ITT: shit normalfags say >No anon i haven't been dieting,

>>42084290
>You shouldn't workout so often

>>42084290
> Diet and exercise doesn't work for me

I've heard this multiple times.

>>42084290
>you shouldn't do squats with so much weight you could get injured
I barely squat 2pl8 for 3x5

>>42084290
>"no I don't want to use protein shakes, I want natural muscles"

>>42084290
>Those death grips you do are so bad for you!

>I'm too poor to eat healthy

Fine, just eat less of what you're eating.

>I'm too busy to go to the gym.

>>42084532
hold up hol upWOAH WOah woah woooaaaaah

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>im having a cheat day

>calorie counting?
>I don't want to turn it into a science, anon!

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>>42084290

>You look fine just the way you are anon, don't lose too much weight
>Don't try to lift too much anon

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>"hey anon, can you make me a workout plan?"
>makes beginner workout
>they drop it after a week

>turn down having ice cream or donuts
>"hahaha looks like anon is DIETING again, cant ruin those abs!!"
>everybody points and laughs

>"anon take me to the gym with you!"
>call them in the morning
>"oh i cant go, i have class and work and exams and sleep"
>all week

>"dont let your knees go over your toes on squats!"

>"What? no dude just skip the gym and come drink"

>"I just want to get toned"

>I'm getting fat, I need to go to the gym
>tomorrow though, im busy today

>No I;m serious, you HAVE to try eating oreos and peanut butter, its soooo good together!
>Hold on, i need to order more cheesy bread
I watched the girl who said this go from an 8/10 to maybe a 5/10 in 3 months because of this

>Get slightly upset
>"hahaha woah take it easy there roids, just take your tren and calm down!!"

>>42084860
>normies
>even knowing what tren is

>>42084860
Man, people you know suck.

>"Hey anon how did you lose so much weight?"
>Tell them I ate less
>My answer seems to piss her off

What do you want me to tell you god damn it?!

>>42084860
>oreos and peanut butter
Oh god it sounds so good. Imagine crushing up oreos over peanut butter ice cream.

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>>42084860
>oreos and peanut butter

>>42084909
Whenever people ask how I lost my weight, I just tell them I ate less and moved more in a very deadpan manner. A couple of girls at my work have asked me before, looking for some magic trick or secret.

>>42084918
If I let myself imagine this I'll give in, so no, I refuse. Gonna make a steak and sweet potato fries instead.

>calorie counting?
>But I want to enjoy my life anon

as if getting a rough estimate of the amount of calories you've eaten isn't easy af

My mom told me that I was getting too big when I'm a 195lb 6'4" lanklet. I'm actually a little depressed with the fact that I can't get bigger.

>>42084931
>>42084909
Just say something like "Couple of pushups and situps every morning" or something like that. You have to make it look easy to piss them off even more.

>>42084909
you offered them the truth they didn't want to hear

>>42084954
That's why I say what I do. It's as true as it is vague, and people get upset when you dont disclose some super secret trick thst Cosmo must have missed.

>>42084942
you can get bigger though what do you even mean

>i would rather be happy eating a donut than fit

this pisses me off so much
you have a shitty life if your only source of happiness is food

>>42085000
I don't actually lift enough to be able to get bigger because I do other sports. I'm currently only lifting though, so I'm trying to put on some mass in the next month and a half.

>>42085020
>I'd rather die than be healthy

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I've heard most of this shit within the past month:

>Fruit and vegetables? Have some real food!
or
>What a boring lunch! You should eat something better!

>Anon, come get fast food with us for lunch!
and/or
>WHAT? You DON'T like 5 for $5 deals?!

>Anon, you have an hour after work to play video games with us!
>Fuck no, I'm going to the gym while I can
>What, you don't have a life?

>Can't you skip the gym and come hang out with us?

>Stop being so healthy!

>Oh my god I LOOOVE Five Guys and McDonald's!

>You look perfect, you don't have any body fat to lose!
or
>Don't work out too much, you'll be too bulky!

>I don't find people with muscles attractive.
or
>I only like skinny guys! Muscles are gross!

>Diets are proven to never work, why would you even bother?
or
>I don't have any time to diet. Cooking at home just takes too long!

>I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just a little fluffy.

>I never have time to go to the gym!
This guy works a sedentary job, takes an hour or more for lunch by clocking back in BEFORE playing ping pong, and leaves as early from work as possible.

>>42084954
No, any time anyone mentions any improvement in your physique you must attribute it to zumba.
>omg anon you're so big! how'd you get such a well developed muscular physique
>I zumba

>>42085065
>>Can't you skip the gym and come hang out with us?

stop being an autist and say yes

>>42085087
why would you want to hang out with people who don't even go to the gym?

>>42085100
is gym really the only thing you can hold a conversation about?

