I've been diagnosed with alcohol intolerance because of

>>42226398
Is that Sufjan Stevens?

>>42226413
no it's me, or how I feel in life

>>42226398
Just babysit one drink

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>>42226604
They'll notice. And I can't pretend I'm Michael Westen or some kind of spy and drop the drink into a plant because someone will see me and i'll end up looking like an autistic retard

>>42226398
just tell em you turn into a bad man when you drink

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>>42226398
>mfw abstemic

>>42226398
Op its as easy as "i dont drink anymore" you no balls weasel

>>42226628
If you're at a bar take your drink with you to the bathroom and dump it. Or be devilish and order yourself a ton of "jack and cokes" and stay sober on just coke. Your concern seems to be sticking out for not drinking so what would be the point of taking something to make you feel drunk?

Just say "I have a stomach condition" you don't have to mention your guts or go into grisly details

>>42226678
If anyone tells me this I'd assume that guy gets the shits and I can imagine him pooping liquid literally right there

What I have causes constipation though and same feelings of food poisoining (fever and such)

>>42226398

Synthehol. A benzodiazepine of some sort can lend an inebriated state.

I'm assuming these company affairs will have an open bar, just ask the bartender for a club soda with lime, it will look just like a gin & tonic.

Another route to take would be making up a story about a history of alcoholism. You're 3 years sober and going strong, or something. No one would pressure you into drinking after that.

"I don't like who I am when I drink" could work if you're attractive, if you're unattractive it will just make you seem autistic though.

>>42226709

Or just be honest about your inability to consume it, while massaging the "why" part. You could simply say your body is no longer to metabolize alcohol, and if you were to consume it, you'd exhibit symptoms similar to those of food poisoning.

It really sounds like you're overthinking this one, guy.

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>>42226398
Poison their drinks. Dead people can't laugh at your fucked up digestive system.

>>42226752

To add on this, if someone asks about what it feels like or whatever, just describe what it is actually like for a person whose liver can't metabolize alcohol. Tell them to remember a time when they were so liquored up that they felt nauseous, the room was spinning, etc. Then say, thats what I experience after one drink. Next.

>>42226813
if you told this to me I would laugh at you and think you're a complete pussy. Do not ever tell this to a woman, especially if she has a drink in her hand.

>>42226398
just eat a raw carrot everyday and your IBS problems will go away instantly

>>42226719
Not OP but I'm assuming hes relatively young, so the whole "I was an alcoholic for 10 years and now im going on three years sober" wont really work if hes in his 20s

>>42226751
I'm probably a 6-7/10, but not genuinely attractive.

>>42226752
I don't care about explaining myself as much as I care about the fact parties are insufferable and I can't stand them. I get extremely bored and I'm not very social. And I don't think most people are genuinely different, they just have more fun because they're drunk. I don't want to *have* fun, just be less stressed and bored.

>>42226755
Good idea, but I don't want to go to prison. I'll pass for now.

>>42226813
>that they felt nauseous, the room was spinning, etc.
I don't experience any of that. That's not what happens when you can't digest alcohol. You just first a stomach ache and after a few hours your body gets poisoned basically. It doesn't happen after one drink. In the past I had several shots of vodka. Of course after that I was sick for a week or two, but during the time I was drinking I didn't feel anything.
It was vodka with some nice fruity drink so it was pretty delicious. And I was young :(

>>42226835
He didn't know the real symptoms. He just described being drunk basically and that's not what happens.

>>42226851
Tell me more, I'm interested (really)

>>42226890
I'm 25

Do extasy

>>42226398
just say you have a medical condition and don't elaborate. you don't need to. makes you not look like a cuck but you don't have to go into details about your shits

I used to have a drug/alcohol problem and have quit drinking for the past six years. It makes having a social life hard in your mid twenties when all normies ever want to do is go to the bar or drink at a sports ball game. I just tell people alcoholism runs in my family so I don't drink anymore to avoid the stigma of being an alcoholic/addict.

