>Gym bard starts playing your song as you walk in

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>>42393181
>start doing a 4-day split, 7 workouts a week
>have to ask gym mathematician to compute the orbit of 4 in the additive integer group Z_7 so I can plot it on my calendar
>he tells me it's easy and I should do it myself
like bro why do you even work here if you're not going to do the algebra for me

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>tank top license expired a week ago but the attendants haven't said shit

>Eating disorder awareness day at the gym
>Cutting
>Have to eat a cupcake or get banned from the gym
>Eat the cupcake and then make myself vomit it up in the bathroom
>Realise I probably do have an eating disorder

a mixed bag

>>42393181
>gym tard won't stop farting

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>gym whore is getting gangbanged in the squat rack again

>At swedecuck gym
>Police swarm in and declare a mandatory drug test day
>Start sweating as took creatine that morning
>Shows up in tests
>Arrested
>Raped in prison

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>the desolation spreads to the gym
>weights slowly disappear, dumbbell racks are almost empty
>speakers no longer play music, only hiss and make soft static noises
>fewer people come in, place is almost empty even in the afternoons
>try to talk to gym receptionist, she only stares blankly at me
>water fountain no longer works, but through the drain I heard someone whisper a question to me, walked away and haven't tried to use it since
>haven't seen my gym crush in months
who else knows this feel?

>>42393181

>squatting
>have perfect view of blood elves on ellipticals
>dwarf walks up, calls me a faggot, and says to let me use squat rack.
>I tell him no
>he kicks my ass then starts warming uo with 1000 lbs

Fucking dwarflets

>>42393238
>he didn't get in on the lifetime tank-top plan and get grandfathered in before they started doing the month passes

>>42393470

Wtf, Nurgle's entropy spread to your gym? Have you considered asking the Emperor's blessing?

>>42393181
>gym waiter offered me protein bars mid squat PR attempt
>distracted me so I failed the rep
getting pretty fucking sick of this

>>42393374

>I take my cock out and start masturbating near her head
>since I can only afford the Beta Membership and not the Chad Membership I am not allowed to participate.
>perma-banned from gym
>still required to pay lifetime of gym fees

>>42393181
https://youtu.be/N-mTb1YRzBA
They really play this there?

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>roll a high strength low dex DnD character
>have no trouble role-playing this

>doing some warmup leg extensions
>look at the squat rack in the mirror, it's free
>head over
>squat rack is actually being used by a group of gym vampires
>afraid to ask to work in because I'm not undead
luckily some retards started doing crossfit and they had to retreat to the gym catacombs

>>42393604
kek

>that feel when you get banned from the gym for trying to do leg extensions
Being 5'7" isn't fair. Some 6'3" guy failed a bench press and vomited blood on the floor and they didn't ban him for bleeding all over the place.

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>it's that one song that's in every youtube tutorial

>>42393374

This is my fetish

>>42393689
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6eWhZdwUgU

>the gym twink has been hanging out in the locker room throughout my entire workout

>>42393776
>tfw the gym twink bullies me and gives me wedgies, even though I can OHP him for reps

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>gym photographer raised the price for a progress pic yet again

>>42393604
kek

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>be girl
>want to lease some land near the free weights to do my stretching
>land prices went up 400%

>>42393851
Just squat some corner

>>42393851
maybe you should try leasing some land in
L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N

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>gym timelord keeps resetting reps

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>gym Indian filled the entire free weight area with water to do some rowing
>he was doing only 2 sets of 5
why didn't he use the puddle machine?

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>gym leprechaun just sitting in the squat rack
>wont leave until someone guesses his name

>>42393690
LONDON
O
N
D
O
N

>>42393470
More of this

>gym cardio bunnies won't fucking shut up about Easter and electrical appliances.

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>The manlet miners accidentally dug into a skelly catacomb while mining for protein
>gym receptionist forces me to take up a quest to clear them out

This is fucking shit, I'm still only dyel level and don't have the str to properly wield my barbell spear or wear my plate armor

>get caugh tresspasing in chads vip room
>tied up and used as totem for the braphogs brap contest

heh.......just as planned....

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>gym authorities find the protein shake I snuck into the gym
>apprehend me and confiscate my natty card

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>be lowly curl serf
>took a 5lbs plate from a minor noble's squat rack
>sworn man and PT of the noble catches me
>crushes my hand in the lat pulldown machine as punishment


Fucking gym royalty

This is a really good thread

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>>the penis inspector's gloves are ice cold and you don't have enough smegma to meet the daily quota because you ate yours for dem bonus protein gainz

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>>42393181
>treadmill time
>gym mage casts improved haste on you

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>raiders stole all the plates for their deathmobile wheels again

>first day in gym after having my float test renewed
>smile at the receptionist
>turns out she tripped the silent lunk alarm
>two minutes later, removed by sexual harassment team
>they cant prove shit in the circuit court, case moves to trial by squat
>I panic, take plea deal to have my milk license revoked
>regret it to this day

>>42393943
>not using the opportunity to raise your caste level by showing dominance and shitting directly on every bench
>making it
Pick one and only one

>>42393955

No, I meant as one doing the gangbanging

>>42394036
>trial by squat

Thats a good one anon

>At gym
>Baron of Gainsdale
>Beloved by peasants for using tax money to improve gym conditions for everyone
>notice a lowly serf stealing weights from the nobles
>don't want to ruin the poor man's gains, but I can't appear incompetent or I'll have revolt on my hands
>decide to crush the man's hands instead of crippling him and sending him to Snapborough
>He doesn't thank me for sparing his spine
You can't win them all.