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>>42084892
of course not, why do you think they say
>take tren
>to calm down

>>42084909
theres more

>nah I dont train legs, i just dont like it. plus i dont need it
>laughs like its a huge joke and expects me to think its funny
this has happened with multiple people

>hey bro, want to workout together?

this next one really rustled my jimmies
>dudebro walks up to me talking to acquaintance, Brad, at gym
>interrupts conversation "Bro i just TORE my chest muscle over there benching haha im taking a break and then im going to go back and finish"
>While swinging his arms around to their full ROM
>tore
>implying
>ask if he had a pre-existing injury
>"hahaha nah bro, its because i bench so much haha i bench every day!"
>he then switches the conversation to about how his TORN chest might impact him boxing
>try to talk to him about boxing, mention that i prefer MMA or wrestling because of grappling
>"Bro never do MMA two hits to the head and you have instant brain damage!"
>...Well what about boxing, there been studies linking brain damage to boxing and-
>"Haha nah man i only ever box in headgear!"
>"Anyways I'd never do MMA or wrestling, I prefer to do a sport that takes speed and technique!"
>youfuckingwhat.png
>"Anyways bro, I'm going to go finish benching i have 5 more sets! Hopefully my TORN chest wont get in the way hahahaha!"
Biggest tard i've ever met. And yes he did emphasize that his chest was torn, specifically repeating torn, whenever he mentioned it

Jokes on him though i fucked his gf

>>42085107
No. I can also talk about my daily calorie intake and diet, my current sport, and my extensive porn collection.

>>42085087
They just go and get drunk, and it bores the shit out of me.

>>42085107
No, diet is also important

>>42085065
Women who only like skinny guys are either lying to you or have something wrong with them, and skinny is all they can get. I pity them.

>>42085139
this happens to me too and bothers the shit out of me

>>42084860
>Don't let your knees go over your toes on squats
I love that one, how the fuck else would you do squats? Keeping your legs at a 90 degree angle?

>>42085065
>Anon, you have an hour after work to play video games with us!
>Fuck no, I'm going to the gym while I can
>What, you don't have a life?

>not working on your mental/reaction speed gains
>being this much of a mentallet

>>42085020
>Not doing both
I do triathlons and calisthenics because it's fun and to become more fit, I don't give a shit about what I eat because I work out to become stronger and not for aesthetics

>>42084679
Stay noided

>>42085223
It justifies quarter-squats I guess.

>That guy has enough muscle he could stop going to the gym
Yes, because muscle mass is permanent once you gain it.

>I got a PT cause your workout was making me bulky
No it wasn't. If you ate less like I said, you would've lost weight, you stupid cow.

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>>42084860
>turn down having ice cream or donuts
>"hahaha looks like anon is DIETING again, cant ruin those abs!!"
>everybody points and laughs
>lift up shirt to reveal perfectly chiseled abs and thicc pecs
>"maybe I'm missing on a donut, but look at what you're missing"

>>42084290
>I can't lose weight because my metabolism is broken.

>"careful anon don't hurt your back"
>while I'm lifting a sub 10kg box with perfect form
I'm flabbergasted by these people sometimes, how do you go living 40 years without lifting anything substantial off the ground. I feel like by understanding human biomechanics and being a practicioner of weightlifting both in practice and theory has alienated me. To the point where I feel like I accidentally took an adjacent evolutionary path to the rest of humanity. Is this what they mean by "leaving humanity behind"?

>>42085434
I get the reverse, skinny DYEL scrubs say
>"I can't gain weight, my metabolism is so high"

>>42085465
I actualy know a guy that does GOMAD with chocolate milk and still stays a skelly...

>>42085465
I always try not to use that excuse, but I've been eating more than what I have planned as a diet for myfitnesspal and I'm 10kg below my projected weight. At this point I think I'm going to have to admit that JUST EAT MORE isn't the only solution. I am gaining weight, so it's working, but the amount I'm eating vs the amount I weigh is probably somewhat eschewed due to genetic disprivlige.

>>42085564
>>42085519
I'm talking about people who don't even try to gain weight, they just munch on cookies and crisps which make up 40% of their diet

>>42085519
Dude probably shits gomad so it evens out. Also the sugar is filling him up with empty calories so he has no room for actual food.

>>42084290
>you dont need to get bigger anon you look perfect as you are

why are women such gains goblins?

>>42085412
That would be such a fuckin gay response

>>42085519
well, skellies usually lie about eating alot. What they think is a lot is actually very small. Its like working with someone who doesn't want to push limits ever

>>42085223
Trainers coach noobs like that in order to stop them from lifting the heels off the ground and use some hip drive, but it inevitably leads to >>42085352.

>>42085412
you would end up as that weird guy who gets easily offended so nobody wants to talk to you or crack a joke due to fear of hurting your feelings.

>>42085596
Because they're afraid that you'll look for someone else when you have more sexual capital, just like they would.