>>42226937
>Tell me more, I'm interested (really)
it just kinda works, i started trying it after i saw it somewhere here and after doing it for a bit i realized i could drink milk with barely any problems. i am lactose intolerant, i still am and cant digest lactose but it doesnt make me feel sick anymore

>>42226398
Haven't you ever heard of weed?

>>42226398
There are plenty of girls that don't drink, even in social settings. You're not alone.

You could always date a Mormon

>>42226398
why don't you just tell everyone you are allergic to alcohol and it could end really bad if you drink?

It's pretty sad when alcohol can cause real problems in your life (alcoholism, cirrhosis, DUI, etc) and yet you get literally shunned for not doing it

How the fuck is not drinking on a date bad? Why do you HAVE to drink a work social gatherings

Why the fuck are you SHUNNED for not drinking alcohol?

>>42226398
Just say you don't drink. Doesn't have to be a big thing like all the retards are saying. If asked why, just say you have alohol intollerance and it makes you sick. In what world would that be a deal breaker for anyone? Lmao. Just dont talk about wattery shits or whatever, and it will be 0% weird.

>>42227684
Can I cut it into really small slices? I fucking hate vegetables

>>42227699
Smells like shit and it's illegal in my country. Sounds like a good idea to go to a public bar with company people and smoke a joint.
I'm not 12

>>42227740
I'm asking for alternatives, fucking idiot. I just want to enjoy parties like a normie without beer. Any recommendations instead of talking more about alcohol?

>i recently had a date with a girl

FUCKING NORMIE GET THE FUCK OUT

also just say you have a genetic intolerance to alcohol or something, its not a lie.

>>42227778
You're not willing to take any suggestions because you're too much of a pussy. Smoke week before you go. Pop pills while you're there. Do coke in the bathroom. Fuck man. If you want to get fucked up, there's 100 ways to do it without alcohol.

>>42227778
>smells like shit and its illegal
>none of my coworkers smoke, i know they are all good people
god damn, you are super straight edge. no wonder people find you somewhat weird. There is nothing wrong with not smoking but you need to understand almost everyone has tried marijuana, illegal or not.

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>>42227778
Dude, I'm starting to realize why people don't find you fun. And its not because you refuse to drink or smoke.

>>42227778
>Can I cut it into really small slices?
yeah you can chuck it in a blender and blend it up if you want, all that matters is that you dont cook it
but to be honest you should just learn to like vegetables, no need to be childish about it

>>42227799
I'm literally asking for drug alternatives here.
Just not weed. It smells like shit.

>>42227804
I don't care about using other illegal drugs, retard, I just don't like weed. The smell and the overall feeling, doesn't make me happy or entertained, it just makes me sleepy and puts me in a bad mood desu.

Unlike LSD that does it for me but I wouldn't go tripping to a fucking corporate party.

I know they are not saints, I'm not a saint either, you are an absolute idiot for assuming things out of 4 posts. I tried weed as well. I don't like it, why is it so hard for you weedfags to understand?

>>42227847
Seriously thank for this, I will try it.

>>42227847
But. I. Don't. LIKE THEM!

>>42227897
you are a child, straight and simple. Grow up or stay weird to everyone. No one cares if you don't smoke or not

>>42226851
Bullshit. I eat shredded carrot almost everyday at work and it doesn't do anything. Where the fuck do people get these ideas for magic cures?

Or you know, stop being a degenerate fuck because there exists a world outside of drugs and alcohol.How weak do you have to be that you can't say "nah, I don't drink alcohol" ? Just get some juice or something you fuck, only 12 year olds fall for peer pressure

Just say you're Jewish. I claim to be a Jew as an easy excuse for a shit tonne of things.

>>42226937
>>42227778
>>42227897
Yeah, people thinking you're a weirdo is not because you don't drink.

>>42226719
Lol, are you retarded. Never talk about your medical or substance abuse problems in the workplace.
That shit can backfire like hell.