>Going for a squat PR
>Gym DJ puts on a special PR track for me
>Gym Hype Man getting everyone pumped up for my PR attempt
>Unrack strong, start my descent
>Get distracted by gym twink's feminine ass in tight shorts (no homo), lose tension, bomb out the rep
>Looked like a failure in front of the whole gym
>Gym clown follows me around making sarcastic honking noises the rest of my workout

>Gym gardener is on vacation, hasn't trimmed the plates in days
>They've all grown into irregular polygonal shapes, impossible to deadlift with
>tfw have to take 8 45s to the gym grindstone to shave them back down into circles before I can even start my workout

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>At gym
>Initiative check
>roll 1
>all the squat racks are taken every round

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>Warrior's shout increased everyone's strength by 10%
>PR day for everyone

>>42393981
don't worry, this is a low level quest. You can go through gains goblins room with a dumbbell and a plate shield. To kill their boss you need to have a skull crusher skill activated and perform it about 20 times on him. This move takes a lot of your mana so make sure to take couple of protein potions with you.

>>42393943
>gym Indian shits everywhere

>>42394070
Next time just throw him in the Manlet pit for a few days, that always straightens out plate thieves.

>>42393514
>not putting 'do not disturb' signs on the ends of your barbell
is this your first rodeo?

>gym raid night
>the crossfitter tries to pull
>snaps his shit up
>nobody revives him

>>42394168
I abolished the manlet pit in my province, it's a barbaric practice.

>be stealth class
>never lifted a weight
>just pickpocket everyone's gains
>actually the biggest dude in the gym
When did you realize rogue/thief was the most effective playstyle?

>>42394231
>he wants manlets to pour into his duchy
why?

>tfw you find out your gym receptionist swapped your weekly testosterone shots for estrogen as a prank
She can kiss her tips good bye

>>42393981
>tfw manlets always dig too deep
>they never learn

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>>42393959
>some days climbing the stairs to the lobby to exit takes longer than it should. Much longer.
>i can't decide if my legs are tired or if im just not getting closer to the top.
>they sell protein powder at the counter, but why do the containers look like they're leaking a liquid? What kind of protein powder is red anyway
>there's lifting equipment now, that Ive never seen before. In shapes I've never seen before. Shapes that make your head hurt
>the mirrors are clouded over and filthy but i don't wipe away the dust. Id rather not see what's around me more than is necessary.
>even so I saw those weird machines moving. They clank and shift like normal workout machines. They groan too. Not like metal does when it's tensioner. Like people moan. I don't go that area anymore, I'll just use free weights now.

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>>42394231
>manlet pits are barbaric
enjoy your height-mixed gym population faggot.

>gym alchemist ran out of strength potions
>only stamina potions left
It's cardio day I guess.

>>42394258
I found it was more humane simply to put them down them when they reached adulthood.

>doing deadlifts
>gym necromancer loads up double my pr and raises it with minimal effort

when will this bonebag just fuck off.

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>trying to focus on squatting
>The blacksmith left his anvil in the middle of the squat rack and it's getting in the way
>keep losing track of my reps

>>42394320
You always do this, Sir Scooby.
Don't belittle me and cast doubt on my sexuality in front of my subjects.

>>42393181
>Can't go from station to station without 8 random encounters
The XP gains are great but I can't keep spending all day just to do 6 exercises.
I also hope the encounters don't scale to your level, it's enough of a pain in the ass to flatten 5 pajeets in jeans, I don't want to have to confront a Chad pack.

>talk to gym mage
>tells me he's cutting and trying keto but it's pretty hard to stick to
>see him conjure a muffin in the locker room
Never gonna make it.

>going for bench PR
>roll my lucky die
>1
>barbell breaks my wrists and bends them backwards
>bar slips down, falls on my chest and breaks all ribs
>dead

that'll teach me to roll for gains

>double XP weekend
>gym empty
>get all the gains
>later found out everyone was raiding the club
>can't get any pussy for the next couple of weeks until the thots respawn

>>42394377
Brethren mine, that's there for for box squats. Once your glutes are hard enough to shape steel you may remove the anvil. Your spotting squire should be putting the heated blank (known to some as a "squat plug") on the anvil and quenching it between sets.
you must have your ass-forged-sword inspected by the resident squatsmith to remove the anvil.

>>42394444
>Not speccing Barbarian for the natural +4 to all Strength rolls.
Fucking asking for it mate.

>>42394444
at least you got Quads

>>42394444
You need more GLP (gym lifting points) to roll high numbers. Get some noobs in your group and lift weights they can't in front of them. Easy way to gain lots of GLP and they gain some XP too.

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>roll wizard
>half way through starting magic
>eat a strict diet to ensure maximum noob mental gains
>pick and choose every exercise before hand to make sure I'm making the most of my time

>new sorcerer joins the gym
>eats pizza and mead every day
>is already fucking the cardio rouge
>does whatever exercises he feels like that day
>surpasses all my progress in a week

When did you realize genetics is the only thing that matters?

>>42393948

That's Pumpelswoleskin, he'll spot you if you ask.

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>>42394459
if you were a level 42 wizard like me you could just spawn your own bitches
>walk into the gym
>cast empowered bull's strength
>morph into minotaur
>get ready to deadlift the earth
>employ god-tier telekinesis for that extra umph
>LIGHT WEIGHT BABY
>lift earth about 10 feet upward

feels good bein a virgin

>>42394571
he's probably casting some forbidden fraud spells in the meditation room

>>42394571
Ask your gym administrator to have a look, it might be a smurf account.

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>>42394604
>smurf account
I fucking hate these bastards in ranked... I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF GOLD YOU ASSHOLES

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>>42394231
>abolished manlet pit

NIBBA YOU DID WHAT

>>42394401
>tfw a legendary Chad spawns at the entrance
Had to wait for the gym master to recall the main gym party and clear it.