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>Lifting isn't real sport

>>42085412
autism

>>42084954
Lol i just tell them i do lots of pushups at footy training, it seems more imoressive if you act like you dont try

>>42085448
>anon realizes that /fit/s definition of leaving humanity behind is artificially inflated
>all you had to do was completely commit to a weightlifting program with progressive overload
Humanity is far weaker than /fit/ gives it credit for.

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>Oats? But that's food for horses, not human. And seeds? So how's your diet called? The horse & bird diet?

>Peanut butter? But it's fat!
>Proceeds to buy mayo.

>No alcool? Is it because of religion?

>That's too much weight anon, you're gonna break the wood floor.

>Don't hang from the beam, you're gonna break the roof or something.

>You can't have more than 1egg/day or you'll ruin your liver in no time.

>Don't listen to those men on youtube, they don't know what they're talking about.

>Haha look, it's an empty kfc bucket! You tell us to eat healthy but you still eat junkfood!
They don't get it's because I eat healthy all day long that I can enjoy a bucket every other month.

>>42085129
A true /fit/izen indeed.

>>42085412
>tips fedora
>shades into darkness

>>42085448
So many times this. Some person don't even realize a human body can lift more than 10kgs off the ground without specials tools or stuffs. Worked in house moving several months, some of my relatives simply couldn't believe I could lift and move around a washine machine by myself.

>>42085761
>No alcohol? Is it because of religion?
I get that a lot, beer consumption is too fucking high here in germany...

>>42085743
Remember that the average person can't run a sub 10 minute mile. The average western person is overweight. Also remember that most of us can beat the shit out of almost anyone on the street.

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>>42085761
>the horse and bird diet

I'm stealing this

>>42085831
>can´t run a 10 minute mile

>mfw manlet
>mfw 5´3
>mfw legs are fucking short for my sieze
>can´t even wear "adult" jeans
>still run faster

>>42085065
>>I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just a little fluffy.

AAAAAAAAAAA

>>42085884
This is what transcending humanity means anon. It's sad how easy it is, isn't it?

>>42085181
>tfw skinny

>>42086066
I'm a lanklet too anon. Don't worry. You can judge your progress by the women that will talk to you.

>>42084860
I think you need new friends
Also hang out with less women

>>42084860

>implying normies know what tren is

dubious

>>42084860
>I just want to get toned
I think that was the first comment I made when I discovered /fit/. Got laughed at of course, good times.

>>42084757
>used to say this
>started waking up at 5am
>going to the gym adds hours to my day and the workout wakes me up immediately

I fucked up for so long.

>>42086405
I've tried this, but always ended up falling asleep later in the day. How do you keep yourself from doing this?

>>42086574
coffee and self-loathing

>>42086574
intermitent fasting or low carb. using ketones instead of fluctuating glucose levels for energy will keep your energy levels high

>>42085631
but that was a girl with a boyfriend telling me (no gf)

>>42084954
>Yo what do you do
>Zumba and Wii Fit

>>42085412
>you tell me

>>42085392
Damn, this pisses me off as much as
>"Lift weights? Nah, I don't want to get too big"

>my coworker and I grab a soda from the vending machine
>girl at my work says that we shouldn't because it's 38 kcal
>"Anon, a kcal is 1000 calories"
>mfw this bitch thinks a 33ml soda is 19x daily recommended calories

>>42088560
>33ml
Typo, meant 330. Also forgot
>proceeds to have a 500ml energy drink

>>42088560
33 ml soda? What is that, a soda for ants?

>>42088589
>>42088574

>im starting my diet next week

>>42085412
This up there with flexing a 'cep for all of it's autism.

>>42084452
>muh metabolism is slow/fast/weird. 9 times out of 10 proven not true.

>>42085412
I know you're getting shat on but I think it's a good comeback. If you can take their joke they ought to take yours

"I eat a lot but I can't gain weight!"

>>42088737
Exactly. As long as it's just friendly banter and you're not actually angry, it's a good comeback.

>>42085628
>A normie has literally never told me a joke that was funny
>Sometimes I laugh anyway
>Either they can tell I am forcing it and look sad or they weren't actually joking and just said something dumb
>Can't tell the difference because I have no idea what level of knowledge most normies are at
>Laughed at a co-worker for confusing Australia and Austria because I thought he was memeing
>He asked me why I was laughing
>Now I just don't react to jokes or try to respond to them as seriously as possible
>People think I'm an asshole, but eventually just stopped talking to me and trying to be my friend
>This is what I wanted all along
>Significantly less awkward moments now
>People took it a step further and think I'm retarded so I don't have to deal with vague messages or hints, everybody is straight forward with me for once.

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>>42085129
you sound autismo but you also sound just like me

>>42085412
Just flex a 'cep and say' how's this for a start?'

>>42084860
>i cant go, i have class and work and exams and sleep"
Shit, that's how I avoided gym for the first week after I've bought membership.

