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I'm unspooked as fuck. I see myself living in a meaningless world. I see people as disgusting. My jealousy comes out of nowhere and it disgusts me due to it making complete sense.
>see guy around my age with his hot gf and they look at me with that "Aw, look at the ugly creature" look
>get madly jealous and randomly the thought, "the best revenge is a life well lived" goes through my mind
>realise as I'm thinking it how pathetic and spooky it is, the coping mechanism of a genetically deficient organism
>see someone reading a maths book
>feel hatred for them because they might think they're smarter than me
Guys I'm not going to lie, being unspooked is tough as fuck. I worry that marketers and advertisers are trying to take advantage of me.
I have no life philosophy. Work on many things? Work on one thing? Do what I enjoy? Do what others say is important? I have no clue. I want to do 50 things at once. I see all sides. I started reading more recently and worry about "reading myself stupid". I try to remember what I read when sitting on the train and although I know the condensed outline, and see this as enough, I get annoyed for not remembering perfectly.
I am an ugly beta male who has never had female attention, even at the age of 26, has had no social life since 18, and became the ugly loser loner that nobody talks to within two days at work. Seeing attractive women everywhere is torture when I know they have lives on easy mode, consider me a disgusting non chad, and have 50999 tinder matches.
If I spent all my time doing all the shit I'm supposed to do, I'd have no time for anything. Everyone else is a fraud. Everyone else is either a woman who gets everything handed to them or a normie who glides through institutions while being judged by their clones.
My spiritual malaise is entrenched and I refuse to sprinkle Christian (or any other) sprinkles on it like the low IQers, pseudo intellectuals, and the frauds.
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It's really unbelievable to think that I could ever get a gf or sex with anyone other than escorts. It's demoralising seeing women with their bfs because I missed out on all of that back in university and school and my early 20s, which means any future example of it, as unlikely as it would be, would be based on the woman trying to get beta bucks. It has already been confirmed that I am an ugly reject of society. Imagining myself with a girl at my side that isn't constantly judging me as a beta loser, desperate to walk away, makes me see it as unbelievable.
All advice is useless and designed to convince the giver that all of their successes were down to hard work. "Be social. Go to dance clubs / hobby clubs an hit on women." But that would be utterly transparent of me and would make me look desperate. This isn't 1950, nobody does this stuff.
"Go to clubs or pubs alone / ask out random women." Nobody does that. That's socially unacceptable stuff that nobody does.
The real way is that people are normies and instantly feel connections with other normies. At the start of all new jobs / universities, there is a small period where normie social circles connect to each other. People meet each other through social circles at parties / pubs / clubs which are somehow pleasurable when you are a normie who knows they will never be laughed at by other normies. And women also skim Chads from Tinder. That's all. Non-normies need not apply.
I am disposable and on the social scrapheap.
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If you truly thought other people were disgusting you'd pity them instead of envy them.
The one you truly find disgusting is yourself.
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>>42571880
Yeah, it's hard to make friends without having friends.
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>>42571869
>My spiritual malaise is entrenched and I refuse to sprinkle Christian (or any other) sprinkles on it like the low IQers, pseudo intellectuals, and the frauds.
Maybe you aren't as smart as you think you are.
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>>42572294
OP is the opposite of everything he claims. That's typically the problem. These excuses are all just exercises in self hate, as another anon pointed out.
OP should stop feeling like a special snowflake, of whom no one could possibly understand, and just try not being creepy. Lift, but better clothes, get a haircut, talk to people and smile. "Normies" actually enjoy when people tell them deep shit btw.
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