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>>42394459
>until the thots respawn

>>42394571
Found your problem, you studied the cursed tome
>lookism
It bestows you with the subclass
>sadcunt
To cure it you have to go out and interact with normal people. There's also a subclass called
>sickcunt
You can multiclass into and it'll help turn your perspective around.

>>42394325
>not having 200m herb and making overloads yourself
Why are you even at the gym?

>>42394639
A buddy of mine aggroed a Mutant [humanity level: 0] one time
They're still trying to dig him out from under all the protein powder to res him.

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>>42394764
oh I have plenty of herb

>>42394318
More, I love this

>tfw can only roll Rare dumbells
Is there any way to get some Ultra Rares without paying money

>>42394795
>I find things around the gym now, besides dust, and spiders.
>I found a compete set of clothes laying on the floor, soaked in sweat, and filled with ashes or dust. Even the shoes.
>I made eye contact with the receptionist today and she just started screaming with a totally placid expression

>>42393316
kek

>>42394042
did i stutter?

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>be 5'10 gym dwarf
>kobolds broke into the protein mines again
>take my trusty barbell spear and clear them out
>mfw

I fuckibg love this thead

>>42393482
Kek

>>42394258
They always dig their way out eventually

>>42394848
You can always steal them from a high level Chad who's afk between sets to recharge his mana. If you don't mind bad karma... But be careful of the random encounters with Chad avengers and summoned nigger barbarians.

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>>42394956
Hello, brother. Have you seen my axe?

I'm having many keks and I don't want this thread to die

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>finally see an empty squat rack
>45lb plates wont come off the rack
>see sign, each plate costs $1 or 100 gymbux points to unlock
>only have 38 gymbux points after 100 hours lifting
>fucking p2w

>Go to planet fitness as it is the only gym in my town
>Betty is stuck in the only entrance again. Have to wait for the employees to butter her up and push her through.
>Late at night so all the food at the buffet is cold and old
>Decide to warm up at the gym starbucks
>Transexual Syrian Refugee asks me in broken english if I want milk in my double mocha latte
>Lactose intolerant so I ask for it black
>Look of hororr on his face as the lunk alarm start blaring
>Handcuffed and put on the judgment free zone trebuchet
>Naked 500 pound man in voodoo masks chant lunk and dances around me in a circle before I'm flung out into the parking lot.

All I wanted was a god damn coffee.

>>42395113
>he didn't bind +left in his idling script
I spent 6 days in the gym before getting kicked for idling.

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>It's been 12 years now since the Great Gains supercomputer gained sentience
>His first act was to seal the gym completely from the outside world, leaving only myself, 2 manlets, Pajeet, Chad and Stacy trapped inside these walls forever
>He hates us so and takes great pleasure in torturing us. Endless cardio, lifting for hours without pause and without gains, forcing us to endure great burdens that destroy our joints

I can't hide from him for long, if you receive this message, send help, please.

>gym manlet rogue backsnaps me mid-deadlift
>loots all my gains
>has smoke bombed and disappeared before I can even corpse run from the locker room
>now I'm a DYEL and some fucking gnome has my gains

Fucking little sneak bastards

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>go to gym with my pregnant wife
>notice all the cardio bunnies on the treadmills are pregnant
>fuckno.png
>the gym Bull (pic related) spots us
>he punches my wife in the gut to abort our baby
>we head home, I cry all night
>a week later my wife wants to go to the gym again, try to convince her not to but she says she'll just go without me
>decide to go with her
>gym Bull is there again, he beats the shit out of me
>wife immediately drops down to the floor and gets in the breeding position, ass in the air
>he rips off her yoga pants and fucks her right there, I keep crying and begging her to stop but she won't
>he knocked her up on the first fuck
>by the terms of the gym membership agreement I have to raise the baby as my own :(

>>42394075
Best one yet. Im painting a mental picture of this

>>42394184

God dammit

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>>42394245

>>42395254

Same thing happened in my gym, only it's just me, a gay guy and a huge penis, a cardiobunny and a skelly. The Gainzputer turned the skelly into a trap and made the gay guy straight and retarded, and declared traps to not be gay. Me and the now-potato have been fucking the trap for 500 years now since time moves slower in the gym and we are now immortal while the cardiobunny is cursed to do a never-ending ass workout while posting to instagram. She's frustrated because the Gainzputer turned her sex drive way up but none of us fuck her.

Such is life in the gym.

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>tfw when hamdimension sucks all the plates into orbit around her
>can't fucking get them without falling into orbit
>can't fucking do manlet dumbbell throws
>put a petition in for the Chad Association to fix the problem
>send a Brad because all the Chads are battling the gains goblins in the creatine mines
>Brad can't do shit against the giant slam piggie
>ends up crushed beneath her during her leg extension set
>now I have to find a new gym
anyone know how to fix this problem?

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>fucking chads use me as horse to pull hexbar chariot
>tfw all cardiobunnies laughing at me
I hate being 3'6"

>change room helper doesn't apply enough deodorant to my under arms
>gym pit inspectors come by while I'm doing overhead press and fine me 0.1 lb of muscle mass from my gains
>as I'm leaving the change room helper shakes his empty protein jug at me for a tip

The audacity of some people.

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>little asian girl can lift more than me
i hate jrpg's so fucking much

>>42393470
I've read stuff like this before but I can't remember where. Can some kind anon recommend me books of this nature?