>>42085761
Don't fuck with seeds suka bljad

>>42084290
>I can eat pizza every day and not get fat, only playing vidya all day

>exercise is boring

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>>42088930
Holy shit, you may unironically be autistic. Or just a misanthrope.

>>42088930
Not understand when someone is joking or not is a pretty clear sign of autism, anon.

>>42084290
>Friend is overweight
>At store with him, passing pharmacy section
>He decides to buy pills to help lose weight
>Tell him "That sort of shit only works if you exercise or change your diet, you should get into a routine first mane"
>He says there's no proof of it working better with exercise/diet
>I show him the text on the bottle
>Says everyone's body is different
Fuck it, make your own mistakes
You can't skip that sort of thing, it doesn't work like that

>>42088560
>"Anon, a kcal is 1000 calories"
wait that's true though
and a human, to maintain his weight must eat 2000 calories

am i missing something here?

>>42089936
The calories on food information are kcals, but I think the chick in anon's story though they were only cals.

>>42089936
You need 2000 Calories. I didn't capitalize it like I should have, my mistake. 1 kcal = 1000 calories = 1 Calorie.

>>42084290
>Don't lift if you want to lose weight you'll end up gaining muscle

>>42084532
This happened to me the other day, My retarded friend saw my whey protein and he was like "woah no i'm never gonna use this i want to stay natural"
Spent a good 15 minutes trying to explain to him what whey is and where it comes from. He's still not convinced

>>42085412
i'm autistic but i'll never do that

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>>42084860
>"anon take me to the gym with you!"
>call them in the morning
>"oh i cant go, i have class and work and exams and sleep"
>all week
This happens too often

>>42090043
I wish I had someone to take me to the gym with them
/homegym/ masterrace, because I am too nervous to go to a gym

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>>42090059
>make workout for them
>get their lazy ass out of bed
>drag them to the gym
>try to get them to do literally anything
>"no, i dont think i really need to do that. i swam last week and am still pretty sore but in good shape"
>proceeds to talk my fucking ear off while i try to lift
im ready to go full home gym, tell me what i need to know

>>42085087
>>42085107
You are never going to make it.

>>42090138


>squat rack
>bench to combine with squat rack to create bench rack
>dumbells, either set or interchangeable weights
>door pull up bar
>yoga mat
>bike to cycle
>fucking walk

depends on what exercises you do

>>42089845
>>42089862

Yeah, I'm content with that. I don't have much trouble making friends, usually I make them accidentally, but after the first day of knowing them I'm already sick of it. Having to occasionally do things with somebody or respond to somebody's texts or calls because I "like them" turns into a chore and I always start ignoring them or cutting them out.

>Meet guy at Dunkin Donuts because he asked me what I was writing about
>It was a routine
>We discuss lifting
>Go to his place and he shows me his home gym
>We go and get wings at a bar
>After I get home, I think about all the little things he did that annoyed me even though they didn't stand out at the time
>Become genuinely irritated at the sight of a text from him
>Blocked his number, ignore him in Dunkin to this day
>Eventually fucked off

I know I'm not rational, so I cut ties as quickly and boldly as possible so they don't waste their time on my bullshit. Deep down, I want to like people. But I know that I never will.

>>42090324
Yep, definitely mega autistic

>>42085884

10 minute mile is a benchmark of some sort? I always thought 12 minute 2 mile was the gold standard of relatively fit people.

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>>42090230
If you're still in your familly house, it may be hard to bring in weights, especially if your senpai ins't the active kind. Also it'll be harder to avoid distraction at home, so try to find a relatively secluded place. And don't be surprised if after 1 week of using the garage (which was unused for years) for your workout, suddenly everybody in the family as plan for it, and you need to move all your stuff.
Your grunting and shouting game will improve significantly as well.

>>42090366
Sub 10 minute mile distinguishes a completely lazy asshole from someone who pays mild attention to their health and weight. It's your standard of proof that your talk about losing s bit of weight and going to the gym a bit more isn't bullshit.
Sub 8 minute mile shows someone has put some significant effort into their health
Sub 6 minute mile shows someone has been paying significant attention to their health for years

>>42084779
>everyday

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>Woah anon, you eat 3000 calories A DAY!?
>You are only supposed to have 2000!

>>42090324
Nice one autismo

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>I don't want to do anything with weights, you can injure yourself so easily

>>42084927
I raise you a peanut butter and fudge milkshake. Great part is you don't have to worry about getting fat from it -- you will just die from a heart attack finishing it because THICC

>>42090324
I thought I suck for thinking about all the little things that annoy me about myself whenever I get home, but at least I'm not you.

>not having an inner circle of friends who have been leaving humanity for years
>not working out together with them
>not discussing your plans and doings with each other on the road to greatness
>not shittalking normies behind the back with your chad friends

do you guys wanna make it?

