-afternoon
>The gym is a fucking mess
>Girl at the counter doesn't even look up from her phone when I can my card
>Theres free weights on treadmills, a bar clipped to the latest pulldown machine, ropes just haphazardly tied to the pec fly machine
>Plates are stacked in weird geometric patterns on the floor, like some natty 8 year old autistic kids broke into the weight room
>Theres a deflated basketball just sitting on the water fountain
>Theres a condom on one of the benches, a towel tied to the Smith machine that's weirdly yellow on one part
>The mirrors are covered in spit and snot and a single bloody fingerprint
>Two unevenly weighted bars sit unevenly on the racks
>Theres and exercise ball wedged into the dip machine
>Wtf.jpg
>Clean up a little bit, half out of feeling bad for the clean crew and half because I need to workout too
>Finish and head to the locker room
>Those same guys from last week are in there, in towels, stream of water leading out of the room, still listining to different music with their phones
>Go to bathroom to piss
>Used condom in toilet with piss all over the seat
>Urinals stopped up with paper towels
>Sinks all running
>Someone took the soap spigot. I was just here yesterday
>A toilets are pissed all over, there's shit on the seat of one
>Sauna door is wide open, sauna is 80°f
>Just go home, defeated, again.

learn 2 greentext

Pump

>talk to one of my gymbro about why the place is such a scumhole on the weekend
>Only three people work the weekend and the cleaning guys are off. The buses run from the two cities directly to the mall where this gym is all day Saturday and Sunday, but don't run directly to the mall the other days, so a lot of getto and inner city dwellers come during the weekend
>The three people that work on the weekend are basically a do nothing girl, a guy who actually just works out all day, and an old man who's too old to really do anything
>Well that instills confidence
>He tells me it's probably "mild" right now since there's still snow on the ground, and that come spring it's going to get stupid
>How right he was

>>42573947

> exercise ball wedged into the dip machine

explain pls

>Go back after a few weeks
>Parking lot is suspiciously empty
>Gym is not
>Immediately upon entering the smell of cheap body spray and sound of awful mixed rap music overwhelms the senses
>Dozens of people walking around in various states of undress and misusing equipment
>Theres a guy doing what I can only describe as "Radius-Ulna curls" in the leg extension machine
>Theres someone doing windmills with a small medicine ball
>I can see someone using the lat pulldown with a barbell, again
>Someone's got chains tied round their head and is just nodding, not a head harness, just some chains tied around their head
>theres a bunch of guys just dancing to their shitty rap music in the squat rack
>Someone is doing pushups on a de-hung punching bag
>Smith machine has been stripped of all weights, which now sit on that same kind of weird geometric pattern
>Treadmills are all on, no one is on them
>Two people sitting on the stair machines vaping
>Locker room is flooded
>Those same dudes are there doing the same fucking thing
>The bench from the sauna has been moved to the shower room
>The sauna is on, but the door is open
>All the sinks are clogged
>Theres a tooth in one of them
>Just leave

File: i-dpsel-co.jpg (66KB, 820x820px) Image search: [Google]

66KB, 820x820px

>>42574037

So one of these
Platform depressed all the way down, with an exercise ball wedged between the platform and the handles, preventing it from coming all the way back up.

You're probably wondering "why do you go to the gym on the weekends? Why not just go weekdays?"

And truth be told I don't really remember why I did at the time. Now it's because of work, but back then it was...morbid curiosity?

>back the next weekend, this time on Sunday
>Gym is still a wreck
>This time though there's about 18 people here, and they're all...matching?
>Singing spiritual while on cycling machines
>All wearing same uniform
>Appears that they're a church group
>get my workout in with far less chaos
>Go to showers
>Same dudes, same towels, same place
>Ignore them
>Sauna
>Functioning, one other guy
>Just laying in the middle of the floor, sprawled out, in weirdly tight underwear
>Step around him to get to the bench
>Doesn't react
>Just laying there
>Don't really pay him any mind until I notice I've been in here for 20 minutes and should get out
>He's been in here a bit longer then me, maybe I should wake him
>Call out to him
>Nothing
>He's weirdly still...
>Look for rise and fall of his chest
>Nothing
>Fuck
>Pop out my headphones and get down, tap him on the shoulders
>Nothing
>Double fuck
>Buddy can you hear me, you okay?
>Nothing
>Triple fuck
>Squeeze his trap
>Nothing
>Quadruple fuck
>Go down and check for a Carotid pulse and look closer for rise and fall of the chest
>He suddenly jumps up and pushes me off
>You fucking weirdo what are you doing
>You...weren't moving?
>I was meditating!
>O..okay then
>Leave

>>42574138
That machine help you to do dips and pull ups?

>>42573754
why don't you change your gym?

>>42574244
holy shit these are incredible

moar pls op

>>42574244
I don't believe you but you're a great story teller and you made me laugh.

You've got a good imagination, champ