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>doing 5x5 kegel routine in gym showers
>gym rat asks if I need a spot
>go to receptionist and tell her that she should call pest control
>she's ignoring me because I forgot to tip on my way in

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>>42393604

>>42394571
kek underrated

>>42393470
>>42394318
>>42394865
this is great

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>>42393181
>Stacy starts doing stepping machine directly in front of you as you work through cardio

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>grinding protein points from the manlet pit
>Finally leveled enough to upgrade my hexbar club into barbell spear
>Now high level Chads spawn in the gym and wreck me in one hit
>Manlets loot my corpse
>Back to the creatine mines for me

>>42393181
shit thread not fitness related

sage

>>42394571
>>42393470
>>42396358
Best in thread.

>>42396473
T..thanks senpai

>>42393211
Kek

>>42393470
>>42394318
>>42394865
Reminds me of Burgrr, seriously creepy shit

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Burgrr_Entries

>Finally farmed enough resources in the protein mines to get the gym blacksmith to craft me an adamantite barbell

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>>42393604
>>>>>>>>>>

>>42393181
>doing bench 5x5
>4th set, struggling on 4th rep, IDK if I can make 5th
>couldn't hire gym cleric, a group of cardiobunnies got in early for their spin class
>he casts mass cure light wounds on them
>I'm in the aoe
>refreshed
>smash out the rest of my bench, hit 8 reps on set 5
>everything went better than expected

What's a /fit/ approved RPG?

>>42394795
>>42396174
>>42396929
Sorry for the delay guys, I was visiting some family. I actually only wrote the second two, big shoutout to the original guy. I'll write another part presently.

>tfw notice gym crush has a tattoo
DROPPED

>>42397937
Going to the gym

>>42397937
life

>gym necromancer's skeletons are using bench press
>tfw they don't even have muscles
>tfw too beta to ask to work in with them
They just sit there making bone puns in between sets too

>>42398204

I do this

>>42398213

How do I do this

>>42398219

Are any of them humerus?

>>42397937
A life in silks

>>42394619
gitgud

>>42394337
>manlets
>adulthood
When will they learn?

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>row of power racks down the wall
>black guy walks up and takes the empty one in the middle
>guys on either side of him finish up quickly and leave
>two more black guys take their place
>guys on either side of them finish up and leave
>tfw i try getting plates from the dispenser to take one of the racks
>price has gone up
>didnt expect this, short on quarters
>cant afford to squat today

>start hoisting
>orc chads really friendly and cool to me all of a sudden
>wizard bros seem increasingly resentful and faggy lately
can anybody relate?

>>42394318
Please sir, can I have some more?

This is honestly the best thread on /fit/ right now.

>>42398550
>squats
>ever
Never gonna make it...

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>>42393181
I SWING MY SWORD IN THE WIND

>>42393211
bro 4 and 7 are relatively prime
don't be a brainlet

>>42398846
No shit brainlet, any prime number and any other number that isnt a multiple of said prime are coprime.

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>>42398698
>>42394795
>>42396174
>>42396929
>today is leg day
>I wear the shoes I found in the dust, they fit me perfectly. It doesn't feel wrong somehow, it feels like they should be mine.
>I work up to my working sets in the silent gym.
>You ever experience silence that had mass? Weight? So quiet I almost im afraid to make noise
>that's how it feels when i get under the bar
>the bar itself is oddly sticky, and the weights are deformed and misshappen, slightly oblong and dented.
>I can't recall if they were like that when I started my set.
>how long have i been squatting anyway?
>the bar fits to my back perfectly. As though there was a groove there for it
>the only sound is my own breathing. I can almost hear the blood pumping to my quads and core
>I'm midway through set, maybe, I lost count, when I hear shrieking and groaning so loud, so close, I can't even think
>I wrench my body sideways to see what that sound is
>the weights clang against the rack and fall from my shoulders
>it's those machines, the ones that I can't wrap my head around. I know without seeing.
>I'm shaken up from fucking up the squat so bad, but I can see someone in the machine nearest me
>the receptionist is....on it. In it? It's not entirely clear. The thing shifts and twists, it's shape not concrete or definable
>what is clear is that she's screaming
>her expression is completely placid and calm like before, but the sound coming from her is piercing . And theres tears in her eyes
>not tears
>blood
>the machine groans and screams with her
>arms aren't supposed to bed that way
>I want to do something, want to help
>My feet are rooted in place, the shoes I claimed from before keep me stuck
>there's something all over the floor around me. It cracks and crackles as I shift my weight
>it's not the shoes that are keeping me stuck, it's the thick coating of dried blood covering them, coating my shoes and my legs. Streaming down from my shoulders
>how long was I squatting?

>>42398973
not always prime if it is your number of reps to failure

>>42398625
>didn't feel like starting empty bar
>forgot Javascript doesn't hoist initialized bars
>bench compiler said I wasn't defined enough
now I need to eat under to afford my salary cuts
fucking shit language I swear

>>42399005
Heh, bretty good desu. Nice one. Fag.

>>42399004
bruh... that last sentence got me

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>>42399004

>>42394318
Id love to read some fit/fantasy short story with shit like this. Great writing

>>42393181
>BEWARE, BEWARE THE DYELBORN COMES

>>42394444
>final set of bench
>fail rep
>place bar as close to hips as possible
>everyone in gym watching on
>begin the roll of shame
>crit
>finish rep

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>>42399073
>>42399117
>>42398698
>>42394795
>>42396174
>>42396929
>it was too much blood
>it couldn't be mine, it was simply too much
>but the throbbing from my shoulders and the fact that I could barely move my arms argued otherwise
>i don't know how long I was trying to free myself from the shoes
>by the time I fumbled open the straps and laces the noise had stopped
>that awful noise. Two voices screaming together. I could swear the second was harmonizing with it.
>the ambient noise if the gym had returned, the broken wurring of the A.C., the crackle from the speakers.
>I couldn't move my legs, the muscles were beyond exhaustion. I don't know how I had still been going.
>I dragged myself as close to the machine as I could. My back and shoulders screamed as I hauled across the gym
>I know I shouldn't have but I reached back and felt where the bar had rested.
>There was a groove into my back. Like a cylinder pressed into modeling clay. I could even feel the knurling. It had already scabbed over
>I stopped at the pec dec machine, I was afraid to cross the line where the floor began to slope towards those strange pieces of equipment
>looking into it to try and see if the receptionist was still using it gave me a feeling in my gut like a hernia
>no sign of her
>or anyone, even the dust and traces I had found before were gone
>the speakers stopped crackling
>I looked up the stair to the lobby
>there she was at the desk
>I couldn't see her whole body from where i layed
>maybe that's a good thing.