>>42084290
>but those weight loss pills will give some effect, right?
If they're DNP, then sure

>>42085412
>"maybe I'm missing on a donut, but look at what you're missing"
You don't have say something that autismo. Just lift your shirt up and say "yep"

I read all of these in my mother's voice

>>42090324
The other anons are dicks.

> Deep down, I want to like people. But I know that I never will.
Das some sad shit mane, hope a psych can help you.

>>42090752
moms are the ultimate gains goblins

>>42085065
>I don't find people with muscles attractive

Fat gross bitches parrot this because no self respecting man with muscle would be caught dead with them. Bitches love muscle and squeezing big biceps

>>42090324
How can you have gf that way?

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>>42085465
I'm sorry I used this excuse before.

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>>42085596
My co-worker told me this too, after I told her I bought some more whey, when asked about what I did that day. The kicker is is that we are both lifeguards.
>why'd you buy whey? You know that stuff is bad for you!
>you don't need to get bigger, anon! Everybody is perfect the way they are!
Called her a gainz goblin on the spot

>>42085412
Do you actually think this is not a lame response?

>>42090752
Keked p hard

>>42089946
Ah that's right the capitalization

>>42091133
reminds me of this favorite of my mom
>When do you ever need to lift [insert dl working weight] in daily life

>>42091362
>You know that stuff is bad for you
?????

>>42084942
Eat more, faggot.

>I'm on a seafood diet
>see food and eat it
The most obnoxious of fat normie jokes

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>>42092342
She also thinks that sushi is poison to the human body. She's a sweet person, but not to involved in the critical thinking department.
>anon! You have to be friends with everybody
>you can't tell someone you're not their friend

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>>42092666
>Anything But Cardio
Oceanside, man.

>>42088230
Because even though there's no romance between you, you're still a male in her territory. Women stock up men they'll never date (just in case) like Jews stock up money they'll never spend. It's why they're never single.

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>>42085116
I thought, I saw a man brought to strength
He was swole, he came around and he was thiccified
He showed me what it was to bulk

Well, you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care what your chest is for
But I don't know him anymore

He lifts nothing like he used to bench
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine, I'm
>torn

>>42085223
maybe I have weird femur length or something but I hit depth on low bar without my knees passing my toes. You are supposed to focus on keeping your shin as perpendicular to the floor as possible so you don't lose tension in your lower back. The big thing too is that your travel should be knees out not knees straight forward. It's not a bad cue and if someone can open their hip properly they will get full depth.

>>42085264
>t. normie

>>42090043
>>42090138
Don't wait for them. I've told my friends that I go when I go, they can join if they want, I'll even pick them up and drop them off. I send one text some time before I'm going and that's it. The rest is up to them, I'm not their personal cheerleader.

>>42084773
kill this meme

>>42093532
Thank you natty

>>42094160
hold up hol upWOAH WOah woah woooaaaaah

>>42090059
literally me
life is suffering

>>42090462

>girl says she's gaining weight despite eating only 2000 a day

When will this bullshit be taken off nutrition labels?

>>42094298
>only 2000kcal
That is more than a small person needs, hell, I need 1700kcal without training and I´m male...

>>42085065
>Oh my god I LOOOVE Five Guys
i think its pretty good

>>42084452
But they are not wrong. It's just that people don't get why 'it's not working for them'.
Not because some made up excuse but because they are simply unable to discipline themselves.
This is true for many things in life.
'Oh she wasn't the right one for me'. You blew it.
Never try rationalizing your shortcomings.

>>42084452
This reminds me of
>Vegetables upset my stomach
Gee I wonder why. Probably because you gave yourself some goddamn fiber for once and your body is making as much use of it as it can.

>>42090324
My God, finally someone gets it. You are me except male. I always have the urge to run away or cut contact with people.

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>>42084679
ALL I DO IS LOSE MY FORM, IM WARPING

>>42094544
What's odd is despite this, I manage to maintain having a GF, a job, and can handle short interactions. As much as I hate people, for some reason I still feel drawn to the idea of having a family and children. Maybe it's some sort of incompatibility with the modern world but I'm not going to pretend that's anybody's problem but my own. I'll just lift and make babies until I'm dead.

>>42095068
>I'll just lift and make babies until I'm dead.
The eternal dream.

>>42085080
My wife lost 100lbs on zumba...

>>42095489
No

>>42089936
The girl didn't realize that 1 kcal is 1 food cal. We don't make the distinction here in America and it actually took me until college to learn this.

>>42095068
Well congrats then because I think you've hacked life. I've never had a bf or had sex because I'm scared of intimacy, and the few acquaintances I had I just pushed away. Pretty sure employers sense my antisocial behavior during job interviews, because my resume usually makes it through but once it comes down to the interview, HR rarely follows through. Just end me already.

>why are you drinking a protein shake if you didn't go to the gym today?

>>42095613
Seems like a legit question anon, try not being a douchebag and explain, they might learn something.