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>>42399278
>her arm nearest me hung at her side. It was twisted around and around like a rope. Bone jutted out in strange ways.
>her hips and waist faced away from me, but her ribcage was twisted halfway through so her shoulders faces me
>Her other arm passed through itself. Like it had been bent back in a semicircle and the hand.....merged through the bicep
>her body twitched and jerked randomly, maybe trying to learn what nerves connected where now.
>Her jaw, now unhinged hung slackly at her chest
>her eyes were fixed on me
>and they weren't vacant any more
>they were aware
>and horrified

>>42399241
Maybe I'll write one up, I'm having a lot of fun with this. Thanks anon

>visit gym 30 consecutive days
>brought into office and presented with catacombs key and forced to sign NDA
>dimly lit with oil lanterns
>find bonfire that requires lighting, however it sparks up when my hand hovers above it
>attempt to rest and absorb surrounding area when I am attacked by manlet guild wielding twizzler bars
>feign them with noogies as I never began my arm workouts
>drops twin humanities, cloth covered in different crude paintings of dogs

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>be me
>finish a dl set
>felt good cause I pl8'd up
>lanklet asks if he can work in
>sure, whatever
>start getting ready to rack some of the weights
>actually, leave them on will ya chap
>proceeds to add 2 more pl8s on each side, has to ask neighboring rack
>struggles to put it in position
>you sure about this bro?
>yeah, got my pre-workout from the chemist this morn
>as he starts to lift, realize he's not trying to dead it, he's going to clean it
>ohshitniggerwhatareyoudoing
>he does it with ease
>proceeds to do 20, I repeat, twenty. 2 and a 0 reps OHP, perfect form, perfect pace, nary breaking a sweat
>cool, eh
>wait you're canuck now? fuck that, how'd you do that
>after some fussing, makes me add him on fb, he'll send me the shit later
>says he's done and leaves
>finish my workout, was OK, no other PRs
>couldn't have my right arm meet my left in my underarm stretches though
>check phone in locker room
>dude sent me a pdf of "Attempting AGI"
>check his position
>Assassin Cross at Ol' Chariot Party
>fucking WoEfags

>>42396358
I would unironically play a game with this

>>42397937
Persona 5, dragons dogma, bloodborne/ds1/DeS,

>go to a bardic college
>excited as fuck to get out there in the world and inspire some adventurers
>almost die after a single dungeon crawl
>made a pathetic 10gp
>have to work in a gym inspiring roidheads to lift more
>the gym barbarians constantly mock me

>remove robe and enter gym through side entrance
>bend the knee to the cardio queen as I walk in long strides toward the bench press
>manlet goblins juggling pussy pads while Chadorc removes Lesser Chad for barbell flyes after 6PM.
>protein mages gather and cast spell of audience as Chadorc attempts 5 sets of flat bench flyes while doing barbell ankle raises
>not for strength, but so nobody else can use the bar
>manlets thriw twizzler bar through Ye Olde Creat-Inn window in retaliation for removing wooden step ladders in Bosu Ball Stables
>small fires break out when bosu balls are thrust onto treadmills repeatedly
>Queen declares martial law for fifth time today

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>>42399286

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>16th century gym
>greensleeves starts playing

>>42399004
>>42399278
Bring back /fitlit/

>>42394418
kek

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>certain gym opens at 6 am this morning
>get hyped and ready, take pwo 8 am
>gym doesn't open until 9 am
>mfw just sitting at my table and vibrating silently with a blank face

>Get jacked up on pwo
>Gym closed this particular day
>Don't know what to do with myself
>Stand outside the closed gym door for half an hour staring into space and seeing sounds before going home to masturbate

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>>42399627

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one in this particular scenario. At least my gym opens in an hour. I don't know whether to take more pwo or what. I'll probably take more.

>>42399653
Rub some on your butthole before you put your squat plug in

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>0HP
>do it anyway

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>>42399663

>ever taking it out

>the treadmills don't work anymore. They never have now that I think about it. But why can I hear panting?
>I made the mistake of walking past the pool again. It's so murky now. I'm sure the faint gurgling is in my head but that man on the diving board certainly isn't. Why isn't he moving?
>something pulls me towards the sauna. I don't want to go inside but I don't seem to have a choice. There's a scuttling hiss coming through the steam. Are those... eggs?
>Why won't the bar go up? It's only 60 kilograms. A warmup set... It feels heavier than that. It's crushing me. I'm sinking. Why is the PT smiling?

Not the original guy but he inspired me to try my hand.

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>finished my set
>left the 25lb plates out to dry
>didn't realize they were the cotton ones
>they shrunk down to 10s
>3rd time this month
Fuck, anyone know how I can fix them? I can't pay for replacements, my mom already gave me my monthly allowance for receptionist tipping

>using push up machine
>check in to lanklet pit
>gym is empty besides the lanklet pit filled with guys over 6 ft
>put 50 lb plate on end of barbell and enter lanklet zone
>start swinging at lanklets and crushing their heads in and they cant see me cause I'm 4'3"
>kill last lanklet, he drops rare shoes
>bend over to pick them up, accidentally grunt and set off lunk alarm
>grab shoes and run as the manlet police chase me but cant catch up because they trip

Such is life in the gym

>>42399371
>Ye Olde Creat-Inn
10/10 Keks

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>finishing up OHP set
>notice newbie gym goer leaving just after his bullshit 20 min workout
>qt 3.14 counter girl smiles and says goodbye to him as hes leaving
>he completely ignores her
>no tip
>just walks right by
>leave the squat rack instantly and run after the bastard
>catch up to him
>put my hand on his shoulder and swing him around
>punch him right in the face and scream at the top of my lungs to show her some respect
>dude is scared shitless
>gets up and runs
>stand there shaking my head with my hands on my hips
>head back in
>give finger guns to counter girl and walk back to squat rack for my last set of OHP
>counter girl avoids eye contact and mumbles something about overcompensating manlets

Alpha as fuck

>>42394213
Underrated

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>roll warrior with high agility for them heart gains
>have the trait "King of 'Man-lets'"
>about to enter gym
>Bradguards grab me
>Gymlord says I have to go to the pit first
>get tossed in
>just a bunch of short fags there digging and fighting and shit
When the hell does this shitty tutorial end? I just want my gains

>went to the gym today
>forgot my wallet, think nothing of it, they know me
>gym receptionist stares at me as I stroll by with a smile
>quickly change into my shorts in the locker room
>hey look, I've grown because they're shorter than usual
>greeted by beefy pt as I exit locker room
>get paraded out of gym because I forgot my manlet permission slip
>can't go back because mum and her boyfriend won't sign it
>says I'm irresponsible for getting thrown out

>>42400446
>manlet pit
lucky you, at least you're considered a man, i rolled dwarf barbarian and was picked up by my cape and dropped at the dwarf pit

>>42394213
I kek'd

>>42400587
>implying
Manlets have to compete with actual men for fair maidens, you have dwarf girls and easy gains

>>42393316
10/10

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>>42393604

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>the weightroom jester made fun of my form again

bump because this is one of the best threads in a long ass time

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How the fuck do I beat this boss? (CrossFit Crevice dungeon)

>>42402292
Who is this thicc queen of braps?

>>42402292

What gender is this

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>>42393181
>go to gym religiously
>4 years in, still dyel
>mfw i realized it was unranked the whole time

>>42402313
Quynn, Androgynii Braphoggian, level 180, elite boss mob. Now how the fuck do I beat him, me and my gainsbros have over 300 wipes already

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>>42399479
>greensleeves starts playing
I don't know why I'm kekking but I am.

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>roll 5'9 knight
>fight through manlet pit with my trusty barbell sword and plate shield
>claw my way out of pit, armor beaten and worn
>realize I'm standing in the middle of my normal gym in a full suit of armor
>ask a blood elf if I can work in

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>Gym guards hostile because I was wearing my crossfit shirt
>take it off and they turn neutral and let me in

>>42402373
>
lmao

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>tfw the gym druid can lift more than you by shifting into bear form AND run faster than you by shifting into werewolf form
>tfw he gets free spotting and words of encouragement from his animal followers
>tfw cardio bunnies are naturally aligned towards him

It's not fucking fair.

>>42402638
I have the same problems with Chad necromancers clogging up the room with two dozen skeletons, and every time I try to access the curl shrine the thorns aura on his iron golem repels me.

>>42402671

That's why I recommend multiclassing into Cleric. If you just buff a few Chads with a low level "C'MON" or even a "ALL YOU BRO" (if you don't mind the long cooldown) you'll endear yourself pretty quickly to them and they'll tend to let you work in. Gets a bit of a pain in the ass when they keep trying to draft you as their healer for raids tho.

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>>42402671
>tfw you have an aura that only repels QTs and gains

end me lads

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>tfw forgot to wear my Headband of Mental Focus today
>tfw the gym mentalist noticed and started bringing up painful childhood memories during squats

I made zero progress with my lifts and in addition now require intense psychological therapy for the next 6 months. Guess that's what I deserve for ignoring the /fitlit/ threads and not working on mental gains.

>>42402448
Hail, ser knight.

>>42402387
>over 300 wipes already

eat more fiber

>be vamp
>can't see myself ib pics, mirrors or anything really
>do tons of leg extentions to get taller as I'm only 5'10
>gym purifier shows up and cleanses my vampirism
>realize I'm 180 pounds at 8 feet with 75% leg 25% torso now
FUCK, why did I extent my legs so much?!

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>Gym decides to institute a weekly day of silence for Zyzz The Fallen, the patron deity of the facility
>The gym enchanter takes this seriously enough that he casts an Aura of Silence upon the whole building
>Think it'll be fine; don't have to worry about triggering the lunk alarm at least
>But with no way to Shoo them away, the gains goblins run amok, stealing gains left and right
>Lose 3 months of progress in a single day

fug

>stuck at work late, get to gym late
>empty
>older guy walks in, starts benching
>only one there
>"NEED A SPOT BRO"
>kfine.jpg
>guy puts on a plate and knocks out 20 reps
>enjoy your cardio
>"PUT ON ANOTHER PLATE"
>sure bro
>20 more
>dafuq
>"THROW ANOTHER ONE ON BRO"
>gets to 15, starts shaking like a leaf
>move to grab bar
>"I GOT IT BRO MOVE"
>damn it, this fucker is going to drop it on his neck and die
>makes it to 20
>"MORE WEIGHT BRO"
>ask him how much he wants this time
>"I need about tree fiddy"

Goddamn loch ness monster.

>>42399812
Lmao at this sad power fantasy. You better hope Chad doesn't see it, or you'll get thrown in the manlet oubliette.