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>omg you lost so much weight
>you must really be watching your carbs

>>42095666
>ITT: shit normalfags say

Just answering the call bruh.

I agree it's a legit question, just funny I've been asked this by so many people.. The misinformation in the fitness industry is really incredible.

>>42095696
>>42095666
Can you guys explain it, I thought you only drink shakes when you work out

>>42095613
>That doesn't look healthy/natural
>I think you should build natural muscles anon

>>42095732
>>42095732
You drink protein shakes to supplement protein intake. Protein is an important macronutrient for health in all hoomans (you'd literally die without it), but in particular plays a crucial role in building muscle.

Your muscles are constantly repairing themselves, whether you worked out today or yesterday your body is still working to build up the muscle and needs dat dere protein... so if you haven't gotten enough protein for the day, it's good to drink a shake, whether you worked out that day or not.

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>>42085412

>>42084290
>I need to start going to the gym again

feelsgood when lads say this after looking at you

>fasting is unhealthy

>>42084532
Whooaa whoa
hold on
whey gives you fake muscles?
whoaaha whoa

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>>42085412

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>>42084822
>I explain how to count calories using a food scale and the nutrition facts on the box.
>"That's too hard I can't do that."

>>42092666
>I'm on a seafood diet.
>If I see food
>and it's a fish, I eat it.

meta from Norm Macdonald.

>>42085139
same here. After I stopped drinking every week, I discovered how boring my friends are.

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>>42085412

>>42084860
>dont let your knees go over your toes on squats!"
That's actually true

>>42096416
desu the food scale is a little extra. If you're not body building you really don't have to weight shit out just eyeball it imo.

If you're a fucking idiot and can't do that properly then I suppose the scale is for you but I can usually tell how much 8 oz of meat is for serving calculations.

>>42084954
I just say I lift shit at work, which is true, but it's why I started to go to the gym to begin with, those metal sheets are heavy

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>you don't need big muscles to be happy

>>42094345
are you 4'5?

>>42096825
5`2

>>42095546
Treat life like hitting a PR, you expect pain when pushing through a max effort set so it doesn't deter you. When you walk into an office, think to yourself

"If I can pick up x weight off the ground for x reps even though it hurts and makes me want to vomit, I can keep my cool having a normal fucking conversation even though it hurts and makes me want to vomit"

Pain and confusion and what not are all a part of life, and you will always need them to accomplish your goals. Nobody told you that you were going to be happy and feel good all the time, or at all, that's not a promise in life. That's what lifting taught me, that's what poverty taught me, that's what my illnesses taught me. Lifting didn't currently my autism, but it taught me to handle it and not be a little bitch. That's the hack. It sounds retarded, but I'll sit in a bathroom and psych myself up in the mirror like I'm fixing to max out before I go to work or go to an interview. It's dumb, but nobody can see you and nobody has to know. Everybody has their weird coping mechanisms.

>>42093532
At least make an attempt at rhymes

>>42094298
Someone with little muscle mass and a sedentary lifestyle can have TDEE below 2000cal easily.

>>42085412
this isn't your average everyday autism
this is... advanced autism

>>42085633
It's a competition not a sport. What you do has no effect on your opponent. Same with swimming, running, and most track and field shit.

>>42085129

We are legion.

>>42084954
wii fit and zumba

>>42097952
This, but the problem is that people somehow think competitions are less, I don't know, good compared to sports. Saying something isn't a sport is some kind of insult in regards to 3gun, 2gun, powerlifting, strongman in people's minds but that is based off the notion that not being a sport makes them bad. Nobody talks shit on track athletes or javelin throwers or swimmers because they are more used to seeing it.

>>42098024
Exactly. What I listed is hard as fuck to be the best in the world at and takes a lifetime of dedication. But we shouldn't call them "sports" just because they're physical activities with rankings.

>>42096902
Thanks man, shit actually helps. I just need to try harder and complain less.

>>42094931
Lol

>>42084757
My friend just told me he's dying to get back to the gym but he has so much to do.

I didn't even know how to respond. He can't be dying that badly.

>>42084290
>cooking is just too much work

coincidence: they don't know how to cook and give up easily

my sister used to be real hot and has gained 20 pounds like 6 months because she won't take 2 hours out of her week to cook for herself.

>>42100942
I know exactly why they do this because I used to be the same they were raised learning how to cook but there parents only cooked for special occasions so they only know about spending hours to cook and think all food is like that.

>>42100942
>my sister used to be real hot

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>>42101102
not my words, my friends would all tell me "you're so lucky, your sis is hot"

That being said she has certainly put on some unattractive pudge

>"Hey hollywood muscles bet you dont have real world strength"

>>42085412
>2012+5
>not flexing an ab
>not following it up by flexing a 'cep
i shiggy diggy

ITT: Things Americans say

I talk about non-lifters about these things all the time and NOBODY is that fucking stupid.

>>42084290
Losing weight with the "set point theory" is the easiest thing. Just buy a weight vest and you magically lose the weight.

>>42085761
The Alcohol part really hit me,if you are training no matter the sport and drink any kind of alcochol you dun goofed
Beer:
>phytoestrogens,makes you a sissy
>steals your blood protein to process the alcohol

More or less pure alcohol/not beer/ale
>higher levels of alcochol requier even higher levels of blood protein to metabolise alchohol

Overweight friend : "hey lets grab a beer!" "What you dont drink??"
-"yeah sorry its my kidneys"
I have lie constanly

>>42084290
>why are you working out every day
>you should have at least 3 days rest or your body won't recover
they're jealous of my gainz, people

>>42094510
Kek.

OH SHIT FIBRE BETTER FIX WHAT I CAN BEFORE IT DISAPPEARS FOR ANOTHER EIGHT MONTHS

>>42104523
gear or brosplit?

>>42084290
>use machines, free weights are bad for your joints
>you should focus on low weights for endurance
>I don't want to get too big
>keep your legs on the bench when pressing to prevent back injury
>stop drinking protein shakes if you get heart palpitations

>>42096699
no its not, normie

>>42084290
>whey has steroids in it
>mens one a day vitamins have testosterone in them
>she would still love me if i was small
My gf is an idiot

>>42084860
Homestly skipping the gym for a social outing once in a while is a good thing. Just hit it the next morning

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>>42085412
You're just pretending to be autistic and cringy right?

>>42096716
Post a body pic

>>42090563
I slip my gf dnp to keep her slim. She thinks shes always catches colds and gets fevers from working with snotty kids lmao

>>42102970
You sound like a faggot

>>42102970
Tell that to wade boggs or rob gronkowski

>>42102970
>phytoestrogens
Oh boi

> It's important to live life to the fullest
Proceeds to eat sugary shit or burgers for lunch and drink beer every evening

conversation with my ex gf
>I've tried dieting it just didn't work
>did you cut out sugary drinks?
>how can a drink make you gain weight it's a liquid
>how long did you try dieting for?
>1 month
>did you exercise?
>no
>did you monitor you weight for that month?
>no but I could tell I hadn't lost any weight
>ok

>>42085020
as a comfort eater I used to say this, now I realize I was just a fat unhealthy faggot trying to justify bad choices - worse part is I'd say it everytime my friend (probably browses /fit/) would tell me I'm looking bigger and should come to the gym with him but no I just made my excuses and acted like my choices were better than his - he never brings it up though so it's not that bad

>>42085412
I love your videos connor

>>42090532
Groupchats are good for this

>omg you're fasting? why are you starving yourself!?

>you don't need to use that much weight

>Yeah, I use to do [lift with weight you're using + 100lbs] back when i use to lift but muh injury

>I could NEVER do [basic bitch weight/fitness standard]

>Yeah, a few years back I use to have abs too

>How do you stay so lean eating so many carbs/so much fat?

>>42085412
2 options

>unbutton shirt from the midsection down
>co-worker asks if you're going to whip something out
>ignore them, keep unbuttoning
>say the line

or

>lift up shirt
>say the line to minimal response, some confused stares
>stuff shirt back into your pants while seated
>as you reach deeply in you accidentally lift the tip of your penis out so it's exposed, tucked tightly up against the waistband of your pants and your ruffled, button-down shirt
>even more embarrassment
>"looks like that's something else that you'll be missing"
>flex groin muscles, shoot a line of jizz into the air

>>42084909
Fucking every time. Coworkers, family, regulars at work, doesn't matter. They all look at you like you've got some fucking secret and just won't tell them because you're an asshole or something.

>>42085519
>2400 calories in GOM
>only eats 600 additional calories throughout the day
>burns ~600 through walking and working out
Really makes you think

>>42090366
What? 12 minute 2 is p damn good. 8 minute mile is considered "fit" by normies, and if you cant do a mile in under 10 and are below age 40 then you should kys

>>42090409
health != distance running

Sub-10 minute mile is expected of anyone who's halfway athletic. Sub 6-minute is someone who's paid attention to RUNNING for years, not just their health.

>>42084860
>turn down having ice cream or donuts
>"hahaha looks like anon is DIETING again, cant ruin those abs!!"
>everybody points and laughs

Every. Fucking. Time.

>I'm an endomorph
>I'm an ectomorph
>I'm a mesomorph
>I have a fast metabolism
>I have a slow metabolism
>I can't even the bar
>no homo

Fuckin normies.