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>>42402712

>he didn't become a gymlich FOR the passive AoE

That's the best part dude. People have to leave the equipment you're after or they're dead in two sets.

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>trying to exercise
>guys playing fat boy in the hallways
>fat guy holding a bar with plates on one end like a hammer
>slowly trudging through hallway
>everyone goading him with grenade launchers and spartan lasers
>he smashes the furniture with the bar
>rubble hits me in the eye
>have to wait until the round ends to respawn

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>Gym's Aeromancer casts a levitate spell on the barbell as I lift it up, then removes it when it's time to lower it down

>>42404714
he probably thought you were trying to do barbell flies, just wanted to help you

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>gym-bro and i are doing rows
>manlet is fucking around in the power rack
>manlet transforms into a massive mecha-robot and charges at us
>gym-bro and i team up and defeat the manlet
>row
>row
>fight the power

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>gym manlet block access to the showers
>have to guess the secret password of the day
>keep forgetting to bring my decoder
>forced to help in the manlet mines
I fucking hate this

>>42393181
>Gym alchemist transmuted the plates into gold again.
FUCKING STOP

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>>42404948

>>42404966

Isn't gold less heavier than metal?

>>42404956
>playing manlet mind games
unless you're a dwarflet I see no reason not throw that manlet back to his pit

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>>42404979
Jesus, anon....

>>42405008
The manlet bouncer was there and if you try to hurt the shower manlet they push your shit in, take all protein points and give you a perma ban

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>>42404979

>>42404966
>be alchemist
>join gym
>DYEL as fuck
>ask to work in with barbarian squatting 5pl8
>transmute iron plates to magnesium
>squat it no problem
>transmute it back to iron after

Haven't seen a barbarian that confused High School Common Literature lmao

>>42405028
fucking Planet Fitness, I swear.

In my gym you get that only if you fail Penis Inspection Day.

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>got caught tunneling my way out of the manlet pit
>chads take turns using me for curls

>>42403509
LOL. i miss halo

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>>42404979
in pic related you can see putin curling 25lbs of gold

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>>42402448
>tfw chad steals my plate shield

>Reddit:the thread:the imageboard

>>42394586

Criminally underrated

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>Local gains goblins keep ransacking the gym
>Gym has to downsize and trade gymbuxs on bastardized weights that go in increments of 3.75 instead of 5

>>42396358
Kek

>>42393896
Tell slowmobius to fuck off back to planet fitness

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>gym bishop won't give you the increased gains buff
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

>>42394318
>>42394865
>>42393470
is this inspired by something? I'd love to read something with this type of atmosphere

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>>42405754
Reminds me of HP Lovecraft a bit
If you do read him realize that back then they used very different words.
For example he uses "humors" when talking about a smell and not about your one rep max.

>>42405842
humors are liquids in your body

>>42405849
No one calls them that anymore
We also don't name our cat like he did either

>>42405887
no one ever referred to smells by using the word humors, not lovecraft not anybody.

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>first day back at /fit/ gym
>must roll dubs to be allowed to use squat rack
>mfw
>forgot my squat plug anyways

>>42405922
check'd

>>42405898
I'm just saying he knew shit about how the body or physics works and he had beings flying to earth from Pluto with wings

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>>42405922

>>42394774
Give him some oil to revive him

>>42397937
Myfarog

>>42394025
kek

>>42404979
45 lbs is still 45 lbs goof

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>>42405922
Oh my.

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>the gym nigger stole my treadmill again

>>42405754
I was inspired by lovecraft, general body horror fiction, creepy pastas, etc. I know enough to keep it vague.

>>42393470
>>42394318
>>42394865
>>42395254

Damn excellent posts

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>>42406124
>Varg trying to shill his game in /fit/ so we play it instead of going to the gym
That isn't glorious, my pagan friend.

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>>42403509

>be gym capitalist
>have skellies and manlets working out for me and giving me their gains
Fuck, I love my job

>>42399286
Don't stop please

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>>42403509
>mfw I understand what you're talking about

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>>42393689
This? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WPCLda_erI

>>42408317
Been showing my family around the city, just dropped them at their hotel and I'll start another post

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>One of the craftier gains goblins has stolen enough gains to become a full-blown gains hobgoblin, according to the gym's ranger/tracker
>Has begun rallying the lesser gains goblins under a single banner, to better coordinate attacks on unsuspecting lifters on the surface level
>Rumors abound that the sneaky bugger has infiltrated the Manlet Pit, trying to incite a revolt among the spiteful munchkins against their much-despised Chad tormentors.
>Several manlets are interrogated; we realize we have no way of distinguishing the gains hobgoblin from the equally-wretched manlets.
>A raid on the labyrinthine creatine mines is called for, but no one wants to spend that much time wandering those shadowy corridors since wandering is considered aerobic exercise and would kill gains.
>As a stop-gap measure, a number of manlets are used to plug up the entrance to the mines; it seems to be working so far, but everyone knows an all-out assault on the gym itself is inevitable once the hobgoblin gets enough support

These are troubling times, lads. I'm considering switching to a different fitness center.

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>it's full plate day

>finally finish bullshit Grandmaster-tier vegan keto post-quest challenge
>years of work now come to fruition
>buy Perfectionist Plug from gym sage
>1 week later have to turn it in because gym mods added a new machine
the work of a completionist is never done

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>>42394075

>>42408635
>they don't let you keep it by being grandfathered in, or at least give you a couple of months grace time to master the new machine

Is the gym manager korean by any chance?

can anybody recommend a shirt to prevent joggers nipple?

>>42409222
Fuck wrong thread

>>42394168
I don't understand why manlets pay a fee to be thrown into a pit...

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>>42409222
Just get some of pic related to protect your fragile nips.