>>42085065
Install gentoo

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>>42085412

>>42107928
>Yeah, I use to do [lift with weight you're using + 100lbs] back when i use to lift but muh injury

but it's true :(

>>42088679
t. boogie

>>42107674
>how can a drink make you gain weight it's a liquid
dropped. no one is that ignorant, nope

>>42107928
>Yeah, I use to do [lift with weight you're using + 100lbs] back when i use to lift but muh injury
beta as fuck male trying to cope. Sad, but would spurt insecurities if you doubted him

>How do you stay so lean eating so many carbs/so much fat?
legit question

>>42085412
The fact that this many people think this normal sounding comeback is a bad response just goes to show how many autists post on here.

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>>42085129
>and my extensive porn collection.
So does masturbation make your penis larger orrr have I been touching myself for no reason?

"friend" at bar I go to
> Oh you go to the gym? So basically you pick things up and put them down? Hahaha that's dumb.
Not even a month later
> Yeah I've been lifting with my brother, dudes a beast!

>>42089946
>1000 calories = 1 Calorie
oh my god fuck this language

>>42090532
That's what I have you guys for.

>>42096544
Fucking Norm.
>The airline that ranked second in customer satisfaction was "Nine Eleven Airlines" after Jet Blue. 9/11 airlines? Reminds me of that tragedy. What a horrible name for an airline. Oh don't laugh at 9/11.
I don't know what it is about him and his non-jokes but fuck, dude.

My gf

>I don't want to do heavy weights, I'll get too muscly. I'll do lots of reps at low weights. I just want to be toned.

Then I tell her toned doesn't exist and her training won't work for what she wants. AKA big ass

>YOU'RE ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME

I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU, YOU FUCKING RETARDED BITCH

>>42089936
>>42089946
>>42095525

>A calorie is a unit of energy. We tend to associate calories with food, but they apply to anything containing energy. For example, a gallon (about 4 liters) of gasoline contains about 31,000,000 calories. Specifically, a calorie is the amount of energy, or heat, it takes to raise the temperature of 1 gram of water by 1 degree Celsius (1.8 degrees Fahrenheit). One calorie is equal to 4.184 joules, a common unit of energy used in the physical sciences. Most of us think of calories in relation to food, as in "This can of soda has 200 Calories." It turns out that the Calories on a food package are actually kilocalories (1000 calories = 1 kilocalorie). The word is sometimes capitalized to show the difference, but usually not. A food Calorie contains 4,840 joules. A can of soda containing 200 Calories contains 200,000 calories, or 200 kilocalories. A gallon of gasoline contains 31,000 Calories. The same applies to exercise -- when a fitness chart says you burn about 100 Calories for every mile you jog, it means 100 kilocalories.

>>42111939
You really haven't heard that before?

>>42112766
I don't know what happened in evolution that made physical attractiveness inversely correlated with a logical thought process in women but it may be what inevitably dooms us.

>>42112689
Its not really a language problem so much as a unit naming/defining fuck up.

>>42111952
>legit question
The answer is calories and working out.

>>42112767
So what you're saying is that skellies should switch to gasoline for their gains?
Who else /GOGAD/in here?

>>42085412
Don't do that

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>>42085412
you dont have many friends do you

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>>42084757

>we all have the same 24hrs buddy

>>42112780
for real
>>42112799
well, I got what I deserve

>>42085412
Try flexing a cep next time.

>>42111939
>dropped. no one is that ignorant, nope

My mom refuses to believe that zero/light soda doesn't make you gain weight.

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>>42105863
It was the first thing that came to my mind, and I was assuming the people pointing and laughing were fat, so let's put them back in their place and get them mad.
Honestly my abs are still covered by an inch of fat but still, I'd totally go for such a line, and my friends would laugh about it for good. Thing is, none of my relatives or friends would laugh at me for passing on some sugary treat. Only my bro would, and he'd eat the treat.
Inb4fatass Bmi22

>>42088737
>>42111954
I guess some posters are overdoing it for the fun of it... but yeah.

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>>42105981

>>42084290

Cousin is a typical case of fatlogic

>My feet hurt
>I need to sit down, my leg is aching
>I don't know why I always get these migraines
>I've been eating well these last two months, still gain weight
>Ugh, my personal trainer keep asking when I will show up
>I'll just end the subscription

My father is a bit like this

>Better to be happy than healthy
>After eating a massive meal he almost always want me to confirm that what he ate was not unhealthy
>Asks for tips on losing weight one day, only to proclaim how little he cares the other

I love them both, but the thought of putting in effort seems to scare them.

>>42089936
>eat 1000 kcal a day
>500x the recommended daily intake
>still lose weight

>>42085412
That's completely autistic anon. If you are going to confirm the punch line of the joke, then you have to do it in a self-ironic manner. You are just making it even worse with that shit-response.

The right response would have been lifting your shirt and then shrugging your confirmation.

>>42107828
Dat PHUCKABLE PHYSIQUE

>>42084860
>Just take your tren and calm down!
Normies can't name different steroids by name, they just think it's all simply called ''steroids'' and that's it.

>>42088306
>>42098015
Glad this is still alive.