Bonus, you can eat them near the end of your run for a cheeky energy boost.

>>42409287
They cry and scream about their fate, but in their hearts they know they are an Affront to the natural order and must be Punished

>>42409222
>Make request for non-nipple-chafing shirt at the gym's clothier
>All the gym's seamstresses just laugh at the nipplelet
>nipples start bleeding out of embarrassment
>try to scramble out of there
>seized by gym vampires who turn you into their mobile refreshment stand

>>42395254
I have no gains and I must scream.

>>42409292
>ask gym candyman to stock these for my treadmill sessions
>he gives me a weird look but sees the sense in it so he agrees
>next week
>pick up some candy tassels through the gym commisiary and go to the change room
>people laugh and jeer as I put them on but some are looking interested
>go in, jog for a while, and come out with un-bloodied nipples
>people stare at me with awe, a conquering hero
>next week, next session
>come in
>everyone who does cardio has started using the tassels
>become known in the gym as "Nipple-man Ned"
>beloved by all
>sadly, it was not to last
>come in again the following week, the gym is a reeking sticky mess
>find a curlbro stuck to the wall, not long to live, and ask him to tell me what happened
>all was peacefull for a time, but then a stacy saw one of the lads wearing the tassels through the side of his shirt and asked what it was
>he tried to resist, but she uses her whore vagina magick to compel him
>soon, all the stacies started wearing the tassels
>then, they started wearing them without even tops or bras, titties bouncing in time with their runs
>gains production dropped 400% due to the distraction, but even the manager was too beta to ask them to stop
>the crisis only reached it's peak, however, when the chads returned from their annual pilgrimage to the site of Zyzz (pbuh) death
>seeing the stacies bared chests, they became equally aroused and enraged
>the resulting orgy took over the whole gym floor, and even made it's way into the stockroom where the tassels were stored
>due to all the violent pounding going on, the candy was quickly crushed into powder that mixed with the semen and assorted juices into a pycrete-like substance
>soon, the gym was covered in this as the chads hive-building instict kicked in, and anyone without the required upper body strength to escape was trapped or killed
>it ended up taking over a month for the exterminators and the national guard to take back the gym

>>42408528
Thanks dude, your writing is pretty great and unsettling

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Saved some for myself, in case anyone is interested.

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>>42409456

>gym buffet ran out of crab legs

fuck this gym

>>42409816
appreciate it

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>>42399286
>I can't move anymore, my legs are dead weight and my arms are stuck, more blood makes me stick to the floor
>it dries unnaturally fast it seems. I'm starting to realize I don't know what day it is. Or what time of day I came in. Fuck how did i even get here.
>the gibbering mass that used to be the receptionist is gurgling and sobbing above me
>I think it's trying to move towards me but its joints arent were they should be, even the ones not pulverized
>every twitch and step is accompanied by a sob and a fresh stream of viscera from the corner of her gaping maw
>i hear a new sound coming from near the water fountain.
>it sounds like a voice deep in the pipes
>it has the wet, phlegm sound like someone who just coughed up a lungfull of water. Or blood.
>"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY"
>the same voice that asked me a question when I first noticed the breakdown of order in the gym
>the same voice that used to greet me when I would sign in
>but now it was cracked and broken fundamentally
>the receptionist spoke through the pipe, the sound of a completely devestated mind unmoored from it's wrecked body
>WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYMEWHYEHWHYWHYWHY
>I wonder how much of an actual person had been in there this whole time
>I'm starting to black out, I'm completely cemented to the floor by dried blood
>the thrashing of the receptionist had knocked over the "protein powder"
>a steady stream of the red sticky powder ran down the steps and mixed with my slowly spreading puddle of red
>how much of that sticky sweet paste have i used lately? I had been skipping a lot meals, I needed something to fuel my lifts.
>I have so much red cement leaking from me, it's almost like a cocoon now

>>42409603
I'm really glad you think so anon, I havnt ever written much fiction. Maybe I should do more, I've gotten a lot of (you)s though that may just be 2 or 3 anons who are really feeling it.

>>42393181
This thread is what happens when reddit spills into this board.

Not really fitness related.

Sage.

>>left stick to move, right stick for view
>>hold y to interact with weights
>>hold y to interact with weights
>>hold y to interact with weights

Is there a more overrated game?

>>42394586
Best kek of thread

>>42393316
And now you know why they have that day.

Also I hope you tipped the vomit bucket boy afterwards.

>>42393458
>raped
>on creatine
you wanted it faggot

>>42394037
>>42394134
I think you're thinking of the wrong flavor of Indian. He's probably talking about corn-flavor, not curry-flavor.

>>42409930
Now it's 3 or 4 anons who are feeling it. Have yourself a shiny (you) honestly earned.

>>42408516
>Find a notepad in the squat rack
>Someone wrote out their whole workout down as they went but in an instructional form
>starts with "Hi guys this is xXedgenameXx and today I will show you how to workout"
>"When you first walk in make sure to tip the receptionist"
>He goes back and respells receptionist 3 times

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>local cardio priestess is possessed by gym demon
>Decide to man up and try to purify her
>Before I can, the Chad Monk who only does preacher curls steps in front of me and attempts the cleansing ritual
>Ends up killing her
>mfw I didn't get to do any exorcise

>>42393470

Same, but the fucking Pakis here still won't leave.

>a machine puzzle bars the entrance and you don't have a single splitbro in the party to solve it

I was going to class into it after I got a strength base. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

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>>42393316

>>42409911

>tfw Pajeets are hogging the crab forks again

Looks like I'm missing another leg day.

>>42393316
damn

>>42394571
gr8 one m8

>>42394318
I'm hammered and these posts are hurting my brain :^(

>>42394586
>pumpleswoleskin
lost